Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter Podcast
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Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter Podcast
Cultural Nuances and Interracial Relationships: A Deep Dive
Is it ever okay for parents to have favorite children? This week on "Your Opinion Doesn't Matter," we sit down with the delightful Sherry Berry from Carriacou, West Indies, to unravel the complexities of family dynamics and favoritism. We begin with a light-hearted discussion about our summer highlights, from Sherry's love for the West Indian Culture and enjoying a good "fete". We also exchange some fun compliments on our summer styles and hairstyles, bringing a burst of seasonal joy to the episode.
As the conversation deepens, Sterling confronts the thorny issue of favoritism within families. One host opens up about the freedom felt due to less parental pressure compared to a sibling, while Sherry shares her experience of raising three children without favoritism. She gives us a glimpse into her childhood in Grenada, contrasting it with her siblings' upbringing in the United States, shedding light on cultural nuances that shape parental expectations and sibling bonds.
In our final chapters, we tackle the sensitive topic of favoritism based on skin color and its impact on family dynamics. We share heartfelt personal stories, including one host's experience with a father's overt favoritism towards lighter-skinned siblings. The episode concludes with reflections on relationship regrets, interracial dating, and the cultural expectations that come with it. We underscore the universal desire for mutual respect and commitment in relationships, leaving listeners with thoughtful insights on love, communication, and personal growth. Tune in for a compelling conversation that promises to resonate on multiple levels.
Welcome. Welcome to the your Opinion Doesn't Matter podcast. I am one of the hosts, mr Lamont, and I'm here with none other Sterling, how are you doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, everything good, man, I can't complain. Man, how's everything with you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, everything is good man. Everything is good man Trying to dot the I's and cross the T's. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:No doubt, no doubt this thing called life.
Speaker 1:No doubt, no doubt. And we have a special guest, yes, very special Special guest. You know, come from one of the biggest families in Caracol, never mind the Caracol, the part of the West Indies. Yeah, how are you doing?
Speaker 3:I'm very well. Actually, everyone calls me Sherry Berry.
Speaker 1:Sherry Berry.
Speaker 3:Sherry Berry Nice nice nice, nice, nice nice. So, yeah, how's everybody's summer? Summer is cool, it's cool, it's going great. I'm happy for that moment to get a little bit of heat, although it's too much heat for me per se, but it's nice to be able to go out. I get to meet a lot more people in the summertime. Go to Little Fat and just take it all in so you enjoy it, because once that cold hit, sherry Berry's in doors.
Speaker 1:Right, right. How about you Ster?
Speaker 2:For me, man. I always get excited when summertime is coming. It's one of my favorite seasons, and summer it lived up to everything I expected. You know Was out there getting the fresh air, enjoying the sun, you know, hanging out with my family and friends. So it's been a really good summer. I enjoyed it.
Speaker 1:Yes, man, and the FET, the FET. You know FET Musk man, the West Indian thing is the FET. Yeah, man, I didn't go to a FET in a couple years you know I got to in a couple years you know, I got a and being that y'all have a huge family man, it's FETs all the time for y'all.
Speaker 3:FETs galore.
Speaker 1:All the time. Yes, man, I be feeling deprived sometimes. I have a small West Indian family here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's probably like seven of us.
Speaker 2:Still a blessing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, still a blessing, still a but yes, but I have to, you know, indulge in a fet before the summer really ends you're always welcome.
Speaker 2:You like family.
Speaker 1:You know that and I heard, delaware had their first carnival wow, yesterday. Wow, I wasn't actually aware of that, yeah they went down there, some of the homies went down there, nice, and they out there fetting away yes, yes, yes, yes. So yes, darling um, you said something interesting, you wanted to speak about.
Speaker 2:Before I even get that man, I gotta tell you that's a really nice sweater you got on you know what I appreciate it, man.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, can I ask you?
Speaker 2:a question is that is that your favorite sweater?
Speaker 1:I mean, no, it's just. You know, I just like sweaters here and there, okay, different color varieties and stuff like that. Nice, nice, nice. That's a hell of a sweater man.
Speaker 2:I like that, thank you, it's a nice sweater. So, miss Berry, yes sir, that hairstyle, that is smashing. Thank you, thank you very much. Let me ask you is that one of your favorite hairstyles?
Speaker 3:I wouldn't say the word favorite, but I would say it's one of the better ones. I always try to tell people that from a woman that loves various styles, as you know, and I did a lot of weave shortcuts back and forth and then I decided to go natural. So I try to look for natural styles and I get more compliments with this one, so I think it's a sticker.
Speaker 2:Yeah well, let me add to the compliments you look goddess-like with this hair.
Speaker 3:Stella, oh my gosh. I'm going to take it. I'm going to take it. Thank you very much.
Speaker 1:So, Stella, you switched up, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know I'm trying to go a little cleaner for the viewers out there, you understand.
Speaker 3:Nice nice, nice, good job, yeah, but this isn't my favorite outfit.
Speaker 2:But you know, while we're speaking about favorite things, I just wanted to get the subject of favoritism in the household with parents and kids, and do you think it's OK for parents to have favorite kids? You, as a parent, do you have favorite kids, and when you was growing up, were you subjected to being the favorite kid or the least favorite kid in the household? I'll start with you, man.
Speaker 1:Now, when I come up, it's like me and my brother. We was like closest in age, my sister's seven years younger. There was no real favorite kind of my brother. He was the educated one. He went away from high school. You know what I mean was he went away. Um, he went away to height from high school. You know I mean he was a smart, smart guy, went away to high school. Then he went to john j, I mean john hopkins university, um, it was not a favoritism, even though he was a smart kid. They looked at him as that bright kid, okay, but but they, my father, still showed me super love.
Speaker 2:I was still closest to my father's so so did you feel any negative effects of your brother getting the spotlight in any way that it did? Nah?
Speaker 1:I mean no, not, not really my mom's everything, everything was it was. I think it was kind of a balance because I think I had more fun than him. You know, the pressure really wasn't, it was on me, but they looked for him to be like they know who's gonna light that candle and keep it going he was on the forefront of the pressure. Yeah, he was here. He took the heat for you and I just get the shrapnel smack me around.
Speaker 2:You know me yeah, yeah, awesome, awesome, awesome. What about you, sherry, and did you experience? I mean, did you experience? I mean, did you experience any favoritism by your parents growing up, or even now, do you have a favorite child in your household?
Speaker 3:So I have three beautiful children? Yes, you do. And I have no favorites, really no, absolutely not. I think all my kids are their own individuals. They all come with different personalities, different goals, different wants and desires and as their mom, I'm just here to support them in anything that they do. Now, not everything that they do in that way I may agree with, but I will never put one against the other. So I'm not going to say, oh, your sister's doing this, why are you not doing this? Or why is your brother doing this and you're not doing that. I think it will haunt them as they get older in life and maybe can hold them back from doing things that they wanted to do in life, because that's going to seem like, oh, my mom preferred this child over that child, my mom preferred this child over that child, although my kids do think like, oh you, you know, you pamper this one more than you pamper this one and I think I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't personally think that way. I think what happened is that my oldest is 28 and the youngest is 16. So you have to wear the option of a grown woman versus someone that still needs their mom 24-7. So I'm a little bit more needy towards the 16-year-old because she needs me there for her. Where my daughter lives on her own, my oldest lives on her own and is doing her thing and is living her life. As far as growing up, I have five. It's five of us, yes, and all of us are very close. Yes, all my brothers and sisters, we're very close, love each and every one of them. I think with my mom I would say that she had favorites. I always used to say that.
Speaker 2:Was it obvious.
Speaker 3:I think it was obvious. I think it's obvious and it stems from my brothers and sisters mainly grew up in Grenada and I grew up here. Okay, so it's a level of difference. Like my mom would say, you gave me trouble, you know, you're hardheaded, you didn't listen, you didn't do this, but ultimately it was more of growing up in this country and the difference with you know, the children here and going to school and the things that they did here Back home. You didn't do that.
Speaker 3:So my brothers and sisters was more structured differently. So my brothers and sisters was more structured differently and so I feel like my mom felt like they were the model and would keen to them and I was more of the rebellious one because you know, out here people come to your house, they go outside, they go hang out, they do things where my parents didn't grow up with that and didn't want that in their household and I was one of the child that kind of like fought against that, like no, I'm going outside, no, no, no, I'm doing that. So the favoritism in my aspect of it came from that point of view. Nice nice.
Speaker 2:It seems like your parents suffered a form of culture shock too, raising the other kids back home and then raising you over here, yeah, which is which is crazy?
Speaker 1:Real quick. What's the age difference in your family, your brothers and sisters?
Speaker 3:my brothers and sisters, oh my God, oh so the ones that was born in Grenada. I think we're like seven to eight years apart.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Seven to eight years apart, and seven to eight years apart, and so when I was a little in like elementary school, my brothers and sisters was already like going on to college, oh okay, and and or more than like eight, nine, ten years, and we could be a little off. I'm not sure of the age, so don't quote me, but we are different in in that aspect. So you know it. It it just stems differently like they were already high school. Someone's already working and doing their thing where I was just now coming up.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, yeah right. So how about you still? How was the um? Was favoritism like really a thing in your house?
Speaker 2:um, now, as me, being a parent, I try not to show any favoritism. I have a son and a daughter, daughter's 19. My son is 15. I love both of them in different ways and it's like Sherry said with my son it's more of a kind of rougher, tougher kind of love, you know, and with my daughter I'm a little more gentle with her. So therefore, I try to keep it even keel. I love both of them the same. Now, on the other end, let me tell my story.
Speaker 2:I grew up with that favoritism household and I may be somewhat a little bitter, you know, but growing up in my household, my father, he, had favorites and it was obvious and I was at the bottom of the totem pole. Now, how many of y'all? It was three of us in my household me, my sister and my brother. I was the first and, from as far back as I can remember, we just didn't get along. Then my sister came, then he, he loved up and she was getting that affection I didn't get. I can't say it. I just had an attitude like hey, listen, you don't like me, I don't like you either, you know what I'm saying. And then my brother was born, and then the love went from my sister to my brother. He loved the hell out of them.
Speaker 2:Me. I didn't get any of that, but I think it just made me thick skin, gave me a hard shell and made me stronger. But it did affect me to the point, you know, and he was just like blatant with it. You know, Westina, he didn't care. You know he didn't try to show any.
Speaker 3:Do you think he didn't care, or he just didn't know how to acknowledge the fact that there was even something wrong with what he was doing? Because I don't think that they always are aware that there is something even wrong with it, culture-wise? I'm just saying, you know, it becomes like a norm. What is he talking about? Yes, so you know, I don't think that your dad intentionally, I think he thought it was the norm and if anyone was to speak to him today he would think what are we talking about?
Speaker 2:Yes, you're exactly right, Because if I bring it up today he'd be like I don't know what you're talking about. But when I look back in our research I actually feel I'm not a professor, I don't have a PhD, but I think his dislike for me actually had to do with my pigmentation of my skin. You understand what I'm saying Because when I was born if y'all think I'm dark now my mom said I was really dark when I was born, so he just didn't take a liking to me. And then when my sister was born, she was a few shades lighter than me and he accepted her quickly. And then, when my brother was born, he was a little few shades lighter than my sister and a little few shades lighter than my sister, and he grasped onto both of them tightly and he just you know, I think that's pretty sad, it is.
Speaker 2:I think that's sad because I'm not out here crying, though. I'm just telling my story.
Speaker 3:I just think that it's sad because when you look, if you're a black man and you're dating a black woman or married a black woman and then you have children, what do you think is going to come from that? So that's something, that's the inner part that maybe people need to look at, and I've mentioned before that I think that black people, you know, when you look, you're like, okay, I'm dating a black man, but I want my child to come up with curly hair and lighter skin or something like that and it's like what are you thinking?
Speaker 3:did you really love the person, or were you loving the skin.
Speaker 2:Right, it's actually a part of systemic racism. I don't really blame my father, because I think he grew up the same way. He just didn't know any better.
Speaker 1:So did you see? You felt that vibe of the whole situation, the lack of love, when you saw love, when he was like actually showing it to your sister.
Speaker 2:That's when you saw love, when he was like actually shown it to your sister. Did that's when you knew, okay, this is not what it was? Yeah, well, I knew, I knew it wasn't right off the back. And then when my sister, my brother, I knew definitely it was obvious now, but I'll have to give all praises to my mother, because I think my mother see the same thing too and that made her embrace me closer. So, for, from the lack of love I was getting from him, she, she, she overcompensated and gave it to me to the point where I didn't feel, anyway, I was good, you understand what I'm saying. Shout out to my mom. She's a very special woman.
Speaker 1:Let me ask y'all a question How's the relationship like far as okay? Do y'all ever I grew up in a house and we didn't tell each other I love you? Oh, yes, my mom and my pops he'll be probably on Christmas or something, or something like that. You know what I mean. Or you better realize it Like hey, I don't know. We don't never hear that word love. I love you.
Speaker 3:That is a fact. You don't hear that word, that is a fact.
Speaker 1:I'm like, it's like I don't know. I mean, I just knew. I thought it was in my house.
Speaker 3:Yes, no, I think it's black.
Speaker 2:Prevalent in a black West Indian household.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't think that they it's like oh, she know, I love her, but saying the word it's a different thing.
Speaker 2:I think it stands back to our great grandmothers and grandfathers living hard lives, you know, struggling back in the islands. There wasn't a lot of money, they were all sharecroppers, they were farmers, and then life was hard and I think they just lacked the empathy towards one another. To say, baby, I love you, so-and-so, is just something that you're supposed to know, and I think they pass it on to our parents and then our parents pass it on to us. But I am trying to change the cycle where in my household now I make sure that we say we love you all the time.
Speaker 2:I tell my wife I love her. I tell my kids I love them. I tell my mother I love them. I just we just recently, us kids, about 15 years ago, we started. We just started acknowledging birthdays, parents' birthdays, gifts, christmas telling each other.
Speaker 3:we loved them. Yes, we wanted to change the cycle.
Speaker 3:I think that's a big deal. I think that's a big deal. I love my brothers and sisters. That's how I grew up up, and my brothers and sisters is a big part of my everyday goal, which is harder as you grow up as an adult, because once they have transitioned into their own family, their family don't understand the love because they didn't grow up with that or they think it's a little weird. Like you know, I've been in situations like how come you talk to your brothers three and four times? Or why do your brother feel like it's okay to pop up and, you know, say hi, but it's like that's what we know. So you know, as a little sister, I'm always there underneath my brothers and sisters.
Speaker 3:So, you know it's always important to be like. You know I'm a big Christmas fan, so you know I love having the whole decor of Christmas and you know, sharing gifts or opening all up together.
Speaker 3:Christmas trees and it could be the little token but, it's an appreciation of just me, showing you that I love you and I care about you. And you know, birthdays I always, you know, text my brothers and sisters, wish them happy birthday and always be like I love you so much. Yes, and because I truly do. And you don't get to say that every day because they're all living their lives, but any opportunity that I can get to say it to them, I will. And unfortunately, I lost my dad.
Speaker 3:You know my dad was killed and you know it's a day, every day that goes by, of a man that I adore and I love more than anything else. And I'll tell anybody, whatever you're going through in your household, in your life or whatever it is, family friends, take the moment, tell your mom you love her. I don't have the best relationship with my mom. I didn't grow up having you know, I was a rebellious child. I didn't listen, I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do, but all that lady had was my best interests you know in mind and she tried to carry that out the best way she can.
Speaker 3:So I can't go back and, you know, take away all the things that I put my mom through. But I can make a difference now so I can visit her, I can call her, I can text her. You know, I can be there for her because she was there for me from day N. I can't be there for my dad, nice. And he spoiled me ridiculously and loved me up and that got taken away from me. So I'll tell anybody you know whatever's going on in your household, fix it.
Speaker 2:Fix it, it's okay.
Speaker 3:Yes, because we don't get to do it all over again. But we could definitely work on what we have right now. So that's my take on that Fix it, fix it.
Speaker 2:Family love. I actually fixed the situation with my father. I mean, we good, now you understand what I'm saying. I grew up. I understood what he was going through. Again, I do not blame him. I think he's just a product of generations of the same thing. You understand? Did you ask him? I asked him. He cannot comprehend what I'm telling him. He's so West Indian. He's like what are you talking about?
Speaker 1:It wasn't me.
Speaker 3:Think about therapy. Something to think about. I went to therapy.
Speaker 2:I love therapy. I I love going to therapy. Therapy was so good to me that my therapist was getting tired of me.
Speaker 3:Right right right.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love therapy, you understand. But to get my father to go to therapy I don't know if you're talking about that Nah, that'll never happen, because first you have to acknowledge that he's in denial right now.
Speaker 1:You understand what.
Speaker 2:I'm saying that's a problem.
Speaker 1:Right, right right.
Speaker 2:But we good, we good solid right now.
Speaker 1:Yes, solve what's going on in family first, and then friends.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's a different. That's definitely you're going to need like 10 therapists around for this joint right there, yeah.
Speaker 3:You know that was just. That was a very touching subject and I hope everybody took a light to it. And I just wanted to touch on something else that I think, else that I think you know bring a lot to people's life as well. And I want to touch on regrets. You know, I think it's a big subject, huge, and I think part of regrets is acknowledgments. That's just my take, yes, and we can get into that. I think we can have a, you know, an open forum, of course. So my thing is that I wanted to touch on in regrets, you know I want to touch on relationship. Has anyone ever been in a relationship and can look back on their relationship and say I have regrets on it? And if you could do it over again, what would you do differently?
Speaker 1:I got regrets. I got regrets to a point where, as far as the relationship, I felt that in a sense, like she wasn't the one Basically she was. It's like you know when somebody say I'm going to edit. It's like you know, like when somebody say, for all your womanizing, you're going to have a daughter.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes yes, this girl was there to just show me, like, just show me all, right. Yeah, this is your punishment. This is your punishment for what she didn't do. What she did do, and I was all the time, I was just taking responsibility. I was taking responsibility, but no, no, no, no. So now, as far as, what would I do if I had to do it all over again? I'll cut her off. No, I don't deserve this. I don't care what what I've done. I didn't do it to you and I should not have you do it to me.
Speaker 2:period, you know yes, I could speak on that. I think when it comes to relationship, we all have regrets. I mean, yeah, I had a few relationships where I didn't realize it was over and I stayed around too long. You know, because I was the type of dude always needed closure. I'm a closure type of guy, like if you don't want to deal with me, no more. I want you to tell me listen, I don't want to deal with you, no more. I want you to tell me listen, I don't want to deal with you, no more. I'd rather deal with that than you playing these little games.
Speaker 2:But as I got older, you know you get to read the games and you could. You could read in between the lines and know they went out. You know, without them saying it, you know. But as far as that, yeah, I stayed in a few relationships too long. I loved a few people more than they loved me. But on the other end, there's a few people that loved me more than I loved them and I they might think I treated them wrong. For all of those, I mean, I feel sorry about it, but leading all the way up to everything now I feel like it all led up to me finding my wife now and I'm in, I'm in a great relationship with my wife now and I just think everything that didn't work out or everything that all led up to this and I'm at where I'm supposed to be now.
Speaker 3:Nice, that's nice, that's nice. Well, my take on it is in a relationship aspect, I do have regrets, and my regrets come from growth. I just think that, with me, wanting to be in a relationship and ready to be in a relationship is two different things. Yes, and going into a relationship and not understanding my partner, or not having the willingness to understand where he's coming from, just knowing like, hey, I'm the girlfriend or I'm the fiance. And my friends joke about a lot of things with me, sometimes like, oh girl, you catch rings because I did get three rings.
Speaker 2:Oh, you see the Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 3:But, you know I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready and it sounds nice like, oh my God, you're engaged and oh my God, you know you're engaged and oh my God, you know your thing, but are you ready, you know, and that's something that I had to deal with. So, as far as regrets, yes, I have regrets of not one particular person, of not listening to that person, but just wanting to be with that person, but wasn't listening to that person.
Speaker 3:I understand and not understanding what he wanted from me as a woman. And if I was willing to, I wasn't willing to give him that. And not until we're in a bad place I'm sitting back and saying, damn, I wanted to give him that. So you know, that's where my regrets come from in life and you know people can say what you want to say. You know, a lot of times I meet guys like, oh God, you're not wifed up yet, You're not married yet, it's not my time and it's not. I have no issues getting a man, I have no issues finding a partner. It just was not my time yet. And as I'm older, now I'm ready for whatever comes to my table, because I know how to handle what comes on the table and there will be no more regrets, Because then I'm also in a place that I can give him what he wants and he can receive it and he can embrace it.
Speaker 3:And reciprocate it and exactly, and we could be okay. So I'm looking to throw regrets out the table on my book and never have to revisit that word or have that word in any relationship that god placed me, because he's placing me there because it's my time right.
Speaker 1:yes, you know, that's my take on that I I look at regrets as like a learning. You learn from it Of course.
Speaker 1:You learn from it. It's a learning, it's a lesson in every type of regret, like, even like, go a little further, as far as in the modern relationships, like you regret what you should have done with this friend or that friend, or in business or stuff like that. And one regret as far as like friendship, or as far as like business and stuff like that, or just people, or just people in the landscape of where, the direction of your business, whichever way you're going with it. One of my regrets is I didn't really believe in myself too tough, I didn't have that courage to like all right, it's like I always, I always felt that I always needed a team. Yes, I always felt like I needed a team to do it instead of just applying, applying like myself, to it all that happens and then I wind up being in situations where, like I had to question, I question my moves, I question why did I select this person or that person to come with me on this journey? And then everything just backfires because you know what I should have?
Speaker 2:just took time out and just done me as far as life, you're going to make mistakes and, like you said, the important part is like you learn off the mistakes and you make sure those mistakes don't happen again. And I'm sure every I believe every human being has some sort of regrets.
Speaker 3:I mean, if you're not, if you don't have regrets, you're not living or you're in heavy denial.
Speaker 2:So of course. But you know, as we get older we try to get it right, and the closer we get to getting it right, the more complete we are as people.
Speaker 1:I agree, I agree, I agree. And one of the questions that was in our group chat from Sherry Ann. She was asking would we step out from dating our race? Would we do that Absolutely? And sometimes I tell you this, I tell you this man If my fiance didn't come, I would have been dealing with a.
Speaker 2:Dealing with a caucasian woman easy, easy, she saved the black race. Now, now, what's one thing with me you got to divide now dating? Dating somebody out the race and getting settled down with somebody out the race is two different things. Now, what were you talking about, like settling down, marrying this person?
Speaker 1:oh, yeah, I would have done. I would have done it. I mean it was she, I would. Yeah, I would have done it. I mean it was she, I would have done it. I would have done it because I would have found that one, the one that actually idolized and loves the black man you know what I'm saying and I would have yeah, I understand that point.
Speaker 3:Okay, I don't want to jump in. No, I'm just saying.
Speaker 2:I understand that point. Sometimes you got gotta love who loves you, right? You know some people say that's the philosophy a certain other. But uh, me I can see myself dating outside the race because to me beautiful women are just beautiful women, right, no matter what race. But as far as marrying somebody I'm, I'm big on who I bring home to my mother and that's one of the reasons why, you know, my wife is from the same culture, she's from the same place my mother's from, so they have this connection. Where they could, I don't have to be around and they could sit around and they could talk, talk and get along. You know, there's no barriers. But as far as me bringing a marrying a Caucasian, there's nothing wrong with Caucasian women, you understand. It's just not my cup of tea and I can't see me just bringing Caucasian women home to my mother.
Speaker 3:I think somewhat. They might not say it, but I think they will feel a little disappointed for our culture. Well, I think dating outside the races to me it was never a thought process, but it has become a thought process and my take on it is is just the black men which I love. I think that we don't promote our black men as much as we we need to black women. I don't think that we put them on the pedestal that they need to to be as no, but on the interim, the black men don't give us what we're looking for either. So you got to look at it on both aspects of it, as to why a woman me I can only speak to me, would want to even entertain or go outside the race. So I can love my black men.
Speaker 3:But if you sit in here and you're not loving me the same, or your commitment status is, I don't know you're okay with me being your baby mother, you're okay with me being your friend, but you want me to cook, clean and wash and do everything as a wife needs to be and don't want to go further into that, then it's hard to put you on that pedestal that you do deserve, because black men are always put down.
Speaker 3:I find it's like, oh, you're always finding a fault with the brothers, there's always something with the brothers, but so the brothers need to stop thinking about what if could. Or my homeboy never got married and that worked great. And you know, the boy down the block was living with his girl for 10 years and nothing happened and make your own decision, build your own life and give the woman what they want because she deserve it, not hand it over, because some of you guys just hand it over and these women don't even deserve it. They're not even getting up and say babe, did you eat, did you drink? Are you okay? Are we going 50? All right, you got a dollar, I got a dollar, we got two, and these are the women that you push to the side and then you uplift the other women.
Speaker 3:So you know it's it's. You know it's like a give and take kind of situation. Another race is quick to uplift me, it's quick to say you're beautiful. It's okay to say babe, you want to go out to eat, you want to go out to drink. You know you want to go out and do stuff, not always be in one place. So sometimes black women do entertain the fact of going outside the race because the race giving them what they want.
Speaker 2:I agree 100 percent. And you know a lot of black men. They don't know how. They don't know how to love black women because they don't love themselves.
Speaker 3:But then they love outside of their race. So then that's that's the thing, because then you know, I see comments of people saying you know what I can? I can go out and date this, this person, because a black woman, she talks too much or she has too much attitude, or she has all these different things. What do you think a white or a Spanish or Chinese have? She wants a man that's wellressed and groomed and taking her out, and you know she wants the same thing. She's maybe not as vocal, Maybe she's not as vocal about it, but she's thinking along the same lines that any woman is. I feel like any woman wants that. I want a black man because I think black men deserve to be analyzed, to be the king, to be able to be like I have my queen and they walk that path. I don't want to walk with another race and like, okay, they're a cute couple, why can't I have my black man on my side and have that?
Speaker 1:What about the requirements? Are you going to have the same requirements for the black man as the white man?
Speaker 3:I want a man the word is a man that's going to bring what I'm looking for. That's the question. My preference is my own.
Speaker 1:Right, but I look at it like this I look at it for a black woman who has this thing with her. I look at it for a black woman who has this thing with her, and for black men. She's going to run into the same problem with a white man, because what she's going to expect from the white man, as you say, is going to be similar to the black man. Only difference is that he's just going to really really care about you and he's not going to really cheat on you, stuff like that. And that's what I think. But for me, how the difference would be is I would be the same, but like, right now, if I get into, when I get, I mean, I'm engaged, however, but I don't put pressure on my fiancee for this or that. I don't put no pressure on her.
Speaker 1:But then I was finding myself before her. I was going through like women who was just over the top. The expectations were so high. They had high, high expectations that they don't even see in they self. This is what I want. I want this, I want that, but like come on.
Speaker 1:You want somebody fit and this and this and you don't go to the gym.
Speaker 2:Yes, these black women right now are very demanding right now. No offense to black women out there and I'm not generalizing but I'm going to say a percentage of black women right now are very demanding.
Speaker 3:But then you have men that when they meet a woman, you don't come to the table just as you are. You come to the table in pretense and then you don't want to keep up the pretense that you brought to the table. So if you came to me in a, in a gap t-shirt and some gap slippers, and I accept you for who you are, that's how it is. But if you come with balenciagas and you come with gucci and you come with this, and then you're buying this off off the bet, this is exactly what she's expecting all the time.
Speaker 2:You can't change the game she's supposed to see past that, yes, you you, can't you what I'm trying to say right, and it's cool, I can take it.
Speaker 3:But a lot of women are going to say every woman likes nice things, of course. But I can accept a man for who they are, in brand name or off brand name, because I know better is to come, because that's how you present yourself. But if you present yourself in fancy cars, in all these brand names and stuff, this is what I expect from you each time you pulled up to me, each time you come out, because that's what you present every.
Speaker 1:I mean women too. They put on their sundays best. They all do, everybody. Their first impression is everything to everybody for the first week or so, and then I tell you something. That's truth serum. The truth serving to bring things back to reality is that once after you sleep to that sleep with that person, then you're gonna see how they really are, how that baby, how that maybe not how they dress, but you're gonna, you're gonna see how they really are.
Speaker 1:Maybe not how they dress, but you're going to see how they handle you. From that point forward, people put their best Sunday clothes on first.
Speaker 3:I'm going to put my best Sunday dress to go out to eat, right.
Speaker 1:But I'm not.
Speaker 3:I am not and he knows that. He knows me on that. I was always what A sweatpants, sweatshirt, sneakers type of girl and I was always my jeans not too tight, not too this, but I was always a down to earth girl and that captured people on its own because I bought who I am. So, therefore, when you saw me in my Sunday dress, you was like, oh damn, I caught something really good, right, right, okay. So there's a difference, because I am going to go outside in sweatpants, I'm going to go with some slippers, I'm going to go with a brand name t-shirt or no brand that I paid $5 for, but when I go out, I am going to put myself together because you're going to be like damn, I caught something really good here.
Speaker 3:So, there's a difference between women and girls and there's a difference between a woman that comes with who she is and have that confidence in what she is, and then you have a girl that's just looking for a moment to shine. It's a big difference there.
Speaker 2:Understood. I think it's human nature for people to put on their Sunday's best First time. First impressions means everything. So, for that first time, you're going to do everything, You're going to make sure everything is up to par to basically try to impress this person Right, and, as a man, your motive is to impress this person. So therefore, you could get intimate with this person, yes, and then, after you got intimate to this, person.
Speaker 1:I mean, I hate this, but with men sometimes the interest kind of yeah, you're conquered, yeah it feels like you're conquered, so why do I have to do all these things anymore?
Speaker 3:you know you want to keep her right but you want to keep the person if you like her. You love your fiance and you want to keep her. You loved your wife before she became and you wanted to keep her. You wanted to go in that direction. So you got to keep coming to the stuff on the table. Now that you got me, don't forget that once in a while we went out to eat yes, don't forget that once in a while we go, you know, by my mom for dinner.
Speaker 3:Whatever it is that kept you intrigued. You want to keep that. I want to be able to see you and be like, damn brother. You still turn me on, five years from now, 10 years from now, whatever. Because you still keep your physique up and you still looking good. You know, my hair's still done, makeup is still going Like certain things. You want to keep going. When you fall, that's when you start straying and I'm going to tell every female this, every female this. Don't come to me and say, oh, I got the and I could do this and this is why he's over here and I do splits and cartwheel. Girl, that don't work because he's gonna cheat. He's gonna cheat. You could have did 10 cartwheel it don't matter.
Speaker 3:It don't matter. He didn't cheat on you because of the cartwheel. There was something missing in the home somewhere, something you did turned him off and he went to the person that gave him that at that moment. Whether he keeps that person, that's a different story. But there's a reason why he stole. It was nothing to do with you. Something you did turned him off at that moment and then he swore to that other person that gave him that at that time. Now, whether he keeps it up, that's on him.
Speaker 2:It's your job, too, to make sure he keeps it up, and it's your job to make sure that, if you felt like you stole what can I do to keep him back?
Speaker 3:Because, there's a reason why he left me in the reason. It wasn't just that it was something I did. First you got to figure out what you did and then is it worth it to keep going to try to get him back.
Speaker 1:But you know, sometimes, sometimes it men, men are impulsive and it's like sometimes you don't need to do nothing and they're gonna they'll cheat there's opportunity but that's who he is yeah, it is opportunity and that's why I I always, like you know, you try to cut certain things Like you deal with somebody all right, they had homeboys, oh no, you make them cut ties with certain things so they won't be put in a situation to actually you know, hey, when they're tempted to indulge yeah. Or they're the shoulder to cry on you know, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:But that's what majority of the time, as you say, that is something that they're lacking. For you to want to go out and do it. Because you know, like me, I mean I stopped totally because I'm happy. I'm happy now and it's like I'm more focused on something else. You know, I got to the age I got to a point in my life I'm like all right, you know what I'm going here, this direction. I got my child and then you got to a lot of time. Men don't, they don't try to, they don't look at the risk factor of what they're going to lose by doing that. You don't look at it.
Speaker 2:You that you don't look at it. You don't be like it's spontaneous, you don't look at it, but like, oh shit, if I get, especially if alcohol is involved you don't you don't look at it.
Speaker 1:You don't look at that um, you know what's gonna happen next, so shoot, you can't, you're gonna. You you're seeing your child like um what? Every every once a month for the weekends. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:yeah, so even if you have children and it didn't work out with your partner and you meet someone else, just you know.
Speaker 3:Think about your situation period and just you know if you meet a girl that you really like and she's beneficial to you and you love her and you care for her, then you know, stick it out. You know she could be beneficial and it's going to help you in so many different ways. Help you be a better father. Help you, you know you could be a great step to help you in so many different ways. Help you be a better father. Help you, you know you could be a great stepfather. There's so many different aspects, I think, in that. And girls don't go talking to a next brother about your relationship. It ain't going to work. It ain't going to work.
Speaker 2:You know why? Because he's just sitting there on the prowl, plotting, plotting to get the next man out so he could get in his place.
Speaker 3:Plotting and it's lessons learned, because as women I've done it, been guilty. You just thinking oh, that's my friend. Women, there's no friends in men.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you said that.
Speaker 3:There's no friends in men. Men always have this there's.
Speaker 3:Uh, that's positioning that's chess yeah, it's like damn he, he did that. Yeah, oh girl, you shouldn't do that. But in the back of your head he wants to talk to you girls, he wants to deal with you. So when your man said, leave that friend alone, sometimes you know we get combative and we're like what, what, what? I learned the hard way. Sometimes you got to leave that friend alone. It's not you know. Do you want the relationship or you want the friend? You pick your battles, you choose, but that's what it boils down to. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Let me piggyback on what you just said about the friends now. Now, if you're in an intimate relationship with somebody and you still have a bunch of friends, then do you think you have to stop hanging out with those friends and give all your time and commitment to this person, or could you balance? Could you balance?
Speaker 3:it. There's no balance. And what?
Speaker 2:about male friends also.
Speaker 3:You can have. No, if we're talking about girlfriends and male friends, you can have girlfriends. I have girlfriends that are in committed relationships, some are married friends. I have girlfriends that are in committed relationships. Some are married, some are, you know, in relationships. And you have a friend like me that understands. There's a time place. There's a time for everything. My friends cannot do the same things you know that they used to do. They cannot go out and just up on a limb. They have to answer to someone.
Speaker 3:So, it's a matter of respect and I respect my friends and I respect their relationships. So you know, with that, to me that plays a role as far as male friends I'm talking from experience I would leave that alone. It all ties into regrets and all of that. I'm going to leave that alone because it ruined my relationship. Yeah, I don't play that male friend.
Speaker 2:It ruined my relationship. I don't play that male friendship. You got to cut all of that out.
Speaker 3:I was very combative like why and I fought and was very argumentative and I was the losing battle because I have my own battles that I'm fighting because of being so combative. So is it worth it? Absolutely not. If they're your true friend, they will understand. And if they care about you and they say that's really my homegirl, they will back off, fall back.
Speaker 3:And they will understand and respect what you're asking of them. And women, you are not soft Right and you're not less than anything. If you made a decision to say I'm falling back, I'm not calling you, don't text my phone, nothing, because my man yes, or my future husband.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's uncomfortable with that.
Speaker 3:Or my fiance has an issue and a problem and he doesn't like it, I'm going to fall all the way back Because you know what? You'll be left with me Regrets, yes, thinking about be left with me. Regrets, yes, thinking about what if, could or would or shoulda just leave it alone. It's not worth it. It's not, especially if you're trying to build a family, you're trying to build a home. That male friend stuff don't work. No man is going to understand why is your friend hitting you up at or this hour. He's not going to understand why this friend feels the privilege to ring your bell. Why does this man feel meant to hug you or to say, hi, leave that alone, leave it alone, I belong to him.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 3:And that's what my preference is is to him Facts and that's it.
Speaker 1:Talk your shit. Owned and operated by him. That's right, that's it.
Speaker 3:If you don't like it, you can have whatever opinion you want, but I belong to him and that's who I'm going to give my all to, because when that door is closed, the only love I'm looking for is him. So if I'm not looking for love for you, what do you matter? At this point in time? There's no argument there. My devotion is to the person that I want to be with, it's not to my friend. And if my friend don't like it, then obviously you was never my friend in the first place and you had alternative motive and you needed to be left alone altogether.
Speaker 3:My man word is the word Okay. Okay, now let's flip that?
Speaker 2:Could you? Could your man or significant other or a fiance, a husband, have female friends? Would you feel comfortable with that?
Speaker 3:I don't really know. To a certain degree. To a certain degree because I'm not a jealous girl. To a certain degree quote, unquote, because I can be a little. Everybody has a little jealousy. I think that if I'm introduced to the girl and I say it's hi, you could say hi, you could say hi and what's up. But there's a difference with your homegirl coming over you going by your homegirl, you doing us.
Speaker 1:That that's a no, that's a disrespect because one, she don't respect me.
Speaker 3:she's watching me and saying what is she talking about? That's her man and bigging him up and doing all of this. This dude was right at my house bringing tea over, or he just bought me a whole sandwich, or whatever the case may be, it's the same catch. Number two is just a matter of respect, respecting your mate respecting your husband, respecting your fiance and, most of all, respecting yourself.
Speaker 3:If I have a good thing, nobody's getting in between that. Male, female, whatever you want to be, you're not coming in between that and that's a lesson I had to learn. I would never bring anybody into my zone. My man word is God as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 2:How do you feel about that Mont?
Speaker 1:I mean as far as me having Female friends. I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want her to have male friends. So I mean, I respect the landscape, it's that simple, it's simple I respect the landscape. I respect the landscape, but let's, let's talk about something else. You're talking about respect, right?
Speaker 2:let's talk about respect.
Speaker 1:Now you know, growing up in these flappers, just like you know, the western culture is heavy, heavy over there when we coming up, right, we coming up in, um, you know, hip-hop and the reggae scene and clubs and all that stuff like that. And my question to y'all right, I had a problem, like I had a problem.
Speaker 3:See they laughing already. I know where you're going. They laughing already because they know.
Speaker 1:Because we spoke on it. It's like this thing about you know, you have a West Indian, like, say, like a West Indian woman, or like, say, like my homeboy, he's married to a West Indian woman and you know she goes to clubs, and not her per se, she don't dance with people. But then you would hear, it's only a dance. Like my cousins and the girls. They'd be like, oh, it's only a dance. But then my question to y'all as far as being respectful, if you have a man, you have a woman. Is it okay, being that it's your culture, to dance with other people Before?
Speaker 2:we get into that Grinding, yeah, yeah. I think we need to define what kind of dance you're talking about. We're not talking about a little two-step. No, we're talking about a soaker whining down to the ground.
Speaker 1:Down to the ground Dirty wine kind of.
Speaker 2:Thing.
Speaker 1:Dirty, dirty wine.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, dirty wine, no.
Speaker 2:But there's some women that are involved with people and they say it's just a dance and they expect their man to be okay with that.
Speaker 3:But you know what, in all perspective, westinian men and Westinian women have a different. It's going to be a whole, and I'm sure our viewers are going to say the same thing it's a whole different. It's a whole different conversation, because they're not going to see anything wrong with that, because that's how they grew up. And they grew up as it's just a dance Now, american men and a West Indian woman. That's a no, that's a no. It's not. They're not trying to understand it. There's no, no, they're not trying to understand it. There's no reason, there's no acknowledgement of it. I don't care if you grew up in the back hill and that's what you do Once you became my woman. There's a no, and I know it firsthand. I know it firsthand. That's a no. It has caused conflict, it has caused tear apart. It just doesn't happen. And all I could tell you, monty, it just took acknowledgement, sitting back, putting myself in that shoe, watching, understanding and seeing how it played out and saying this brother is right.
Speaker 2:Looking from the outside. Looking at the outside.
Speaker 1:Did you argue with him first when he wanted those? I certainly did.
Speaker 3:I try to build the case because this your culture. It's not just, that's the culture. No one, ever no one else I've ever dated, ever had an issue.
Speaker 1:Which you got to dance to.
Speaker 3:And it could be the other gentlemen that I've dated has been West Indian or have had West Indian or had had West Indian background, so it was never like an issue or to say, well, okay, it's just a dance, like, oh, you know, that's, that's cousin, cousin Troy, and you know she's dancing with cousin Troy and it's nothing. However, dating someone of an American, you know it's, it's a no-go, it's just like it's not trying to hear it. Hit your back.
Speaker 1:Shouldn't even be touching the back of that person.
Speaker 3:There's no comments. And you know, in the first it was just like, oh my God. Like, I'll be honest, I was combative. I was like, oh my God, what is that? What is you know? But then, when you sit back and turn, it's the same thing that I said before. If you have male friends and he's God, your man is God. What brings that same God having an okay with me winding on an ex-brother?
Speaker 1:Facts.
Speaker 3:I can't keep saying that's God and hold him up when I'm basically putting dirt on his face when I'm outside. Yeah, it doesn't work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's your thoughts though?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's a no-go. That's a no-go in any way or form. But my wife you can't, I don't care, cousin, you can't dance like that to nobody. And you can hear it in my voice I don't. I'll be very offended to the point where I might want to end the relationship because I feel that's very and I will feel disrespected, right. I would think the people around are looking at me and saying, look, this man got his girl getting grinded out by some other guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but suppose you're not there. It's still wrong. It's still wrong.
Speaker 2:It's still wrong, wrong is wrong, no matter what you understand.
Speaker 3:And also when your man and I'm speaking because my man spoke about it and still I did it because I was saying like, oh, you know, my friend at the time was like his wife was right there, yeah. So I felt like, okay, you know, his wife is there, you know, it's cool, it's just a dance. But I didn't put the man that I put as God and said that's my man and I love him so much first, because if I had put him first at that time, at the moment, then I would have never did a dance.
Speaker 3:You know, and even though it was just a dance. It's just the whole perspective of the disrespect, because he walks around like this is who he is then now I'm disrespecting him. Yes, because now I done showed him like he's not the man, you know regardless to how you want to put it.
Speaker 2:So it all the ego. Fuck this eagle up, so it all falls into regrets.
Speaker 3:You know it all.
Speaker 3:It all falls into regrets, and it all falls into respect and the thing, the only thing you can try to do, if that person allows you, if that person allows you back into the element, if that person allows you back into his world, is to try to fix what you. You know where you and it can be it's and I'm not. I'm not preaching for any particular reasons. I'm just saying, if that person allows you back women, if that person allows you back into your world, into his world, and allowed you and talked about or talked to himself, don't disappoint the brother, because the next time around it might not be the way you anticipated it to work in your favor. If you hold that person humbly and you respect and love the person, respect everything about him. Your body is his body and that's just how it works. So when you walk outside, you're a representation of him at all times, no matter what.
Speaker 2:And that just took time knowledge growth understanding and even if you're in a party with your significant other. Even though there's hundreds of people around, your focus will still be on your significant other On that partner.
Speaker 3:That's your partner, because you said you wanted to be in a relationship yeah.
Speaker 3:So that's a question women, we have to when we ask our brothers that we want them to respect us, we want them to love us and we want all these different things that we want all the time when we walk outside, show them that it's worth everything that we've talked about in that house. Show them that it's worth it when you walk. My friend says something to me that it just sticks to me and it raged in my head all the time. It's like, no matter where I'm at, I'm there with you. I'm not physically there. Yeah, you're a reflection of him.
Speaker 1:I'm a reflection of you all the time.
Speaker 3:And no one should feel comfortable enough to approach you and to even get you in that mindset.
Speaker 1:Say it's a West Indian man, he has no problem with that. But would your philosophy still be the same? That's different, or you would like.
Speaker 3:I'm only speaking of what happened to me on the sense of dating an American person, west Indian person. I never had those issues. So if you asked me that you know, prior to I, probably my views probably Would have been different, because that person never, you know, gave me that, you know, like I was free to do what I wanted to do, right. But at the same time I can tell you that it leaves you with no structure, and I'm not saying it like you know. It just leaves you With no structure and I'm not saying it like you know. It just leaves you with no structure. It's like everyone's having fun, everyone's having a good time and there's no balance, if I make sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's like, as far as dancing I mean West Indy with me I could say it's only a dance. West Indy men say it's only a dance. But trust me, the men like say, some of the American boys they up on it and even some West Indian boys they up on it. They have intentions Even to the moves, how it's just a dance and people closing their eyes and you grinding and all that stuff. Come on, you're doing too much, you're bending down it's doing so much.
Speaker 1:You're doing so much To me, I think it becomes like dirty dancing you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:It's sensual.
Speaker 3:It's sensual, it's sexual.
Speaker 1:Some cultures they dance, they dance to, you know, according to they, you know to get a mate or something like that.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean? Yeah, the mating dance. Yeah, they do certain things.
Speaker 1:So dance is really mean In the animal kingdom too, yeah yeah, yeah, In the peacocks Peacock was spread.
Speaker 2:Spread it, Spread it Like okay what's going on? You know what I mean? That's a mating call.
Speaker 3:So I think that, and then you think she belongs to everybody, right, she's turning on to everybody there's nothing about me, that's special.
Speaker 2:Let's be realistic. If you see a woman that you were sexually attracted to and you get a chance to grind on her, you're going to get, you're going, you're going to you're going, but then you don't want her.
Speaker 3:It goes back to that you don't want her.
Speaker 1:Why, right, you don't?
Speaker 3:you don't want her, because then you're just like okay, no, no, Sterling Stoker, I think he's talking about from a hunter perspective.
Speaker 1:Oh, from a hunter. Yeah, yeah, Okay, got you.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to get yo she fly. I want to get up on that. Begin a soaker dance now. Now, that dance is going to be more than a dance to me. You understand, you put your best runs.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:Facts facts, the best hip movements and all that. You know what I? Yeah, yeah, getting your rocks off.
Speaker 1:That's how I feel, hey, I mean listen. I say that's why, hey, listen, Men, men don't just go for that. It's only just a dance, though man Don't buy into that Many have been fooled. Don't buy into that man. She's out there dancing. No, no, no. She go to Trini or go to these carnivals.
Speaker 3:But, it, it's good for us to go out and dance by ourselves too and have a good time, and the men don't always have to like come over like flocks, you know. Oh, it's just a dance. I was just at an event yesterday chilling and they're like it's just a dance. Why you don't want to dance? Because I don't want to dance. I'm okay with dancing by myself. I'm okay with dancing with my girlfriend, that's. It Doesn't make me, corny, doesn't make me anything. I don't want to.
Speaker 2:I hated that when I was single, when you went to a club and the girl is skinning out and you tried to dance and she's like I just hate to dance by myself.
Speaker 1:That was always back to me. I'm just putting on a show for myself, but it depends on how she's dancing too, because if she's just dancing, music training.
Speaker 2:Sensual dancing? Well, no, sensual dancing. And she's going to a moment and then she's dancing with her friend. She got the friend, the girl, humping on her like the girl is a mom. No, no, no.
Speaker 3:That's a bit much.
Speaker 1:Hold on hold on Move over a little bit Let me get some room over there. You know what I mean. But yeah, again, I mean, listen, it's a culture difference. But you know, I cause I was speaking to my other homeboy about it and I was used to saying like yo, nah, cause he's, he's American, his wife is Trini. He's like nah, I'm not going for that.
Speaker 1:I don't want thing going on here and that's pretty much even. I tell you this, I tell you this even go a little further than that. I wouldn't even my fiance I don't care if she's out with her girls or whatever I don't even want a guy just holy dancing in front of each other. I don't even go for that. Yeah, I don't even go for that. No, let alone up grinding. I'm not going for that because I'll get for the same respect. I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me too, that's the same thing. I don't do that when.
Speaker 1:I go with my wife. I don't focus on anybody else I don't dance with anybody. Imagine them holding your hand and pulling to the dance floor.
Speaker 2:Sherri-Ann is my cousin, so if Sherri-Ann come, we'll bust a little. Yeah it's your family here there's a difference.
Speaker 3:We're not like you know no, there's no grinding or anything like that because at the same time, sterling also have to respect the fact that you know, if I introduce you to my peoples and I say that's my cousin, I focus. If he walk into some place, what the if sterling is on you like this, that ain't no cousin that ain't no, cousin, you know dance and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:So it all ties into those different type of things. And you know his wife I love, I love his wife. You know you stand here, you stand here. You do you know one little two things like all right, you walk away, there's no, there's no touching, there's no, none of that. That's that, to me, is appropriate, right, you know, I don't know how you feel about you know your, but it's like if she's with her cousin and she's standing here and he's standing there and it's like okay, yeah, a little twit.
Speaker 3:You know you're not going to yeah, but you will still feel some way if your cousin was up on as a West Indian and up on because West Indians they do do that.
Speaker 1:And I have a question. When women say I'm a single mom, I mean single in two ways single that you're not in a relationship, or single that you're doing this alone single, as, financially, I have done it alone.
Speaker 3:Single, as you have children and there are men. At the time I had my kids young. That was like, all right, well, I got her pregnant and it was like, okay, it didn't work out, and on to the next and they live in their life and I'm the child that like, okay, it didn't work out, on onto the next and they live in their life and I'm the child that. I'm the woman that didn't believe in child support. I'm not taking you to court, I didn't force you.
Speaker 3:I didn't force you to. I didn't force you to sleep with me. I didn't force you to do all of that. I'm not going to force you to take care of your seed. Your parents should have grown you in the fact that you would want to take care of your children and you should want to do what you need to do. And since you're not, I'm going to do what I have to do, because they're not babies forever. They do grow up and they do see things on their own.
Speaker 3:So, as a single mom that took care of my children, I took the time to say you know what I had my daughter at 19. I couldn't do it by myself. Say you know what I had my daughter at 19. I couldn't do it by myself. My sister stepped in and helped me. My daughter calls my sister mom as well, but she was a mom. She is a mom and I took accountability to say I couldn't do it alone. It was hard, you know what I mean. And my daughter graduated beautiful young lady doing her thing, you know, and I continue that trend with my son and with my other daughter. It's like no regrets on having my children whatsoever Hands down. I would do it all over again 20 times. But I take acknowledgement, accountability for my actions, for sleeping with these people and for having children. I take accountability, you know, for all of those things that happen and with that accountability, I continue to raise them to be model citizens.
Speaker 1:Nice, nice. When I hear women say, um, they single mothers, and and, but the say the father, yes, your circumstance is different. I say the father, your circumstance is different. Say the father is actually helping. It's like a major role in a child's life. I hear that. I hear that I heard this actual conversation where this couple they wasn't together and he would ask her what are you saying? When you're saying I'm a single mother, what are you implying? You're not a single mom If I'm in my child's life, how are you a single mom if I'm?
Speaker 3:in my child's life. How are you a single mom? Maybe she's using the term in the sense of like she, not with the.
Speaker 1:I think they're talking about the household but a lot of times when women say she's a single mom, she's basically saying that I'm holding my kids down. What does that mean?
Speaker 2:I think she means she's paying the bills in the household.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that means the man ain't doing nothing Because if he has his child, he's supposed to be giving money to pay for certain things.
Speaker 3:Well, my definition of a single mom is if you are a woman that have children, you are no longer with the gentleman that you had the child with and he is not financially contributing to your household, contributing to your child, whether it's summer clothes, winter clothes, money on a weekly basis, food in the fridge those things is what keep your child going. If I'm doing all of that by myself, I am a single mother.
Speaker 2:But I don't think when women say single mothers they don't mean all of that. It could mean different things. You know, it could be interpreted in different ways the word single but you know the way it should be is like okay, you're doing everything by yourself.
Speaker 3:If the man is partaking, you know whether he's paying child support, whether he's paying child support and taking care of his kid. He's picking up every other weekend and he's doing his stuff. He's not. You're not a single parent.
Speaker 1:You know You're not a single parent. You guys are doing it together, you're just not in a relationship aspect. If he's talking to you, if every guy's talking to you, like you're single, I'm single. He's talking to you. Hey, how you doing Blah, blah, blah. And then what's your status? Yeah, I'm single. Oh, no, I'm a single mother.
Speaker 2:No, I'm single. I think she's saying I'm single, oh no, I'm a single mother. Like no, I'm single. I think she's saying I'm single and I'm a mother, I'm single. I would say I'm single, do you?
Speaker 3:have children? Yes, I do have children. Are you with their father? No, I'm not with their father. Yeah, but I think that you know it depends on the dialogue Of the conversation.
Speaker 1:I believe women. I believe women who has kids, and even though they're not with the gentleman but he's a hell of a father. I don't think it should be brought out in the front. You're single, you're not single.
Speaker 3:I think don't join the two together.
Speaker 1:You're not a single parent. Don't say that You're single. You're not a single. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 3:I would say, as far as relationship-wise, it's okay to talk to other people and engage or whatever, or date. But you know, when the question come of children me and my child's father co-parent- Co-parent, a beautiful co-parent situation. I wouldn't use the word beautiful.
Speaker 1:I would just say you know?
Speaker 3:we co-parent, because then you don't want to use certain words when you're getting to know someone.
Speaker 1:Because then it's like okay, what's?
Speaker 3:beautiful. You know everyone's a little touchy about these type of things. So I would just say we co-parent, we co-parent nicely. You know he picks him up every other weekend or you know he gives money, stuff like that, and that's you know. Maybe another time we could talk about it, because that's always a subject that needs to be brought forward, and women always a subject that needs to to be brought forward.
Speaker 3:And women there's a lot of things that women do on that type of line that you might not like me, viewers, for that, but my views is very strong on that. Like, if the man want to be a father, let him be a father. Stop giving him a hard time, stop doing all these extra stuff. Stop, you know, trying to because you're still living a single life and maybe not married. Or you know, living with a man and he done moved on and got married. Don't give him a hard time. You had your chance and for whatever reason it didn't work out. It has nothing to do with the child. I think that's a great subject that you know. One day we could just probably touch on and see what the viewers view.
Speaker 3:But, women may not like me on that. I'm very strong about that.
Speaker 2:Like leave the brothers alone, Stop taking them to court, and I'm involved in that. I got strong views too on that.
Speaker 3:I say that Stop dragging them to court, stop dragging their name down, stop giving them such a hard time, because you're preventing them from being the father that they can be because of that and stop talking bad about them to the kids, To the children.
Speaker 3:Stop it Like that. I'm not for. I don't praise no woman for that. You never get me on your side for that, women, you never like it. I feel like you guys are behaving off of hate, hatred and it's not being right. If he wants to be a father, let the man be a father.
Speaker 1:Let him be, let him be, let him be, let him be, let him be.
Speaker 3:He'll probably be the thing ever happened and what's going to end up happening? That child's going to grow up hating you, the mother, and more falling to the father, because he can see that the man is trying and everything that he's done. You are just. You know, let him be. There's a lot of good brothers out there that it just didn't work out in relationship-wise, but he's an excellent father.
Speaker 2:Let him be Facts plus facts.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to get much plus on that for the women but,