Reg in AtL
Reg in AtL
Decoding Dating: Attachment Styles
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In this episode Reggie and DJ navigate the dynamic dating terrain, exploring attachment styles, preferences, deal breakers and much more.
Attachment Theory and Dating Compatibility
Speaker 1This Reggie ATL coming to you from the love city of Atlanta , georgia , and you know , typically , dj , when I'm on this show , I'm going out to another city . It'll be like this is Reggie ATL going out to Cali . This Reggie ATL going out to Chicago , but I'm going out to Atlanta Like I'm not even . I'm not even going nowhere . This is Reggie ATL , got DJ here with us and I'm going to give you a chance to introduce yourself here , DJ , because I've been on your show talking , dating and stuff like that and it was much more sophisticated operation . She had like her own little studio set up . There was like people there , it's just me here on this show and a light and a computer , like there's nothing . I don't have all the bells and whistles , dj , how are you doing ?
Speaker 2I'm doing great and what you got going on is super dope . I hate that I don't have my mic , but my name is DJ Robinson . I am the founder and creator of Plumper Keeps podcast and dating app , built around self awareness and compatibility games . So when two people match , they have to play a compatibility game based on love , language , sexual compatibility , emotional intelligence or attachment theory . It's a attachment theory .
Speaker 1We're yo , yo . What's attachment theory ?
Speaker 2So attachment theory is basically a theory . Oh my God , the name escapes me , but basically it's a theory that came about , I believe , in the 1960s could be a little earlier than that , but we're all born with an attachment style . So there's four different types . There's the secure attachment style , so that means you know you were secure , you were raised in a household where your parents supported you , so you grow up and you don't have any like too much securities when dealing with people in relationships . And then there's the three other types , which is considered insecure attachment style .
Speaker 2So there's the dismissive avoidant . So that might be the person who is independent . You know they might , can just have sex , multiple sexual partners , and they're okay , they don't need , they don't really easily get attached . Then there's the anxiously attached , so that's that clingy person who may call you 55 times because they're trying to get a hold of you and you're not answering them . Then there's the fearful avoidant . So that's the one who kind of juggles between the dismissive and the attachment . So you want love but you're scared of it . So you might start off strong and then you'll pull away and identify as an FA or a fearful avoidant . And that's something I've been working through .
Speaker 1Fearful avoidant Is that how it says something . Let me write that down for you . Fearful avoidant yes , wow .
Speaker 2So when two people play this game , they'll get it . When they answer the short questionnaire game , they'll get an idea of where they may fall on the spectrum . So it's just kind of an introduction to it .
Speaker 1Really so how did you find out where you fell ? I don't let me see . Ain't it secure ? I ?
Speaker 2get a lot of things over real quick .
Speaker 1I think maybe I'm more like pretty secure man , pretty secure , I don't think a lot of us grow into that .
Speaker 2And then there's some people who just they have their secure attachment style . You know , I don't know , I've always been kind of a fearful avoidant , like I would . I would lean more towards the guys I really had to work hard for . But I think it was because I had some dismissiveness within myself because I would get with a guy who had all their stuff together and I did not stay in those relationships .
Speaker 1So you know I need to fix her up , or let me get rid of this guy who's got a full time job and stable life . Just get him out of here .
Speaker 2This is also consciously , by the way . I want to put that out there . This is not conscious , but this is definitely what I was doing . Like , when you really examine this , what the fuck is this girl doing ? This is accurate . How did you so ? How ?
Speaker 1did you get to that though ? Like how did you know ? Like , how did you like ?
Speaker 2it takes a lot of self , like awareness , right To a certain degree it does , but I wasn't self aware for a very long time . So , like I said , I would get with these guys , fix their uppers or whatever the case may be , and eventually I would get tired , right . So eventually I would break up with them . But there was one particular guy who broke up with me and that I don't know what it was . It fucked me up really bad .
Speaker 1It was word like so . So why ? Why do you what ? What would what ? Why that one in particular versus like .
Speaker 2The story behind that one . I poured a lot into this relationship . Um , I poured a lot into the relationship first off , and I think that's more of what it was like a portal out into it , and then , once it was all over , it's like I knew better . And then it was like , okay , I need to self assess for real now , because I don't want to feel this way . Yeah , so that's where all of like the research and dig in and getting certain certifications and becoming more self-aware became Really important to me because , yeah , that shit hurt . Like , is there certain ?
Speaker 1things in these behaviors can , and we don't want you to break each one of them down . That's probably another show . We could just do another show . We probably will do that .
Speaker 1We'll do a show on just attachment theory , because it's very interesting . Stuff like this is very interesting to me . Um , is there , if we can do , like just a quick summary of like something that you may see in each one , like like a characteristic , so that you can See , okay , this person is this way or this person's ? That would not to say that you could sum it up in one sentence Because , like I said , I really do want to do another show on this , but is there something that you can see in a secure person and an insecure person ?
Speaker 2so a secure person is somebody who's self-aware , somebody who can be in a relationship . And , let's say , a secure person you get . You get into an argument with your partner . You're not so easily triggered off of Something your partner may say . You're able to really assess .
Speaker 2Problem and you can talk things out for real , right then ? Then let's say , somebody who is , um , anxiously attached , say you get into an argument with your partner and you're anxiously attached . You might be somebody who your partner might be somebody like myself . Sometimes I have to walk away , like , hey , give me some time , because if I might say the wrong thing and I don't want to say the wrong thing , so I need to revisit this conversation , so I will walk away . If you're somebody who's anxiously attached , you have to have the conversation right now .
Speaker 1Yes , I've dated people like that who do not want to get on their phone without a resolution like Right .
Speaker 2Yeah , somebody who's probably anxiously attached . Or you might be anxiously attached if your partner's having a bad day At work and they come home and maybe they're wearing that energy on them and then you make it in a way , you make it all about you , like you're trying to please your partner . But you're only trying to please your partner because you want them to get out of this bad move so they can attend to you . So you get what I'm saying .
Speaker 1So that might be anxiously attached .
Speaker 2Somebody who's fearfully fearful of warden is kind of like what I mentioned , somebody who , um , it's kind of like a rollercoaster . Like I might start off really strong In a relationship with somebody , let's say , a guy that has his stuff together . I might be excited at first . You know I'm saying I like him at first and you know , then maybe he starts coming in really strong with things I'm not used to because I'm not maybe I'm not used to being treated that well to my childhood and things that went on in my household because I grew up in a real co-dependent Household with a lot of fighting , alcohol . It was an unstable household , so that's kind of what I was used to . So when a guy's kind of , when a guy was stable and was trying to give me things and treat me well , it was just it was so unfamiliar to me I was afraid I was going to mess it up . That's what I'm thinking . It was more on that .
Speaker 1Go ahead and , just like yo , get rid of them all together .
Speaker 2Yeah , but I would let them as boredom right , Like I would okay .
Speaker 1I've heard that before .
Speaker 2Yeah , like he was born and like he didn't stimulate me in the right ways . But now that I'm older and I'm able to look , it was more so of me wanting to fix something , feeling that I had to be Worthy to receive this type of love , and I didn't do anything compared to other things , because that's what I was taught in my household . We don't have to work , flood everything , including right . That's this is a little bit about . And then , oh , dismissive avoidance earths . That might be somebody who was raised . Maybe your parents worked all the time . Maybe you grew up in a crazy household where you were left alone a lot , so you had to self-sude and you had you were alone a lot . So you grow up and you get into these relationships and your inner story may be to the effect of People leave so you don't get attached .
Speaker 1So I see , so you know , you never really formed that attachment because you're so , yeah , they usually don't even form it too much like that .
Speaker 2You know they might have sex , but sex is not looked at as the same to dismissive for sure , yeah , so that's a little bit on those .
Speaker 1Because I would definitely want to talk . We're gonna do a whole show on that like . Like that might be our really like legit Our next show , cuz that's absolutely fascinating to me the different types . And I remember you , j , being at at when I was at your studio where we're doing our thing and you were showing me your phone . This is something I've never forgotten , by the way . Now you're gonna show me , like , your Facebook situation and you're like I don't know if it's Facebook dating or something DJ , you had so many dudes in there , dj .
Speaker 1I was like . I was like this is like a mountain of men . You had dudes coming in that had left , dudes that came back like . I was like yo , this is a lot of guys , so from from a guy standpoint , it's complete . Like yo , there's like a million dudes out here and the kind of guy I am , dj , they all thirstier than me . I'm not a thirsty dude like . So I'm like how do I ? I don't have a shot out here . You kidding me cuz I'm not paying any attention . I'm gonna send one message . I'm gone like . That's it . I'm out of here . I've already forgotten . I sent that message . After I've sent it , I think we talked about this on the show .
Speaker 1Yeah , at least for me personally , part of my dating journey was not putting so much emphasis on the one message , not putting so much emphasis on the one Communication . You know , I mean I kind of do my communication and then move on , boom , I'm out of here and if they hit back , they hit back , they don't , they don't . But when I looked at the mountain of men you've had in your , that's what name of your next podcast should be . You should be mountain , that's that's the name of it . Should be mountain , the mountain of men that DJ had in her , in her , in your messages . Want to know is this how does anyone stick out ? How do you even choose one of those messages ? A bunch of dudes and some guys shirts on , some guys shirts off , some look like business Do , some like regular dudes who just took this photo selfie and it's kind of like , how do you ? How was anybody even sticking out to you ? Dj team like select on them .
Speaker 2So now for me , cuz I know when I was younger , like yo , I would just hit everybody up and then just try to keep up , but then I would good luck with that .
Speaker 1But what I do do now , I really do try . I actually need to get back on .
Speaker 2Anyway , into your message , yeah .
Speaker 1A mountain of messages not being even seen and attended to DJ Yo . Let's just take a pause here for all the people who looking for love out here to the other people that have millions of Messages they're not even responding to . They're not even on there and they still getting those messages to other dudes and women who are trying their hardest . They got 17 messages . That's just a DJ's getting a . She got 70 and she hadn't even looked at them . I feel so bad .
Speaker 2I feel so bad I really want to get on there to promote my stuff . But see , that was it , I'm I ain't , I ain't used , that's why some of a
Effective Messaging Strategies for Online Dating
Speaker 2thing . But Now I try to do , I try to look at the person's profile first . I look at the message like I need something in depth . Not too in depth because I'm not too into the message , because I've had a guy send me like a lot of different . That guy said me their escort services packages .
Speaker 1I need a set . Yo maybe need to put Messages . My boss , you're sending something like yo , brah herd .
Speaker 2I want to know , like , what really has really ?
Speaker 1Prices go with these prices . Looking like like .
Speaker 2I don't know what radius for that as a male .
Speaker 1That's bored out here .
Speaker 2It look like they go on . I'm trying to remember this was a while back . I know like to just spend time , not have sex , just get like girlfriend treatment . I think he was two , three hundred dollars for that , for like a night .
Speaker 1Oh , I am quitting my job . What am I out here fucking working my life away for when I can just show up and get pay a couple hundred bucks for conversation ?
Speaker 2I'll give it a lot of women , they , they looking for that , ali , I guess he found his niche . I don't know . I get these messages about Sad stories to three paragraphs . I don't know another , another one looking for sympathy and money . Like I get these word messages and then I'll get no , hey , what's up , what's up , sexy , somebody might say something about my big lid . Like I don't like those messages . Like you gotta be a .
Speaker 1The physical messages , the messages that are commenting on anything physical You're not a fan of not , not anymore .
Speaker 2I remember the pants , thank you , no , not , no more .
Speaker 1Yeah , a lot of women . I've heard a lot of women say that as a matter . Yeah right .
Speaker 2So not no more , you just gotta come correct , introduce yourself . I'll respond to those messages just introducing yourself . And now I'm more open to . I don't have a , I have a tight , but then I'm more open , like I'll reach out if your message is right and then just see what a conversation .
Speaker 1So what is the right message ? Can we just write it right now ? Can we just write it for these dudes ?
Speaker 2I would . What is a message that ?
Speaker 1get DJ Absolutely the pageant , because that's just part . If a guy writes a good message , dj , that's just getting you to look at them . You didn't even like reached out to them yet . That's just getting over the first of having you even just look at their message .
Speaker 2I might not be the right person , because I the last person I messaged was it was , it was a situation , was a me trying something .
Speaker 1Let me think about another message , because I'm like that one might not be . Is there , if you couldn't write the word specifically Is there a theme of a message that you feel like it's better for for for men I know going for men to women situation Is there a theme message that a guy can write to wear a woman like ? Maybe the theme will be just Is it saying something funny ? Is it mentioning , maybe , something she's wearing ? Is it mentioning a picture that she has ? Is there a theme I can definitely ?
Speaker 2mention in something , um , definitely mentioning something funny , I'm not gonna lie , is something that will attract me as well . Mentioning something funny , um , and then also Even being intentional , like stayed in kind of shortly what your intentions are like , or asking me what you know , what am I doing on the app , like what brings me to facebook , and then just and just the message just got to be somewhat of an Intentional because a lot of these dudes don't they ? Just kind of what you said . I just send out one message and I just see what you know .
Speaker 1Ask the wide net is what we got to do . You know what I mean .
Speaker 2You know , I feel like you come up with a general message that comes off intentional , then um cast that wide net with it .
Speaker 1So I don't know like , so I'm not that , yeah , I'm kind of simple , nothing about it , but there was the left to your point .
Speaker 2This is the when you asked me about a message , one that really caught my eye . So this guy was Polly , my mom . He was Polly .
Speaker 1Polly , a Polly lifestyle , for that's multiple lovers for people .
Speaker 2Polly lifestyle is yeah , he was interesting lifestyle , by the way , very interesting lifestyle very interesting . I've learned that it's not for me . I've tried it a couple times . I've learned ?
Speaker 1it's not for me but yet another show idea that we just have . We've come up with two or three more shows on here .
Speaker 2I'll talk about my experiences and why they weren't . I've had a couple of experiences , but his message was so genuine and so on , like he wanted to make it clear , like , did I read his profile ? He just was really intentional . I think that's my big thing , like being intentional , like in your message , to some degree , to show like hey , I'm really on this app trying to meet Dave , like I need to see that , like that , hey , what's up ? You know , I don't even respond to those because I'll respond and then the dude will be only looking for a pen pal . That's like .
Speaker 2I'm trying to get out in the streets like I'm not looking for no damn pen pal .
Speaker 1Yeah , you and me both . I'm not with that . You know those people that get on these apps and they want a message for like a month , like yo . What do you think I'm gonna waste my time here ? You think I wanted this text ? Well , I can be text pals with you because , basically , what you're doing you know what I mean I'm not texting you , but I'm you doing the same method through an app , whether it's you're doing social media , whether you're doing dating , it's pretty much you're just texting messages on your phone , reaching out to another human being . And when , in dating apps , just like he said , it's a being intentional right , most people are on there for intentional reasons , like there .
Speaker 1There are some people out there playing games , but there's people who aren't , and I think that it's good to identify which one of those people that you are like . Are you a person that's playing games or your person ?
Speaker 2This is other apps for that , like , get on a big old , like you can be friends with people . Okay , I don't play with this . Don't play with your mom , like , don't play with me about no , go , finish that statement .
Speaker 1No , I'll just say don't play with me . That's all they . Uh , what about any negative , or is there ? So we just talked about the positive . Make be able to jump out something that jumps out to you where you like , yo , all right , but I can at least , uh , engage this person in conversation . What is now ? Let's go to the opposite end of the spectrum . What do you look at you like ? Instantly like , oh hell , no , like , like , no , not a chance . This person's getting a message . No , is it looks ? Is it physical ?
Speaker 2Keep it above DJ .
Speaker 1DJ In there and be like hell . No , you see this .
Speaker 2What else ? Sometimes it's physical , and then there's um . I'm trying to think about if I got a message now . Girls another time a guy sent me like a two-page letter about his life and how he was struggling , how he just wanted a girl to be there for him . I'm like , damn , I need to check my .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah , I don't know , I need to change the pictures on my profile with some I would have . What the hell am I trying to Because that ? That was a hell ? No , for me , um , what else ? Uh , the , the , um , the other story I gave you about the the escort , that wasn't the hell , no , that was . That was an entertaining conversation for two days until I finally just left him already Because he was yo so did he give you his prices up front ?
Speaker 1I'm really . The escort situation is really interesting . Hey look I might need a new line of work , I mean he didn't give him to me a friend .
Speaker 2I wish I could find his messages . Just uh , it wasn't a front , it was just more so him letting me know . You know he was , and he didn't even use the word escort , he used .
Speaker 1I'll have . That's too strong . He probably didn't want to come on very strong like let me ease it in there .
Speaker 2We made it clear , like you know , I'm , you know I'm just out here basically what he said . But he basically just made it clear , like you know , I'm just out here , you know , making sure that women are good , but it was in this , it was in his own way of putting in and just made him know like it's gonna cost you money .
Speaker 1Yo , so did you like it ? So you did you pull that from his comments , because I I need the sheet right in the menu , bro , I need you to pull . I asked him .
Speaker 2I was like so how much ? That's what I got , the two to 300 . So how much do you charge like for certain stuff ? You know , because I have to talk to him a little bit , but I'm gonna find those messages and I'm gonna , I'm gonna screenshot him and I'm gonna send him to you .
Speaker 1Yeah , man because I wanted to . That's that's an interesting conversation to have , because I you know what's funny is . So I've talked to a lot of guys who , um , and luckily I've avoided this dj , I've avoided this like but but duty shop . I believe him because he showed me . So he had a list and he was like man . Every time I started to get close to women on these apps , they end up asking me for money at some point . They end up asking me sending me their list , sending me their menu and stuff like that . And I'm like how has this never happened to me ? And how has it happened so much to this other person ? Because he did have a , he had a , his block list , because he's like yo , I'll block him every time . And he was scrolling up his block list . He could scroll a few different times up his block list . So I was like yo , what is he doing where he's getting so many women ? That's like asking him these lines of questions and I just never had gotten this before .
Speaker 2Okay , so
Dating Preferences and Deal Breakers
Speaker 2me . We've done a few podcasts together and you've always seemed like you were intentional , right With who you chose , who you date . You always came off intentional . I had another dude come on my podcast maybe about a month or two after you and he was having the same issues here in Atlanta is just different Every time I go out on a date with a girl she ends up asking for money . Or I took a girl out on a date and once I house and there was no food in her refrigerator so I bought a groceries and then I just never spoke to him again . But then he turned around and he said well , if you act like the fun girl , I'm gonna treat you like the fun girl . So that means you entertaining her . So if you entertaining her and you know she's a fun girl , of course she's gonna tell her , she's gonna ask you for something . And it sounds like he knew from John yeah , she come off like she's a fun girl , but I'm gonna have fun with her . What you expect .
Speaker 1I guess . So I know it's interesting because now it's gonna maybe kind of have to revisit . I should go back my bro , because I did tell him this like , since you're the only common denominator , it's something , it's some energy that's being given off , bro , like something , I'm not sure what it is , but you're giving off some energy that's attracted , this energy back to you .
Speaker 2These dudes be . These dudes be entertaining and they'll entertain just to see how far they can go until maybe the girl asked for something , or they'll just see how far they can take it and then she'll she'll pop up and ask for something . But I feel like if you're intentional about dating and about how you're putting yourself out there while you're dating , what you your , your dating life will reflect back to you what you're putting out there .
Speaker 2So if you're only if you're only if you're , only if you're only if you're entertaining a fun girl because she's fun and you're trying to have fun .
Speaker 1I want to do . You know what I mean . Listen , we'll entertain some stuff .
Speaker 2Yeah , because you got one of something real serious too , but he took in everything that came his way , including those girls . So you won't run into . That's just my perspective , my opinion you entertaining these people and you getting , you making them comfortable enough to ask for word right , especially here in the A .
Speaker 1there's no shortage , I'll tell you that right now , there's no shortage of human beings in the A who's willing to get that check , that money up off of you , like there's , there's zero .
Speaker 1If you're a band Atlanta , you're gonna know exactly what I'm talking about and you know .
Speaker 1So one of the last things I want to talk about here on this show is how do you and I think we've talked about this before , and that's kind of like the , the preferences versus the deal breakers yet another show that we could just do a whole show on which we might . We've come up with like four shows , this show , so we've come up with our next , like three to four shows with the preview , and then we're actually deep dive on these , because this is what I've talked about with several different people and I'm always interested to hear what one is versus the others , because you know what ends up happening is like , well , I might have a laundry list of deal breakers and , and as I talked to a lot of women , one of the things I've discovered and maybe this is the same we would mend to is that that list gets shorter as you get older , like so , when you're younger , that list starts off a mile long . As you get it started to get older , you start to scratch some things off the list . Like , well , I'll take this maybe .
Speaker 1maybe at the beginning , like I don't want to man with no kids , then I'll take one who doesn't live with him , I'll take one that does live with him , but as a teenager I'll take a toddler , I'll take anything like . So it kind of goes down with time , with with time . Now , what do you ? Is that something that you see and something that you're kind of familiar with , kind of having what is a strong preference versus what is an absolute deal
Setting Boundaries and Evolving Preferences
Speaker 1right here ?
Speaker 2I know a lot of my friends I never had and that was a . Let me tell you that was a part of my problem back in the day , like I didn't have too many boundaries . I don't think I want to see this is the type I want , the fine ass dude . I didn't care what he had going on , kind of like when I was young .
Speaker 1That's a guy's perspective . You're talking about how guys do . That's the cool stuff you do .
Speaker 2That's the cool stuff that I had there . You know , I'm saying like I didn't really have that . I didn't care what he was , what he had going on , like I said , I was a fixer-upper , like let me help you , I always had my stuff together and it was just kind of like you know , I can help you , you , you know so unfortunately , I had to help you .
Speaker 1You're housing these dudes . Man , put these dudes in the house put them up you .
Speaker 2They say , yeah , I'll take .
Speaker 1I'll take care of . I got you . I'm settled on my financials , you know I'm like what are you looking for ?
Speaker 2I'm gonna help you you know , but I had to really get out to the point where I'm gonna help you . I wasn't that I wasn't that bad where I was putting them up in housing stuff , but I was the type who , okay , you say you want to do this , let me help you do this . And if I had to , whatever I had to do to help , I would help . But it'd be me pouring , pouring , pouring , pouring in to build this person up and I wasn't getting anything in return . So I didn't have a lot of boundaries . Which means I didn't have a lot of boundaries . It means I didn't really have a lot of preferences versus what is non-negotiable Deal breakers .
Speaker 1Because a lot of times people , that's what people tend to have yeah now in me .
Speaker 2My list is still short . Like I said , I didn't really have one before . Now I'm on the show . Now it's like okay , you have to respect my boundaries . You give me any type of red flag . You don't respect my boundaries .
Speaker 1You have to draw .
Speaker 2I don't give you down . How fine it is .
Speaker 1So that's one of them , right ?
Speaker 2That's just sounds like a deal like three , right , so that's just having just boundaries .
Speaker 2Mine is just having boundaries now , like because I didn't have any before , because I didn't know where I began and where another person ended . So another person never ended and always needed , needed , needed , needed , needed . I would just give , give , give , because I didn't know where I ended or where I began . So now it's now . It's understanding my boundaries , understanding and , I guess , something within my boundaries . I don't mind somebody who have kids , I don't think I don't mind somebody who have kids , as long as you're taking care of your kids and you ain't dealing with the BM , I think you're dealing with Right .
Speaker 1Right . Is that that's like having them any issues , Because I've never really had to deal with that . What like if I date a woman with them ? I haven't really had to deal with like any baby father drama , Like they may have it , but it never kind of spilled over , you know what I mean .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's all I would want , because I know for me that's . I gave every man that that I dated . Because I have an 11 year old . I deal with big drama between me and him but it never spilled over , like the guy would never know . You know I'm trying to think and then preferences back in the day he had to be six to six over six , six pack .
Speaker 2Yeah , absolutely , that was good to my own stuff , why he had to be so tall now you know , here last guy talked to you and very close to my height , so you know I've grown .
Speaker 1So you've , you've , you've , you've dropped down . So what was that like dropping down like an inch every , every , every year ? So how long did it take you down ? To from where you started .
Speaker 2No , it was drag . Well , I'm about six years . Like I said once , I really started with like I don't , six , seven years , because for the longest he had to be tall . I don't want him to be tall . Now it's like he ain't got to be that tall , but that took a while for me to get over that .
Speaker 1So that was why I think that is because that's a physical preference , you that think that you just that's just your physical preference , just kind of changing yourself .
Speaker 2I think I just was following the trend because I'm really not , I don't really care about the height . Well , he can't be four foot two .
Speaker 1Now you know , I'm saying , oh wow , wow , two dudes like you know just as soon as you got put in , you just been put back out for all you guys who felt like yo now we got a shot , now you can put back outside by DJ .
Speaker 2No , five to six and over , is you know ? That's good , that's generous .
Speaker 1That's generous from what a lot of women are , because I wouldn't listen . They don't five foot , nothing , and it's over with me . It's over with like we're nine guys over with , we're not getting nothing .
Speaker 2That's crazy . No , five foot six and over is five . I got over the stupid stigma of a guy got to be a certain height . A guy got to be this , a guy got to be that . Um , I don't see , I wouldn't be . I'm not the best in this year because I'm still . I'm still learning my preferences , my background Are we all .
Speaker 1I don't know if it ever . Is it ever done , DJ ? I don't think it is . I don't think it is . I don't think that you ever really stop , because you don't stop evolving as a person . I mean , if you're living life correctly , there's going to be constant evolution , things that you learn from each previous year to where you take it into the next year like , okay , yo , a little bit more wise , and I feel like some of those preferences kind of change with that right which is growing as a human being .
Speaker 2Absolutely . So I say , yeah , I don't have , I never had , I didn't have any before and now I only have a few . I probably can list a whole bunch of things that I know I won't stand for . But as far as like preferences and and then deal breakers , you know the person got to respect my mind . You know I've been in relationships where guys will try to dumb me down , dim my light , like things like that .
Speaker 1So what would they do ? Like when you say dim you're like or dumb you down , like , where is that ? Like talking to you and condescending fashions .
Speaker 2Is that what ? Yeah , condescending fashions , or that's basically talking to me and condescending fashion . I ain't never had nobody like insult me , like directly . Like you know , somebody can insult you directly like oh you yo , that's like super toxic , though , right . Like if , do like if you go into the crib .
Speaker 1You being insulted at your house by by your sister . That sucks , that sucks .
Speaker 2My first relationship , none of my personal . My second one I wasn't a physically abusive one , so after that yeah , I was . I wasn't that , and I'm gonna take that back down to was verbally abusive as well . So I did deal with that and after that relationship , okay , well , that's something I'm not gonna tolerate anymore , but that was a very good relationship . I was a teenager .
Speaker 1So you got out the way pretty quick .
Speaker 2I got that one out of the way pretty quick . I hate that I went through that , but I'm one of those people , unfortunately .
Speaker 1I'm very hard at it , so especially have to go through a few things before you really have to to figure out some stuff . And you know what's crazy is . As I've looked at the notes you know I've taken notes this entire show Let me see I see one , two .
Speaker 1Okay , let's say three . All right , I see three more shows here . More shows . It's just from this one conversation that we've had . It was one half an hour conversation . There's gonna be a few more shows , just based on what we've talked about here . Tell the people where they can find you at DJ .
Speaker 2So you can find me on all social media platforms . At playing the number four keeps app . You will see my podcast clips there , you can get access to see my video podcast and my audio podcast , and you have access to the data and app as well . So check us out .
Speaker 1Amazing , amazing . This is Reggie Chil . Check us out , stay at your heart . Radio , google podcast , apple podcast , spotify , wherever you find your podcast . See you next time .