Journey to Intentional Living Beyond Perfectionism with Dawn Calvinisti

Have you ever felt like your quest for perfection, your eagerness to please, or your habit of putting things off was a double-edged sword? Dawn Calvinisti, a seasoned business coach, joins me, Mindy Duff, to dissect these complex traits and offer a beacon of hope for those seeking to transform their relationship with these often challenging behaviors.

Navigate the tightrope of people-pleasing with us as we reveal its paradoxical effects on authenticity and career advancement, and redefine procrastination as a protective mechanism rather than a villain in the narrative of productivity. Dawn’s expertise shines as she provides rich anecdotes and strategies for aligning personal goals with intrinsic values, ultimately advocating for a lifestyle imbued with intention and joy. Our conversation is an exploration into the heart of what it means to strive for excellence without losing oneself in the process.

We wrap up with Dawn sharing her wisdom on goal setting with clarity, the transformative power of self-reflection, and the importance of embracing our individual quirks with love. This episode promises to equip you with the tools you need to step confidently into a more intentional, stress-reduced existence. So join us, challenge your preconceptions, and let's journey together toward embracing our greatness within.

To learn more about Dawn visit: https://www.pursueprogress.com/

To learn more about Mindy CLICK HERE

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hey friends, this is your host, mindy Duff, and you're listening to Uplevel your Life with Mindy, your number one personal growth podcast that will bring you closer to uncovering your greatest self. As a certified holistic health and nutrition coach, I created this podcast for anyone who desires to improve physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'll be interviewing experts and sharing tips and tricks that have helped not only my clients, but that have guided me on my own transformational journey. I believe that we all have a greatness that lies within. We just need to uncover it. Are you ready to level up? Let's begin. Hi everyone and welcome back to Uplevel your Life with Mindy. I'm your host, mindy Duff, and I have a guest with me.

Speaker 1: 1:04

Today. I'm going to be chatting with Dawn Calvinisty and we're going to talk about a lot of things. I'm going to tell you that Dawn is a business coach. She works primarily with women to improve their businesses. If you are not a woman or you are not a business owner, this still is going to be relevant for you. I would like to put a little disclaimer on there because, yes, maybe that's what she specializes in, but we're going to talk about things that are going to be affecting all humans. Dawn, thank you so much for being here today.

Speaker 2: 1:35

Thanks for having me, mindy. I'm really excited to talk about what we're talking about and you're right, it is for everybody. But yeah, it's not. The area I specialize in definitely is women and business. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:46

I'll just take a second here and tell a little bit more about you and my words here, and then I'll let you tell a little about you and your words. Coming from a background of natural health, dawn Calvinisty has owned multiple businesses as a doula, a childbirth educator, a homeopath and eventually, an essential oil-based network marketing business. Dawn spent seven years building this business to multiple six figures and reached the top 3% of leaders in just under three years. She loves to coach ambitious women who are looking to reach the next level, whether that's in their business or their personal lives. As a recovering people pleaser, perfectionist and procrastinator herself, dawn launched her podcast Imperfection in Progress to create community and actionable steps for women who want to move away from these three P's and find more joy and less stress in life. She is living her best life in Guatemala with her husband, three kids and three Chihuahuas. And Dawn, we're going to talk about that. People pleasing perfectionist and procrastination today, aren't we? Yeah, we really are.

Speaker 2: 2:48

I find it so broad spread when it comes to anybody, but particularly if you're running a business or just depending on your upbringing, where it comes from. But most of us have at least one of these three that we work with, or, most of the time, two or three of them.

Speaker 1: 3:05

Yes, absolutely. So I'm just curious, Dawn, if you can tell a little bit more about you and maybe kind of what led you to doing what you're doing today.

Speaker 2: 3:14

Yeah, so, as you said, I'm a business coach, primarily for women.

Speaker 2: 3:18

I love to work with female entrepreneurs who are really looking to get unstuck and are maybe struggling with things like procrastination, especially almost as a symptom that indicates that there may be people pleasing or perfectionism kicking in there.

Speaker 2: 3:34

And really my women tend to be high achievers, because that's where I come from and all of us, I think, end up coaching or supporting people who have struggled with the same things that we've struggled with and we've just a little bit ahead of them and we found ways to break through in those areas.

Speaker 2: 3:50

And that's really my journey, from always really being an entrepreneur since I was about 16 until I created my network marketing business and moved really quickly ahead in it and found that I had to learn how to be a really good leader, with very little learning or anybody telling me how to lead, and suddenly realizing, oh my goodness, all this stuff that I just went through, my entire downline of women are struggling with and I don't know how to tell them how to do it better, and so that really became the beginning of me learning and diving deeply into self-improvement, what it looks like to get unstuck, what is it?

Speaker 2: 4:29

People please, or why does perfectionism kick in and why do I want to procrastinate and slow down and put the brakes on every time I think I'm doing well? So that's kind of where I came from and why I do what I do, and I love watching women have those same aha moments where I felt like, wow, okay, if I just get ahold of this, this is going to totally open my world to something I didn't even realize I could accomplish.

Speaker 1: 4:51

Yeah, yeah, oh, that's great. And I'm sitting here listening, going yes, tell me how, Tell me, tell me how, don, why do I sabotage myself? Basically, why do I procrastinate when I know I need to do it? So let's talk about some of those things, because I know you like to call them the three P's perfectionism, people, pleasing and procrastination and I think it's interesting that you mentioned how they benefit us as well as can be a detriment, because I think, when we think about well, all of them, you know procrastination that's not good, we shouldn't procrastinate, but maybe it is helping you somehow. And same with people pleasing and perfectionism. So I would like to hear let's break them down and hear in your explanation how these can each be a benefit, but then how is it also detrimental to us? So let's just start with perfectionism how can it help you?

Speaker 2: 5:43

Yeah. So first I'm going to just say that really perfectionism is at the root of all three of these. So when I say perfectionism, I'm kind of putting as the high achiever, like the really motivated person who likes to have their own drive and their own ambition and they can get things done. And so that's kind of part of the good part right, that we are able to kind of kick ourselves in the butt and say I need to get this stuff done today and I have this schedule, or I have this goal and we do it. And that's awesome when you're a perfectionist and we do it well. We want to put things out there that are really well, tastefully done, well honed, We've done the research, it looks pretty, it comes across as that we really know what we're talking about.

Speaker 2: 6:25

But the underside of perfectionism is that it can be broken down into three areas. So either we have this need to be as close to perfect as possible for ourselves, which is a moving target, which is why perfectionism is so detrimental, because every time we reach that thing, there's always that next well, I could do it like this, or I should do it better, or that's not as good, or somebody else out there they are doing it like that. So I now need to change and do it even better. So that's the one area. The secondary we have perfectionism in. It can be for other people. So what are others thinking? How are others judging me by what I'm doing? So I need to raise the bar, or I perceive that others might think that's about me, or my family thinks this, or whatever. So then again we have to raise that bar and do it a different way, or change things, or do it better, or change completely, because it's not the right thing to be doing, because what will others think? And then the third area is if we put perfectionism on others, so where we nitpick ourselves, we also look at everybody else and think, well, that's not the right way to do it, or they should do it like this. I could do that better. That's going to take too long. I don't really want my team to do that, because I can put it out quicker in a better way and in something that looks better, seems better, feels better to me and therefore you will never do it the way I do it. So that's kind of the perfectionist part of it.

Speaker 2: 7:51

But having said that, to go a little deeper into the good side, because I think whenever we do hear these three, often the idea is, oh well, I have to stop being that, I don't want to be that, I need to move away from that. But the reality is you probably would never have gotten to where you are without being those things and being a perfectionist. Especially, you probably have that real need to do it so well that it's very hard for you to ever sit back and just like, ah, you know what, somebody else to do it, or someone else can take care of it, or I don't need to do it for two months, probably most of the time, until it gets overwhelming. Probably most of the time, you really do a great job at doing the very best and getting the stuff done, taking that action, and I think for a lot of coaches out there, one of the problems when you're working with people is they don't want to take action.

Speaker 2: 8:47

So when you have a perfectionist, it's a really nice thing that you have this person who is like, yeah, just tell me what to do and I've got it done for you. I'll have it done like two days ago, and I think that's the part of perfectionism that we should be hanging onto. We should be proud of the fact that we have that mindset of I don't need somebody to constantly be prompting me, I actually can take action, I can do it. Well, I'm excited to do the research, I'm excited to make it better, and when I put something out, I will look at it and decide hmm yeah, you know what I could tweak this? I could tweak that I'm going to make this even better than it is now. So I think those are great parts of being a perfectionist.

Speaker 1: 9:24

Yeah, that's, you're right, that is, I mean perfectionists, when you, when you do it, you do a nice job and stuff does get done. I'm thinking of some friends that I have that like, yes, well, they, I know they consider themselves perfectionists, but I look at them as like, no, I know you're going to do a great job because you're going to be thorough and it's going to, you know, get done and it's just going to be good. Um, I'm just kind of this kind of came up. I was trying to decide if I think I'm a perfectionist or not, because I think I've always had, in the past, thought that no, I'm absolutely not, because I just have. There are so many areas of my life that just I don't care, that I don't care. But you know, like I have a messy house, whatever there's dishes by the sink, things like that, um, but you can be perfectionist in certain areas and not in certain areas.

Speaker 2: 10:12

Don't you think yeah, yeah, absolutely. You're right. Um, it's more the mindset behind things, right, yeah? And most perfectionists that I've worked with um you know even friends and family that I know that tend to lean that way you'll find that in certain areas of the lives it comes out really strongly and then in other areas they are able to lay back and be like, ah, that's okay. But most of the time if you ask them about those things like if I were to say to you, mindy, so when those dishes are sitting by the sink, does it niggle at you? Is there ever a point in time where you're like, oh I, if I could just get a grasp of that, yeah.

Speaker 1: 10:48

Like every time I walk by.

Speaker 2: 10:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's the difference, right. So there's people who there's dishes by the sink, so what? Right. But a perfectionist never really has that fully. I can let go and not care at all. And I think that's where we start getting into the areas where, when I'm working with women and saying, okay, so what are the things that are leading to the procrastination, or to the people placing, or to the like feeling of overwhelm or anxiety, like all of those things, it tends to be because I have a standard, I've set a bar, and it's not happening in some area, all areas, one area to the degree that I think it should be.

Speaker 2: 11:32

And the reality is that bar for you may not be that same bar for anybody else. Like, even in the entire world, it could be totally a different bar, and if you were talking to somebody else, you would never hold that person to that same standard. So if you're talking to your best friend and she said, oh man, I am so tired of dishes by the sink, it's driving me crazy, I feel like I just can't keep it tidy house and like why can't I do something better to make that just something that doesn't happen in our home, I don't know what to do. I can't seem to delegate it. I don't have time to do it.

Speaker 2: 12:02

Life gets overwhelming and that's just time of day. This starts to pile up and I get really frantic. You'd be like whoa, whoa, whoa, it's dishes, like it's dishes. Are you parenting okay? Are you handling your responsibilities that are actually important, okay? And yeah, they're doing great in all those areas. So right away, we would be like it's not a big deal. So how can we change your thought process around those dishes, right? So that's the difference, when we're starting to ask ourselves am I a perfectionist or am I not? Can you let go?

Speaker 1: 12:34

Yeah, that's interesting that you say that, because so I just got done co-directing a children's musical and it was a wonderful experience, but it took a lot of time. I mean, there's a lot of rehearsals and we're in the theater lots and lots and lots. And I was at the other director's house. I mean we just just days ago we finished this. I was at her house right immediately after the show and she, of course, as soon as I come in, apologizes for the mess, which in my head I really didn't think it was that messy. But you know she's sorry for the mess. And then I like, well, you know you've been gone, like we've been at the theater like constantly. Like you, you don't have time to do all this little stuff. Plus, it's not that bad.

Speaker 1: 13:13

And then I go to my own house and the first thought in my head was, oh my gosh, this place is such a mess, but it's. It was literally the same situation. You know what I mean, like why you're right, why could I have so much grace and compassion for her? Maybe because I felt like her house wasn't as messy as mine. But but then for myself, when I literally just told her like yeah, you've been gone, but I can't tell myself that right. So you're right, it's easier to say things to other people than it is to say them to, to internalize them for our own self. So we're kind of touching on this, but I want to, I want to hear it a little bit more in your words, like how can being a perfectionist be a detriment?

Speaker 2: 13:53

Some of the things that really come up when it comes to perfectionism is the self worth right. That's probably the deepest one, because of the fact that we're constantly judging right. We may only judge ourselves, again, depending what type of a of a perfectionist you are, or you may judge everybody else by your standard as well, but when you start doing that, you're creating the feeling of not enoughness. You know, I don't do it good enough. I, I didn't have my house as clean as that other woman that I went and saw, whatever it is, but there's always that comparison happening. And then that leads to us starting to, you know, create those negative self talk and telling ourselves you know that we're not capable, or we're not good enough or we'll never be able to, or you know we, we just don't measure up.

Speaker 2: 14:39

And I think, as soon as perfectionism is something that becomes what we, what we look towards in order to say, yeah, I did good enough or not, which, again, like I said, it's a sliding bar. So how are you ever going to be good enough? Then, right away, we're dealing with something that's bigger and it's really insidious because it's going to eventually undermine everything you're doing. So, no matter how fantastic you are I mean I, I know, you know million dollar earners who this is still the mentality under there, and it's so hard for them to enjoy the life that they've now created because it's just not good enough. It's not where they thought they'd be. They thought they'd be further by now. It doesn't look like somebody else's journey. Whatever. It doesn't seem to matter what you're trying to do or what you do achieve. Everything will ever be good enough and you cannot relax and enjoy it.

Speaker 1: 15:33

Yeah, and that's that's no way to live. I mean, that's, you know, like you said you'll, it's never going to be good enough. So, yeah, well, I want to ask you, like, how do we stop? But we'll come back to that in a minute, because I want to touch on these other two P's first. So let's move on to people pleasing then, and let's talk about the positives of people pleasing, which you know. People pleasing is a common topic here on this podcast. If you're a regular listener, you know this. But we I don't think we've ever talked about how it could be a benefit to you, other than people think you're nice.

Speaker 2: 16:10

Yeah, and you know what? It's funny, because that is the main thing about people pleasers Like everybody likes them. I mean, they do whatever they can to make us happy. They go out of their way to meet all our needs. They're already thinking ahead before we even know what we want. The people pleaser has it for us, right? So what an awesome friend acquaintance to have in a people pleaser.

Speaker 2: 16:33

And I think the reality is in most jobs people pleasers are. They move ahead, they move pretty quickly, they work well with a team, they're great at mediating, they're helpful in coming up with creative solutions so that everybody moves ahead and everybody benefits. So most of the time, a people pleaser is an asset, right? Whether it's in the workforce, whether it's in a group of friends, whether you're just putting something together like a play, like you're talking about, those people pleasers make all of the motions just move more smoothly, and so I think people pleasing can be such a lovely part of a person's personality. Having said that, I'm going to go to the flip side, because it sounds like wow, like if they do everything and they get ahead and it's you know, it's beneficial to them, then why not be a people pleaser? But the reality is. In order to do all of that, and if it's truly people pleasing, it also means removing your own ideas, thoughts, opinions, values, even sometimes and deferring to whoever else is out there, which means that you really don't allow your own voice to be heard or your own opinion to be heard, and much of the time, especially when this has been going on for a long time, it often starts off in childhood, because that's a role that we needed to play within our family or with our, you know, close people around us, and so we start to lose who we actually are and wear a mask pretty much all of the time in order to be the right person for the people that are around us in the moment.

Speaker 2: 18:09

And the problem with that is, as we mature into adulthood, rather than maturing with our own set of values or set of beliefs, or sets of opinions or own ideas of how to do things, what we want, what goals we'd like to achieve, what we want our life to look like, and if we, you know, marry or, you know, have a partner, we tend to defer to them as well. Eventually there becomes an issue with who am I authentically Like? Who am I actually? Because there's just something in the core of me that doesn't feel good, like I can't fully express it, because I don't know who I am and at the same time I just know I don't feel like I'm in control of my life, and so most of the time I'll see women who, as their you know kind of kids, are getting a little bit older, suddenly realizing like I've never done any of the things I thought I was going to do when I was younger.

Speaker 2: 19:04

I don't have any dreams anymore. I don't even know what I want. I actually don't know if I like the things I'm doing, because I've never questioned whether I like what I'm doing, and it's a huge ball of yarn to unravel and to go back and start to ask like who am I? What do I think about these things? Do I actually like pizza or do I prefer to have a salad? Like I have no clue really at the core of me what I have been doing for me and what I've been doing, just because the people around me do it. And so that's the hardest part and people please, it is just unraveling and finding who you are underneath that mask.

Speaker 1: 19:40

Yeah, yeah, amen to all of that Everything you just said. So let's move on to procrastination, then, and how it can help you and how it can hurt you. And I know that as I was looking at these perfectionism people pleasing like, okay, if I try, I can find like some positives, but procrastination I'm going to, I'm going to save it. So I want to see, if you say it or not, I can only come up with like one teeny tiny reason that procrastination might be good, and I am a I'm a deadline driven person, don. I like to put things off and then finish them in a panic. So how is procrastination actually helpful?

Speaker 2: 20:23

Yeah, so this is the one that people are like, but there's nothing good about procrastination, and that's not actually true. The reality is there's a few things that procrastinate, that procrastination gives us, and you have to remember, in all of these right, the bottom line is our mind is just trying to keep us safe. Right, our brain tries to keep us safe. So the reason that you operate in them is because it is perceived as the safer option, and procrastination also is being perceived as the safer option. So the reality is, when you procrastinate, you're not just procrastinating because I don't feel like doing it. There's something underneath, and even the fact that we say like, oh, I don't feel like doing it or I don't like doing it, it's a feeling. It's a gut feeling, that we are deciding to delay or maybe totally avoid whatever that situation is. And sometimes that's actually a good thing, because many times, especially in the society we live in, it's very fast paced. We tend to live on a hamster wheel. We do the same things over and over. We eat almost the exact same 12 foods all the time. Our days, you know, every Monday looks almost exactly the same. Every Wednesday looks almost exactly the same. There's very little deviation in most people's lives, other than for an event here and there. So when it comes to procrastination, if you just stay on that hamster wheel and you never actually stop and take a moment and say, hmm, you know, this doesn't feel great, or I don't want to move forward with this anymore, or you know, this doesn't really sit well and I keep avoiding it, if you can take that moment and say, okay, but what's the reasoning? So sometimes what procrastination is actually saying to you is, ah, it's time to move off this path, it's time for a detour. And you continuously procrastinate, not because you just don't like it, but because it's actually not aligned with who you are and who you've become at this moment. And so let's actually sit in that for a little bit and figure out do I just not want to do the task? I'm avoiding it, I don't like the idea of it. Or am I done? Have I grown? Have I moved into a different area and stage of my life, and so I need to look at what that's going to look like now.

Speaker 2: 22:31

And I think for a lot of people we actually don't take time to ask the why of procrastination. We just think we don't like it, or I've never really liked it or whatever. But if you've been in the same job for 20 years and you keep procrastinating, or you keep putting the exact same things off, is it really that you don't like it? Is it that you need to learn to lead? You need to delegate, and that's an area that you have never grown in, and so by procrastinating, it's actually showing you this area is not one of your strengths. So stop doing it, let's put it out to somebody else.

Speaker 2: 23:06

And then the other thing that can happen is, when we procrastinate, sometimes it's actually a deep gut check, I call it where it's asking you OK, do you have something in this area that makes you so uncomfortable that it's actually the next thing you need to be doing?

Speaker 2: 23:26

So sometimes when we're procrastinating, it's that thing that, oh, it's the difficult part. So when we push through, I actually would move to the next level, but I procrastinate every single time here. And this is when I often see with women in business, because they've gotten to the next level and they're doing great, and then all of a sudden they're not loving it anymore and you see them starting putting tasks off and well, you know, I'll get around to it next week, or yeah, yeah, I know I have to write that sequence or whatever it is and the question is OK, but what's going to happen when that happens? What are you avoiding? Are you afraid of moving forward? Are you afraid of the next level, are you? What is the thing? So often, procrastination is actually an indicator of it's time to move off the path or there's a new level, and what is it that would take from us in order to push into that level? So that's kind of the benefits actually of procrastinating.

Speaker 1: 24:20

Yeah, that's interesting that you say that. So I have shared this several times on this podcast before, so I'll just kind of condense it. But what you're just talking about at the end there, about you know, maybe hitting a new level and then shrinking back. So I had a coach with me. Share this analogy of you know, if you can imagine a rubber band over either finger and then you know the one is your set point and you're kind of moving further and further away from your comfort zone, then you're going to start to want to creep back to that comfort zone, back to that set point, and that's going to cause you to procrastinate and not do those things that would allow you to level up and have a new set point. Essentially. So that's one thing. The other thing I just I have to share this because this was the tiny thing that I said, that only one tiny thing I could think of, and it's not even my thought.

Speaker 1: 25:07

I have this quote and I'm sitting at my desk and I have one of those picture frames. You know where you can upload pictures, but mine I've uploaded all like motivational quotes so that throughout the day, whenever I glance at my scrolly picture thing, it's got different quotes and this is on there, and it was so funny because right as you started talking about it it slid through. So I feel like I meant to share this one. So it's an Abraham Hicks quote and they say procrastination is the wisdom not to force anything you're not vibrationally ready for. And that's essentially.

Speaker 1: 25:40

You know what you're saying. If you're not aligned with it, you're not vibrationally lined up with it. That's why you don't want to do it. So you have two choices. One is to recognize this isn't for me, this isn't an alignment with me, or to get yourself in alignment. If you're like, no, I have to do this, this is a, you know, I have to pay my bills or whatever it is, then you need to figure out a way to get yourself in alignment so that you don't procrastinate. So I thought that was interesting. That popped up like right when you were like explaining it. I was like oh, someone out there in the universe agrees with you. I love it. I love it so quickly. Procrastination, how can it hurt you? I think we all know this, we all have experienced it. But explain it in your words.

Speaker 2: 26:21

Yeah, I think I mean bottom line is, when we procrastinate, we do avoid moving into a space, most often, that we do need to grow in, or a space that is uncomfortable, or a space that we do need to make a change and that also is uncomfortable, right? So even for the good reasons, it's uncomfortable and no matter what, it goes back to the brain, keeping us safe, right. So when we feel the need to procrastinate, the one thing I always say to everybody that tells me, oh yeah, I'm a procrastinator is why and for some of us and I just want to touch on this briefly procrastination when we do it in order to put ourselves into a deadline right, like you were saying, you like to work like in the last minute that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes that just works well as our personality and we know that, and I don't really call that procrastination. I kind of say like it's like setting ourselves a tight timeline and if we know that we're that type and we're going to get it done, then to me that's not really procrastination. But when it's procrastination because we know that we don't want to go there, and it doesn't matter for what the purpose is, but we don't want to go there. That's when the digging has to happen. And often I think again, because of this whole hamster wheel of just doing things as they come at us and we just continue, continue, most of the time we don't look at it very deeply, we just, yeah, I just don't like to do that, or yeah, I know I have to.

Speaker 2: 27:46

But procrastination, when we continue to put it off, of course just leads to more stagnation, or we start to move backwards, or we find that things aren't going that we want to. I mean, the worst case scenario is we can lose jobs, we can lose friends, and so we really do have to look at what's the purpose and reasoning. And the one thing I do like is, if you know that there's two or three areas you procrastinate and one could be in business, one could be at home and one could be with your health or whatever it is if you actually look at all of the areas of procrastination, you'll probably find a very similar feeling, like gut feeling, and it'll probably reside in the same area of your body. And so I link that, because our feelings do tend to harbor somewhere in our body. Either we feel it in our stomach or our shoulders or our ears or whatever it is, then we can start catching it early.

Speaker 2: 28:36

So if you know that your stomach just starts to go into knots the moment you think that you have to do this task, the moment you feel that it's really easy to take a few minutes and breathe and actually take some time to visualize, what would it look like on the other side of that task.

Speaker 2: 28:53

How's it going to feel when that task is accomplished? And if the task seems so overwhelming especially for my perfectionist if the task seems so overwhelming that that's why you're procrastinating, then what's the very smallest thing you could possibly do in that task right at this moment and how would that feel when you're on the other side of it? So I think a lot of the time when procrastination comes up, we just avoid, whereas if we would just actually take it and say, okay, yeah, I feel it, it's there, this is where it's sitting, I'm going to close my eyes, I'm going to breathe it, I'm going to think about how it's feeling. I'm going to feel that discomfort and then I'm going to think about what it would feel like if it was gone because I was done. That's a pretty good motivator to be like okay, let's get it done and let go of the feeling.

Speaker 1: 29:36

Yeah, that's a great strategy to try. As you're talking, I'm thinking about workouts. That's a pretty common, especially as we're recording this. This is still pretty much the beginning of the year. I'm sure a lot of people set some New Year's resolutions to get fit, and so you put yourself on the okay, I'm going to do this workout program five days a week or whatever it is, and the first week maybe it's tough, but you're like, yep, I'm doing it. And then the second week you know we've all driven by the gyms. By the end of January, nobody's there anymore, and and they're part of that, you know.

Speaker 1: 30:07

I know I catch my own self in. This is like I don't feel like doing it right now, like I could have the time, but I'll do it later today I'll have more time like just pushing it off and pushing it off, but that's something that okay that your strategy that you just gave would be a great asset in that moment. Because if I clearly do have the time to do it now and I just don't feel like it, well, why did I set this for my? Why did I want to do this in the first place? Why did I want to work out what's it going to feel like, not only when I finished this workout, but what's it going to feel like when I finished the next 50 workouts. Is my body going to feel better? Am I going to be healthier? Is that the whole reason why I wanted to do this in the first place? Yeah, absolutely Okay. So now maybe it's not quite so hard to go hit, play or whatever it is that you're doing, and put those running shoes on and just go. So that's a great, great little reminder. So I'm going to switch gears just a little bit here, because you speak about a lot of things.

Speaker 1: 31:05

I know you work with women on a lot of different topics, and this one was interesting to me, so we're going to talk about it. So, getting clear on what you want, I think everybody wants more clarity, it seems, in their life. You know, I think I don't know if there's a person on the planet maybe there is but if somebody came down from the heavens and gave you a book and said here you go, this is it. This book contains every next step that you need to take in order to live your best life. Follow these steps and this is going to be the best that it is. I don't know anyone that wouldn't take that book, but I have yet to see. The heavens have not parted for me yet I do not own such a book. So so, clarity, let's just talk about it First of all. Why is it important to get super clear on what you want?

Speaker 2: 31:55

Yeah, to me this is the beginning of everything, like, no matter who I'm working with, no matter what type of a perfectionist they are pretty much all of the time. If you are absolutely sure that this is what I need to do today, like just today, then it makes it really easy to not procrastinate. If you're so sure that if you do this thing today it will move you a step ahead and all I need to do is do this thing, then we do it right. But the moment that we think, okay, well, I have this goal that I want to make multiple six figures in five years and that's going to be through this medium and I have to do social media for it. I have to promo marketing. I'm going to have to end up getting a team, probably in about a year. I'm going to have to sit down and write a bunch of copy. I have to learn how to get a website up. Like you start putting all of this stuff out there and immediately like procrastination. First of all, it's going to hit huge, but secondly, the whole feeling of I don't know enough. How am I going to learn all of this? How am I going to do? Who's going to help me learn this? What's the best way to learn it? Okay, I need to research. Well, now I'm going to do like 18 different programs and two years from now, I'm still going to be doing programs because I still don't know enough, and I'm going to continue and continue to make up reasons why I'm not further ahead, because I just don't have it all. But if the reality is okay, this is the thing I really really want in five years from now and this is the route I think I want to go. I want to do it through podcasting or I want to do it through opening an online business, whatever it is. Then really, it's saying to yourself okay, knowing that this is the route, knowing this is my aim, what are the things that right now, I already know and what are the things right now that I need help in? I don't know those things enough to move forward. As soon as we can get clear on that.

Speaker 2: 33:47

It makes it pretty simple for us to say, okay, well, I know these things and I know I'm going to. For example, I know how to build a website, so I know I'm going to need one. I can do that part of it. I can break that down to the steps and figure out what I want in the website and what I want it to look like, at least to start, and I can look over here and say, okay, I know nothing about how to set up automations and what that would look like or how to build an email list. I don't know anything about that. Okay, so that's what I'm going to research. Is there somebody that can teach me? Is there a free course? Can I find it on YouTube? What is it that I would need? But these are the first things that I want to set up in the next month, two months, three months, whatever it is. Then it makes it super easy for us to say, okay, now I can break that into chunks. What is that going to look like? As a business coach, that's what I do mostly is breaking it down into chunks and helping it to be very digestible and what's the first things first and what comes next and so on. But I think, until you're so super clear that you know, okay, I have to do this today, this is on my schedule today as the next best step.

Speaker 2: 34:53

It's really really hard to keep motivated and feeling like I'm moving towards my goal. I think a lot of times, people have this great, awesome goal. It's such a good goal. They're so excited and they're all wound up with this new energy. Maybe they just heard about something, or they took a course, or whatever. They're like, okay, I'm going to do it all. And they jump in Two weeks in. It's like the exercise analogy Two weeks in. They're like, okay, I feel like I'm going in circles. I don't really know what I have accomplished, what I haven't. Everything's still huge that needs to be done. I don't really know what I shouldn't be doing and what maybe is actually useful. And then the inspiration is lower and lower and the motivation is lower and lower, and eventually it's either give up or I'm now taking another course, because I think that might actually tell me something that I don't know.

Speaker 2: 35:43

And I think, as we're muddling through life, a lot of people think there's only one thing Like this is my calling today and this is what I feel like I need to be doing, and I'm here for this reason, and so now I'm on it, and now that I'm on it, I can't ever divert from it. I need to keep going on it, because I've put money into it. I've told people I'm going to do it, so I need to keep doing it, because what are they going to think if I change my mind? And I think that's the other problem with clarity is, you might be so inspired right now by something because you've just heard it, but that doesn't mean that a year from now, that's all useless if you decide I need to take a detour. Those are all things that are now going to benefit on your next stage.

Speaker 2: 36:28

And I think for many women there is that whole fear of okay, I said something and I'll have to stick with it, especially if you're people pleaser. I don't want people to start to judge me because I've decided I actually need to go this route instead of that route. And then again, how do I find clarity? Because now I'm maybe looking like I don't know what I'm doing. So I think there's just so many things that clarity just bring perspective to. It allows you to feel confident in what you're choosing, and it also allows you to fill your days with the things that actually light you up, keep you motivated and help you to feel like, yeah, there is progress every single day. I can see out there at the end of the journey. I'm heading in that direction.

Speaker 1: 37:10

Yeah, so that's great. I agree with all of that. So now tell us how that sounds. Great, don. I would love to take all this clarity that you're talking about, and I know that there's no one trick. If there was, obviously we wouldn't even be talking about this, because we'd all just know how to do it and I know that there's a million different strategies, but do you have any favorite strategies that you could share with us that can just help hone in on just getting more clarity?

Speaker 2: 37:43

Yeah, I think for me it's a brain dump. I think for a lot of people they don't realize the benefit of actually getting everything onto a piece of paper. I mean, you can do it on a computer if you want as well, but I just think there's something about actually writing things down and laying them out in every area. One thing that I hear a lot from women as they're trying to get clear is yeah, but I'm also a mom and I'm also this and I'm also that, and so do I leave that out and I'm just focusing on my business, or where does that fit? And it's like no, no, dump everything, because whatever you're heading towards, all of that has to fit. It has to fit in your day. You can't be like well, we're just going to pretend I don't have kids, so I'm going to do really good at this business because I never have to take time off for somebody getting sick. So we need to get it all out. And I think, as we start to see things on paper and it's not something to do in an hour or a day, it's like something that you're going to keep putting things down as you're probably muddling through all of this in your head over the next month even, and you're going to keep adding and keep adding. Okay, so I want to make this kind of money. I want to be able to go on this kind of vacation that I want to be able to live in this area. I'd like to be able to do this with my children. I would like to put them in these kind of schools or this kind of program. I would like to feel and I think feelings are super important as we're writing this. I want to feel like this in my days. I want to learn these kinds of things. I want to work with these kinds of people, but putting everything really down on the paper and to be able to look at that.

Speaker 2: 39:10

Then, after you have tons and tons of ideas out there and maybe it's even I don't even know what I want to do, so what are things that are even of interest to you? And having them on the paper and then being able to sit back and look at it all and see the patterns. Where are the patterns? Where are the breadcrumbs? Okay, I seem to have a lot of things here around the idea that I want to be at home. Okay, so this may mean a work from home job or by creating my own job at home. But there's a lot of home on here, and to accomplish all the different things I put on here, it also means that I have to be pretty free with my time. Okay, so well, that's going to weed out a lot of things. What can you do that you're freed with your time? I hate anything with technology. I don't want to be on a computer, I don't. Okay, well, that's going to look very different than two.

Speaker 2: 39:59

So what kind of business is that going to be Then? It's going to be a person-to-person type of business that you're developing, but I think the more that you lay it on a piece of paper and find patterns and find, okay, what are the things that really matter as you're doing it, I love, you know, put highlighter or big stars or whatever. What are the things that are so important that are absolutely like I have to have this? And then, what are the things that are like I'd like this? But you know it's not a deciding factor and I think, as we get clear on that, then you can sit down and start saying, okay, well, what are my options here? What am I looking at? Have a conversation with your partner or a good friend or somebody that's close to you and say, okay, look, this is what I laid out, this is what I'm seeing. These are the things that I'm feeling about it. What do you see in me that fits this? Because often other people can then say to you oh, I could totally see you doing this, or you know what. You put this here, but have you thought about what that would actually be like and what that would take from you? Right, so, just again, having somebody else look in with a fresh set of eyes to allow some clarity there as well.

Speaker 2: 41:02

And then, if you have a coach or somebody that you can talk to, that's just maybe in a total outside person that could take a look and say, okay, now that we see all of this, you know what changes would have to be made to move towards this. What does that mean for your daily routine? What does it mean Maybe you're in a job now. What does that mean for that job now? Where would you even start with this, and what are areas that we can start looking at that? Maybe you want to do a little research. So I think, as you broaden it then to having some other eyes on it, it becomes much more clear, and you can do this in anything.

Speaker 2: 41:34

So, for example, maybe you love what you're doing but you are just not sure, like, what's the next step? Where should I be going next? Start writing it all out, right? What have you thought of? What are things I know for my podcast? I've done this where.

Speaker 2: 41:46

Okay, what am I thinking? What do I love about the podcast? What am I not loving? What are things that I would love to talk about next? What are people that I'm talking to talking about? What are areas that I feel like I keep butting my head against the wall and you know what are conversations that keep coming up over and over? Right, so you can take any area and really lay it out. And then again, I think having somebody else's eyes on your words is super important because, again, they're just not in your head, and so it allows you to have somebody else's perspective and be able to hear some other ideas, thoughts, ways of looking at it that might just totally change the view that you're looking from, but I think that's the easiest way, and it's not the only way that I do it, but I think that's one of the easiest ways when you're just trying to assess for yourself Okay, where am I right now and where can I move forward?

Speaker 1: 42:34

Yeah, that's a great, great strategy. I think you're right. There's something to be said about just writing, writing, handwriting, getting it all out on paper and just dumping it on there, and that's just going to give you, that has to give you clarity, because you're going to it's coming from your own thoughts, your own brain and then looking, like you say, to see where the patterns are. That just seems like great, great suggestion. I think I'm going to try that myself and several areas of my life, like, or just maybe, one massive paper with everything I don't know. We'll see how I see how I do it. So, dawn, I have one final question for you. I've been asking a question of the month for all of my podcast guests and my question for you is what's one thing you wish everyone on the planet would do in regards to their own well-being?

Speaker 2: 43:22

I love this question, Mindy. When I saw that this was a question you asked, I'm like, oh okay, I wish more people actually asked this. But for me, definitely, as we're, you know, as we're talking about all the things we talked about today, if you are in, like, living life at a pace that you feel like you know the days and the weeks and the months just keep going by and you almost can't, you know, get a grasp on the fact that, oh, my goodness, like I was going to do this, I was going to do that, but the time's gone. For me, the thing right now is how can we get off the hamster wheel? And so the thing that I always suggest to everybody is take time out, like actually put it in your schedule every single week, and it can be 10 minutes, it could be an hour, whatever you personally and again for perfectionists, it does not have to be a full hour, it does not have to be like three you know hours with nothing around and everything perfect around you and the children around the house. It doesn't have to be any of that. It's just taking the time that you have and scheduling it in and sitting down and literally like turn off the phone, get away from all other distraction as much as you can, even if they're kids in the room, it's not a big deal. But just close your eyes and sit there and just ask yourself how am I doing? How am I doing?

Speaker 2: 44:40

Because I think, the more that we actually pay attention to that inner voice and take the time to find out are we okay, Like, are we okay? Are we liking life right now? Are we enjoying things in life? What are we enjoying? What aren't we enjoying? Are the things we know we need to change?

Speaker 2: 44:59

Because if we just ignore that and stay on that hamster wheel, five years is going to go by, no matter what. If you're going to be at the end of the five years thinking I should have made that change back then and I just didn't pay attention to it. And now here I am and I'm five years older and now I'm thinking I need to make that change Right. So take some time in your weeks and really ask yourself if where you are is where you want to be. Am I enjoying the journey? I think that changes so much. It changes our anxiety, it changes our stress levels, it changes our just joy and fulfillment as we're moving forward because we're in so, many, many stages as we go through life, but often we aren't actually taking time to find out. Do I like anything that I'm creating? So just taking that time out to do that?

Speaker 1: 45:49

Yeah, oh, I love that. Just making the time for yourself to be more intentional, like to live an intentional life. That's the way that you want it to be. I love that. Just taking that time, that's great, great advice. So, dawn, if people are listening to this and going, oh, this Don lady is super cool, I want to learn more about her, where can they find you?

Speaker 2: 46:13

So my website is probably the easiest place. It's pursue progresscom. You can find my podcast there. You can find my clarity workbook that'll actually walk you through finding clarity. You can connect with me there. You can hop on my newsletter if you'd like some more info and details. But pursue progresscom is definitely the easiest space.

Speaker 1: 46:32

Awesome, and I will, of course, put that link in the show notes so people can just find you with a click of a button. Dawn, thank you so much for being on this today. I learned a lot and I've got new little tricks. You know, I teach about some of this stuff too, and I learned a lot and I read a lot about it and I know a lot. But I feel like whenever I have somebody like you on, I always learn something else. Everybody's got their own little nuggets of wisdom to share, so thank you for all of those little tips and strategies today.

Speaker 2: 47:00

Thank you so much for having me, mindy. This was so much fun and I hope that everybody realizes that you can be any of those three P's and it's still okay, you don't have to get rid of them.

Speaker 1: 47:10

Yeah, love that. Well, everybody that's listening. I hope you gained a little from this episode too, and, wherever you're at, I hope you're having a fantastic day and I will catch you on the next one. That's it for today. Friends, if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe or, even better, leave a review and let me know what resonated with you the most. The more you tell me what you love, the better I'm able to create future episodes with even better content. I'm sending you so much love and light. I'll see you in the next episode.