Are you one of those independent people? You are that person who takes care of it all and never has to ask for help. The person who just has it together.
I used to be like that. The lone wolf. Trying to do everything myself.
Until being so independent, essentially caused my entire life to fall apart
In this episode of Hot Take Tuesdays, I'm talking about the dangers of being so independent.
and how you can start to open yourself up to being supported by other people.
If you are someone who struggles asking for help, this episode is exactly what you need!
Are you one of those independent people? You are that person who takes care of it all and never has to ask for help. The person who just has it together.
I used to be like that. The lone wolf. Trying to do everything myself.
Until being so independent, essentially caused my entire life to fall apart
In this episode of Hot Take Tuesdays, I'm talking about the dangers of being so independent.
and how you can start to open yourself up to being supported by other people.
If you are someone who struggles asking for help, this episode is exactly what you need!
welcome back, my love, for another episode of Hot take Tuesdays. And I am recording this episode at a little over 9, 000 feet and I'm not quite adjusted to the altitude yet. I might sound a little bit out of breath. So just Just bear with me as I continue to adjust to this crazy altitude, So are you one of those independent people? Like you're that person who gets their own shit done, who just takes care of it all, who never has to ask for help and just has it together. Maybe you were the one, even like in a group project setting, that you just did the whole thing yourself and put everyone's names on it because it was just easier than working with other people. I used to absolutely be like that. Until trying to be so independent basically caused my entire life to fall apart so today I'm talking about the dangers of being so independent. And how you can start to rely on other people for more support. You're listening to Life After Medicine, the podcast for health professionals who want to make a difference, make a living, and still have the freedom to enjoy their lives. My name is Chelsea Turgeon, and my mission is to help you, the lost health professional, find your authentic path to helping others and generating stable income without having to sacrifice your own health and happiness in the process. I used to be a bit of a lone wolf, thinking that I just had to do everything myself, figure it all out. I didn't like asking for help or admitting that I was falling short or unable to do something. I remember one time in med school, I was getting a massage and the masseuse was doing my shoulders and he was like, man, It feels like the weight of the world is on here. That's really what it felt like for me, it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders because I was carrying so much. And when I was struggling in residency To finish clinic notes, to multitask, to have confidence in surgery. I didn't talk to anyone about it. I didn't reach out for help until basically it got so bad that I was drowning because reaching out for help felt like failure, like admitting defeat. When I was dreaming of traveling and becoming a digital nomad, I didn't reach out to anyone online to ask how they got started. I didn't join any Facebook communities. I just went into this little hidey hole in my room, scrolling on Google, trying to figure it all out myself. I also had this deep seated sense of insecurity about the world and just other people in general. I would have heart pounding social anxiety when I walked into a room full of strangers. And the first few times I went solo camping and solo hiking and residency, I was basically in a panic attack the entire time. I solo traveled a bit for interview season, fourth year of med school, and I overplanned every single detail in order to make myself feel more comfortable. Basically, I was afraid of the unknown and felt that I had to control everything and everyone around me in order to manage any potential threats. And now, with this good ol hindsight, I really clearly see what was going on. I was wildly hyper independent, and hyper independence is a behavioral pattern in which an individual excessively emphasizes self reliance and autonomy, usually to the point of avoiding reliance on others for emotional, physical, or financial support. I had this belief deep down that relying on others leads to disappointment. And so it's better for me to just do everything myself. But what that translated to was I didn't feel safe in the world. I had to keep my life small to mitigate risks, to reduce unknowns, and that was limiting. I struggled with burnout and exhaustion, because as you can imagine, when you're trying to do everything yourself and hyper functioning, eventually you run out of steam. And I was lonely. I was unable to let people see me in my struggle. So instead, I just closed off. I pretended that I was okay, that I was just, you know, dealing with the general stress of residency, but nothing more than that. And I just spent so much time holed away in my own little world, trying to figure things out myself. And maybe you're struggling with this as well. Trying to carry it all yourself. Feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, maybe having masseuses point that out, how tense and tight you are, and just trying to manage it all yourself. But it doesn't have to keep being this way. There's this quote I love that says, these mountains you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb. So I want to talk today about how you can let go of some of the weight that you're carrying. Let go of some of the burdens of everything you're trying to do yourself and see how you can start to rely on others for support so that you can actually move forward. There's that saying that says like a burden shared is a burden halved and so what I want you to get from this episode is how we can start to open up, share our burdens, rely on other people and just sort of trust fall into the universe. Because that's what I've been working on. Ever since I've been traveling, and even more so after my freak accident that I had about two years ago, I have been opening myself up, I've been letting other people see me in my struggles and vulnerabilities, and even letting other people support me, initially, I really felt so hesitant to rely on other people because it just didn't feel safe. But in the wake of my accident, Which, I did a podcast episode on that, so I'll link that in the show notes if you want to go back and hear what I'm talking about. But I had to be cared for in ways that were, quite frankly, pretty embarrassing. I needed help getting up to go to the toilet, getting out of bed at all, being fed, being bathed. And it was really this baptism into learning how to ask for help. into letting other people support me. I remember at one point my mom was in town helping me and my occupational therapist was there and we were all kind of having a meeting together about how everything was going. And I remember saying I can almost do things all myself. I, I really don't need help. I can use my crutches and I can do this and this. Just sort of talking about how I can actually get around by myself and do things myself. Truthfully, in a very ghetto way, like I could be in the kitchen holding my crutches and I could partially let go of one crutch to use a hand to make coffee. Like it wasn't great, but I was like, yeah, I can do this myself. And my occupational therapist was like, well, okay, you can, but it's also nice to just have someone help and to do things for you. And that was like such a revelation for me, like just because I can do it myself doesn't mean I have to. It doesn't mean I should. I don't have to get to the point where I'm struggling to the point of burnout before I ask other people for help. It's not I have to rely on other people, it's I get to rely on other people. And it's okay. And so this is a lesson I've been integrating for the past two years since my accident. And it's turned into this superpower of mine that I practice quite regularly. So instead of my old belief that relying on others leads to disappointment, hurt, or betrayal, I started to cultivate and rewire some new beliefs. And I'll read them out to you so that you can start to try on ones that work for you. We're all in this together. Cue high school musical theme song. We're all in this together. Yeah, if you know, you know. life is a team sport. It's safe to lean on others. The universe is always supporting me. People are here to help me. The world is a friendly place. And that has to do with what I talked about last week about, you know, the most important decision you make is, do we live in a hostile or friendly universe? And I've been actively deciding that we live in a friendly universe, that the world is a friendly place. And by cultivating these new beliefs, I started to develop this symbiotic relationship with the universe. And I want to share a little bit about how this has been playing out for me recently. Because now that I'm cultivating these beliefs, I just feel so safe in the world as I solo travel and I'm able to have these expansive experiences because I feel so safe. Today I was at this pharmacy in Sucre, Bolivia and I had this whole list of things I needed to get and I went in and immediately just asked for help from one of the pharmacists. I like showed her my list and was telling her each thing I needed and she helped me through the whole process. I felt so nice. I felt so supported. Last night I took an overnight bus in Bolivia from Uyuni to Sucre and I walked in to the bus station. I hadn't navigated the bus stations in Bolivia yet. And I immediately just went to the information desk, showed them my ticket and was basically like, ayúdame, por favor, which is help me. And the person behind the counter was so kind he made it his personal mission to make sure I got on the right bus, at the right time. He walked me to the place to print my ticket, found me a place to sit to wait for the bus, and then even delegated someone to come get me, to personally come get me when it was time to board and just walk me to the bus. Those are just some of the experiences that I've had while solo traveling. Which is a time where it's really important to learn how to rely on other people, to let yourself be supported. Because even though I travel solo, I'm really never alone because I'm always being supported by the people around me. And mainly that's because I have this belief that the universe is always supporting me, that people are here to help me, and I help others in return. Another way this has played out is I've been able to travel in community more. So yes, I love solo traveling and having these expansive experiences and learning how to feel secure in the world at large. And I have also loved to start traveling with other people in community, which was never possible for me when I was in this lone wolf mentality. And the benefits of traveling in community is we learn to rely on each other. Recently I did a four week co living community experience with a group called Wi Fi Tribe that I'm a part of. And there was this day when I was co working, and I was using one of my friend's whiteboards, trying to just figure out this framework for my curriculum for Pathway to Purpose. And I was getting a little frustrated because people around me were being chatty, and my first instinct was to get up and go and lock myself in a quiet room and just put my head down and work on it alone in silence. And instead I just voiced my frustration a bit about how I felt stuck. And one of the girls in the co working room was like, Let us help you. Let us work through it with you. Just tell us what you got so far and we can brainstorm together. And it's so wild because I totally forgot the three people I was sitting in the room with had backgrounds in marketing. Copywriting, social media management. So they understood this online business world and they were really equipped to help me. And so I shared the rough draft version that I had, and just talking through it with them helped me to create this incredible framework for the curriculum inside of Pathway to Purpose. It helped me tie it all together in this way that I really wasn't able to before. And these are just some examples of what happens when you start to open yourself up and let yourself be supported. And as a result of cultivating this new outlook and approach to life, I feel so supported by the universe, by the people around me. I feel much more at ease and just kind of held. And I feel connected to other people, like we're all in this together. And I'm capable of stretching and pushing myself because I feel so connected and supported. My life and business are so much bigger and more successful than if I was trying to do it all myself. There's this African proverb I love that says, If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. So, my loves, the hot take today is, it's safe to rely on other people. And in fact, it's safe. If you truly want to make a difference, make a living, and have the freedom to enjoy your life, you absolutely must learn how to rely on others for support. Because if you're wanting to forge your authentic path towards freedom, towards fulfillment, what you're describing is a big life. And you can only create a big life With the help of those around you. So the invitation from this episode is to reflect on your own tendencies towards hyper independence. Where do you insist on doing everything yourself? Where do you refuse to ask for help from others? Do you feel safe leaning on others? Being supported? Being vulnerable? Letting other people see you in the struggle? And what beliefs can you start to cultivate? That may help you rely on other people. I gave you some of my examples. We're all in this together. Life is a team sport. It's safe to lean on others. The universe is always supporting me. People are here to help me. The world is a friendly place. What are your beliefs? That's it for today, my loves. Thank you so much for tuning in for a Hot Take Tuesday, and I'll see you next week.
