Season 3, Episode 9: Fix-ated on That

Join our discussion about resisting the urge to fix issues or rescue others.

Transcript

0:00:00 - Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders.

0:00:11 - Kayla

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hey, I'm Brian and I'm Kayla.

0:00:15 - Brian

Good to have you. We have two new friends in the studio with us.

0:00:18 - Kayla

We do, it's actually you surprised me with this.

0:00:22 - Brian

I did and it's a pea and a carrot.

0:00:25 - Kayla

They're stuffed toys. Yeah, we should clarify, not like literally. We have a pea and a carrot.

0:00:33 - Brian

Okay, but I got them from Hallmark. They're so cute and I brought you one of them and you they have magnets, so they like. So you see, we go together like peas and carrots there you go, we'll share a picture. So yeah, we will. Yeah, it says better together peas and carrot. No, so what? How's that go?

0:00:56 - Kayla

Yeah.

0:00:57 - Brian

All right, before we move on, there's a word that you have been using that has spread throughout the PAR team now, and I'd like to confront you in the spirit.

0:01:07 - Kayla

Oh, really? Well, that's just tomfoolery.

0:01:11 - Brian

That's the word. Yep, I know which word it was. Okay.

0:01:13 - Kayla

I'm not apologizing for it. Why? Because sometimes it fits, it just does so. You asked the PAR team. Yes, you are making them choose to give up one, and it's between bread and rice and pasta and potato, yep. And so I told you this is tomfoolery, I'm not doing it, and someone else agreed so.

0:01:39 - Brian

It's just a great word, Tom. What's it mean? Like foolishness, but oh yeah, How’d tom get in there? Well, I don't know. Bless him, I don't understand.

0:01:49 - Kayla

Speaking of PAR.

0:01:50 - Brian

Yes.

0:01:51 - Kayla

We had the joy of spending this past week with our leadership team, doing some planning and dreaming, and there's a lot of fun.

0:01:59 - Brian

There's a lot of fun, the best leadership team we've ever had. We just love people of character, wisdom, patience. They put up with me big dreams, oh big dreams, and I'm thankful for them. We had great laughs, great meals. We did so. One of our Adam McCain, who's my number one. One had COVID so he had to zoom in. He said he felt fine the whole time he looked like he felt okay, yeah, so, but you know, covet as Doug Day said, said man day two of COVID, your hair looks great.

I'll never forget that. So okay, Miss Kayla, who's also known as Al Roker, you're keeping track of the weather.

0:02:41 - Kayla

Well, if we are keeping track, yes. We're on our fifth fake spring in the new what is fake spring? So fake spring is. We'll have like two days that are cold and Windy and rainy, and then here comes this beautiful blue sky day with 65 70 degrees. And then, just when we get like lulled into the thought that it's spring, here comes another cold and windy and rainy day and I mean, aren't we gonna be in like the 20s?

0:03:09 - Brian

Next week we'll have some highs. They're like 73 and then and then there's a couple of nights where it's like 29.

0:03:16 - Kayla

That's crazy. So yeah, but I will say this the trees are starting to look beautiful, all the pink blossoms, so I want to handle this in a public form. Again. I want you.

0:03:27 - Brian

This is twice I want you to prepare your heart that next week we'll have to turn on the air conditioner.

0:03:32 - Kayla

Okay, okay, you think that's gonna bother me right now. I Didn't.

0:03:41 - Brian

Do you want to tell them why that's not well, I think they could figure it out.

0:03:44 - Kayla

I'm 51 years old, so yeah, you're gonna be the one looking for a sweater.

0:03:49 - Brian

Trust me, she loves to sit in her easy chair with this big thick blanket and we'll be watching some show. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see a blanket sling across room.

0:04:01 - Kayla

Okay, you might be over sharing.

0:04:02 - Brian

I'm not baby. Are you warm? Little bit!

0:04:07 - Kayla

Can't help it.

0:04:08 - Brian

So all right.

0:04:09 - Kayla

Big news, big news. Somebody has a birthday this week.

0:04:15 - Brian

Mm-hmm.

0:04:16 - Kayla

And it's not me.

0:04:18 - Brian

It's me, yay. I will turn 56 on March 15th, four years from 60.

0:04:27 - Kayla

Yeah, I may have stepped off it at the other day.

0:04:29 - Brian

Yeah, we were talking and I said, baby, can you believe I won't be 56? And what was your response?

0:04:35 - Kayla

Oh, my gosh 56?. Yeah, that's, exactly.

0:04:38 - Brian

And see in my head, I'm like that's 19 years from being 75. I'm like I'm really having, oh my goodness, no, I'm really struggling. No, I think it's awesome. I don't know if I'll make it 75, but we'll see.

0:04:49 - Kayla

Yes, you will. I hope you will. So happy birthday, B. Thank you, darling, love you. Let's fix that.

0:04:58 - Brian

Well, it seems some tape or some glue to fix this.

0:05:01 - Kayla

No, this isn't the kind of thing that calls for super glue or duct tape. It's so tempting for all of us to want to jump in and fix a problem or rescue someone, and that's not always a bad thing, but it's also not always ours to do. And I think of parenting. Not that we've experienced that we had a dog and we've got stories but sometimes leadership compares to this, would you agree?

0:05:31 - Brian

100%, because you see people struggle, people that you love, who struggle and they might struggle with this decision or they might struggle with this area, and you want to step in and you want to rescue them.

0:05:44 - Kayla

Yeah, and you have leaders come to you often addressing this and sharing that they just don't know if they should jump in or if they should sit back, or and there are times we are meant to take a step back and let other people figure things out- I think that there's an old adage that says that you try to keep children away from touching a hot stove. Yeah, but if they ever, what's the best way they're going to learn?

0:06:10 - Brian

Well, you know, the first time they touch it, I guarantee you they're never going to touch it again. Yeah, I guess this is the principle that you have to let people fail.

0:06:20 - Kayla

Yeah.

0:06:20 - Brian

You have. Even and this is for me as a leader, because I have a lot of people who work for me you have to let them fail, and sometimes I want to be embarrassed like this looks poorly on me, well, okay, but is them learning a lesson more important than my personal pride? Who? And I think the answer to that has to be a yes, because it's not about me, it's about, I mean, think about this. Let's look at this from, like, Jesus’s perspective. He's looking down from heaven. Well, that one there just went off rails. He's letting us fail so that we can grow.

0:07:04 - Kayla

Yeah, we'll come back to that. I think of a child when they're learning to walk, to tie their shoes, work a puzzle, manage their school schedule as they get into like middle school and high school. You want to prepare them for college and for, like time management and all those things. Basically, being a good human, be responsible, and it's the same with leading teams or with managing home life, as you said. Sometimes we really have to ask ourselves. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to look at a series of things that we've considered in this, and you alluded to one when you talked about is it our pride and what was it?

0:07:48 - Brian

you said about that. Yeah, I mean, sometimes it is that we don't want this person to fail, especially at something that we have purview over, because we're afraid it's going to make us look bad as a leader.

And yet I've seen or as a parent, or as a parent or grandparent, and so we want to actually rescue them when really the best thing we can do is to let them fail and they will learn the lesson. So somebody else's failure isn't your failure, and you have to be willing to let people fail so that they can grow. I think the book of James says that you have to endure things so that your character grows.

0:08:31 - Kayla

Perhaps we're more concerned, if we're really honest, about our comfort or our ease, and Resisting the urge to jump in creates this anxiety for all of us. But that doesn't necessarily mean we should overstep now. Okay, someone is going to say, but they could get hurt. Well, we get that. Of course, there are times that you are going to jump in somebody.

0:08:56 - Brian

Jump out of an airplane without a parachute. You're you might want to rescue them.

0:09:00 - Kayla

I'm saying this is just stuff that if they're learning how to navigate life, if they're learning how to manage money, learning how to do a budget, learning how to care for others, or something like that to manage their projects, to Get their homework done, if they're in high school or college or Nobody was following me around in college saying make sure you show up for class on time and make sure that you get your homework done and write that paper and those are skills that parents teach while their kids are at home in, hopefully, in middle school and high school, so that when you do release them to the big wide world they can cope. And it's hard when you are Coming alongside someone who is in their own struggle because sometimes the reality is they did not have someone in their life that was doing that for them when they were growing up.

0:09:59 - Brian

I like what you said, that we're more concerned about our own comfort and ease, and this is what I'm thinking. If this person fails, if this person drops the ball on this, or if this kid does this over here, yeah, is that going to create more work for me, is that going to create more Anxiety for me? And so that's a temptation To want to step in and rescue them, yeah, so that I don't have more stuff to do back here and there. Again, you have to count the cost. What's more important? Yeah, your own comfort.

Hmm or this person learning lesson. I'm gonna go on record and say I like to be comfortable you do so.

0:10:43 - Kayla

I'm gonna let you take the next one, okay.

0:10:50 - Brian

We're gonna skip this one. No, yes, we are. We're gonna say. Are we coming from a place of impatience rather than resting God's timeline? I'm a very such a patient baby. Stop it Now, that's fine. I'm gonna hurt being cared over here. Oh, I Am a very impatient man. There's a famous phrase in par that if Brian wants something done, when did he want it done?

0:11:14 - Kayla

Yesterday, yesterday.

0:11:15 - Brian

I have tried to grow in that and there's a principle that I try to follow I want to be patient with accomplishing the mission. I want to be impatient with the task that will do that. So the first one is oh. The second one, oh Say a lot. And so this is where I am in this. I'm an imperfect man, I'm an impatient man and I often do not rest in God's timeline.

A lot of us are guilty of that and there's a piece of me oh, I hate to admit this there's a piece of me that believes that leaders and parents and school teachers and employers that God's using us to develop character in others. Now, that doesn't give me a blank check To make somebody's life miserable yeah, something like that but it does mean that I have the right to push them a little bit.

0:12:24 - Kayla

Sure.

0:12:24 - Brian

So am I impatient.

0:12:27 - Kayla

Yes, it's learning when it's the time to do that.

0:12:31 - Brian

To be impatient?

0:12:32 - Kayla

Yeah, and I mean not everything can be hurry up, the world is burning kind of mentality. But there is a situation that may arise where and this is from kids on up to grown-ups that maybe someone is stuck and we need to help them get unstuck, or maybe they need an external motivation. I think of parents that you know if you get your room cleaned within 30 minutes, we'll watch a movie tonight, or if you get your homework done, we'll go get ice cream. Sometimes those are the external motivations you need, but to your point. I love this truth and it's the image of how Jesus is with us. He will put us in situations that are meant to prune us and grow us, and that's on him to do that. We may feel like he's gone silent at times, because he's not necessarily the one like nagging at us, or we can feel like he's just gone really quiet in our lives, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care. He's always there and nothing is outside of his plan, but sometimes he's just letting us walk through it.

0:13:48 - Brian

Yes, god never leaves you, he never forsakes you.

He's there all the time, but you may not be able to feel him at the time, and so he lets you experience that, in hopes that it will drive you even closer to him and hopefully that will actually grow us. That leads into how opposite we are as like leaders and also parents, because there used to be a term called helicopter parents and now there's a phrase called lawnmower parents, so the helicopter parent used to be referred to as the one that was constantly like swirling around making sure that nothing got dropped knowing when to jump in and rescue.

0:14:30 - Kayla

Well, now the term lawnmower parent comes, and we may have referenced this before this drive to like push ahead of your child or push ahead of your team members so that you clear the path and make it smooth for them.

0:14:44 - Brian

And there's no burden.

0:14:45 - Kayla

Well, I hope you've got all the time in the world to do that for the rest of your life if that's what you're doing, because A little spicy there, but it's okay. I cringe when I see parents or leaders or other people doing this. You've got to give people the freedom to figure things out, and if we're constantly running in front of someone to either clear the way for them or rescue them, what happens when you're gone?

0:15:14 - Brian

I am trying to grow a group of leaders who can step in on the day I either die or I retire. That's where the sits. You have to prepare for what's next.

0:15:26 - Kayla

Well, I'm going to go for the mic drop moment here, Because this may sound like it's all about pointing the finger, and to assure you that it's not for all of us. May we all be so focused on ways we need to grow that we aren't hyper-focused on things we feel the need to fix in others.

0:15:47 - Brian

Say that again. That's powerful.

0:15:49 - Kayla

May we be so focused on ways that we need to grow that we aren't hyper-focused on things we feel that we need to fix in others, Because there's that whole passage in Scripture about the speck in your brother's eyes. That's exactly what I was thinking yes, and the plank in your own, and it's easy to overlook the things that we need to be working on by distracting ourselves with. Well, if I fix this and I fix this, let the focus be what God's doing in me, not what he needs to do in someone else.

0:16:27 - Brian

Well, you're done going to preach it now, and you're 100% right, Miss Kayla. I mean because if we don't, then that leads to self-righteousness and everything else Self-topic, but one that we need to wrestle to the ground often. Hey, hi, hi, we got a letter, we got a letter.

0:16:51 - Kayla

Is it Blue's Clues? We just got a letter. We just got a letter. You've never seen that. You're looking at me like I'm crazy. Okay, we are now watching Blue's Clues, okay.

0:17:01 - Brian

Okay, all right, I'm bringing Godzilla in for this segment.

0:17:04 - Kayla

No, why we went from Blue's Clues to Godzilla.

0:17:08 - Brian

You had Pea and Carrot on here earlier it's Peas and Carrots Day. Yes, but we have. But we got Godzilla here today.

0:17:15 - Kayla

Back to the topic at hand. We are absolutely blown away by how many people have taken time to engage with us over the last few months, and forgive us, we are not going to take the time to Thank each one individually, or we would be here all day. It would be fun, but you all have lots of other things to do. But we wanted to take a minute To say thank you for some of the texts and the cards and the emails and just share a few of those with you To Karen and Christiansburg, tina and Roanoke, dana in low gap and Kathy and Christiansburg.

We see you. Strasburg, Kathy didn't move.

0:18:00 - Brian

Sorry, Kathy, you live in, you live in Strasburg. It's gonna be tough. We see you with your preference for text messages.

0:18:08 - Kayla

Yes, we asked a question one week about and I mean overwhelming number of responses about phone calls versus text.

0:18:16 - Brian

Don't call me text, because if I somebody calls me and that they say to me how you doing, you need what is my famous response.

0:18:24 - Kayla

Well, why is this not a text?

0:18:25 - Brian

Well, you know, this is my response. Well, I'm about to find out how I'm doing because you True, you called.

0:18:31 - Kayla

To Sharra in Waynesboro hey, Sharra, we to use FaceTime sometimes and we totally get why that can be a better option.

0:18:38 - Brian

I'm not a fan of it.

0:18:39 - Kayla

I get your anxiety over taking certain people's phone calls. So FaceTime I have what. My best friend doesn't live in town, so getting to FaceTime with her is one of the delights of my week or month, or we're so busy now that it feels like it's monthly, but yeah oh, you do you this next one is for you. Ron we need to talk.

0:19:03 - Brian

Okay, there's a famous story in our marriage.

0:19:06 - Kayla

We shared it just recently about the pink blanket.

0:19:09 - Brian

Yes, and how, before we got married, it wasn't pink anymore. You were getting the apartment ready.

0:19:15 - Kayla

I threw your pink blanket away. It was not so, Ron, it was beige, not pink, had a hole in it the size of my head. Okay, here we go again. So.

0:19:26 - Brian

Ron and blunt will respond and said I have a fuzzy, soft pink blanket. I lay on my couch and watch comedy shows or movies. Ron, you're my favorite person.

0:19:36 - Kayla

You're my new best friend. Okay, good, maybe Ron will share the pink blanket with you.

0:19:42 - Brian

No.

0:19:44 - Kayla

Sarah, thank you for your beautiful card and Donna, thank you for your kind email. We see you and thank you for sharing the moments that have really spoken to you.

0:19:55 - Brian

Yeah, so, and that card was really nice. I was blown away. It was a beautiful card a dawn. We are glad that you're finding joy and and also in Finding community and what we share. So, and this is a big tent, I mean everybody, come on in, we'll just sit down absolutely chicken together.

0:20:10 - Kayla

To all the friends who've shared book suggestions that grasp that Mayo should be spread with an eye, I'll stop now.

0:20:17 - Brian

See, that's not fair. Godzilla just got in the boat.

0:20:20 - Kayla

Oh did he? He did.

0:20:22 - Brian

We just discussed that a few weeks back. You spread may one time. I know it wasn't a wonderful.

0:20:27 - Kayla

No, I wasted Mayo. We don't have time for this. Waste me. To those who text us saying I can Totally see this happening to y'all, well, or thank you for being real. We appreciate you as well. We do and we love hearing from all of you. So yes, if you would like to win. Yes, a coffee mug or some stickers and we have some coming soon. We're gonna have some new surprise and lights Well just go to our website, look for the trivia button.

0:20:59 - Brian

You go to peas and carrots podcast calm that's our website, peas and carrots podcast calm and you click on the trivia button and you have to answer this question this week.

0:21:09 - Kayla

So our question this week is which is your favorite? Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? As we're coming into daylight savings time now, and some people are going to prefer the start of the day and some people are going to prefer the end of the day. So you used to be a night owl. I've become a morning person.

0:21:30 - Brian

Yeah.

0:21:30 - Kayla

I still don't like people in the morning, but I like the mornings.

0:21:38 - Brian

It's there one particular? Is there one particular people that gets on your nerves?

0:21:42 - Kayla

No, not just people in general before coffee, because I'm usually the only one in the house at that time of the morning. Well, but you don't talk early in the morning, and if you do, I tell you what's the rule about Lincoln stories.

0:21:52 - Brian

This morning, I got up and I asked about three or four questions and this head slowly turns. It's about 4:15 this morning, “B it's a little early for 20 questions.”

0:22:05 - Kayla

I hadn't had a full cup of coffee. Anywho, we digress. Search peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Answer that trivia question and we will send you a mug and some stickers.

0:22:18 - Brian

She loves the stickers. She thinks they're cute.

0:22:19 - Kayla

Oh, they're absolutely adorable.

0:22:22 - Brian

Hey, thanks for listening, and you can search the Peas and Parrot…

0:22:25 - Kayla

Peas and Parrots… He needs some coffee.

0:22:29 - Brian

Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:22:31 - Kayla

Wherever you get your podcast or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com and when you do, please don't forget to subscribe to the podcast.

0:22:39 - Brian

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:22:45 - Kayla

I blame Godzilla. You wouldn't have said Parrots if he wasn't sitting there.

0:22:49 - Brian

He is not bothering anybody.

0:22:51 - Kayla

Little bit.

0:22:51 - Brian

No! “A little bit…”

0:22:53 - Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life's not perfect. That's why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.