Season 3, Episode 22: To My 20 Year Old Self

Reflections on what we'd like to tell younger versions of ourselves.

Transcript

0:00:00 - Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

0:00:11 - Brian

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. Hello. I'm Kayla, I'm Brian. 

0:00:19 - Kayla

Who am I? Where am I? What day is this? 

0:00:22 - Brian

you just had a piece of cake. I did I had some birthdays here. We've had some birthdays in the office, so just had a piece of cake. I did. I had some birthdays here. 

0:00:26 - Kayla

We've had some birthdays in the office, so yeah, a little piece of cake. 

0:00:30 - Brian

I had fruit. 

0:00:31 - Kayla

I feel judged Well. I'm not saying that, no, I know you're not. 

0:00:36 - Brian

I was living vicariously through you. 

0:00:38 - Kayla

It was. 

0:00:39 - Brian

It's a strawberry kind you like. 

0:00:41 - Kayla

It's like a strawberry shortcake kind of yeah, what kind of strawberry kind do you like? It's like a strawberry shortcake kind of yeah, wow, it's good. 

0:00:47 - Brian

Okay, it's really good. So what's up in the world of P&C peas and carrots? We are falling off the bone that comes from a meme. 

0:00:56 - Kayla

It's hot. 

0:00:57 - Brian

Like they put something in the oven and it falls off the bone. Dear Lord, we falling off the bone down here, and the guy says Lord, you can turn down the heat, because we are falling off the bone and it's been dry. 

0:01:08 - Kayla

So dry. We finally had a storm last night. And it was a storm, our windows rattled. 

0:01:14 - Brian

Yeah, it's been a while since we've had a storm like that. 

0:01:18 - Kayla

It's so dry that our poor yard guy could not mow this week. So that's where we are. So I have new glasses, oh, and I have a confession, I've had them for a year, but I didn't like the way they fit, and so I've been fussing with them. I watched a tutorial on how to fix your glasses. Did you know that if you stick the like, what do they call them? The arms the arms in water. You bend the, they become pliable, so I was able to you did not. 

0:01:49 - Brian

Yes, I did. So Hang on, Michaela Elizabeth. 

0:01:54 - Kayla

I adjusted my glasses when did you do this the other day? So they're progressive lenses. What would you have done if you had broken them? Well, I'd have had to go back to the eye doctor, but it's been a year, so I mean, it's a whole thing, this whole getting used to a new prescription. 

0:02:11 - Brian

you what is it? 

0:02:11 - Kayla

but I'm like a I'm like a bobbing doll. I keep looking up, looking down. If you know, you know, if you wear a progressive lens, you kind of have to find where to look like a computer screen yeah, but these are a different size frame. 

So, yeah, I've been laughing at myself this week because I have to hold my head at a certain angle to see things on the computer screen and then when I look down to read and going upstairs is a whole I gotta take mine off when we're like looking for something on tv, like when a guide comes up. 

0:02:44 - Brian

I got to take them all. 

0:02:44 - Kayla

And that's when I need to make sure I have mine on. 

0:02:47 - Brian

So there's, that. 

0:02:49 - Kayla

You have some big news and you can share it, or I will share it, but if you don't, I'm going to. You had a doctor's appointment this week. 

0:02:58 - Brian

Oh, I'm wondering what in the world's going on? What's the big news? Yeah, I've lost some more weight down 13 more pounds so but it takes a lot longer. 

0:03:10 - Kayla

Your test results are trending very well. Yes. Your doctor was very proud of you. 

0:03:15 - Kayla

He was, and I am. You've been working really hard, so yeah. So, between new glasses and good test results, it's been quite a week. It's hot Hot Like fried chicken. 

0:03:28 - Brian

Yeah, People said, you know, is it a good time to come visit Blacksburg? What's it like? Like well, you've been cremated. I mean it's oh, it's the. 

0:03:41 - Kayla

Gosh. So I was having a conversation with a friend the other night it was actually at our women's Bible study and she shared something about a learning that she had in her 20s. And I was sitting there mesmerized hearing her talk about some of the things that she had figured out by her mid-20s, and so it kind of had me thinking what would I go back and tell my younger self? What are some things that now not in my twenties? I mean the things that I've learned just even in the last four to five years? So we decided we would share some of those. What are the things that you would go back and tell your younger self? 

0:04:27 - Brian

Before we start, let's get this out of the way. Me and Ms Sanders both have a lot of drainage going on. 

0:04:33 - Kayla

Oh, these allergies are yeah. 

0:04:35 - Brian

So if you hear us hacking and coughing, that's what's going on. We'll try not to First time. The first thing I would say to my younger self is be who you are, not who you think you need to be to be accepted. Because I have felt for years and years and years that I had to be a certain way in order to be accepted. I had to be overly generous to get people to like me. 

0:05:03 - Kayla

Yeah. 

0:05:03 - Brian

That I have to be humorous so that people wouldn't look at my weight, or that the fact that I stutter you would do things to deflect yeah. Yes, so just embrace who you are, and not everybody in the world is going to like you. And I'm a pretty great guy, yeah, you are so one of mine is your awkwardness. 

0:05:25 - Kayla

Okay, it makes you relatable. So One of mine is your awkwardness, kay, it makes you relatable, you're not awkward. 

0:05:27 - Brian

Honey. 

0:05:28 - Kayla

I am so socially awkward I am. We were at Disney the other day and the lady said I hope you enjoy the rest of your day in the park. And I looked at her and I said you too. She's working at a restaurant, she's not going anywhere. And then I realized, oh, I shouldn't have said that. So I am so awkward, but it puts other people at ease that I'm not well it makes them feel better about themselves well, there's that and they're welcome I just I struggle with small talk because I'm an introvert and so small talk is painful for me. 

It's just like so that's when I become really awkward. I just want to be like so, do you have a dog? What's your dog's name? Yeah, I'm just being honest. So yeah, what's another one you would share? 

0:06:24 - Brian

It's easier to lose weight when you're younger, but don't stop trying when you're older. I mean, if I could go back. A big regret I have is not starting this health journey when I was like 30, 35. It's hard, it's hard, but I wish I would have done it then. Yeah, establish some habits back then, because now I'm like playing catch up and this stuff likes to hang on. 

0:06:51 - Kayla

So that's too funny because you didn't know my list and I didn't know yours. And this is my next one. Don't quit because something gets hard. Pivot and keep going. I wish I had not stopped exercising when running got hard. I used to love to run the first 10 years of our marriage. You used to love yeah she'd run and I loved it. It was very relaxing for me the first time she got dressed to go run. 

0:07:17 - Brian

I'm like who is chasing us? 

0:07:21 - Kayla

I don't understand that, but then I started having knee issues and it started being harder. It took more, and so I quit. I just quit totally. I should have stepped up in another area. I wish I had not just stopped everything, and so that's the lesson to me is if something becomes more challenging, don't quit. Figure out maybe a new way to do that. 

0:07:49 - Brian

For me. There's stuff in my past and I need if I could go back and tell myself this that it's not your fault, what happened to you isn't your fault, and release myself of false guilt. I'm doing better with that and I'm not going to go into all the issues, but it isn't my fault. Other people made decisions and did things. 

0:08:14 - Kayla

You were the benefit of someone else's bad decisions. 

0:08:16 - Brian

Yes, and so that's all I want to say about that. 

0:08:22 - Kayla

I understand. This one has been a big realization for me, and I have just come to this y'all in the last three months. You don't stink at friendship. There are some friends who are lifelong and there are some that are just for a season, and what I'm learning to tell myself in those moments when I label myself a failure because a friendship hasn't lasted or it's changed, is lean into the friendships that I do have and cherish them while they are a part of my life and stop accusing myself of stinking I think I even said that in a previous podcast is that I really stink at friendship and what God has revealed to me is I don't like the uncomfortable of change. 

And so when a friendship changes, I assume that I must have done something wrong. Well, that's not necessarily true. It could be that the two of us have just grown in different directions, or it could be that we're in different stages of our life. 

0:09:28 - Brian

I think that they just can't handle your like awesomeness. 

0:09:32 - Kayla

Oh, wow, well, OK, but no, just be OK with not. Every friendship is going to be with you from the start of your life to the finish of your life, and that doesn't necessarily now. That is not a free card to be a jerk. And if if I have done something that has hurt someone, then I do need to make amends, that's, I'm not giving myself a pass on situations where I have had to go to someone and say I'm sorry, I hurt you. This is where there's just that natural progression. We've all been there where you call each other less, or you see each other less, or you just kind of have different hobbies and interests, and so I sit with this just false assumption that I failed and I should have done something to make it last. 

0:10:22 - Brian

For me, loving books doesn't make me weird. 

0:10:26 - Kayla

No, it doesn't. 

0:10:27 - Brian

Own your passion. I never had a passion to play football, never had a passion to play baseball. Golf Never had a passion to play baseball. Golf loved, but I never went out for the team. But I always felt outside, looking in, because my passion was learning, my passion was reading, my passion was, oh, tell me more about that. That was my passion, and so I always felt weird because I'd fishing with Dad and I love those memories but I don't go fishing today. I did it because of dad. 

0:11:06 - Kayla

Yeah. 

0:11:07 - Brian

You know I'd like to go to like a coffee bar where everybody's reading the book. And that's OK, that's, and so you're finding that to be acceptable, acceptable and to be OK with it. Yeah. 

0:11:19 - Kayla

Another one for me. Being true to who God made you is a superpower. Stay in your lane, chase the dreams that he has placed in your heart. That's been a big one for me. It is OK, and y'all, I can't say this enough the older I get, the less I want you just get to the point where you realize you have the things that matter. I'm not acquiring anymore. You and I talked about this the other night. We're not in a phase of collecting, not things anyway. We are collecting memories and moments, and so you get to a point where you start to realize what has value to you, what doesn't. 

It's okay for me to embrace the qualities of God that set me apart and that make me add value. 

I'm not meant to be a carbon copy of someone else, and don't apologize for showing up. There were seasons in my life where, because I could tell it was making someone else uncomfortable, I shrank back, and in the last two or three years, I have been able to show up and accept that these are the qualities God gave me. There was a time, you remember this, B, someone accused me of being too in the details. That quote I was a perfectionist and I was driving everyone crazy because I asked questions and I was handling details and details didn't matter. What that person was communicating to me was I wasn't them, and what I came to realize after a season was I'm not meant to be them, because it doesn't work if we all just see the big picture. Some of us have to see the details so we can help the people who see the big picture. And once I started to embrace the fact that perfectionism, placed rightly is okay, I could thrive. So that one's been a big one for me, chase, after who God made you to be. 

0:13:31 - Brian

That's a cool quote and something you said I just want to build on. A full life isn't a house full of things. 

0:13:37 - Kayla

No. 

0:13:38 - Brian

A full house is a life full of memories. 

0:13:42 - Kayla

Yeah, and we've worked really hard in that. You and I, we both have hobbies. Again, we have books, y'all. We have lots of books. And we have other things. I love shoes, not gonna lie, and y'all know I love pretty little sweaters. I love shoes, not gonna lie, and y'all know I love pretty little sweaters. But there comes a point where you realize that you get to capacity. I mean, you just do, you don't need or want any more of those things. Maybe books is the exception, but we've just decided that we want to look back and say these are the things we did not these are the things we stored. 

0:14:22 - Brian

For me, Jesus doesn't give up on me. Here's what that means. He was with me when I was stupid. I used to be so unkind and I used to be very black and white on things. And as the older I get and the more I learn about him, there's a lot more gray area and people say well, you know, the Bible says that. No, your interpretation of the Bible says that. The Bible actually says this. 

0:14:48 - Kayla

Yeah. 

0:14:49 - Brian

Now that's authoritative. Now, your opinion about that is not, and that's a lesson I had to learn. 

0:14:57 - Kayla

So the final one for me is one that I actually did learn in my 20s, and I have carried it with me for 30 some odd years. I will never regret the trips I take. I will never regret the memories that I've made, the things that I have said no to, so that I can be the best wife that you need. It's you first, always, and so my encouragement to people is do not apologize for making your people a priority, because that's who God gave you. 

0:15:33 - Brian

Well, I'm a little bit moved in an emotional way. 

0:15:37 - Kayla

Okay. 

0:15:40 - Brian

This next segment is about books. We're reading, but there's something about Disney that we didn't bring up last week. I want to hit real quick, then we'll go to the books. Okay, we stayed on property at a very nice resort. We did Dear Disney. Would you please install proper height toilets? Our toilet was for elementary school children, Am I right? I was not that short Baby. It was six inches off the floor. I almost popped a knee. 

0:16:12 - Kayla

It wasn't that bad. 

0:16:13 - Brian

And then we come home and we got king-size toilets and I'm getting leg cramps because I'm used to having to squat what's wrong. You haven't been through that. Oh my gosh, what I did not expect to hear this today. You don't think that toilet at Disney was? 

0:16:26 - Kayla

I did not expect to hear this today. You don't think that toilet at Disney was old? 

0:16:29 - Brian

Well, I mean, it was a little low to the ground, but I mean, I almost had to have you come in here and pick me up a few times. 

0:16:35 - Kayla

You have a commercial grade toilet at home so you're a little bit spoiled, but it was friends, it was a normal toilet. I will say it was not a kindergarten classroom. And again, if you know, you know that was not a normal sized toilet. 

0:16:49 - Brian

Yes, it was yeah for a fifth grader. Do you feel better now?

0:16:52 - Kayla

Yes, Okay, they're not going to change. 

I hate to tell you. So what are we reading? Well, this will just be like a quick hit. Someone asked me the other day. They said you haven't told us lately what you're reading, and I miss that. So one of the books I'm reading is a book by Lysa TerKeurst. It's good boundaries and goodbyes. Loving others without losing the best of who you are and y'all you've heard me talk about this before. Boundaries are a big deal to me because I carried a lot of false narratives for a long time about who I was supposed to be to please other people, and usually the people without boundaries are people pleasers. So this has been a fantastic read so far. 

0:17:49 - Brian

Character Matters and Other Life Lessons from George HW Bush by his chief of staff after he left the presidency, named Gene Becker. The book is fantastic. You read me a few excerpts from this, and it's full of stories about the 41st president. Yeah, y'all get that book. You will laugh, you will cry. It is fantastic. 

0:18:09 - Kayla

Another book I'm reading is it's an actual Bible study book. Our women's group is going through it on Tuesdays. It's, I believe it's, 10 chapters. Each chapter is standalone. So if you have a women's group that is looking for a book that you could do with your group. It's called Identity Theft Reclaiming the Truth of Our Identity in Christ, and it has been a real refresher to me of things that the false narratives that we tend to tell ourselves when our actual identity is in him. This past week we talked about how we don't think we are enough in Christ that we feel like it's this plus this equals. And this has been a great book, just a good reminder to all of us of whose we are. 

0:19:01 - Brian

I'm reading Eric Larson's latest release called the Demon of Unrest, and it's the story of Fort Sumter during the Civil War and that's how the Civil War started, is that? And it has Lincoln in it. It's a true story and it's about the whole start of the Civil War and they call that particular area in this particular conflict. You know, that's the whole demon of. 

0:19:27 - Kayla

Uncast. Oh, okay, that's what that means. So I have to give a shout out to my Joy FM friends and they have me hooked on a series and, yes, it's a thriller. 

0:19:39 - Brian

Now let me just say this about these Joy FM friends you got to keep a good eye on them. Okay, Stop. 

0:19:46 - Kayla

I love them, but you got to keep a good eye on them. But I'm reading a book by Frida McFadden called the House Maid. What's her name? Frida McFadden. 

0:19:51 - Brian

I guarantee you that's got to be a ghost name. It's a ghost.

0:19:53 - Kayla

No, she actually writes it oh she writes it. 

0:19:56 - Brian

It's a stage name. 

0:19:57 - Kayla

Yes, but it's about a maid who moves into her house, and I won't say any more than that. I'm not saying anything, I don't want to give anything away, but thank you, to my joy from friends, they've gifted me my latest murder mystery. 

0:20:16 - Brian

We Christian people read a lot about death. I'm just going to tell you how do you die? Well, read the book. The last book I'm reading is John Maxwell's High Road Leadership. It's about always taking the higher road to be the better person to treat people right Cool. And it's very challenging but also very inspiring. 

0:20:40 - Kayla

Yeah, and the last one I'm reading for now is by Will Gadara. It's Unreasonable Hospitality. I love this book, and it may end up being my book of the year. 

0:20:52 - Brian

It's pretty good. 

0:20:53 - Kayla

It's an incredible read, but if you work in any kind of customer experience, you need to read this book. 

0:21:02 - Brian

I agree, hey, we got a peas and carrots coffee mug here. We have some notepads. We have some book. I agree, hey, we got a Peas and Carrots coffee mug here. 

0:21:07 - Kayla

We have some notepads. 

0:21:08 - Brian

We have some stickers, some pens. 

0:21:11 - Kayla

And you could win all that? Yes, you could, by answering a question. That question is. What are you reading? 

0:21:18 - Brian

Okay, to do that, you go to our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you get there, you click on. 

0:21:26 - Kayla

Look for the trivia button. Click the trivia button again. Go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Click that button. Answer the question. We want to know what are you reading? And y'all we're going to assume you're reading the Bible, because we are too, but we want to know something else that you're reading. So we get it. You love Jesus. We do as well, but share with us something we should read. 

0:21:52 - Brian

So go to the peasandcarrotspodcast.com and just click the trivia button and tell us what are you reading. Hey, thanks for listening to this week's edition of the peas and carrots podcast. 

0:22:01 - Kayla

You can search peas and carrots podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or again visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you do, please don't forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

0:22:12 - Brian

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. One final note I'm waiting on that little survey to come from Disney about what we loved and didn't like. 

0:22:22 - Kayla

They closed the survey. 

0:22:23 - Brian

I did not get to tell them about the toilet. Nope, what we loved and didn't like. They closed the survey. I did not get to tell them about the toilet. Nope, I am calling that hotel.

0:22:33 - Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life's not perfect. That's why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.