Season 3, Episode 24: Enjoy this Best of Peas and Carrots! I Can't Believe You Said That

Join the conversation of this episode to see where you fall in a few of our unpopular opinions. A "Best of Peas and Carrots Podcast"! 

Transcript

00:00 - Introduction
We go together like peas and carrots! The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

00:10 - Kayla (Host)
Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. 

00:13 - Brian (Host)
I'm. 

00:13 - Kayla (Host)
Brian and I'm Kayla. How you doing? 

00:16 - Brian (Host)
Well, I have a confession to make oh, are you gonna be a Netflix documentary? Do I need to get well? Well, I hope not, okay. 

00:23 - Kayla (Host)
But the plant assassin is back. Y'all I need to clarify. No, you don't need to. 

00:30 - Brian (Host)
You kill plants. 

00:31 - Kayla (Host)
The house plants that I bought are doing very well. Okay, yes, so we have referenced an ant problem. 

00:40 - Brian (Host)
No, no, no, no, no. Here's what you're saying. It's okay if you kill outside plants, but you're doing great with those that live in the house. 

00:46 - Kayla (Host)
I would like a moment to defend myself, your honor. Okay, I love hibiscus and you do too. They're beautiful flowers, they're great plants, but we have discovered what is attracting ants. It was the hibiscus plants. So I Googled, which was my first mistake, and it said to do a mixture of vinegar and water. Why do you trust Google? Well, I don't. Now, Okay. But I used vinegar and water on the plant, which supposedly would kill the ants. Good news it did. 

01:24 - Brian (Host)
But it also. 

01:25 - Kayla (Host)
But it killed the plants. 

01:27 - Brian (Host)
Now if this was a court setting here's what. I'd hear your Honor. We recommend that, ms Sanders, only have children in the house, that they never go outside. Okay, that's a little harsh, but justified Do you ever hear, like when you go to Lowe's and buy plants? Do you ever hear them screaming? As you walk out, they whimper a little bit yeah. 

01:46 - Kayla (Host)
But here we are. So lesson we will enjoy hibiscus at other people's homes and in other people's yards. The ants are back for some reason. I think it's the heat, I don't know. I was so proud because we haven't had ants for two weeks. 

02:02 - Brian (Host)
You keep a very clean home. 

02:03 - Kayla (Host)
I do, but this is really frustrating me. 

02:06 - Brian (Host)
Here we are, and when we talk about ants, we're talking like three or four. 

02:09 - Kayla (Host)
We're not talking like hundreds. No, it's not like a colony or anything. 

02:13 - Brian (Host)
There's one somewhere. 

02:15 - Introduction (Host)
So we went to the Biltmore. 

02:17 - Brian (Host)
We took a few days off and went down to Asheville, North Carolina. Now, this is a way that folks down there talk ashville, north carolina. Okay, it was really nice, it was beautiful, we stayed on the property. 

02:29 - Kayla (Host)
I do not recommend it to families with small children. Oh, it's a. It's a wonderful house, it's an amazing experience but it's very adult but it is. It is and I mean for us, four hours in the gardens was incredible. Okay For one of us, but I think after an hour or so. 

02:51 - Brian (Host)
How many flowers can you look at? 

02:53 - Kayla (Host)
A lot. I proved that. 

02:56 - Brian (Host)
I wish I'd flown your friend Wanda in to go with you through the gardens. 

02:59 - Kayla (Host)
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it was lovely. 

03:03 - Brian (Host)
They have great meals there. I will say this I was very impressed because I have all these food allergies. Yeah, now, and for those of you who are new to the podcast had to get tested and out of the 50 things that they tested me for, I was allergic to 49 49, so I have to be very careful and we had these little business cards printed up that have my allergies on them, and the staff was very helpful. Yeah, nobody shamed me, which was very concerned. 

03:33 - Kayla (Host)
Yes, our friend Deborah told you she also has tons of allergies and she told you to have some cards made that list all of your allergies and what we learned to do, which was amazing anytime we went to a sit-down restaurant and we could not control the food that was being served, you would hand them your card and then say this is the menu item that I'm leaning toward. Is this something the chef can make that, say, and there was not one situation where they could not accommodate you? It's great. 

04:10 - Brian (Host)
It's great At the same time. Let me just. Let me just say this Raspberry sorbet has become my bestie. I really can't do ice cream anymore because of the ingredients that are in it I'm allergic to, but raspberry sorbet by this company that's called Talenti. 

04:26 - Kayla (Host)
And you even found bars. Yeah, they have sorbet bars. 

04:30 - Brian (Host)
Sorbet bars now and wonderful so those of our, yeah, so, yeah. So we had a great time we. 

04:36 - Kayla (Host)
I'd highly recommend uh it's a great couples getaway yeah. 

04:41 - Brian (Host)
Beautiful way. 

04:46 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, beautiful, I did get tickled at you. I have to tell on you what. So we're in the house and god smiled on us because, keep in mind, it's the weekend of july 4th oh, there's no air condition and there's no ac in the home because as rich as these people were and they had electricity. Back then somebody could have sprung for for a windy unit it was nicely overcast the day we went, so it was cooler. 

05:04 - Brian (Host)
Yeah, I measure trying to figure out what you're about to tell on me. 

05:08 - Kayla (Host)
well, there were lots of stairs and we had to go up to the third floor and then down to the basement and then back up to the main floor and we get back to the hotel. And you looked at me and you disgustedly looked at your watch and said it only gave me credit for two sets of stairs. I was so angry, you were so upset, oh I was so upset man, I mean, I hauled my hiney in all over yes. 

05:37 - Brian (Host)
How does that thing only say you only walked two flights of stairs. I have walked 937 steps. I counted them. I counted them, I counted them. 

05:48 - Kayla (Host)
Not still bitter, are you? 

05:49 - Brian (Host)
Bitter party of one. Your table's ready. Bitter party of one. Yeah, my table's ready. But yeah, we would highly recommend going and the restaurants on property are excellent. 

06:00 - Kayla (Host)
Five star. 

06:01 - Brian (Host)
Yeah, really, really good. So, yeah, check it out. Well, we have talked about this topic before. We're going to talk about grief, but we thought it might be good to revisit it, because one it's something that's always with you if you've lost somebody. 

06:22 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah. 

06:23 - Brian (Host)
And it's something that we still struggle with. So Miss Kayla has lost her dad. He's been gone. 

06:31 - Kayla (Host)
Nine years, nine years. Kayla has lost her dad. He's been gone nine years, as of November. 

06:35 - Brian (Host)
And then we lost my dad in August 2018, I believe so five years next month and this might seem odd for some of y'all, but we lost our most precious pup. His name was Sprocket almost a year to the day that we lost my dad. 

06:52 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah. 

06:53 - Brian (Host)
So grief is something that we still deal with. 

06:58 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, the calendar I've said this before the calendar can be very loud sometimes and I've noticed something about us and several other dear people to us when an anniversary of sorts is coming up, there's a change in our temperament, there's a change in how we are handling things, or how they're gonna even be a cloud over the house. 

07:24
Yeah, it's like we we may just become very quiet or kind of not as jovial as normal and things will irritate us that normally don't. I've noticed that in both of us and I've noticed it in some dear friends and family members who've also sat with grief. It's as if the leading up to you're dreading. 

07:47 - Brian (Host)
It's the dread you're dreading. 

07:48 - Kayla (Host)
It's the dread You're dreading this anniversary, the day of ends up kind of being oh okay, that happened, but it's the weeks coming up to. So we talked about coming back to this topic, because what we're realizing is grief doesn't go away, it evolves, but it's kind of like a marathon, not a sprint. You're not done with it after a short amount of time or a season. 

08:19 - Brian (Host)
And let me say this too regarding grief is you don't get over it, but you kind of build a new life around it. 

08:28 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, the shock of it hopefully starts to wear off and it doesn't stop hurting. The ache is always there, but what I have found is that in time you can be air quote okay, but the simplest moments can bring back that soul crushing reality that your loved one is gone, y'all. I stalked someone in the grocery store because his cologne smelled like my dad. It's a little awkward. He didn't know it, thank God. He probably was like why is this woman going down every aisle that I'm going down? But there'll be just triggers that remind you of that person. Or I know for you, when you're watching golf or watching football, what do you want to do? I? 

09:16 - Brian (Host)
want to text dad. Yeah, and dad was a huge bass fisherman. He would fish almost every single day and we will be like checking out at Kroger and there's a section of gift cards and you'll see a gift card for sale that says Bass. 

09:32 - Kayla (Host)
Pro Shop. 

09:32 - Brian (Host)
Yeah, and I will just get this way because we went there with him all the time. Or sometimes, on Saturday morning they'll be airing a fishing tournament and I'll watch that for a few minutes. 

09:44 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah. Just to feel close to it. 

09:47 - Brian (Host)
Yeah, it's stupid, but it's like there's a connection there. I want to say this too Don't shy away from talking about the person that's passed. It actually helps because you can't ignore the pain. So just talk about the person. We still talk about Sprocket, our dog. We have some friends who had a painting done of him and it just helps us. 

10:10 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, he was crazy and he gave us many, many stories. So, yeah, and I think in doing that, you kind of help the person who's grieving to feel seen and their loved one to still be seen, even though they're gone. You haven't forgotten that person. So it's a good way of honoring both and take some of it really does. The first time I tried to do this I felt very, very awkward, but I saw the look of recognition on my friend's face and it was as if, wow, you really do, you do remember her. 

10:49 - Brian (Host)
I'll also tell you this choose to find hope. Now, this is odd to say Grief is something that you can't control. Their death is something that you can't control, but you can choose to find hope, and here's what I mean by that. Make a choice to read the promises of Jesus. Make a choice to like read them over and over again. Make a choice to read the promises of Jesus. Make a choice to read them over and over again. Make a choice to read the Psalms. Why? Because you need to be reminded that God's hand is still at work. You need to be reminded that he still loves you, he cares, and that one day you will see Jesus and you will see those who have passed. 

11:33 - Kayla (Host)
And as hard as it is and I say this nine years later and five years later you can see God in all things and that may look like he saved your loved one from suffering. As with your dad, it was cancer. I would not have wanted him to suffer another day, but his cancer did draw him to Christ. It could look like you get to continue the legacy of that person With my dad. A lot of who I am was shaped by him because he was my buddy growing up, was shaped by him because he was my buddy growing up, and a lot of the things that I love come directly from my dad. So see God in those things, See how that person may be living on through you or is it possible that it was God's mercy at play? But also there's the promise that one day you will hopefully be reunited with them. So that's the ultimate hope. 

12:38 - Brian (Host)
And you need to be reminded of this People find pain to be repelling. In other words, be careful with who you share your grief with. 

12:49 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah. 

12:50 - Brian (Host)
Because not everybody is going to welcome that conversation. They find pain uncomfortable, they they find it odd. Folks don't know what to say to it. So have a very small circle of Of people that you trust, yeah, that you can share with. 

13:07 - Kayla (Host)
Hey, I'm hurting today because this person we all know who the people that you can be real with, and there are going to be different people in different situations. I am embarrassed to admit that grief was not something I understood until I experienced it. One of my dearest friends in high school lost her mom to breast cancer. One of my dearest friends in high school lost her mom to breast cancer. 

13:34
I still did not understand fully what she was walking through until I faced the loss of a parent myself. So I'm not saying that people who've never been touched by death are not helpful. They just may not have the same level of compassion or empathy that someone who's walked this road or is walking it can show. And yeah, some people just they pull back. I've seen this, you've seen this. It's hard to lean into sadness. It's not something that, like you said, it's not something that, like you said, it's not something we're comfortable with. And the whole sitting in the dirt it's hard, it's hard. 

14:17 - Brian (Host)
So and we don't like to be there. But I do think it's a way that you can, that you can show christ to somebody, and in a very viable way Also don't set a timeline. 

14:31 - Kayla (Host)
This one is so important to me. There's no magic switch that you flip that okay? 

14:37 - Brian (Host)
well, you're going to be happy now. You've grieved long enough. It's been a year, so cheer up. 

14:42 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, because we all handle loss in different ways. I whisper a couple of other things to all of us. Avoid judging the person who they may not take. Two weeks off after losing their loved one, their way of coping may be to stay so busy until they are ready to deal with this. Or if someone goes dark and they need a season of not being responsible for certain things, we do well when we let people have the freedom to grieve how and for as long as they need to. Obviously, I'm not talking about people going off radar and to a place where they need someone to be checking in on them. I'm talking about giving people the freedom to sit with their feelings, to embrace perhaps a new routine for a season. I'm not saying they become a hermit and they stay under the blankets and they never come out. 

15:45 - Brian (Host)
Let me give you two different extremes on this, two different stories. Abraham Lincoln and his wife, mary Todd, lost a son, willie, to typhoid. Whenever he died, she did not leave her bedroom for two weeks. Okay, that is one extreme. The other extreme, teddy Roosevelt, who became president on the same day that his daughter was born. He lost his wife in childbirth, but his mother also died 12 hours later. Yeah, okay, how did he respond? He packed his bags and he went, and he started traveling, he started doing all these things and his goal was to just outrun his grief. 

16:30 - Introduction (Host)
Yeah. 

16:31 - Brian (Host)
So there are two extremes there. You have Mary Todd, who never left her bedroom for two weeks, and Teddy Roosevelt, who went on this journey trying to outrun it. You're eventually going to have to face it. 

16:44 - Kayla (Host)
I was going to say as one who has done the outrunning and you were very patient with me. You gave me the freedom to outrun my grief. Be prepared If you are grieving or if you are walking alongside someone who's grieving, you're going to have to face it at some point. You can't outrun it forever. So if you're one of those people who's walking alongside someone that you love who's grieving, be ready to catch them, because they're going to stumble from their running at some point. 

17:15 - Brian (Host)
Whatever my dad passed away he passed away on a Thursday, service was on Saturday. I was back in the office on that next Monday. I needed that routine. 

17:26 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah. 

17:27 - Brian (Host)
I needed those people back in my life. So, as Ms Kayla said, don't let people tell you how to like navigate it, you've got to find your own way. Yeah, so good stuff, ms Kayla. 

17:38 - Kayla (Host)
Very and listen. 

17:39 - Brian (Host)
life is hard. 

17:41 - Kayla (Host)
It is, and our wish for all of our listeners is that you would never be touched by grief, but that's not reality. 

17:48 - Brian (Host)
But you have the hope of Jesus and then the resurrection. 

17:51 - Kayla (Host)
Yes, we do. Let's shift gears. That was a very heavy topic. Let's have a little fun with some unpopular opinions. 

18:03 - Brian (Host)
A lot of you about to get upset. Well, maybe not, we're going to get a lot of email on this. 

18:07 - Kayla (Host)
I'm sure this will invoke some conversation, but they might agree with us on some of these. 

18:12 - Brian (Host)
Okay, you ready? I'm going to go first. Okay, cold is better than hot, temperature wise. I agree on this premise here we go I actually agree with you. 

18:24 - Kayla (Host)
You can put on more clothes if you're cold. You can. You can only take off so much. 

18:29 - Brian (Host)
Well. 

18:30 - Kayla (Host)
And be socially appropriate. Just saying, just saying Appropriate. There you go. Okay, here's one. Okay, the book is always better than the movie. 

18:41 - Brian (Host)
Disagree. 

18:42 - Kayla (Host)
Of course you do, because there's Star Wars there you go. 

18:46 - Brian (Host)
I knew it Well, because sometimes that what I want to say. 

18:50 - Kayla (Host)
Uh-huh, okay, this next one, harry. 

18:52 - Brian (Host)
Potter for me is better as a movie. 

18:55 - Kayla (Host)
Oh, okay. 

18:58 - Brian (Host)
Because stuff comes to life. 

19:00 - Kayla (Host)
But the books, okay, never mind, all right. 

19:02 - Brian (Host)
Here we go. 

19:03 - Kayla (Host)
This one. You're really going to age yourself, but go ahead. 

19:06 - Brian (Host)
Songs are better with lyrics that I can hear and understand. I am that old, crotchety white man. I need to hear the lyrics. I need to hear what's being sung. I don't need the music to be so loud that I can't hear it. 

19:20 - Kayla (Host)
I do find myself Googling song lyrics now Really so yeah. 

19:24 - Brian (Host)
We know we've also reached that age where when you go in a grocery store you know they're playing you jam, yeah, and it's like I'm humming along. 

19:31 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, I caught myself doing that the other day. I was yeah, okay, here we go. 

19:36 - Brian (Host)
Okay. 

19:38 - Kayla (Host)
Dogs are superior to cats. 

19:40 - Brian (Host)
Amen. Dogs go to heaven, cats go to hell. 

19:43 - Kayla (Host)
Oh, well, that escalates. 

19:45 - Brian (Host)
That's in the Bible. I'm all about a good puppy dog. Cats have this superiority complex. It's like they rule the world. 

19:52 - Kayla (Host)
They also have claws. 

19:53 - Brian (Host)
Well, they do, yeah, but it's just. It's like they're moody and they walk around like they own the joint. 

20:01 - Kayla (Host)
Our dog always met me at the door. Our cat hissed at me. So there you go, just saying Moving on. 

20:11 - Brian (Host)
There's some moms listening that says I have teenagers like that. All right, Fish is better fried than grilled or baked. 

20:22 - Kayla (Host)
Oh, I would agree, unless you have some really good grilled salmon, okay, or even some grilled shrimp. See, now I want seafood Anyway. 

20:34 - Brian (Host)
Shrimp is not a fish, is it Really? Is a crustacean a fish? Huh Are you kidding. Shrimp isn't a fish, is it? 

20:43 - Kayla (Host)
What would you call it? It's in the sea. It's a crustacean. 

20:46 - Brian (Host)
Well, not everything in the sea is a fish. Well, that's true. Okay, I don't know, it probably is going. We'll have to research this and get back on. 

20:55 - Kayla (Host)
I don't think it's a fish. Oh my God, moving on, french fries are better than tater tots or onion rings. 

21:04 - Introduction (Host)
Okay. 

21:06 - Brian (Host)
Y'all. Onion rings are manna from heaven? Yes, they are, but I do love a good fry. A they are, but I do love a good fry, a good French fry, but I also love a good onion ring, but I really can't have them. 

21:18 - Kayla (Host)
All right, you're about to go nuclear with this next one iPhones are better than Androids and Macs are better than PCs. You would die on that hill, wouldn't you I? 

21:30 - Brian (Host)
would die on that hill. Yep, I believe that that's. 

21:32 - Kayla (Host)
You judge new team members when they ask for a PC instead of a. 

21:35 - Brian (Host)
Mac, I'm not going to say I judge them A little bit. 

21:37 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, you do, but I'm like and you raz them if they don't have iFile. 

21:40 - Brian (Host)
Your potential might be stilted if you own an Android or a PC instead of a Mac. 

21:46 - Kayla (Host)
Okay, so this one. I have to give the disclaimer that I usually am a bedmaker, so this isn't coming from a place of I don't do this. But after years of rebelling against this, I actually like a made bed. But I have to say, people who make their bed every day aren't more structured, nor do they have a leg up on other people. 

22:10 - Brian (Host)
I don't care. Let me just say this I'd rather have it unmade. It's easier to get back. 

22:16 - Kayla (Host)
I'm getting back into it, you know, and some say it's better not to make it because of like germs and things like that, that it airs out during the day. 

22:25 - Introduction (Host)
That's a gross thought, if you think about, it. 

22:27 - Kayla (Host)
Yeah, seriously some camps I didn't know there's germs on the bed. There's bugs, I don't sleep. What, yeah? I mean there's all kind of microbes. 

22:41 - Brian (Host)
And anyway, what was that stat? We read that the average person, while you're sleeping, swallows like six spiders a year. 

22:48 - Kayla (Host)
A year, yes, or in their lifetime. 

22:51 - Brian (Host)
No, in a year you usually swallow six spiders. 

22:53 - Kayla (Host)
No stop, I'll have nightmares, okay. 

22:57 - Brian (Host)
Your final one. Thank God for my CPAP mask. God, they can't get in there. I'll sleep again in two weeks I'm going to upset a few people. 

23:05 - Kayla (Host)
Here we go. 

23:06 - Brian (Host)
Star Wars is better than Star Trek. Now, I like Star Trek, it's fine, but Star Wars is superior to it. 

23:14 - Kayla (Host)
There is no more shocking statement that you ever could have given, so I would have been really disappointed in you if that was not on your list, america is better than England. 

23:24 - Brian (Host)
How's that? My final one she's not going to touch that. She's going to let it lay there. We're going to stay married today, so I'm leaving that alone. Is this how it's going to be? 

23:35 - Kayla (Host)
Hashtag rude you can't buy happiness. 

23:40 - Brian (Host)
But you can buy tacos and that's pretty much the same thing. 

23:43 - Kayla (Host)
Oh word, here we go. 

23:44 - Brian (Host)
But I agree, you can't buy happiness. 

23:49 - Kayla (Host)
And some people spend their entire life trying. 

23:58 - Brian (Host)
And it's interesting because we often say in this vernacular like well, I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to buy me a happy. 

24:06 - Kayla (Host)
No, you're really just buying something to fill a hole that needs something else, but that's a whole other issue. But speaking of something that will make you happy, oh, you could win a coffee mug. Yes, you could, yeah, and we've had some really fun winners lately. So thank you to those who have answered our trivia question. You can go to our website and you'll see that there is a trivia button. Click that. What is our website b? 

24:29 - Brian (Host)
peas andcastcom. You go there and you click the button that says trivia. 

24:35 - Kayla (Host)
What is the question this week? 

24:36 - Brian (Host)
Which camp do I fall in, iphone or Android? It's the same question as good or evil. Okay, whoa. So which camp do I fall in, iphone or Android? You go to our website, peasandcarrotspodcastcom and you click the trivia button. 

24:51 - Kayla (Host)
There you go, there you go. Answer that question. You can search the peas and carrots podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Visit our website again. That's peasandcarrotspodcastcom. When you do, please don't forget to subscribe to the podcast you can also follow us on facebook and instagram. 

25:07 - Brian (Host)
Just search for the peas and carrots podcastcom. Listen carefully, we're about to say you're ready. 

25:12 - Kayla (Host)
Oh dear. 

25:13 - Brian (Host)
May the force be with you. 

25:15 - Kayla (Host)
And with you. 

25:16 - Introduction (Host)
Thank you For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit Peas and Carrots Podcast dot com. 

25:27 - Conclusion (Host)
Looking for another great podcast. Jesus Fix it with Seth and Jess is about finding your way through the clutter, perhaps having some laughs along the way. The Christian walk doesn't always come wrapped in nice, pretty packaging, so count on Seth and Jess to keep it real. Search for Jesus Fix it podcast today.