Season 3, Episode 28: Highs & Lows

Reflections on 31 years. 

Transcript

00:00 - Announcer (None)

We go together like peas and carrots the peas and carrots podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

00:11 - Kayla (None)

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. I'm Brian and I'm Kayla. Welcome to this week's edition. Oh, the Olympics. 

00:20 - Brian (None)

They're almost over, aren't they? They are well by the time this. 

00:23 - Kayla (None)

By the time this drops, I think they will have officially ended. But I forgot how much I love the Olympics. Baby, they just be. It's the power of the story. I get that it is. You forget what each athlete has overcome. 

00:41 - Brian (None)

People shouldn't be wearing this stuff. 

00:43 - Kayla (None)

Now listen, don't start this. We're keeping this family friendly and positive. 

00:50 - Brian (None)

I'm not dressing like this. 

00:52 - Kayla (None)

Think about watching those families sitting in those stands cheering for their kids and their sisters and their brothers. 

01:00 - Brian (None)

And with Snoop Dogg there next to him. 

01:02 - Kayla (None)

Oh, okay, can we just say that he is the best thing that ever happened to the olympics together are just hilarious. 

01:09 - Brian (None)

I just love watching them. I have enjoyed the swimming, some of the gymnastics I have really enjoyed that's. That's been fun, this shooting a rifle thing, I just I didn't watch any of that. It was on TV one Saturday. 

01:28 - Kayla (None)

See, that was a choice that you made, but I've just, I've been all in for this one. Not that it's any different than any other Olympics. 

01:38 - Brian (None)

And we have the closing ceremonies coming up. 

01:41 - Kayla (None)

So, yeah, not sure if we'll see those or not, because we are headed where soon To the beach we are headed to the beach. 

01:49 - Brian (None)

For our 31st wedding anniversary. 

01:52 - Kayla (None)

We are. 

01:53 - Brian (None)

We have some friends coming down to join us. 

01:54 - Kayla (None)

We do, we're going to spend a few days by ourselves, and then we have some friends coming to spend. Actually it's my bestie and her husband and they're coming to spend a few days with us and you guys are going to what? 

02:05 - Brian (None)

Go play some golf. You are Hope I can walk and move my hands the next day, Arthritis. I mean, I couldn't even. Just to be honest, I couldn't even go to the gym today because of it. 

02:21 - Kayla (None)

But I'm excited. I mean I'll tank. If you want to use Febreze, you go right ahead. 

02:25 - Brian (None)

May not help with your arthritis but you'll smell good, stop, okay, so Biofreeze. But here we are, I'm excited. I am glad we were not at the beach this week Tropical Storm Debbie has. Yeah, and the day that this episode drops the day you're listening. Well, let me just say this the day that this episode drops, the day you're listening. 

02:49 - Kayla (None)

Well, let me just say this Not the day that you're listening to it, possibly, but the day this episode drops, we will celebrate 31 years of marriage. 

02:54 - Brian (None)

Yeah, I asked you what could I get you for our 31st wedding anniversary. What was your answer? You. 

03:02 - Kayla (None)

No, it's not what you said. That is what I said you said get me to the beach. To spend time with you Okay that's sweet. 

03:09 - Brian (None)

I looked up what the 31st wedding anniversary gift is and it's not very exciting. 

03:13 - Kayla (None)

What is it? I'm curious. I can't remember now. Oh, it was that good. 

03:16 - Brian (None)

It was not a good. I mean, I'll get you. 

03:19 - Kayla (None)

No, we had this conversation. It drives me crazy when you spend big money on flowers and then I have to throw them away and it makes my heart hurt. 

03:29 - Brian (None)

Oh, pearls, I forgot. 

03:31 - Kayla (None)

Pearls? Oh Well, I already have those, that's why. So there we go, happy anniversary. 

03:38 - Brian (None)

I mean, they're not exciting to me, but you like them, yeah. So yeah, happy anniversary, darling. I'd do it all over again. 

03:44 - Kayla (None)

Me too. There is a quote we shared on a recent podcast that our entire team had come together and we had summer camp together. We delightfully spent three hours with Dr Natalie Pickering and she walked us through the Enneagram During that time. She shared this quote with us and it has stuck with you and I. Everything that irritates us about others illuminates something about ourselves. 

04:22 - Brian (None)

Lord, yes. 

04:24 - Kayla (None)

And we've been kind of chewing over that you even actually you had our team discuss it this week in like their daily morning thoughts. How is this true? 

04:38 - Brian (None)

It's true, because there are certain things in other people that drive me up a wall. Certain things in other people drive me up a wall. And it's true. It's true for every single one of us, because I don't want to say this. It's like sandpaper. It's like that particular characteristics of that person. It gets up next to you and it's like sandpaper, just rubbing up against you. 

05:02 - Kayla (None)

Yeah, and so but often it's as if God is holding up a mirror to us and the things that are irritating us are because we really know about ourselves. It may be a trait that we've either had and we're working on, or it's something we don't really want to have to admit to. 

05:22 - Brian (None)

For example, if there's somebody who how do I say this? Something that aggravates me about somebody else, will often expose arrogance on my part, that like I just want to say to people sometimes, would you just shut up? You have been talking for 60 minutes, do you not? I mean, do you have gills? Are you breathing? Just shut up. And part of that is one, I'm mentally worn out. But also two, it reveals my heart that like I'd like to say something. And how arrogant is that of me to say something, and how arrogant is that of me. So it reminds me of when Jesus said don't worry about the speck in your neighbor's eye, worry about the log that's like in your own. And sometimes I think what happens is that speck is like sandpaper. Yeah, and it irritates something and the question becomes. 

06:31

Why is that irritating me? Why is that? Why does that particular person and that particular topic irritate me? Well, let's just say this one it could just be that they're stupid or that they're wrong or something like that, but usually it's a little deeper than that, because it's revealing something in me, that there's an arrogance, that there's a lack of dependence, that my heart may not be open to certain things. So for me that's been a big revelation and I don't like to live there because I like my comfort and I also like to be right, and I just confess that. 

07:14 - Kayla (None)

Yeah, none of us likes to have to Do kind of a self-assessment, and this quote sent us in that direction that there are situations where we lose patience with others, or we're easily angered, or maybe we are worrying about things that aren't ours to worry about, or am I being self-righteous? Or am I being self-righteous? Or perhaps I'm projecting my own values onto someone else in a situation? Well, this reminded me that in those moments, I need to pause and ask myself what's the motive behind why I'm acting the way I'm acting? Is it because I'm feeling a rebellious streak, because they've shown me something about myself that I don't want to own, or is it as simple as I thought I had outgrown that? 

08:16 - Brian (None)

Now we're talking about a whole negative side here. Now there could be a positive side. 

08:21 - Kayla (None)

Oh, absolutely, yeah, no, I was going to go there, right yeah. 

08:24 - Brian (None)

Like because we've both. I mean, let me say this I went very heavy on the whole negative side. Now, if there's somebody who is beating you up mentally and yeah. They're like abusing you. You know I'm talking about and you feel a certain way. Do not sit there and say well, there is something wrong with me. Well, there is something wrong with me. No, there's something wrong with that person yeah. Yeah, so please don't hear what I'm saying at all as a justification for somebody to mistreat you. 

08:58 - Kayla (None)

Absolutely and truthfully. We were going to get there in just a second. There are situations where the Lord can use other people to help us grow, to grow in grace, to grow in our own responses, to grow in how we would then react to something. Whereas I may have reacted totally different five or 10 years ago, the Lord may use that person to help me be a better version of myself the next time I may see something modeled to me that I want to emulate. So it's not just a matter of running away from things. Sometimes it's a running towards a good behavior or a good decision. That's a great point, and so there is that. But this quote I think the quote itself lends to admitting the hard stuff. 

09:53 - Brian (None)

I like what you just said. That is a big one. I mean, you've just blown my mind literally that sometimes what I see in like somebody else, I need that in me and so that kind of pricks at my heart or rubs me but yet I need that and I want that. That's hard for like me to admit Now I'm going to be honest, but that's great insight, I mean someone who doesn't worry about. You ought to be a psychologist. Oh shoot, Because you're actually fixing me on these podcasts. I see what you're doing here. 

10:28 - Kayla (None)

It took 31 years. 

10:29 - Brian (None)

Oh, stop it. 

10:32 - Kayla (None)

It's easy for me to worry. I love being around people who have the capability to not worry about tomorrow. 

10:41 - Brian (None)

I don't, I don't like being around those people. 

10:44 - Kayla (None)

Why. 

10:46 - Brian (None)

There's a comet headed to Earth to hit us and they're just sitting around knitting pictures of dogs or something. No, I want somebody working on a solution. I want so. 

10:58 - Kayla (None)

I need them to. That mind of yours is a very strange place. So I worry, I just don't. 

11:02 - Brian (None)

So I worry. I just don't express the worry. I like being around people who have a grasp of like reality. 

11:09 - Kayla (None)

Well, that's a given. These are people who they have seen the track record of God and they're willing to trust that, just as he has the today, he has the tomorrow, and those are the people that I wish I could be more like Now. The people that drive me crazy are the ones who can find something wrong in every good situation. 

11:36 - Brian (None)

Oh, my word. 

11:37 - Kayla (None)

And those are the ones that. 

11:39 - Brian (None)

Those are the ones I want a horse with. 

11:41 - Kayla (None)

But then I still have to ask myself why is that getting next to me? And maybe it is just as simple as emulate the good stuff and be mindful of the things that don't glorify God or make me more like him. And that sounds very easy, but it's not. 

12:06 - Brian (None)

You are blowing my mind this afternoon. This is incredible. 

12:10 - Kayla (None)

It's tough stuff. I mean, you've had us thinking about it all week. 

12:14 - Brian (None)

I mean you're dropping truth bomb after just I don't know Truth bomb here. 

12:19 - Kayla (None)

But there was another point that you shared with me, though, and this one's this one's pretty much a truth bomb in itself. 

12:26 - Brian (None)

The irritation from others reveals oftentimes my own selfishness. In other words, I'm revealing that my world has to be set up in just a certain way so I have complete peace and no aggravation at all in my life. Oh, how selfish I am. Why are you looking? She won't even look at me right now. Why won't you even look at me? Because this is true, isn't it? 

12:54 - Kayla (None)

It's all of us. 

12:56 - Brian (None)

I think I'm a little bit more extra. 

12:59 - Kayla (None)

I don't think so. I'm a little extra. Unless you're just one of those people who chases drama for sport. 

13:06 - Brian (None)

Oh, is that me? This is all of us. Is that me? No? 

13:11 - Kayla (None)

You hit it with a bat. 

13:14 - Brian (None)

The drama, not the person. 

13:16 - Kayla (None)

Well, yeah, definitely worth clarifying. 

13:19 - Brian (None)

I like peace, I like happiness, I like there to be no aggravation. Now, if it's fun, I'm in for it, but if it's somebody just looking for drama, yeah, let me ask this what happens when we refuse to see ourselves rightly? You treat other people wrongly. Yep and you treat other people wrongly and you live in such a way that you cannot be as effective as you need to be. And let me say this you will never see yourself 100% objectively. Nope, I don't care how it works. 

13:58 - Kayla (None)

That's why you need a Bible study group, a home fellowship group, a church, a Sunday school class, yes, a best friend who is brave enough to look at you and say this version of you is not your best self. I find that when I become overly critical, there is something in me that I'm running away from. 

14:18 - Brian (None)

Ice cream. 

14:20 - Kayla (None)

What. 

14:22 - Brian (None)

You should run toward ice cream, is what I'm saying. Go ahead, but I'm just, I'm just trying to okay, go ahead what are you running away from? 

14:30 - Kayla (None)

yes, if I'm being overly critical, it's running away from something I don't want to have to deal with in myself. So for all of us, there's that moment where we have to be willing to hit pause and ask ourself why am I acting like this? And perhaps it's that I don't want to have to see myself rightly To her point. What's that sandpaper that you referred to? What's causing the friction? Is that something's being illuminated that we want to keep in the dark? Yes, that I don't want to keep in the dark. 

15:04 - Brian (None)

Yes, that I don't want to have to deal with. I just want all happy and just all kumbaya. 

15:12 - Kayla (None)

So the solution for all of this, we just said it Surround yourself with people who are willing to speak truth into you, the right people.

15:20 - Brian (None)

And when something aggravates, you take a pause, investigate your own heart and make sure it's not something that the Lord's trying to work on your heart about. I mean, there's a million things in my heart he's trying to work on, but I just kind of put a padlock and eat ice cream is how I try. 

15:37 - Kayla (None)

You really need some ice cream today, don't you? No, I don't know. 

15:39 - Announcer (None)

That's the third time. 

15:40 - Kayla (None)

I think you've said ice cream. 

15:41 - Brian (None)

Is it Maybe, I think that's inspired of Jesus, right there, that we do that. 

15:46 - Kayla (None)

Here's the truth All of us are on equal footing when it comes to the things that need to be illuminated, and that's why we have Christ, because none of us is going to get it perfectly right anytime we try. And as he's revealing to us the things that we need to be irritated about with ourselves, may we take it to them and ask him for the strength to help us overcome. 

16:17 - Brian (None)

Wow, I got nothing to add. 

16:21 - Kayla (None)

That's powerful. A little game of high and low. 

16:26 - Brian (None)

Is this how to reveal my weight at its highest? If it is, I'm out. This is going to be the shortest podcast we've ever done. I am not. No, you know, at the county fair, when you're walking up and there's that guy barking, hey, step up here. You know, I will guess your weight and if I'm wrong you get a stuffed animal. 

16:43 - Kayla (None)

No, that's not this kind of high low. Okay, wrong, you get a. No, that's not this kind of high low. Okay, you've either had too much caffeine today? 

16:49 - Brian (None)

no, but yeah, I tried that, I actually tried that, and that guy said no, no, no, no, don't you walk up here, but that's a whole, stop it. So anyway, highs and lows highs and lows. 

16:57 - Kayla (None)

I will start okay a high our first date through our wedding. I have some amazing core memories of dating and getting to know you and our whole time together, of learning about each other, sharing our life in the early days. 

17:19 - Brian (None)

You've thrown away my pink blanket. 

17:20 - Kayla (None)

We've already had this conversation. I should write that down. That's not a high. 

17:24 - Brian (None)

That's a low pink blanket. Go ahead. 

17:27 - Kayla (None)

I'm'm gonna have a low for you here in a minute. Let's go ahead are you done? 

17:33 - Brian (None)

I'm done. 

17:34 - Kayla (None)

I apologize a low the day we found out that we couldn't have children. What was a high for you, oh? 

17:43 - Brian (None)

you're getting me emotional. Uh, the first time I saw you walking in the office and you're sitting behind that desk and I've told this story a million times I just I was smitten, I was gone. I actually walked back to my friend's office One of my best friends stand and went in his office, shut the door, said I have to kiss that girl or else I will die. I was smitten, done. 

18:07 - Kayla (None)

I mean, I had it was a while before we got there, but we got there, yeah. 

18:11 - Brian (None)

Well, I didn't want to get sued. Um hello for me was waiting on your cancer results. When you had that breast cancer scare, I was uh it was a hard season. Oh, because I couldn't imagine life without you, yeah, and having and you hurting, because I want to do everything I can to keep you from pain. That was a low. 

18:34 - Kayla (None)

Yeah, it was tough. A high Mm-hmm Our very first trip to Disney. We fell in love with Disney World. You looked at me. 

18:43 - Brian (None)

I'll never forget this. We're at that castle. You looked at me, baby, thank you for bringing me to the castle. I'll never, as long as you were such a little girl. And the second, let me say this. And then seeing you meet Winnie the Pooh, oh my gosh, yeah, you squealed like a little eight-year-old. You were just it's Winnie the Pooh, it's Winnie the Pooh. 

19:06 - Kayla (None)

Hello, the year the pandemic hit, disney closed the week we were due to visit and then we were not able to get back to Disney World for four years. It was about four years, yeah. 

19:23 - Brian (None)

Well, we're back now, baby. We are back, hi, taking you to see the Kingsman for the first time. 

19:30 - Kayla (None)

That was an experience. 

19:31 - Brian (None)

That was an experience. 

19:32 - Kayla (None)

One of my favorite. I did not grow up with gospel music. You had no idea. 

19:37 - Brian (None)

And then along that same train, there was a singer in the Kingsman for years, his name was Jim Hamill and going to his funeral. 

19:47 - Kayla (None)

Was a low. That was a low for years, his name was Jim Hamill, and going to his funeral Was a low. That was a low for me. A high for me was the day we bought our first home in Virginia. I thought the same thing we had lived here for a year and a low was leaving the friends who were family to us in New. Orleans, that was tough we left a church and a friend network that honestly, I don't think we realized how good we had it until we left. 

20:12 - Brian (None)

It was incredible. 

20:14 - Kayla (None)

And that's true of all of us. You don't realize, we didn't know a soul. Yeah, but we did not realize how close-knit our life was until we got here. 

20:25 - Brian (None)

I was buying our home. Yeah, I remember sitting in that that I guess as a lawyer's office and I bet you I signed 85 I had no idea what I signed I know we could have signed away for all we know that said here, sir, you can sign this. Here, sir, you can. A low is when something breaks and I can't fix it. That's a low for me, because I it, and yet god always brings the right person. 

20:47 - Kayla (None)

I know it. 

20:48 - Brian (None)

But I should be able to do that. But I'd rather read a book than learn how to use a tool. 

20:53 - Kayla (None)

Well, that's fine. There are people who love tools. 

20:56 - Brian (None)

So there we go. 

20:57 - Kayla (None)

A high for me was your first book launch. I was so proud of you. The very month that your book launched they set up a book tour and the week of your first book tour event we lost Sprocket. I remember that, and we had to walk into this season of going around talking about your book meeting people Smiling, shaking hands. And on the inside, we were just crumbling crushed because we had just said goodbye to sprocket yeah that was our baby he was our pup so a high is disney with you and a low is just anywhere without you. 

21:41 - Brian (None)

no, it's true. I mean I I don't enjoy being away from you, I don't like it. But a high for me is going to Disney, even if it's the 100th time Watching you walk through that English village. At Epcot, you're just on cloud nine, you're just good, and that's me watching you in Star Wars. 

22:01 - Kayla (None)

Yeah, oh, I'm so excited it's going to be a little while it's going to be a little while before we get to go back. So there are some highs and lows as we embark on our I guess our 32nd year. 

22:13 - Brian (None)

Wow, they said we'd never make it. They did not. There's some of them. Well, here we are, here we are. We showed them, didn't? 

22:20 - Kayla (None)

we, who are they? 

22:22 - Brian (None)

Well, I'll tell you some names after the podcast is over. Okay, so? 

22:26 - Kayla (None)

So we have a question, oh, and this one's going to. It's going to require a little thought, okay, but if you go to our website and if you answer this question correctly, you will win a Peas and Carrots coffee mug and some stickers. 

22:40 - Brian (None)

Just like Karen from Christiansburg won this past week. Oh, she sure did. She sure did. Karen from Christiansburg picked herself up a coffee mug, a pen, a notepad and some Cute little stickers that Miss Kayla loves. 

22:55 - Kayla (None)

So this week's question if you go to our website peasandcarrotspodcastcom, look for the trivia button and you click that and you answer this question. What is a high low for you? Share with us a high low. 

23:11 - Brian (None)

And we can share some of those on the podcast. 

23:13 - Kayla (None)

We could. It would be really great to do that. 

23:15 - Brian (None)

So hey, go to our website peasandcarrotspodcastcom. Click on the trivia button to answer this question. 

23:21 - Kayla (None)

What is a high low for you? 

23:23 - Brian (None)

And when you answer that you'll get yourself a coffee mug, a pen, a notepad and some cute little stickers. 

23:30 - Kayla (None)

And we would ask you to do one other thing Please go to our Peas and Carrots Facebook or Instagram page and tag a picture of yourself drinking coffee or tea, or whatever. We'd love for you to do that and share it with us. 

23:50 - Brian (None)

You can find us on Instagram and Facebook. You sure can Just look up Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hey, thanks for listening, and you can search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcastcom. 

24:03 - Kayla (None)

When you do, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

24:06 - Brian (None)

And hey, just like we said, please go follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

24:12 - Announcer (None)

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcastcom. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That's the Jesus Fix it podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixitcom or search Jesus Fix it wherever you listen to podcasts.