Our Troubling Times

It seems like the world is blowing up and that can be a threat to your recovery. Do something to help your self cope. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Time again for the Dr. Jonathan Addiction Lifeguard Podcast. I am Dr. Johnny Baker, a psychologist, licensed professional counselor, and addiction specialist. You are suffering from addiction, misery, trauma, whatever it is. I'm here to help. You're in search of help to try to get your life back together. Join me here at the Dr. Doctor Addiction Life Guard, the Addiction Recovery Podcast. I wanted to be real clear about what this podcast is intended for. It is intended for entertainment and informational purposes, but not considered help. If you actually need real help and you're in need of help, please seek that out. If you're in dire need of help, you can go to your nearest emergency room or you can check into a rehab center or call a counselor like me and talk about your problems and work through them. But don't rely on a podcast to be that form of help. It's not. It's just a podcast. It's for entertainment and information only. So let's keep it in that light, alright? Have a good time, learn something, and then get the real help that you need from a professional. You know the world is really uh struggling right now for a lot of different reasons. We have got a disastrous experience going on, and I know a lot of people have been very, very upset, some frightened and angry, and um it's a it's a really tough time um for everybody with what's going on in the Middle East and what's going on in Ukraine, and I'm sure that it's going to be escalating. And one of the issues that comes up when stuff like this occurs is people getting very frightened, scared, and panicked, and feeling helpless. And if you have substance use disorder, you you got an addiction issue, that is definitely something to cope with, and it's a tragic kind of experience um that brings that out in us. So you know, the idea of like I had used before, the idea of moving at the speed of pain feels like the world is becoming um a big, huge disaster, a s a frightening, scary place. A lot of people are experiencing in their cities um protests and uh some violence, and we certainly have a whole bunch of stuff that's coming at us in the news, and we can start getting obsessed with it and watching it 24 hours a day, um and concerned about your loved ones. And if you do have loved ones in uh in Israel or in uh Gaza and they are either missing or, you know, whatever, we should all be very prayerful about it and and and be contemplative and pray for them and and really just let's just hope that we can not have the world blow up. But at the same time, the idea that somehow the world is ending for for those of us who have addiction, it can become very catastrophic to us, and we're risking our sobriety by um experiencing this pain and the feeling of helplessness and fear um and paranoia. And a lot of the people that are my friends, my clients, um, the people that are in recovery and other people and not in recovery are becoming very, very upset and concerned, and it seems like it always is the case. It certainly was during 9-11. Um, it has been in I'm in the Washington, D.C. area, and the the post-9-11 time period was was bad for us. We had all kinds of um uh poisonings, things going being sent through the mail. We had a uh a shooter that was just assassinating people in this area and it killed a whole bunch of people, 14 or 15 people, just random shootings, um, a sniper that was killing people. We've we've had bomb threats, we have all kinds of violence going on. And you know, to be honest, um when it's when it's either racially or religiously motivated, it becomes even more intense because we all have our feelings about that. And I think that there are genuine, valid feelings, but the fear of that and the fear that that invokes, especially when they have terrorism going on, is uh is especially troubling because we don't feel like we have much in the way of options, of ways to prevent or take care of ourselves because we don't know what's going to happen. So the paranoia and the concern about what's going on is valid. So how do you help yourself with that? How do you help other people with that? And if you have addiction, helping yourself is not getting high, getting drunk. That's not helping. That's actually hurting. So that's not the answer. But what is the answer? Well, you know, we gotta lean into our recovery, lean into those tools that help us during those times. Um, there are times when I've had uh people who are loved ones very close to me who have died and uh gotten cancer or they had heart attacks or they had things happen to them, they got in car accidents, or they they committed suicide, and it's very troubling. And at those times when I was uh in in the worst of my uh my addiction, my drinking, that's when I did it the most because I felt like that was the only thing that could help get rid of the pain, numb it out at least. And you know, you if you are in recovery and you're concerned about that, go back to the basics, man. Get back into meetings, go call up your old sponsor, go talk to the people that were around you when you were working on your recovery, and don't fall into the idea of the isolation part, you know, living living in fear in your head. That's you not doing uh what you can to help your sobriety. So that's that's you moving very slowly at the speed of pain. If you're moving too fast at the speed of pain, things are accelerating in your life, um, then that's when you need that human connection more than any more than ever, perhaps. Talking to others, being with others, um, and and sharing. So get back to the basics of go to meetings, go go get with your peers, talk to them about the things that are troubling you. That's that's an empowerment move. That's you being able to move forward and be empowered in your recovery, um, not the the helplessness. And I think also when you start to go into that uh that thinking that's that's you thinking that you are by yourself or you can't do anything about anything, all you can do is experience the bad and wait for the worst things to come up. That's problematic. So there's certain things that you can do to prevent that as well that are behavioral. Um, for example, if you are a person who is prone towards anxiety and you find yourself just glued to your television set and the news, or listening always to the news on podcasts, um, not podcasts, on uh on your phone, and you got radio stations, or you're listening to uh a satellite, radio station, a news channel, whatever. Give yourself a break for a bit. Turn it off for a while. You don't have to listen to it continuously. You don't have to be in that place where you're constantly waiting for the next worst news. I I I think it's wonderful that we have access to 24-hour news, but 24-hour news requires that you have some information coming to out the mouth of the person who's the anchor who's the newscaster. They have to be able to say something. So what they tend to do is continually repeat the same information that we used to only listen to for a half an hour each day between 6.30 and 7 on the national news, at least in this country, that's what it was. CNN started, and then we had 24-hour news. And things don't happen in 24 hour cycles, they happen in shorter bursts, but they get talked about on a 24-hour news channel, 24 hours. So maybe turn it off for a while. Give yourself a break. You have to live your life. It's much like when the experience that we had going through the coronavirus. People were glued to their television sets with the news and waiting for the next catastrophe to happen. When it was not going to happen right away, or maybe at all. But it's different if you have loved ones who are uh being exposed to what's going on, if you have loved ones in the country of Israel, um uh in in Gaza, it can be problematic. I have friends in Israel, I have people that I know, and I worry about them, and I pray for them. I can't really do much anything else, and that's it. And so I don't worry about them twenty-four hours a day. I have people that I worry about here where I am in Northern Virginia, who I know um suffer when they take this stuff on and it bothers them. Perhaps it brings out some PTSD, some post-traumatic stress disorder issues. Um some of the some of the combat vets that I know who um I work with, I know they're they're they're struggling right now because the experience that's that went on um really over the last two years with the uh pulling everything out of Afghanistan was upsetting to them, and how that was done, and now moving into where we're at with uh what's going on with Hamas and and the uh IDF um and the fighting. And it reminds them of what they went through, and they lose time and place, and that's kind of what happens when you get very upset about things, you lose time and place. So you have to get back into time and place. And if you're bombarding yourself with all this information 24 hours a day, you're not in time and place. Every every minute bleeds into the next, and it just becomes a blur. So take a break from it. You can't really do much about it if you don't have the ability to do anything about it, then take a break for a a while. Um, take you know, listen to it in bursts, expose yourself in bursts. And if you are having trouble coping, get like I said, get into meetings, get in with your peers, and share some of that, offload that that concern, that paranoia, that upset. Because if you use, you know, you're harming yourself. If you're in sobriety, you've been in it for a while, and you use, you're risking losing everything. I'm not sure how that helps anybody, right? Um, if you're early in your recovery and you're struggling, then that certainly is not going to help because it's gonna put you back where you were. So we share and we feel relief from that sharing. We carry a burden by ourselves, or we learn to let it go. There is that story, uh, it's a great recovery story of the two monks who are walking through the woods, and they come upon a stream, and it's been raining a lot, it was and so the stream is completely overflowing, and it's rather deep, it's probably three deep three feet deep, whereas before it was just a stone little little stone walkway that you could go over the the the little stream. Now it's kind of more like a river. And they see these two Buddhist monks see this woman standing on the shore, and she's crying, she's very upset. And they walk over to her to see if they can help, because they don't and they don't know what's wrong. So they talk to her and they ask her what's wrong, and she says that she has to get across the stream, but she's very elegantly dressed in very elegant clothes that are made of silk, and if she walks across the stream, she will ruin her clothing. And she says that she has a wedding that she has to go to, and that she can't get across the stream. And they're not completely familiar with the area, so they suggest that maybe there's a bridge further down the stream one way or the other, and she says there isn't. And so the two monks are listening to this, and she's very upset, and they don't know what to do, and the older monk looks at the younger monk and says, Well and then he looks over at the woman and says, I'll carry you across the stream. So she thanks the older monk profusely, and he picks her up in his arms and holds her and carries her carefully across the the stream. And on the other side of the stream, he sets her down, and she thanks him again, and the younger monk who's with him follows uh behind them, and she tries to pay them, but uh he refuses the money, and she again thanks him, and then she goes on her way, and the two, the older monk and the younger monk, go on their way. And they walk the two monks walk for another few hours and they decide they're gonna stop and rest for a bit because they're getting tired and they've been walking all day. So they sit down, and the younger monk, after sitting there for five or ten minutes or so, looks over at the older monk and says, I I am confused and bothered by something. Very troubled. And the older monk says, What is troubling you? And the younger monk says, I'm really, really troubled because we are Buddhist monks, and we take on a vow of chastity and poverty and sometimes silence, and we engage in um fasting, and we deprive ourselves of these worldly uh these worldly behaviors uh uh to show our faith. And you carried her across the river and you held her in your arms. And he said, We're not supposed to do that. And that really troubles me. It's been bothering me the whole time. And the older monk looks at the younger monk and says, Well, see, that's the difference that uh that age and wisdom will bring you. And the younger monk says, I don't understand what you're talking about. And he says, Well, I did pick up that woman, and I did hold her close to me, and I did carry her across the river, but I didn't do it because I was trying to get gratification uh for for doing it. I didn't want to get sexual gratification, and I didn't think anything about that. But it was troubling to me at the time too, because I'm not supposed to do that. I'm not supposed to touch a woman, but I didn't really have much of a choice. The only way I could help her was to do that. I couldn't do anything but. So I carried her across the stream and it bothered me, and I set her down, and she thanked me, and she went on her way, and I didn't think anything more about it. And the younger monk says, Well, that's not right. That's bothered me since you did that. I don't understand how you can just dismiss it. And he said, Well, that's what the older monk says that's what wisdom tells me is that if it's what's in my heart that matters, and what why I was doing what I was doing, and I had no choice. So I was serving her. I wasn't getting gratification from her. And it didn't bother me after I put her down because I was okay with that. And he said, So I only carried her across the stream. You've actually been carrying her for the last two hours. And that's kind of what it is with things that bother this, bother us when we are powerless and how we deal with them. And addiction is one of the things that our addiction makes us hang on to things and ruminate on things and feel horrible about things, and we cannot stop thinking about them. And so recovery is about learning how to deal with things, how to put them down and and then be at peace with what's gone on. And we certainly do that in the step work, right? I mean, we bring up all that stuff that bothers us, and we have been carrying it around. That's what step four is about, the fearless searching moral inventory of your character defects. It's all the things that were wrong and bad and that you hate about yourself and what you've done and what other people have done to you. And then through the acknowledgement of that, and especially in step five, when you're saying it out loud to yourself, another person and a God, the nature and extent of those character defects, those are the things that help us identify what we in step six and seven prepare ourselves to let go, to be lifted from us, and to then have them lifted from us and to work to continue to do that. And that is with everyday life as well, so that we can further do the mending of those fences, so to speak, in step nine. And we do that with ourselves and we do it with other people as well. So when things are going wrong in your life or the world is blowing up around you, listen, you only have two choices. You can either be sober and clean, or you can be using, and that's it. There is no in-between. It's very binary, it's ones and zeros. You're either clean and sober, or you're not. And if you're going to succumb to usage, that puts you into the or not category. And we know where that leads, right? We all do, because we've all done it. So learning to put stuff down, keeping stuff in perspective, really falls in line with that that idea of the serenity prayer of of knowing the things you can change and knowing the things that you can't change and having the wisdom to know the difference. So accepting those things, accepting what you can and can't change. You can't change what goes on in the world unless you're in that space where you can. If you were in Israel, you could, but you can't. And these people that are out there protesting and and and demonstrating, that's fine. But you know what? You're actually making things worse. And if that's what's in your heart, I I feel bad for you. Um so but accepting the things that you can change. What can you change? Well, you can change your part of the world, your little area around you. You can change that. You can change it for the better. You can be accepting of the mistakes that people make, and you can be forgiving. Of course you have to defend yourself, but you can. And so you can change that. I can leave here where I am today in my studio, and I can make somebody's life better by being pleasant, nice, caring, supportive in whatever way I c or whatever thing they're dealing with, whether it's addiction or their car's broken down, or they just need a kind word. I can give that. That's me making my difference in the world. And you can do the same. And in your sobriety, finding ways to do that. That's why going out and spreading the good news, you know, if I were to relate it to a a step, that's step twelve. You can make a difference in that way. We all have to live in this world, and so doing that, we have to be kind and caring and giving, but we have to be tough and have boundaries and be firm sometimes. But knowing when you should do that and when you need to extend more of a caring hand. So if you have a friend out there or you have a family member who is suffering, and you, as part of your recovery, you want to try to make a difference and somehow cope with your feelings. Sometimes what helps is if you go and support and care for the other person. So if somebody is suffering, be there with them, right? You know what proximity does. You know proximity is a healer. So go and be a healer in that proximity. But be close to them, be with them, so that you can some you can bring some relief to their to their world. Because that's really what that's really what helps keep you sober, right? Connectivity. Isolation is addiction's best friend. So if you're staying at home and you're feeling miserable, you're feeling helpless, you're feeling angry, resentful, that isolation that's gonna trigger you into usage, I can promise it. So, just like those Buddhist monks, you have to be able to put it down and be at peace with putting it down because you have no choice. And if you think that hanging on to it's gonna make it better, you are mistaken. It's not. It's probably gonna make it worse. So let's put let's let's pray for the people that that are suffering and the the individuals who are hostages um and are perhaps in a bad place. And let's pray for this to end quickly and soon, and let's bring some sanity back into the world. And um hopefully it will appear and show up and soon. But don't ruminate and go back into usage. Get back with your peers, get in the community, get the support, circle the wagons around you if you feel you're at risk, and if you have already started using, um again, call some people, right? Get back in touch with the people that helped you get into sobriety. It's not worth going back out just to cope, because you're gonna be in a world of pain. So I hope that helps you in these difficult and trying times, and um let's let's say that we can all work together to say to stay sane, stable, and sober. Well, that's it for this episode of Doc Shock, your addiction lifeguard. I hope you've gotten something from this podcast. I don't want to say something entertaining or fun, but these are difficult times, man. And if you need help, please go to an emergency room, call a therapist, call a psychiatrist, go to your doctor, go to a meeting, do something, but don't give up your life just to save your addiction. And if you are in really, really trouble, you can reach out for help. Fine. I wish the meetings are better today. Hopefully, it'll be better soon. And um catch the next Doc Jock, your dictionary lifeguard podcast to learn how to get same straight once over. So I do appreciate you listening, and until the next episode, this is Doc Jock, your dictionary lifeguard same. See ya.