Hold Up! It's Not About Absorbing Energy—Here's the Real Story

Have you ever wondered if being an empath means you're doomed to absorb others' emotions like a sponge? In the season two finale of the Realized Empath Podcast, we challenge that notion. We redefine empathic sensitivity as a unique ability to keenly observe and interpret emotional cues, allowing you to see this trait as a strength rather than a burden. 

Learn how regular self-check-ins and setting healthy boundaries can help empaths maintain emotional balance and prevent burnout. This episode offers a fresh perspective, transforming what it means to be empathetic in a highly sensitive world.

This enlightening finale also tackles the challenges empaths face, such as hyper-focusing on others' emotions and the toll of hypervigilance rooted in past trauma. Discover practical strategies for managing these tendencies, including setting clear intentions, practicing self-awareness, and engaging in self-care. 

We delve into grounding techniques and trauma-focused therapies like EMDR, which can bring you back to the present moment, alleviate anxiety, and foster healing. Tune in to learn how to balance compassion and support with personal emotional health, ensuring you remain resilient and well.

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Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:21

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Realized Empath Podcast. I'm Kristen and I wanted to share really quick that today is going to be the last episode of season two. I am going to take probably four or five weeks off to enjoy summer vacation with my family, so I just wanted to let you know up front, but I look forward to coming back and having more episodes at the end of the summer. So I have a question for you have you ever felt like you're just soaking up the emotions of everyone around you? So today's episode might beautifully shift your perspective about believing that you just unwillingly absorb the emotions of others. Sometimes, what feels like absorbing energy might actually be something entirely different. So join me today as we explore this thought-provoking topic, and I'm hoping that at the end of today's episode you will feel more seen, understood and have more compassion towards yourself. Have you ever stopped to wonder what you've been interpreting as absorbing energy from others could actually be something else entirely? What if this sensation is more about your deep connection to the world, a reflection of your profound emotional understanding, rather than a mere receptivity to external energies? Today I'm not here to teach you, but I want to share and I want to reflect together. What we're going to do is we'll explore the idea that perhaps our intense emotional experiences are not about absorbing others, but how deeply we process and respond to the world around us. This isn't just about understanding. It's about redefining our experiences and fostering a kind of self-compassion that enriches our lives. As we peel back the layers of what we've been taking for granted about our empathic nature, we may discover new pathways to understanding our feelings and reactions. So let's take this journey together with open hearts and minds ready to support each other in our shared quest for deeper self-knowledge and mutual empathy. So let's begin this conversation by asking ourselves what, if it's not about the energy we absorb, but how we engage with our emotions and those around us. Let's explore these possibilities and perhaps find comfort in our shared experiences and insights.

Speaker 2: 3:07

In this first segment, let's dive into a concept I like to call emotional osmosis. It's a term that might conjure images of us absorbing everything around us like a sponge, but the reality is different. Humans don't possess some energy-sucking superpower. We're not walking around pulling in emotions from everyone we pass. Instead, we are emotional observers and empathetic interpreters. Think of it this way when we're in a room full of people, it's not that we're absorbing emotions as much as we're noticing and interpreting them. Absorbing emotions as much as we're noticing and interpreting them, our empathic abilities allow us to detect subtleties in body language, tone of voice and facial expressions. It's like we're seeing, we're noticing cues that others might miss.

Speaker 2: 3:57

This sensitivity can make it feel like we're absorbing emotions, but what we're doing is reading the situation deeply and empathetically. For example, if someone tries to hide their sadness with a smile, they might accept it at face value. But when you're highly sensitive and an empath, we're going to likely notice a slight tremor in the voice or sadness in the eyes. It's not that we have taken on their sadness, but instead we recognized and were interpreting the deeper emotional truth that others might overlook. Sure, this ability can seem magical or even powerful, but it can also be misinterpreted by us. We might feel overwhelmed or emotionally loaded, not because we absorb these emotions, but because we are highly attuned to them. So it's important to know the difference between being sensitive to emotional climates from the misconception that we are passive recipients, right, that we're helplessly soaking up feelings from others that we don't want. So how can we navigate this aspect of our sensitivity without feeling overwhelmed? The first step is awareness. So you wanna recognize that your experience is more about perception and less about involuntary absorption. And by framing your ability as a skill of interpretation rather than a burden of absorption, you can begin to see it as a strength that you can manage and direct, rather than a vulnerability that controls you.

Speaker 2: 5:39

Moving on to the next segment, let's address a common challenge many empaths face, and that's hyper-focusing on others. This is when you find yourself so tuned into how others feel that you completely sideline your emotions. It's like setting your feelings on a shelf while you immerse yourself in the emotional worlds of those around you. Why do we do this? Well, for many empaths, focusing on others is sometimes easier than dealing with our own complex emotions.

Speaker 2: 6:17

A deep-seated part of us also feels a strong pull to help and heal and understand others, and this can take an expense, or have an expense, on our emotional well-being. It can create a significant imbalance, not only internally but also in our relationships. When we neglect our feelings, they don't just disappear, they build up and they collect interest, and then they'll often emerge later as stress, resentment or burnout. Imagine if you will. You're at a gathering where a friend is upset about a recent breakup, you might spend the whole evening trying to comfort them, tune it into every nuance of their distress. So sure this is compassionate if you're also dealing with your issues. Maybe you have relational stress or personal losses, but you don't address them. So what you're doing is you're setting yourself up for emotional overload.

Speaker 2: 7:22

So to start shifting this pattern, what's helpful is developing a habit of emotional checking in with yourself. So this can be as simple as taking moments throughout the day to ask yourself how am I feeling right now or what do I need in this moment? When we regularly check in and tune into our emotions, we give them the same attention and care that we often are offering others. Additionally, setting boundaries is crucial. It's okay to be there for someone, but also to say I need a moment for myself, or I'm here for you, but I also need to take care of my feelings. This helps sideline and prevent emotional fatigue, and what it does is it models healthy emotional habits for those around you. When we acknowledge and address our emotions, we can maintain our emotional health and remain empathetic towards others without sacrificing your well-being. It's about finding that delicate balance where you can be compassionate without becoming emotionally depleted.

Speaker 2: 8:32

Okay, so let's talk about another challenge that empaths often encounter, which is over-engaging in conversations. So many empaths become deeply immersed in discussions, especially about emotional or personal topics. When we become intensely engaged, it's usually driven by our desire to connect and understand, but also provide support. When we do this, a lot of times we don't create the necessary space for ourselves, and then this can lead to emotional exhaustion and sometimes a loss of personal identity. I want you to think about when you've been part of a deep emotional conversation. Think about the last time you were a part of that type of conversation. Maybe someone was sharing their struggles or seeking advice. It's almost second nature for empaths to dive really deep and fully and listen intently, empathizing profoundly and offering thoughtful responses. Sure, these are beautiful traits, but continuously being engaged without stepping back can drain your emotional reserves.

Speaker 2: 9:43

Empaths need to recognize that when they are giving too much in a conversation, it can be detrimental. One sign is feeling drained or depleted instead of being uplifted or fulfilled by your interactions. This is a cue that you need more emotional space for yourself. So to manage this tendency, I want you to practice the pause and reflect technique Before you respond to a conversation. I want you to just take a pause and check in with yourself, ask am I taking on too much right now, or do I have the emotional capacity to actually engage at this level? This small pause can help you gauge your current state and decide how much of yourself you can actually afford to invest in the conversation. So learning to interject and steer conversations towards less emotionally taxing topics can help you maintain your energy levels. If you feel overwhelmed, you can acknowledge the other person's feelings and then gently shift the dialogue to a lighter, more neutral topic. Lastly, it's okay to excuse yourself if a conversation becomes too intense. You can politely say like I need a moment to gather my thoughts, or can we continue this discussion a bit later? And what this does is it allows you to regain your emotional equilibrium. Creating space for yourself within conversations isn't just about self-preservation. It's about engaging in a healthier, more balanced way that respects your needs and those of others. So this approach sustains your emotional well-being and improves the quality of your interactions, and that makes them more rewarding for everyone involved.

Speaker 2: 11:41

Okay, let's explore a common experience among empaths, and that's emotional resonance. This is when you feel a deep connection with someone else's emotions, almost as if they're your own. This ability to resonate closely with others can be a powerful tool for building empathy and understanding, but it can also lead to an overwhelming blurring of emotional boundaries without careful navigation. Emotional resonance happens because empaths have this finely tuned emotional system and we can pick up on the subtle signals and emotional states of others, whether it's joy or sorrow, anxiety or excitement. You might find yourself not just understanding but experiencing these emotions alongside the person that's feeling them. This profound connection that happens makes empaths exceptional friends, partners and caregivers.

Speaker 2: 12:41

And yes, the challenge comes in maintaining your emotional autonomy. It's really important to remember that while you can feel deeply with someone, their emotions do not have to become yours. Keeping this distinction clear is key to effectively managing your empathic abilities. So to practice this, you can use emotional anchoring. So to practice this, you can use emotional anchoring, and this involves grounding yourself in your emotional center before and after intense interactions. So techniques like mindful breathing or visualization or just simple affirmations can reinforce your emotional boundaries. For instance, let's say, after a deep conversation, you may be feeling those intense body and mind reactions from someone's emotional interaction with you. So you might want to visualize like a protective shield around your emotional core or affirm to yourself.

Speaker 2: 13:44

I can empathize without taking on these emotions as my own and also developing the habit of regular emotional check-ins, like I said before. So you can ask yourself am I feeling my emotions or someone else's? And what this question can help you with is identify when you're beginning to resonate too closely and take steps to recalibrate. And lastly, sharing your experiences with other empaths can provide great insights and strategies for managing similar situations, and this gives you more practical tools and then reinforces that you're not alone in your experiences then reinforces that you're not alone in your experiences. Emotional resonance is a gift and it allows us to connect with others on a deep, intimate level, and when you manage this wisely, you can enjoy the benefits of deep emotional connections without suffering from emotional overload.

Speaker 2: 14:44

In this next segment, I want to address a critical issue that many empaths and highly sensitive people encounter, and that's a lack of clear emotional boundaries. Without these boundaries, it's too easy for us to blur the lines between our emotions and emotions of others, and this leads to confusion, exhaustion and a diminished sense of self. And why is because we may start to feel as though we're living through the emotions of others rather than experiencing our own life. So setting clear emotional boundaries is not about shutting people out. It's not building walls. It's about protecting your emotional well-being. Empaths have to recognize that they have an end and the other person has a start right. So where do you end? Where does the other person begin? That clarity allows you to empathize and be compassionate while maintaining your emotional health and identity.

Speaker 2: 15:47

One practical way to start setting boundaries is by practicing assertive communication. So when you feel overwhelmed or sense that someone is imposing their emotional state onto you, I want you to express your needs. It's a beautiful thing to be able to express your needs. For example, you might say you know, I understand you're going through a tough time and I'm here for you, but I need to take a break to care for my emotional needs right now. Another effective strategy is the physical space technique. So sometimes taking a literal step back during intense emotional interactions can help reinforce your emotional boundaries. This can be a subtle cue to yourself and to others that while you are empathetic, you're also protecting your emotional space.

Speaker 2: 16:34

Visualization can also be a powerful tool for setting emotional boundaries. Imagine a clear shield around you that protects you from taking on the emotions of others. Visualize that shield porous enough to allow empathy and understanding to pass through, but strong enough to block out overwhelming emotions. Another way is regular self-reflection, and this can help you understand what your emotional triggers are and then recognize when your boundaries are being tested. Journaling about your daily emotional experience can be really insightful, and it enables you to identify those patterns and situations where your boundaries need strengthening. I want you to remember that setting boundaries is not selfish. Protecting your emotional wellbeing allows you to be more present and supportive. It's about balancing your ability to be compassionate with others and taking care of yourself. By being proactive about setting and maintaining these boundaries, you can distinguish more clearly between your emotions and those of others, and that prevents the emotional fatigue and enhances your overall emotional resilience.

Speaker 2: 17:50

All right, so this next segment explores a common trait that many empaths have, and that is the fixer mentality. It's that instinctive desire to solve or alleviate the problems of others. Sure, this can make empaths seem like exceptional caregivers and friends, and also leads them to take on other struggles as their own, and this can be emotionally draining and it sometimes distracts us from addressing our own needs and challenges. I do believe that empaths and highly sensitive people are naturally drawn to help others, and there's this feeling of a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose and being able to make a difference. A deep sense of fulfillment and purpose and being able to make a difference and the boundary between helping and over-involvement can sometimes become blurred. It's important to recognize when the desire to help is serving others and when it might be crossing into taking on their emotional or even physical burdens. To address the fixer mentality, ask yourself a few questions before jumping into problem-solving mode. Is this my responsibility? Am I the right person to help with this? What is the cost to my emotional well-being? And then I want you to reflect on these questions, and it can help you assess whether your involvement is healthy and appropriate or it might lead to unnecessary stress.

Speaker 2: 19:19

One practical approach to managing this tendency is to offer support in ways that empower rather than enable. Instead of taking charge of a situation, you might guide someone into finding their solutions. So this could involve suggesting resources, discussing options or even listening actively without immediately offering those solutions, and I want you to set clear intentions for interactions which can also be really helpful. I want you to remember your role and your limitations before entering into potentially emotionally charged conversations. For instance, you might decide beforehand that your goal is to listen and understand and not to solve the problem. This mental preparation can actually help your interactions maintain healthy boundaries.

Speaker 2: 20:10

Another effective strategy is to practice self-awareness and self-care, so, regularly engaging in activities that replenish your energy and give you joy, help you to maintain your emotional reserves, and this then ensures that when you choose to help others, you come from a place of strength, not a depleted state. And lastly, learning to accept that not all problems can or need to be fixed by you is crucial. Sometimes, the best way to help is to offer compassion and empathy, allowing others to experience their growth and learn from their challenges. This reduces your emotional burden and respects the autonomy and the resilience of those you care about. So, by consciously addressing that fixer mentality will allow you to continue to be compassionate and supportive without compromising your emotional health. It's about finding a balance that allows you to be helpful and stay healthy. All right, be helpful and stay healthy, all right.

Speaker 2: 21:18

So in our final segment today, I want to go into a less discussed but very important aspect that affects many empaths and highly sensitive people, and that is hypervigilance. Hypervigilance often stems from a trauma response, where we become excessively alert or sensitive to our surroundings and to the emotions of others. This can sometimes serve as a protective mechanism, but it's frequently rooted in past trauma and it leads people to hyper-focus on others as a way to preemptively identify and then mitigate potential threats or trauma. Think about it it's like our brains are rewired after trauma to then obsessively scan our environment, looking for signs that we may experience that trauma again, and a lot of times we'll see the threats when they're not there. Hypervigilance is not a behavioral trait. It has its roots in biological changes within the brain, particularly in areas like the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions. When trauma occurs, the amygdala becomes hyperactive. It's always on the lookout for danger, which can change the way the brain processes information.

Speaker 2: 22:39

The heightened state of alertness can lead to an overproduction of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, and it keeps the body in a constant fight or flight mode. This biological response is exhausting, and it often leads to a state where you're so focused on potential issues in your external environment that you neglect your internal needs. That underlying fear is that by missing any signs, you might expose yourself or others to harm. So while this can make impasse very attentive and responsive, it can also lead to significant anxiety and emotional fatigue. The physical impact of hypervigilance can be profound, right Chronic, constant stress and anxiety, and it can lead to issues like chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue, adrenal collapse, sleep disturbances and weakened immune function. So, emotionally, the state can isolate you as the constant strain of being on alert wears down your ability to engage in relaxing and joyful activities.

Speaker 2: 23:51

So to address hypervigilance, the first step is recognizing it as a response to past trauma rather than a necessary or healthy ongoing state. Acknowledging that this heightened state of alertness is a reaction to past experiences rather than a reflection of the current reality, and realizing that actually helps in the beginning to let go of these patterns. Sometimes there can be a lot of shame attached to this hypervigilance, maybe from how others have responded to you when you're hypervigilant, or judgment. So realizing that it truly was your brain trying to keep you safe, right, that allows us to soften a little bit and not have so much judgment. One effective method to managing hypervigilance is through grounding techniques. What this does is it can help bring you back to the present moment. So techniques such as mindful breathing, which I talk about a lot, focusing on sensory experiences like touch or sound, or engaging in mindfulness meditation can help reduce the feelings of anxiety and the need to constantly scan your environment. Additionally, trauma-focused therapies approaches like EMDR can be extremely beneficial. These therapeutic approaches help you understand the organization.