When I, Monique Simmons, first noticed the subtle warning signs my body was sending, I mistook them for normal changes and pains. It was only after a series of routine check-ups that the truth surfaced, reshaping my entire outlook on health and wellness. This episode peels back the layers of self-awareness and proactive care, as I recount the moment my "normal" was challenged, leading to a critical wake-up call about my health. Journey with me through candid conversations about the necessity of transparent dialogue with healthcare professionals and the profound impact of facing our health realities head-on.
This episode offers a raw and emotional window into the process of identifying and altering the toxic patterns we inherit, complacency on our jobs, staying in unhealthy relationships and other things we've considered to be our "normal." I discuss the courage it takes to confront and forgive, the invaluable role therapy can play, the determination required to shift family dynamics towards a healthier, more positive future and other ways we can create and embrace a new normal. Tune in as I reveal how embracing difficult changes has not only set me on a path of emotional healing but has also empowered me to lay down new, healthier foundations for the generations to come.
When I, Monique Simmons, first noticed the subtle warning signs my body was sending, I mistook them for normal changes and pains. It was only after a series of routine check-ups that the truth surfaced, reshaping my entire outlook on health and wellness. This episode peels back the layers of self-awareness and proactive care, as I recount the moment my "normal" was challenged, leading to a critical wake-up call about my health. Journey with me through candid conversations about the necessity of transparent dialogue with healthcare professionals and the profound impact of facing our health realities head-on.
This episode offers a raw and emotional window into the process of identifying and altering the toxic patterns we inherit, complacency on our jobs, staying in unhealthy relationships and other things we've considered to be our "normal." I discuss the courage it takes to confront and forgive, the invaluable role therapy can play, the determination required to shift family dynamics towards a healthier, more positive future and other ways we can create and embrace a new normal. Tune in as I reveal how embracing difficult changes has not only set me on a path of emotional healing but has also empowered me to lay down new, healthier foundations for the generations to come.
what's up, guys? Welcome to demo with mo. I'm your host, monique simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo. I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to be discussing embracing the new normal.
Speaker 1:
I've been having some medical issues going on, some health challenges, some things going on for some years now and, honestly speaking, I'm not sure how long it's been going on. But if I was to do a timeline, I'm not even sure I would tell you, because I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been, and not embarrassed about the health challenges. That's not what I'm embarrassed about at all. I'm embarrassed because for so many years I made it my normal. I thought it was okay. I thought this was the way to live. I thought the things that I was going through, the things that I was facing, the things that I was challenging in my health, were the things that I was going through. The things that I was facing, the things that I was challenging in my health, were the things that I was supposed to be going through and not even thinking so much as I was going through. I just thought it was part of being a woman, part of what my life is going to be like. I just counted it as being normal. Okay, do y'all hear me?
Speaker 1:
So, story time I went in for my annual visit with my doctor and you know your usual with your doctor. You go every year. I hope you guys go every year. That's a plug. Make sure you keep your annual visits to your doctor, whether that's your primary care physician, your gynecologist. But that's not the story time, but I'm just plugging it in. Take care of yourself seriously, because I wouldn't have got to where I'm about to get to in story time if I was not continually going to my doctors and having conversations with my doctors. And if I was really talking to to my doctors and having conversations with my doctors and if I was really talking to my doctors the way I should have been talking to my doctors, I would have gotten here sooner. But that's neither here nor there.
Speaker 1:
I was in the office for my annual visit and this particular doctor I've been going to for years and I have a pretty close relationship, a pretty good rapport, because not only is he my doctor, I've also worked in his office because I work in the medical field A previous physician that I worked for years ago, before I started working from home. We shared a office together in his office, so this is someone I've known for years ago, before I started working from home. We shared a office together in his office, so this is someone I've known for years. So just in conversation, during my visit, we were just having a conversation about things that were going on and his nurse ended up asking me some random questions about you know things about my health and know certain specific questions stood out and I was like, well, yeah, that's going on and this is going on and I have been dealing with this and etc. Etc. Etc. And when I got into the room with him and he and I began to talk about it, he mentioned what my nurse said. You kind of share this with her. You know the nurse asks you all of these questions to kind of prepare the doctor before he comes in. And he followed up on those questions. I was like, well, yeah, and he's like, well, how long have you been dealing with that? I'm like for years. And he wants to do certain tests, he wants to get more blood drawn and he wants to do certain tests, he wants to get more blood drawn, want to run more panels, et cetera. And this is me kind of giving you on the surface, without going into very personal details. Okay, so, going over everything I do the blood work, and blood work comes back and he gives me a call the following week and because it was the latter part of the week when I saw him, so he gives me a call the following week and he was like I need you to see a specialist, I need you to go see this certain kind of doctor got your blood work back and certain numbers are low and these numbers should be here and they're not here. And you know, this is something I'm really concerned about, and et cetera. Okay, so I go see the specialist.
Speaker 1:
Not too long after he and I's conversation, I go see the specialist and the specialist and I we have a really great conversation. He was a great doctor, telling me exactly what he would be able to do to treat what was going on. But then he begins to go over my symptoms and he was like this is the issue that I can fix, but this is the issues that's causing the issue that I need to fix. He gave the example if you had a leak in your gas tank. He gave the example if you had a leak in your gas tank, yes, you could continue to go to the gas station and fill your car back up and continue to put gas in it, but until you get to the root of it and fix the leak, which is only what a mechanic can do, you're going to continue to have the problem. He began to explain to me like, yeah, we can treat the symptoms, but you're going to have to fix the issue. You're going to have to fix the root of what's causing you to have these problems, these symptoms, these issues.
Speaker 1:
Okay, and as he's beginning, and we sat and talked for a while and he began to ask me did you have this imaging done? And I'm like, yes, I had it done and did you get your results back? And I told him I did. And we went through all of that and I showed him you know my results back and everything. And he explained I had to get some blood work done in his office and he got the numbers back and explained to me the same thing. My primary care doctor told me about my blood work and my numbers and where they should be and how low they are and all of the things, okay.
Speaker 1:
So then he said something that has stuck with me, and it stuck with me so much that I'm doing the whole podcast episode on it, because if it stuck with me and it stood out to me, I'm sure it's going to resonate with somebody. I'm sure it is because I've literally been thinking about he and I's conversation since that day, since that day and this was weeks ago and I've been thinking about that conversation since that day. But but he begins going over my imaging, my blood work, the conversation from my primary care doctor, the notes he got from my primary care doctor, just my history, you know, and if you've ever been to the doctor or been referred to see a specialist or know anything about doctors and you, you understand what I I'm saying. So he began to go over my history and, um, he said, looking at these numbers, this didn't just happen overnight, you've had to been dealing with this. And I'm feeling like I felt in that moment because I was told to make tears in his office because a number of reasons.
Speaker 1:
A number of reasons. One I'm sitting across from a person because I work in the medical field. I've been in the medical field since I was 19 years old and I care a lot about my patients, a lot. Everyone doesn't feel that way. So to be sitting across from somebody of another gender, of another ethnicity, who doesn't look like me, doesn't sound like me, doesn't come from my background and to care in such a way, that's one thing. And then the second thing to sympathize in such a way where he didn't just it wasn't like I was just another patient, another person where I'm just going to come in, write down my notes, send you on back to your doctor, give you a prescription and be done with it.
Speaker 1:
It was the fact that he went through my whole history, talked about what I really needed to do to really fix the issue and not put a bandaid over it and be seeing him for years and put to really fix the real issue so I wouldn't have to deal with what I've been dealing with for years. And then to what he said to me next, which I really want you guys to hear. He then goes on to say, looking at all of this, I know this did not happen overnight. I know you had to have been dealing with this for years. And I said yeah, I've been dealing with this for years, but I've been dealing with it so long I thought it was normal. It feels crazy, even coming out of my mouth now saying it to you guys, because for so many years I've counted all of the things I've been going through with my body is normal, and I could, man, I could tell y'all some stories about things I went through with my body. But as I'm saying it now, it sounds so crazy because I counted it as normal and I don't know if that was just my way of not dealing with it or just being strong. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But the point is I thought it was normal.
Speaker 1:
And then he says to me just because it has been your normal doesn't mean it is normal or the healthy way to live. And then he says to me which is the part that sticks in my head every day since he said it you don't have to continue to live this way. This man said to me you don't have to continue to live this way. This man said to me you don't have to continue to live this way. And for some of y'all that may not be nothing, that may not be anything, but for me and I know for some of you who've been dealing with health challenges and health issues and things that you just thought you had to suffer through because that's literally what I've been doing when it comes to the things going on with my health, as far as what I'm seeing these doctors about specifically, I've literally just been suffering through it, but I would just deal with it. I would be in pain and he said you don't have to live this way. And it's weird because I would literally be saying it to anybody else, to my friends, to my family, to my children, to my husband, to any of you guys who are listening to this husband, to any of you guys who are listening to this. I would literally be preaching and saying and giving that same message that you don't have to live this way. But I couldn't tell myself that I couldn't grab step for myself. I've literally just been suffering through the things that I've been going through with this specific issue and for you for you it may not be your health. For you it may be a relationship that maybe you've been in so long and you've been going through so long. It may be a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship, a relationship that's unhealthy, you know, is not good for you, but you've been in it for so long that it's become your normal, just like how I was sitting in his office, knowing the things that I was going through, knowing the things that was happening in my body are not okay. I definitely should be seeing somebody. I definitely should be trying to figure out what's going on, how I could fix this issue, but I've been dealing with it so long. I just I just figured out how to cope, just figured out how to suffer through, just figured out how to get through life with it. It's not killing me, you know, I'm okay. But, man, life could be better. Life could be better without this. As he said, I don't have to live like this. Just because it's been my normal all these years don't mean it is normal, don't mean it is healthy, don't mean I have to live like this. And the same is for you. If you're in a relationship that isn't right for you, that you don't feel loved, that you don't feel like you're treated right, if you're not talked to correctly, if you're abused physically, if you're not treated like the person you deserve to be treated, the person that God has created you to be, because God loves us. Man, man, god loves us, and it may not be a relationship.
Speaker 1:
What about a job that you've gotten complacent in? You feel like you can't do any better than this. You feel like you don't deserve any better than this. You feel like you're not worthy for something better than this. Men, it's jobs that pay more money. You could go back to school, you could ask for a raise, you could get a certification, you can move up in a current job you own, but you've gotten complacent. You feel like, man, I've been here so many years. This is all I can do. This is how it's always been so. This is how it's always going to be.
Speaker 1:
Man, you've gotten caught up in that family dynamic where things have always been chaotic and it's so much confusion and so much toxicity. You think this is the normal. Yeah, it may have been normal for you growing up. Maybe it has been normal for the generations before you. Maybe nobody forgave. Maybe nobody talked about or had hard, uncomfortable conversations. Maybe nobody talked about the abuse, the molestation, the negativity in the family. Maybe nobody talked about those things, but they sweep them under the rug. Maybe that was normal. But it doesn't have to continue to be your normal. That doesn't mean it's healthy, that doesn't make it right. You can change that. You can create a new normal. You can embrace a new normal. You can change the whole dynamic of your family. And even if your extended family don't want to receive it, don't want to accept it, don't want to be a part of it they reject it, they reject you you can set it up for your family, for your spouse, for your children, for your grandchildren. You can do something different. You can begin to break those generational curses over your life and do something different, and it can start with you. You can be that curse breaker.
Speaker 1:
And I'm telling you from experience and that's why this was so crazy to me, because when he said it it just lit a fire in me. When this man said to me you don't have to live this way, it lit a fire in me because I know I don't have to live this way. I have changed so many things in my life, in every part of my life, in my marriage, in my finances, in my family dynamic. I have literally changed how I raise my children, children in my relationship with God. I've literally changed so many things in my life, looking back over who I was 10, 15 years ago and looking at the woman who I am in a mirror today, I know I don't have to live this way. So when he said it, it just lit something in me like girl, you know, know, you don't have to live this way. Do you see all the ways you've changed your life? Do you see it? You know you don't have to live this way.
Speaker 1:
So it's not only spiritually, it's not only emotionally, because my emotional health being emotionally intelligent, doing the work in therapy, maturing, having hard conversations, doing the uncomfortable things, being willing to separate from family, even if that's not something that I desire, but willing to if it will hurt my family man, I know I don't have to live like this. So again, I need to be reminded of that in every area of my life, even my physical health. I don't have to live like this. And, man, I hope you get that too. And again, this is for me. I got this, I was blessed by this by a doctor regarding my physical health. And it may be for you again your relationships, it could be your finances, it could be on your job, it could be with your family, it could be in your mindset how you think, the way you move. It could be a number of things.
Speaker 1:
You take the time out while you're listening to this to sit down and really write down or journal, and any short thing to really sit down. What is it? What is it that I've been considering to be normal for all these years? Because I've been doing it for so long, I considered it to be normal. But it doesn't have to be my normal anymore. It's not healthy for me, it's not working for me. This is not what I desire for my life. This is not what I want for my life. I want better. I desire better. I'm worthy of better. God wants better for me. What is that thing? What is that for you? And that can be in so many different scenarios, man, this could be played out in so many ways Because, again, I had never even thought about it with my physical health, never.
Speaker 1:
And to this doctor who cared enough to see me, to really see me, and say, just because it's been your normal all these years, don't mean that it is normal and you don't have to continue to live this way. And I love that he said you don't have to continue to live this way because he can't make me. He can't make me get to the root cause of it. He can't make me see the other doctor. He can't make me go forward with any procedures and surgeries. He can't make me take the prescriptions. He can't make me do the research. He can't make me have a conversation with my husband. He can't make me come back for the follow-up and what I'm saying about all of this. He can't make me do the work. I can't make you guys who are listening to me do the work.
Speaker 1:
God will not make you do the work, because God gives us something called free will. That means he allows you to make the choice to do, to do the work or not, to do the work, to surrender or to not surrender. That's one of the beautiful things about God and our relationship with him, one of the things I love about him. He allows us to choose him. He won't force himself on us. Will he encourage us? Yes, will he give us little hints and little gestures to let us know he's there, he's waiting, he loves us? He sure will. But will he force himself on us? Will he make you follow him? Will he make you be his disciple? Will he make you do the work? No, he won't, and this doctor couldn't make me do those things either, but he did show me the same way God shows me, the same way God shows all of us.
Speaker 1:
Just because it's always been this way doesn't mean it has to always continue to be this way. You don't have to continue to live like this. You don't have to continue to be in that toxic relationship. You don't have to continue to deal with those family members that hurt you and tear you down and treat you bad. You don't have to continue to stay on that job where you're not growing and you feel like you're stuck and you've gotten complacent. You don't have to continue to live from paycheck to paycheck and feel like it's holes in your pockets and you never have enough and you're always struggling and you never can get ends to meet. You don't have to. You don't have to, you don't have to. You don't have to continue to live that way.
Speaker 1:
And I'm not just saying this from a person who just heard this and just figured this out. I'm saying this from a person who who surrendered their life to Christ, who gave it over to him and truly has experienced. I don't have to continue to live that way and had they mind blown because for so long the life I used to live. I thought that was the normal and I thought I would always live that way. At one point I thought I would always be in an abusive relationship. And another point I thought I would always struggle financially and I would never have enough. God is good. God is good. Do you hear me? And I will go on to say I took the advice of that doctor because I don't have to continue to live that way. I went back and saw my primary care doctor, talked to him about everything that was discussed and we are going to move forward with. We know what the root cause is and we are moving forward with taking care of that.
Speaker 1:
And again, this is just me staying on the surface, because I've just some things. If you've been rocking with me for a little bit, you know that I am a very transparent person and I share a lot, but there are still some things that I keep close to the chest. I don't share everything. I share those things I feel like will be beneficial to you, to you guys that are listening, that, things that sometimes I feel uncomfortable sharing, but God is wanting me to share, and things that I've, you know, openly shared with my husband that he is okay with me sharing Right now. This is not one of those things that I will be sharing right now, but, man, I thought this would bless you. I really thought this would bless you. But I do want you to know I'm always doing the work. I'm not on here, coming on here sharing something that I'm not actively doing myself. I pride myself on not coming on here talking about things that I'm not doing myself.
Speaker 1:
Being transparent, I try to stay away from conversations that I am not actively working on myself or have worked on in the past and overcome. I'm. I just don't believe in talking about or preaching quote-unquote, something that you're not living. I don't believe in that. I just I don't believe in it.
Speaker 1:
So, again, I came home, talked to my husband. We agreed on moving forward with our decision on what needed to be done, and you know, I hope you do the same because, again, for me, it's with my health. But you, you know what that thing is. I don't know. But I hope you don't allow what you thought has been normal all these years if you know it's not healthy for you, if you know it's not healthy for you if you thought it has been normal all these years and you realize that it's not the normal just because it's been normal for you and you know it's not healthy. I hope that, just like me, you don't continue to stay in what you thought was normal, but that you will make an active decision to begin to do the work to figure out how to embrace a new normal. A new normal that will be healthy for you, a new normal that will be beneficial to you, a new normal that will be what's best for you, what God desires for you, what he wants for his children, because he loves you and he's a good God. So I'm grateful. I'm grateful I'm embracing my new normal. I'm excited to see what's on the other side of this, what it's all going to be.
Speaker 1:
Hopefully I will be updating you, you guys, once everything is done and all. I love you, but remember, god loves you guys so much more. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I hope it blessed you in some kind of way, but again, I love you guys and I'll see you next week. Bye, I hope you guys have enjoyed. Follow me on Facebook at Demo with Mo. If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me at demo with mo at gmailcom. That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O at gmailcom.