Embracing Life's Pivots: Celebrating Our 14th Anniversary with Unexpected Twists

What happens when all your perfectly planned dreams for a romantic getaway are suddenly upended? Join us on Demo with Mo as we share our story of an unexpected twist to our 14th wedding anniversary trip. When our babysitter canceled last minute, we had to shift gears and bring our kids along. This experience opened our eyes to the importance of adaptability and how sometimes, life's unexpected turns can lead to even better experiences than we had originally envisioned.

Reflecting on the journey, I discuss how learning to let go of rigid expectations has significantly improved my relationships. From establishing healthier boundaries, accepting things as they are has been liberating. By trusting in God and letting go of my need to control outcomes, I've found more peace and maturity in handling my emotions. This episode delves into the nuances of personal growth and the profound impact of releasing unrealistic expectations.

We also highlight the invaluable role of support from loved ones during challenging times. Sharing a heartfelt story about reaching out to a friend for prayer, we emphasize the importance of seeking emotional support and encouragement. Acknowledging and processing emotions like anger and disappointment is crucial, especially within a Christian context, to navigate life's pivots effectively. Tune in for a heartfelt discussion on embracing change, leaning on your support system, and the strength of faith in overcoming life's hurdles. Happy 14th Wedding Anniversary, Corey!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

what's up, guys? Welcome to demo with mo. I'm your host, monique simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo. I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we're going to be discussing learning to pivot. If you are listening to this episode, live, my husband, corey and I will be celebrating our 14th year wedding anniversary. We just got back from vacation and today's episode was inspired by this trip.

Speaker 1: 0:53

So our original plan was going to be a vacation Vacation. You know, for those of you who are wondering, if you're not sure what a vacation is, b-a-e vacation is, when you and your boo go on vacation, it's just you guys, nobody else, just you and your partner. You go on vacation, okay, so that was the original plan. We've been planning this vacation for some months now and if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you know that I'm pretty big on celebratory things, especially birthdays and anniversaries. That's a very big deal in my house. I celebrate those things in a big, major way. They're very important to me, especially when I became an adult, even before having kids I celebrated those things in a big way for my husband and for myself. And then when we added kids to the mix it became even bigger. So we were going to go on vacation with just he and I. We were waiting to confirm our sitter. We had originally planned to go somewhere that was going to require us fly there. That was the original plan. But we had been waiting to confirm a babysitter and the babysitter hadn't confirmed. So I didn't want to move further with planning a trip. I just we have three kids and one of those kids being under five. I just I'm not planning a trip without having a confirmed babysitter. It's just, it's not going to happen. So we were waiting to confirm the babysitter before we went further with the plans. We had kind of had an idea of where we were going, how we were going to get there, exactly what activities we wanted to do, but nothing had been paid for and booked yet until we confirmed the babysitter had been paid for and booked yet until we confirmed the babysitter. So we finally got a babysitter confirmed a week prior to going. The babysitter confirmed. At this time I told my husband even before the babysitter confirmed.

Speaker 1: 2:59

As it got closer to the time I was like our first plan. I'm not feeling real comfortable about it. It was just something wasn't sitting right with me. Let's not go there anymore, let's go to this other place that's closer to home, we don't have to fly, we can drive. It just was sitting better with me. It just was sitting better with me. I just felt more comfortable in case anything happened. I just felt more comfortable. This is what I'm telling my husband. And he was like but this is not what you wanted to do. This is the place you've been wanting to go to. You've been talking about it for months, et cetera. And I was like no, it's okay, because the second place, this is somewhere I like traveling to. It's fine, even though it's not the first place. I wanted to go to the place that I've been talking about for months. It's still a place that I love. So it's not like it's not somewhere that I don't want to go. So it's okay. I just I really want to be. I want to feel good about going to wherever we're going. Like this other place is not sitting with me because the sitter isn't confirmed.

Speaker 1: 4:12

So once the sitter confirmed, we began to book with the second place. That I told my husband let's just go here. I feel better about driving. So we booked everything. Everything is booked, paid for. We're good, we're set, we're ready.

Speaker 1: 4:32

Okay, we're heading out on a Friday, thursday. I'm out running some errands, picking up some last minute things that needed to go in my luggage. I get a text and some things has came up with the sitter. The following morning some more things come up and we ended up going to take the baby the youngest of our bunch to daycare. And I'm giving you these things even though I'm leaving a lot of stuff out. I'm giving you these things for context. We dropped the baby off. We're in front of the daycare. We dropped the baby off, I signed the baby into daycare and as I'm signing the baby into daycare and we're getting ready to, I'm getting ready to get back in the car we get another message and I, literally before even getting back in the car, I let her teacher know that I'm getting her back out of daycare because now, long story short, they're going with us. So they're no longer staying with the sitter, they're now the sitter is counseled. Our babies are now traveling with us on our anniversary trip.

Speaker 1: 5:46

So what wasn't sitting right with me was going to our original place and flying. It was all for a reason and at the time I did not know. I didn't know, but it wasn't sitting right with me and the next place that I wanted to go to that was closer to home and we were able to drive. It was all for a reason. I didn't know, but God knew. God knew how everything was gonna work out and how what all would unfold and how everything would happen. So we ended up taking the kids with us on our anniversary vacation and that's how we got into today's episode with learning to pivot and the definition for pivot is being willing to change course when faced with new information or circumstances.

Speaker 1: 6:43

So Thursday night, when my husband reached out to me about some things that had came up about the sitter getting the kids and some things about he mentioned that they may not be able to get the kids and we may have to take them with us. But he wasn't sure and some things had came up, I had made it in my made it up in my mind that the kids were going with us. I didn't know what was going to happen If the person was going to end up being able to get them, if things were going to work out on their end or what, but in my mind, because I was already out when I got the text from him. But I had already made up in my mind this is where the pivoting is coming in. I had already made up in my mind that the kids are going with us. So this is when the pivot begins to happen for me.

Speaker 1: 7:36

This is why the learning to pivot is important, because I could have easily let that ruin everything for me, because, again, this is supposed to be a vacation. I'm going out with my man. This is our anniversary trip. This is just he and I. We're celebrating 14 years of marriage. It's been a minute for us since we've been alone on a trip together Like this is our time. We've been planning this for months.

Speaker 1: 8:06

The sitter has known for months. They had already said they were going to get the kids. They knew about this trip. It wasn't like some last minute thing. They just confirmed less than a week ago.

Speaker 1: 8:19

You know I could have came up. I could have told myself a bunch of stories, because you know how we do. I could have told myself a bunch of things. I could have easily gotten discouraged and don't get me wrong, I was highly upset and we're going to get into that. But I'm saying this is why to learn to pivot is so important, because, even though all of those things which I just said are true statements, every single one of those things are true statements. But what good would any of that do for me, my husband and our vacation is less than 24 hours. These are our three babies that we're responsible for, that we love. These are our kids. We're going to protect our kids. At the end of the day, they're not going to be hurt. They're not going to feel like somebody didn't want to keep them At this point. What good will any of that do? So we're going to make the best of this. How can I make the best of this? What can I do at this point, in less than 24 hours, to make the best of this? Okay, so I didn't choose the first vacation. We're not out of any money for plane tickets. We're not out of any money for hotels where we are not able to travel. Like.

Speaker 1: 9:43

I listened when the Holy Spirit was directing me on where I needed to travel to, where we needed to go. That was the first thing. I felt good about that, because it was like he was already directing me months back that, Monique, cross that off, you don't need to go there. And I had no idea all of this was gonna unfold this way or happen this way. Cross that off, you don't need to go there. And I had no idea all of this was going to unfold this way or happen this way. Cross that out, you don't need to go there. Don't go there. You don't know all this is going to happen, but I do. I know the days ahead. I know the end of this story. I know what's going to happen in the future. You don't know, but I'm already there and I know how this is going to end. I know how it's going to play out. Trust me, believe me, listen to me, hear that small voice. That's why we got to be in tune with the Holy Spirit. That's why we cannot grieve the Holy Spirit, even on things like this. So I began to already pivot, even though I did not know how it was going to end, because at this point my husband is telling me they may not. You know, we didn't know for sure, but at this point I'm already pivoting Just in case. Just in case it all falls apart in the morning. I will be ready. I will not go on vacation and be upset. I will not go on vacation and be mad that our kids are with us. We're going to have a great time, whether it's just you and I or all five of us together. We're going to have a great time and we're going to make the best of this. Because I am going to pivot, I'm going to be ready and we're going to have a great time.

Speaker 1: 11:14

Pivot, being willing to change course when faced with new information or circumstances, because a lot of times, when we're faced with new information or circumstances, we don't like change, we don't like stuff to happen to us at the last minute. We fall apart, we're upset, we're distraught, we don't know what to do with ourselves. How could they do this to me? Why would they do this to me? And even though all of that stuff is valid, because why would they do this to me? How could they do this to me? But how can I make the best of this? This is the hand that I've been dealt, this is the information that I have, these are the circumstances that I'm in. How can I make the best of this? Okay, so I'm going to give you some points on how to pivot. So, when you have this new information, when you've been given these new circumstances, how do you pivot? And I'm going to give you some ways that, because this just happened, I'm gonna give you some things that I did that helped me, and some things I've done in the past that have helped me, because this, this ain't my first time pivoting, baby, this ain't my first time pivoting.

Speaker 1: 12:34

Have I always been able to pivot fast like this? Because, again, I told you, this was less than 24 hours, you know, so it wasn't a lot of time to get myself together. I haven't always been able to bounce back like this, to pivot fast like this. There have been times in my life where I was not this mature that I would have been upset. I would have been on somebody's phone, would have been upset, I would have been on somebody's phone. I would have been like, how dare you? You know, there was a time. There was a time. There was a time I probably would have canceled this trip. I would have just, you know, yeah, how to pivot.

Speaker 1: 13:19

One and this is, let me say this this is not in a certain order where I'm saying one is greater than the other one. You need to do this first or do this last. This is in no certain order. One let go of the way you think things should be, the way things are supposed to be, the way you want them to be, but look at the way they are. Let go of what you can't control and trust God with the rest. Y'all. This one right here, this one right here, because it'll get you stuck, because you will see the person on the other side or the people on the other side, especially when it comes to like relationships, because you will wonder how can this person or these people do this to me or this to my partner, or this to my children? How can they do this? How can they treat me like this? How can they talk to me like this? How can they feel this way? How can they act this way? Like why, like what's wrong with you? Like all these questions you can have in your mind because you think it should be a certain way, or you want it to be a certain way, or you want it to be a certain way, or you desire it to be a certain way. But let go of that. Let let let go of that.

Speaker 1: 14:45

That helped me in my relationship with my mom. That's something that helped me in my relationship with my mom when we started working on fixing our relationship years ago. For so long, I wanted her to be what I wanted her to be, because I desired our relationship to be like other people's relationship with their moms or the cookie cutter relationship with mom, mom and daughter relationships, or what I thought it should be growing up. But I had to get rid of that, even though I desire our relationship to be closer and I desire a lot of things with my mom. But I had to accept my mom is who she is and our relationship is what it is, and I have to accept it for what it is and not try to make it be something that is not, because every time you expect something to be something that is not, and when a person shows you that they are who they are and this isn't any relationship with anybody but when they show you that they are who they are and not who you want them to be or what you desire them to be, you will be disappointed every single time. And it's not their fault, it's your fault. How dare you expect me to show up as somebody that I'm not? I'm going to show up as who I am and for you to expect me to show up as somebody else is ridiculous. So let go of what you can't control and trust God with the rest. Let it go. You can pivot when you let go of the control and let go of what you expect things to be, want things to be, desire them to be and accept them for what they are. And trust God with the rest. People going to be who they are, they going to be exactly who they are. But you trust God with the rest and I'm not saying it's okay for people to be and do whatever. That is not what I'm saying at all. You can have boundaries, you can require respect, you can have healthy relationships and if it's not, you don't have to have those relationships. But what I'm saying is don't expect something to be what it's not. That's what I'm saying. Don't expect something to be what it's not. That's what I'm saying. And trust God with the rest.

Speaker 1: 17:23

Two ask for help or support from people you trust and love. This is a great way you can pivot. Be willing to ask for help. A lot of times when we're faced with new information or circumstances, we try to go at it alone and deal with it by ourselves, but if we ask for help and support from people that we love and trust, they can help us. They can give us new perspectives, they can encourage us. They can talk us off a ledge. They can remind us who we are. They can remind us don't worry about that. They can talk us off a ledge. They can remind us who we are. They can remind us don't worry about that. They can encourage you not to even to fall into that, not even to fall into the trap of the enemy. You know, it's good to have people that really love you and support you in your corner.

Speaker 1: 18:14

Thursday, when my husband texts me about possibly not having a sitter, before I got home, I reached out to a girlfriend and I'm one of those people. I only reach out to people that I, that I trust and love when it comes to certain things in my life. I'm not a person that just reaches out to people about personal things. I'm just. I'm not I. I keep things close to my chest. I do, I really, really do. But I reached out to a girlfriend because I knew I saw this for what it could be. I knew I was not wrestling against flesh and blood.

Speaker 1: 18:53

And if you're listening to this and you're not a Christian and no offense to you in any type of way I really hope you continue to listen to this episode about pivoting. But if you're not a Christian, some of the things that I may say may not make sense and that's the only reason that I'm saying this right now. But I knew I was not wrestling against flesh and blood. I knew this was from the pits of hell. I knew that's what it was from, because I just knew. I just knew and if you heard my episode last week, this will make sense to you About my episode. I'm tired. If you have not heard the episode, go back and listen to the episode. You may want to pause this or, right after this, go listen to that episode and this will make sense to you, because I'm going against spiritual warfare.

Speaker 1: 19:44

And if you are a Christian or believer and you think you're not in spiritual warfare, oh man, man, you are. If you ain't check that for real, check that because you are a believer. You always in spiritual warfare because the enemy hates you. I just, I'm just gonna keep it a book with you. He hates you. He hates you because he hates your father, but the attacks have been coming. They, they have been coming. They have been coming. So I already knew I was not wrestling against flesh and blood. So I reached out to my girlfriend and I was. I sent her a voice message and told her. So I reached out to my girlfriend and I was. I sent her a voice message and told her, and I asked her to pray for me because I already knew. I already knew what it was. So be willing to ask for help or support from people you trust and love. Okay, don't try to deal with whatever it is alone.

Speaker 1: 20:57

And when you're pivoting, sometimes pivoting is hard. For me, this was vacation. For you it could be health issues, the loss of a job, the loss of a spouse moving to another state. You could be taking care of your parents. They've moved into your home. You have ill parents.

Speaker 1: 21:28

Like man, sometimes pivoting is hard Like this ain't always some same simple things. Because you may hear this for you, what I was pivoting may seem easy to you. Here it is for you, what I was pivoting may seem easy to you, it may seem easy to you, but if you're already in the midst of spiritual warfare and dealing with things already, one on top of the other, on top of the other, on top of the other. It can be something so simple that could take you over the edge. You know what I'm saying. Take you over the edge. You know what I'm saying? Three feel your feelings, grief. Accept your reality. Don't stuff them and pretend you don't feel the way. You do this right here for my good Christian brothers and sisters.

Speaker 1: 22:23

Man, I feel like I have to say this one because sometimes y'all we can talk ourselves out of really feeling exactly how we feel. I see it happen so much. Like we'll begin to quote scriptures and say all. It's like we say all of the right things, but y'all still be upset, though Like you saying. It's like you saying the right stuff. I wish you could see my hands. It's like quote-unquote right things, because it's no right things, but it's just like you feel. It's like you saying what you think you should be saying as a Christian or a believer, but it's like it's not in you, like you really don't feel that way, but you you're outwardly saying those things. But it's like it's okay to have feelings, it's okay to have emotions, like it's okay to be upset, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be disappointed. It's okay to be angry. The Bible says angry, but do not sin like it's okay to have different emotions, like I was.

Speaker 1: 23:41

I was completely upset. I was completely upset. I was upset, I was disappointed, I was mad, I was hurt for my children because it was like so I'm, I'm dealing with something else regarding how someone's treating me that is affecting my children okay, and then this happens and it also affects my children. So this is the part that makes me upset. I can personally take hits. I can take the hits, but when the hits come from my children that's the part that makes me upset the mama bear in me comes out and that's the part that has bothered me the most and that's the part that I've been feeling.

Speaker 1: 24:38

So it's like when stuff like that happens, you don't have to talk your way out of that. You can feel those things. Y'all understand what I'm saying and that's my thing, and I'm feeling that, I felt that and I was honest about that. So, whatever your thing is because that's my thing, that's my thing I can deal with a lot, because I'm going to take the shots and then I'm going to go on over there to my daddy and I'm talking about my father in heaven and I'm going to go over there and tell him all about it and then he's going to take care of it. But then it was like when those things started coming for my children, that's when it started hurting me. That's the point I'll get back to, when I was telling y'all about things, when I knew I wasn't fighting against flesh and blood because that was a tactic from the enemy, because it was like, oh, what I was doing before wasn't working, so let me try something else. To attack Monique, yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:48

So, whatever it is for you, I want you to be honest. Feel your feelings. Whatever it is for you, I want you to be honest. Feel your feelings, grieve whatever it is, but accept your reality. You don't have to pretend that you're not feeling the way you are, because God already knows You're not fooling nobody but yourself or the people around you, and if they really know you, you ain't even fooling them. If they really know you, you ain't even fooling them. Because for the people in my life if I know you know you, you might fool other people, but people that I know and that know me all I got to do is be around you for a few moments. I can see all of that. I can see past all that fake stuff and people don't do that because they're Some. People don't do that because they're trying to be fake. Some people just don't want you to see what's really going on underneath there. But I can see it Like if you, if you really know people and you really care about them and you really love them, you can see it. So feel your feelings, grieve and accept your reality. You don't have to stuff it and pretend that you don't feel the way that you feel.

Speaker 1: 27:03

Four give it all to God. That's just simply put Give it all to God. Cry, scream. Whatever you need to do, he can handle it. I done, did all of that stuff. I mean, god done, seen me at my uglies? I'm talking about my uglies. I done, I done. Give it all to him. Everything you want to say to somebody else, all that stuff you want to say to somebody else, say it to him. Give it to him. That hurt, that pain, that disappointment, that sadness, that all of that that you want to say to somebody else, give it to him because he can handle it and he's the one that's going to do something and fix it and make you feel better and give you peace about it. Give it all to him.

Speaker 1: 28:00

Five last, but certainly not least, lean on your partner or spouse. Satan will love nothing more than for this to divide the two of you, but allow this to draw you closer to God and closer to one another. Whatever it is that you're pivoting from, he wants this to divide y'all. I'm gonna tell you right now. He wants this to divide you and your partner. He wants y'all to argue. He wants y'all to stop talking. He wants this to straight up divide y'all. Piss him off. Let this bring y'all closer. Let this bring y'all closer to God. Y'all need to be going in prayer individually and together too, if you and your partner and your spouse pray together. But let this bring y'all closer together.

Speaker 1: 28:54

Why should we pivot?

Speaker 1: 28:58

We're constantly changing.

Speaker 1: 29:00

Life is constantly changing. Circumstances are constantly changing. Nothing is guaranteed to stay the same forever. Imagine the type of life we would live if we couldn't or chose not to adjust to change, even if it was due to the decisions of someone else. We have to be willing to pivot and to do what's best for us, our partner or spouses and our families. A change in circumstances is inevitable.

Speaker 1: 29:29

Will you be mad and upset and stay that way, or will you learn how to adjust and lean on your partner and trust God through it all? I don't know about you, but I've been mad and upset in my past. I'm not going back to that. I'm going to learn how to just lean on my husband and trust God through it all. And that's what we did on this trip for our vacation with our three babies and we had an amazing time. So I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode on learning to pivot. Remember I love you, but God loves you so much more and I'll see you guys next week. Bye, happy 14th wedding anniversary, mr Simmons. I love you. I hope you guys have enjoyed Follow me on Facebook at Demo with Mo. If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me at demo with mo at gmailcom. That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O at gmailcom.