FREE *OUR THINKING with BAYTOP SCOTT

I’m sitting down with Baytop Scott for a real and raw conversation about balancing masculine and feminine energies and how those imbalances show up in today’s world. We’re spilling the tea on everything from political divides to personal growth, keeping it honest about our own truths and roles in how we communicate with the world.

We dive into our love for the country, passion for defending others’ rights, and the importance of self-care, family support, and navigating personal struggles like addiction. And of course the aliens that are here among us.

Get ready, we’re hitting hot topics like radical politics, societal changes, and why empathy matters more than ever. But this isn’t your typical divided conversation. Instead, we share ways to improve your own life while respecting others, focusing on authenticity and staying true to yourself; even on social media.

Plus, Baytop teases her next big project, The Real Cosmic Joke, the whole idea is to really bring curiosity and conversation to the light of the world right now. Because, honestly, life isn’t meant to be so serious.

We hope to inspire you to reflect on your journey, connect with what truly matters, and improve communication skills (oh, and stay hydrated!). It’s time to have more two-sided conversations about the things that can truly change your life and the lives of those around you.

Connect with Baytop on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/baytopscott/

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Chapters

• 3:20 Election Season
• 3:39 Personal Growth
• 11:47 Addiction and Recovery Stories
• 22:53 Spiritual Journeys and Alien Encounters
• 34:11 Exploring Connections
• 36:33 Abortion and Feminine Intuition
• 38:34 JD Vance and American Politics
• 42:59 Curiosity and Communication Challenges
• 45:27 Social Media
• 53:56 Political Perspectives and Personal Experiences
• 1:05:21 Health and Holistic Approaches

Transcript

 I feel like curiosity is met with aggression. like even since I was a child, curiosity is consistently met with aggression.   For me, I was grateful because I learned early on that you can't trust the system and the system does not care about you.

the root of everything is communication.

Why are we so disconnected? We do not know how to communicate. 

  I want to be hated. And so I know that sounds really weird, but to be hated is to show up so radically authentic

 you can just see it in life. It just feels like too. You're always on the outskirt. You're never really in a friend group, right? You're always different. I'm part of everything, but I'm part of nothing at the same time

the expectation. Yeah. If I could flip it even and look at all the, like, Things that were supposed to happen,  we always have our way and then there's God's way

we are tools and everything that we do and I'm like, okay. And it definitely does not go as expected. It doesn't, no. It's, I don't even know why I've tried to plan anything. 

 

 ​

 Well, welcome to the podcast. 

I'm loving your, your fit today. Thank you. I think the fit is what the kids say, right? Yeah, that's, I'm trying to be a Gen Z. Well, I have two Gen Z's that live in my home. Do they think you're cool? Yeah, actually. Yeah. How's that possible? I love my daughter. She's so cute. She's like, I watch all your TikToks and I'm like, Oh, look at this one.

This one has like 8, 000 likes mom. Oh yeah. , it's fun. I think they're fun. I've never been, so I'm what you would say is an elder millennial. I think you would be too, right? How old are you? I'm a middle. I'm 88. You're, oh, I'm 85. Okay, so you're a bit older. Oh, I love eights. Okay. Anyway, that's a side number.

I fucking love eights. Me too. but yeah, so I'm like an elder millennial and I really couldn't handle like that whole talk about Millennials, like Millennials, Millennials, Millennials. And so like the Gen Z thing, I'm like, who fucking cares? Like they're cool. Yeah, like I feel like we've shared a lot of Gen Z marketing.

Mm hmm, and we're like, yeah, this is our jam. It's very chaos. It's very marketing me too. I don't know. I have known For most of my life. I am NOT here for my peers Yeah, like I do feel like I'm here for whatever future generations are being birthed because these peers are kind of  You know, I have a lot of friends though who are like closer to 50.

Oh, me too. I have a lot older friends. And then, but I do feel like my words are here to have impact on younger generations versus like No, I feel like I really relate to like  Teenage girls. Yeah. And not in like, that sounds creepy. Not in a weird way. Not in a weird way, but like, I really do, like, I can see myself in them, and I love when, like, I'll get a message that's like, your outfit's so cute, and I know, it's like, you know, a 20 year old girl.

I'm like, oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah, yeah, I've never understood like dressing. I'm air quoting here your age either. So yeah I feel like when a 13 year old comment compliments me i'm like Whoa. Wow. Thank you so much like that. Like you're so cute. You're like, I know Like oh my gosh, really? Am I cool? Yeah  But that's because like 13 year olds probably the most judgmental Age group in the entire world probably you're probably right.

So if they like you You Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift.  Let's not talk about Taylor. I'm a dedicated podcast to her. She's a projector. Guess what? We made it through election season. Like how many times did we say we just have to make it through election season? I'm so grateful. I am so fucking glad. I am excited about the results of the election, but I also think if it had gone the other way, I would still be really grateful to be through election season.

Yeah.  Yeah. How are you feeling about it? Well, people are coming back to my social media. Not that likes matter or anything, but I have noticed  I think some of my rants and stuff, scared some viewers away. You don't post at all on your feed. No, I don't. You're just like exclusively stories. I know I'm a story girl.

Yeah. But I'm going to be sharing my words and my life on my feed here soon. What if you took some of those story slides and you made them into like carousels? Well, that's what my friends keep telling me. And I'm like, you watch, you wait. Because when it gets up there, you know what I mean? It's night and day difference in my life.

So  I'm just cooking in the oven a little, like two weeks longer. Okay, so you gave yourself a date? No, well now I did.  Cause when people are like, Oh, I'm not ready yet. I'm like.  You're never going to be ready. Um, well I took some photos and it was the first photoshoot done in four years. And I wanted to ask you Who took your guys photos, but I don't want to know. 

Shayley.  Oh, she's really nice. I like her. She's sweet. Okay. That makes me so happy. Yeah. And  she's cute. We'll talk about that off camera. And she's, she's  She's beautiful. It was fun, it was fun, and  She's so sweet.  I, so four years ago I stopped posting, like if you, I have one photo from the last four years.

Yeah. It's like a selfie, but the rest were like 2020 and I had a vision then, it's like, get off social media, like you need to incubate, you have to get away from this reality you've created. And, you know, source universe will let you know when to come back around. And so I'm finally, but do you feel like it's finally time?

Oh yeah. It's finally it's time. It's. And so I just, I'm waiting for those photos to come back and I'm going to just be like,  yeah. And then you're dropping your own podcast, right? Yeah. Dropping my co creating co creating. Can you say anything about it? This will come out after yours. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Cause this will come out Sunday. We moved it to 12. And you guys are dropping. Okay, nevermind. Should we not talk about it? Or can we talk about it? I think we could talk about it. Okay, tell me about it. Let's talk about it. Um, so it's called the Real Cosmic Joke and we're doing it, I'm doing it with Jalyn Schroeder. 

Um, and the whole idea is to really bring curiosity and conversation to the light of the world right now. So what's happening politically, you know, I think there's wrongs and rights on both sides and there's no neutrality and this like more conscious conversation about, all right, that policy was created.

I mean, based off trauma or something, you know, or here's some facts, here's some intuition and you know, what's wrong with our food industry, our medical industry, our  politics, education, leadership, like all these different topics.  And just, Having fun with it, you know, life is not that serious. I think that's cool.

You know what I like too about Jalen? She's been on my podcast a couple times. Um, she's the hungover episode. I know a lot of people have listened to that. It's my most listened episode about me coming out of my alcoholic closet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But she's a great person to have like a conversation with because if you disagree or something, you can actually have a fucking conversation.

Yeah. You know, you're not labeled. We'll circle back to politics. You're not labeled as like, you know, a homophobe or like anti this or anti this or racist, like all these things that people say if you don't agree with like their specific like view on life. Yes. Yes. Yes. She's a beautiful human. And, um, I think you're the same way though.

I am. I'm like, okay. Yeah. And then if my words trigger someone, I often just, well, I feel like I'm here to share truth and I'm a manifestor in human designs. If you know what that means, I'm here to initiate.  And so if people aren't ready for that, then it is what it is. And also it's not really my problem.

Yeah. Cause the divine sent me. So whatever. That's fucking cool. You're lucky.  But okay. Fun story about Jalen.  So I went to her house four years ago and I went on a mushroom journey.

It was the most profound mushroom journey of my entire life. Oh, rad. And you have, did you ever talk to her like after that? Or was it just like, we talked a little bit, but it's like,  I literally, when I walked into her house, I was like, wow, you're my age and you're living in this type of home and you have this type of career.

They were like living in that parade home, that multi million dollar home. And my age. And I was like, this is possible. Yeah, totally. And it was almost, I was thinking about this last night, like the universe was. Like, oh, you want this type of life. You want to be bigger and more involved in, you know, whatever, like you need to get your shit together.

So it's almost like the last four years I've been going through a ringer and it's so fascinating that I've circled back and, at your event, ran into her and I was like, wow, that's divine. That is actually timing. And it's like, I'm the version I saw of myself in that mushroom journey is a version that I'm becoming right now.

Like even deeper. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking cool. It's pretty cool.  That's pretty cool. Yeah. Well, I'm excited for you guys. Thank you.  We're going to synergize together.  I think you guys will, all of us will. Okay. So we've made it to our election season.  I know that's still a little rough out there. I've been really surprised with like the amount of relationships that, you know, we've had  are like imploding and maybe it's because right now we have like, , a hyperfix, what's the word I'm looking for?

We don't have a hyper fixation, but  maybe like we can see it to so many people's lives like via like Tik TOK, right? Oh yeah. So maybe like this stuff has always been this like volatile and angry and maybe we just didn't realize it was happening, you know, cause it was more like it was behind closed doors.

Yeah. But now like people are publicly broadcasting it. I don't know. What do you think? I think we took the most vulnerable population, the feminine energy, and then pushed a shit ton of propaganda and created mental illness within them. Yeah. And so I think that we're just seeing the side effects of like this mass brainwashing.

And the, and here's the thing is,  Like I think both sides have their faults, but I think what we're seeing is just like this toxic feminine come out And it's not this like well, there is no right side like let's just close that,  there's no single right religion There's no single right politic political party.

No, there's no like That just doesn't exist in the world. Yeah, I've had a lot of relationships blow up the last two weeks and I'm like, I'm on your side. I know, I was really surprised. I'm on everyone's side. I was like, what are you talking about? Like, I'm not coming for your marriage. I literally was like, what in the world is like,  Yeah, what are you talking about? 

And here's the thing too, is, you know, the leadership that's in place, like one, we do have to hold them accountable. Two, they need a,  Some divine awakening and more compassion in the way they're showing up and And three perhaps we did get bamboozled and I'm open to being I mean, I didn't vote you guys, but in the case that the leadership ends up really fucked up, like I'm open to discussion.

I'm open to change and being wrong in so many places. I'm open to that. Yeah. Well, I mean, there's always things that like will have been wrong about, okay. This just popped into my head. Okay. Do you remember? Cause I can remember this. We were at my grandma's house. It's actually, it's my step mom's mom and her name is Beth and she's the cutest little old lady.

Like she probably like hits me like below my nose. Okay.  Cutest little old lady ever.  And you're sitting there eating and like, you know, someone had the newspaper out. So I was like a kid and they were like, Oh my God, did you guys see the eggs are like the worst thing possible for you? Do you remember that?

No. I'm trying to be an egg influencer someday, so yeah, keep going. Like they were saying the eggs cause heart attacks, the cholesterol, and you weren't supposed to eat them. Remember, they came out and said they were horrible for you. I've seen the articles today, but I did not remember back in the day. I don't know why, like I just, like that memory just popped into my head.

 They had one of those. It was very like the kitchen was, or the table was in the kitchen, you know, like just a little room. And I remember them like the newspaper, like, did you guys see this? And they all had a conversation about how eggs were bad for you now, but we know that now we know that is not true.

Oh yeah. Which I'm sure that was some sort of propaganda political, but they said cigarettes were good for us. Like there's so many things that they said was good for us. That  cocaine in Coca Cola was good for, you know, if RFK brings that back, I wouldn't be mad. Yeah, you know, I, I used to be addicted to cocaine and so I really do like it, but I gotta stay away from coke if that's a thing, you know what I'm saying?

Actually, no. Yeah, I might, might take a little sip. I've only done coke a couple times, so it was definitely one of those where I think if it was readily available, I would have been like, sure, you know? Yeah. Oh, I just did a bunch of coke when I ran out of my Adderall prescription back in the day. Oh, yeah.

Which I would do it in like two or three days. Yeah. And my full prescription, like 30 milligrams would be gone in like two days. Damn. I'm surprised I didn't die. And then I'd just go get cocaine and  I'd stay up. I mean, that's what addiction looks like.  Yeah, it was, and you probably like got a high from like getting that prescription bottle and then like, then you take it all and you went through the cycle and then you're like, shit, I got to go get drugs. 

It was a fiend.  I mean, I literally, it was a method, like some of these meetings, I'm like embarrassed to even talk to these people again. Cause I, I basically was like a crackhead.  Just be like, I'm clean and sober now. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Hi, what do you want? Okay, what are we doing next?  Yeah. And they were like, oh fuck, she is on drugs.

Yeah, she's fucking on drugs. Not anymore.  Hey, that's okay.  I am sober, you know, I was really sick last week and my doctor gave me, , muscle relaxers and the codeine cough syrup. And instantly my brain went into that hyper fixation, addictive mode.  No, but the muscle relaxers, which I needed them. Like I needed both of them.

I was so sick. Remember I got laryngitis and I couldn't even like get a breath in. I also got put on steroids. Like all these medicines that I feel like I'm now detoxing out of,  I'm coming out, like my brain is working again. I mean, I was fucking sick, you know? And so it was like, and then, , I locked both my SI joints.

So I was in so much pain. And then I would start coughing and I have to tell you that as a whole new hell that I wish that no one ever has to go through. Yo, it's that to higher timeline. The body was purging last week. Yeah. So it's like, I needed this medicine that they gave me, right? This was like a physical, like, this is really going to help me get better.

Like, so I had slept through the night for like five days, you know? Oh, wow. Yeah. And I was just starting to get a little kooky, but I did. So I took the muscle relaxers, I took the code and cough syrup. And then it was like, Oh, I'm starting to feel better. And I was like, I wonder if I could take more, you know?

And then I found myself like counting how many muscle relaxers were in this bottle. And I was like.  Oh, fuck. I like this. I like this. So what I did was I gave, , I just gave him to my husband and he just put them away, and he's like, we need to throw your back out again. We'll have the muscle relaxers and I'll just, I'll just get out a couple of pills for you.

Okay. Well, and I knew I wasn't going to take them. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because I'm like way past that point. And it's just not who I really am, like there's alcohol in our house and like I'm not, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. But for some reason I just, it was my brain started to obsess that like I had this, you know what I'm saying?

Oh girl. It's it's obsession. It's yeah. It's, it's yeah. I get that. I get it. I felt so stupid though. Like I have to tell you how fucking stupid I felt. I was like, I can't even have cough syrup in my house.  You're like, I like this, this is good shit. This is like some Lil Wayne stuff. Oh, I was like, oh, this is who I am.

You know, so I've been kind of going, working through those emotions.  I feel myself addicted to things still. Yeah. Like it's ,  yeah, it seems like it's an ongoing relationship.  Like I, so I was sober for six and a half years, like didn't do anything. I mean, I did some mushrooms here and there, but  didn't do alcohol or anything, prescription.

And, I've now, you know,  I'll have a glass of wine from time to time. I haven't had one in like two months, but it's not an obsession with wine anymore. And I always told myself if I'm going to try to integrate this back in, and if I can't do it in a healthy capacity, like I'm never touching it again.

And it's been surprising, but I also realized if I have more than one glass of wine, I feel stupid.  It's like, it's fun to have one glass, but then anymore, like my body actually doesn't crave that. Yeah. I know as an alcoholic, that's a very slippery slope. So I don't plan on ever like integrating it back.

Well, I didn't think I was ever gonna, I was like, I'm not drinking for the rest of my life. Like I would drink a 12 pack in a day. And you know, like I was an alcoholic for sure.  But I, yeah, I don't.  I realized I was just putting a label on myself and, and me, this is just my journey. Like I realized that like this six year mark, I kept calling myself sober and I was like, Oh, that's just another  like ego trap.

And so I wanted to test my ego trap out. Cause I'm like, how much of me is like, well, look at me. I'm, I'm sober this many years. Look at, you know, and I was like, is that pretentious to me? And then, you know, I, I meditated on it for like six months. I was like, okay. Let's just see what happens. And so I did a ceremony and brought it back in, in like a really beautiful way.

Very ritualistic. But,   yeah, if I ever had any out of control behavior around it again, I would never bring it back into my life. But if you were to give me an Adderall pill,  I would never take an Adderall pill cause I would fucking go ham on it. I would. You'd be like, right back at you. Yeah, like that was, that was my real, you know, my real love.

You know what's funny is, I'm just like a big, do you like nicotine?  No. And caffeine?  I'm an addict to caffeine. Yeah, but what's funny is like, I don't really like the uppers, I really like the downers.  Okay, we're opposite. Yeah.  Yeah. I'm like, how can I feel more sad and depressed?  Yeah. I'm like, how can I be awake all the time?

 Okay. So tomorrow I'll be six months sober. Yay.  There's this thing they talk a lot in like recovery about is how you get like kind of angry around like your sober date. Do you remember yesterday when I was just like, I'm just pissed off and I didn't actually realize that was why. Oh, wait, why? Why did they say you get angry?

 You get, so this is what I was, I can only speak for myself, right? So I was feeling super frustrated and I get frustrated because I'm like, why am I like this? You know, why can I not have cough syrup at my house? Like, why am I like this? Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?  But when,  I can step back from all of that and kind of disassociate a little and be like, well, actually like, It's kind of wild that all these people go around drinking the shit, you know?

Oh yeah. Like I'm actually doing something like really brave and amazing, but it's weird. You just, you get like pissy. Yeah, that makes sense. And it's a lot of work and a lot of effort to go to these meetings, to get up every day and meditate and to get up and do the readings, to check in with my sponsor.

Like it's a lot of fucking extra work and you just start to get a little pissy with it. That makes a lot of sense. Cause it,  It's a whole new habit, so you have to, you have to work at it, right? And it's, it's like, you've been on a healing journey, but this is the next step. And then, and eventually your body's just going to become accustomed to it.

Yeah. When that day happens, I'll be nice. Okay. I was listening to this though. Okay. So I was scrolling the tech talk this morning, you know, I actually, I give myself 30 minutes of scroll time in the morning. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Cause I like it. I enjoy it.  But I saw this video and it was really cool. It was a rabbi.

Like he had the really long white beard and you know, and I don't know why, but I stopped and listened. And he was talking about how people, um, that are alcoholics and all that. And like, he's like, he said it way more eloquently than I'm going to. Okay. But he was saying that the problem is, is people with any addiction, If you really get to know them, they have come to like self,  self accusation.

Oh my God. Actualization. Oh my God. Self actualization. Self  actualization. What? Self actualization. Yes. Self realization.  But it's what you're saying. Yeah. All of a sudden I can't say that word. And so they've become aware that like, they're, you know, a higher being, they have like a soul in them and they've become really aware that they're not really living in this body.

And the thing with them is they want to do anything to shut that off. Oh, and that makes sense. We were numb. We numb ourselves. And that, that made so much sense to me. Yeah. Cause the universal ones are power taken away because we are so powerful. Yeah. And it, but it's also like very difficult to live with this realization that like, you're not here, but you're here and you feel like fucking crazy too.

So crazy. It's, , I mean, you can just see it in life. It just feels like too. You're always on the outskirt. You're never really in a friend group, right? You're always different.  And people are like, oh yeah, you're part of this and this, and it's like, I'm actually part of nothing, and I don't really, I'm part of everything, but I'm part of nothing at the same time, and it's That's probably why we get sucked into the idea of cults really easy.

Like, I could probably get tricked into a cult. I would pray. I mean, if there was a sex cult, I might join for like a few weeks. They have those. I know. I want to just join one. I lost a friend to it.  No, true story.  Really? Mm hmm.  Are they still in it? I don't know what she's doing. Um, I know that she ended up  going to, what's the behavioral?

Like she checked herself into psych. She didn't stay.   And we would like, she'd be telling me things. She's like, I really want to share this experience with you. And she's like, and then I was out of my body. And, you know, I'm like, so she's going to these.  Ritual events every weekend and you're drugged out of your mind, but she thinks she's like going through a pussy portal Oh like an enlightenment.

Mm hmm. I don't really want to join a sex cult. I'm like, well, you're on drugs now You're a drug addict now. You're living.  I mean like psychedelics Release serotonin. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's a high. People are addicted to that high.  And it's the same as sex. Sex, drugs, alcohol, food, right? It's like that boost of energy and people find them.

They start to find themselves in these. things outside of themself. Yeah. Like, I haven't done psychedelics in like a year and a half. I'm, it, I think it's part of people's journey if they choose it, and also I don't think it is all it's cracked up to be. No, I've lost another friend to,  spiritual drug use is what I call it.

Well, they're brain breaks. I call them brain breakers. Yeah, to the point where, you know, She's addicted to ketamine, but it's like now she's shooting it up at home. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, where are you getting this? You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. And, but she's always like on the next level, the next trip.

And then I find out she's been hospitalized for a long time. And then, you know what I mean? But she was the healthiest, beautiful, like most beautiful person ever. And then now she looks like a cancer patient. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen a few friends.  What's so different than shooting, being a heroin addict.

Come back from psychedelic journeys.  I,  yeah, it's a tricky road. I think a lot of people are disassociating from it and, and they're not getting back into their bodies. No. After they come back. Well, you're experiencing psychosis at that point. Yeah. And it's kind of wild.  Okay. So what's kind of on your mind today? 

Okay, so I'm doing this cleanse I told you about. It's, um, Jampa. Jampa. com. Is this the one where you keep being like,  the monks? Yeah, the monks send it. Okay, what's the site though? Say it again. Okay, it's Jampa. J A M P H A. com. Okay. So,  I'll just give you a little backstory, because it's so fascinating. And this is a long form podcast, right?

Yeah.  So this group, , this guy had a childhood, like a spirit guide he called Jampa. And it meant, I guess in Tibetan it means like divine love. He ended up finding that out when he was later in life. And he's like, whoa, this like spirit guide has like, Basically brought me through life.

And,  and then he started creating these tinctures, these t Tibetan tinctures.  And the Tibetan monks found out they're in India now because it got, pushed out of Tibet, the Dalai Lama, Tibetan monks. And they're like, holy shit. This, like what you've created, we lost this knowledge 500 to like a thousand years ago.

So like the Tibetans lost their own knowledge and this guy. through his spirit guide was able to literally pull the knowledge from the divine and create these tinctures. So the Dalai Lama, like sent a monk over to partner with him. And so they're creating these blends that literally you can't like technically say they've cured things, right?

Well, yeah.  But people have.  They've gotten rid of their, their cancer, their MS, their brain diseases, their everything.  So I'm doing this whole cleanse right now, and it's a blood cleanse, it's a lung cleanse, a head cleanse. Do you have to like eat a specific way, or are you just taking the tinctures? Yeah, I eat healthy in general, but it's just the tinctures.

There's a protocol each day, and I have been taking it for three weeks, and I truly, because of my drug addiction and alcohol use, this is the first time in my entire life. I feel like I've been in my body. Like I feel like my inner child energy has just like come back to life. I've been tired my entire fucking life.

Yeah, i'm so tired And i'm not tired. That's cool. I know it's exciting and I also feel like I got hotter so  My skin is better But my brain is better. Yeah, i'm excited to be alive. So that's my thought today. I'm excited And Oh, that's cool. Yeah. What's your thoughts today?  Well, I was really thinking about like discipline and just different things this morning and how like our routines kind of create our lives, you know, but what I actually really wanted to bring up too was, how I ran, I did the snow Canyon 10 K this weekend. 

Yeah. And, I have to tell you, I've been really irritated with it. So I had this vision in my head when I ran my first race, there would be like this blissful moment. And remember now I had laryngitis and both my SI joints were locked. Like I was, that has to have been the hardest run I've ever had out of all the runs I've done.

And I was like pissed off because I was like slow. Like 18 minutes slower than what I can run a 10k in. Oh, wow And I felt like shit when I crossed the finish line. I was like profusely sweating right because I was sick And like I have to tell you like I was just thoroughly disappointed in the whole thing So you're so this morning you you're disappointed but also you're like I want more discipline So listen, yeah, these are my two thoughts that are going on right now Is I was really, really proud of myself because I started running in May, right?

So I haven't never ran my entire life and I'm going to be 40 in February. And so I just kept seeing like the first time I did this race would be this major thing to me. Like, Oh, I'm going to be six months sober.  I'm running like, and it was just going to be this glorious moment and it wasn't at all.

Oh yeah. So the expectation, the expectation. Yeah. If I could flip it even and look at all the, like, Things that were supposed to happen, you know, in like, well, we always have our way and then there's God's way. Right. So my way was that it was going to just be this glorious, like, Oh,  I was going to look like this amazing athlete as I crossed the finish line.

And, you know, I can be like, I did that. That's for sober Sam. 

Yeah.  but instead I was like, oh, fuck this. But the cool thing was is my husband was there and my son was there and my sister was there and my nephew Jameson was there and they were so excited to see me. And then, you know, the other miraculous thing that happened, my friend Sharon.  I hope she's okay with me sharing this. 

She could be mad at me later. , but she is on a sober journey too. And as she's struggling. Do you remember her at Friendsgiving? Yeah.  And. She's really been struggling with it, to be honest, you know, it's hard, it's fucking hard. So anyways, she had signed up to run the race too, but she doesn't really run at all.

So she ended up running and walking with me because we were like, the same pace. And we were talking about like, sobriety, and I feel like at that time, God's way was that I was supposed to run with her so that we could have these conversations. Oh wow, that gave me chills. I know, but also, pisses me off, right? 

Yeah, well, you're a tool now. You're a tool for humanity. I know, but, so, I'm all butt, so. And I still want the win. But I still wanted that.

Anyways, so, my like, big race moment didn't go as I had planned, but if I can step back and see the bigger picture, It was actually a really cool moment. Oh yeah, that's really cool. Yeah,  I'm still kind of annoyed.  Yeah, it's kind of,  I've had this, I've contemplated this a lot.  I don't know if God is God. I don't know if it's a higher source.

I don't know if it's an Anunnaki alien. I call it God and whatever it is, I'm totally down with it. And I guess we are God. I don't, whatever you want to call it. But, ,  I do feel that.  We're guided to places and conversations and people to be a tool. And sometimes it gets me really jaded. Cause I'm like, well, where's my win?

What's mine? You know, it's like moving to St. George. It wasn't like my decision really. It was. A vision told me to come here and I'm like, I get here. I'm like, okay, what the fuck am I doing in this place? I would like to be rewarded. I would like to be rewarded. I was like, give me an orgasm, give me my fucking job, give me, yeah.

And a boat. I want a boat. A sailboat. But it's , Yeah, it's been just, you know, sitting in meditation. It's like, oh, yeah, we are tools and everything that we do and I'm like, okay. And it definitely does not go as expected. It doesn't, no. It's, I don't even know why I've tried to plan anything. Yeah. That my Virgo, like any, when plans don't go my way, I'm like, oh,  I pivot, but I'm like, Hmm.

You know, and I might never really know like the full extent of like the circumstances and everything that was supposed to happen and why it happened that way. But sometimes it's like I just gotta be like, that's what was supposed to happen. Yeah.  And I trust.  I might question and be a little angry, but I trust.

Thanks, God. Thanks, Anunnaki aliens.  Okay, well, let's talk about God for a second.  I've always struggled with saying the word God, and I'm really just like embracing it now. And I think why I struggled is because I grew up like heavily, like, induced into the Mormon culture. Do you like my little arm circle here? 

In Utah County,  where I grew up as a non Mormon. and so everything I saw of Mormonism was like, that's what I associated God with, you know? So I never wanted to use the word God.  I like that. And I feel like I'm taking it back. Yes. Because why do you care? You know, like, not you particularly, but if you don't like that I use the word God, when people have used the word God in the past and I didn't like the way it was sitting with me in my head, I would just think universe or higher self.

Yeah. Well, it's just a projection, right? When people don't like you using the word God, it's their own religious trauma that they haven't worked through, I think often. And I'm like, Hey, I, I worked in my religious trauma. You know, I used to be an atheist. Like  there's something bigger than us.  I think, and I think we're all connected. 

I don't have a definitive answer what it is, but I do feel divinely guided.  And I feel like my ancestors, spirit guides, some higher power leads me in the direction I need to go. Well, and you know, I'm sure I pray to God every day though. Yeah. That's what I'm like. I'm just praying. And I know that stuff answers back.

And I know that things happen. And I think to be like, to have a clear vision of God, I don't think that makes any sense because it's not even in the same dimension that we're in.  Yeah. So I think there's things that we can't perceive outside of our reality. Oh, I agree. Oh, speaking of which, what do you think about the aliens in the ocean? 

Oh, I'm down for them, yeah. Yeah? Well, I, I, I didn't research them because I've already known about aliens forever. So I, I heard the topic of conversation, I just never,  I didn't go deep into it. So yeah, well now,  there's tiktoks about it and so it's kind of fun, but I've been like reading about aliens since like 2019.

I've been obsessed with aliens. Yeah, they've been released. The documents have been released for a very long time, but people don't want to research and then they just want to call you a conspiracy theorist. You know what I want though? Okay. Well, I'm not calling anyone a conspiracy theorist. I want to be abducted.

I want to be abducted. But I want Donald Trump to parade out an alien and be like, here you go. It's here. You know? Oh, that might be project blue beam though. What's Project Bluebeam? Where they're gonna have a fake alien holographic and they're gonna use it to control the narrative. Oh.  I'm actually down for whatever.

I would like to be abducted and probed a bit.  Have I ever told you my abduction story? Is this too much for this podcast? Have you been abducted?  I don't think it's abducted in the sense of like abducted, but I know that like I was not in my room for a period of time. Oh, okay. Yes, it probably is an abduction.

Let's go. Tell us. I don't think it was an abduction. I think that this is Yeah, I think they were helping me. Oh, okay.  I'm going to sound so fucking crazy right now. I think reductions can be good. I'm going to sound so fucking crazy right now, okay? But I fully believe that I had a heart transplant on an alien ship.

Oh, tell us more. I sound so fucking crazy saying it. No, you don't. I've never even believed anything more real in my life. I went to sleep and I only remember bits and pieces of it, right? And then I woke up in my bed, it was like 4. 45 in the morning. I sat straight up and I was like clawing at my chest.

And I just remember being like, UGH!  Like that, and I remember having a conversation with an alien being and they were telling me we're taking your heart we need to fix it and I could see it like, you know, holy crap. And they had put this gel on my chest and I could see it all like healing up and I was looking out this window and I could see earth like this felt more real to me than like being alive does.

Oh yeah. And I'm like, I know I sound fucking crazy. So either it was a vivid dream or it happened. Yeah, I don't think it's crazy at all.  And I said, you're gonna do that thing again so I can't remember and she said, this time we're gonna let you remember a little bit.  Wow. And I was like, it was very mean too, I was like joking with him and I was like, you stupid like alien nurses, you know, like, and they were like, Ha ha ha, you're so funny.

But they were like, look out the window. And I can remember looking out the window and then I sat straight up in bed. It was like, no time passed. Holy crap. When was  this would have been 20, like 2021. Wow. Yeah. And I'm telling you, that felt more real to me than anything has ever felt. I did a breath work,  session and I got beamed up into a spaceship and, it was one of the most profound experiences of my life and it was just. 

I, like everyone in the spaceship was, I went through multiple layers to get there and like, no, keep going up, keep going up. And then I went and there was like a spaceship and they beat me up. And it was like this deep remembrance of who I am and why I feel so isolated. And that, I don't know. I feel that way too, so isolated, you feel so alone.

Yeah. And this planet that. I was birthed from, in a way, in a different dimension, no longer exists. Like, my people live in a fucking spaceship. Like, they don't have a home. Do you know what I mean?  And so I wonder if we're from the same spaceship. It's just like this lost tribe that goes around planets. I feel like I'm a space traveler.

I don't know what that means. Yeah, I don't think I have a home. I think I kind of just have put it like the book on the shelf for lack of a better term, because I got so tired of people being like, I'm a Palladian queen. And, you know, like just all the weird toxic spiritual shit that's been going on the last few years.

Yeah. I did just read a book this weekend about Palladians. I mean, I think they're cool. I love looking at the Palladians. They're so pretty in the sky. I like crop circles, and so that's how I knew I was partially Palladian. From a crop circle? Yeah, crop circles are Palladians. Crop circles are messages from above.

They're true aliens. Have you seen how they're made? Okay, but hold on. Have you, ever listened to anything from Dolores Cannon? I love Dolores Cannon. I've been hypnotized via the QTHT. Okay, but have you listened to a lot of her books? Yes. Have you listened to the one where she, the guy, well, she never channels it, like it's the person retelling under hypnosis memories that they have.

Oh, probably not. I've read her Jesus books. And they talk, oh, the Jesus books are good. Her Jesus books. That's what I actually love about Dolores is it wasn't just her being like, this message was channeled from a Palladian starseed. Yeah, she recounts it. You know, it's just, she's literally just. People under hypnosis are telling her stories about like their past lives and she's just writing it down.

What did this one say? Okay. About crop circles and stuff. The one that I heard it was this guy, like he had some sort of anti gravity tool, so a lot of like the rocks formations and things like that, he was like, there's just fun little art projects. Oh, it's really cool things. So that sticks in my head.

Cause he's like, it was just like a little, like they had anti gravity, you know? I had this vision once and  I was told that the reason that planet earth is so diverse is because every single part of planet earth resembles one of our home planets. Oh, rad. So the home, so there's somewhere on earth that resembles the geography of your home planet.

Well, and doesn't the Bible even, I don't use the Bible as like the word, just so people know, but the Bible talks about how God took pieces of other earths. Well, that's news to me. So my visions must be right. If God got them right. We don't know how much of the Bible came from God. Okay. So this book that I read this weekend was written in 1992 , bringers of the dawn.

And I knew there was a lot of truth in it cause I started getting chills as I was reading it. But one of the things, the hot topics that no one likes to talk about is abortion. And I'll be honest, I've never, fully prescribed to one side or the other because I think it's all karmic. And I was reading in this book in the chapter called tyranny and they talk about literally politically what's happening right now on our planet and they say when  women, when they realize their divine intuition and their power, they're going to wake up to the realization that they actually have the power to say, I do not want children at this moment in time, and they will not have children.

That's how powerful the feminine intuition is. But obviously that takes a lot of work to get there. But they're like, abortion, in this book, this channel from Pleiadians, they're like, abortion is a non issue because a woman has ultimate control when she realizes that. Oh, that's interesting. That's fascinating.

Yeah. And I'm like, I resonate with that. I do think,  the topic of abortion, I don't know. Like, I'm just like, mmm, I don't really know. You know what I mean? I, I really don't. I'm not anti, I'm not pro.  Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think it's a karmic decision if you make it, and I also think it's between you and God.

I also think that there's ethics that need to be happened. I don't know what you were going through when you made that choice. Yeah. I have no idea what your life was.  Yeah, and I do think, you know, I do think there's a timeline where we should probably not be doing them. That's a hard line for me. That one, I'm like, cause I watched a story where this woman, if the baby can live outside of the womb, committing murder.

She held a baby for 45 minutes as it died.  And she's like, I would never do an abortion again. But that's late term, you know, yeah, it's a touchy stuff, , subject. And I just think it, you know, I've never been that experience. And I know a lot of people that I love have, and I think it's all between you and God and source and we can make it easier and ethical.

And also when women love themselves, if we just taught,  like, if we changed our whole education system and changed the whole entire world.  We wouldn't have to put ourselves through those lessons. Like I wish we could live in a society where lessons weren't there. Did you listen to the JD Vance interview with,  No, you know, I don't listen to the podcast. 

Okay. Well, JD Vance is my homeboy. Anyways, he was on a podcast. I want to say it was Joe Rogan or it was with the Yvonne. I can't remember which, but JD Vance really got into, he's like, I want to make America. He's like, I don't really want to, you know, he's like, Trump is,  You know, Trump and me have said like, you know, we are more pro life.

He goes, but JD Vance is like, I don't know what you've been through. And he goes, well, anyways, he got down to the core of it and he goes, what I want to do is I want to create an America where it's like, why do these women feel like they need to get an abortion? You know? Or why are we not more pro family?

Or why is this situation happened? And he's like, I want to create a world where, you know, this woman feels really great about bringing a baby into the world and where the man isn't, you know what I'm saying? It feels hopeless for so many people. It feels very hopeless. And he's like, that's what I want to get to the core of.

I liked that. And I was like, I loved that. Look at his wife, like go Google his wife. Usha, I think is her name. I don't know how to say her name. Just,  You can look at her energy and just feel the divine feminine. And so I truly believe like, I don't know him. I don't know his home life, but I feel like.  When you have a divine feminine on your side, you make really conscious decisions instead of these like emotional political decisions.

And so I want to, I want to hope that he's going to go about this all with more curiosity. I'm a big JD Vance fan. Me and my cousin and my sister, we were all sitting there like in the bleachers watching my son's football game and we were like whispering and I was like, and Jake's like, who are you guys talking about?

And I was like, yeah, I totally hit that. And my husband's like, who the fuck are you guys talking about? And we're like, JD Vance, president, and he's like, who's JD Vance? And I'm like, the vice president, I think he'll be present here soon. I don't think Trump has much longer on this planet. Well, no. And he can't run again.

Well, legally no, but I, no, I can't. I mean, I think he's gonna be like, killed off. Oh, that's an interesting theory. Yeah. Well, he's too divisive and I think we needed some disruption to think, bring some things to light. And I just,  I, I truly don't know if America can heal with him at the helm. And I think he's put together some good teammates and some people I question and and I just, I think he knows his timeline.

I think his, I think his timeline's almost up and I think jds Yeah, I have no idea. It would be cool though even if I'm calling it now. So take this. Take this as a prophecy.  No, I'm just kidding. I'm not a prophet. I'm not a prophet. She's like, how do I start laughing? I am your guru now. High five girl.

That was epic. I would like to see him, you know, possibly, I mean, we'll see how he does his vice president, but see him run. I could see him running for president. I would like him in JFK on an independent ticket, 2020. What is that? 2025? Wait. 2028.  2029.  Well, you would take off this 2029, but you'd win in 2028.

That was a lot of math. I had to do some girl math. Girl math! I'm like, so, we just voted and it's 2020. And I'm like, wait, no, it's 2024, but it's 2025. But it's really 2019. His timeline shifted, and we are like, bad. No, everything that's happening right now, like, just some of the stuff that I see coming out, like, I'm like, this is everything that I thought would happen in 2020, but didn't.

Yeah. So I find it really, it's just fascinating. It's fascinating. It's so fascinating. I'm just so grateful for this new timeline. I fucking love whatever's going on.  That's like, give me more! Oh, I keep seeing like, cool posts and things where it's like, America's back, and it's people just being happy being fucking American again. 

And you know what the cool thing about America is? Is I do think that we are diverse, I think we are very inclusive, and I think that we fucking are amazing people. You know? I think, um, we collectively have a lot of shadow work. , the people who are blaming other people with these labels, on either side.

Mhm.  They really need to be looking at themselves and a lot of these labels are so superficial. And it's, I really, I wrote about this in my stories that you told me I need to make a post someday. But,  it, the underlying thing is we don't know how to listen. We really don't know how to communicate with each other as a country.

And so I think, I hope this next election cycle brings a lot of, curiosity to each other and we can come back together when the time is right.  I feel like just, I can only speak for myself personally, right? As I feel like I do have a lot of curiosity, like, oh, why do you think that way? Or can you tell me more about that?

But I feel like curiosity is met with aggression.  Oh yeah. And I think even in religion, like even since I was a child, curiosity is consistently met with aggression.  Oh yeah, I was the most curious child and I was, I was like literally squished by teachers. And I mean, for me, I was grateful because I learned early on that you can't trust the system and the system does not care about you.

Well, see, I used to go to the Mormon church, and go to my ward or whatever and go to the meetings because I was curious, you know, as a child and my mom would like even drop me off. Like she was like, if you want to go, go, you know? , but I just remember every question I had was met with.  Why are you asking this?

You just have to have faith. It was met with aggression. Like they thought I was like. You know questioning like everything and I was like, oh, I was just curious like what you thought about blah blah blah Those are the kinds of discussions I wanted to have when I showed up at church You can't be curious.

You cannot have those fucking questions when you show up at church You you can't be curious anyway anywhere and I feel like that even now i'm like, oh I would love to hear more about why you think that or Oh, that's interesting. Tell me more but it's met with aggression. Oh, yeah, I experienced that All the time.

I've lost a few friends the last two weeks and I'm like, I don't know if you would even use the word like lost a few friends. Like, I think we should look at it differently because I've been going through the same thing and I want to view it differently. I like that perspective. What? It's like an infinity symbol.

Like they're going to come back around. Well, yeah, and it doesn't, it doesn't matter. Like maybe, you know, it's like, you know, maybe they're just moving over to Chicago.  The thing in Utah is everyone is interconnected. Everyone went to fucking high school together. Everyone grew up with everyone. Like I don't care where you go.

If you're a billionaire versus you're working at McDonald's. Every single person in the state is so interconnected that you can't get away from them. So you can be like, Oh, I don't like you today. Or like, we're not friends today. But four years later, that person's going to come right back into your life somehow.

I don't even know how. That's Utah though. It's a high school. I just had to do something where I had someone very toxic in my life. I had to block them on social media, and then they were like aggressively coming at me via text, and I ended up blocking her phone number as well. Yeah, I've had to do a lot of those.

And that was really fucking hard for me to do. Cause I was trying to respond with love and kindness, but I was like, you have hurt me over and over and over again, and if you can't see this, like, please stop texting me. Yeah. Oh, well I'm not saying they're coming back to stay in your life, I'm just saying  Those people might come back in conversation. 

 Yeah, I've triggered a lot of people in my timeline and I think perhaps it's one of my roles. And I read this, this meme one time about human design and it said an emotional manifester is here to trigger their, trigger the emotions in other people. And I was like, Oh, that makes sense. So if you haven't dealt with your emotions, I'm going to highlight that.

But here's the thing is, like, why can we not, and I mean, I'm not saying that I'm really good at this, but why, so like, let's say, like, I emotionally get triggered by something you say or something you do, right? Why can I not, like, just be like, oh, that's interesting.  Versus, fuck you, Baytop, you know? Well, we don't know how to communicate, myself included.

That's why I'm I'm going to be, there's a shaman. I know that she's been through like 20 years of communication and shamanic practices. She's not like a new age. Like just did,  she teaches a community communication course. Cause I was like, I need that tool. I don't know how to communicate. I just, I've never learned how to communicate properly.

I've read a book. I read, you know, articles online, but I don't know how to communicate healthily. And have those intense conversations and I want to be able to do that better. Yeah, so if you'd like to sign up  I'm actually really curious about this. Yeah, cuz it  we owe to ourselves to be better. Mm-Hmm. . And like the root of everything is communication.

Why are we so disconnected? We do not know how to communicate. One of my favorite college courses was, discernment in online communications. Oh. So I have my degree in online communications. Oh, wow. Girl. Yeah. Very cool. I know. I just wanted to bust that out. Oh, I didn't.  I knew she was smart. No.   And the way that we communicate through technology, 

I also got my degree. I always like to throw this thing because I'm really proud of myself. This is one of my proud moments. I got my degree when I was 30 while I was working full time with two kids. Hell yeah. Congrats. I think it's kind of cool. That's very cool. Um, and the VA, so I was using the post 9 11 GI bill from my husband to pay for college.

And they said I got three years of paid college. So I did my four year degree in three years. Oh, wow. Perfect. I'm just saying, you know, I can be motivated. Yeah.  But one of my favorite classes was like, discernment. And I thought it was gonna be so stupid when I saw it, like on my,  you know, what do they call that agenda curriculum class schedule?

I don't remember. I was like, that looks fucking dumb. And it ended up being one of my most favorite classes ever. They're like, you see something, why don't you need to step back and constructively think about it? Yeah. Not just take it as like face value or take it as like, you know, fuck that. Like it was, how can you like.

Discern use discernment. I like that. I feel like discernment is often lacking.   I have a lot of friends who are very loving and their lack of discernment has gotten them into some pretty tough situations. And I'm like, like, stop dressing everyone. Oh. And, that happens, but then I'm like, oh, well you'll figure it out.

I don't need to teach you. I just couldn't just hold space for you. I,,  I think just like childhood trauma and all this stuff, like, and you know, trauma in my twenties, I have this. Discern my discernment. I, I wanna say it's very high and I'm like, Hmm, nope.  Shady handshake, shady eyes,  you shady motherfucker.

Maybe that's a wall  . Well, I am, I'm trying to give more people grace to show up. 'cause there is imperfection as being human. But I also as a manifester, like. I'm not here to be liked by everyone. I'm not here to have everyone in my inner circle. Like, I'm here to work with the people who resonate with me deeply, and we just grow together.

I just saw a post. I feel like messages come through posts a lot for me. Like, because I'm spending time online as a social media manager, you know? She's addicted. She's addicted. I know. Can they see the wink, you think? I am addicted.  But I try to set healthy boundaries, and I recognize my addiction. I'm just joking.

Something I work through. Listen, guys. Hi, my name is Samantha. I am way too self aware,  but I do think I get messages through it and I saw a video yesterday. Did I send it to you? It was like about being in your villain era.  Wasn't it that guy that drives around the Rolls Royce in the Nevada desert? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know who he is, but he fucking cracks me up.  Anyways, he's like, these signs are moving into their villain era. And I don't know why it just like that, like clicked in my brain for me, it was like a checkpoint for me. And then I just saw a video too, where Elon Musk was talking about how it's a character deficiency to want to be liked.

Oh, he's like, that's a care. Like character flaw, like you need to fucking pull that out of your system and I realized like so much of my last year I've been running on that program of I just want everyone to like me, love me,  and you know, they're constantly like, I'm over giving, I'm like, you know, basically pouring my guts out for them and it's still never good enough.

And I was like, Oh, I see what's going on here. Like it finally.  My two words are my two things I want to show up this year that I read about on our Instagram story. I'm going to have to wait for it to come back my memories to share it again. But, I want to be outrageous and I want to be hated. And so I know that sounds really weird, but to be hated is to show up so radically authentic.

Yeah. Cause it's, if I offend you. Well, I accomplished my whole goal this year. Well, yeah, and I've had some stuff go semi viral on TikTok, you know, like 200, 000 views or 300, 000. That's big. And so I get those like weird ass comments and I was like, how am I, cause that's always been a little bit of a fear, you know, like what if people fucking hate me?

Yeah. And then I'm just like, Oh, that's funny. You know what I realized? Like, it doesn't matter.  I was talking to my friend and I told her I would rather. Some random stranger hate me in the comments, then someone who knew the version of me 5 to like 8 years ago sends, you know, hate. Cause I'm like, at least these random strangers have like no perceived identification of who I am.

Whereas like your, I don't know, I think a lot of times our past friends can like hold us accountable for  who we used to be and not who we are right now. Oh, I mean, that's true. There's this one girl that like consistently pops up in my life and she was really like when I was really heavy drinker in my early twenties.

 not that I wasn't in my late thirties, but I just, you know, it's more, it's more obvious in your early twenties cause you're out and about  versus like just getting drunk in your backyard.  But she would constantly just like make comments about like my drinking, you know, Oh, Samantha's drunk. And she's still like, I've still seen her make comments about it on social media.

Yeah. I just want to like slap her. She's saying you're drunk. She's just implying that like, you know, I'm a drunk and I'm like, but that was the version of me that you knew then. Like she just makes comments about past me as if that's current me. Does that make sense? That's it. So I literally have been clearing.

I deleted. 1, 000 followers on Instagram and I unfriended 2, 500 people on Facebook and I have another thousand to go. And I don't care what relationship we had in our past life. If you are not here for my future, if you've not supported me in the last year and a half of my whatever in between phase, like, yeah, I, I don't have space for you.

You can work your way back into my life, but I'm no longer giving permission to these past people. Versions of of who I was in a relationship with you. Okay, but you know what else just saying that?  You okay So like you're doing this mass unfriending or whatever and if you unfriended me and like I noticed like that's kind of fucked up That I would even notice, you know and like be mad and I Sit with that.

I want people to sit with their Yeah, you know  Where have you been? You've been silently stalking me for the past two years? I would have no idea if, like, I friended by a shitload of people. I thought about posting just, like, the word red on my Facebook profile.  Why? Just because of all the people I know that would just, like, instantly unfollow.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just do a Trump hat? Yeah. I  I'm a Trump girl and I'm not like scared to say it. I, yeah, I think he's got a divine mission here and I think he's very imperfect human and I,  in the case I would vote, I would vote for him. Um, I voted. I did put a Trump hat on my Instagram stories so I could,  cause I want people to unfriend me. 

But that, why though? Like if someone is posting like, well, when people are posting like pro Kamala stuff and things like that, I would just like observe it. And I just, you know, yeah, well here,  I'm afraid you go fuck yourself. I just was observing it having,  I don't know if I said that, Oh, maybe I didn't last podcast, but maybe people haven't listened.

Like, I was, I ran for chair of the Democratic Party and I'm the largest political organizer in the Utah State history. Four Democrats and one of the biggest organizers in the country. Like, I was on a FBI watch list. Like, I've been on some, I've had some crazy attachments. Wait, how do you, how does the FBI, like, do you, do they inform you that you're on the watch list?

They took in one of our  Comrades. Tell me more. Tell me more. They took in one of our comrades and said everyone in our group is part of the FBI watch list right now. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was just wondering, like, do you get an official letter with, like, a stamp? No, it was like, you tell your friends, you're all being watched, and, Okay, sorry.

Keep going.  I forgot what I was saying. You were on the Democratic Party FBI watch list. Oh, so, so a lot of times people are projecting like, well, you're this and this and this. And I'm like, I have done so much for people. I've done so much in this state for like, I'm not gonna, I'm not trying to sound like a victim, but like brown and black communities in support of like the political left.

And my curiosity was met with, like you said, aggression years and years. And I, I want to say from my age, I'm probably one of the most bullied  People in the Democratic Party in the state of Utah at this moment like I have been. That's wild. Smear campaigns It's it's just disgusting. You're telling me that people are mad at you because of the stuff you're posting in your stories I'm like, oh you're posting these really beautiful thoughts Thank you.

And I'm like, what is she like? What would make people mad about that? Oh, they're so mad. They call me handmaid's tale But they're projecting onto me like I I've never been in their shoes and I have and so that's where I'm coming from is You I know what you're feeling and saying, and, and the level of propaganda I was fed eight years ago, this is why I come back to it, so when, when people are like, We can't be friends with Trump supporters, I get that because that's how I was.

And it's because I was fed so much fear propaganda, that the other side was literally out here to kill me. And when I thought they were here to kill me, I wanted nothing to do with them. Like I was, I was on the FBI watch list cause we hacked into security cameras all across the state to track ICE vehicles.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I have a rally sign of a giant little finger, you know, that on a fuck Trump rally. Like I hated the dude. I thought he was Hitler. Oh yeah. I hated him in 2016 and I voted for Killary.  And,  that's the last time I voted.  And, but I get the fear. You know, they exploit us. Like I, I grew up in a broken home.

I didn't love myself. I was exploited in college. I have Karl Marx tattooed on my forearm. Like that's fucking commitment.  I was a socialist. I was a communist. You know, I used to rally with them in DC. I was a radical and  And it was all because I was brainwashed because I didn't love myself. Yeah. Because they, and they know that, they know that, that's how they get these people.

So you were like projecting like your hate, like at the system? Oh yeah, but I hate myself. Yeah, that's what I'm like. Yeah, I hated myself. That's what, kind of what I'm feeling. And so this, so many people,  so anyways, I get where they're coming from because I was in that emotional state. You can't do anything about it. You can't change their mind. Honestly, hanging out with them isn't going to help you or them at this point. Like, these people have to go inward and truly spend the next few years healing  because we need feminine energy on this planet and we need to get the political left, which is a feminine.

The right is a masculine. It's more logical. We need the both sides to come into hard spaces so we can come back together. I think my thing too is like what maybe these two People don't realize, but again, I'll just speak for myself. Okay. Like I'm not going to like say this whole group of people thinks a specific way, but for me personally, like, if you really feel like your rights are being taken away, like I would be the first person who would like take a bullet, you know, like, let's say they were coming and they were going to rip your marriage apart and all these other things I've been told, like, I would like be the first one, like throwing fists at police officers.

And, you know, Yeah. And I'm like, because I'm getting full body chills because like, that's the thing is I would defend your right to believe that, I'm a fucking military wife. My husband did 20 years, three deployments. And I'm like, you can't tell me I don't fucking love this country. And what maybe you guys, you know, some of these radical left people don't realize is how much we love them and how much we would fucking do for them.

Oh, we would Ooh, chills. I got chills too. Speak girl. Kiss, mic drop.  . I just don't think they realize that. No, I fucking love them. I love and I fucking love this country, and I love this country, and I love, I'm so, you get, and I hated this country. I hated this country my whole life. I fucking love that. You get to be atheist or maybe you get to be extreme radical Christian.

I fucking, you know, maybe you wanna live in the polygamy colony here in Utah. Yeah. You know, like, I'm gonna defend your right to do that, even though that's fucked up, right? ? Yeah. Maybe like you want to, like, you can fucking do whatever you want. As long as you're not hurting people, you know, like I mean, you're right to do that.

The political left it's   cause I used to be there. I used to say I hated this country, but it's actually because I loved so deeply. And so I was so emotional. I didn't have  a grounded, you know, take on everything, right? It's like, I hate you, but really I'm, I'm, I'm pushing it away because I love you so much.

I don't want to be hurt more. And so people are saying they hate this country, but I know they fucking love this country. I know it. Otherwise they would not be this emotional with what's going on. Yeah. Do you watch Charlie Kirk? I do like him. Have you watched him where he went around to campuses and debated?

That was, those are cool clips. Those are good clips. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, it just reminded me of that because people are like, well, I'm going to move. And he's like, okay, then go move. Where are you going to go? Where are you going to go? That's better. Yeah. It's not.  I'm to see oppression. Why don't you go to Afghanistan?

Jake has told me that's my husband for those of you guys listening has told me horror stories from his tour of duty in Afghanistan.  I would not want to be there.  You know, He's like, they're starting wars over rocks. He's like, the women have to, when our convoys would come through, they were required, they would have to squat on the ground and fully cover themselves.

So we couldn't even see like that line of their body. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen, have you seen the before and after pictures of the Afghanistan revolution or whatever? It's so sad. It was such a, it looked like from the photos. Beautiful. Yeah. Like in the 70s, they were just wearing sundresses and cute hair.

Coca Cola t shirts. Coca Cola t shirts. Yeah. Super cute. Very,  and now it's, but here's the thing too, is that I get the fear in the left, right? They think that with the right winning, that's going to become radicalized. I said that on my Instagram. I said, if you really believe that I have a lot of compassion for you because I can't imagine how you're feeling right now.

Yeah.  But also we just have to hold space because they hate us.  Even though I feel like I'm still on their side all the time, but, and it's almost like we just, it's an addiction, right? Like, when I had to Go through my deep dark addiction like my family was like we're not dealing with you anymore, right?

Yeah, and we can only help someone so far. Yeah, and I so I get why they would and it's almost like but here's the Thing is my family was in so much trauma date when I was ready to come back. They didn't accept me So oh, so  what I realized now is I do want to accept people because we are imperfect. We're all trying to grow.

So you go have the next four years to heal and I really hope you go internal. And then I'm here to hold, even if you said you hated me, I'd like, I'll still be here. I know. I'm like, I would still defend your rights as a person, just as a physical human being on the planet earth. I'm kind of like a golden retriever, if I'm being honest.

So like, you can't really stay mad at me for long.  You're like, let's get some treats. Yeah, I was like, let's just go eat some food.  My friends have a golden retriever, and on this last trip we went to, I swear, all that dog did was chase rocks.  Oh, in the water? In the water, yeah. Oh, yeah, they do that. They're so weird.

And I was like, this dog's so fucking weird. But then, you know how TikTok shows you things you're talking about, you know? Then I started seeing all these TikToks of golden retrievers who like to chase rocks in the river. Aw, cute! They do do that. I have a corgi though. I love my corgi. Corgis are cool. I like them.

She's a baller. You know they got thick skulls? Yeah, if she'll ram you. I've noticed. Yeah, well, cause they're used to being kicked by, you The cows and sheep.  Yeah, she always wants to like, herd things, I've noticed. And she catches,  rats all the time.  You have rats at your house? You probably do too. I don't.

We would never have rats at our house. I'm just fucking with you, I don't know. You might not know where you're at because you're in like a townhouse community. Yeah, I have an HOA and they do a lot of the prices. We're like right there on the edge, so yeah. We actually got some in our shed this winter and they  ate the wires in our lawnmower and it was so bad because we had to buy a brand new lawnmower.

You can't like Dang, can you eat the rats? I'm not, I mean sure. I'm all out there like with a spigot on a campfire. If shit came to it, I guess I would. Yeah, I mean I would just like to sample one. No, but my dog,  she's like killed several. That's cool. Yeah. Dude, they're meant for, I had Australian Shepherd mix, which is basically, you know, similar breed family.

Yeah. And she would catch mice all the time in the house and just like, The other one was like a basset hound mix. It was like,  yeah, she only catches them outside the yard Oh the other dog we have is like some sort of chihuahua mix. You've seen her. What's her name again? Charlie charlie  She's so old. She only has a couple teeth She's gotten so like It was just like I would say two weeks ago all of a sudden it was like she was old old like she can't catch treats anymore and like she's When you put her struggling to jump up on the couch, you know, and I'm like, oh she got old old Yeah, it's that timeline shift.

I'm like R. I. P. I love you, baby. Oh I got a little teary actually when I was driving here today cuz I'm like I'd say she's still got a couple years left, but you know, I'm like, it's just, it's sad to see. It's like my grandma who's gotten really old. , I have so many special memories with my grandma, and so I try not to think of her as how she is now.

Your grandma is still alive. Yeah, she has Parkinson's, so she's just slowly getting worse and worse, you know. Still living independently though, but it's Oh, I can connect to her jumper. If she wants some tinctures, she's, nah, I would not be open to that. I don't get it. I mean, you know what I mean? It's signed off by the Dalai Lama.

Yeah. But okay. My grandpa passed away a few years ago from brain cancer.  Yeah.  No, actually most of my grandparents are still alive.  But you know what the emotional root of brain cancer is? That's where my mom died from. , I think his was like something to do with Mormonism,  but like none of his family was Mormon.

I'm wondering if that was it.,  He's a lot of fun. So he likes to appear.  He does? Yeah. Well, okay, wait real quick. The root of brain cancer, emotional root, is the rejection of patterns. Oh. So like, you know, patterns that would, yeah, so rejecting the toxic patterns that show up and be like, that's not me, that's not me, that's me.

You push them away and you actually get brain cancer. That actually, I would say is very accurate. Yeah. Yeah. Of his life. I just try to remember like all the good stuff, you know? Oh yeah, I'm just saying that  there's an emotional root to a lot of things. Yeah. Asthma, brain cancer. Parkinson's.  It's dying your eye. 

Oh, yeah.  That's the thing I hate, is I'm like, why do I have laryngitis? And I wrote last week, and I was like, it's cause I'm kind of keeping my mouth shut and not saying what I really want to say.  So did the Louise Hayes book, do you know? Yes. You can heal yourself. My throat was closing up, but I was like, ah!

Yeah. That actually, okay, so what's funny is So today's Tuesday. So it was a week ago. Last Tuesday, I woke up and I was like, I can't eat you. Cause I like couldn't get Aaron. I was like, and I started to panic because I was like, I need help and I was going to go to Instacare and I was like, they will not help me.

So I was laying in bed and I'd kind of just said a prayer to God, like God, like just point me in the direction, like where I should go because I do need medical help. But I know if I go to Instacare, I'm not going to get help.  And then my nurse practitioner texts me. Like just, she sent me a text. It was like something about totally unrelated and I was like, why the fuck hadn't I asked her if I could come see her today? 

And she was like, got me all set up. Oh, she did. Yeah. She saw me like within an hour. Oh. And so don't forget guys, there's other things out there sometimes. Yes, it's, it's, it's all, yeah, I'm not getting into a medical like discussion,  but no, I think for all problems in life, it's sometimes right.

It's like there's emergency and then there's longevity and it's, there's a holistic route is to heal the whole body longterm. And there's that emergency where it's like modern medicine is wonderful. You know what I mean?  Oh yeah, like if I was in a car wreck, I would be like, Thank you ER doctors, thank you modern medicine, thank you surgery, you know what I'm saying?

I went into septic shock,  two years ago. Oh damn. And um, well I had 104 temp, and I was like, super pale, and  I told my friend, I was like, well, you know, I think it's a mother wound, so I'm just gonna meditate it away, and she's like, you're going to the fucking doctor. I was like, no, no, no, and I get there. I feel like that's like, you need IV antibiotics if you have sepsis.

You're like, you're a few days away from death, like literally death, like you're going, your body's going into shock, like, we have no idea how you drove here, we, like, your blood levels and And pressure is so low that you should be hospitalized. That's how people just like they're perfectly healthy adult one day.

And then everyone's like, they were just dead the next day. Yeah. Well, yeah. And that gave me just more appreciation for the medical industry, but we don't, I worked in healthcare for 10 years. That's what I did before this career. There's a mix to be had for sure. Yeah.  But my point really was, is like, sometimes like, even if not looking at like medical stuff, but like sometimes like you think your only answer is like, like me, I was like, Oh, I've got to go do this, but I don't want to.

And if you'll step back, I feel like. And ask like your higher self. Oh yeah. Like all of a sudden like I got this text and I'm like, Holy shit, everything is working out in my favor. Everything is working out in my favor.  I'm divinely led. It's a fundamental core belief I have. Sometimes I forget it, you know, sometimes I like leave it at the bus stop and forget and get on the wrong bus.

But it's a core belief that I have is everything is always working out for me. Everything is always working. I feel that now. I feel like the universe is in support of my higher purpose. Like even, um, you know, like the deaths I've experienced in my life and like even, you know, all that crazy shit. I still believe like everything is working out for me.

Yeah, I feel that. Yeah.  Anyways, on that note. Yeah, what do you want to leave humanity with today? Oh,  I think just like hydrate.  You know, like I feel like hydrate For reals though! Yeah. Just hydrate. Just get that, that itch show up in your body and it cures a lot of things that you're mad about.  I mean You not can't sleep? Hydrate. It's true. You gotta start dehydrate, like literally just put that water up in your veins baby.

You know what my daughter would say to that? Whenever she's like, I'm not feeling good. I'm like, have you had water? And you probably need an apple. And she's like, what the fuck mom? Yeah, and come back two hours later and it's,  I mean apple water does a lot. Yeah. What words would you like to leave with humanity today?

 I think like, maybe like, This sounds very cliche, right? And I almost don't want to say it, but like, if you can drop into a frequency of just kindness right now, Like, even if you don't believe that, even if everything in your fundamental core of what you believe is real, Like, that's okay. Like, just fucking be kind.

Yeah, I like that. You know? Be kind to yourself. Like, cause getting angry isn't gonna help you.  Be kind to yourself. Mm hmm. I like that. I think we could practice kindness a lot. I try and do it, kindness and grace. I try and give people as much grace as possible. Wanna put all her digits together? All of them?

Yeah, we can do ten. Like this. As we close this circle Oh god. Now we're witches.  Oh, kindness, hydration, magic. Alright guys, thank you for listening to the Samantha Parker show today, and thank you, Beethoven for being here. Yeah, thank you for having me. You know the Skinky Ho? I can call you Skinky Ho, I'm a walking skink.

I'm a walking skink.  Like, if you called me a skanky hoe, I'd be like, we're friends. Yeah, for sure, we're friends. Okay, okay, I just wanted to make sure we were cool like that. I'm a bit of a hoe, so. You could be like, this stupid bitch, that's what my sister always calls me. You could totally call me that, I'm totally down for it.

Anyways, we'll have our links in the show notes, so thank you for being here. Thank you. And have a magical day, guys. Peace.