Annoying Things In Church

Listen in as we explore the quirkiest, and most annoying, things people do during church services on our latest podcast episode. Melody and Candi, discuss the odd and sometimes humorous actions we've noticed – and we're not just talking about the typical whispering or fidgeting. From the surprising sound of fingernail clippings echoing off the pews to the distracting jingle of change in someone's pocket, we've got a collection of stories that will have you chuckling and perhaps nodding in recognition. Candi even gets caught red-handed during the recording!

Our conversation is not just a recount of these amusing anecdotes; it's also a heartwarming tribute to the individuals who, unknowingly, left a lasting impression on us with their church service quirks. We fondly remember characters like Betty, who, despite her many contributions to the church, is remembered for her in-service manicure, and we pay homage to Melody's mother, whose pre-exit ritual and 'whispering' were so distinct they were shared at her funeral. So grab your earbuds and get ready for some laughter and sweet reminiscences – and maybe next time you're in church, you'll notice the quirks that make each service uniquely memorable.

Transcript

0:00:00 - Melody

Hi, I'm Melody and I'm Candi and you're listening to Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises. The things that people will do while they're sitting in a church service. That is what we're going to talk about on this episode of Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises. Now, the reason I'm bringing this up because, as we speak right now, Candi Payne is over there clipping her fingernails. 

0:00:24 - Candi

Stop it. I know Now I do not do this in church. 

0:00:28 - Melody

Well, quit doing it here. Some things are done in the privacy of your own home, and that's one of them. Clip your toenails and your fingernails at home. 

0:00:37 - Candi

Candi, that is so funny. Why are you doing that? Anyway, I'm just trying. I just because I've been meaning to do it for a while and I just hadn't had time. So while I'm sitting here listening to you talk, I'm doing it.

0:00:49 - Melody

Well, the problem is there's now fingernail clippings all over the soundboard. Where do you think those are going? 

0:00:57 - Candi

We'll figure it out somehow. We have a mini vac somewhere around here. 

0:01:00 - Melody

Oh my word, we used to have a man in our church that I guess he just didn't realize how loud it is because, like you doing that over there to me is loud or otherwise, I wouldn't have known you were doing it right yeah, but he would sit during church and take out fingernail clippers and start clipping his fingernails during the sermon I had a lady I went to church with. 

0:01:22 - Candi

Her name is betty. I can still bet. Betty did a lot of good things, a lot of great things for our church. She cleaned our church. Good, sweet, kind woman. But what I remember her for is clipping her fingernails in church while the preacher's preaching. Has she gone on to be with Jesus? I don't know. I don't talk to her anymore. 

0:01:50 - Melody

Well, it's sad that, out of all those good things and we talking about her clipping her fingernails, she's probably clipping her nails in heaven. We had a man too one time. I just don't think he realized it, but he would keep changing his pocket and he would just sit there and jingle the change. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I can't talk about those two people without talking about my dear sweet mother. No, who's gone on to be with the Lord? No doubt about it. She's up there. She always said she was as soon as she got there. She's going to head first thing to find Peter. Oh, because she said she could relate to him and his big mouth. That's her words, not mine, but a couple of things about her that was just so funny to me in church. In fact, they talked about these things at her funeral because I wanted her service to be funny. 

And so some of these things were funny, but first of all, she could not whisper. My mother could not whisper, so, if you know, she couldn't whisper, apparently not so if you were sitting beside of her. This is what she thought was whispering what you reckon he's going to preach on today. Oh no, that was her whisper. Instead of what do you think he's going to preach on today, what would you say? Would you be like? I would say I would just like put my mouth up to my lips. Like you know, it's so funny. Sometimes, though, she may would say something like why do you think she wore that? Oh, no, you know. Or something like that. So, mom, mind your own business. 

0:03:13 - Candi

That is so funny. 

0:03:14 - Melody

The other thing about her is about, let's just say, the service ends around 12 o'clock, uh-oh, about 10 minutes until 12 o'clock. She would get ready for the preparation of leaving. So she would get out her little car keys and she'd lay her car keys on the bench pew right beside of her so they would be ready to go, and she would close her Bible and make sure her little bulletin was put inside her Bible and she'd lay her Bible on the side and then put the car keys on top of the Bible, put inside her Bible and she'd lay her Bible on the side and then put the car keys on top of the Bible. So we had to get, if we had a sweater or a coat, that would have to be, you know, ready to go and everything had to be just so-so. So when the last amen was said, she's out the door. That is so funny. 

0:03:58 - Candi

Oh, it was hilarious. 

0:03:59 - Melody

So funny and she did this all the time. Oh, yes, yeah, and now she didn't do that young. This happened a little bit more as she got older, you know. 

0:04:07 - Candi

Yeah. 

0:04:07 - Melody

But during her funeral service, Pastor Dave, who did part of her service during a certain section of it, reached in his pocket and pulled out a mint and just started doing the wrapper thing. And this is what you would hear. Oh we got those in church too, but she could never get it open, so it just kept going on like this. 

0:04:32 - Candi

So did she act embarrassed when that happened? No, that is so funny. 

0:04:36 - Melody

And she wasn't deaf. It wasn't like she couldn't hear good, she didn't even wear a hearing aid ever. Yeah, but here she was. 

0:04:44 - Candi

What did your dad? Was he just like stop? 

0:04:47 - Melody

I don't even know. I got to where I said Mom, I love you, but I'm not sitting with you in church. Honestly, I was like I'm not sitting with you in church Because she'd lean over and whisper like this, right here or she's doing this or she's getting all of her stuff ready. The keys are jingling. It was hilarious. Had she ever been called out by a pastor? No, but he sure talked about it at her funeral when she couldn't defend herself. She could not defend herself. But I was trying to think of. 

I remember, um, these are just funny things that happen in church. I led choir for a long time and so one of the ladies in our choir a bee got up there and she was like terrified of bees. Is this during church? This is during church, and the choir had already sang and they stayed up there. I come down and sit down in the pew, so I'm looking at them, right. All of a sudden she takes her shoe off and starts swatting at the bee in the middle of the service, like literally swatting at the bee during the service. Oh my soul. Yeah, she started a revival. Twelve people were saved, and there's nothing like church giggles, right, I've gotten those multiple times with you, I know. 

I know, yes, I know, and it's like they start and you cannot stop, and the more you try, the worse it gets. 

0:06:07 - Candi

Oh, and then your shoulders start shaking. Yeah, that's my favorite. That is the best fun ever, except you're in church and it's horrible.

0:06:15 - Melody

It is, but then tears start streaming down your cheeks. I mean it is just and you literally cannot stop. No, Candi is still, she is still. How many fingers? 

0:06:28 - Candi

do you have? I keep trying to stop and start. I'm trying to be quiet about it. I have 10 fingers. How many do you have, I know? But you've been doing this for an hour, I thought to myself. 

0:06:39 - Melody

Nobody can really hear that Like I have my hands way down here and I'm just trying to clip and and I'm doing it while you talk, so you won't hear it. No, I'm hearing it. That's what people in church do. I know I will probably be doing this when I'm older. You have become Betty, oh no I hate to tell you, but you are now Betty, oh no. 

0:06:57 - Announcer 1

Thanks for listening to the Quirks, Bumps and Bruises Podcast with Candi and Melody. If you enjoyed the show, please take a moment to subscribe, rate, and share the podcast. You can learn more at joyFM.org. 

0:07:17 - Announcer 2

Try Peas and Carrots Podcast for more encouragement. Brian and Kayla share life from their piece of the vegetable patch. Expect to laugh, find common ground, and hear stories you can't wait to share. It's a podcast about doing life together, growing in Christ together, and learning to laugh no matter what comes your way. Search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts today.