Session - 0036 Kaz Riley Sex Educator, Award Winning Hypnotist.

Kaz and Aidan discussed the role of intimacy in relationships. Kaz explained that intimacy is not limited to physical acts, but also encompasses emotional and physical connections. Kaz agreed, noting that despite the societal expectation that men should be 'macho' and emotionless, men also seek connection and intimacy. Kaz emphasized the difference between the masculine and the macho, the former being an inherent part of a man's identity, and the latter being a societal trope that doesn't represent all men

Aidan and Kaz discussed the challenges of challenging clients' models of the world, particularly in regards to sexuality and education. Kaz highlighted that a significant part of the problem is the shame and ingrained beliefs that prevent individuals from openly discussing and educating about these topics. Furthermore, they identified authority figures such as parents, teachers, and religious figures as significant influencers shaping people's perspectives, often carrying on generational shame. Kaz emphasized that these authority figures are doing their best with the information they have and the shame they carry.
And yet thats not all, there's lots more for you to discover, learn and enjoy all on the Professional Hypnotherapists Podcast. 
http://eaph.ie

You may Contact Kaz Riley on the following websites:

Sexual Freedom Hypnosis
https://sexualfreedomhypnosis.org

The Sexual Freedom
https://sexualfreedomcoach.com

Orgasmic Minds
https://orgasmicminds.com


Music Used is by:
https://soundcloud.com/ashamaluevmusic2/my-world?in=ashamaluevmusic2/sets/piano-music

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Transcript

Aidan Noone:
Hi, Kaz. Thank you for joining me today on the Professional Hypnotherapist Podcast.

Kaz Riley:
It's I'm I'm delighted to be here finally. I know we've, tried to make it happen for a while, but here we are. So,

Aidan Noone:
Well, we yeah. We just met at the Irish Hypnotherapy Conference last month in in Dublin, which of course was organized by John Scanlon. So we made our acquaintance there. And, you know, I've been going going around different people and trying to get them on the podcast, and I have great success indeed. So, Kaz, you're based tell us where you're based.

Kaz Riley:
I'm based upon in the Pennines in, in Huddersfield. I won't say sunny Huddersfield because it definitely isn't today. So I'm a Yorkshire last born and bred, but my my client base is a global one. So even though I work from the top of the hills, I get all over the place, in terms of my sessions and my teaching actually as well.

Aidan Noone:
Right. And, of course, once you have a good Internet connection, you can work anywhere.

Kaz Riley:
Absolutely. Yeah. In fact, goodness of the Internet.

Aidan Noone:
Because you're known as the sexual freedom coach. Tell us about that.

Kaz Riley:
Okay. So, my my kind of area of specialty is helping people find their sexual freedom, whatever that means to them. So I define it as the choice, and choice is kind of the keyword to have consensual satisfying sex life in the absence of gate, of gate, guilt, shame, and, sexual dysfunction, whatever that means to them. So that means different things to different people. And my role as a hypnotherapist and sex educator is to find is to kind people down that path so that they can get their sexual freedom. And that covers a whole host of things for men and women. Everything from erectile dysfunction and vagismus to people having crippling shame around sex, that can stop them even thinking about going into a relationship in the first place. So it covers a wide variety of things.

Kaz Riley:
And I kind of, coach and help them through that to get them to where they want to be.

Aidan Noone:
And it's it's an all encompassing, discipline that you're involved in. And, you know, there are you're probably the you are a specialist, you know, where there aren't many other specialists in that area. So it's a very specialized area. What brought you into that?

Kaz Riley:
Well, lots of things. I mean, I'm an adult, and I have an interest in sexual things like most adults do. I, used to work a lot with fertility clients, and I discovered that a lot of those clients, were having fertility treatment because they had a sexual dysfunction of one kind or another. In particular, things like vagismus and erectile dysfunction. And really just kind of an interest. It was an area that wasn't very well served. It was an area that I didn't feel I've been particularly well taught in. You know, only because, I guess, it's not very served, you know, particularly well served.

Kaz Riley:
And really just a passion and fascination when I saw people who were helping to overcome the sexual dysfunction or get rid of their guilt and shame. I just realized that it that there was a real need for that kind of work. And being the kind of, loud Yorkshire woman that I am, you know, I can talk about things very directly. And, actually, I learned that that was a real asset in this kind of area because frank conversation needs to occur, And, I'm good at frank conversations. So part of it, I think a lot of what I do actually happens during that first conversation where people just feel safe and can finally kind of, talk about this stuff really openly, without worrying that they're gonna offend anybody or upset anybody or be embarrassed in any way.

Aidan Noone:
So there are, snowflakes, no snowflakes.

Kaz Riley:
It doesn't help, but I can help people not be snowflakes when it comes to this. That's kind of the point, I guess, isn't it? Is that they can, yeah, really embrace that part of themselves. Uh-huh.

Aidan Noone:
And that you shoot from the hip as if where you you say it as it is.

Kaz Riley:
Yes. In life and in therapy.

Aidan Noone:
Well, a good good maxim to to to hold. The whole area of, you know, guilt and shame, I can imagine that it's a huge aspect of, you know, sexual happiness. If I want to and and if I'm expressing myself, you know, incorrectly, you correct me because you're the expert. It's a huge area. It's so how much do you deal with that? You obviously you deal with that all the time.

Kaz Riley:
Massively. It's I mean, it it's the biggest block to sexual happiness. And it's certainly one of the biggest blocks to sexual fulfillment because in society, we're taught all the time what's right and what's wrong. There are trends of what everybody's doing and, you know, what everybody's not doing anymore. There's masses of just bad information out there about sex, and most people's sex education was based on either religion. We're not knocking religion, but religion doesn't usually talk positively about sex. It usually deals with that in a shame based way. Sex education at school for most people is just don't do it, or if you do, something terribly bad will happen.

Kaz Riley:
Women are led to believe that if they're sexually active, then they will be less than. People will think less of them. They're gonna get a reputation. And men, the kind of society tells them that they should be, you know, they should be virile and strong and, you know, want to have sex at a moment's notice. And none of that's true for anybody. So, you know, that kind of, misinformation live leads to masses of shame and then, of course, guilt. So shame says I am bad. Guilt says I did something bad, and sexuality and actually fundamental to having a good outcome for a client who's looking to find their sexual freedom and to function sexually in a way that works for them.

Kaz Riley:
So yeah. Huge.

Aidan Noone:
Yeah. And have you ever had a client come come to and not know what they actually want?

Kaz Riley:
I think we all get clients that come to us and not know what they actually want. We we get I do get clients that do that. They don't know really what their sexual freedom means for them. Yeah. And often, they're kind of thinking what it might be according to what society's telling them. And that might be that, you know, that they they, well, on one hand, we're taught that we shouldn't be promiscuous. And then on the other hand, we're kind of being you're certainly youngsters of today. I've been taught more that, you know, sex is kind of a more meaningless thing.

Kaz Riley:
I'm kind of in the middle between those two things. So I think it's about helping people be comfortable enough in their self that they can make the choices that are right for them. Regardless of what society's telling them or what everybody else is saying or what they think they're doing, we all had the thing in the playground when we were kids, didn't we, where, you know, everybody was doing it when nobody really was or very few people really were. And that doesn't change in adult life. It's kind of interesting. We're still given these narratives about sex, Hollywood and pornography. And so people don't even know what good sex is, never mind what they want from sex. The, you know, the often their their view of it is so skewed that that's where we start is kind of talking about what good sex would mean for them.

Kaz Riley:
And often that's not what they thought it was. It's not being able to be like a porn star, for example. It's more often wanting to do something that's connecting which has got very little to do with what Hollywood shows us.

Aidan Noone:
Exactly. And, you know, you deal with obviously, you deal with men and women. And you've authored a book, the the a woman, how to find and understand and embrace her sexual pleasure.

Kaz Riley:
Mhmm.

Aidan Noone:
Isn't that correct?

Kaz Riley:
That's correct. Yes. I did.

Aidan Noone:
And you're giving a course you're giving a course actually in Las Vegas, next in in, when is it? In in July, is it?

Kaz Riley:
In July. Yeah. I did the I am running the workshop for that book, which I'm really excited about because it's, a 4 day course which take people through that process. So we cover all kinds of things within that, including the things that we've spoken about like shame, but also getting into an erotic mindset. I mean, people often have shame about their thoughts. You know, thank goodness this isn't the matrix and we don't have the thought police. But, you know, people often worry about the thoughts that they may have. And sometimes they've even been punished for them in the past.

Kaz Riley:
You know, they've had to go to confession and confess that they had a a perfectly normal thought. It's just a thought at the end of the day. So, you know, there's all kinds of stuff that way. But, yes, that that book and that work shop is only for women. Well, I always say smart men would read the book, Aidan. Yes. But, it's aimed at women because in an area that's already underserved, female sexuality is even more underserved. And the stuff that's out there is often about being brought to a level or an expectation of what they think men expect.

Kaz Riley:
And really and truthfully, what I found most men want is just for their female partners to be happy and having a good time. They don't care what society says men want. They just want their their their partners to enjoy connecting them intimately and sexually. So it's really to help people do that.

Aidan Noone:
Right. And you mentioned there about intimacy and about, sex. Are are they both the same or are they different?

Kaz Riley:
They're different, but they're connected. So intimacy, we can have social intimacy with our friends, you know, that's not at all sexual. We can have financial intimacy with people if we share a bank account or the bills and all of that kind of stuff. Again, nothing to do with sex, and lots of other kinds of intimacy. But when we talk about sexual intimacy, it's not necessarily the physical acts of sex. It's about connection. It's about sensuality. It can be everything outside of penetration and of course including it but it's not it's not just about a physical act.

Kaz Riley:
It's about a joining of minds and bodies and, values and all kinds of wonderful things that when we're, you know, we're intimate with somebody, it's much more than, just having sex. We know, for example, people that are hooking up on some of these dating apps, you know, these hookup apps, necessarily feeling intimately connected to the person that they just hooked up with. That's more of a physical thing. The work that I do is much more about the emotional and physical aspects of sex rather than just the physical.

Aidan Noone:
Mhmm. Mhmm. And it's an all encompassing I mean, human beings, we are sexual beings. It's part of our identity. And men out there, as you touched on out there, you spoke about the whole area of pressure from outside, you know, the the expect maybe it's societal's expectations or or, you know, the macho man.

Kaz Riley:
You know,

Aidan Noone:
I always say that, you know, big boys do cry.

Kaz Riley:
They do?

Aidan Noone:
Comment on that.

Kaz Riley:
They do. Big boys do cry and, you know, this idea that men are sex machines that, don't care, and they don't want to be intimate, and they don't want to feel connected. And yet we look at what drives most human behavior, and that is actually seeking connection. And, you know, that's why sex probably is one of the biggest things that will destroy a relationship or the lack of it because there's a lack of connection there, physical connection. And when we look outside of the bedroom, of course, there's obviously there's usually a breakdown in in connection in other places. So to to to kind of, you know, this kind of macho, I think there's a difference between being macho and masculine. And, you know, men by default are masculine because they're men and women are feminine because they're, because they're women. And, you know, that's the beauty of the dance between the sexes, isn't it? And and also, you know you know, that that that masculinity, that masculine energy doesn't mean that you can't cry, doesn't mean that you don't want to be held or loved or connected.

Kaz Riley:
And I think that's where society has got kind of a bit skewed where macho and masculine are being put under the same umbrella when actually they're very different things. 1 is 1 is, a trope, if you like, and the other one is about, you know, just what it be means to be a male. And that obviously encompasses many things because like women, all men are different and so they should be as well. Yeah.

Aidan Noone:
Indeed. Now, Kaz, you're an award winning, hypnotist. Mhmm. You work with clients, as you said, all over the world.

Kaz Riley:
Mhmm.

Aidan Noone:
And, you know, it's it's I've lost my train of thought there. Let's say you've worked with, clients all over the world. And, in in terms of, split between the sexes, would would you get more men or more women to come to you coming to you?

Kaz Riley:
Okay. So I work with both. And if I'm being honest, I tend to get what I advertise for. So, you know, if I'm putting out information that's aimed at men, I'll get more men. If I put information out there that's aimed at women, I get more women. I would say overall, my area of focus is probably on female sexuality, so that's where I I get more get way more, interest from women, probably because I speak to that audience. And that's because of one video actually that I put out during lockdown, which was called can hypnosis help you orgasm. And we did, like, a live demo of showing how hypnosis can indeed help people orgasm from somebody that was in, you know, a different part of the country, fully clothed, and that really that just took off on the Internet.

Kaz Riley:
So about 200,000 views into that now, and it's brought me hundreds and hundreds of clients of women needing help to orgasm, which tells us that that's obviously an issue for a lot of women. And I know it is from the from the work that I do. But, yeah.

Aidan Noone:
You describe yourself as a sex educator. Now in the in this world of, you know, if you wanna call it sex and therapy.

Kaz Riley:
Mhmm.

Aidan Noone:
Some people may get get the wrong impression as to what you actually do, you know, in terms of, so you're a sex educator, which I love that term because it it takes away from the whole area of, you know, maybe being a sex therapist. So is there a difference?

Kaz Riley:
Well, there is. I mean, there's a difference in terms of qualifications for a start. So in the UK actually you can call yourself a sex therapist, without having a sex therapy kind of qualification. I I'm a sex educator. I'm a qualified sex educator. So, and that that for me is about educating about sex. And then I'm a hypnotherapist with a specialist in working with sexual issues. What I don't have is a degree in sexology.

Kaz Riley:
You know, I I come from the 3rd the the hypnotherapeutic standpoint of the work that I do. And I'm very clear about that so people know who I am and what I do. So when they're looking for the help that they want, one, if they've already gone down the sex therapy route, the sexology route, the, psychosexual route, which is often what they find on the NHS, They know what I offer is slightly different. And also being a sex educator means I can go out to places and educate about what good sex is. I do an awful lot of miss myth busting, and I also get the kind of the a younger audience, you know, the kind of the 18 to 25 audience that will come and ask me the questions that they don't want to ask anyone else. So I get a lot of, my kids are both in that kind of age group, so I get a lot their friends and things come in and ask me the questions that they don't wanna ask anybody else simply because they know I'm not embarrassed about it, and I'm happy to talk about that. So, you know and it's interesting. We think we've got good sex ed in schools, but I'm telling you, we don't.

Kaz Riley:
So I guess what you could also say, Aidan, is for me, I'm a sex reeducator because a massive part of what what I do within my work is actually reeducating the adults that come, to my office either online or physically. Because usually a big part of their issue is that they've got bad information. So a good example of that might be if you're a man who thinks you've got premature ejaculation, for example, and you believe that you're supposed to last from penetration to ejaculation for about 20 minutes, which is what most men do believe when we look at the research. The research also shows us that the average is about 4 minutes. So, you know, just that piece of information can make all the difference because then if you get a lot of anxiety about that, then that has a huge impact on how you might view yourself in your sexual functioning. Similarly, if you're a woman and you believe that you should orgasm upon penetration, we know that only 18% of women do. But I get lots of women thinking that that should happen, you know, at that this magic call moment Yeah. Every time.

Kaz Riley:
So, again, just reeducating with that kind of information gives us a much more, realistic basis to then build their sexual function from where they're not trying to reach a goal that for most people isn't attainable. So it's in that reeducation and education aspects of my role is key to the success of my clients.

Aidan Noone:
Excellent. And you mentioned that you're coming from the hypnotherapy, background. And to to what extent, Kaz, you know, does hip hypnotherapy and hip hypnotic trance, what role does that play in your work?

Kaz Riley:
It's a huge role. If we think about sex outside of hypnosis, sex is kind of a trance that's shared between 2 people anyway. It's that kind of altered state. So to help somebody through the difficulties that they might be having using hypnosis transfers beautifully beautifully into the bedroom and also allows us to dig a bit deeper. So it allows us to get rid of, the shame because just talking about why we shouldn't have shame doesn't get rid of shame. We need to do the work around that, and a hypnotherapeutic intervention is ideal for that. And, also, in terms of things like building confidence, getting people to communicate, rehearsing things, taking control of the muscles of the body, for example. All of those things we know.

Kaz Riley:
We've got bags of research to support, actually, that, you know, work even more profoundly when we're using that. When we're using hypnosis as our delivery method. So it's essential to what I do. You know, that's why sexual freedom hypnosis is sexual freedom hypnosis and not sexual freedom therapy. Because the hypnosis is such a key aspect of it.

Aidan Noone:
Mhmm. And, would you teach your clients hypnosis?

Kaz Riley:
I teach all my clients hypnosis. So I I teach them self hypnosis or get them to realize they do this anyway. It's because again, we can if we help them with triggers, positive triggers, self hypnosis, anchors, whatever we wanna call them, they're great tools to have that they're not having to think about in great detail when they need them. I always say the simpler that we can keep those things, the better. Because when you look at some of the techniques that people have been taught to reduce their anxiety sexually, they're quite convoluted or they're having to think of something outside of the bedroom. So, for example, the one that men are often taught is to think about their favorite football team and recite all the names just to kind of distract themselves a bit. When we want the opposite to be happening in sex, we want to be engaged and connected, not feeling like our brain, our mind's gone somewhere else. So that trance part of it and teaching my clients that in a way that's congruent with what we're trying to do is really important.

Aidan Noone:
And an idea that comes to me is the whole area of context. Mhmm. You know, that everything is contextual.

Kaz Riley:
Mhmm.

Aidan Noone:
And so are you you're teaching your clients, you know, that's what's their you know, imagining that they're in the bedroom or whilst they're in the bedroom. Is that correct?

Kaz Riley:
So sorry, John. Could you repeat the question for me, Aidan?

Aidan Noone:
Yeah. In terms of context. Mhmm. That you're you would be teaching your client, you know, as if they were in the bedroom whilst they're in the bedroom. Not actually there, but, you know, during in trans.

Kaz Riley:
Yeah. In the same way. So if we've got somebody with a flying phobia Yeah. Once we've done the work with the phobia, we'll then run them through various scenarios where they're on a plane, the plane's landing, the plane's taking off. So this is exactly the same. And it's it's a really great question because people are often like, oh my god. You tell that you know, tell these people to imagine that they're with their wife or their partner. Well, yes.

Kaz Riley:
But how else how else are we gonna give them the confidence so that they can test that? Now just to be clear, because these these are questions that I sometimes get is that if somebody comes in for weight loss with me or smoking cessation or a phobia, at no point are they ever taken through a scenario where they might have an orgasm or the you know, I get them to think about something sexual. So these are only with my clients, my sexual freedom clients, which is the majority of my clients now, but it's it's specific to the issue that they are here for. And, yes, everybody remains fully clothed the whole time. You know, the mind is a powerful our most powerful, sexual organ, and we're just teaching clients how to utilize that. So I always say it's no different really than working with somebody with anxiety. It's just that their anxiety is attached onto sexual things, things that happen inside their bedroom. And as much as we would like it to, anxiety does not stop at the bedroom door. It goes in well with them.

Kaz Riley:
So that's you know? So, yeah, all of those things, I'll have people imagining all kinds of things, feeling arousal in their body sometimes, but they but, obviously, it's done with care and consent and ethics and all the things that we should be doing with all of our clients anyway.

Aidan Noone:
Oh, yeah.

Kaz Riley:
Yeah. Yeah.

Aidan Noone:
Absolutely. From the therapist point of view, I suppose, would you comment about the importance of the intake? How significant is that to therapy in your and specifically in the work that you do?

Kaz Riley:
In my I am a in-depth intake taker because it's really important. 1, it gives me the opportunity to start having that frank conversation. So it allows me to break down a lot of barriers going through that process because I'm asking a lot of direct questions and the clients will answer in a direct way. It also helps me to understand what's going on with them, especially because they do usually have a lot of misinformation. So the way I describe what this allows me to do, Aidan, is in hypnosis, we so often talk about the client is running the wrong program or the client has got a glitch in the program. And with sexual issues, more often than not, they're just running the wrong program. So if I don't know what program they're running and then reeducate them with the new one, it doesn't matter how many glitches I fix. They're still gonna be running the wrong program.

Kaz Riley:
So that's why that's so important. And also, often it's a time when we think in the world that we live in now where people still, although more openly, they might be gay, they might be lesbian, they might be wondering if they're trans, they may be wondering if they're asexual. There could be a whole host of things, and it gives them a safe space to talk about that freely where sometimes they've never been able to do that before. And often, you know, through that intake process, by asking questions, they're able to reply honestly. And then for them, that's actually a big burden that's lifted off their shoulders.

Aidan Noone:
You know, in any work that we do as hypnotherapists, we do a lot of challenging the client's model of the world. Mhmm. It's probably the same in the work that you do.

Kaz Riley:
It is. It's challenging it and offering a different view, isn't it? I think. Yeah. So, and allowing them to see themselves as a sexual being without any shame. And that's actually the biggest challenge, I think, in terms of their view, because for some people it's so ingrained that they should feel shame. Even, you know, even to the point where people who desperately want to talk to their children about these things to educate them can't because they're too embarrassed to talk about it. So, yeah, there's a huge amount of challenging their model or the view of the world, but also offering different viewpoints that, that that allow them to sometimes we we know we shouldn't cease these things in a certain way, but we don't know what alternatives they are to see them. That's the problem, isn't it, sometimes?

Aidan Noone:
Yes. Yes. How significant, in your opinion are the the the authority figures in our lives, particularly with regard to the sex education that you do. Would you comment on that?

Kaz Riley:
So do you mean for our clients in terms

Aidan Noone:
of For our clients, the the clients, I say, authority figures, whether it be parents or teachers or other significant people in their lives.

Kaz Riley:
Yeah. I mean, the ones that come up in therapy a lot are parents, teachers, religious, kind of figures in authority, and peer groups. They're they're the ones that come up the most, and they are very significant. I always go from the the kind of point of view of those people were doing the best they could with the information that they've got, and also the shame that they carried. Remember, sexual shame is is not a new thing. It's been going on, and it's been passed down from generation to generation to generation. But they they are they they do shape people's point of view. So and it can be little comments.

Kaz Riley:
Even things like, I've got a lot of clients at the moment that were told female clients that were told you should never trust a man. Look. Your father left us. You know, this guy beat us up, whatever it might be, which is, you know, not a nice way to kind of grow up thinking that no men can be trusted for women, you know, because it's not true for the start for for the, you know, most men are lovely and wonderful from, what I've seen. But, you know, it's things like that or, you know, something very bad will happen to you if you do or, you know, or, you know, you'll ruin your life. This is another one I hear of often. If you get pregnant, your life will be ruined. This is why a lot of the fertility clients were coming to see me in the 1st place because even though they wanted to get pregnant, they would they've met all their criteria.

Kaz Riley:
They were still holding on to these beliefs that that pregnancy would ruin their lives. And that has an impact on how your body might be receptive to, to being fertile, for example, to a pregnancy. So, yeah, it's it's huge. It's huge. We learn everything, really, don't we? So

Aidan Noone:
Yeah. We do. We do. And, you know, you talked about fertility, and you worked a lot with, and you worked a lot with fertility issues. You know, we're from my point of view and indeed therapists, I suppose, or hypnotherapists, we deal a lot with emotions. And, you know, have you in your work, for fertility, how significant is the the emotions and the effect that, you know, maybe a a significantly emotional time in in a client's life, How how significant is that in terms of them getting pregnant or not getting pregnant, if I make sense?

Kaz Riley:
It does. Well, if we just look at how we know our emotions are significant to our general health anyway. You know? That is why we have jobs, isn't it, as hypnotherapists? Because the emotional part of life is is significant. And that's not necessarily just because of how we feel, but it's how it makes us physically feel. So we know, for example, high stress, for example, will can in in have implications on testosterone levels, estrogen levels, progesterone levels, cortisol levels, adrenaline levels, all of these things, which have to be in such perfect balance for sexual function, for fertility, for pregnancy. And so it stands to reason if our emotions are all over the place and that will have an impact upon that. You know, the mind and body, we often talk about it as if they're separate things, but, you know, that absolutely not. They're, you know, they're very much connected going, you know, the body affects affects the mind, the mind affects the body.

Kaz Riley:
So, you know, the emotional aspect of fertility treatment is huge. And, and then what often happens is clients are told that by their doctors, their fertility doctors, and they're just told, well, just just keep as calm as possible. Well, what does that mean? And how do you do that? And all of that kind of stuff. You know? It's, so and then people start to get anxious about the fact that they're anxious, and we all know that lupus as hypnotherapist. So it's very much, a way of helping people, to not keep calm, but know how to be calmer or as calm as possible and also accepting that in times like that that what I always say to my clients, my fertility clients now is really when when a woman who isn't going through fertility treatment gets pregnant, often when that actually happens, that moment of conception is a few days after she had sex. It's not at that very moment. You know, the things happen and and, you know, embryos are developed and they have to implant in the womb. That often happens while they're leaning over the freezer counter or picking up mushy peas or, you know, frozen peas in Tesco's or wherever it is that they shop.

Kaz Riley:
They're completely unaware. When you're having fertility treatment, women are aware of every twinge, every turn. They don't know whether to lie down, sit down, stand up, go for a walk, go to work, take a week off. All of that is very anxiety inducing. So, really, it's about just keeping things as calm as possible, but also accepting that some anxiety will be there because we're only human at the end of the day. And I can't imagine anybody that wouldn't be a little bit anxious about all of that. It's a big thing, isn't it? You know?

Aidan Noone:
Yes. And we we have, you know, as hypnotherapist, we have a great skill to impart to to our clients in terms of how to relax and how to, you know, be calm. If there was

Kaz Riley:
a man

Aidan Noone:
or woman out there who is currently going through an issue, can you you can hear me okay. Yeah?

Kaz Riley:
Mhmm.

Aidan Noone:
Yeah. If there was any man or woman out there going through an issue, sexual issue, sexual problem

Kaz Riley:
Mhmm.

Aidan Noone:
Concern about, whether it be sexual health or whatever. I know you're not a doctor, a medical doctor. What what would you say to to them if they're watching and listening to this podcast?

Kaz Riley:
Your first point of call should be your doctor just to rule out anything because sometimes it can be hormones, sometimes it can be things like blood pressure that you don't know about or an undiagnosed, diabetes or a thyroid level. So first part of call should always be your doctor. Doctors are used to dealing with things like that. Also, if you're if they're a person that's taking an antidepressant, I would recommend they speak to their doctor about that as well because we know that causes antidepressants cause a lot of sexual dysfunctions. Always talk to your doctor before stopping taking any medication though, just to kind of reiterate that. And then after that, it's really about if everything is normal, all those tests come back fine, then start to look into the psychological aspects of of what's going on. And there can be many, but know that there is help out there. And it it's not a case of just kind of what we call sensate focus where about getting you know, just being touched and all of that kind of stuff.

Kaz Riley:
It's about how people feel about that. So if you're a person that doesn't like to be touched for whatever reason, we need to kind of help people overcome that fear of being touched before they're being touched, for example. But now also the mind and the body are really connected. And the the other thing I always tell my clients is good sex and the ability to have good sex is something that we learn over time with people that we trust and that we care about. It's not something that we're just born with and we just know. And the amount of people that believe that somehow from the moment they become sexually active, that they should just know it all and be able to do everything. That's just not the case. It's a bit you know, no none of us could walk when we were born.

Kaz Riley:
So the idea that we could have sex, you know, the moment that we become of age is absolutely ridiculous. So Yeah. You know, it's it's something that we learn, and it's different with every person that we're with as well. And that's the other thing to remember. And that's also something to remember when we're being with somebody. One of the big complaints I get from both men and women is when their partner says, well, nobody's complained before. And the my answer to that is, well, you're not everybody else. So, you know yeah.

Kaz Riley:
All of those kinds of things.

Aidan Noone:
Excellent. No, Kaz. Thank you for that. And if there was how can we contact you?

Kaz Riley:
You can contact me. The best way to do it is via one of my websites. So we have, clients, sister sexual freedom clerk coach.com. For people that are looking to train with me, sexualfinhypnosis.org. We're also about to launch, a new platform, which is a sex education, hypnosis platform, with loads of stuff on it. There's a, you know, downloads and workshops and all kinds of stuff in a monthly call, and that's orgasmicminds.com. So those 3 websites are usually the best way. And then I am on things like Facebook and Instagram and all that kind of stuff, as well.

Aidan Noone:
Right. Right. Well, that was, very educating, Cass. Thank you so much for your valuable time. And, I know that the people watching this is going to get huge benefit from it. And, thank you. So, Caz Riley, sex educator extraordinaire. Thank you so much.

Kaz Riley:
Thank you for having me.