Session 006 Carina McEvoy on Child and Young Adult Anxiety

Imagine being on a journey, a journey of not even knowing where your starting point is?  A journey of uncertainty, from a place of worry, a place of fear, perhaps even from a place of being lost and being stuck.

In today's podcast, we speak with Carina McEvoy, a Psycho-Education Specialist, and Hypnotherapist. Carina shares with us her own story, her own journeying from a place of fear and anxiety in early childhood, to a place of knowing, a place of certainty and success in adulthood.

Carina invites you to, to journey and above all be accompanied and arrive safely to a place where you can find the real you, to a place of self-belief, a place of, I've got this, I can do this.

Discover all of this and more on Todays's edition of the Professional Hypnotherapists Podcast.

http://www.carinamcevoy.com

Want to share your comments in a voice message? Please click below and send us a voice message. Thanks
https://www.speakpipe.com/msg/s/237528/3/yz0chirzvohppile

Hi there, thanks for listening and please like this podcast where you listen to your podcasts.

The European Association of Professional Hypnotherapists is a group of like-minded hypnotherapists who are accredited professionals in their field. Many of our therapists have many many years of experience behind them which means you are probably in the best possible hands, available to you.

Why not pop on over to eaph.ie and choose the hypnotherapist that suits you. Many provide online hypnotherapy. eaph.ie

We welcome feedback on your listening experience at eaph.ie

Transcript

00:00 - 00:22

This is The Professional Hypnotherapists Podcast session number 006, Carina McEvoy on Child and Young Adult Anxiety. Welcome to The Professional Hypnotherapists Podcast, a production of the European Association of Professional Hypnotherapists, eaph.ie.

Aidan 

  00:38 - 01:57

Hello, I'm your host Aidan Noone. Before we get started, just imagine, imagine being on a journey, a journey of not even knowing where your starting point is. A journey of uncertainty from a place of worry, a place of fear, perhaps even from a place of being lost and being stuck. In today's podcast we speak with Carina McEvoy, a Psycho-Education Specialist and Hypnotherapist. Carina shares with us her own story, her own journey from a place of fear and anxiety, early childhood, to a place of knowing, a place of certainty and success in adulthood. Carina invites you too, to journey and above all be accompanied and arrive safely to a place where you can find the real you, to a place of self-belief, a place of "I've got this, I can do this." Discover all of this and more on today's edition of The Professional Hypnotherapist Podcast. Carina states that she must address the serious epidemic that's occurring today. That epidemic is child and young adult anxiety. Carina McEvoy, welcome.

Carina

  01:58 - 02:01

Thank you Aidan. Thank you very much for having me on, it's great to chat to you today.

Aidan

  02:02 - 02:07

That's a very bold statement to make, yet it reflects, I suppose, the reality of present day life.

Carina

  02:08 - 02:52

It does indeed and I guess I feel very compelled because, I myself Aidan was that really anxious child, that real sensitive child. Going back, back 30 years ago.... I'm telling you my age now..... I was that child that was sensitive suffered "with my nerves." And fast forward to me having my own two children, I realized that, you know what, this is something that is very much experienced all around the world. It really doesn't discriminate where it it's felt either, and I really felt that something needed to be done to address this issue.

Aidan

  02:53 - 03:16

Now when I was growing up 'fado fado in eireann' (long long ago in Ireland) as they say, children were to be seen and not heard. Nowadays, they are seen and heard and rightly so, I have no issue with that. But, what is contributing to it ? And a further question is, how much is technology, mobile phones, social media contributing to childhood anxiety?

Carina

  03:17 - 04:18

Well, I have done quite a bit of research into childhood anxiety, as a parent, simply as a parent myself, before I even became a therapist. I really believe that modern day society, this society that we're living in is absolutely feeding, and growing, and developing anxiety in kids and teens. The society that we're living in today, it's so busy. It's so busy Aidan. We feel that we cannot allow our children to be bored. We feel as parents, that if our children are bored, then we are not doing a great job. We also have this idea as parents, that we want to protect our children so much from every single little thing. So we are sheltering them and of course cocooning them, which can bring on anxiety when they leave this cocoon of certainty and safety.

Carina

  04:19 - 05:16

Yes, we're supposed to be a safe haven but, pushing, preparing the road, preparing the child for the road rather and not the road for the child. I also think in this society, you're right, we have so much technology to keep us busy, to keep our head busy. We're constantly entertained, we're constantly stimulated. There's so much news, there's news 24/7. The news is, the majority of it is doom and gloom. So, we're kind of living in a doom and gloom society, and also everything is instant, everything is convenient. If I wake up tonight and I can't sleep, say at three o'clock in the morning, and I want to do my Tesco shop, or I want to buy a pair of jeans, I can do that, from my bed. Everything is so convenient. There's no waiting anymore. So all of these things, I really believe lead to this development and growth of anxiety

Aidan

  05:17 - 05:30

And listening to you there, there seems to be this element of what I call 'overload.' We're overloaded, we're bombarded with information, with stimulus all the time.

Carina

  05:31 - 06:53

Absolutely. I mean, overload in every sense, from being so busy and stress with work, with school, with college then home, home life. Also overload with after school sport, especially for kids. After school sports and activities and filling their days and feeling like we have to be there and on demand, and having our kids doing activities all the time. Then bringing it back to technology, if they're not doing anything, then using technology to be a stimulus in that downtime, in that quiet time. You will often see many kids or teens, and they're multi screening now, so watching a TV while on a phone or, on an iPad or, watching TV while on an iPad plus, texting on the phone. So, so much multi-screen going on as well and overload. Aidan, if you go out into any coffee shop, now that we're allowed back into coffee shops. Pre-isolation, if you went into any coffee shop or, any restaurant and looked around, you would be very hard set to find anybody who is sitting on their own without being on some form of technology.

Carina

  06:53 - 07:24

And I even hold my hands up to this also. I would have been very much the same, until I realized gosh, I can actually just put this away for five minutes. I love going out and seeing families in restaurants or, in coffee shops. I think it's amazing. But ,then the kids take out the technology. They're missing out on that opportunity of communication. They're missing out on the opportunity of learning the skill even of communication.

Aidan

  07:25 - 07:45

It's almost as though, Carina, that being on your own, that there's a certain awkwardness about being on your own. And in other words, really what I'm getting at is dealing with your own thoughts, rather than being distracted, this stuff going on in your head.

Carina

  07:46 - 08:33

Absolutely. I think as a therapist, it's very important for us to allow ourselves to be bored, to allow ourselves to be on our own and, to make friends with our emotions, to listen to our thoughts. What are our thoughts telling us? As you know yourself our thoughts are very important because this day will lead to how we feel. If we are feeling in a negative state, it's really good for us to look at how we're thinking, how are our thoughts, and if necessary to work around challenging those thoughts, changing those thoughts. What emotions I feel, it is important for us to sit with our emotions and allow ourselves to feel those emotions.

Aidan

  08:33 - 08:44

Yeah. And that's very interesting. Also, I note from your website you talk about turning the 'what if' into the 'it will be okay.'

Carina

  08:46 - 09:51

Yes, absolutely. I really believe in that. When I was growing up as a child, I was very much an anxious child, but back then my parents didn't know I was an anxious child. There was no such thing as word anxiety, really and I used to worry, what if I couldn't pay the mortgage. I think I was six or seven, didn't even know what a mortgage was. I was worried about the health of my parents, the health of people around me. I was worried about school, I was worried about if mammy went to the shops, what time she would be back. Would there be enough time to make dinner. I was very worried about other people, you know, and it was a lot of 'what ifs.' What if this? What if that? I was never, ever able to back it up with the thought, look it, it will be okay, I can deal with. That 'what if' always led me to catastrophe thinking. if that happens, it's going to be a disaster, hence, bringing about my feeling of just total and pure anxiety.

Aidan

  09:51 - 10:01

Yes. Now, you mention also on your website that there are thousands of children attending GPs with mental health issues.

Carina

  10:03 - 11:16

Well, pre-covid when I was looking into this, there was approximately 7 out of 10 kids were attending GPs for issues around mental health. GPs are wonderful people. I highly recommend a visit to GPs. GPs will say themselves, they are trained for physical illness. That's what they're trained for, an injury or physical illness. They are being absolutely bombarded with mental health issues. So they are referring the kiddies and teens on to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) and CAMHS, at the moment, have a major, major, waiting list. You could be talking two and a half years at the moment Aidan, to see a specialist in CAMHS because, unfortunately in Ireland at the moment the staff is not there. We're even waiting for psychologists the south east area. I believe that in the last couple of weeks, the job, now maybe it has been filled since, but I was researching it in the last couple of weeks.

Carina

  11:16 - 12:48

But, up until the beginning of August, it still hadn't been filled, as far as I'm aware. The thing about anxiety is, it's kind of deemed as a low level mental health issue, right. So, if we go to the GP with this issue, because it's on the lower scale of mental health, when it goes to CAMHS it's put on the longer waiting list. The more moderate and severe, kids mental health issues are seen first. So, kids with anxiety issues are then waiting longer and longer. Now, in my opinion, anxiety is a really normal response. We all have this response. However, it's become a word, it's become something that we're all very much afraid of. So the first place we go, I guess, is the GP. We think that there's something extremely, extremely wrong. And in my opinion, it's a normal response. Once we teach kids and teens that it is a normal response and, a little bit of psycho-education around it and, how we can turn that around, anxiety itself can be overcome by the person, I really believe in most cases. However, when it goes to the GP and then is sent to the CAMHS, and we're waiting like two, two and a half years, that anxiety can spiral into more moderate to severe mental health issues.

Aidan

  12:49 - 13:11

And listening, of course to you there, what's coming into my mind is this whole notion of, specifically what are the issues that children are presenting to GPS with? Also, to what extent is the anxiety caused by children not having their needs met?

Carina

  13:13 - 14:28

Well, children are presenting with a lot of sleep issues, a lot of distress and, distress separating from parents. A lot of school refusal, and also a lot of sickness. Anxiety issues can bring around a lot of, what we would perceive as tummy issues, headaches, just feeling unwell also. But, generally there's quite a lot of distress, I see with kiddies when going to school , separating from parents. With teens an awful lot of social anxiety, a lot of social phobia, a lot of anxiety around stress of exams, of school pressures also. Also, teens sometimes present with the feeling of depression or, signs of depression, because they are not being able to sit with that anxiety. Just trying to run away from that anxiety, it's exhausting, it's actually exhausting.

Aidan

  14:29 - 14:45

It sounds very, very serious. A s therapists, what can a therapist and, more specifically a hypnotherapist do, in terms of how do they intervene in these presenting symptoms?

Carina

  14:47 - 15:47

Well, I, myself, I will work around a lot of psycho-education as well. My background is teaching. I was a geography and business teacher for many years and I studied hypnotherapy when I was teaching. And when I was teaching, I studied hypnotherapy actually, just to come off your question for a second, because when I met my husband he was very ill with Crohn's disease Aidan, a very, very sick man. He was using hypnotherapy. He was using self-hypnosis to manage his pain and, I taught this was absolutely fascinating. It was my first introduction to hypnotherapy. I had visited many therapists as a person myself to deal with my own anxiety in the past, so this was totally new and, I looked into this a little bit more and, I realized there's a lot more to this hypnotherapy.

Carina

  15:47 - 16:56

There is so much to our subconscious mind and, this is absolutely fascinating. And I can use this as a tool and, as a source of self development, helping myself with anxiety. So, I went and studied it and then I began to help some of the teenagers that I was working with in school, with parental permission, who were extremely anxious and nervous around exam times, in particular. So using very simple little techniques by relaxing the conscious mind and, just speaking and, suggesting to the subconscious mind, increasing confidence around the exams, we were able to help the students become more confident, become more calm and relaxed when facing the leaving cert or, junior cert. That kind of blew me away also. I seen the power of hypnosis. So, after I had my own kids I decided that I would set up as a therapist myself and, as a therapist now I think it is important to build in psycho-education, as I was talking about, around anxiety,

Carina

  16:56 - 17:40

around emotional intelligence, what our emotions are, to make friends with them and, to be able to face them, because all of our emotions are there to send us a message or, even to keep us safe. Anxiety is there to keep us safe. So hypnotherapy, I use suggestion hypnotherapy, to help the clients relax and to build in suggestions around management of the anxiety, of certain feelings, anger also, and to build in a lot of confidence for the client also.

Aidan

  17:42 - 17:43

What would be a typical case?

Carina

  17:44 - 18:17

A typical case I would see quite a lot would be separation anxiety, among the younger. Children attending play school children attending primary school for the first time. I see a lot of separation anxiety. For teenagers, a serious lack of self-confidence and, I think that really does come back to social media, a fear of social judgment. That I think would be one of the main ones I see in teenagers.

Aidan

  18:19 - 18:28

And you mentioned, going back to your website, you talk about turning self-doubt into confidence.

Carina

  18:29 - 19:29

Absolutely. I mean, I think it's amazing when we look back to us as babies. When we look back or, we think back to us as little babies, we were all born confident babies. If we wanted our bottle of milk or ,whatever, we actually made sure we got that bottle. We weren't in our cot saying "maybe I'll wait, maybe mammy's busy" or, "maybe daddy can get to me now." If we wanted it, we got it. We were confident kids. Fast forward a year or two, we are learning to walk and every time we fall down, we get back up again and we learn it. We are so confident. We've so much self-belief. But then as we pass through life, we just take on, maybe little opinions or, ideas from other people and that confidence can become clouded over.

Carina

  19:29 - 20:59

It can be something really simple, that's not meant in a harmful way whatsoever, but as young kids we are little sponges. We take on every single little thing and it's all to do with our subconscious. We have like a critical factor. It's almost like guards at the gate and, the guards at the gate are going to decide what information we're going to take in, what information we're not going to take in. But as kids, up to the age of approximately five Aidan, those guards are asleep, they're fast asleep. And that's why kids are little sponges and every single thing goes in. Even myself, I've kids and I could come along and say to my daughter, " brush the hair off your face, I can't see your face" or, something. The way I say it or, what I say, she might think, "oh my gosh" and have something around her hair then, she might develop something around her hair. It may have gone into her subconscious. So, kiddies are little sponges. Yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible. We can use hypnotherapy to kind of clean up that fog. Or, I have an image in my head of getting out Mr. Sheen, getting out the polish and just polishing up that confidence that we already have inside us. Every single one of us were born, with that confidence. It's just to get rid of that fog, that self doubt and get back to that confidence.

Aidan

  20:59 - 21:16

And indeed as a young child, we are highly impressionable. If an event or, a happening is significantly emotionally charged, that can have the effect, a negative effect for that child, for the rest of their lives.

Carina

  21:18 - 22:24

Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's actually one of the things that I don't like about the amount of news that we take in every single day. On the the radio, going in the car in school, at home, on the laptop and, the iPad because as adults we can filter out. We can filter out like the guards of the gate we can say, "right I'm going to take that on board or, I'm not going to take that on board." But, kiddies can't really do that, they can't really filter out. If they're seeing a clip of something on the news, they can't filter that. That's something that really goes in and,they are soaking it all in. Now, I'm not one for believing that we should shelter our kids either, but I definitely think, age appropriate and, I think talking to our kids and explaining to them issues or, whatever questions they have, in their language, for their age is very important.

Aidan

  22:25 - 22:36

And in your opinion, and in your experience indeed, are children open to hypnosis and hypnotherapy specifically?

Carina

  22:37 - 23:33

Absolutely. They absolutely do. They absolutely love it. And in fact, kids are going around in hypnosis all the time anyway, because they're so suggestible. As I say that critical factor is not there yet. They're taking every single thing in. And hypnosis, when we think of hypnosis, I guess, if we didn't know much about hypnosis or hypnotherapy, we'd almost think of somebody just kind of, knocking you out and getting you to act like a chicken. But, you and I, we know that's not the case. We could become very hypnotized by a television program, by reading a book, or Aidan, have you ever been on a drive and all of a sudden you realize you are at a certain point and, you don't remember some of the drive?

Aidan

  23:33 - 23:33

All the time.

Carina

  23:34 - 24:47

That is hypnosis. It's where our conscious mind, which is only 7%, which I find fascinating. That's where our conscious mind has just gone off somewhere, and is focusing on something else. It's busy, but our subconscious mind is still working. It's keeping us managing that car. So, kiddies, they're in hypnosis all the time when they're playing with their toys or, drawing or, coloring. And actually, I would say to parents, that a little trick that I would do around kids is, when they are busy or, when they're coloring in your presence, that is the best time to make a suggestion or, give a focus on something positive. How I would do that is, with the child's parent or, friend or whatever, just say, "gosh, they're so good at going to bed last night, they are so good now at going to bed, they're amazing, they are so calm and relaxed in your bed", so that the child can hear but, you're not directly talking to them. So they're concentrating on their coloring and they're in their own little world. But, their subconscious is listening.

Aidan

  24:47 - 25:03

Yes. I've always been fascinated when I started to study hypnotherapy years ago, the embedded command, " are you going now or in 10 minutes time?" Like the embedded command is that you're going to bed.

Carina

  25:03 - 25:09

You're going to bed. Absolutely. I think it's fantastic. Of course they will always pick, in 10 minutes.

Aidan

  25:10 - 25:23

Oh, indeed of course. Maybe just to focus on yourself a little bit Carina. Just tell us something, a little something about you that not many people know.

Carina

  25:25 - 25:45

A little something about me that not many people know, oh goodness. We could be getting into dangerous territory here. Actually, not many people know, very few people know that I have given up drink in the last year. I'm coming up to 13 months off drink.

Aidan

  25:47 - 25:52

Just clarify that, just clarify that. When you say, come off drink, what was your consumption like?

Carina

  25:53 - 27:09

It actually wasn't too bad. I wasn't, you know, a major drinker. I have asthma. I have my inhaler beside me here. I have asthma and I found that actually with lockdown, I found I was kind of having a few drinks every weekend, I have to admit. I was having a few drinks every weekend and, because I have asthma I stay away from wine, I stay away from beer. So, I drink, I used to drink whiskey, the hard stuff. So, I was having a few whiskeys every weekend, but, I decided....I used to smoke, I used to smoke in my late teenage, early adulthood. And I decided just like with cigarettes, I've actually had enough of this and I'm going to give up. And I did. And literally just one weekend, I said, "I've actually had enough of drink." I'm kind of fedup wakening and feeling anxious the next day. I used to get an emotional hangover Aidan, not a physical hangover. I would wake up fine, but feeling really anxious for the entire day. And I just said, "you know what, I've had enough of that." I said, that's it quitting and I did.

Aidan

  27:09 - 27:17

Another thing, that maybe not many people know about you is, that you're an accomplished author. Tell us about that.

Carina

  27:18 - 27:50

Well, this goes back to my childhood as well. I found writing, I found poetry, I found escaping into another world was an amazing way for me to cope with, the anxiety I was feeling, I guess. I actually suffered from depression and OCD when I was a teenager also. So writing was a wonderful way for me to express myself, especially when I felt at the time there was no one really to talk to.

Aidan

  27:50 - 27:60

If I may interrupt you, forgive me. By doing that you also enter it into your own little world, your own little world of hypnosis, if you want to call it.

Carina

  28:00 - 28:50

Oh, absolutely. It was amazing. It was absolutely amazing. I just, I think, you know, I would really advise anybody out there to use their skills and, their strengths and, their interests and, the skill set that they've been given for their coping mechanisms for anxiety. So every single person that has walked through my door, who comes to me with that feeling of anxiety, is such a creative person, such a creative person. When we think about it, we've kind of got to be creative to think up all of these terrible scenarios that are going to happen. We have to have a great imagination.

Aidan

  28:50 - 28:52

That's an excellent point. I love it.

Carina

  28:52 - 30:06

Absolutely. So, I would say use that creativity in whatever shape or form, whether it's writing, art, photography, whatever it is, as a coping skill. So, mine was writing. Now, I would like to say I'm great at art, but I'm not. I'm terrible, but writing, I love writing. So, yes when I went on my career break, I had my second daughter. I always wanted to write a book. So, I created my own little world and it was wonderful for me, anytime I ever felt like a little bit anxious, I would just go into my own world and create a life for these three characters, their ups and downs and life. That was a wonderful time because I was on career break, there was no pressure, no demands and, I really, really enjoyed it. Really enjoyed. So, I published that in, I think it was 2016 and that was greatly received, which was wonderful. The title of that was, 'To Have, Not Hold.'

Aidan 

  30:07 - 30:08

To Have, Not Hold?

Carina

  30:09 - 30:59

Yeah, 'To Have, Not Hold.' It's a fictional book and, it's actually based around, and some people might think, 'Hmm, I don't know about this', but it's based around the true happenings of people who experienced their loved ones who have passed. I have had people say to me, it has been of comfort to them actually, because they felt they were the only person that this was happening to, now they reading it in the book. They were like, I felt like you were talking about me in the book. But yeah, these three characters, they each have their ups and downs in life, they're each dealing with things. I won't say too much in case anyone wants to read the book. But, I thoroughly enjoyed writing that book and I decided I was going to write a sequel.

Carina

  30:59 - 31:13

But, in the meantime my first daughter, Anna was starting national school. When she started national School, she was quite a clingy child, quite anxious, if I can say that?

Carina

  31:13 - 31:55

A little bit of separation anxiety. When I brought her to national school, I realized that this is not just Anna, this is like nearly every parent I was talking to. That's when I began to realize, oh my gosh, this is terrible. This is absolutely terrible. Anna is actually gone into first year now. That's when I really decided, no, I really want to look into this. I studied a little bit of child psychology. I spoke to so many people, I read every article I could find, really looked into things. That's when I realized that this is an epidemic.

Carina

  31:56 - 32:41

And I also realized Aidan, that it wasn't all Anna. It wasn't all Anna being an anxious child, it was actually me also being an anxious parent. So, I had to look at how I was parenting and, change a little bit of what I was doing. I hold my hand up and say I was a little bit too over-protective. So, I had to learn how to just let go a little bit, let go, have her by my side but, just let go a little bit and let her experience life. So, Anna has actually started secondary school now and, that girl is just amazing. She walked into secondary school ready to help anybody else who was nervous during the week.

Carina

  32:44 - 33:60

Yeah. Oh, sorry to go back to the writing. When I realized that this wasn't just myself and Anna, this was, gosh, nearly everyone I was talking to, I decided that I've got to work on myself and Anna. Then I done that for about six months and parents were coming over and asking me, "Anna has changed so much, what did you do?" I found myself talking to a lot of parents about what I did, and my view was to go back to teaching at the time. Then I said, you know what I'l do, i will actually write it all down in a book. So I did, I wrote down all of my techniques, all of my thinking and my research down into a book for parents and one for kids. So the kiddie one is just for them to write little things in also, to go through the book themselves or with the parent, and then a parent book to explain everything. I published that and then I was invited to do a lot of talks in the south east area. Then people asked me, "gosh, would you see my child?" So, then I decided, okay, I'm going to give up teaching and I'm going to set up a therapy practice, a hypnotherapy practice for kids and teens and I've never looked back.

Aidan 

  34:01 - 34:22

Excellent. And you mentioned separation anxiety. If there was let's say a number of pointers, or little tips that you could give to parents out there, who have children who are presenting with separation anxiety, what little points of help could you give them?

Carina

  34:23 - 35:23

Well I think, gosh, there are so many I guess. I think a really good bit of advice for parents, when it comes to kiddies suffering with separation anxiety, or indeed any anxiet, is to think of yourself as an air hostess or, cabin crew. Think of yourself in an airplane, actually going somewhere on the airplane and, think of the airplane going through turbulence. Okay? If the airplane is going through turbulance we tend to look at the air hostess and what they're doing, or stewardess to see what they're doing. If they're sitting down and they're calm and relaxed, then we feel, 'oh, okay, yeah, everything is okay.' But, if we look and they are panicing, then we go, 'oh my gosh, there really is something to panic about.' So I say to parents, you are the air hostess.

Carina

  35:23 - 36:04

You are cabin crew. When your child is going through a turbulant time, they're going to look to you, to see is this really something I have to panic about. And if you're panicking, and if you're stressed, and if you're anxious then they will think, yes, this is really bad. This is really bad because she/he is panicking also. But, if they look to you and you're okay, and you believe you've got this, you believe they've got this, and that you can do hard things, and that they can do hard things, and you're calm and relaxed then they will feel it. Even if the don't show it at the time, they will on the inside, subconsciously feel that also. And I think that's probably the most important piece of advice.

Aidan 

  36:05 - 36:35

Yes, it's very logical as well because a child, they always look to the parent, whether it be for approval or, you know the look on the face, and they know they're okay. It's important. What I'm getting at here is the nonverbal behavior, as it were, from the parent because the child can pick the non-verbal stuff up, even though the words may saysomething else. But the physical appearance says a lot too.

Carina

  36:36 - 37:23

Absolutely. Before before COVID Aidan, before isolation I used to do quite a few talks and courses, and I done this little exercise where I would put my thumb and forefinger together to make the okay sign. I would ask the parents to do the same and then I would say, okay I want you to copy me now and I want you to put it on your cheek. I would put mine on my chin and 99% of the parents, or people would put it also on their chin. Then they would realize, 'oh no, she said cheek.' And that's literally proved that we tend, kiddies tend to do what they see, and not what they hear.

Aidan

  37:23 - 37:42

Yes, of course. We all know there are many adults out there, and indeed there is obviously a lot of children with anxiety, but, has COVID contributed in your opinion, to a major increase, or outbreak, or more prevalence of anxiety?

Carina

  37:43 - 38:52

Absolutely. 100%, 100%. I think COVID itself, in some way also, has contributed to anxiety , the actual coronavirus. Kids worrying about catching coronavirus, or parents, or grandparents. But the main thing, the biggest thing that has contributed to anxiety has been the isolation. That is what I am seeing. The separation anxiety that I'm seeing now, or the social anxiety of teens, getting back out, getting back out to school, getting back out into the world, going to college, the amount of anxiety around getting back out there, is just unbelievable. Unbelievable. I mean, during the isolation kids who would've had social anxiety or, separation anxiety, it felt wonderful for them because they were safe at home, cocooned, everything was great. But, it is now that we are seeing the anxiety in those kids, just skyrocket.

Aidan 

  38:53 - 39:11

Yeah, I think lots of therapists are actually experiencing that, in terms of the number of people presenting with anxiety. Very true. Now Carina, another question. What brings you most joy in your line of work?

Carina

  39:13 - 40:19

In my line of work I absolutely love to see when the client, so the child, or the teenager, or the young adult, I love to see when they turn around and say, "yeah, I can do it, I believe in myself, I've got this now." That just makes everything worthwhile. You cannot, you just cannot explain the feeling of, wow, I was a part of this. I know the client does the work. Of course, the client does the work, but I was part of this, and for me, I think that is so big for me because I've been there, I've been in their shoes. Especially as a teenager, I've been in that teenager's shoes, and I know how much of a struggle it is. So, to see a teenager grow and develop in confidence, and leave behind a fear, or a phobia, or whatever it may be, it's just the best feeling.

Aidan

  40:19 - 40:35

Indeed and you've shown you have tremendous empathy for your clients and the people presenting to you with anxiety. What would your close friends list as your best characteristics? What would they say?

Carina

  40:35 - 40:57

Well, I would say number one, they would say my sense of humor. Sense of humor would definitely be number one. My kids would probably say it's a little bit too much. Then I think empathy. Listening, just caring I guess.

Aidan

  40:57 - 41:07

Okay. Excellent. Is there any final point you want to make Carina about the work that you do? Something that you haven't expressed before now?

Carina

  41:10 - 42:12

I think I would say Aidan, that I think it's really good to talk. We hear this all the time, but it really is good to talk. It's so good for people to open up. Even if you are experiencing some emotions that are overwhelming, and you don't want to necessarily go to a therapist or whatever, open up to friend, open up to a relative. It is so good to share what you're going through with somebody else, so that number one, you can hear it out loud, you can hear yourself. I think when we allow those thoughts out and hear them, sometimes we can make sense of them, you know? And just to know that there is somebody there, especially for the young men in our country. I remember when I was studying in Maynooth, I was studying sociology many many years ago. It's something like nearly 25 years ago in Maynooth.

Carina

  42:13 - 43:01

And my sociology thesis at the time was around suicide, young male suicide. At the time it was the second highest form of death for young men, and the highest form was road traffic accidents. And of course, some of the road traffic accidents were single car accidents that authorities couldn't say were death by suicide. We're fast forwarding now to 2021 and it's still the same. The figures are still the same, and it kind of breaks my heart that, maybe a simple conversation could have saved someone's life. So I would really urge people to talk.

Aidan

  43:01 - 43:33

Something I'd add onto it myself if I may? You know, if you express yourself to somebody and talk to someone and you don't feel as though you're being listened to, go and talk to someone else. That's really important because sometimes the people we know, they can maybe, say, "oh, you'll be fine, you'll be okay." In other words, go to somebody who has the capacity to listen, truly listen to what you're saying.

Carina

  43:34 - 44:23

Yeah, absolutely. And you know what, when it comes to our feelings, validation is so important. You know, if you are not being validated. If you feel like you're being dismissed, as you say, go and talk to somebody else, don't leave it there because it's so important that we validate our own feelings. I suppose, I work with kids and teens, so I speak to parents and validation is key. It is absolute key because, you know, we grew up and in a society where, I was to be seen and not heard, and you know, you'll be fine, you'll get over it, you'll be grand, or don't cry, that type of thing. But, our emotions are our emotions, they are there to give us a message and they're okay.

Carina

  44:23 - 45:03

Once we feed them, once we validate them, our emotions feel, 'oh, I've done my job, she knows I'm here, she knows I'm here.' But it's almost like that little child is saying, "mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy. He's going to keep going, mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy until mammy goes "what?" And I have this kind of image that our emotions are the same, they're inside of us pushing us and going Carina, Carina, Carina, Carina.. If I'm trying to push it away, it's going to keep going, getting louder and louder and stronger, and stronger, and stronger until I either fall down or, turn and say, okay, let's see what you want. Let's deal with this. So validation is a hugely important.

Aidan 

  45:03 - 45:11

And the question that comes into my mind, as well is, what can happen if you're a child with anxiety and a child's anxiety is not addressed?

Carina

  45:13 - 46:11

Well in my own experience, I went on to develop social phobia, extreme social phobia. I could not talk to anybody. It was terrible. I would vanish, I would cry. I could be in someone's company and just have to get up and go away. I was terrified to talk. School was a terrible experience. So my level of social food phobia was horrific. From the anxiety to social phobia, I went on to develop depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and then I went on to develop an actual addiction to self-harm and then OCD. So that's just from my experience. So I would say, while it is something that is very, very manageable, it is very important to learn to manage it.

Aidan

  46:12 - 46:27

Yeah, very good point, and to come back to the point, talk to someone and if they don't listen, talk to someone else. Carina, do you have specific programs that you can offer to clients?

Carina

  46:28 - 47:19

It's a one-to-one consultation, but also I offer parental programs for parents, and I also offer school programs for kids. So generally each year, I offer a 'Ready Steady Let Go Program' and it's generally offered to sixth class students. It's a lot of psycho-education, a few little hypnotherapy tricks and tools are put in there as well. I love working with kids around hypnotherapy because, you know, you can do it with their eyes open, without kids even realizing. Then a teams program as well, called 'Heads-Up' and again it's a lot of psycho-education around emotions, and how we can deal with our emotions, and our thoughts also.

Aidan

  47:19 - 47:31

Great. And I note as well, apart from all the very excellent work you're doing, that you are a Consultant, or a regular guest on The Morning Show, on the Southeast radio.

Carina

  47:32 - 48:21

Yes, that's right with Alan Corcoran. This was something that started a couple of years ago before COVID kicked in. I used to love going down to Wexford, and going into the station and having a good chat. Then we went online, as everything did. It's great to be able to talk about this, and be able to bring my experience to other people. love shouting about the fact that, I was that person and now look at me. I couldn't speak to you, Aidan. There's no way I could speak to you 20 years ago. I would run a mile, whereas now, I'm able to do this. I just love that sense of, if I can do it, you can do it. So, I love spreading that message also.

Aidan

  48:21 - 48:31

Excellent. You're a prime example of the work that you do, and the services that you provide for your clients. Carina, how do we contact you?

Carina

  48:33 - 48:49

So I have an email address info@carinamcevoy.com. I also have a phone number, 087 6080042 and I can be contacted on either.

Aidan

  48:50 - 48:53

Great, and you have a website as well, don't you?

Carina

  48:53 - 49:04

Oh, sorry, yeah my website. I'm actually in the middle of developing my website, so it's not quite complete, but there's quite a bit of information up there. So carinamcevoy.com.

Aidan

  49:06 - 49:24

Wonderful. Well, I really enjoyed speaking with you today and, just, for the record that we're recording this podcast at the beginning of September, 2021. So, it's very applicable for young adults, young children going back to school at this time.

Carina

  49:25 - 49:28

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. It's been great to chat to you.

Aidan

  49:29 - 49:38

That was a Carina McEvoy, Hypnotherapist and Psycho-Education Specialist in County Wexford. Thank you, Carina.

Carina

  49:39 - 49:40

Thank you, Aidan.

Aidan

  49:40 - 50:06

You have been listening to The Professional Hypnotherapists Podcast. Please, stop everything, and start exploring to find the right solutions for you at eaph.ie.You know, you want to make positive, beneficial change in your life, and yet you may not have the how. Allow yourself to discover, how you too now, can start that change process, and begin to reap the benefits through ethical hypnotherapy