When the Holidays Aren't So Jolly

The holiday season is often associated with merriment and joy, but that's not the case for everyone. We discuss different stressors of the holiday season, how to cope with holiday stress, and how to keep alcohol consumption in balance.

Transcript

Marissa: Welcome to the Last Call Podcast. My name is Marissa Whitaker, and I'm the prevention educator at SUNY Courtland.

Sarah: My name is Sarah McGowan and the assistant Director of student health and wellness at Onondaga Community College. Our jobs are to educate students about potential risks associated with substance use.

Marissa: We approach substance use from a neutral stance, and our episodes are rooted in public health with a focus on science and harm reduction. Welcome back, everyone. On today's episode, we have a special guest with us. Jen Talarico, who is a senior counselor at the Counseling Center, will be joining us, and you might recognize her voice from our psychedelics and mental health episode. So welcome back, Jen.

Jen: Thank you for having me.

Marissa: We're happy to have you here. So, on today's episode, we're going to be discussing the holiday season and its overlap with substance use. So, for many people, the holidays are associated with indulgence parties and merriment. But for some, the holidays can be a tough time and a bit of a struggle to get through. So we're going to COVID tips and how to set boundaries throughout the holiday season and how, at certain times, over consuming or even consuming in general might not be the best option for you.

Sarah: Absolutely, Marissa. So I'm going to hit you all with some quick prevalence data. So, according to the National Safety Council injury facts, in 2020, it's estimated that 160 people died on New Year's Day, 485 died on Thanksgiving Day. And for Christmas Day, it's estimated that 340 people lost their lives according to the injury facts. So alcohol impairment is involved in about a third of those fatalities. So around these times of the holidays, there's lots of DWI checkpoints, so there's constantly additional patrols, and there's also a lot of drunk drivers on the road. So aside from the many safety risks that you put on yourself when you choose to drink and drive, do you really want to kick off your holidays with the DWI?

Jen: Yeah.

Marissa: And how we get those DWI's sometimes, holidays are often associated with parties, alcohol consumption, indulging in food, drinks, gifts. Everything seems to be in excess. From a mental health standpoint, how is that problematic, that we want everything in excess during the holidays?

Jen: Yes. I think that the holidays especially, we tend to have really high expectations. Right. We want everything to go perfect, whether that is drinking with friends, seeing family, if we're preparing and decorating, if we're hosting parties or shopping for the perfect gifts, making meals, we tend to go a little overboard and extreme. And if our expectations are set too high and often can lead to disappointment. Right. So then we can, unfortunately, experience the crash emotionally into, depression and anxiety.

Marissa: There is, like, a normalization that excess drinking, too, is okay.

Jen: It is like we plan for those, like, the day before Thanksgiving or holiday parties or even work parties, where it's centered around drinking. Right. And the expectation is we're going to let loose and we're going to really indulge here, but doesn't always have a good outcome.

Sarah: It's also really interesting, too, to kind of think about when your family is just used to doing those things. But what if you don't want to do those things? Like, what if your whole family likes to drink and party and you are finally grown up and you're seeing that for the first time? I feel like that can be really difficult as well.

Marissa: Yeah, that's funny you say that. Sarah earlier today, Jen and I were talking about the night before Thanksgiving, like such a huge drinking holiday. Everyone going out in your hometown, and maybe you don't want to go out and see people. Maybe it's triggering to see an ex, to see old friends, to see a life that you could have tried to leave behind.

Jen: Right. And sometimes I think people feel like they are a different person now when they enter the hometown. And sometimes it's hard because when you pull into your hometown, you can reenter that part of yourself a little bit. Like some of those insecurities might come back or you know who you were at that time, or worrying that they'll see you and think you're the same person. So that can be really hard. Not only like triggering, but then if all of a sudden you want to avoid those situations, how do you have those conversations with family or friends of why you don't want to be engaging in going out and drinking in that hometown?

Sarah: Yeah, absolutely. Too something that kind of came to mind as you both were talking was like the quote, comparison is the thief of joy. But if you aren't where you thought you'd be, like, at this point in your life, and you're going home and you're, like, seeing all of your friends who might be, you know, to you, seemingly more accomplished or doing, more with their lives than you are. I feel like that could be hard.

Marissa: To it can be hard, too, if you're trying to set limits for yourself. If you're trying to whether that's alcohol limits or just limits for what you're willing to put up with over the holidays from friends, family.

Jen: So I think another part of this, too, from the mental health perspective, is that sometimes we think that going out and drinking will help us let loose, right. It'll help calm our anxiety, it'll help calm our depression, it'll lead to a good time. But, you know, studies have shown that heavy drinking for extended periods really impacts the brain and it reduces serotonin, which is the chemical that really regulates our memory, our sleep, our hunger, our mood. So really it's doing the opposite. It's not helping our anxiety or depression. It can actually make it much worse. And I think there's also that assumption, like we said, that this is a merry time. Right? And for some, it's not. It can really be a privilege to have a happy family environment to go home to or a happy friend system to go home to. Not everyone has that and not everyone even has a home to go home to. There are some people that the holidays are even more difficult because they're celebrating it alone or it brings up the memory of who's not there, whether that is because of a relationship dynamic where it's not healthy to have that person around or because someone has passed away. So those are additional things that can just make it a much more difficult time for some.

Sarah: So we did a really good job kind of talking about some different examples of what could be stressful holiday situations. But Jen, what are some ways that people can cope with those stressful holiday situations?

Jen: Yeah, I think one of the first things, especially when it comes to this idea of overindulging or over drinking, is to think about what are we really looking for? Right? If we have that urge to overindulge or over drink, are we looking for a way to just cope with our emotions? Are we looking for a way to connect with others? Are we looking for a way to hide from ourselves or our stress? So I really think first understanding why am I doing this? What am I really looking for? And then thinking, is there a way to do this healthier? Is there a way to cope healthier? Is there a way to connect with others in a healthier way, whether that's family or friends? I think another way to deal with some of this is also limiting or critically thinking about social media. We tend to all go on social media, especially during the holidays or even on TV, right? Even just media in general. It's all these positive messages that we're seeing, all of the good that people are posting, which we know really isn't everyone's reality. We're not seeing behind closed doors, we're not seeing after that fun night out, what should it look like the next day for these individuals? So I think really being aware that that's not necessarily reality, not to compare ourselves to that. And again, I think really those high expectations, right, making sure that we're not setting ourselves up to fail and that we're focusing on what is within our control. We can't control other individuals, so we can't control our family or friends over indulge or, you know, how they might cope with things, but we can't control what we do, how we react, how we conduct ourselves, and just trying to make sure we're looking out for ourselves and doing the best that we can for ourselves.

Marissa: Yeah, and I mean, you bring up a really good point on the family friend piece of that. Oftentimes we might feel pressure from our family, from our friends to drink. Like, you walk in the door and there's like a pile of food and a bar set up and you're greeted with a drink. And saying no to that can be a challenge. Limiting yourself to that, if there's always someone refilling your drink can be a challenge. And then if you decide that you do want to cut down or you do want to cut back or just limit what you're drinking, spending time around family and friends who don't know that or might not support it, or they may be making a joke about it. That can be really tough, especially if you're new into your journey of whether that's sobriety or just new into harm reduction for alcohol.

Jen: It is really hard though, how quickly complicated these family systems can be, right? Like you're sitting there and then everything's fine, and then another family member, maybe they've had too much to drink or not, can just start to escalate, say something that upsets someone else. It's all of a sudden very tense and what do you do? Right? How do you exit the situation? Do you have someone you can call? Do you have a different room you can go in again? It's not always that cookie cutter easy solution either. So sometimes I think it's about making a plan ahead of time. Like if, you know, family can be triggering or some of these events are likely to happen, maybe again, like a realistic expectation, setting that ahead and really thinking, what's my exit strategy?

Marissa: Yeah, definitely. I mean, especially if things are tense going into it. Better have a plan than not, especially after you've been drinking.

Sarah: So John, is there anything else from a mental health perspective that we should be keeping in mind?

Jen: I think during this time of year, in addition to family stress, friendship stress, the stress of the holidays, it's also important to realize that there can be financial stress. Sometimes these holidays involve a lot of shopping or other expenses, academic stress. Right. Some of these holidays can be in between, like midterms or finals or even over the breaks. Sometimes we're taking academic classes or we can be stressing what happened academically the previous semester. There's also those busy elements of traveling and planning, as well as seasonal affective disorder. I think it's important to also realize that for some, this can hit really hard. The days are shorter and there is less sunlight, which can also foster more depression naturally.

Marissa: So now that we covered some of the heavy stuff, let's kind of flip the script and do some silver linings and some coping strategies. So Sarah, throw some tips at us. What can we do?

Sarah: Absolutely. So I think the first, most important thing is that if you are going to go out, it's always important to have a plan before. So think of a plan before you pick up that first drink. Think about how you're going to get there, how you're going to get home, and then also have a backup plan. Because we do know that sometimes plans fall through. So having the soberest of the drunk drivers is not a good solution. So having a plan, having a backup plan, and then just having an additional person you can call who isn't at the party is always a good idea.

Marissa: Call that friend who's avoiding the crowd and all the people they went to high school with. They're out there and they might want.

Jen: To break from their family too.

Marissa: Yeah, right. There you go. So this is definitely like this can serve multiple people. Also going with that backup plan, depending on what your hometown looks like, you might not have an Uber, you might not have a taxi. So that's why, again, just like Sarah said, think about this before.

Sarah: Another thing that is really helpful is just taking a few minutes to step away. So realizing when you might be getting close to a point where you're getting frustrated, you feel yourself getting angry, getting upset, stepping away, taking a few minutes for yourself because you are important too.

Jen: I know we've talked a little bit about this already today, but just really reinforcing that, setting healthy boundaries as well. So whether that's the friends, family, or yourself, and along with those setting healthy boundaries with yourself, it's important to realize that sometimes we can be different versions of ourself. I know sometimes when students go way to school, it's like you have your home self and your college self, right? And sometimes it feels like two different people. Or sometimes we feel like we're one person with our family or one person with our friends. So really just keeping that in mind too, and thinking, are we over extending ourselves? Are we being true to ourselves? And how can we spend time with everyone as well and not overextend them that way as well?

Marissa: Yeah, no, that's very true. And then kind of talking about spending time with people in some ways, going from having a bunch of freedom, being on a college campus, not having to ask to go do things, to now you're back at home and you're like, can I go out? Like, I'll be home. It could be a little bit tougher to go back to asking your family, can I borrow the car keys? So it's a whole different way of life going home, too.

Sarah: Yeah, that adjustment can be difficult, for sure. So some other things, thinking about ways that you can slow absorption. So we talk about this significantly more when we're talking about reducing the harm from alcohol, but just making sure that you realize that water does not sober you up. The only thing that does is time. Making sure that you're sipping your drinks slowly, not chugging your drinks. Make sure you're thinking about how much you're drinking. Make sure you're spacing out your drinks. All those amazing tips that we've taught you over these last podcast episodes, putting those into practice is going to be key if you do decide to consume on these higher drinking holidays thinking, too.

Jen: With what Sarah just said too I wonder if we should mention that it is also just so much easier. I think it's like parade day too, right, where it's like you don't realize how much you're drinking. Everyone's just chugging and doing shots. It's not like a normal night out. Almost like sometimes we lose or even home with our family, right? It's like sometimes we just might not even be paying attention to how much we're over drinking.

Sarah: You start drinking in the morning and by the time it's 05:00, you've had ten to 15 drinks and the days not even over yet. So absolutely.

Marissa: And then for people that whether that's they don't feel safe going home, or for people that truly don't have a home to go to, there are people on campus who you can reach out to about this, whether that's res life. Staff an R a just a professor, someone who can help connect you with some resources, whether that's an unsafe environment or just an unhealthy environment. So Jen kind of talking about that unhealthy or that sober environment. How can we be supportive of somebody if they don't want to drink during the holidays?

Jen: I think that this is happening more and more too right. I think especially when people are becoming more self aware and making healthier choices for themselves is really admirable and really important when someone's making that decision. And we really want to support our loved ones the most that we can when they're making that decision. So maybe that comes down to, again, like that connection piece. Are there other things to do? What else is there to do? Even if it is just spending time one on one with someone, right? It doesn't necessarily have to be going out. There's ways to go out and remain sober or they're just completely moving the environment and not having that temptation even there in the first place. So really, maybe having that conversation of what would that person like to do? What is something that could be a fun bounding experience in a different way.

Marissa: Even just like not drinking along with them, if you have to be in the same spot and then try to see, maybe there could be other family members who are willing to support them with that. And then if you are drinking, being discreet about it, being courteous about it, you don't have to be sneaky because that's not helpful either. But you also don't have to, every time you go up to the person, you have a drink in your hands, just being courteous and respectful of their wishes and what they're going through.

Sarah: Too and Dan, I think you did a really great job kind of talking about you can only control you and what you can control. So just kind of keeping that in mind too, because you might think that you want to change your family or you're able to affect their actions but the bottom line is the only person that you can control yourself and how you react to those things.

Jen: And also for anyone that is struggling with anything we've mentioned today, whether that's struggling ourselves emotionally, struggling with how to cope with someone else, also remembering that there are counseling resources that are out there, whether that's during the semester, and that's at your academic, college or university. Whether that's in your hometown, whether that's online, virtually or through mobile, crisis or hotlines, there are resources out there. So looking those up online or calling local facilities, that can get you those resources as well. Because there's nothing wrong with experiencing extra stress like we talked about today, and also getting help when needed for the extra stress.

Sarah: So with that, thank you for listening to the Last Call podcast. We hope that everyone has a safe and healthy holiday, regardless of how you choose to celebrate it. Bye.