Fighting FOMO

We discuss the fear of missing out, setting boundaries, and how to balance FOMO with substance use.

Transcript

Sarah: Welcome back to the last call podcast. This is our 1st episode of the spring semester. Mariss, happy spring semester! We had a wonderful break, and I hope all of our listeners had a nice relaxing, couple weeks off from school. So today our, our topic is FOMO. So this episode is actually titled FOMO you don't for anyone listening who is not sure what FOMO means.

 Fomo stands for the fear of missing out, so this is when you truly are nervous and apprehensive about missing out on everything else that's going on around you and we are today we're going to tie that a little bit into alcohol and college students. So, Mariss, what does FOMO have to do with AOD use.

 Marissa: Yeah, so I think FOMO is kind of a modern day, peer pressure. So I was a child of the DARE generation. So I thought when I went to college that you're gonna see someone and they're gonna open up a trench coat And, like, drugs are gonna come out, and they're gonna offer that to you and that's how substance use works.

 It's modern day, peer pressure. Fomo I think, with technology, that's the peer pressure, seeing people's Snapchats, their insta stories, seeing all of that and that pressure to wanting to be part of that. Um, but it's interesting because there's not really peer pressure around a study session… like, no one had a real banger at the library the other weekend while they were studying for their anatomy test. FOMO kind of tends to be around, like, the socializing aspect. So, tell me a little bit more about that. Sarah.

 Sarah: Sure, so I think it's really interesting - humans just in general want to fit in with the regular social norms. We never want to stand out. We're like pack animals. Right? So the worst thing I feel like for young adults - teenagers, young adults, even, you know older adults sometimes is to stand out, so we want to fit in we want to be, you know, doing what our friends are doing and we want to be seen doing things that normal, you know, people our age would do.

 And it's really interesting because when that comes to drinking or drug use, you don't want to miss those social opportunities. Therefore you might feel pressured to engage just because you want to feel like you're part of that group. Does that make sense?

 Marissa: Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, just thinking about like, it's hard to say, no, anyway, as just a human being sometimes. Then you kind of raise the stakes where all your friends are going out. There might be jokes that happened at the party that you want to be a part of.

 And if you aren't part of that, we feel like we're really missing out on some opportunities. So, what would we do if we want to kinda counteract some of the thoughts of our fear of missing out?

 Sarah: Absolutely, so I think it's important just in general, to always think back to the reason why you're in college. Right? So this podcast is geared towards college students. What what are you doing that's gonna directly impact your studies? And you could be missing assignments, you could be, you know, missing tests. You could be, you know, doing things that are going to prevent you from being the best possible student that you can therefore potentially impacting your future career.

 So, that's important to think about, you know, it always comes down to remembering why you're at college in the 1st place and what you want to accomplish. 

 Some of the good things that you could miss out on, are, you know, consequences that come from using. So conduct referrals, potentially, you know, open container ticket, public urination tickets, fake ID tickets.

 So your friends might be doing all these things and you're like, hey, man, like, I don't feel like going to get arrested today. You might miss out on something like that, and another good thing you could miss out on is a hangover.

 You know, a lot of people don't necessarily always think about the consequences that come from drinking heavily and you could miss work. You could miss going to practice and you could even miss class just because you decided you didn't want to stay home and you went to that party instead.

 Marissa: I don't think I've ever really heard her, like, “oh, my gosh. Do you remember the time we went to court together? Like, that was so much fun lots of laughs.” 

 Sarah: “We’re bonded for life because of our shared arrest record!"

 Marissa: I guess I’m a true homebody at my core and so I kind of suffer, maybe the opposite of that like some JOMO, or the joy of missing out. I love staying in… nothing beats it.

 I hear from a lot of students that they do want to stay in. Sometimes you just want to watch some Hulu on the weekend, and you don't want to go out, but we feel undue pressure from our friends. “Why are you doing this on a Saturday?” Whether that's your friends, your teammates, members of a club, just, you know, oftentimes anybody giving that pressure to socialize.

 And I think now would be a really good time to pause and say if you are that person whose guilt tripping someone to go out, whether that's a friend, a team mate, just anybody - stop doing that. There might be an actual legitimate reasons as to why somebody doesn't want to go out, and that might not have anything to do with you.

 So also, kind of examining the reasons - why are you pressuring somebody to go out if you're the one doing the pressuring? Do you really want to hang out with this person on a Tuesday, or do you want to black out on a Tuesday and you might feel better about it if you're like, “No, my friends are doing it too. 

So FOMO is really complicated from a lot of different levels whether you're the person being pressured or sometimes it's a little bit tough to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Are you pressuring somebody?”

 Sarah: Absolutely Maris. And I think it's also interesting to kind of think about too, is the reason why you're pressuring your friends, because you're putting yourself in situations where you need, you know, quote, unquote babysitter or, you know, that you're gonna be extremely intoxicated.

 And you want someone there that you feel like, has your back - if so I think it's really important for you to examine your youth and, you know, decide are you causing more harm than good in your relationship with alcohol and is it time for you to maybe think about cutting down or cutting back if you're continuously putting yourself in those situations.

 Marissa: You just set up something really great, Sarah. So if you're having a hard time, saying no to some of this, it speaks to the bigger picture of setting limits and boundaries in general. 

 So yeah, we're talking about alcohol, but boundaries and limits are guidelines that we set in order to feel safe. Boundaries can be set with yourself, and they can be set with other people.

 You got to know what your limits are. So it's difficult for you to set a boundary with somebody else. If you're not sure where you stand on matters. Are you gonna be drinking tonight or just socializing? If you are drinking, what's your cut off amount? These are things to think about before you go out. Don't think about it, you know, once you're there four drinks deep, that you only wanted to have 2 that night.

 So think about this, when you're sober beforehand. Also, when you're in a situation, be very mindful of what your feelings are. Are you comfortable? Does the situation feel right? If something doesn't feel right that's your body trying to tell you something should change.

Sarah: Most people don't listen to that gut feeling, you know, when 99% of the time, that gut feeling is telling you what you should or shouldn't do. And if you're feeling that, then it's really important to know yourself and know your body. And if you have a bad feeling, or, you know, you don't want to be there, then get out. It’s good to be assertive and direct if you feel like a boundaries being crossed. And I think the most important thing is that you, everyone deserves to have relationships with people who are respectful of their own boundaries.

 So, if you feel that there's people in your life, that aren't respectful for your boundaries… That are consistently, you know, breaking these boundaries that you've set. That are important to you ask yourself if these relationships are serving you and it's important to take a look at that. And figure out if you need to make a change, if you need to kind of cut some people out of your life and what you can do.

 Marissa: Yeah, let’s talk about how to balance this with alcohol and other drug use.  So kind of going back to that party. Are you really going to be missing out on the best party, the best mix, or the best formal that you've ever been to? No. Is this the party that you're going to meet the person of your dreams? Likely not. And if this is your typical weekend, or something that you do regularly, you can catch up with them next time. You don't have to do this every single weekend or multiple times during the week. It's okay to skip a day or 2 every now. And then.
 
 Sarah: Absolutely, and then just going back to kind of what else is at stake. If you do decide to go to that party or to engage in those situations - conduct violations. We talk a little bit about, you know, potential tickets, fake ID violations, things like that. You could be put on probation, so if you can't balance socializing with going out, then you could be put on probation that could really impact your grades.
 
 The whole reason why you're here is to go to school so you want to do well in school so that you can get the job of your dreams that you want some day.

 Marissa: If you think you're missing out on this party this weekend, how many parties are you going to miss out when you get suspended and you're sitting at home and all of your friends are having fun? Like, that's like capital, bold, underlined FOMO when you're sitting at home.
 
 Sarah: Yeah, your friends are still at the party and you're in a jail cell. It's also really interesting and we're not going to spend a lot of time on this, because this could be its own episode – but what does that look like, if you're at a party and there's things, you know about you posted on social media? So, that could really impact your future.

Marissa: Also, there could be upcoming drug test, whether that's if you're an athlete for a job for an internship. Yeah. Cannabis is legal in New York. But that doesn't mean that there are no drug tests, depending on jobs or athletic opportunities. Sometimes you could still be drug tested.
  
So, now that we've broken down FOMO in ways that you probably weren't expecting, let's give some actionable items for when you find yourself in a situation where you either might not want to drink, or you might want to drink in moderation.

 So, I think it's way oversimplified to say, “Just say, no.” But something that you could do that seems a little bit more practical… If someone offers you a drink, you could say that you have work, you have practice in the morning that you have homework that you need to do, and it's just not enjoyable to do that while you're hung over.

 Sarah: Another thing that you could do is go into the bathroom and put water into your solo cup, into your beer container. It's always a good practice to alternate alcohol with water anyway because this will reduce your rapid alcohol consumption but that way you kind of feel like you're belonging to the group, but you're not drinking in the way that the group is because you've made the decision ahead of time that you didn't want to.

 Marissa: So when you're making your drink, you can also make it really heavy on the mixer and the soda. Um, and then either forget to add that alcohol altogether, or just make it way heavy on the mixer and just a little bit of alcohol.

 Sarah: Absolutely, you could say that you lost your drink or you put it down somewhere that you don't remember, but just a little side note to this. Please never take a drink from someone that, you know or don't know that you haven't had eyes on the whole time.

Marissa: Something else that we could have even started with this is never underestimate the power of being the designated driver. So volunteer to be the DD that night if you're going out somewhere and that you don't want to consume because of that. Everybody loves the designated driver, so be that person.

 Sarah: You can say that you're on medication that you can't drink while you're on. That's not too hard to believe. 

 Marissa: An when we're talking about things that your friends may or may not know, it's always acceptable for people that might have a family history of substance misuse to say that you're not drinking for that reason. Maybe you've had bad experiences with alcohol.

 You know, there's a litany of reasons as to why people choose not to consume substances, and I think being respectful of those boundaries that people may set, that's something that everybody could be better at.

 Sarah: And it sounds so corny, but just to kind of wrap up everything - it is possible to have fun without alcohol and without having to go to parties. Never underestimate, a sober evening or just doing stuff with friends where, when alcohol isn't involved. Because those can be, you know, some of the funniest times, um, that you'll actually end up remembering.

 Marissa: That's a good way to wrap it Sara. So we hope that you enjoyed some of our tips for combating our fear of FOMO and, um, maybe we could start to embrace a little bit more of the JOMO in life. Thank you for listening. We will see you next week.