103. Learning to say no as a highly sensitive person

Ever faced difficulty saying 'no' as a highly sensitive person?

Join us in today's episode as we dive into empowering strategies to navigate this sensitive aspect. Explore practical methods and compassionate insights crafted to confidently establish boundaries while embracing your sensitivity.

You deserve to feel empowered when setting boundaries that honour your unique sensitivity.

Tune in for guidance and encouragement on this transformative journey!

Chapters
00:00 - Intro
02:02 - Saying "no" is about...
03:15 - What happens if you can't say "no"?
04:36 - How to say "no" more positively
07:54 - Here's what I have discovered as a highly sensitive person
09:04 - Saying "yes" in a softer way
11:02 - The best indication of when to say "yes" or "no"
12:05 - Outro

Connect with me on Instagram @fridakabo and share your thoughts on this episode!

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Transcript

0:00

I also want to say that no is a full sentence. You don't have to overexplain it. This was my thing. I used to overexplain things really go into the stories of why I needed to say no and really make them understand that, no, I could not do it. And even when it wasn't such a big thing, so, really, you don't have to explain. You can just say, no. It doesn't work for me. Right? Welcome to the Sensitive Success podcast where we explore the unique challenges and opportunities that comes with being a sensitive with change maker in today's world. I'm your host, Frida Kahbo, and I have spent the last decade recreating my life. I moved from Sweden to New Zealand and now live in the beautiful bush with my husband and two kids, homeschooling and creating a life and business that works for me with the help of my sensitivity and support others to do the same. I'm excited to share conversations with experts, thought leaders, and fellow sensitive people We also see the world through the lens of sensitivity. Thank you so much for being here because it means that you're creating sensitive success too, which is precisely what the world needs. Let's get started. Hello. Hello. It's Rita Carbo here. And today, I wanted to talk about something that is really relevant for the season, and that is Saying no. It is coming up a lot lately with my clients, and I know that it's something that I've struggled with as well. And saying no can be so hard when we're not used to it. We don't want to disappoint people. Maybe we don't really know what we want. And, Yeah. There's lots of things that can feel uncomfortable about saying no, and it can feel really final and harsh. And, Yeah. I wanted to talk about how we can really tune into what it can mean to say no and how we can explore saying no in a way that supports us. So saying no is also about knowing and exploring what you really want and what you don't want. So it's so much easier to say, um, no to something that you know that you don't want to that you don't like. And I also want to say that no is a full sentence. You don't have to overexplain it. This was my thing. I used to overexplain things, really go into the stories of why I needed to say no and really make them understand that, no, I could not do it. And even when it wasn't such a big thing, so, really, you don't have to explain. You can just say no. It doesn't work for me. Right? And what happens when someone asks you something is and you feel sometimes we can take over the responsibility of that thing. If someone is is asking for something and they want help and you have to say no for different reasons or just because you don't want to, it It can it can feel like taking on the responsibility. Oh, but I really need to save this person or help this person. And and Actually, seeing that it it is not your responsibility. Because if you can't say no well, some people will continue asking you. But, also, if you can't say no and don't handle that in a good way, They won't feel like they can ask you again. So if it was, like, a simple thing like babysitting and you can't say no and you feel obliged. You feel like you have to and then then they feel like they can't ask you again. You have to be able to say no because it's a question, Could you do this this? And you have to be able to say yes or no. Otherwise, they they might not feel that they can ask you again if you they're feeling like You're doing it out of obligation. Right? I hope that makes sense. Some people can really feel that, oh, is she saying yes? But she really means no. So now I won't ask her again. But really be honest about what you want and not want. And also seeing that it's not your responsibility to help everyone. It's not your responsibility. So what you're actually doing by saying no is giving back the responsibility to to that person. And, yeah, trust them. Trust in that they are grown up and can solve that for themselves. Trust in their ability and say, no, I can't do it, but I'm sure sure you will solve it in some way. Right? And that can feel really harsh. And Let's explore some other ways where we can say no, where we can turn it into something positive. So, yeah, we can say no. Um, That is not something for me. You can say, no. Uh, I'm not into that. Um, or we can say, no. I'm sure you will solve it, uh, or something encouraging. And, yeah, I guess we all heard saying no means saying yes to yourself. So by saying no to this, what are you giving time to? What are you saying yes to instead? Right? But also for the other person or for the other place, Seeing that we are leaving space for for someone else to join in, for someone else to step in and Do that thing that you can't do right now and don't want to do, or maybe it's something that feels really heavy for you and that It's not your zone of genius. And just leaving that space for someone else that really is excited to do that, uh, or feel that that that is their son of genius because just because you don't like to do that, someone else will. So it's an opportunity for someone else to step in as well, when you say no, when you leave that space. And as I said, yeah, the responsibility is theirs, and see them as a whole person that can actually least solve that for themselves. Another thing you can do if the person really needs help, but you feel like, no. It's not my time, place, or energy that Needs to go into that, you can refer them to someone else. So there's plenty of people out there who can help, and especially if you're in in business and you Feel like that is not, uh, what I do. That is not my client, or I can't give them this, uh, at the price that they're asking. Have have a list of people that you can refer people to that are similar to you, but but a bit different and that you can, um, refer people to so they can help you. And and also, yes, of course, in this online space, we have Lots of free resources that we can refer people to as well. Like, yeah. Oh, I I really hear that you need help. You can start here, and then they can start to solve things for themselves. And also think about if you really want to help them, if you feel that it is your You you're a son of genius, and and you really can help them. So think about how can you do it in a way that also supports you. Yeah. I'm taking the business example again. Like, how can we give the our expertise, uh, and and not have it taxing on our system. Yeah. Lots of free resources, as I said, but, also, can we Can we give away a percentage of income on something that we're really passionate about that will help fuel our work, but also help those people that need that help. Or can we have a stipend that someone can, Uh, apply for, or how can we solve that in a way that also works for us? Because we need to have our time and energy and money so we can survive and so we can thrive and help even more people. And there are some things that, especially as sensitive, that we need to be aware of. So one thing that I discovered was that I easily said yes to enthusiastic people that were passionate about because I love that. Right? I love when people are passionate, and I have a big vision and clear vision of where they want to go. And I'm like, Oh, I can help. I'm really excited about this project too. And and as sensitives, we have really strong mirror neurons. So that means that we We don't only feel what other see what other people or understand what other people feel, but we also feel it ourselves. So have you ever been in a meeting where you're like, woo hoo. Yes. Let's do this. And then you step out and it kinda wears off? You're like, Why did I say yes to that? How did I think? Um, that could actually be that we're so caught up in their energy and so caught up in their enthusiasm that we also feel it, and we also feel like, yeah, It's the best thing ever. Right? So sometimes we need to give ourselves that time to think about it and to feel into it when we're alone, when we don't have the energy of others around us. And so that is something that to be really aware of for us highly sensitives. Yeah. Really saying yes in a softer way is but practice. We need to practice saying no, and it's okay to say no. And we can say it in a softer way. No, but I can refer you to that, or no, but I can do it in this way, or I will get back to you. There's so many things that we can say when no feels too harsh or uncomfortable. So we don't have to say it in the blink of an eye, but we can give ourselves time to think, think about what we actually want, but also think about, uh, how we can how we can find a solution that creates a win win for everyone. But But also really important to remember, don't take on the responsibility for this situation if it's not yours to take on. And, yeah, especially in this Holiday times, it can be a bit daunting to feel all the responsibilities and all the expectations on you. But know that most people feel that it is too much this time of year. And try to like, if there's a big thing, you can try to make it smaller. Uh, do you want to come to my party? No. But can we take a coffee? I would love to have a deep conversation with you. Right? So we don't have to immediately say no to to the party if you don't feel like it. Uh, we can find another way. Like, Okay. What is it that I really want in this situation? I really like that person, but, no, I don't want to go to a party. But, yeah, I really want a deep conversation and a coffee. So finding different solutions that works for for both of you and that Doesn't leave you feeling like you have let someone down. Right? Yeah. So take care of you and find solutions that works for you, and no one else We'll say no for you. You have to do it yourself. And it's so important to know really connect into especially if you have a business, really connect into your why. Why do you have your business? Why is it important to you? And how will it contribute to even more people if you say no to that thing and focus on what you're here for. And that's also an indication when to say yes and when to say no. Does this lead me to where I want to go, to where I need to go, where I can contribute even more. So I hope that helped, and I love to hear how you say no in the best way that you You have found that helps you to say no. I would love to hear the best way you have to say no or what have helped you to to really be able to say no and to to tune into what you want and need. So if you're on YouTube, tell me in the comments. And if you're listening on the podcast, you You can go over to YouTube and tell me in the comments there. I would love to hear from you and and hear your best way of saying no or what have helped helped you to really Take care of your energy, time, and money so you can thrive in this world. Have a beautiful day. Talk to you soon. Bye. Thank you for listening to Sensitive Success. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with someone who could benefit from this message. And come over and connect with me on Instagram at brida cabo. And remember, sensitivity is neither good or bad. It's what we make of it. Embrace your sensitivity and use it to create sensitive success your way.