104. Why do we feel worse when doing personal development?

Explore our latest podcast episode diving into the question: Why do we feel worse during personal development?

We discuss the common discomforts experienced in self-improvement journeys, offering support and reassurance. Join us for an uplifting conversation, acknowledging the challenges of growth while promoting a positive mindset.

Tune in for valuable insights to navigate your personal development journey with optimism and resilience.

Chapters
00:00 - Intro
02:06 - What is personal development?
03:08 - Why do we feel worse when engaging in personal development?
04:43 - What is the meaning of life?
05:49 - A true story illustrating its impact on a person's life
07:19 - Common reasons why we begin personal development
08:59 - What is the importance of inner work?
10:20 - Aligned versus empowered: Understanding the difference
11:46 - Recognizing unhelpful patterns
12:39 - Learning to trust who you are
13:53 - Just start; you don't need fixing

Connect with me on Instagram @fridakabo and share your thoughts on this episode!

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Transcript

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So usually when we start with personal development or start with this kind of work, we feel that something is already off. And when we start looking into it, or even when we looked into it for several years, there's always coming up layers and layers of those things. And it's not until we feel safe or we feel ready to, to explore and to let go of that thing that is keeping us unsafe, uh, that we can. Welcome to the Sensitive Success Podcast, where we explore the unique challenges and opportunities that comes with being a sensitive changemaker in today's world. I'm your host, Frida Kahlo, and I have spent the last decade recreating my life. I moved from Sweden to New Zealand and now live in the beautiful bush with my husband and two kids. Homeschooling and creating a life and business that works for me with the help of my sensitivity. And support others to do the same. I'm excited to share conversations with experts, thought leaders, and fellow sensitive people who also see the world through the lens of sensitivity. Thank you so much for being here, because it means that you're creating sensitive success too. which is precisely what the world needs. Let's get started. Hello, it's Rilakkuma here. And today I thought I wanted to explore a question. Why do we feel worse when doing personal development? And this is the question that has come up for me, but also coming up for my clients. And especially this week, I feel like it's a really present question and I felt called to share it and to explore it with you here as well. Yeah, why do we feel worse when doing personal development? I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter and if you felt the same. And yeah, I want to explore some, some different angles of this question and the concept within it. So I'll just start with personal development. So I prefer to talk about alignment and tuning inwards. instead of talking personal development, because it feels like we always need to develop, we always need to become more or become something else or become something, develop something that we really weren't. But for me, it's all about tuning in, align, and really become more of who we already are. And Take off those layers that maybe society and our upbringing has put on us and really see, see who we really are and tune into what we want to do, what we feel called to do. So it's not about being someone else or about taking away something from our personality or taking away something from who we are or what we want. It's the opposite. It's really tuning into who we are. So I just wanted to make that clear, we don't always have to develop, we don't have to become someone else. And one reason that I see, well, as with any new subject, when we start to learn about it, we don't know that much about it. And it's the same with ourselves, when we start to explore and go into the alignment of personal development, we don't know what we don't know, right? So. It can feel like when we get into a subject and learn more about it, we realize how much there is that we really don't know. And that can make it feel a bit overwhelming and big and that we have a lot to work on or a lot to do still. It's also a receipt that we actually have gotten that far that we can see that. So it's, it's not a bad thing, right? And also. When we start with these things, it can be, we can be very uncomfortable. It's creating new pathways in our brains. It's creating new, new mindset, new shifts, new way of beings. And it can be really uncomfortable and confronting and both for yourself to, to really think about who are you and what, who do you want to be and what do you want to contribute within this world? And it raises some really big questions that might not be an answer to. And that can also get us in that spin of focusing on these big questions and that we don't have an answer to them, like, what is the meaning of life, like that big question. And I think it's important to really think about these questions, but also be aware that there might not be an answer. And for me, the answer is the meaning of life is to be you as much as possible and create that meaning for you and see what that meaning really is for you. So, yeah, our brain creates new pathways, and that is really uncomfortable on a body level. And it can create stress in both our lives, but also in others lives. I talked about a lot about relationships. When we change, we force someone else to change as well. And that can create a lot of new situation that we need to look at and explore and feel into. But also another thing comes to mind that it is safe to express, safe to express what we really feel. So usually when we start with personal development or start with this kind of work, we feel that something is already off. And When we start looking into it, or even when we looked into it for several years, there's always coming up layers and layers of those things. And it's not until we feel safe or we feel ready to, to explore and to let go of that thing that is keeping us unsafe, that we can, can let that go. So, I'm thinking of a friend of mine whose boy was at school, was bullied, felt really bad, so they took him out of school and started homeschooling, which is awesome. They really helped that kid. And also the thing is, when he was homeschooled, he started having these, unfortunately, suicidal thoughts. And that is not because his situation got worse. As I see it, it's because he was safe to express what was really going on. And now he, he's great kid. He has gone through that really dark period on the other side and he's so much better. He's thriving with his homeschooling and he's just another kid. And I think that that's the way with us as well. We need to go through that. We need to feel safe to, to explore and express those feelings that are actually there. And then we can. Move on. So yeah, just see that if you're in that place, why do you feel worse? Well, it can be because you feel safe to really think about those questions or that you haven't had time or taken the time to think about those questions before. And it's totally normal. It's totally human. And we all go in the up and down humanness of life, right? And yeah, as I said, we usually start because we feel like something is off and it might become even more off for us to understand what it is that we need to change or what it is that we really want. Sometimes we need to, to feel that, to see that. What we really don't want first, so universe or whatever you want to call it, it has a way of showing us, okay, this is not what I want. And sometimes the same thing comes up again and again. And then that is something that we need to work on, but also see that we've come a long way because we have worked on it. It's just not the level. I see it as a spiral, like things come back, different issues or. Things that we think that we might have worked through or solved or however you see it, and then it comes back on another level and, and that's how it is as well. We, we are human and we work through things and we are ready to work through things on different levels at different times and ready to hear different things at different times as well. Some things that I can see, especially with personal development, I wanted to just. raise the awareness or talk about these things. Um, it can get us stuck in unhelpful patterns as well. So yes, it's great to look at ourselves and to, to create what we want to create, to create our life, to create what it is that we want to contribute with to the world. I, I'm a firm believer that we're here for a reason and that we We need to do this inner work to be able to thrive while thriving in the world, I should say. We need to do the inner work while thriving in this world. And some unhelpful patterns that I see that can come up when you Do the work is that you start to judge yourself even harshly than before, like, you know, that you should be your own best supporter. Right. But it's easy to say, Oh, I should be nice to myself. I should be like, that is not helpful. You're judging yourself. at the same time. So you can really get stuck in that kind of gaslighting yourself and seeing that, Oh, I should have come further. Instead of trusting that you're in the right place right now, getting the lessons that you need to learn. Another unhelpful pattern that I see is that we start to rely on others even more because that person made you feel so good or that coach asked such. Deep questions that help you and I'm a firm believer as you know, uh, that we can get support. But I also think that when, when we start to trust. other people more than ourselves. We need to take a deep look at that and really tune into our own trust, tune into our own answers. And when we look at empowerment, I, I'm not so fond of that word because that implies that we need some outside source, need someone else to lift us up. And I think that when we are aligned to who we are, when we are really in in tune with who we are. We don't really need that. Yes, we can need it from time to time, but it's not like we need to be our own inner fire and our own inner source of power. We don't have to have other people to empower us. And I don't mean that we should be all alone, none of that. I hope you, you get what I mean. So another pattern that can get us in an unhelpful place is to focus on fixing or healing. I do not believe that we need fixing. I think that we are whole as we are. Yes, sometimes we might need some healing or, uh, support ourselves in a better way. The focus should not be on the fixing and healing just for itself. It should be on to be here now. How can I be more present? What would help me to be more of me? What would help me to, to go forward? And really having that future magnet is really powerful. So, yeah. The unhelpful patterns is judging yourself, relying on others for answers and empowerment, or focus too much on fixing and healing yourself. My truth might not be your truth, and that's also like, don't listen too much on others. Just know that, know who you are listening to, and if it doesn't feel right for you, It's not right for you and that's okay. We don't have to convince anyone else that they are wrong or that it's in another way. We can just, yeah, that's their truth and this is my truth and this feels good to me. And just pick the raisins from the cake. I don't know if you say that in English but we do in Swedish. So really take what, what feels aligned and what feels good to you. From this I really want to say, yeah, align. To who you are, feeling to, to what you want to do and what your trust, leaning to trust, leaning to trust who you are and that you're exactly in the process where you need to be right now. Open up for the possibility. If that doesn't feel true to you, you can play with it and see what if, what if you were in the right place right now. And try to be here now as much as possible. Are you feeling your body? Are you feeling your heart? Feeling your gut? What is it telling you? Really tune in, and also have a future magnet. What is it that you're aiming for, looking forward to, excited about? Right? I don't think that we need to do personal development for the sake of it. I think we need need to do that or align to, to be more of who we are, but also to create what we want to create in this world. So don't get stuck in thinking that you need to fix or develop yourself before you do what you want to do. Start doing what you want to do right now and then learn along the way. I think that is really the way to go. We don't have to fix everything before we start. Just start and you will get more information on the way. You will know so much more on the way, know more of what you want, what you don't want, and just try and test. And I think really this life is a journey of exploring and seeing where will it take us. Where will this life take us? We don't really know, so let's explore, and let's be ourselves as much as possible, because I think that's why we're here. And yeah, let me know, why do you feel that we feel worse when doing personal development, or what has really helped you. I would love to hear from you, if you're on YouTube, tell me in the comments, and if you're listening somewhere else, head over to YouTube, and tell me, or Instagram, I'm at Frida Kahlo, and YouTube Sensitive Success. I hope this was helpful to you and these are some things that have really helped me and that I've talked about with others about as well so I felt really called to talk to you about this today as well. Have a beautiful day and let me know in the comments what you thought about this. See you soon. Bye. Thank you for listening to Sensitive Success. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with someone who could benefit from this message. And come over and connect with me on Instagram at Frida Kahlo. And remember, sensitivity is neither good or bad. It's what we make of it. Embrace your sensitivity and use it to create sensitive success your way.