109. Give your perfectionist some love

Join me as I break down what it's like for sensitive folks dealing with the challenges of perfectionism.

Discover simple strategies and heartfelt insights to accept your imperfections and get along with your inner perfectionist. If you're figuring out how to balance being sensitive and loving yourself, this episode is a must-listen.

Don't miss out on this talk made for those who wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Chapters
0:00 - Intro
1:43 - How perfectionism affects HSPs or sensitives
5:29 - Strategies to manage perfectionism
10:44 - It's time to reflect on your perfectionism
11:49 - Outro 

Connect with me on Instagram @fridakabo and share your thoughts on this episode!

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Transcript

0:00

But as sensitives, we can really be prone to be perfectionist as we are noticing those subtleties and those little things that other people might miss, and we have a gift of not only feeling into what we feel and what we thing, but also what other people might think when they see it. So yeah, hello, perfectionist. Welcome to the sensitive success podcast, where we explore the unique challenges and opportunities that comes with being a sensitive change maker in today's world. I'm your host, Frida Kahlo, and I have spent the last decade recreating my life. I moved from Sweden to New Zealand and now live in the beautiful bush with my husband and two kids, homeschooling and creating a life and business that works for me with the help of my sensitivity and support others to do the same. I'm excited to share conversations with Experts thought leaders and fellow sensitive people who also see the world through the lens of sensitivity Thank you so much for being here because it means that you're creating sensitive success, too Which is precisely what the world needs. Let's get started Hello, it's frida koppel here. And today I wanted to talk about our perfectionist, and it's something that has been coming up a lot lately with my clients, and I just wanted to address it here, and to give our perfectionists some love. Can you feel that it needs that? Because, really, A perfectionist can be such a gift if we allow it to be that, and I'm going to go through what I mean about that and, and some strategies that can help us with that, but as sensitives we can really be prone to be perfectionist as we are noticing those subtleties and those little things that other people might miss, and we have um, gift of not only feeling into what we feel and what we think, but also what other people might think when they see it. So there's a lot of things going on for us. And also we're detail oriented. So yeah, hello, perfectionist. And we don't have to be perfectionist to be sensitive, but it is a As I said that I see in a lot of my clients that is coming up and I feel it's important to talk about it. So one thing we can start to investigate and explore is where does it come from? Where does this perfectionist come from? Who wants it to be perfect? And what part of you is asking this? What part of you wants things to be perfect? And why? What is the need for? for everything to be perfect and correct, right? So that is something that we can really investigate and see that it's usually, uh, something that want, is wanting to protect you. It's something that wants to protect you from criticism or from Like, you want to do your best, you want to do the best you can, right? And we know that we can do so much. And we see so much that can change, and like, our emotional reactivity and the empathy, when the, our mirror neurons are lighting up in our brain, not only do we feel what other people feel, but we also want to do something about it. And I think that's where the perfectionist comes in again, because we know that we can do something about it, and we know that we, we want to. create that change and we want to tweak things because we see those tiny details. So it's really there to protect us and there to, to show us that things can be better. But it can also really hold us back from doing the things we do and we want to do. And from, getting things out in the world that we know would benefit other people as well. So that's why I think it's so important to give the perfectionist some love and to really embrace it as the gift that it is. And I also want to say that sometimes if someone else is saying, Oh, you're such a perfectionist, or that can actually be their trigger. That can be their perfectionist speaking is not allowed to be seen and is not allowed to come out and play, right? So just because someone else is saying, Oh, he's such a perfectionist, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Just take your time and think about, Okay, is that something that I want to take to heart? Do I feel like I'm being too much of a perfectionist right now? Or do I want it this way? Because sometimes, especially as sensitives, things can take a bit longer for us in the beginning. Before we, when we're doing something new or when we haven't done things before it can take a bit longer for us to get it out and sometimes that, that is okay. We can, we can take a bit longer and then when we've done it, we're faster, right? Because then we learned and we can do it even faster. So really, really investigate where does this. need to change come from if it's there. Otherwise, just give it a laugh, right? So if this is causing you trouble, if you feel like the perfectionist is holding you back from doing what you want, if you feel like everything needs to be perfect before you do what you want to do, then here are some tips that has really helped me and I see that it helps my clients as well. So one thing that I see that that we can do is that we, for example, if we're doing a webinar or a podcast or whatever we want to put out, we see that as the big goal. So if we, for example, a workshop, we see that as the goal and we want that to be perfect. If we move the goal a bit, what is really the goal? What's behind that? What is more? So, is the goal really to have, to do one workshop? Not really, right? The goal might be to be good at holding workshops, because if you're doing it for the first time, it's going to be tricky, right? There's so many different things that you want to put together and you want to make it but It's not going to be perfect the first time. So move the goal from this workshop has to be perfect to yeah, I'm learning to create and hold workshops so I can do the perfect workshop in 10 years. Feel into that, feel into that shift from yeah, this is my first one I'm going to do perfect to yeah, I'm starting here now, this is my starting point and in 10 years I might do it perfect. Right? So really help the perfectionist and help yourself by moving the end goal, moving that goal where it's supposed to be perfect, right? To see that, and yeah, we all know, like, what is perfect anyway? Is there really such a thing? Right? So another tip is the 80 20 rule that I really like. And, and it's like, if you're 80% Uh, satisfied. If you're 80 percent okay with it, then it's probably okay because other people won't notice those 20%. So we're doing all this work and those 20 percent doesn't matter as much. So when you're 80 percent satisfied. That's okay. Push it out. Just go there. Do it. And also with the perfectionist as, as a gift, know where to use it. Because you don't have to be a perfectionist everywhere. Maybe you are a graphic designer and you want, uh, one graphic to be perfect, but not everything that you do or everything that you put out needs to be perfect. So really look into that. Where can, where can you use it? Where is it a gift? And, and where is it holding you back? And another thing that has helped me, and I see that it's helping, is really play more. See it as exploration. See it as, and I guess it goes into moving the goal, but also, okay, is this, Is the goal to be perfect? Is the goal to grow? Is the goal to explore? Is the goal to see what, what you actually can do or see what, what difference you can make in the world? Then the perfectionist might not be as helpful there, but it might be helpful in, in doing other things, right? And for me, leaning to trust, I've talked about it a lot, but leaning to that part of you, because we usually, especially as sensitives, I've noticed is that we usually have two voices quite high. And maybe the perfectionist is on one shoulder and trust is on the other, because perfectionist can stem from fear, fear of not being accepted, fear of not, like it protects you from all those things. And then on the other shoulder, you can have trust. So listen to that. Lean into that other voice that knows it's going to be all right, knows that you're enough, that knows that you can trust that it's going to work out. And that's a practice. It's, you, you're not going to quiet all the other voices immediately, right? If ever, I don't know yet. Really feel into that. Cause did my perfectionist, um, come up when I went online and, and started creating this podcast episode. Yes, yes it did. Yes, it did come up when I just fixed my hair, and yeah, it's there, and I know it's there, and therefore, if I were to listen to it, I would never put anything out, because I don't see anything that I do that's perfect, and that is not the goal, right? For me, it's not the goal. It doesn't have to be perfect. I, yeah, I want to be professional. I want to have integrity. I want to, it to look good and feel good. I want it to be supportive to you. But also, I lean into that side of me that knows that if this is something that I'm thinking about, if there's something that I'm seeing, if there's something that I have on my heart to say, I really need to trust that, yeah, this needs to be said. So thank you, The Perfectionist, for showing up and showing me that I can be better and that I can, that you're protecting myself. But also, it's okay, I can lean into trust, I know that I can do this, I know that perfect is a state that doesn't really exist, it's a state where I'm perfectly imperfect, right? That's how it is. So yeah, really take some time to reflect on this episode and reflect on what came up for you. Are you giving your perfectionist some love? Are you choosing where you use it? Because yeah, it can make us exhausted if we listen to it all the time because there's always so much to do, right? So let it rest as well. Take some time to think about where is my perfectionist not helpful and where is my perfectionist really helpful and then you can choose to use it and then you can say okay, okay this is not your area, uh, you can come into that area, that's your working prescription for you, that's where you need to work, not here. This is, uh, trust, right? So really give yourselves some love and give love to all the parts of you that are there, that are there for a reason and we are such complex humans and we're here for the human experience. Thank you so much for listening. I hope this was helpful to you. Have a wonderful day. Hi. Thank you for listening to Sensitive Success. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with someone who could benefit from this message. And come over and connect with me on Instagram at Brita Karpo. And remember, sensitivity is neither good or bad. It's what we make of it. Embrace your sensitivity and use it to create sensitive success your way.