Oops I Did It Again! Forgiving Yourself For Your Mistakes

Have you ever felt betrayed by someone close to you, only to realize you might also be betraying yourself by not setting boundaries? Discover how our relationships often mirror our self-treatment in our latest episode. We unpack the profound importance of forgiving ourselves for our mistakes, particularly in the realm of betrayal and self-betrayal. By closely examining our behaviors and self-talk, we explore how to improve our relationship with ourselves, ultimately transforming how we interact with others. This journey towards self-awareness is not about excusing others' disrespectful actions but about recognizing our patterns and making conscious changes.

Embrace the transformative power of vulnerability and honesty, especially when learning from mistakes. We discuss how personal growth stems from owning our actions and understanding the perspectives of those we've hurt. For entrepreneurs, resilience and self-forgiveness are essential tools in handling the inevitable betrayals that come with the journey. We also share insights on maintaining consistency in your endeavors, no matter the occasional slip-ups. Plus, don’t miss out on our free resource: a PDF guide on setting and maintaining healthy boundaries to help you along this path to self-improvement. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a five-star rating to stay updated on all our enriching content!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 2:32

hey, my loves, welcome back to another episode of the other side of the struggle. Um, so, before we get into today's episode because this one's a little bit interesting, you know when I'm like, oops, so those britney spears fans, and you know those who aren't. Well, you're welcome. Now I just totally put something in your head that's going to be playing there consistently. Sorry, anyway, but you know I I've got to say, first and foremost, thank you to you listeners. I am really close to hitting a thousand downloads for the month and I would love a little more love. So please share this podcast or, if you're on YouTube, please share the videos. You are welcome to like and subscribe. You are also welcome to give this podcast a five-star rating, and those are things that are going to help boost numbers for me. And so if you really do love the content that I'm sharing with you and you're loving this podcast and the different things that I get to teach on here and it's really helping you, if you can like and subscribe for me or go hit that five-star rating on the podcast. Either one, I would love it.

Speaker 1: 3:56

Now, with that, let's go ahead and dive right into today's episode. You know, forgiving ourselves for our mistakes Because, let's face it, um, one of the things that is very evident usually people who come to me with, uh, betrayal trauma, uh, whether they be female entrepreneurs or just stay-at-home moms, or even men, you know, I've coached all types and personalities of people, right, and but one thing is that's very, very clear, right, and but one thing is that's very, very clear Is when people are you kidding me, like really, why would you do that? And as I, you know, I gave myself the time to get angry. I gave myself the time to get angry, I gave myself the time to think about it and, you know, just kind of gave myself the time I needed to be able to kind of process what happened. And, like I said, I'm not going to go into detail because it doesn't really matter what happened, but as I was thinking about these things, I've realized that this particular relationship, relationship I had been giving way too much leeway to, and what I mean by that is not being completely honest with how I was feeling about the relationship, because I kind of felt like it wasn't going to make a difference, like with whatever I said. I felt like they would put their experience over mine, which they did. They would put their experience over mine, which they did, and so I never really spoke up in the relationship and that led to a betrayal. And the problem is, because I didn't speak up in the relationship, I did end up feeling very betrayed. But me not speaking up was also a self-betrayal. I had betrayed myself just to make the other person comfortable. Now, granted, luckily, this other person is usually pretty good to work with me on things, um, but I had to admit like that was something I was doing.

Speaker 1: 8:09

We often don't see how we are betraying ourselves in another person's betrayal, because all we're seeing is the other person's betrayal. And don't get me wrong, like you absolutely don't need to be like, oh well, I betrayed myself, so I should be okay with their betrayal. No, not at all. Right, you do not need to put up with with the bad habits, bad behavior, the disrespect, the dismissal of anyone else. Like, no, that's not OK. But you also do need to realize that our, our relationships are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourself and our self-talk. And I can get into that on another episode, like I could probably do a whole other podcast episode on that, and so I probably will.

Speaker 1: 9:23

But today I really just want to talk more or less about forgiving our mistakes and forgiving ourselves for our mistakes. And why is that an important topic? Well, number one we often allow other people to get away with really shady and not respectful things towards us. When we have a deep sense of guilt, a deep sense of, well, you know, I've made mistakes too, I'm making mistakes too. Right, we can even sit there and say well, I betrayed myself too, so it doesn't matter. When somebody else betrays us Like this is the human brain, guys, right? It loves to excuse the actions of another person because we realize that our own actions have been out of alignment with ourselves, and so we tend to think that we deserve to be ignored, neglected, punished, whatever it is going on with this other relationship, because we're doing those things to ourselves. And that's not necessarily the case. Okay, and I should say that's not the case at all, because the truth of the matter is is yes, you do need to stop doing those things to yourself. Yes, you need to start being your own best friend. Yes, you need to start showing up for yourself and loving yourself. Yes, please do those things Right. And yes, it's also true that our relationships are a reflection of the way we treat ourselves. That being said, you still do not need to put up with somebody else's stuff that is toxic to you, because you realize that you need to work on your relationship with yourself.

Speaker 1: 12:32

You know, I had a client who felt like her relationships were fine but she struggled, feeling like they could support her. Um, anytime she like they needed something from her, you know she was there, she was helping them, trying, trying to do everything that she could, but anytime she needed some help, there was complaining and there was hey, I'm too busy. There was no, hey, I'm going to drop everything and come help you, like she was doing with them. And so she was feeling like the support was very one-sided and even though her relationships were usually fairly loving towards her they were kind they just didn't really show up very well for her right. They didn't support her in the way that she was really needing support.

Speaker 1: 13:42

And you know, we got taking a look at, maybe, how she wasn't showing up to support herself and we started finding some things and I'll tell you what they were here in just a second, but it was really interesting. She said to me well, I can't get angry at them because I'm doing the same thing with me. For me, like, oh my gosh, like I'm so dumb, I'm sitting there like didn't you hear anything. You just said, right, sitting there, like didn't you hear anything. He just said, right, because, like her, her home was cluttered. And you know she realized that the clutter and the clutter, by the way, guys, is always a trauma response. Again, another podcast, podcast episode in that one, right, but her home was cluttered.

Speaker 1: 14:46

She didn't really take time for herself. She was ready to drop everything for someone else but struggled to do the same thing for herself. And as we got diving deeper into it, she could see that she wasn't giving herself the support she needed. But one of the biggest things she wasn't doing, or one of the biggest things she was doing, was giving other people a past and condemning herself, people past and condemning herself.

Speaker 1: 15:26

And that, in that, is where her lack of support lied. Right, she wasn't setting boundaries with the people she loved and that loved her back. Actually, they truly did, um, because she felt like she had to give and give and give and give and give and give and give. So that way she would be seen. And once she started giving to herself and when she started really supporting herself and she started saying no to them when she couldn't really show up, when she couldn't really support. Right, the dynamic shifted entirely in her relationships and the people that she loved and that she was serving started to value her service a lot more and started to see it as her showing them that they mattered to her, and so, for that thing, she started mattering more to them and they started being able to have a more supportive relationship. So it's just things like this, but the first thing she had to do was forgive herself for her lack of support.

Speaker 1: 16:53

Right, and what I mean by forgiving it is for the giving. We can see our own flaws, our own faults, our own oops, I did it agains, right, we can totally see those things. But it isn't until we forgive those things that we start actually seeing a major shift and a major change in our relationships. That can be with your clients, that can be with your husband, that can be with your children, your family, your neighbors, whoever it is, your children, your family, your neighbors, whoever it is until you start forgiving yourself and you start loving yourself enough. To number one, still take accountability, radical accountability for the things that you need to change, but also giving yourself just a massive dose of self-compassion, because you can understand and recognize that you're still a good person and you're still like your intentions were good. Just the execution of it might have been a little off right, and so we're just willing to adjust, we're willing to change and we're willing to try again.

Speaker 1: 18:14

These are things that build self-trust, my loves, and self-trust is something that almost without fail, every single one of my clients struggles with. You know, I have clients that build YouTube channels, you know, and are major YouTubers. I have clients who have a multi-million dollar business right, I have really major clients and I can tell you this is something they all struggle with. And I also have clients that are moms, who are stay-at-home moms, who want a better relationship with their spouses, who want to set better boundaries and who also want to set boundaries with their kids, without feeling like monster mom. Right, I get that, I've been there. Right, I'm running a six-figure business. I am running a home, I'm running these things, so I totally understand.

Speaker 1: 19:20

You know where a lot of these people are coming from and, without fail, they all struggle with self-trust, self-compassion and forgiving themselves, because whenever we make a mistake, our brain tends to want to find a meaning behind it. And you know, I'm Christian and I'm going to tell you that I 100% believe that this is right there. That's in that intersection, when the adversary comes in and says you deserve to be unsupported. Look at you, you stupid fool. Why on earth do you think anybody else would love you? Oh, you're totally not going to make it. Now. That's when that comes in, and it's no wonder.

Speaker 1: 20:21

Why we doubt ourselves is because we're having a vulnerable moment. The adversary is using that vulnerability and that weakness to lie to us. He's totally pouncing on it. He's totally like delighting in our weak moments. And then he comes in to gaslight and manipulate us and to mess with our head, and he loves doing it. He knows what he's doing and because he's so good at making it sound like our voice, we believe it. We buy it hook, line and sinker.

Speaker 1: 21:27

But it's not true wants meaning and so it assigns meaning and that's right. Like I said, right when that adversary comes in to our circumstance, even if the meaning isn't true, we make it make sense in our head and then all of a sudden, we're feeling pretty low, we're afraid to take action and it pushes us further away from the result that we really truly want, that we really truly want. But what if the mistake didn't have to mean anything negative? What if it just simply meant it was a mistake and that we get to shift and we get to adjust and we need to learn? What if that's all the mistake meant?

Speaker 1: 24:52

See, the thing is is we need to anchor ourselves to truth, and the truth of the matter is is we are beings of light. I believe we're children of god. You might choose to believe in your highest form of love, but somehow you're connected deeply to that highest form of love, and that love has also had an interchangeable relationship with you, where you have taken on some of the characteristics of love that makes you a being of light, and beings of light love and need truth. We feast at truth. Our very souls desire and want truth. We need it, and when something makes us feel lower and less trust in ourselves, we're somewhere believing a lie, a big one, about ourselves. We're somewhere believing a lie, a big one, about ourselves.

Speaker 1: 26:06

And so this is why it's very important to be very careful about what you allow your mistakes to mean and how you allow those mistakes to affect your relationships. Because if you think that because you've made mistakes and you're imperfect, that you need to give other people who make mistakes and are imperfect a pass. That's not true, and it doesn't mean you need to give yourself a pass either. But if you would set a boundary with them, you also need to set a boundary with yourself, because a boundary set that is not lived by ourselves is ingenuine. It's hypocritical. So what we need to do is we need to think to ourselves like how do we really want our relationships to show up for us? Then, before we can expect our relationships to show up that way, we need to show up that way, first and foremost for ourselves, because we must model what it is we want given, because for our own good. Now we finally know what it looks like, because we're doing it for ourselves and we can see when somebody else is out of alignment or maybe just not really paying attention right to the relationship and maybe stepping on our toes a little bit. Right, then we can actually help them learn what respect means.

Speaker 1: 27:56

And what's amazing is, people love being respectful, they love feeling respectful, they love feeling like hey, actually I can take this. I can handle being honest with myself, I can handle being vulnerable. I can handle deep respect. It makes you feel like a fantastic human. And what do fantastic humans do? They go out and do fantastic things.

Speaker 1: 28:21

Okay, so the mistake what does it mean about you? And then check in deeply to how it makes you feel what you take the meaning on, as If it's making you feel pretty low. It's not true. What you have taken the meaning of the mistake to be is not true. However, when you take the mistake to mean, okay, I have some improvement here and you work on that one area, a lot of other areas improve as well and all of a sudden, overwhelm kind of just tends to go away. And this is one of the reasons too. I say, if you really want to improve your life and drop so many mistakes, the best thing we can do is turn our vision and our light to God or your highest form of love, depending on what you believe and who you're listening to. Right, because it simplifies all of the things that we've got to change, all of the things we have to do better in. It simplifies those things and instead of having to do a million different things all on our own, we tend to just kind of do better naturally, and the things that we thought we all had to change kind of tend to either change naturally, effortlessly and easily, um, or they kind of just go away, the things that we don't like, because we tend to learn to like ourselves. Okay, all right.

Speaker 1: 30:22

Moving on, uh, number two, some other things you can do with. Uh, forgiving your mistakes is number one. You can either run from it or you can learn from it. Now we're talking about old rafiki here. You know, in in the lion king, when he smacks simba on the head and Simba's like, yeah, but it still hurts, and Rafiki's like, oh, yeah, it's the past, can't hurt, right? And Rafiki swings a stick at him again and he says you can either run from it or you can learn from it. We are going to make mistakes. You can run from them or you can learn from them. Running from them is making it mean something negative about you. That is running from your mistakes. And if you're running from your mistakes, chances are you're also running from your relationships, because you are not going to do things perfectly in any relationship.

Speaker 1: 31:30

As much as we try, as much as we want to, there's going to be times where we unintentionally step on somebody else's toes. It happens probably a little more frequently than what we would like, but learning from it simply is oh well, that did not work the way I had expected it to, so what do I need to do differently? And so we take a step back and we start seeing, like, what can we actually extract from this? How did it go wrong? And that gives us deep wisdom. You guys, mistakes are a good thing as long as we're learning from them. They will build character. They will build resilience. They will build character. They will build resilience. They will build the fantastic human, as long as we're willing to learn from them and not reject ourselves and throw the baby out with the bathwater simply because we made a mistake.

Speaker 1: 32:33

Okay, and what do we do when we've made a mistake in a very cherished relationship? Well, obviously, we forgive ourselves right and we own it. It's really important to own our mistakes, own our problems, own our lives. It's very important to do those things. And if you've unintentionally hurt someone, well, a fantastic human listens to how they've unintentionally hurt, tries to understand from the other person's perspective and reiterates until they truly do understand. And it's only after they understand do they try to explain things from their side.

Speaker 1: 33:30

So what happens when mistakes have been made and you are the fall guy? And this often happens with a husband who's kind of just not there, either because he's heavily into porn or his own emotions are so large that it causes neglect or you can even have this happen with clients, right? Clients? How many times do they step on entrepreneurs toes? I've said it so many times entrepreneurs are by far the group of people that experience the most betrayal and I'm not even joking, and it's just because we have so many more relationships that we have to deal with than you know just just people who don't build businesses, who aren't entrepreneurs, who aren't influencers. We get betrayed by audiences. We get betrayed by our clients. We get betrayed a lot actually. But you can run from it or you can learn from it. Okay, my loves, I hope this was helpful. Don't beat yourself up too much over mistakes. Mistakes happen. Sometimes life gets in the way. I know Mistakes happen. Sometimes life gets in the way.

Speaker 1: 35:01

I know I've been pretty consistent with my podcast, but I totally forgot to send out an email last week and yeah, whoops, I did it again. Right, I can get pretty irritated with myself over that, or I can quickly forgive myself and get back to posting and make sure I'm bringing really great content. And also, if you guys would love to get on my email list, because in in that newsletter I also give out a lot more freebies. I also do a lot more teaching. We talk about the podcast on there. Let me know, go ahead.

Speaker 1: 35:51

And in the description below there is a link for my Clarify and Create your Boundaries PDF. And, by the way, guys, I've got a couple more really excellent PDFs in the works and coming, so be watching for those. Some more freebies. I love freebies, right, but if you go sign up for that Clarify and Create your Boundaries, that's completely free, my gift to you and you can sign up for my newsletter there as well. All right, my loves. Hopefully this was helpful for you. Don't forget to like and subscribe or hit the five star rating, and until next time I'll see you on the other side. Bye, guys.