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Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The Excellence Above Talent podcast was started because of death trauma and pain. Men are 3.6 times more likely to commit suicide than women. Men predominantly do the violence that happens in the US. Men in the United States predominantly commit domestic violence and sexual assaults. Ninety percent of the prison population are men. I want to start a conversation to get clarity and insight on why this is happening. Families are being destroyed, lives are being lost, and people are hurting from the hands of men, men who were supposed to be the providers and protectors of their families. As a BIPP (Batterer’s Intervention and Prevention Program) Director for 4 years, I have had numerous conversations with men about why they thought abuse was necessary or did not even know they were abusers. The conversation had in our class helped open my eyes and the eyes of other men. I found out that men want to talk about these issues, but there is no platform or space, so we keep quiet, not wanting to challenge the status quo. The Excellence Above Talent podcast will do just that; it will challenge everything we think manhood is. Join the conversation and let us fight for the state of man because this next generation of young men needs us too.
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
Men in the Making Understanding and Reversing Harmful Patterns
When I stepped into my 7th grade math classroom, I didn't expect to confront the harsh reality of how young boys treat their female teachers. But there it was, a microcosm of the disrespect and intimidation that can seed future abusive behaviors. In my latest podcast episode, I, Aaron Thomas, take you through a journey that is both harrowing and hopeful. I invite courageous men, who once walked a troubled path, to share their stories of transformation and the conversations they wish they'd had earlier. This is a deep look into the origins of abuse, the societal constructs of masculinity, and the critical importance of early intervention.
Together, we question the societal blueprint that shapes the way young boys view strength, control, and power. Are they learning from family dynamics, societal pressures, or is it the toxic influence of objectifying women? We dissect these complex influences with the aim of understanding and reshaping the narrative around what it means to be a man. This episode isn't just an exploration—it's a call to action for anyone who cares about the development of our boys and the safety of our communities. Tune in for an insightful conversation that challenges us to be better mentors, educators, and allies in the fight against the cycle of abuse.
#excellenceabovetalent #EAT #dontgiveup #youdeservethebest #youareenough ...
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:What's up my beautiful people? Aaron Thomas, with Excellence Above Talent, I started teaching 7th grade math in November, so I've been doing it for about seven months and there's one thing that I've been seeing and it's so glaring that I started to dig deeper in where abuse comes from. I was also the BIP coordinator BIP stands for Battler Intervention and Prevention Program at the Crisis Center of West Texas for five years and we facilitated a class for men who were abusive to be accountable for their actions, because a lot of times, if not most of the times, when people are abusive, they try to blame their spouse, their job, everything else besides themselves and why they are abusive. And in in in having these deep conversations with a lot of these men, a lot of them didn't understand or didn't know where it came from, how they became abusive in the first place. A lot of them, when having a conversation about accountability and expressing yourself and anger isn't the only thing that you have to show in order to be a man A lot of them never got to have that conversation until they had to be court ordered to come to a class because their abusive behaviors sent them there and a lot of men in this class would have or expressed their wishes of having a conversation earlier in their life that could have potentially prevented them from the path of becoming an abuser.
Speaker 2:And I know that word is a. It's one of those like taboo words. No one wants to really be called an abuser. It doesn't sound good, but at the end of the day you can't run from who you are and if that's all you know until you are shown otherwise, you can't. You can't try to deny.
Speaker 2:But abuse isn't just physically putting your hands on someone. Abuse could be verbal talking down on someone, talking over someone, calling gaslighting, making them think that they're crazy. Abuse could also be using what you assume as strength to intimidate, and that is one thing that I see here at the junior high that I teach at. Sixth, seventh and eighth graders have no respect for women teachers when they talk, a lot of them just walk right by them or they just walk right up on them to where it started to be very uncomfortable, and you can see that they're uncomfortable and they're just trying to push their way through to go to wherever they're trying to get to, with ill regards of how it's making the other person feel, and I personally don't think they care, and so when I see it happening now, I stop and we try to have that conversation, but it is something that has kind of opened my eyes to.
Speaker 2:You know, when people run around talking about toxic masculinity, it's where is it coming from? These young boys grow up and they're trying to figure it out and then, when they're 18, where you don't have to listen or pay attention, you can intimidate or bully or kind of push past them, versus stopping and having a conversation or stopping and listening to what it is that she has to say and I think I started to have the conversation in my head is like where does abuse come from? It's a learned behavior, yes, and you might have seen it in your family, and so you assume that that is just the dynamic of man and woman and that's what it's supposed to be. But if you haven't seen it in your family, is it society and what society is telling you what a man should be that then pushes these young boys to be something that they're not in order to feel validated by society? Is it pornography? The objectification of women, then, would make young boys feel that women are only meant for one thing and a woman can't tell me anything because she has no power in his head, because he has or he is objectifying women in a way to where he can't see them pass what he thinks they are, versus them being human beings.
Speaker 2:Is it control? Someone is trying to exert control over someone and so whatever it takes to get control over that person, they're willing to do. Is it power? Some young boys or men might not feel power ever and they get with someone and they feel like they have to exert power over that person. And power is very addicting once you get it and you have options of with that power. Like Spider-Man said with his uncle, with great power comes great responsibility. And a lot of men try to exert power or get power and let's say they get power and instead of using it for good, they use it to continue to hurt others. So my mind has been racing past couple of months of you know what we can do as a society, what I can do as a man in this society, to help push forward a change of thought when it comes to how we view ourselves and also how we view the women in our lives.
Speaker 2:It's a humbling experience because I was that guy and there are times where I still see some of that guy when I walk by the mirror the abusive asshole, the one trying to exert power, trying to get control, because he had no power or no control over his life and so he was trying to get it power and control over somebody else's life, so I guess he could make their lives just like his, which was not good. He is me. I'm talking about myself, so I'm not running from the fact that I was one of those guys and I've had to work on, you know, vulnerability and ego and looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the monster that I was so that I could work on him to make him better. And now that I'm trying to be the best man I can possibly be, I'm starting to see these things in these young men, which is sad because I know the path that is going to lead them down. They're going to miss out on a lot of good people and a lot of good women because they can't get, or they don't feel like they could get, themselves under control, or because they feel like they have already learned all these abusive ways and tactics in the sixth, seventh and eighth grade.
Speaker 2:Like gaslighting in middle school is atrocious and most, every kid does it. They will punch someone while you're looking dead at them and while they're looking dead at you, you tell them to stop and they say I didn't do anything. With a dead face, with no accountability whatsoever. And then when you go and you address it, with them face to face, they begin to shut down, they begin to get frustrated, they start crying or they look away or, you know, they do everything in their power not to accept the consequences of their actions. And it's something that I see on a daily basis and to me it's frightening because we're sending this, we're giving this next generation the tools that we don't, that we didn't need or want. We're giving them the same exact tools to do the same exact thing. That has been happening over time, versus trying to have the conversation of what can we do as a society, as a community, as a family, to address the issue of seeing all people as people, humans. And so now I'm on this quest, and I've been on this quest.
Speaker 2:It's always been about men's mental health and trying to figure out the best way we, as men, can live our life to inspire, motivate and encourage the people around us. I'm a big believer in the world is only as strong as our men are, and we are, or we have, a lot of weak men right now in our society and they are creating a lot of weak boys that at some point are going to turn to be men. We are in a society where we're pushing young boys down the same exact path that I was forced to go down, which was provide and protect. Don't show your feelings or emotions, act like everything's okay, and we know for a fact that that does not work and it creates a living volcano inside of you and then at some point, you will explode, and it's usually never on the people that you don't know, it's on the people that you love. It's on the people that you love.
Speaker 2:And so, trying to have these conversations with these young men about listening to when a woman talks and to not press up on her when she's trying to have a conversation with you, to not try to intimidate, to not try to push past, because it's crazy, yeah, when I hear it and I see it there, they've already either walked past the woman or they're like talking to her or down to her and about to walk past her. And then, when I come out and I stand there and I try to have that conversation, the tone changes because they think they can get away with it, think they can get away with it. They will try until someone that might be bigger than them or someone that isn't going to be intimidated by them not saying that these women are intimidated, because they are not intimidated, but they just still think, as young boys, they can just walk past her without the consequence of anything. And so when I walk out there and I stand there, I look at them, they move around, they go back outside, they stop and they try to have the conversation with the lady, because I usually try to tell them she is talking to you, like, look at her and have that conversation, stop just trying to walk past her or talk quickly, because it's rude, it's disrespectful and that's just not the way we should be treating others at this school. So it's inspired me to be more active in having these talks because, I'll tell you this, in having these talks, because I'll tell you this, no one's talking about it, and I want to be a place where you can come when you know you need to hear something, but no one's going to say it.
Speaker 2:Like suicide, like men's mental health, like abusive behaviors, like if you don't get a hold of your addictions, regardless of whatever it is, it's going to send you down this path, and the path is going to be destructive not only for you but also for the people that surround you. And so abuse is something that most people don't want to talk about, but most people are in it. They are the ones being the abuser. They know friends and people who are being abused and they don't know where to go or what to say. There are nonprofits out here in Odessa, but the one that I worked for and worked for for five years, and they did an amazing job at helping people. It's not just women who get abused, it's also men, and they helped everyone. If you were in an abusive situation and that you wanted to help, they would help you find a way out. The Crisis Center of West Texas is also a great place where maybe you don't know what to say to your friend or your colleague or your family that's going through this abusive behavior.
Speaker 2:And when I say abusive behavior, it isn't just hitting. It's financial abuse. They're keeping the money, giving you a little bit, so that they feel like they have some hold over you. It's emotional, making you feel bad, talking down to you, gaslighting you. It's verbal cussing at you, screaming at you, it's intimidation, it's force. There's so many different levels to it and it's just not a one size fit all.
Speaker 2:And if you are confused or you don't know if you're in an abusive relationship, then calling the Crisis Center of West Texas and having a conversation with the client service people there. They could help you understand what it is that you're going through, if it's abusive or not, and so it's something that I do care deeply about, just like suicide, just like men's mental health, deeply about, just like suicide, just like men's mental health. I think to me it all goes together when it comes to trying to be the best man you can possibly be Like. You have to have these tough conversations, you have had to have gone down some of these roads to get to where you didn't like who you was, as a person or as a man, and then you had to rebuild, relearn, rethink the things that you thought was manly, now understanding that it only created a void or an anger from within that made you feel like you wasn't enough, that you had to do more and be more in order to make society view you as this alpha male and you don't have to do any of that.
Speaker 2:So if you're trying to figure it out and you don't know, if you're in an abusive relationship and this goes for my fellas as well reach out to the Crisis Center of West Texas. Have that conversation with them. The number is 432-333-2527. So that you can start to live your life in a way to where it inspires, motivates and encourages people that's in your circle. So if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You are awesome. You are amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but you get stronger. Y'all have a blessed Friday and enjoy your weekend. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time, thank you.
