98. Soft Life Fat Loss

We’re getting into a juicy topic that’s near and dear to my heart today! In this episode, I’m sharing how fat loss can be a nourishing and, dare I say, joyful process. Long gone are the days of going too far in the direction of forcing and violating our well-being in the name of getting leaner. You’re entering your soft life era instead!

In this episode, I cover:

• Signs of the unhealthy masculine
• Why we need yang/masculine energy to thrive
• An exercise to ensure you feel safe and secure throughout the fat loss process
• Soft life fitness behaviors and beliefs
• The archetype you need to start embodying
• And so much more!

Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!

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Transcript

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[00:00:00] Welcome to welcome back to the Jesse Golden podcast. Hopefully it's welcome back. We are talking about fat loss these days because the doors to sustainability in academy open. On January 23rd. To only those who are on the wait list. That is because the early bird price will be offered during that time for a couple of days. 

And then I will open the doors to everybody else. Who's not on the wait list a couple days later. So if you know, you want to join where you're least interested in joining, I would absolutely get on the list because why wouldn't you want to take advantage of the best possible price? Am I right. Okay, so now let's talk about. Soft life, fat loss. That is what we're talking about today. And if you haven't heard of the term soft life, Soft life is a term that really blew up on social media. 

Primarily I've seen it a little bit on Instagram, but really a lot on [00:01:00] TechTalk YouTube could just be my algorithm of course, but soft life is more of that feminine flow type of life where. You don't feel chronically stressed. Like most women in society today, you feel receptive. That's a big. Element of being in our feminine energy is we're willing to receive. 

You're letting the stress just kind of roll off your back. You are drawing intense boundaries from boundaries as needed. That's more of a masculine element that allows you to thrive in your soft life. But if we think about this in the context of fat loss, I want you to think of the soft life as a relaxed process. 

It is nourishing. It does not feel like you're forcing. It feels like you're allowing your receiving. You're in tune with your body and you are in trust with your body. And this makes the process of fat loss. So much less aggressive. And less intimidating for a lot of women, but so much of this, the [00:02:00] reason. That I'm focusing on this. 

And really the underbelly of SLA is for women. Who had a history? Have a negative relationship with food and that often coincides with a negative relationship with intentional weight loss. So, if we think about this, it is a really nourishing process to lose fat. And if you were like me, Those two things coinciding saying those two things in the same sentence, nourishing. 

And fat-loss be like, what the fuck? How can those two things coexist? I'm not as what my goal is, is to bring that to you. So let's talk about. What are some signs? Of imbalanced or unhealthy masculine when we're in that unhealthy masculine energy, because we do need. Masculine or think of yang, if that doesn't resonate with you, the universe needs polarity. 

We need both sides to be in harmony to be imbalanced. So it's not about getting rid. Of all those beautiful masculine qualities, yang [00:03:00] qualities, it's about making sure that they are in healthy alignment. So imbalanced, unhealthy masculine signs or outcomes. Over everything else. So in the terms, in the context of fat loss, I might look like I'm willing to bulldoze my mental and physical health. 

I'm willing to destroy relationships, my social life. My career, because everything is just focused on achieving this one goal. Bulldozing. Another thing is hustle culture. So of course working hard. People now have come to the other end of the spectrum saying working hard is something that is detrimental. 

I disagree. Working hard as a beautiful thing. And we're built for it in the right context, but it's when we don't allow ourselves to rest again, it's the opposite and that we need that harmony absolutely work hard in the gym. If you want to build muscle, you need to work hard. The needed to rest hard. And the hustle culture is just push, push, push force. 

Don't rest. Never skip [00:04:00] a Monday. I never take a day off. Rest days are for wimps. Who's going to use another word, but I don't want to offend anybody. And this often coincides with burnout. Okay. Burnout is another sign of that. I, myself, struggled with that and ended up with a lot of chronic health issues as a result. Because I was not honoring my own boundaries that healthy masculine would have said, Nope. This is where we put the fork in the road, the stake in the ground, and no more. But I didn't have that, that strong internal sense of groundedness. Tracking every body function. Even when it doesn't feel good. So, this is when it becomes obsessive. 

When it's coming from a place of fear. Just completely data-driven you're out of tune with your body being in tune with your body. Is that yin it's that feminine, which we need to balance. Looking at things like data. If you want to, you also have a ton of data. If you just pay attention to what your body's saying, which is the approach that I use and a lot of women inside of SLA [00:05:00] use. But that imbalanced is data over everything else. Which often leads to completely dismissing and gaslighting. 

That was sort of, I was just thinking of gaslighting your own experience within your body. Again, constant pushing and forcing. Everything is intense. Everything is intense to rest to have more flow receptivity. Nope. We can't have that. That was very much me and it's not CrossFit's fault. It was my relationship with CrossFit. Was the more intensity, the better. 

And that was to be fair, kind of the ethos of CrossFit for a very long time, until I think they saw particularly women dropping like flies. And then they had to realize, oh, that is not actually healthy longterm. 

And another sign is other important life values, fall to the wayside. If you put your value values on a spreadsheet, on a list notes, app, whatever. Uh, [00:06:00] hierarchy and you look, and of course it's going to change depending on the specific situation. Some values might compete with one another at certain times. But if you say. Okay. Performance in the gym, fat loss comes before everything else or even health. Some people get so myopically focused and so obsessively focused on their health. They realized I don't have relationships. They don't have any hobbies. 

I don't have any creativity, any joy, any play, not actually harms their health even more. So other important life values just fall to the wayside because you're so focused. On driving forward. And you can think of the stereotypical. Hyper driven. Corporate CEO where just the rest of his life is in shambles, but all he cares about is pushing forward in business. 

He will not rest until he has captured everything. I've recently started watching the, not the current season of billions, but the most recent one. And you can see that mentality where it is just hustle. Take [00:07:00] everyone down in my path in order to get what I want. That is an imbalanced, unhealthy masculine energy. 

And that's what we've seen in society for. So much of history. 

Now we need that healthy balance of the masculine and the feminine. So I don't want you thinking, oh, no structure. I should never move my body. I should never have to do anything hard. No. That's going too far, the other direction. That's just chaos. We don't want chaos. We want. Vibrates. We want nourishment and we need to have boundaries and structure, life enhancing boundaries and structure. So you need that yang. To allow your feminine to flourish to allow that soft life. So, if you think about this in the context of a man and a woman, 

In relationship. 

If someone is more masculine, it doesn't even have to be man or woman, but if there's a more masculine partner, And a more feminine partner, typically that ends up happening whether we realize it or not. And it does not have to be gender specific. When one person [00:08:00] is more in that masculine that really steady, strong. Rooted yang energy, which again, we all have that within ourselves too, but just in the context of two people relating, then it allows the other person, the more feminine being to be more go with the flow. And when I think about my own relationship history, And that absolutely. Resonates as truth for me. I was very rarely in that place of being in that feminine flow. But I feel my most vibrant self when there is that sense of groundedness and rootedness in another person. 

So I say that because that can be an easy way to relate to. To it within your own self. So if you think, okay, what allows that feminine, creative receptive part of me to flourish it's when that part of me that is more rooted and grounded, more of that warrior queen self. Right. She has her spear next to [00:09:00] her hers. Feet are rooted and grounded. Then the rest of you gets to have fun, but if you don't have that structure, then you're going to feel very fearful of letting out that feminine flow. You're going to feel like it's going to turn into chaos because I very well may, and this is what I see with women who say, oh, I took it too far and I went. Too far into pushing, right. 

That unhealthy masculine that I just talked about. And then they just forget to have any structure at all and they go into chaos and then they feel just as bad. Just on the opposite end of the spectrum. This is what a lot of people mistakenly think intuitive eating is, is, oh, just have a free for all. That's not it at all. 

You need to have that healthy balance. And this means in the context, we're talking about fat loss here. You need to have firm boundaries with yourself and others. It's okay to have expectations and devotion. To yourself. You're committed. When I think about and fat loss, if I say. I have a goal. And there are certain behaviors that I [00:10:00] commit to. I'm committed. 

That feels like something that is such a beautiful relationship with it. I am committed to another person I'm committed to myself. I'm committed to my values. That is a really nourishing feel to it and a mature feel to it. Rather than forcing. So another way to ensure that you are in this healthy balance. As I want you to get crystal clear on what you are willing to and not willing to tolerate or sacrifice on your fat loss journey. 

For me, for example, I will not allow relationships to suffer. 

Does that mean it may take me longer to get to my goal? Yes. And I mean this, in the context of socializing. Or if I start to get moody, for example, that used to happen to me a ton in my low carb days, that would cause relationships to suffer. If you find yourself being too obsessive people pick up on that, that's an energy that can be felt by other people in your relationships. It might be less tolerant. You might be saying, oh, I don't want to spend time with people I really care about, cause I just want to [00:11:00] go to the gym and that's all I want to do is meal prep and go to the gym. Is that really your values hierarchy. 

Be very clear about that. If my mindset with food at all ever started to get squirrely. Done. That's when things get wrapped up. Okay. That's a firm boundary for me. That didn't happen, but if it did happen to happen, That doesn't mean? Oh no, the world is ending. It just means, okay. We're putting a lid on this. 

We're done. If my health were to start to decline. Absolutely. I shared in the most recent fat-loss phase that was last year, about a year ago. And then the year prior, two years ago, Insomnia tends to be one of my biggest signs that Hey, the nervous system is being pushed too far. So that's an immediate sign of no, and I don't push it. Because that's a firm boundary for me. For you might be your career also suffers you're taking away from just your overall sense of vibrancy, whatever it is, maybe it's you want to still be able to go on trips and do your holidays, which I would absolutely encourage you to [00:12:00] do because it's highly possible to achieve both. If you're thinking that you cannot go on holidays. Or I just sounded very British with that. If you can not go on vacations or enjoy holidays. 

While pursuing a goal. Then you need a different approach and you just need to learn how to integrate that into your approach because I've done it so many times and all of my clients do it as well. Now let's focus on what are some soft life fitness science. So signs that you are embracing that soft life on the journey to getting leaner. You're focusing on the process versus the outcomes. You're enjoying the day-to-day being in the moment versus just forcing yourself to get to an outcome as quickly as possible. We don't want to be so tuned out of the present moment. Due to only being obsessed with what will calm the wind, the success. This allows you, if you do do that, you're [00:13:00] solely focused. 

Remember that's an imbalanced unhealthy masculine. You're going to miss a lot of signs from your body. And a lot of valuable feedback from your body. 

Treating yourself really, really well, along the way. Hey, that nourishment. That's what we want. And this can be with food movement, stress management. Your joy, your play. Are you allowing yourself to go out and be outside in nature and just relax, just stare at outer space. I do that quite often. It is one of the most relaxing nourishing things. Allowing the results to come rather than forcing them. 

And this means that you are in a state of trust. We are trusting our bodies. We know the education of how fat loss works. We know that we have a great strategy in place. Then we just get to sit back and allow, and with that. Structure. With that masculine rootedness, that yang. Then we can get into that yin energy, that feminine flow. Mindfulness. We are mindful rather than just [00:14:00] automated, stuck in our head. Present. Managing. Chronic stress. And also our perception of stress. 

So I want you to think, because there's so much talk about stress and I need to continue to talk about this, but we are inundated with stress on a daily basis. And if we get into this mindset of, oh my gosh, I can't handle. Modern day life. That makes us a victim and that doesn't feel good. That's not empowering. So instead, I want you to say, how can I incorporate throughout my day opportunities to really rest? 

Because remember we can push, but we need to rest. We can work hard, but we need to rest and play hard. I would say work hard, rest hard. 

Now our perception of stress is just as important. If you are viewing everything as a threat. Simply because you're paranoid and I've been this person that everything is going to cause your nervous system to become dysregulated. Or you're going to go down into a health spiral, which is [00:15:00] possible if you're like me and you had chronic health issues for a very long time that were somewhat mysterious. Then it's easy to slip back into. 

Oh shit. I don't want to go back to that place. So you're a little hyper aware of things that might quote unquote trigger. You hate that word, but. You can change your perception of stress. And you can say, I am resilient to stress. And at the same time, I understand that my body has limits. My nervous system has limits, which is closely connected to your metabolism. So it's both and I'm resilient. 

I can handle stress. And also I'm not a robot. I'm a human being and my body needs time to rest in order to recover. 

Another big one. Of being in that soft life, don't take on others' responsibilities and play the martyr. We as women starting with young girls have been taught to self sacrifice. That we are here to just lay on the train tracks for everybody else. We are the martyr. We need to build be the chill cool girl who never complains. 

And [00:16:00] you say jump, and we say, how high. Meanwhile, everyone's riddled with anxiety playing the martyr. No. We are doing queen shit. Instead you hold your boundaries and you say, you're an adult. You can handle this. And you don't need to overburden yourself in order to prove your goodness. Taking care of yourself is a beautiful thing you deserve to be taken care of. Bye. Yourself. Let other people manage their own shit. 

Slow walks versus something like power box. 

Can we slow down the pace? Can we really be in the moment, incorporate that mindfulness look around you. Enjoy your environment. Be at peace within your body. 

Versus everything having to be forceful now, sometimes it might actually feel better to be more in that. Yang energy where you're getting that energy out and you're in a power walk or you're lifting weights. Again, this is just the other side. Can you be more gentle and mindful if you only know how to [00:17:00] push and go a thousand miles an hour? Consider slow being mindful and present. Lifting weights with autoregulated training versus just solely living in your head, going all out five days a week. Autoregulated training means that you're incorporating feedback from your body. Into your performance that day. 

So you're not just Willy nilly going for a number that's written down in a program. Things like rate of perceived exertion. Reps to failure, which is what I include in all of my programming. This is something that is incredibly helpful to make sure that you are not pushing your body past its. Limits for recovery. 

Uh, 

rest. Now, of course, this isn't just be a bump on a log. And don't do anything challenging, but if you are someone who's constantly going. Make sure that you are constantly not constantly. You're getting enough rest. As well, so sleep. For the love for the longest time. I just did not prioritize sleep. I did not think that it was something [00:18:00] that was important. I am such a better version of myself when I am well rested. And then I have the juice. To go accomplish it. Get into that yang energy. And then I go back into the end to balance. 

So remember, it's always a balance. We don't want to be too far on one end of the spectrum or the other long-term there will be periods over here, periods over here, but long-term we want to try and stay in the middle. Making meals that are nourishing for mind, body, and soul. So can you slow down? And make nourishing meals. 

Can you connect? To that part of you that wants to connect to food, which is something that we did in throughout history for much longer time. And a lot of the romance cultures. If you think the romance romantic European cultures like Spain, Italy, France. The saver and love their food. It's a way to connect to family to loved ones. 

You can use it as an opportunity to connect with [00:19:00] yourself and your body. Now, keep in mind everything I'm saying with this soft life here. There is a time and a place for the more yang energy as well, just to reiterate that. So for you, that might been okay. I need to actually prep meals in order to get into this nourishing. Meal. Perspective, state of mind, state of being. So there's both an. Another one is time spent with loved ones. 

Make sure you're balancing the working hard with your other values, like spending time with people you love. More yin. Type of creatures. I define myself as one of those. I definitely feel more like myself. I didn't know this for a long time, but when I'm more in that feminine space, And relationships are one of the most important things to many women who are wired. 

Like I am. So ensure that you are actually prioritizing the things that matter to you. Can you spend time with loved ones and you think, what the hell does this have to do with fat loss? [00:20:00] When your nervous system is in a state of calm and peace and you are regulated. Then your metabolism is not registering. 

Oh my gosh. We need to conserve things. We need to down-regulate everything. Because we are in a state of danger. Our metabolism and our nervous system. Think of those as one in the same, in a lot of ways. So relationships with people that you trust. Super important, appreciating your body. Are you saying nice things to your body? Or are you talking shit to your buddy? Okay. 

And your body, your brain is going to start to think. Sending signals to your body. Oh shit. We are in a state of danger here. Too much negativity, so much negative thinking. And I have negative thoughts, of course, that pop into my brain during times of stress, especially. But the key is not to jump in the water with them, let them be there. 

That's okay. It's when we start to attach to them. And then next thing you know, it's 20 minutes later and you've gone in this whole novel in your head about this negative shit talking. [00:21:00] So can you just let those negative thoughts come and go? And then focus on appreciating your body. And that can be through action through thoughts. Through words. 

Prepping meals or food, if that feels kind and loving, if that feels very supportive to you. When I was in my corporate jobs, I would often prep meals, prep food, more so, and then mix and match so that I would have nourishing food for myself throughout the day. That felt very kind and loving and supportive to me. 

If it's coming from a place of rigidity and fear and forcing. That's an imbalanced. Yang unhealthy masculine energy. We want to come from that. This is a gift to myself. 

Using tracking, if it feels fun and supportive versus feeling militant. If we're overriding, we're just focusing on purely the data, disregarding our body and our body's feedback. It's probably not going to feel very good. We're too far. The other end of the spectrum. [00:22:00] So if tracking feels like a fun, enjoyable, supportive experience for you, I love it. 

Lots of play. 

Laughter joy still engage in hobbies. Watch uplifting shows and listen to funny podcasts movies. Engage with people who uplift you. Like I said, this, a lot of this work has to do also with the state of our nervous system. We need to be in that state of play. And then we can also have that state of, I have a goal that I'm chasing at the same time. Focusing on hobbies, prioritizing other life values, like I said, and encapsulating all of this. 

So both the masculine and the feminine, the yin and the yang. You are queen. And I know that can sound like, okay, whatever, I'm a queen, this like crunchy booboo shit. Really, if you think of the archetype of a queen, and I talk about this in food, freedom evolution, we have the princess, and then we have the queen. The princess is kind of has that pick me energy, where everything's just focused on [00:23:00] superficial and she just wants to be. Doted on, which is lovely. 

I love to be doted on, but the queen likes that. And also. Has that very strong rooted. I can handle myself and take care of myself while taking care of others. I have very firm boundaries. And I also am trusting. I'm in flow with life. It's very different energy. Princess versus the queen. You want to be in that queen energy? 

Not in that. Oh my gosh. I'm a martyr and I need to sacrifice myself. No. And whoever you need to think of. When I think of this queen energy, if you've watched the movie 300. And just definitely gonna show that I have brothers. Most women don't typically love that movie. I love it. But. The wife in that movie, she is just Regal. 

She is that strong, beautiful energy. That is just like, don't fuck with me. And I can take care of myself. I can take care [00:24:00] of people around me. And when I say that earlier, when I said you're not a martyr, I'm talking about children here. She can take care of children while still maintaining her sense of boundaries. While still maintaining her sense of wellbeing, her sense of self. 

So embody that queen energy, and that will allow you to stay in that balance where you're living that soft, receptive life. And you're not going too far into that imbalanced. Unhealthy masculine energy of forcing and obsessing. And disconnecting and gaslighting yourself. 

So I love this topic so much. I hope to be talking a lot more about the masculine and feminine energy in. Uh, gosh, we are in 20, 24 already. So if this is something you're interested in, I would love to hear from you over on Instagram. If you'd like me to share more about all the things that I have learned. 

I just think it's the most fun topic ever. And more importantly, stress and the metabolism is a huge, huge part of sustainably lean academy. It's one of the many things that makes [00:25:00] SLA unique and why my clients find such great success after years of feeling terrified. Of intentional weight loss, especially after they've had a negative relationship with food, their body's weight loss in general. So once again, the doors to SLA will be opening on the 23rd to the waitlist members, only everyone else. 

A couple of days later, and only the weightless gets the early bird price. So. If, you know, you want to jump in, get on that wait list and I will see you all in the next episode.