In this episode, I’m sharing the importance of moving through discomfort if you don’t want to repeat the same patterns for the next 5, 10, 20 years of your life. If you want your reality to look different with your relationship with food, lifestyle habits, weight loss, muscle gain, etc., then you absolutely need to give this episode a listen!
I cover:
The purpose of our nervous systems & what they love.
What separates the successful vs unsuccessful most of the time.
The two different types of discomfort & which one to move towards.
The many instances of discomfort I’ve had with my body and how I moved through them.
Key mindset shifts to finally get moving.
The harrowing reality of always being comfortable.
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
Follow me on Tiktok: @jessiemgolden
Subscribe to my Youtube channel
In this episode, I’m sharing the importance of moving through discomfort if you don’t want to repeat the same patterns for the next 5, 10, 20 years of your life. If you want your reality to look different with your relationship with food, lifestyle habits, weight loss, muscle gain, etc., then you absolutely need to give this episode a listen!
I cover:
The purpose of our nervous systems & what they love.
What separates the successful vs unsuccessful most of the time.
The two different types of discomfort & which one to move towards.
The many instances of discomfort I’ve had with my body and how I moved through them.
Key mindset shifts to finally get moving.
The harrowing reality of always being comfortable.
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
Follow me on Tiktok: @jessiemgolden
Subscribe to my Youtube channel
[00:00:00] Welcome back to the Jesse Golden podcast. We are talking about a very important subject today. If you ever want to achieve. Really anything. And my experience, but certainly when it comes to food, Body health. And it's the topic of discomfort and why you need to be moving towards it. And I know we hear this all the time.
Right. It's kind of like a trope. At least I do. Where oh, just befriend discomfort. And there's, it's very helpful for me anyway, to understand the why behind a lot of these things. Because if someone just told me, Hey, Get really uncomfortable. That's just the way it is. I feel like no, I'm not just going to do that just for the sake of it.
I need to know why you're asking me to do that. What is the benefit to me? Because at the end of the day, we as humans do things when there is a benefit or perceived benefit. And sometimes that benefit is the removal of discomfort. And these are all subconscious patterns. Typically. But when it comes to [00:01:00] deliberately seeking out, just comfort. Or hopefully not pain, but sometimes pain, right?
Like in the gym, it can feel. Really uncomfortable. Sometimes painful, not like an I'm injured type of pain, but hopefully you get what I mean when I say that. And so for saying, we're going to deliberately put ourselves in those situations. We need to typically understand why there needs to be a good reason.
Otherwise, our subconscious survival patterning is going to take over and then we're just going to revert back to what we've always done. Which is why everyone stays tock for most of their lives. Right? Because we avoid this conversation. And there's discomfort due to misalignment. Only. There is discomfort due to growth that is aligned. So, what am I, what do I mean by that? Their nervous system is always going to like predictability. It's kind of want to know what's around the corner to make sure there's not a tiger around the corner. Remember, we have. Primitive brains.
Our nervous systems have evolved to keep us safe. That is their primary function. [00:02:00]
We also want to be seeking out comfort, our nervous systems. Do. So what is going to keep us really safe and secure in our safe little bubble so that we know that we are going to survive, carries about survival. And thinking of things through that frame can be extremely helpful so that you understand what's going on underneath your conscious awareness.
And you'll stop being so hard on yourself and you'll stop getting frustrated because we can have some compassion for that part of ourselves and say, oh, this is normal. Not broken. It's not that everyone else just feels easy breezy. And I'm the one who struggles with moving forward when things feel uncomfortable. Uh, everybody does.
It's part of our human wiring. It's just that some people have learned. To accept it and to do it. Anyway, and this is a muscle that you learn to flex. And this is why, because our subconscious. Prefers to stay in what is predictable? What it perceives to be a safe, which is not always the same thing as actually being safe. [00:03:00] People stay in mediocre or even awful situations forever.
Even when those situations are actually unsafe. No, we've heard the story of people staying in abusive situations because that is predictable to the nervous system. That's something that their brain actually knows. They know that pattern. And stepping outside of that can feel really, really terrifying. For that subconscious subconscious part of us. Now you might feel discomfort because of what you're trying to do, or the life that you're living is just out of alignment.
And this is where some that. Ambient anxiety can just be present. Where it's just, you're living a life and pursuing goals that are not actually in alignment with your own values. And this can take practice and often trial and error to identify. Really sitting with those feelings of, oh, this feels familiar.
It feels very similar to what I made X, Y Z decision. And I was doing that for ego or is doing that because my parents told me that I should do that. And it turns out that actually wasn't the right move for me, that, [00:04:00] that gut feeling of discomfort of. Oops, this just feels icky. This is not right for me. Versus discomfort where it is aligned with our personal values, our own goals. And it's aligned with growth. That is the magic that we want. It can feel absolutely scary or confronting because you haven't done it before your brain is like, what the hell is this new situation?
Is it going to kill us? Let's just avoid it. And we have to look at it through that lens. To be gentle. With our nervous system be gentle with that part of ourselves. That's just feels afraid and it's okay. Bring your brain back up to speed and say, no, we're in a safe environment. I know it feels a little bit scary, but this is good.
Scary. And you have to take the driving. You have to take control of the steering wheel, get in the driver's seat. Otherwise that primitive part of you. Of us. So we all have, will forever be calling the shots and then your life is going to pass you by and you're going to stay super small. [00:05:00] You can feel safe.
That primitive part of you is going to feel safe and comfortable until you don't. And that's when people have these huge, Epiphanes where they feel like they need to overhaul their entire lives because they've just played along. With avoiding any feelings of discomfort. And we've all overcome those feelings of discomfort when we've really wanted something. So you can think of this is applicable to most people. I would imagine. Romantic partners when you really have a crush on somebody, when you really like somebody you're willing to sit typically with those feelings of discomfort and just do it anyway. You can talk yourself out of it, but eventually you're going to do the thing and you might be so full of nerves, but you get up and you do it anyway. You ask him out, you ask her out, you go out on the date, whatever it is. Even if you're really nervous, right?
It's like giddy, nervous, excitement. Which are essentially the same sensations in the body. You may have had this experience. I know I have with public speaking. We were like, oh my God, I think I might actually pass out. [00:06:00] Speaking in front of a large group of people. But you do it. And then you realize, ah, that felt so good.
You're high on life afterwards, because even though every part. Of your brain, your body was telling you to run away from this situation. You say, no, you can consciously register. No I'm safe. This is fine. And I'm really motivated to do this thing. Step on the stage, ask the personnel, go on the date, whatever it is.
And so you do it. And you didn't die. So leveraging these past experiences to remember. That it's a very normal to have those sensations and those thoughts of, oh my God. Panic. And watch your brain freak out. And, you know, it's okay. I know it feels really uncomfortable, but I'm going to do it anyway. I might feel really nervous, might feel really scared, but I still do the damn thing. That is what we want to do over and over again, if you want to have a life that is actually in alignment with what you want. Your dreams.
Cause we're here for such a short amount of time and it just pains me to think of, [00:07:00] and I call myself out on this too. Staying small. For the sake. Of just feeling comfortable. When life passes us by to me. That feeling that risk is far, far, far scarier to me. Then feeling uncomfortable, pursuing what I want. And you don't need to hit rock bottom to change. Most people do. And I have been in that pattern myself. I now I'm pretty good at catching myself when I feel like, okay. Really, if I continue with these patterns. In 1, 5, 10 years.
Am I going to be happy with the results? And the answer is a glaring. No. Glaring. No, and that's what motivates me to change before I let five, 10 years pass me by, I sit there and I say, okay, if I don't do anything, I need to accept the desks could be my reality. And eventually that becomes unacceptable. And so I have to sit with the discomfort of going in a new direction.
So [00:08:00] some phases of my life, where I've been really uncomfortable due to growth.
I'm talking about that aligned values, aligned type of growth. When I stopped over reading, it was super uncomfortable. I had been doing the fad dieting, the obsessive dieting for almost a decade. And when I sat with myself and the discomfort of I'm going to put the fork down, even though my pattern has been to clean everything off my plate to feel really full each time I sit down to eat. I'm going to sit with it. And I did and sure enough, my brain got on board a very, very quickly. It was worth every second of discomfort. Getting rid of the dieting rules.
Scary as hell. Not having that as a clutch, a crutch. Excuse me.
It's really scary. This is why most women avoid working on the relationship with food, because yes, it does feel uncomfortable when you get rid of the guard wheels seeming guardrails, right? It's a false sense of security. Thrill sense of security is actually being in connection to teammates with your body. You've so many guardrails built into your own body.
You just [00:09:00] need to listen to them. When I took a step back from intense workouts. And this was back in my young dieting days. I would have to have a hard workout every single day. Otherwise I would feel so angsty and uncomfortable. Minot. I did the workout. I would feel like, okay, finally. And then I had to sit with the discomfort of not doing that. And those feelings that came up of guilt and shame and, oh my gosh, what is this going to mean? No longer in control. And sure enough, just like all the other things, your brain catches up very, very quickly, you realize, oh my God, I'm not going to die.
I'm not going to gain a hundred pounds overnight. I'm fine. When I stopped trying to manage my Hashimoto's. When I was first diagnosed with that. I made the classic mistake of going on the internet and. All of the forums. I was reading people. You would've thought that people. We're writing their obituaries.
I mean, it was just doom and gloom and life is over and yada, yada. And I eventually sat with myself and I said enough, I am not going to [00:10:00] try and control this. I was focusing on food and avoiding gluten and dairy and all these things everyone was saying, and I just said enough. This will not control my life. And my brain wanted to find the answer to control it, to make it all better.
And I just threw my hands up and I said, Nope. I'm not doing this anymore. It's more comfortable. Yes. For me. To sit there and ruminate and try and find the answer to make it all go away. But I'm not going to do that. And I'm going to focus on other things. And every time a thought comes in that says, what about this and how she motos?
I ignore it. It was uncomfortable. Best thing I ever did. I've not had an issue with my Hashimoto's since.
If you notice anything. A theme here that things get better. When I step outside of my fear based patterns that feel really comfortable. Pay attention to that. Because that's what always happens. When I sat at a higher body weight while working on my relationship with food. This made things so much easier.
When you years down the road. In [00:11:00] 2020, I found myself at a higher body weight started in 2018, regained 30 pounds in six months. And I sat at that higher body weight for over a year, almost a year and a half. And plus the chunks of time in between. Where my old patterning for my dieting days would have been, oh, just get this weight off right away. You have to get it off.
You can't show up in the world. You have to hide you're 30 pounds heavier. Nope. Sit at that higher body weight show up fully in your life. And yes, it will feel uncomfortable if you haven't done that before. Again, your brain catches up. It says, oh shit, we're not going to die. Uh, we're, we're fine.
And. You're gonna feel so much more powerful. In that position because, you know, That you are no longer a slave and a victim to the way your body looks. Just like all the other things I've already listed off. Wearing clothes that showed parts of my body. That was uncomfortable with. Like shorts showing cellulite. Showing the rules on my stomach, all of these things showing up.
Yes. It feels uncomfortable in the beginning. [00:12:00] Sure does. But it is so worth it. And your brain realizes. Do it a couple of times. Okay, we're fine. The world does not end. And then. Those thoughts, start to quiet down. And your brain and what was once uncomfortable, becomes comfortable. And you're now living in alignment with your values. Dating again for everybody, either the beginning. With those nerves or the ending.
If, when you have to call something quince, When I knew that things needed to come to their end. Uncomfortable, but need to happen. And I'm sure many of you can relate to that. When I started posting on social media for my job, I was so nervous. Back in 2017, I was like, people are gonna think that I'm crazy.
They're gonna look at me like, what is this girl doing? It was only posting to friends and family. Those are the only followers I had at the time. Which made it feel even more vulnerable. And I just, I remember the day perfectly where I just decided fuck it. I'm going to start posting. And then I was uncomfortable showing up in stories. And then I was uncomfortable showing up on each different platform [00:13:00] and you just do it. And it gets easier so quickly.
Now I can do anything with business show up in any capacity. And I do not give one little shit. It's not making me nervous at all. Any new growth edge in my business brings that level of discomfort of. Oh, my gosh, how's this going to go? What's going to happen. Yada, yada, and I just sit there and now I'm so used to doing these things, putting myself in uncomfortable situations. That I can recognize those feelings of discomfort and just say, thank you. I spoken to you many times feeling sensations, and I know we're going to be okay.
And it's that muscle you flex where eventually you just say it's part of the gig. Let's do it. Let's feel it. Let's have the scary thoughts come in. And then do it anyway. And you survive. And that is such a liberating feeling. That's where a lot of confidence comes from. Sitting with my health issues rather than finding them. That's been again, every time I do this, the health issues. Naturally go away. Just that feeling of [00:14:00] okay. I don't know what is causing this, my digestion, whether it was insomnia.
Eventually I got to the place of just hands off the wheel. It feels more comfortable to try and micromanage it all. I'm going to stop doing that and everything got better from there. Slowing down was really uncomfortable for me. I was addicted to just moving non stop and just being Oop. Very uncomfortable. And this is something that is a pattern that I still have to work on. Each and every time when I noticed the resistance and the urge to keep going, I just say my values aligned with this, and this is the direction I'm going.
And yes, it feels uncomfortable. I can handle feeling uncomfortable because I've done it so many times. And I'm sharing all these with you. And I want you guys to go through and make a list of all the things that you have done. That have made you uncomfortable, but you've done them anyways. Have you have that proof for yourself?
Show that to your brain? That yes, you've done it. You're fully capable of doing. You just may have not realized why it was [00:15:00] happening. What the pattern is, but recognize that it will never go away. And that's half of the grieving and acceptance process. Is, there's never going to be a time where I'm not going to feel uncomfortable if I'm doing something new and I'm growing. And that's the beauty of it, but that's also why most people never do it. So, if you want to have something that is different from the standard. That everybody else has.
This is going to be your superpower.
Some other ones that I'll run through. Getting leaner intentionally, that was super edgy back. When I started sharing about this still in 2021, after helping women work on their relationship with food, I was afraid of being shamed for saying, Hey, this is the new part of my business that I'm adding. Felt edgy felt uncomfortable.
Did it anyway. When I myself got leaner intentionally.
For the same reasons uncomfortable. Did it anyway. Alignment with my values setting boundaries. I used to be the biggest people pleaser. Because I felt like that was my means of survival and connection. That if I wasn't there pleasing [00:16:00] other people that everyone would abandoned me.
And eventually I had to sit with that and say, okay, this feeling of intense fear. Setting boundaries. I can sit with it and it feels like I'm going to throw up right now, but I'm going to do it anyway. And now I have zero problem setting boundaries. My friend, one of my best friends, call me the boundaries queen the other day. It's your problem. If you had told younger me of years ago, that that was going to be the case, I would have laughed in your face. That's a muscle that I have flexed when I got anxiety. In New York city. Started right after I got there for a variety of reasons. But that's something that I've learned to set with.
Eventually I developed. I had never had social anxiety in my life. And it was purely nervous system related where all of a sudden I noticed that I would get really overwhelmed and nervous when I was around. People had never happened to me before in my life. And it was something, again, my pattern is I try and control it.
Like most of us do. Make it go away, make it go away. And the [00:17:00] minister just said, Nope, I'm going to sit with the discomfort of it. And then it went away. After I sat with it. Breathe through it said, okay, whatever the worst case scenario is that if I have a panic attack here, whatever, I can sit with it, deal with it.
And then it went away because I showed my brain and my nervous system that I'm not going to die. That a tiger is not going to eat me. And so it quieted the fuck down. And then it became my norm and that's how this works. Traveling traveling alone. Another one. Just moving in general. I'm sure you guys have so many examples of times where you've done something uncomfortable. And your nervous system has adapted.
You just didn't realize that's what's happening. So knowing that this is the pattern that we all go through, you feel scared. You do the thing. You positively affirm yourself and say, see, we didn't die. It's fine. I'm proud of myself. That was amazing. Then you do it again. Then you do it again. And then way more quickly than you will anticipate. That will be our new norm. And now that's in your zone of comfort.
That is in [00:18:00] your new comfort zone. What was one scary? Is now the norm for you. And then you run center. Repeat. As long as it's in alignment with your values. While giving yourself some wiggle room to. To register that you might get that wrong sometimes.
So in summary, you have to want a big life more than you want to feel comfortable.
You have to want to have a healthy relationship with food more than you want to be in a state of fear-based control.
You want, you need to want to wear and feel confident in whatever you're wearing. And where the shorts and the dead heat of summer, and sort of covering yourself up. More than you want to hide yourself. Because otherwise you're never going to have a good enough reason to sit with this discomfort. And your primitive brain is going to win because if you told me, Hey, you have to be really uncomfortable to do something that's totally against my values or that I just don't care about. I'd be like, no, I'm not doing that. There's no point in me sitting with that discomfort. And there could be that masochist part of me that says, oh, well, let's just do it.
Just to [00:19:00] prove that I can do it. I've done that many times. Not worth it. For me personally.
So really get clear on what you actually want. Make sure it's what you want, not what your family wants, what society wants, what everyone else thinks is cool. Get clear on what you want and then you will be motivated enough to actually move towards that thing and sit with the discomfort that comes with that. Have a vision for yourself. A beautiful relationship with food. The woman who goes and exercises, even when she feels scared, going to the gym, when she feels uncomfortable, it feels like people are gonna stare at her.
She doesn't know how to use the machines, have the vision of the you in six months and allow that to propel you forward through the discomfort. The woman who feels totally liberated with food and ever thinks about it. How that be the vision of your future, of the future you to propel you forward? The woman who actually loses the weight and gets leaner without gaining it back. Which means that you're going to have [00:20:00] to buckle in for a one-year long journey instead of a two month long journey where you just gain it all back because fad dieting is super comfortable for you.
Allow that longterm vision of that woman who keeps the weight off. To be your guiding light, to sit with the discomfort of taking things slow. Of the trial and error of learning, how fat-loss really works. And allow that to move you through that, that discomfort.
The idea of settling and playing small and the real consequences of that need to settle in.
And the best way for me to do this is, like I said earlier. I sit and I get really honest with myself and I play my current patterns out. For five, 10 years. Even a year. And I asked myself if I'm satisfied. Satisfied with that. Will I be happy if that's what my life looks like in that timeframe. And it can be really easy to avoid this. But the only person you're hurting by doing that is you is future you.
You're going to be so past, and I'm sure [00:21:00] you can sit here now and say, I avoided this question five years ago. And I'm in the same position.
Are you going to do that again? You're going to sit in the same place in five years, again, just because you're unwilling to face. That you are the one responsible for your future. And that it's going to be uncomfortable. If that is you, I invite you to consider that you are with 8 billion, however many people on this planet. Other people who experienced the exact same thing.
You're not special.
And I mean that in the sense that you're not alone. We all experienced that same fear. No one is immune to this feeling of discomfort and fear. It is primal. It is baked into us.
And so assuming that just one magical day in the future, you're going to feel comfortable with everything. And that's the time you're going to move towards the dream life that you want.
That day's never coming. And so let that reality sink in that you have to face yourself. And say, fuck, I'm going to have to get uncomfortable if I want the things that I [00:22:00] want. And that's half the battle. And don't shame yourself for feeling uncomfortable, because like I said, that is human. You are human.
That is part of the gig is feeling uncomfortable. You won't get anywhere outside of what you already have. If what you have for the rest of your life is totally fine with you. That's amazing. I love that for you. But for 99.9, 9% of us, that's not the case. We want to have this evolution, this growth, new things are always going to be popping up that we want to pursue an edge closer to. That's a beautiful thing. And you're not immune to the discomfort of growth and feeling insecure, feeling like, oh my God, am I going to die?
If I do this? It's normal. Welcome to the club. And consider your mortality. This might seem depending on your beliefs and how comfortable you are with the idea of death, but we're all going to die. And how much do you want to. Leave on the table. What's that quote, most [00:23:00] men die with the S uh, the song still in them, something to that effect. Where they basically have lived. Uh, life on Lyft.
That's so, so, so tragic to me. I don't want to hopefully be old and look back and say, man, I just played it safe.
I just played it safe because I was afraid of discomfort. Those who win at the game of life in my humble opinion, are those who move towards discomfort and are really kind to themselves along the way, because they know that it's just part of being a human. They don't expect themselves to feel confident and secure and hunky Dory that free pass has never coming, ever. Ever ever, ever just let it leave your brain. You are always going to have to be uncomfortable as you move towards things.
Welcome to the rest of us. Mortals the rest of us peasants. You're just like us. And I've had to reconcile this. The reason I keep hammering that point home is. I think there can be this [00:24:00] expectation depending on the subculture you grew up in, or just the culture at large, where you should just be good at everything. And if you always were a great at everything, when you were a child, then the idea that you have to be uncomfortable in order to get what you want might feel really foreign.
And you might have that little teenager part of you that kind of stamps his beat and says, oh my gosh, no, I don't want that. I shouldn't have to work hard. I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable. It should just come to me. Like it always did when I was younger.
Your ego is playing a lovely little game there.
It's okay. It's normal. Because our ego's always want to avoid discomfort and always want to gear towards safety. That's okay. But just recognize it as a pattern that you picked up from childhood. I was very mediocre at everything growing up, so I was very, very used to having to work hard at things and sucking at things at the beginning. That's just the way my whole life has been. So it doesn't scare me to suck at something.
It scares me too. Just like every other person to risk public humiliation, put myself in the line, like with business. [00:25:00] When I thought that my body would bring that to me. All these different things. So looking at things through that lens of okay. What is my patterning from when I was a child, but also just my monkey brain based on survival and connection. If my brain perceives that this is a threat to connection and me staying in the tribe. Then it's going to feel uncomfortable and my brain is going to come up with all these reasons why you shouldn't do it.
And you just have to recognize that for what it is and say, thank you so much for trying to protect me brain. But I'm going to move forward. Anyway, I'm going to do the thing that is uncomfortable. Again, every human alive experiences, the same fear. Some have just learned to accept it. And to move through it and just let it be there.
Not fight it. Not intellectualize it and try and make it go away. It's just going to be there. And like I said, with the, all the ones that I lifted listed earlier, It wasn't until I stopped trying to fight the discomfort and rationalize it and say, how can I outsmart the discomfort? That my problem went away when I just said, fuck, this just [00:26:00] sucks. I don't have control over it and it's uncomfortable. The problem went away. The fear went away. And I guarantee you, if you let that sink in and just accept that, yes, this is going to suck and it's going to be uncomfortable. A lot of the discomfort will go away right then and there. Hey, so stop taking your monkey brain so seriously. And take small action steps so that it actually gets integrated because if you just send yourself into the most extreme version of what you're afraid of, you might actually overwhelm your nervous system. And it will feel like, oh my God, that, that was actually really scary. And then you're gonna avoid it even more next time.
So small little baby steps to make sure that this is integrated, the, your identity CA catches up. That it's actually embodied. Versus something that is, you're just thinking about. Small baby steps that you repeat. And again, positively from yourself and sit with the feelings of discomfort and welcome them. So that your nervous system registers this new sense of safety. [00:27:00]
Whenever I am doing something that I know feels uncomfortable. I believe this quote is from Pema Chodron. Where she says, breathe and fear. Breathe out love. So son love outward and breathe in more fear. So whatever the, the feeling is, just say, okay, give me more of it. And this. Then shifts the lens from you as a victim, to you as being in the driver's seat, you being powerful. And it demonstrates that you can handle it. That you can absolutely sit with these feelings of discomfort.
So I just say, give me more. If I'm nervous, if I'm uncomfortable. Brie that I'm giving more of it. I can handle it. And then. It goes away, but don't go into it with the expectation that it will go away because it goes away when it goes away. You can't control that. Just breathe and fear, breathe out. Love and no. That as long as what you are chasing and pursuing is in alignment with your values and what you want for yourself.
Not based on ego, not based on what everyone else wants from you. That you will [00:28:00] absolutely get it. If you just learn to sit with discomfort. It is the key to your future that I so badly want for you. Regardless of where you are in your journey, relationship with food, just building healthy habits. That loss, whatever I have resources for you down in the show notes below food, freedom evolution, healthy habits, foundation, sustainably lean academy. Do you want to learn how to build muscle?
Get in the gym. Focus on doing that and learn how it actually works. Muscle mass academy is for you. And if you want to see if you are under eating in any capacity or just learn how your metabolism works, see if you might need to be eating more. To thrive then the maintenance master class for $27 is for you down in the show notes as well. Let me know what you guys think of this episode.
What landed for you over on Instagram? In my DMS. And I will see you in the next episode.