Transforming Unappreciation into Harmony: Practical Strategies for Stepparents

Feeling undervalued as a step-parent? Discover how to transform unappreciation into harmony within your step-family in our latest episode. Join me, Martin, as we explore the significance of feeling acknowledged and how it impacts your relationships with your partner and children. You'll learn practical strategies to identify the roots of unappreciation and address them effectively, fostering a positive family environment that enhances your well-being and mental health. This isn't just about feeling good—it's about creating a supportive and loving household where every member feels valued.

We'll dive into the challenges that come with unappreciation, especially for stepmoms and caregivers who often go unnoticed. Ignoring these feelings can lead to resentment, damaging personal relationships over time. That’s why I’ll share actionable advice on documenting and communicating your need for appreciation in everyday tasks, boosting your self-esteem and emotional health. Drawing from my personal experiences as a stepdad, I offer support and guidance, inviting you to visit my website for more resources and to stay connected with the Step Parent World community. Tune in, and let’s work together to build a more appreciative and harmonious step-family life.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:21

Hi guys, it's Martin, your host on Step Parent World. How is everyone today? I hope everyone is well, pouring with rain here in the UK today, which, for the first week in July, is a bit grim. To be fair, it's been a very up and down couple of months for our weather in the UK. Okay podcast today.

Speaker 1: 0:41

Do you feel appreciated, step parents, do you feel valued? So I'm gonna do I know everyone in the step family comes across this at some point about feeling unappreciated. It could be a biological parent, could be the step kids could be the bio kids could be the grandparents, could be the. But I want to just, um, I just want to do this just sort of step parents today. So feeling appreciated, it kind of helps to grow the bond between people. So when you're feeling I just want to do this just sort of step parents a day, so being appreciated, it kind of helps to grow the bond between people. So when you're feeling good about yourself, the relationship between you and your partner or between you and your children just become stronger, you know. So appreciation is so important and feeling appreciated is really important as well and it makes you feel valued, kind of drives you to do your best. So just improve your, improve your parenting, I think, um, and it also helps your well-being well-being and your mental health. So it can make a difference with how you're feeling about you, which is really important. I've spoken about this so many different times that, um, you know, step parents, you guys have got to look after yourselves and the way you think and feel as well. So, expressing appreciation powerful way to build and strengthen relationships. You know, when we take time to actually acknowledge because it's about us appreciating people around us as well you know you've got to give what you want to receive. I think that's really important as well and thank people for their contributions. It just creates like a sense of connection. Um, you know, to get mutual respect from everyone around you and give the respect back builds for a very strong relationship and a very strong step family. So that's really important, really, really crucial to how you're feeling and how you are making people feel around you.

Speaker 1: 2:23

Okay, right, let's get back to this podcast. Do you feel appreciated? So if I'm trying really hard with a podcast, this, this, this sort of like, last two or three months, to really try and be positive and I know it can be quite a negative thing sometimes being a step family, but I've had great times in my step family with my step kids. It's been fantastic and it isn't all negative. It isn't all doom and gloom. So if you're in a position where you're feeling great about your step family and the bond with your kids and your relationship with your partners is very strong, wonderful, I'm so pleased for you and it is a wonderful place to be and I have been there and it's good, really really good. I have been there and it's good, really really good. If, however, you're not feeling that good about how things are for you and you're feeling a little bit down and you're a bit unappreciated, now is the time to deal with it. My stern voice coming off there, I just know. I know how easy it is to brush stuff under the carpet. I know how easy it is to ignore things and you don't want to do it. You know.

Speaker 1: 3:26

Ask yourself some questions. Ask yourself first, right, first number one question okay, why don't you feel appreciated? Okay, so maybe take a bit of paper at the top, put a bit of paper and put do I feel appreciated as a step-mom or do I feel appreciated as a step-dad? Okay, then below it, write why. Why don't I feel appreciated as a stepdad? Okay, then below it, write why why don't I feel appreciated? And is it by a particular person? Is it by a group of people? Is it by everyone? Hopefully not by everyone, but if it's by a particular person, you've already id'd the problem, the issue that you've got, and it's kind of good to know where your starting position is to rectify this, make it better. Basically, ask yourself as well are you allowing this to happen? Now I remember, not just as a step-parent, but as a parent, if you've got an issue or something that's playing on your mind, it's so much easier just to ignore it and allow it to happen without fronting it.

Speaker 1: 4:26

Don't, don't do that. It's. It's like having an injury or an illness, you know, and you ignore it. You don't go to the doctors I'm worse for it, us guys do it a lot as well and you let it go on and let it go and it gets worse and worse and worse. And what happens? It just, it becomes this huge great thing that eventually it's really hard to deal with. Or if you do deal with it, it's going to be a lot harder, a lot more trying for you. So this is something that needs to be dealt with, guys. So think about what you can do about it. So if you know where the unappreciation is coming from, that's a good step.

Speaker 1: 5:02

Okay, also, ask yourself, maybe write down, what would change for you if you felt more valued. Okay, how would you feel? Would it make you feel happier? Would it make day-to-day life just be a lot easier? Would you then be able to start and build a relationship with this person or persons to make it feel easier for you, to make it feel easier for all your family? If you're feeling unappreciated, I think probably people will pick up on it. So if you change where you're getting the lack of value from, it will have an effect on everyone around you, a positive effect, a good effect as well.

Speaker 1: 5:43

Okay, so how would you feel? How do you get what you deserve? And you know, as step-parents, it's so tough. I I've said it so many times. I think you've got to be a step-parent to find out how hard it is. And I'm not saying biological parents get an easy ride, because they don't, because I've been both. I've been a step-parent and I'm still a biological parent. So I fall on both sides and I know how hard it is for both parents. But it is tough being a step-mum or step-dad Really really tough, okay. So you do deserve to be looked after, you do deserve to be valued, you do deserve to be treated kindly. So please don't think just by being a step parent it's okay for everyone to treat you in a way that maybe other people don't treat you and that's that's not okay. If you're feeling that, okay.

Speaker 1: 6:30

So let's, let's have a little discussion about if we do ignore it, which I was talking about just now. I tell you what will happen if you ignore it. It will become so deeply embedded in you that it will turn into resentment and if it is coming from a particular person, you will resent that person and you possibly might resent other people around you that aren't doing anything about it. And please trust me, me resentment is not nice, it's not a nice place to be and it's not good for you or the people around you. So don't muddle your way through, don't just hope it all sorts itself out, because it won't, and if you allow us to carry on, it will affect your relationship with your partner, it'll affect the relationship with your children. These feelings just don't go away on their own, you know. So something's telling you something, okay. So you need to confront why you feel this way and, more importantly, what can actually be done about it. Okay, we want to make you feel differently and feel better about yourself, and that comes with how other people treat you.

Speaker 1: 7:34

If you don't carry on as you are, things will not improve, and what I want you to try and do is write down what would be a positive effect for you if you felt more appreciated. So things like self-esteem um, we, I I still do it. If I'm really honest with you, I'm not really at the moment in a step family situation, but I still. My self-esteem goes low when I don't feel appreciated by people. You know, when you you do something for someone, you sort of kind of look at them and go well, go on and say thanks or, you know, say it's a brilliant job or, oh, my god, thank you for doing it's really made a difference to me. It gives you such a buzz.

Speaker 1: 8:11

If you don't get that on a regular basis, your self-esteem will drop and it's not good for you. It's not good for your health, not good for your wellbeing and your emotions as well, okay, so potentially causing you to feel bad and creating conflict for you and for the people around you. So ask yourself, why should I feel this way? Have you actually asked yourself that or have you accepted that? I'm just gonna? I'm just gonna go with it. I'll feel unappreciated, I'll just deal with that, okay.

Speaker 1: 8:40

But why should you? Why shouldn't you be appreciated for all that you do? And I'm gonna go a little bit controversial here. It's not a sexist thing, but I know stepmums have a hard time. I know it's tough for you guys. Um, you know, I was a stepdad 20 years. It's tough for me as well. But I know that some of you guys, some of you stepmums, look after the children and you do your school runs and you do their washing, you do their cooking and you know I'm not being stereotypical here, but the guy's out to work and you know this is where a lot of the unappreciation comes from, because you're literally fronting everything you're, you're doing everything. You're the cook, you're the mother figure, you're the washer, you're the cleaner. Why should you be all of that? And if you're happy to be that, you should be getting lots of love and appreciation for it, why should you be feeling that you don't get the thanks for all the stuff that you're doing. That's not okay. That has to stop, guys, because you're doing a fantastic job and you should be. You know you should be told you're doing a fantastic job as well.

Speaker 1: 9:39

Um, so, again with your bit of paper, write down the kind of things, the subjects that you don't feel appreciated for. If it is something like I do the school run, why shouldn't I have a thank you when you get out the car? Why shouldn't you say thanks? Thanks for giving me lift to school, thanks for picking me up from school? You know, if you go in um knock on someone's bedroom door and say, have you got any washing these doing and they give it to you, they should say thank you, I appreciate what you're doing. If you're not getting that, that's not okay. You know, every time you do something for the children, you should get a thank you for it. Okay, your partner should also come in and say actually, you know, I know I've been at work all day, but thanks so much for cooking dinner. Or thank you so much for doing my sons or my daughters washing or helping them with their homework or picking them up from school. It goes a long way.

Speaker 1: 10:24

So start thinking about the small things that you probably do day in, day out, by routine, that you don't get a thank you for. That's where the lack of appreciation comes from. Okay, so now is the time to act. Guys, I can help you. If you're feeling stuck, all right, if you're feeling this way what I've spoken about if it's kind of like giving you a little nudge to think, actually, do you know what? He's right? I'm not going to thank you for this. I'm not going to thank you for that. Now's the time to sort it out.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Okay, it's so nice to have a thank you from someone, especially. I always used to like it, um, when I was a stepdad. When you got a thanks from, um, your stepchildren, it goes a long way. Just a little thank you, it really, and it makes you want to do it again. Whatever you've done, you're happy to do it again. Yeah, it's nice, it's a good feeling, yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:12

So let's make you feel better and ask yourself why you're putting up with it. If you feel that this has been going on a little while, a little while, why, if it's been going on years, why have you allowed it to carry on? It's don't. Don't brush another carpet, don't shut it in the cupboards. If I've, kind of like, made you think a bit more, now is the time to deal with it. All right, now, remember, I'm here to help you, guys. I'm not here to just talk to you about stuff. I'm here to help, and I've done this with my clients recently through my mentoring sessions, and one of the main things I'm finding is, once the client identifies what their actual issue is, then it becomes so much easier to deal with.

Speaker 1: 11:51

So have a think what is causing you this problem? What is causing you to feel this way? And I can help you to get the respect and appreciation that you actually deserve and you deserve it, guys. You deserve it. How would that make feel, how would you feel if you felt better about how people were treating you? How would it feel for you if you feel appreciated and I'm talking about on a daily basis, I'm not talking about once a week, once a month. No, you should feel appreciated every single day. Okay, a little thank you goes a long, long way. I think it doesn't cost anything, but it's priceless.

Speaker 1: 12:27

So, remember, you can message me at wwwstepparentworldcom. You can have a free 30 minute consultation with me just to discuss how we can work together to help you feel better and Make the step. Just message me. You're not going to lose anything. It's not going to cost you any money. It's not going to cost you 30 minutes, maybe even less than that if we can get to the bottom of it a bit quicker, but it does help. Okay, now my next podcast is going to be about I'm going to show you ways, or give you ways to help you feel more appreciated, okay, and more valued. So I'm going to have some suggestions for you all, right, so, um, the best way to make sure you don't miss the podcast is remember, if you go to my website, you can see a subscribe box. Okay, now, this isn't costing you money. I'm not going to try and sell anything to you on there. It's literally so you can get my podcast and my blogs instantly sent to you. So as soon as they come live on my website, they go straight to you. Okay, so you won't miss this next podcast. I'm going to do so. Yeah, you won't miss a new podcast.

Speaker 1: 13:36

So it's time guys start thinking about what I said and try and think about what, what could be better for you. And probably the biggest thing I want to say is which I said to my client last week don't feel that things can't change, don't feel that you're stuck in this awful world. This awful I mean she called it, one of my clients called it. She felt trapped. Oh, it's a terrible place to be. Don't feel trapped. Life's too short to feel like that. And I said to her how would it feel not to be trapped? She goes it would just be like a new life, it would just be a release. That's not a good place to be. Please, please, don't feel like this, guys. Okay, right, I'm going to go and start working on this next podcast for you guys.

Speaker 1: 14:16

So I hope you have a fantastic day. I hope you found this podcast helpful. Please remember that I've been in all these situations, all the podcasts I've done so far. I've been there and I felt it. So I'm not taking this from a book.

Speaker 1: 14:33

I'm taking this from the experience of me being a stepdad, um, so please, please, message me if you need any help, all right, and go to my website, have a look at the new podcasts, the blogs, um, and it'd be great to hear from you if you just want to pop me a comment about any of the podcasts that I've done. That would be fantastic, so it'd help me then to improve anything I need to or talk about something that you might want me to talk about. So if you're going through a particular topic or a struggle, message me and then I'll see if I can help you with that. Have a lovely day, guys. I hope you're getting better than we are here, and keep in touch and remember, go to wwwstepparentworldcom and subscribe Get everything sent to you so much easier. Have a lovely day and I'll speak to you soon. Thanks for listening.