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Changing the Money Narrative: How Family Patterns Shape Financial Destinies with Judy Wilkins-Smith

• Douglas James Cottrell PhD • Season 1 • Episode 91

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Unlock the transformative potential of money with our insightful conversation featuring Judy Wilkins-Smith, a leading authority on family patterns and systemic constellations. We embark on a captivating journey to understand the profound links between genealogy, money, and success. Judy sheds new light on Genealogy 3.0, unraveling how multi-generational events shape our financial destinies and how we can alter these patterns to attain financial liberation.

We delve deep into the psychology of money, unraveling how early interactions and familial attitudes can significantly shape our outlook on wealth and success. Have you ever paused to realize that setting financial goals and prioritizing self-care can pave the way to monetary success? Together with Judy, we discuss the invaluable lessons of wealth and debunk the common misconceptions clouding our perspectives on affluence.

The path to financial success often meanders through the terrains of failure and commitment. Judy shares her wisdom on mastering the mindset of money, asserting the power of positive thoughts, self-belief, clear intention, and commitment. Learn to tune into the signals money sends you and understand how to harness this energy for your financial abundance. Join us for this enlightening exploration into the world of money, and get ready to unlock the doors to financial success.

https://judywilkins-smith.com

Hosted by Douglas James Cottrell.

This episode was produced by Paul Hughes, with co-production by Jack Bialik and audio engineering by Doug M Cottrell.

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Announcer:

Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell, your source for helpful information, advice and tips to live your life in a mindful way in this increasingly chaotic world. For over four decades, Dr Douglas has been teaching people how to develop their intuition and live their lives in a conscious way. His news and views of the world tomorrow, today, are always informative and revealing. To learn more about Dr Douglas, be sure to visit his website, douglasjamescottrellcom, where you can download self-help exercises you can do right in the comfort of your own home. And now here's your host, Dr Douglas James Cottrell.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Hello everybody. This is your host, Douglas James Cottrell. I'm here with my guest and good friend, Judy Wilkins-Smith. Judy is a world-renowned family patterns, systemic work and constellations expert. She's the author, motivational speaker and founder of System Dynamics for Individuals and Organizations. Welcome back to the show, Judy. It's a pleasure to have you again back on our show.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

It is such fun to be with you again.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Tell us what's coming up and all about what's going on in the Disney world.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

So what's coming up is a lot about genealogy. Genealogy 3.0. So genealogy 1.0 everybody understands where they belong, in other words, where in the family tree am I? In genealogy 2.0, I say to people, if you haven't done it, go spitting a bottle and find out where you come from and what were the big events around in your family system all the way back, because those big events are what start to create the patterns that become multi-generational patterns that then, of course, echo all the way down to you and Douglas. Of course you'll have picked this up in the work you do. When we look at something like health, you can see it quite clearly and that pattern keeps echoing it until somebody chooses to change it. So genealogy 3.0, then, is a little bit of what I'm going to be doing at Disney. You bring what you know and then you say to me hey, here's where I'm stuck. I seem to fail here, I can't get past this. And we sit together and we look at the history of of what you're bringing, and then we we identify the parts of the pattern that you're struggling with and then we choose live representatives. And because you're now seeing what you've got in your mind in front of you you're seeing it in 3D, you're hearing it, you're seeing it, you're walking in it. So you're literally moving in a 3D living pattern that you've taken outside and put in front of you, which means you're engaging multiple senses, and that that's what then generates that aha moment, because you start to realize where it came from, what wants to stop, what's trying to start through you as your new purpose, and why the one needed the other. And so you, the brain, starts to rewire, and so does the body, and, as you know, we're quite capable of doing that. So that's, broadly speaking.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

If we then get to November, I'm doing money DNA because, as I said to somebody this morning, we're great spellcasters and spell buyers and we don't realize that. I say, oh, douglas, you're looking really annoyed. And you go, yeah, and you can feel it, you just bought the spell I sold. And we have the same thing with money. We get told oh, you're no good with money, I know, you're a great genius with money, I know. And so we buy those spells. So when they come to me in November, it's what is your money DNA? Where did it come from, how did it begin, what's it doing to you and for you right now, and how do we reframe that so that you create new money DNA and, of course, new emotional DNA?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, I think that's one of the universal secrets, if I can call it that. Maybe a cover-up is a better way of describing it, because there is so much unknown and yet some people seem to make fortunes effortlessly.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I know that's true, but it seems that way, and so it makes perfect sense that if you uncover what's holding you back and then you can give somebody, let's say, a direction or a path, and they follow it, then they must be more successful, because where they are right now they're not satisfied. They're looking for some direction, and if you can give it to them and they take the steps, then I would think they ought to be a Disney world. Listen to you real fast. You know like this makes perfect sense. Everybody says I haven't got enough money, or why is somebody else so rich and I'm not, or whatever. But that's the spell. I guess you, as you're calling, it's a spell.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

It's also the multi-generational trance and the multi-generational pattern. You've heard them in your family say we all struggle. In your family. You've heard them say it's love or money, it's relationships or money, it's ethics or money. That's not true. Money is an and it is not an all. It's also not a commodity. It is a living, breathing force and it interacts with you the way you interact with it that makes perfect sense.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I know if you're not happy where you are, then number one, if you're a thinking person to be wise is to say whatever I've done and it hasn't worked. I need somebody like Judy to tell me what to do. So this idea of money, dna and the idea that your family or the family attitude is sabotaging your own success makes perfect sense. I'm the black sheep of my family and I never believed that you had to work harder to make more money. I came to the idea you had to work smarter to make more money. I had to work. I had an author here to said money does grow on trees. That the lady was in Turkey and it was kind of a play on words, but she had to work very, very hard to to make her fortune. But the idea is that she changed. Everybody comes to that point that you're talking about. There's that aha moment. There's that oh my god. There's that hallelujah. It's like I got it. Where do you start when people like me come and say, judy, help what I do is I say, yay, I.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

When somebody says I'm stuck, I go congratulations. And they go what? And I say, yes, you're telling me you've officially outgrown your small box, you don't want to be there anymore. So what we're going to do is we're going to look at your small box and then we're going to see how you get out of that box. I love what you said about being the black sheep of the family. No, you're not. You're the way. Show it, because guess what's going to happen. They look at you and they go well, god didn't smite him with a piece of two by four. Maybe we should try some of that. So you're just the way. Show you. You stepped.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

People always say, oh, I got kicked out of the family. No, you didn't. You got evicted up, you got to move ahead of the system. But the system will catch up because you've shown what more is possible. And that's the other thing.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

We've been taught that money is a sin. It's not. It's a wise friend, it's a mentor, it's very much wanted. When you have a lot, you can share a lot, you can do a lot. People would say, well, I give away. I give away and I say, well, is your cup full. If your cup is full, give. If your cup is not, concentrate on your own cup first, because when your cup is full, you will give, you will share, you will encourage. But don't give from scarcity, don't live in scarcity and don't think it and people say, well, just changing your mind's not going to do anything. Yes, it does, because if you're born with the idea that money is a sin or you're taught that it's love or money, it doesn't matter what's happening. You can't see it because you have just that narrow lens. In fact, my one of my favorites I don't think I told this on your last one, but stop me, if I did I had a situation where money couldn't have gotten near me if it tried.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Or when I went through a certain period of life and I went to casino and I had to, I had my little thing of coins and I had the other person's jar of coins. And in my family the saying is ethics and honor before anything. You've got to be honorable, you've got to be honest. Then you look around and you see what you could do. So I took three coins and I put them into into those slot and I hit the jackpot. And then I realized, oops, I took it out of the other person's job. I mistake. Now anyone else would have just taken those three coins from that and put not me. I went to it was my mother-in-law and I gave her the jackpot and I said to her I made a mistake, I took them out of yours so I guess it belongs to you. And she took it and everybody said to me oh, she's awful. And I said no, she didn't have problems with money. I did. Money could not hear me if it tried.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Wow, you know the moral question. There is like, okay, you took the money out of my jar, you made this money, you keep it. I'll keep my $3.00, a, b well, I'll split it with you, or C. She said thank you very much, walked away.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

She said thank you very much and walked away. I had a bit of a sore heart but I really realized that I was in a hole with money. I wasn't talking to it, I couldn't be friends with it, I didn't know what to do about it. And then I went for a money walk and on the walk I suddenly remembered that as a little teeny, tiny kid my mom had always planted cannolillies and I'd harvested the seeds. It was great fun for me because I figured the more seeds I had and gave to her, the more cannolillies we could grow. So I had an association with money already, but I'd forgotten and I had to reestablish that and really make a clear connection with it.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You have to know what your feelings are about money.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Exactly your thoughts, your feelings and your behaviors or actions. So we explore those. What are your thoughts, what are your feelings, what are your actions? When did those first start for you? When did you become aware of money? What were you doing at the time in your life? What did it mean for you? What did you make it mean about you? What did you make it mean about others? Because that's become your dominant pattern now.

Douglas James Cottrell:

A man I love very much, a relative, when he would have a windfall of money meaning something he worked very hard at paid off and he'd have a lot of money. He had three or four people working for them. He would give them bonuses and at the end of giving them bonuses he ended up with, of course, not very much money. He was the owner of the company. He should have kept all the money and maybe given somebody a 5% or 10% bonus, but I think the feeling is he wanted everybody to feel good, because everybody was struggling with money, and he wanted them to feel good, but at the sacrifice of him giving away the rewards of his efforts.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Exactly I do not deserve. There's an underlying sentence that says I feel guilty if I hold on to it. I do not deserve to be wealthy, and so of course, money says okay, if you don't, you don't, and it will act that way around you. So with someone like that, I would say to him where does that come from? When did you first start feeling that way? Who else in the family has this pattern? And a question I would ask of him would be so who in your family may have made money off the backs of others that you are now returning?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Good karma point.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Yeah, and we see this. We see this a lot in multi-generation. Like you have somebody who makes the money off the backs of others, you'll see one of two patterns the unhealthy one, which is what you've described, or the healthy one, which says you know what, I'm going to do it differently, I will pay it forward, which is the wiser one. Everybody will get some and I will get some, so nobody is excluded.

Douglas James Cottrell:

This emotional feeling towards money. It's multi-generational. You learn from your observation as a child. People look at people are very wealthy and they admire them and they go and they associate with people very wealthy and I think success rubs off. So they must be having a new association with money at that point.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Exactly. That's exactly what they're doing. So one of the ways that you'll see it is you watch your mother and father struggle and struggle and struggle and you go I am not doing that. I will go and get a good education or I'm going to get a good job, but I am not going to struggle like that. You've already gone, it started the switch and then you go I am going to and you start working towards a goal.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Money loves the goals because it loves to have a place to flow to and in fact, during that November event, I have a very specific gift or piece that people will receive that's going to teach them to give money a goal. You start that switch and then you go I'm going to do this and this. Then you begin to realize there are other people ahead of you who have done very well in their lives, and so you do go and associate with that, because they have a very different mindset, they have very different thoughts and very different feelings and very different behaviors and they will say things to. I've had people say to me you need to learn to be rich and I've gone? What? And they go.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Yes, it is a mindset and it is a way of being, which I've really had to embrace and learn, because we otherwise keep ourselves stuck in the minor leagues and then we think it's everybody else's fault, it's us. So it's learning how to graduate yourself to the major leagues. And guess what? The world really likes it. The big things that have been done in the world have all needed money. No-transcript.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Without. We're going to take a short break.

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Douglas James Cottrell:

So just before the break, we were talking about money and how people need to know how to make money, to be educated, to learn how to be rich. One of the things that a man once said to me was you never get rich giving money away. That was a wake-up call to me, because we want to always help, but I think there's lessons to learn on how to help as well. As you said, fill your cup up, because, again, you can't get rich giving money away if you haven't made it yourself yet. So one of the attitudes about paying back that comes later. You can always help later in your life or when you make it like Warren Buffett. He didn't give money away most of his life or is very stingy, but then he retired and he gave away billions. Exactly that's how to do it.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Exactly so we could say he was stingy. Or we could say this man knew what he was doing, he had a go, he kept accumulating and then he went. Now I can make a difference.

Douglas James Cottrell:

He knew. That's one of the lessons about learning how to be rich is to go and talk to somebody like yourself and find out where are the weaknesses of my character, what don't I know, what do I need to know, and then find out about how people who had great wealth, how they act and you were right when you said they act differently, very differently.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Yes, they do. They don't have the same fears as we do. They've put those down. They won't say that they don't have other fears, but they don't have the same fears. They have a little bit more. Go get it. They've learned that money is not the enemy. That's one of the biggest things. They've also learned that money is a relationship.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

And you said earlier on, it's about looking at the weaknesses in your character. It's more like a gap analysis. So what don't I have that I could really use? What do I have that I could maximize? Where did that come from? In my family? Because if you've got that in your family, it'll keep echoing through until somebody changes it. But they have to give it its place.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

You cannot exclude the pattern. You use the pattern as wisdom. So if everybody was really scared in the family, they were all scared around money. You actually acknowledge the fear that lives in the family and then you bring the opposite, which is security or happiness. But it needed the one to see the other. So it's really about building good, strong money steps and understanding that flow comes from somewhere. Money isn't evil. It's never been evil. It comes from source. It's what we do with it, but it's what we do with anything and what would we like to do with it? And it's climbing out from under the little mushroom that says you should? What? What is that lovely? One Lesson or the poor? Well, yes, we could take that a little too literally. Blessed also are the wealthy. Somebody said to me the other day you know what? I have this beautiful new artifact that I bought. It's expensive and I feel guilty. And I looked at them and I said expensive things need to be loved too.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I found that there is that attitude out there, where people are, you know, they feel undeserving, perhaps, or they have the fear of well, if I get something, somebody's going to take it away from me. And we talked to some time previously where the fear of success is. You know, I have to pay taxes, oh my God, you know somebody's going to take the money away from me, oh my God. And it's like, well, would you rather be rich and happy or poor and happy? You could be either, but what would you rather be? Well, I'd rather be rich.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Many people would say I'd rather be poor, because that's what God said. God didn't say that. I think God sits up there and goes. Who wrote this stuff? Yes, so I gave you a brain, I gave you the capability. What are you doing?

Douglas James Cottrell:

I like to describe it this way, Judy is that when you're thirsty, you can go down to the ocean and take as much water as you like. God provides the water. And when you get there, God doesn't care if you come with a teacup full to get water or a tanker truck, it doesn't matter.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Exactly. In fact, I think God goes yes, somebody with a little bit of chutzpah. We're actually moving people. Speak to this person, they're open, Speak to their brain. We have so much that we're capable of and we've pulled ourselves down into the smaller versions. Why, why?

Douglas James Cottrell:

It makes perfect sense. I'm listening here and I'm going through my mind, of course, what's happened in my life people that I've counseled over the years and I'm listening and I can almost hear the conversations where people have had these difficulties, where they don't know or they have assumptions, and they just make things up and it's like, well, would you make assumptions about the grocery store, that they don't have good food there or there's not enough food for me, or they don't have what I want? No, you would go there and find out and so, listening to you checking off the boxes, so to speak, as I asked you before, when somebody comes in front of you, whether they're rich or poor, they have some blanks or something to be filled in. And I asked you how did you find that out? And you sort of have delineated that and said these are some of the things that happen. But as people in the audience are listening here and they ought to get your book you have some wonderful books that's decoding your emotional blueprint.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

That's the one. Decoding your emotional blueprint is the new one.

Douglas James Cottrell:

What's the newest event? It's in November.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

The newest event is the money DNA one, and that that is the one that really looks at the myths that we have around money and says not so fast. I love what you said about assumptions, because assumptions are dreadful little beasts. They really are. I have had people in fact, I had a client recently who has been on this planet for about the last six decades and based their entire life on one assumption and when we challenged it I said please go and ask this. They came back and said I don't know what to do now because I was completely wrong. I made an assumption that's that I've been unhappy with and I've been small with my whole life, and it was never true. Don't make assumptions.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Yes, and when you have, when you make mistakes. I always say mistakes are stepping stones to success. When you lose money or you've made a mistake, what would you say to people about getting over that guilt or beating themselves up?

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

I would say good, so you're feeling guilty about losing money. Who else in the family lost money and how guilty did they feel? Well, great uncle son, so good You're repeating great uncle son and you're going to feel guilty so that your kids can feel guilty. Or what can you learn from this that you can turn around and make even more with, Because the choice is yours you can steer in the guilt or you can turn it around and make something remarkable. I mean, if you look at many successful people, what they did was they failed up over and over. They kept failing up. They failed, they learned, they got up. They failed, they learned, they got up. And eventually and money knows this and success knows this If you're committed, you will get there, you will get there. But what happens is people go. Well, I tried that once. Okay, good luck. How was that for you? Because that's not how it works.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I've heard that so many times. I tried that once. It never worked. So try it again, you learn. No, I don't want to do that.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

No, you've got to commit to it. If you don't commit to a way of life, you know what Life is going to have its way with you.

Douglas James Cottrell:

This is so true. You're very wise, Judy, and you know what you're. When they're listening to it, I can see them nodding their heads. Of course, of course, of course. But get up off the couch right, Put it to work.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Get up off the couch, put it to work, start doing things like giving money goals and really concentrating on that I mean November and figure out what you're going to do. That's going to start showing you how to give those goals, because, yes, we do it in 3D so you can see it, hear it, feel it. For someone like you, it would probably you'd go crazy because you'd be multi-sensorializationing all over the place. You'd be picking it up from everywhere. But the lovely thing about money is it really does talk to you and it works with you. And I know on the odd occasion and I've said well, never mind the money, I can, I can just about hear the visible pop. On the other end of that, the money goes oh really, never mind me, fine, I'll just come back when you're good and ready, and I go uh-oh, reorienting, reorienting, rerouting, stop.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Again, money has no emotional attachment at all. It goes where it goes. You have to learn how to grab it and break it into yourself. You have to hang on really tight to it, otherwise, because it's energy, it just goes back. And so these are major lessons that you only learn by experience or by going to see Judy in November and finding out all about these amazing things. Listen, it's kind of like it's great to see you, it's good to listen to you, it's good to have this event, but really this is, in my opinion, an investment in the person's own success.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Couldn't stated better it is. And people don't invest in themselves. They think that's cliche. It is not cliche. Until you do invest in yourself as the most important being in your world, you're going nowhere.

Douglas James Cottrell:

That's true. You need a mentor, you need a way shower, you need some instruction, you need some trial and error, you need belief in yourself.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

And total commitment.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Total commitment. That's right. That's one of the things. Let's talk about that, because this is a thing that people don't understand. Commitment is laser focused. It's step by step, and how would you describe the commitment that people need?

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

So I'm going to tell you first that people understand commitment. They just don't know that they understand it. Let me explain. I look at something. I go oh you're so stupid, how could you do that? You knew that was an idiotic thing to do. You're such an idiot. I'm totally committed to that and I know how to do that one. It's called trash talking commitment and we all know how to do that. We keep beating ourselves and telling ourselves how bad we are. We don't watch horror movies, but we do tell horror stories about ourselves and believe them all day long. So we're pretty committed. What we haven't been taught to commit to is I can do this. I can figure it out. I'm going to do X, yeah, but but, but, but, but, but, but no, no, I'm still doing X, and we're able to do that.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

If you decide you're going on vacation, it doesn't matter if anybody tells you you're not, you're going on vacation. Money is absolutely no different. The only difference is we've been taught that money is tricky. It's not. You've got to have a clear mind. You've got to have a clear intention and you don't deviate. And if you do deviate, get up, start again. You're at a new starting point.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Keep going, but that commitment to doing that rather than buying cigarettes, a magazine. If you give yourself solid goals and they excite you because they must excite you, if they excite you enough, they'll pull you past all of your excuses for sitting on the couch and you'll go all the way to your goal and before you know it you'll actually be sitting going. I did that. And then you get this kind of funny little tickle that hovers somewhere between the throat and solar plexus and you go I really did that and the brain starts to light up and now you're building the winner effect. And if you do it once, you'll do it again and again. And suddenly that becomes a way. Then you start to say well, my thinking is different. I'm not thinking about oh, I can't get that bunch of bananas at the store because that's 34 cents. You're going. Thank you, beautiful bananas, I've got the money. Here we go and the thinking starts to change, and then that keeps growing. We are evolving human beings, and that includes with money. Money is a means of evolution.

Douglas James Cottrell:

That poverty thinking that you're talking about well, I can't afford the bananas, or well, I'll need the money for the pay, the bills, and I'll buy my soup lunch later, that's. That's comes from guilt. I don't know where it originates, but it probably goes back to a relative in the family of oh, we have to save for the rainy day, we have to. Oh, my God, we're not going to have enough.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

That's it, or the Great Depression. You have an event that sparks that. So take the Great Depression and you'll have had two sets of people one who said hold on to everything because we don't know what we've got tomorrow, and the others who would have looked and said there's opportunity here, what can we do? And that's what's going to make and break in the pandemic. Same thing I saw lots of people get wiped out. I saw other people go. You know what? I looked at that and I thought this is the time for me to make the change.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Yeah, a wise man a long time ago said I was a young man and where I have asked him, he was successful, reasonably so. And I said so how do you get rich? And he said, douglas, there's money all over the ground. All you have to learn is how to bend over and pick it up.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

That's it. That's it. And learn the energy of money. Because people go, money doesn't have an energy, it does. I'm as grateful when I pick up a penny in the parking lot as I am when I get a check. I'm so excited because I know that money is playing with me. Somebody takes me out to dinner and I go thank you and then I go thanks, because money is playing with me. I go to be able to give a gift and money and I went and did something together, so I'm very aware that money will play with me.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, that's a that's a wonderful way to do it. I was in New York City talking to a lady who's a Fifth Avenue successful person and she says money just comes to me all the time. And she was very wealthy and her family and I was, of course, should have been your New York business woman. And we're walking across the street from the restaurant going back to her office and there on the on the road were bright, shiny, shiny pennies about 100 of them. How they got there, I don't know what. They were brand new pennies. She was in high heels and a very tight business skirt or suit. She almost kneeled down and picked them all up. I have helped. I, of course, helped. Nobody else would have been beneath me, walking by.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

I mean I'm like that lady, I will pick that penny up and I'm so excited it made my day.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, we were just talking about that before head and she said you see, what I mean was making her day, but here's icing on the cake. We took a little few more steps on the sidewalk and there was $20 on the on the sidewalk. She bent over and picked that up and she says you see, douglas, the angels are taking care of me. I never forgot that and I do this. I see a penny or 10 cents walking through an airport Pick it up.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I believe that's a message from the divide, you know, so I'm glad to do it.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

It really is. And I said I'll tell you a story that I don't always tell. I went for a money walk. After I'd hit the wall with money, I went outside and I went OK, god, I need to talk to money and I'm waiting to get smacked on the back of the head and nothing happened. So I go OK. So I start talking and pretty soon I'm remembering as a kid how I did do well with money and then how things got sticky when I started to listen to other things and we were, we'd moved here and it was really tight and I said to money, I'd like to be friends again. I'd really like to be friends. I started talking and on the way back I picked up a $1, $5, $10, $20, $50 and 100.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I've never heard anybody say money, I want to be your friend, and then for that to come to you like that money must come for years.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

It has is an. I made it after that. I made a very clear promise that I would teach people about it, because everybody had not such or not everybody, many people had not good ideas about money. And money is a wonderful mentor, it is a wise friend, it is a good lesson giver, it's a great companion and it is it's a great gift giver.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, I'm listening to and I'm agreeing. You know you ask, ask and you shall receive. You know you have to go and knock on doors and seek and make that prayer come true. But talking to money, does that not take away all the fear? You know all your family saying you can't have, you don't deserve it. Who do you think you are? You know all the things that your siblings might become jealous of if you're successful your friends, which does happen, unfortunately, when people successful. But as you learn these things, Money is your friend. And then what are you expecting? Friendly money coming to you all the time.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Exactly, I notice if I go with money it it'll break. But the minute I breathe out with it, there we go and then you can very much feel it. You can feel money around and people will go how you think about when you've been given a bonus, think about when you have a check. You can feel it.

Douglas James Cottrell:

When you do that, that puts in play all those law, manifestation, law of attraction, being a magnet for money, things all those cliches we've heard all over. But I think you've hit the nail on the head and I think you're going to educate people when you're decoding your emotional blueprint in your book, but also how this money DNA works. I mean, I've learned from you in the interview we did last time and this time that I have some Apprehensions about money, or I may have some concerns with money that you know, you don't, you don't think about, but they're there and then when somebody goes and attend your, your event at Disney World in November, it's going to be a wake-up call, I think, and I encourage everybody listening to this interview to Go to your website and find out how they can buy tickets and how can they do that, by the way, judy, they, if they go to Judy Wilkins, hyphen, smithcom, the event is listed there and all they've got to do is register and Be at the event.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

And I think the other thing, when I listen to you saying I have concerns about money, what you have is you have an adventure in waiting. It's not a concern, it's only. It's something that's going hey, hey and it's trying to get your attention. Once you give it your attention and you look at it, you then begin to figure out. So what do I want this to look like? Not, oh, my goodness, what do I want this to look like? What do I need to do for this to look this way? How do I need to feel and, by the way, if you use elevated emotions with money, it works really well how do I need to feel? And and what do I need to complete? What goal do I need to give money? So that I don't have any apprehensions around it. We're good, we're good, we're secure, we're happy. And then what do I want to do? Because I will tell you that the next adventure After security is how do I share, how do I teach, what do we do together? It's a grand adventure and it's a big adventure.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, I agree with that. And learning how to, learning how to go the distance, as you just put out there, step by step Again back to Warren Buffett is like keep all your money working, it's yours, and then at that point, when you want to give back to the world, you'll have plenty of Extra to give back. But not to be concerned now. Not to be concerned what people are going to say oh look.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

People are going to say. What people are going to say. I got that one a long time ago. All of the greats, all of the great prophets, are great prophets with lots of Criticism, and if they couldn't get it right to have everybody like them? I'm not wasting the time either. I'm not. I will teach people what it is that they need to do, because there are very clear money steps for each person, and I'm happy to teach them to do that and take it to the max. Warren Buffett has another thing. He has money working its own thing at this point, because that money is now making money, is now making money, is now making money. So of course, he's not going to pull it out. He can pull out pieces, but you don't want to break the engine that's working so beautifully. You want that to keep reaching people, which is what he's doing. It's what Bill Gates does too. They've learned. Get money to where money can be joyful in your presence and then keep flowing, because there's a lot of adventure you can create with that.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I, when I was a kid actually, I had a penny jar and I found as long as I kept putting punny pennies in it, it seemed to grow. It's what. I took the pennies out and and Did something you know by chocolate bars did. It didn't happen, but as long as I was, you know, feeding the jar, I Even as a child I'm talking under 10. I was amazed at how money seemed to be. Absolutely. That was amazing.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

So it grows and then you've got to put it in a place where it can grow and you can keep flowing into it so it can grow bigger and bigger and then you can you can use what it is that you want. I've always said one day I want a great big wine vat and then I want to put all the money that I find Into that wine vat. I'll tell you the other thing that I I do now is I write down. I have a journal and I don't typically use journals, but I actually have a journal and I have an envelope in the journal. Every day I write down not gratitude, I write down what went right and Then in my envelope anytime I get unexpected money, it goes in there. I don't touch it at the end of the year I want to see how much unexpected money money brought me.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, I like you will be. Yes, I, I've been visiting this wine vat which is gigantic, and I was going to say he didn't say piggy bank, you said wine that Think big.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Yes, that is the other thing that we do with money is we don't think big. You've got to learn to think big, even if that takes you steps. You've got to learn to think beyond your current limitations, which means saving it, growing it, investing it, reinvesting it, being wise with it. So you've got to be a wise steward of money. Money likes that, and With that you've also not got to just save it, you've got to put it in different spaces. My dad taught me that when I was a little kid said here are five envelopes this in this, this in this, this in this, this in this and you never borrow from this one for this one. So when it comes to vacations or when it comes to whatever it is, I go to that envelope and it comes out of only that envelope and I'm always really pleasantly surprised at the amount that's in there. I'm like this is awesome. I just keep putting it in. Then, when I need to, I use it, and the trick for many people is oh no, well, I don't want to use it now. Ah, ah, ah, you put it into there for use for that.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

A vacation is not a silly thing. A vacation means you're going to go and get some experience and find new ways for money to flow. So don't short yourself when you have a wish either. It's a reward to yourself, money, money is also a reward to self. It teaches you to be disciplined, to have direction, to have goals, to build a winner effect, to be kind, to be generous. It teaches you so much. Money is not just a coin.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Money is not static. Money goes, goes, and if you don't know how to hang on to it, it will leave you really fast. So Learn how to hang on to it too. But of course that goes with the same thinking. If if you're learning how to Attract money and get money for all the various purposes, I'm going to do this. I'm going to start talking to my bank account. I'll start talking to my Investment account. Up here we have a tax-free savings account. We love money in there.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I'm going to say, okay, I want you to grow, that's it. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna take that advice and I learned that from you today. I mean I pray and, but I'm always like someday the money will come, or I know this is part of the DNA, someday the money will come and or or you know, like out of the ether. I mean okay, and it does come, sometimes a surprise, but talking to it, I guess what hasten its arrival?

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

It would someday, it can be someday forever.

Douglas James Cottrell:

True.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

It's really okay to say, okay, money, come on in, come on in, let's talk. There's a lot that I want to do. Here's what I want to accomplish. Here's where we could start. Let's have a look at what we're doing together. I.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Okay, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more of this amazing woman who is going to make you rich by getting you to talk to money. We're talking to Judy Wilkinsmith, world renowned family patterns, systemic work and constellation expert, author, motivational speaker, founder of System Dynamics for Individuals and Organization, and my newest best friend. We're right back after this.

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Douglas James Cottrell:

And welcome back everyone. I'm talking to Judy Wilkins-Smith about money, dna and how you, my friends, should take the trip in November that would be November, I believe it's the 5th to the 8th at the World Facility and take in this, I guess I could say this life-changing event. I'm sure when people come out of there they're going to be like oh my God, I didn't realize that. Now I know what to do. So tell us a little bit more as we wind up, to show a little bit about what people can expect when they get there, other than life-changing, amazing things.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Actually a whole lot of it. I did it at Disney World because it's a bit of a stretch to go to Disney World and I did it at the Beach Club for the same reason. But there's a whole lot of magic and if you're going to start with a whole lot of magic, you want to start somewhere like Disney World with someone like Walt and Roy, because there was a Roy. If there wasn't a Roy, we wouldn't have had Disney World, because Walt didn't have a clue about money, he just had a clue about making magic. Roy was the one who knew what to do with the money, to keep it kind of humming and moving. And so what we do is we work hard during the day from about nine until four. Then you get about half an hour and then you get to go play in the parks and really look at what you've learned during the day and how you see it in action. At Disney World, who has made a fortune because of happiness and because of magic, so you could see money, happiness and magic all belong.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Now, when you're with me, what you will experience is everybody gets a chance to do a piece of work, whether it's in group or individually. I do some of the individual and I have facilitators with me and so everybody gets a chance to look at their piece and you're going to see that money is going to pop up for you in the most unexpected ways and in the most unexpected places. And you're going to look at your history with money and your future with money and logically and doably see how to get from where you are to where it is you want to be. And then, as I say to people, if you commit and if you put it into practice I have a number of people who have attended my money DNA before who are now saying my commitment got me seven figures. So some people absolutely commit and get it right, but whatever happens, you will change your money outlook.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You know, I can't see why not. That would be a foregone conclusion. Even if they got 10% of what you have to say, their life is going to get better, 100%. I mean some of the things that are. People are nodding their head, and we also have heard that before, but what you're going to do is isolate that point or points that people can actually achieve what they want to achieve.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Absolutely. I think. The other piece for them to know, though, is it's not just me talking. They're going to be interacting and doing, and people who look for those aha moments where everything changes, those aha moments are right there. We have a lot of those that happen for a lot of people. Most people will walk away with it at the minimum, quite an aha. So many people will walk away with a switch, a flip switch.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And a lot of confirmation what they were thinking. Anyway, you've laid it out. Okay, it makes sense and I was always going to add to that. When they get to those points, can they come back and see you again, or do you offer counseling for counseling for them? You know, carrying, carrying beyond that moment, that date.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

People who want to see me can get a hold of me via the website, and they do. What I've found that's interesting, though, is the way that I teach people become more of the captains of their own ship, so they need less of me around, because they suddenly realize they are the adventure, not me. But yes, I'm always available if people want to follow up, they want to come and talk to me about it, if they want to talk to me before it. I've just finished teaching a money course for the publishing company that I'm with as well, and people are well aware that money is not just money. It is a whole adventure. It is an adventure.

Douglas James Cottrell:

It's been a pleasure having you here. Judy Wilkins Smith, renowned family patterns systemic worker and constellations expert, author, motivational speaker, motivated us today and founder of system dynamics for individuals and organizations. Thank you, judy, for being here today.

Judy Wilkins-Smith:

Such a pleasure.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I've really enjoyed it. I really have. Until next time, remember, the journey doesn't stop here. It's just the beginning. We wish you well Until next time. May I wish you peace and prosperity. By the way, on behalf of Judy and I, we want to wish you a little magic for today. That's Judy's magic words. Take care, my friends. Bye for now.

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