Episode 33 | My Deeper Why | The Unstoppable Mind Podcast with Mary Lou Rodriguez

In today's podcast episode, I will tell you my deeper why. 

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Transcript

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Hello unstoppables of the world. In this podcast episode, I'm going to share a personal story. And for those of you out there in the world, who feel like who, or who are afraid to share some of their, their stuff, their their stories, their experiences from the past, I'm going to share vulnerably. So I want to invite you to check out this Podcast Episode Hello, unstoppables you're listening to the unstoppable mind podcast. I'm your host, really, Roger. Yes. And today, I want to just talk about something personal. So, normally, when I'm doing these podcast episodes, I am doing these podcasts episodes to teach to teach about neuroscience to teach about our brain to teach about subconscious reprogramming and hypnosis, to teach about what is possible for people when they truly want to change their lives. And I know that sometimes I go into personal stories a little bit here and there. And, but I don't really share the full on experience of some of the some of the stories from my past, I guess, is the best way to say it. So I want to share something vulnerable, vulnerable, Lee, I'm going to be vulnerable today. Part of being vulnerable. And part of being my authentic self is being imperfect, which means that I don't edit these podcasts, I hope you know that. Like I don't go back and say a word differently. If I set it incorrectly, I just don't do that I want to show up as as my authentic self. And I do show up as my authentic self. And part of showing up as my authentic self is being able to share my story. And as I said, I share it in bits and pieces here and there. Normally, I have talking points that are in front of me because I don't want to waste your time, you're listening to my podcast episode. And I want to get straight to the point I want it to be as clear and concise as can be. I know sometimes I don't always do that. But that's the truth. And, and today, I have no bullet points, no talking points in front of me. I'm just going to share from my heart on this episode i i had the experience. So I'm a part of a Facebook community where I can have been a part of it for two and a half years for the most part. And I can definitely go into this community and share about some of my stories from the past where I can just I can share I know that I'm not going to be judged. And I realized that I was using that as a safe space in place. And that I wasn't really sharing outside of that space. Except for you know, bits and pieces here and there. And I am teaching Hypno Thrive this week was we had our we taught or we were in class Monday through Friday. So I taught for Monday through Friday. And we still have three more days. But I will say that this has probably been one of the most incredible experiences that I've had teaching. And for many reasons like internally, I'm structuring my day my program differently. And I could tell that when I was creating this program like the energy was, I guess the best way to describe it would be like Sisley slain like I could feel the electrical energy inside of me as I was creating it because I realized that this is something that's so much bigger than me. And, and going back to Hypno thrive. It was an incredible experience. I'm so like, these hypnotists are such bad asses. And I realize I'm a hard teacher. I really am. I'm a loving, kind, compassionate person. I'm a supportive person. And I'm also a fucking hard teacher. And that's because I want these hypnotists to graduate from my program, knowing that they have the ability, the skills and the confidence to change people's lives. And so I'm having them in class do some hard things. And I'm so proud of them. I'm so proud of them, because they will be able to create long lasting transformation in people's lives. And on Friday, we had a guest speaker, her name is Katie, soy, I'm gonna put her link in the show notes. Because Katie is amazing. And she talked about the power of story. And she talked about how to tell a story from the place of empowerment. And it was incredible. I just was fan, fucking tastic. And one of, and when Katie left, I realized, once she was done speaking, I realized that I have been not sharing my story, all of it. Now, I don't have to share it all every single time. But I just don't go into the drinking part of my life. Because the drinking part of my life was a very hard time for me. And there's, you know, it's just not fun to talk about. But I realized when Katie was done with her presentation, that there are people that need to hear this. And so thank you, Katie, for inspiring me, Katie, soy, you badass you. So I'm gonna talk a little bit about my drinking. Because I want you to know that no matter where you are on your path, it doesn't have to be with addiction to substance or to alcohol, it could be addiction to negativity, it could be an addiction to negative thoughts. It could be an addiction to anxiety. If you listen to my podcast episode, why am I stuck? I talk about how we can become addicted to these emotions without even realizing it. But the way that you feel is stuck. Now, if you're a person like me, who who drank alcoholic Li and couldn't stop, you better believe I felt stuck. So I just want to share that. Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to attend my nephew Issa. Yes. You say yes. caston Yetta. If you listen, I don't think you do. But just in case, his college graduation at OSU, Oregon State University. And for most people getting a college invitation is not a big fucking deal. It's just, it's a great, it's a wonderful thing. But for me, it was a big effing deal. And I want to share with you that my nephew. So from the time that he was born until about he was 11 years old, we had this really incredible relationship. I love that kid. And that kid loved me. And I was his aunt. And we just, I wanted to spend as much time as I possibly could with him. I don't remember exactly the age. But I will say that at some during his teenage years, and maybe even before that, my drinking had gotten out of control. Now. I am the type of person that can spin out of control for like a year or two. And then I was able to get my drinking under control, and then I spin out of control and then I could get it under control. And so there were times in my life where it was out of control. So there's about probably 10 years of the time of my life where it was out of control. And then I could control it out of control and I could control it. So now when I talk about it, I'm like I can't really remember when I was in control or out of control, but I will say that I moved from the Bay Area back to Portland to be near my family, my ex husband and I decided to end our marriage. And so I was living I had met him in the Bay Area and I lived in the bay area for a long time. So when I moved back to Portland, I wanted to start over but I was really in my addiction still. And I was hoping that a new place would be a fresh start. That's a really great idea. But wherever you go there you are. In so when I moved back to home, and my parents my mom actually lived in Cornelius. I ended up like selling so I was so in my addiction at that time that I couldn't work. Like I so I basically sold off a lot of the stuff that I had brought back from California with me. I would hold garage sales almost every weekend to try to earn money so that I could drink. What I couldn't sell at the garage sales I tried to sell it like the the pawn shop was my first time ever been in a pawn shop, I pawned my wedding ring. And I went and bought, like, I don't know how many cases of beer and the thing about and I wasn't living at my mom's home. So I was like drinking around the clock pretty much. And the thing about my drinking was that I, I never would put the beer in the fridge like it didn't, it wasn't I wasn't drinking at that point to, to drink I was just to have fun. You know, I was for leisure, I was drinking because my body was physically addicted to it. So the beer didn't matter to me if it was warm or cold, so I would just put it underneath my bed. And then in the middle of the night, when I would wake up and start to go into withdrawals from from not drinking alcohol, I would just pull out that case of beer from underneath my bed and I would drink a beer. I couldn't always see it all the time, because I hated myself so much that I was so disgusted by the fact that I had a case of just beer on my, you know, dresser, so I've moved it to underneath my bed so that I wasn't constantly reminded of what a piece of shit I thought I was and what a loser I had become. And those used to be my true thoughts. So I share this with you. Because on one of these experiences, I remember reaching out to my nephew, because I knew that he had a jar of change in his room. And I was in desperation at that point. And so I went into my nephew's bedroom, and he was there. And I sat on his bed. And you know, we were starting to it was starting to be a little bit rocky, because he didn't know what to expect from his aunt. And, but I really didn't care at that point. Like, it didn't matter to me what people thought of me anymore. Like it just didn't matter. Because that's because I was the loser I was a piece of shit. So then that's really what I thought about myself. And when I sat on my nephew's bed and had a conversation with him. I asked him if I could borrow the money that was in his jar. And the way that he looked at me and he told me no. And that moment, like, I knew that I knew that he didn't trust me anymore. And that moment was real for a very long time. We he no longer spoke to me. He no longer had really any conversations with me, I'd see him in groups, and he was completely disconnected from me. And though those are the consequences. And so I you know, and that was just one of many consequences that had happened in my life. But that one really impacted me my relationship with my nephew hurt for a very long time. And I've had to so I've had a, I was able to get sober for two and a half years that was during the time right before my mom went into a coma. And then after my mom passed away, after she left her physical body, her soul is still around, but I ended up relapsing. And so this is this my, this is the second opportunity and of being sober. And it's been very, very, very different story for me. So my first year of so this was about a year, two and a half years ago, because I've I am a woman who chooses a sober life today. My life is completely different, by the way, as you know from listening to my podcast episodes, but for the first year of sobriety, I he still was very, my nephew was still very it was very hesitant to speak to me like he just didn't. He didn't trust me. And he didn't want to be around me even though I was sober. He was polite. But he his energy was just still like very, very tentative. And my nephew had a I'm not going to share exactly, you know, his, what he went through but he had an experience where he was having some trouble with some stress and Um, my sister had taken him to the doctor and to the, you know, psychotherapist and to counselor and to a medical doctor and nothing was working for him. And so she reached out to me. And once you reach out to me, I was like, Of course I can help them. Yeah, no problem. So it was able to resolve. So I met with my nephew, and I was a little scared. I was just like, oh my gosh, I mean, this is the kid who hasn't really talked to me in the last 12 years. I mean, I could piece together the conversations that we've had. And, and I kept, you know, my personal feelings out of it, of course, when I met with him, and we were able to resolve his issue in three sessions and get him back on track. And I knew that he was very, very grateful. Like, I knew that he was grateful for the work that we did together. And, and I knew that he was, he respected me, I could tell that he respected me, but I knew that he was, he wasn't completely open arms. And so when I received his invitation in the mail, to attend his graduation, it was a big effing deal. Because I knew that he trusted me again. So I'm sharing this story with you. Because, well, first of all, what a big deal it was, for me, like when I attended his graduation last weekend, I was so emotional, so emotional, because if it was like, not emotional in a bad way, it was, it was like, I felt so grateful. It was so full of gratitude, so full of gratitude that I've chosen a different way of living my life. So full of gratitude that I had the opportunity to see him graduate from college, and then I have the opportunity to be in his life again. I was just, it was such a special day for me. It was a day that truly moved me. And it was a day that like I was so incredibly proud of myself, was proud of Mary Lou, for what I have been able to accomplish. I want you to know, my deeper why, like, why am I doing all of this? Why am I creating an unstoppable movement? Why do I have this podcast? Why do I have a membership? Why do I serve in the way that I do? Why do I teach others to be badass as in the way that I am? Why do I do this? I want you to know that no matter what your circumstances are, no matter what your trauma is, no matter what your story is, no matter what your addictions are, no matter how many bad relationships you've been in, no matter what you believe about yourself. If you really want to change your life you can absolutely fucking do it. And I am a living example of that. So my deeper Why is to give everyone in this world hope because of someone like me, and I haven't told you everything I've just told you one story. I've shared some things more about I've shared other things about my past, but there was a reason why I was drinking alcohol. There's a reason why I tuned out but that's a story for another day. Today really is about no matter what you've encountered in your life. You can heal and you can live your best fucking life. So today is about hope. Today is about love. Today is about self forgiveness and self compassion. So I wanted to share this story with you. And as I always say, until the next time live your unstoppable life I would love if you shared today's episode with your friends and loved ones. Please share it on your social and media channels, and make sure to subscribe to the podcast. I believe that we are all here to help others. Together, we can help more people. I would be so grateful for a five star review. And I'm also grateful that you took the time to let me know how this podcast is helping you. If you want more transformational content, connect with me on Instagram at Mary Lou hypnotizes you and then go over and join my Facebook group, the unstoppable mind. Visit Mary Lou rodriguez.com For more information on my programs, and how to work with me until the next time, go out there and live your unstoppable life