Appearance Matters - Showing Up In The Right Way For Work

In this episode of Relationships at Work, Russel chats with personal branding image consultant Shelley Golden on the importance of appearance and how to show up in the right way for work.

Shelley shares her experience and insight in the...

• Importance of appearance on perception.
• Standards of professional attire.
• Detailed appearance reflects work ethic.
• Comfort can still work with professionalism.
• Five-step process to improve our virtual presence.

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Transcript

Russel Lolacher: And on the show today, we have Shelley Golden and here is why she is awesome!. She's an international speaker and personal branding image consultant, a color consultant and Zoom makeover specialist through her consultancy, Shelley Golden Style. She's been an international image consultant for more than 25 years, and she's here to tell us how to show up properly. Hello, Shelley.

Shelley Golden: Hey, how are you doing, Russel?

Russel Lolacher: Super good. Now, I'm super self conscious about what I'm wearing and the everything behind me in the video that we're recording right now So thank you for attacking my self esteem and we haven't even started talking yet. This will be fun.

Shelley Golden: I haven't said a word. I don't know why you would think I'd be attacking you. Let's just leave it there. Actually, you look good. The background looks good. So we're good to go.

Russel Lolacher: Shelley this says so much more about me than it does about you, but let's get into the first question I have a show. Which is what's your best or worst, employee experience?

Shelley Golden: So as a solopreneur it's been a long time since I actually worked for somebody and I generally just hire assistance to help me out. But I just remember, I don't know, having horrible time, having to work at times I didn't want to work having to work on weekends, having to work when my friends were getting together.

I'm originally from Chicago, so summer days are always very precious and valued. And when people were saying, Hey, we're going for a picnic or we're going to the jazz fest. And I had to work. That was really no fun. So that is something that I absolutely have tried to avoid at all costs.

Russel Lolacher: So your worst employee experience was that you weren't at a young age wanting to work for anybody else but really wanted to have your own schedule and work, your own work life balance, how you wanted to work.

Shelley Golden: Right. It really really. goes back to work life balance. That's exactly it. That really doesn't, wasn't working for me, especially for young people today who their social circle is so important, whether it's their social circle on a little something that they hold in their hand, or it's getting together.

But being social is so important that when you are stuck at work, It takes away from your freedom, from that lifestyle. Especially the younger people today, it's all about work life balance. And knowing that you aren't going to be stuck somewhere, I think makes a big psychological difference. Especially being free to maybe have another side gig going on on the side.

Russel Lolacher: It's, and I don't want to belabor this too much, but just it's interesting because usually when I ask that question, it's usually a horrible boss or this amazing mentor they had 20-25 years ago. But what I find interesting in your story is that you understood your boundaries at a young age, and most young employees at that time would probably just continue in the corporate world, business world, and just either conform or just still have a problem with, 'but I don't want to', but you know, that sort of thing. As opposed to 'this doesn't work for me. So I'm going to start my own business. So I'm able to build those boundaries and support myself in that way,' which wasn't even conversation we were having that time ago. We are now, but we're certainly not doing that as much. So thank you for bringing that up. That's an interesting, I don't think I've ever had that conversation as a best or worst piece. So thanks for that.

Shelley Golden: Oh good! Glad to bring a different perspective.

Russel Lolacher: So we're talking about how we show up today, Shelley and out of the gate, I want to start talking first about, why? Why should we care about appearances in the workplace, whether it's in person or virtually?

Shelley Golden: The reason it's important to care about how you look, how you show up is because other people will react to you accordingly.

When, when you look at somebody, the very first thing that you are assessing, first of all, this is subconscious, this kind of goes back, it's fight or flight. Is this person look friendly, or do I need to run?

I mean, it's a very primal instinct. So that's the, that's the first thing you're assessing. Of course, it's usually based on how people dress. If you see somebody approaching you who really doesn't look, maybe somebody, unfortunately, who's living on the street or somebody just the way they're addressed, they don't look friendly and approachable.

So that's the first instinct that we, we feel. And then it, it goes to what's your financial situation. So this is the second immediate thing you can tell if somebody is very well dressed and has money, or you could tell if somebody really doesn't have money. So these are subliminal, these are subconscious things that we actually think of.

When you're getting promoted, when you're getting hired, you want to look competent. Even if you're being, if somebody is hiring you to do something, whether it's a job or it's a consulting gig.

If you look like you earn more money, you look put together, you will look smarter and people will pay you more money.

Russel Lolacher: And the funny thing is, is none of this can be based on reality. Like it's all perception, which matters. Like for instance, you were talking about somebody that's homeless who may not be approachable. They can be the nicest person in the world, but you're bringing all your biases. You're bringing all your perceptions to the table, regardless of reality.

But unfortunately we live in a world where first impressions and our own stories that we tell each other matter so much, so I guess the...

Shelley Golden: That's right.

Russel Lolacher: So how do you, how do you feel it can impact, whether it's the clothes we wear or the, the background that we're presenting when we show up in these virtual worlds, how do you feel it can impact our relationships? Our career opportunities? So you're saying that if, if those perceptions aren't positive to the audience that we have in front of us, which actually leads me to another question...

You're saying that there's an opportunity to maybe not get those opportunities that you're looking for. Yes. Opportunity to not get opportunities. I actually just said that.

Shelley Golden: Right. All right, here, let me give you a classic example. Let's take, here we are, we're kind of sitting, even though this is not Zoom, but we're kind of sitting in our our, our virtual Zoom box, so to speak. It's kind of like the new Kleenex, right? And during COVID, so many people were working from home and people are still working from home. Quite often, and it depends who the person is, they're in their bedroom, they're in their kitchen, they're in their dining room. One of my clients, so one of the things that I do, I not only help people look good in person, on camera, on video, but I also help them look good on Zoom. As part of my service, I create custom virtual backgrounds for companies, individuals, organizations. And one of my clients is a law firm and he said, you have saved my so many of my employees, their jobs. Why? Because they were working in their bedroom with their unmade bed behind them, or whether it's an unmade bed or a bed., it really is not professional, but this is the space they have. So by looking at somebody and seeing, Oh, wow. They're, they're in their bedroom with their they're a small unmade bed that doesn't look nice versus, wow, somebody has a really nice office space. You're kind of seeing different socioeconomic levels. You are seeing different levels of, of what looks like something warm and welcoming. When we create an office space, when we, when a company creates a restaurant, you want it warm, you want it welcoming. And when you don't have a warm welcoming space, you're doing this...

Whoa, wait a minute. I'm not sure that you are, are going to be presentable to our clients. I'm not sure you really understand the, the, the standards that our company holds. I think a lot of companies have re rethought the level of standards of what's acceptable, what's acceptable in how you look on Zoom, what's acceptable to what you wear. Okay. Yes, you can wear jeans, but okay, you can wear faded jeans, but there can be, can there be a tiny rip or no tiny rip?

So these are just can, levels that companies and organizations are readjusting their standards. And what's happening, especially amongst young, younger X, Y, Z generations is they're pushing the boundaries and their, their, their standards are going down, down, down, down, down,

Maybe the work level is going up? But visually how they show up, the standards are going down. And one of the things that I've noticed is that the, let's say a millennial generation, an X generation. They're looking, well, oh, the, the, the, the Y-Zs are wearing this, so maybe I can wear that too. So they're bringing their standard down a little.

Russel Lolacher: Interesting. And also what's popping into my brain as well is looking at, it also demonstrate your attention to detail. So regardless of how professional or not professional, if you can't even make your bed, if you can't even pick that thing up in the corner, what are you telling the other person on there?

Like they can't even be ready for... regardless of what they're wearing, regardless of what they framed. It's the little things as to effort. Maybe that's what I'm sort of thinking as well is it also displays your interest in making an effort to best show up, regardless of what you're wearing, regardless of how it's framed.

So yeah, I'm trying to think of all the different ways that, because I'm a communications guy. What are you communicating with what you're wearing and what you're presenting around you? . I want to start first with in person. I want to talk, cause I know it's very different.

Well, not even very different between in person and moving into a virtual realm. So first as an in person, because there is hybrid work, there is still people that need to get into the office and show up. Where do we start? Where do we really need to pay attention in how we show up in 2024? When, as you've mentioned, everything has kind of, not all suits all day anymore.

Shelley Golden: I think you need to wear, okay, how you show up physically. You want to wear clean clothes. You don't want to wear ripped, ripped clothes, kind of ripped jeans. Again, it depends what you're doing. I live in Silicon Valley. There's lots of jeans, lots of ripped jeans, lots of casual people going to work in sweatshirts that you're like, really?

So it's, it's, it's actually knowing what the company standard is. What I always tell people is, depending upon how old they are, if you're younger than 40, I often say look to the people who work in your company who are 40 years old. What are they wearing? You wanna dress for the job that you want, not the one you have.

So you, you wanna dress up a little bit. Sometimes for older people, it might be the other way around. People late 50s and 60s in the workforce sometimes they're dressing like the old person. And at that point I say, look at the 45 year olds. It's kind of in the 40 like everyone's dressing in the like, the 40 year olds. Look toward the 45 year olds. What are they wearing? So, you don't look like the old person. The younger people will say, hey, you're really cool and, and, it kind of brings everybody to an even to the same point as opposed to having different levels. So in other words, how you show up matters. You want to look clean.

You don't want clothes that look like you're wearing them to the gym, which would be quite often yoga pants., which might be like kind of a, a, a ripped sweatshirts again, something that looks like you're wearing it to the gym. You don't want to wear that to work. By putting work, work clothes on whatever your work clothes are.

I mean, for like you have, it looks like you have a sweater with a t shirt underneath.

Russel Lolacher: A collared sweater with a T shirt underneath. It's sort of a cardigan look. Yes.

Shelley Golden: Yes, so you're not going to wear that to the gym. So that looks clean and it looks professional. So you can wear a t shirt, but it needs to be a t shirt you're not going to wear to the gym because that's where the respect... People will lose respect for you if you don't look clean and well dressed. Also, also really important are your shoes. I am a huge fanatic that it's all about your shoes.

People can usually tell a lot about you by your shoes. So again, we're talking in person. If you have old torn shoes. It looks like you're going hiking. It looks like you're going to the gym. They're, they're just dirty. The, the, the heels are all trashed.

That tells something about you. Again, it's, it's, it's almost equating, how will you finish this project? So you get a project to work on, whether it's a document or it's a, it's, it's, it's some project that, your bosses, your supervisors will know that you will dot all your I's and cross all your T's because you are detailed in how you York.

the do your work. Well, by looking kind of clean and detailed, make sure that your shoes look good. I always say it's great if your shoes always look new. And even if you have, say, leather shoes, keep them polished. Keep the heels looking good. That's what shoemakers are for. That's also for, for men. I'm a big fanatic, and for women as well, of putting shoe trees in your shoes. So that you don't have that, that extra bend at the toes, the crease in the shoes when leather dries.

Now, so even if you have a really nice white leather sneaker, and you're wearing it all day, the leather gets a little bit moist. And if you put a shoot tree in, it will not cause the leather to crease. And so by having your shoes like trying to keep them new or looking new, even though they could be years old, it, it shows a level of, of polish and sophistication. In other words, you will show up looking better, looking cleaner, looking more professional in your work setting.

Russel Lolacher: You touched on it there in just a moment, men versus women, when it comes to how we show up, how do you handle that? Because I'm guessing, based on experience as well and from friends I've heard, the standard seems to be a little bit different.

Shelley Golden: I don't think the standard is any different. I think this how you put yourself together is the same. But I don't think the standard is any different. I think women generally make themselves look better, but I don't think the standard is any, any different. Like I said, so many companies have lowered their standards, and, and I think men push the low standard and women push the high standard.

So perhaps that's where the difference might be. But quite often, I, I think men and women both care about how they look. Coming out of COVID, one of the big things that I have noticed in working with both men and women, is they want everything to be really comfortable. That's how everyone... when I get together with someone, they're like, well I just really want comfortable clothes or they'll try something on, they'll go, yeah, it's really comfortable. That's the main focus for that, is that it's comfortable. So the trick is to find clothes that look good, that are comfortable, that might even look, say, I don't still more professional, but have more elastic in it. Even say for a man. Just let's say whether you're wearing... so right now, maybe 20 years ago, you'd be wearing a sport coat, right? Now you're wearing a comfortable, stretchy sweater. Case in point.

Russel Lolacher: So when your clients approach you or you're considering taking on a new client, what problems are they looking for you to solve? Or what, what challenges are they looking for you to help them overcome that may have gotten the way of their success? Are there any tangible, you don't have to name names obviously, but what are some of the tangible things that paying attention to appearance can certainly help with?

Shelley Golden: One of the big things is weight gain. Especially coming out, and just just being more recent. Especially coming out of COVID, a lot of people have gained weight. Have a little extra weight. Their clothes don't fit. So the clothes are tight. And what they're doing is they're, they're going to the least common denominator.

What's the most comfortable clothes they have, which could be their yoga pants. Which could be their hiking clothes. So again, almost bringing their level of professionalism down to, to yoga pants and hiking clothes. because they are more comfortable. So my advice is if you have gained weight, take the time...

I'm not talking, I'm not in the weight business. I, I'm, I'm in the, I help you where you are business and where you want to go business. Take the time. Get some clothes that fit your body. And that look clean and presentable. A lot of people say, Oh, I don't want to spend any money now because I I'm, I'm going to lose the weight. So I don't really want to spend money on a new wardrobe. Well, you don't have to spend money on a new wardrobe, but you do want to look presentable.

Go take the time, spend the money, get clean clothes that fit. I've always said it doesn't matter how much money you spend, it matters how they, how they fit. So you can go to you, you can go to an outlet store, for example, and whether you order online or you go to a brick and mortar. It could be on sale. And so that, that's irrelevant, but as long as it looks clean and crisp, I think it looks new. You don't want to wear a sweater that's all pilled. Uh,, oh, by the way, I've got a tip for that. Just okay, like tip alert tip alert over here. Um, For those of you who have sweaters that have pills on them, one of the best way to get rid of them is just like a little cheap plastic razor. And shave them off. It works like a dream now. And you're paying a couple bucks for a razor. You don't have to go and get one of these deep pillars. You can, but some of them actually are not as effective. Sometimes they make holes depending on the quality. . So, it, it depends how your clothes fit. Now, if you've gained weight and you're going and buying a bigger size, quite often what happens, especially on tops, whether it's a jacket, a sweater, sometimes the sleeves get too long because now you need a bigger size.

It's really important to get the sleeves to fit at the right place. If your sleeves. are too long. First of all, two things happen. It looks like your clothes are too big. Number one.

And secondly, you feel like your clothes are too big. So you feel like you're wearing these really big clothes. So go to the tape, find a tailor, go to the tailor, get your sleeves shortened. So that whether it's a shirt, a jacket, sometimes sweaters can be altered, but you want your sleeves to be at the right at your wrist bone, whether whatever it whether it's a shirt, a jacket, a sweater. If they're too long, it looks like your clothes are too big. Yes, you could roll up your your jacket sleeve, your sweater sleeve. But, if you have the option to get it at the right length, take advantage of that. You will look better. The more money you look like you spent on your clothes, the better you present yourself. The more educated you look. The more professional you look.

And perhaps you might get that job because you look cleaner, crisper, more professional than the person next to you.

Russel Lolacher: And it's interesting that, and I'm sort of reading between the lines here a little bit, is that, paying attention to this, being more aware of this, investing in this is as much as the communications guy, I'm obviously thinking about what are you communicating? How are you being perceived, considering the audience and how you're communicating, but also it's about your self esteem, your feeling of worth, your mental health. If you show up in a way that makes you look good and fits for how you want to show up in the world that can't do anything but help you with maybe any erosion of self doubt or, boost that confidence a little bit as well. That leads me to a new world that we're living in now where... hybrid work, remote work, which is all about, so when COVID started, it felt like survival mode where it was like, we're at home. Doesn't matter what's behind you. We didn't ask for this. We're here as we are, but we're a few years in now. And even during COVID, it became very important to go, you know what, maybe you should rethink the hanging towel that's hitting behind you. When the context of remote work, what strategies would you recommend to look more professional and engaging in your virtual presence?

Shelley Golden: Ah, well, I have a whole list for you. It's a short list. First of all, So I created, during COVID, a five step process that I call the Zoom Makeover and this has helped thousands of people around the world look more professional, look more engaged, look more engaging and look more credible. And trustworthy.

So I'm going to go through these five steps and just kind of talk about them a little bit. So first of all, here we are in our box. I look at it like a painting. And when you're looking at a painting, you see where the light is. You see usually what the focal point is. Those are the first two things you see.

So you see the light. On my face. And where is my face? So, my face is ideally, the top third of the box in the center. We're not trying to be artistic and create movies where you want to be one third over. Because at that point, what happens, especially if you're in a full Zoom room, our eyes want to keep everything clear and balanced.

All right. So you want to make sure that your, your eyes are on the top third of the box in the center so that people are looking right at you as though you're sitting across the table from each other. The second thing is lighting. Lighting is one of the most important aspects of this because if people cannot see you, it's distracting.

So what I always suggest is have two lights, one on your left and and one on your right. You probably want to put them a little higher than eye level, kind of at the 10 and two o'clock angles, so that it's shining on your face. That's specifically if you wear glasses. If you don't wear glasses, you can have the light directly in front because so many times, I've been on Zoom calls and people who wear glasses, they've got this glare in their glasses and it's super distracting.

And one of the things I try to do is eliminate distractions. All right. So it's camera angle and lighting so that people can see your face left and right evenly. Now I have a super tip on how to create what looks like natural skin tone.

When you have a light, often you look washed out. It's just the way the light is. So one of the things I kind of came up with because in high school I was on stage crew and how do you change the color of the lights on stage crew? You put gels in front of the lights and all of a sudden you have a red light or a green light. So I take fuchsia and yellow Post-Its. And I literally put them over parts of my little light so that I can show you on this left side, if I take my fuchsia and yellow Post-Its off, that's what I get.

So I've got this white light on my face, if I put my fuchsia and yellow post its over it, I look more skin tone. And the reason I suggest like fuchsia and yellow, bright yellow Post-Its is because as a color consultant, you mix these two colors together. and you get a peachy color. And it doesn't matter whether you're dark skinned or light skinned, it's the right recipe.

All right, so that's the lighting and that's like a hot tip on how to create a more natural look. It also sometimes diffuses the light a little bit so you don't have this light on you. It looks more natural. Part three, your background. You want your background to be neat. You want it to be organized.

You want it to be lit up. If you have a dark background, it actually acts like a black hole and people are like, they don't really, it's hard for them to see where are you. You want it to be neat. You don't want to have your unmade bed in the background. If you have a bookshelf. If it's super unorganized, it's very distracting.

And the reason it's, I, I always suggest having a neat, clean background is because the main thing I'm trying to do is eliminate distractions. Okay. I see that you are Russel, you're in a room with a chair and a bookshelf. Okay, I get that. But if there were all kinds of things going on, I might be checking out the artwork.

I might be going, Wow, his room is a mess or I would be distracted by what's behind you. But if it's clean, neat and simple. It's Oh, okay. There's a chair in a bookshelf. Alright, fine. And then I can focus on you and what you're saying, as opposed to what's around you. Also, if you take up maybe one quarter of the zoom space, people can see more of your stuff and it's harder to focus on you.

So if you take up, say a center third of the box. It's easier for people to focus on you, your eyes, your lips. And what you're saying. Also, some of your nonverbal body language. So it's easier to feel like, again, we're just sitting across the table from each other, level to level, having a conversation.

OK, four. What are you wearing? You want to wear something, a different color than your background. So that you stand out kind of like, again, it's like a painting. What's who's the main focus. You don't want your clothing to blend in with the background because then you look like a floating head. Which is kind of an odd thing to be talking to a floating head. So for women, I often suggest open necklines so people can see your face, your lips, and also part of your, your chest. So again, they can read some of your nonverbal. So for example, if you wore that sweater and you buttoned it all the way up, you would kind of look a little bit like a floating head. But by the fact you have a lighter colored shirt underneath, it kind of brings the eye down so that I can read more of your body language.

And so, so what I'm trying to do is really help people engage with you. So that you look trustworthy. We're trying to eliminate distractions. So by being able to see you with the light, your background is clean and organized. It's easier to focus on you, your eyes, what you're saying. And lastly, the fifth, the fifth step, and this generally pertains to women, is makeup. I have what I call a Zoom specific makeup and you put makeup on a little differently, but also, have a little bit of lipstick, which you could, if you're on a, on actually Zoom has Zoom lipstick, but by having a little bit of color on your lips, people can read your lips more easily. And it all, it helps in being able to communicate.

And that's what we're talking about.

Russel Lolacher: Is there some best practices when it comes to the psychology of color? Like maybe there's some colors we should be avoiding or ones we should really be leaning into?

Shelley Golden: Well, again, there's in person and there's online. So if we're talking online, generally online, I say, stay away from black and stay away from white. All, all black and all white. Because what happens, especially if you wear white... So the camera picks up white and light first and brings it to the foreground and it takes black and brings it to the background.

So if you wear all white, the first thing people will see, are your white clothes. And not your face so that's why you really want to stay away from all white. And then staying away from, all black. Like you, you were showing if, if you closed up your sweater, it would be no, but nobody would even see your torso and wouldn't be able to see your body language as much because it becomes like a black hole and fades to the background. I often suggest very small to no patterns on Zoom. So solid colors, small to no pattern and, brighter colors generally so that you can stand out. Kind of like I have on this kind of a teal blue top.

It stands out. So like I have a difficult in person background. Again, this is my space. I have dark on one side and light on the other. And as we get later in the afternoon, this sofa becomes neon white. I don't know why. I've got a sliding glass door over here.

Even though it's oatmeal color and you can see that now. But I have to wear something that's in between. Quite often I wear reds and fuchsias so I stand out. But I, I think it's important to wear a color that helps you stand out.

Russel Lolacher: Now, as an image consultant, I noticed you've also lived around the world quite a bit. You've traveled a bit. I ask where is the diversity, equity, inclusivity in this? Is there a lens to that? Because some people will be saying, but I want to bring my full self to work. I don't want to follow particular rules.

I'm hearing from you that these are just, these are good guidelines to follow, but in your consultancy of others, does that come into play a bit when it comes to different cultures, what different colors might mean in a different culture? Has that ever jumped out at you?

Shelley Golden: No.

Russel Lolacher: Okay.

Shelley Golden: I, the only time that that plays into what I do, is, one of the things I do, I do color analysis and it doesn't, it doesn't at all, it doesn't at all, I usually try to put them in complimentary colors.

I just... No, it really has absolutely zero impact on, on anything. The only thing is if you are on Zoom, you might need to have more light on your face. so that people can see you. If you are darker skin, you probably want a lighter color behind you. Especially if you have really dark skin, you don't want to have, you don't want to wear black.

You really, at that point. So for, for example, What I was saying that I advise women on Zoom specific makeup for women who have really dark skin. At that point, that's where you want to have more light, because the light will reflect some light, which might be iridescence in your makeup. For women, I always advise on Zoom, kind of going back to that for a second, do not wear lip gloss. 'cause what happens is the light will reflect off lip gloss. And be kinda give this weird movement. If you need a little moisture on your lips, have chapstick available.

Russel Lolacher: We've talked a lot about backgrounds. We've talked a lot about what we should be wearing. What do you recommend around grooming? Like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm so self conscious that I'm talking to you. I'm like, wow, this beard could really use a trim right now as I'm sitting here on the, on looking at my face.

Cause I have two big key lights here too, as well, that is really looking at my face. So what grooming tips do you give to people? Is it... my head is going to a few things, but I want to hear it from you of what we should be paying attention to.

Shelley Golden: Probably want to be paying... I think your beard looks great by the way. I have zero comment on it. It, besides the fact that it looks great. I think having your hair, hair is always a little bit challenging especially on Zoom. Because first of all, a lot of people do use virtual backgrounds. If your hair and I, one of the things I do is I also make custom virtual backgrounds for individuals and companies.

So it's, let's say you have dark hair. You don't want anything dark behind you. You want contrasting colors, because if your hair is dark and you have something dark behind you, that's when it goes, it kind of goes in and out. If you have your, your hair is just kind of sticking up all over the place.

Sometimes really spiky hair where, where there's not a clean line, that's where that, the, the pixels that, can get a little confused and they, they can't identify hair, pixel, background pixel, hair pixel, background pixel. So in terms of grooming, you just still want to look your best. Whether you have a beard, big beard if, if that's, if that's your brand and that's how you, how you choose to quaff yourself. I, I, I just think it's important to look clean, and the main thing, Russel, eliminate distractions.

Russel Lolacher: Right.

Shelley Golden: That's it.

Russel Lolacher: So to wrap up, I want to talk about those virtual backgrounds because there's a lot you can control behind you. There's what you can control what you're wearing, but you also in one of your services is around virtual backgrounds. Are we just considering standard office backgrounds? Or are we looking at a bit of personality? What's the best way to approach virtual backgrounds?

Shelley Golden: Okay. So I, a lot of different little elements go into it. I always want to know, who are you? Who is the audience you're trying to attract? Kind of how do you dress for the office. If you're going into work, you want to kind of dress for the job you have. For your virtual background, you want to dress for the audience that you're trying to attract.

So let's say you're in the... you're in the legal profession. So you have a certain audience that you're trying to attract, you don't want to have whimsical things, you don't want to have anything distracting because if you're talking to your client about something important, some legalese.

You don't want them to be distracted by all the different different things going on. So clean and simple, so it looks like a clean professional law office. Also, again, you want to dress for the position you have. You want the virtual background for the for the position you want. I'm saying not the one you have.

You want for the, for where you're trying to go in your business, your, in your career.

I try to make it clean around your head kind of, almost as though you're looking at my, in my, my space right now. Except for the fact that I've got a lamp back here and there's a divider between light and dark. It's, it's pretty clean around my head. You don't want lots of stuff around your head.

Another thing I try to do, having studied art when I lived in Amsterdam for 10 years, I studied the Dutch masters, is they always use these subliminal lines to force your eye to look in a certain place. Which would usually be like the main, the main character or the main focal point of the painting.

So, more or less, I have a little bit of that built into my natural position, but I do it even more so on virtual backgrounds. Notice I've got like a plant here, there's a round thing here, then my eyes, then these pillows.

And it's all on a diagonal. So that's a little bit of a, it's, and it's forcing you to look at my eyes. And so I, I quite often when I'm designing custom virtual backgrounds, I might have actually this plant down here. So then I have two X's going across my eyes, forcing you to look at my eyes.

Also, I know it's very subliminal, but this is this is what I do when I'm creating custom virtual background. Additionally, if you have a logo that you want to put on, I would, first of all, you don't want it across the back of your head. Ideally, you don't want it down here because now you're forcing people to look away from your eyes. I often say, if you take your hands and go like this, it should be about here.

So it should be eye level or a little bit above so that people's eyes will still be looking at your logo, looking at your eyes, looking at your logo, looking at your eyes.

So that's where you want your branding to be. It's in these upper corners. So it's clean. It's not behind you, you're not hiding any of the verbiage, and you really, ideally, don't want it down here.

Russel Lolacher: Oh, I have so many things I got to pay attention to, Shelley. Well, we've come to the end of this conversation. I've got so many things in my head around communication and tone and what are we communicating with any way we show up. So thank you so much for being here to sort of help us with that.

But I have to ask the last question of the show, which is, of course, what's one simple action people can do right now to improve their relationships at work?

Shelley Golden: Okay, one really simple action. is to dress for the position you want, not the one you have. Look to your boss or your boss's boss and see how they are putting themselves together. See what level of formality, what level of, of professionalism. And that's how you should, what you should emulate, and it will take you to bigger and better places because you will look the part more.

You will look smarter and you will look like you've, you've got all the I's dotted and the T's crosses and that you are more polished and that you pay more attention to not just to yourself, but to the project you're working on. And that will, will take you further than you think it will take you.

So dress for the position you want, not the one you have.

Russel Lolacher: That is Shelley Golden. She's an international speaker and personal branding image consultant through her consultancy, Shelley Golden Style. Thank you so much for being here, Shelley.

Shelley Golden: You are so welcome. Thank you so much for having me.