Episode 6 - New Brunswick Adoption Support Network

In today's episode, we will be talking to Catherine Derry, A Coordinator with the New Brunswick Adoption Support Network.

Catherine brings both lived and professional experience to the adoption field and provides us with a comprehensive look into what their network can offer.

If you would like to contact Catherine directly, you can do so through the following:

Phone: 506-642 - 3210

E-mail: Catherine.derry@nbadoption.ca

Facebook Page: https://www.google.com/url?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fcatherine.nbadoption&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNHeFP5BH16dQom6TVe--GvmOla4nA

Website: https://www.nbadoption.ca

Transcript

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You are listening to Hills and valleys the podcast, your local wellness navigation station. Welcome to today's episode and today's episode, I will be chatting with Katherine Derry who works for the new Brunswick adoption support network in the St. John area. Today's episode is very near and dear to me, and is a topic that I will explore further. In future projects. I have a firm belief that some level of self-disclosure can help others and knowing that they are not alone transparency to some degree with a healthy boundary can be helpful and therapeutic for those out there. Listening. In the spirit of transparency, I will share with you that I, myself am an adopted child and was fortunate enough to have been raised by two wonderful parents. During my conversation with Catherine, we learn more about the programs and services available to those who are interested in knowing more about adoption from pre-adoption during the adoption process and post adoption support. Today's episode takes a look into an area that I am immensely passionate about, and I'm looking forward to our community and learning more about what this wonderful service has to offer. Today we have Catherine Derry. Catherine is from the adoption support network. And I'm going to give her the opportunity to tell us a little bit about what her agency does and how people can access them. So thank you for joining me today. CA. Hi, welcome. I'm glad to be here. Great. So we are a part of the new Brunswick adoption foundation, which is a nonprofit that actually started in 2002 and it's mandated. Promote the adoption of children in new Brunswick. And, the support network came around in 2011 and has slowly moved across the province. So that now we have a coordinator in every province our region, the Southwest, which I'm in St. John. And that covers everywhere from St. Stephen deception. Has a coordinator and we provide, support to people, both pre and post-operative and pre and post foster and kinship families. And we provide. Supports education resources, peer to peer connections, groups, webinars, you name it. And so there is a coordinator in every area of the province now. And four of us are also adoptive parents to that's amazing. So your adoptive parents, as well as, what are the what's that kind of, one of the motivating, inspiring factors when you decided to become part of this, network? Well, yeah, I mean, it's not a requirement for the job. Like we have a coordinator who isn't an adoptive parent that they, they used to be a social worker who worked in adoptions. So having some sort of previous connection or experiences. You know, an asset to this job. And as those of us that are adoptive parents, it brings a certain understanding. We remember what it was like to go through, the process leading up to it. We know what it's like to, parent adoptive and foster kids. So yeah, we've all been through that journey in one way or another. I, myself am also adopted. Well, thank you for sharing that. It can be really helpful for people to reach out to different services and know that the people that they're connecting with have gone through some similar things. So I really appreciate you being open about that for people. Yeah, it helps them understand that they have somebody here who will, understand what they've been through. Sometimes somebody, you know, will say to us, I couldn't say this to my friends or family about something that's going on with my child, but I know I can say this to another adoptive parent. And you won't think what I'm saying is an unusual experience. Yeah, exactly. You're spot on there. And there are so many families out there who are experiencing these types of things. And especially when it comes to adoptions. I, I think that the process is quite long and can be very challenging for many people. And if you could explain a little bit about. What that looks like from when they first come to you, what kinds of services are you able to provide specifically when you talk about support and, groups and things like that. Yeah. What's nice is now that we're quite a few years in, we often encounter people very early on. Like some people come to us now, before they've even, you know, talked or looked into adoption, they're just thinking about it. So they come and contact us and. You know, we explained to them all the different parts, their first contact w we have a website and be adoption.ca and I'm on there. There is a page to connect where you can fill out and request to connect. If you don't want to fill out the form, there's also meet the team and you can see a list and email directly, or Facebook message your local coordinator and what happens then is one of us will reach out and see where somebody is in the process. If they're thinking about it, if they're in the process, if they're waiting, if they're already on the other side and parenting. We will see what supports they will need. We will connect with them. We'll explain everything that the network does. And, often when people first connect, I'm answering their questions, like what is private adoption? What is adoption from the province? What is, international adoption? How do you access those? What is the way like, so we're answering a lot of questions. Some people, their first contact with us, we have, a couple of Facebook options and they're very popular. We have a page for the new Brunswick adoption foundation. Now, if you like that, anybody can follow along that that wants to any member of the public. and it's all sorts of full of information and resources. Two and connections to our groups, but we also have, a private Facebook group, the NB adoption support network. So to be in that one, you have to be either somewhere in the adoption process, foster process, parents actively parenting one of these children, or be a former youth in care or adoptee. There's nobody in this group, that's strictly a professional that doesn't have a personal connection to adoption. There's no media. So that is often people's starting point. They joined this group to get a sense of what we do and, connect with other parents or parents to be like them and ask questions and share. Then along with that, Every region has a monthly group. So, we hold those at night. They used to be in person right now with COVID restrictions. They're on zoom. Although we find that for some people that, that may work better, some people. can join in at night after they get their kids to bed. Right. So they don't have to worry about getting a babysitter. then I have people who live a distance or way, or might have to take a ferry, to come. So zoom actually works really well for, a lot of people. We usually have those monthly meetings for each region. Then we have a number of groups we have, French only provincials support group. We have one, that's an English only provincial monthly. We have somebody who offers a late night. It's the late night talks with Kim and it's even later it's usually like eight 30 till nine. So for those who. To make sure the house is quiet and everybody's asleep. That's a great one. We also have a specific one, for parents who are raising high needs children. So it's called understanding high needs kids. We talk about. The challenges, the strategies we have. Once a month there is a webinar on an educational topic and that can vary this month going on. Now we have more than one, some months we will, our webinars, some months they're in French, some months they're in English. we have ones on FAS. Attachment, bringing your child home, every topic you can think of that would touch adoption. We do a webinar. We've done ones on supports in the community. Parenting special needs kids, building attachment. So all sorts of things. We also do a weekly Facebook live in our private group that parents can connect and learn about. And then once a year in November, we used to do a conference, but right now, during COVID, we're doing an adoption awareness month with all sorts of extra activities. And we also connect with, community professionals And those who work in child welfare. So we meet with them and we figure out ways where working with them, we can get ideas to help support families better. A lot of our programming, comes out of the participants, the families themselves, and the needs and what they're going through. We also connect people with other peers. So if somebody says I'm going through a certain situation, do you know a family that's gone through this and often we'll connect them with a family that's gone through that situation and made it through. The other side. And then sometimes somebody says, I'm thinking of adopting and I'd like to learn more about something like FAS, can you connect me with a family? That's adopted a child with FAS and, we'll do that. There's been really great communities built. Because we see people, who've met through groups and they're helping each other with their shower when their child comes home or, going on outings with their kids together. So it's really good to see people connect. It really is. it sounds like you cover a really broad spectrum when it comes to adoptions from pre and then during the process and post it would be a major help to people, especially if they're interested, but they're not sure what to expect. And they're just looking to see what's out there, what supports available because once an adoption occurs and all of those things are finalized. Sometimes people still need to have somewhere to turn. Absolutely. Sometimes that's can be the most challenging part of it all. I mean, you receive lots of training when you're going through the adoption process. Before your child comes home and it is a great opportunity to learn about trauma and the impacts of that, that most of these kids have gone through. But really honestly, and I mean, I've been there myself, sitting in adoption training. You're thinking of your theoretical child. And everybody thinks about before their child comes home, whether you have adopted a child or a biological child, what your dream child's going to be like and what you imagined, and, the reality. Not always the same. So when you need to know more about trauma, you're usually because you're parenting a child with trauma and your training was quite a ways away. And like I said, your head's not a hundred percent in the game then. Right. So it's helpful to talk to other parents because usually, if you're parenting a child with trauma, most of your friends. Yeah, exactly. it's true. You might feel isolated or, lonely when it comes to knowing what to do and who to turn to, and not having someone to talk to who may understand exactly what you're facing. So to have. Support that group of people and access to different things that can help. Is he? Yeah. And I mean, it really is. I can think I've had two meetings this week where I've seen participants look at each other on zoom and go, whether they're talking about their child, you're describing my child. And it's that look on someone's face when they know, oh my gosh, I am not the only one doing this. Right. Yes. Yeah. Do you find that the system, in terms of knowing that you guys are out there is fairly easy to be aware of and access, or are there things that you think we could be improving? Service providers and community members to get that word out there that you guys are, you know, a very well running agency support network for people who are in this adoption realm. Well, I will say I don't know if a lot of community professionals know, I mean, we try to connect with them and we have a. So my amazing groups that we do work with and, we coordinate with other groups where the people participating would be the same people and, a lot of social development. If somebody applies for the process, they're pretty quick to connect them with us if they haven't connected, but say, you've been an adoptive parent for a long time before we were more known or before we were here, maybe you've done a private adoption or a family adoption and international adoption. They might not know about us. So, I'm thinking, not everybody knows about us, but more people know about us. Used to like I think when I started in 2003, there was under 300 people in our group, but now there's over a thousand. And like I said, none of them are professionals. These are all people actively in this journey. so it's grown. It sounds like from the beginning and a lot of that may have to do with just getting out there on different social media platforms or technology advancements that can be really helpful yeah. And we have done things in different regions like myself. A couple of years ago, I went and I spoke to the pediatrician when they were doing their, grand rounds. And so we told them about our services and what we do so they could help, connect more parents that helps get the word out too, but I don't think everybody would know, you know, I know. Get parents are like, I've been parenting my adoptive child for 10 years. I didn't know. You guys were here. Absolutely. So you were talking a little earlier about how many coordinators you have in our area. You have yourself, you're one designated coordinator for St. John entire region. Do you have staff that work or is it mainly formed through volunteers? We're all staff. We have a couple people in the north. And we have somebody in the Southeast that is in Monkton and they're like Rishi Bucktown. I think the ending point for the region. And then we have a central person in Oromocto and their Fredericton and they also include the mayor mushy. So yeah, there's really somebody covering every part of the problem. And do you guys all connect with one another with your groups or is it specific to our region when you have these support things going on? See, that's the nice thing we did have maybe one or two online meetings for the province. Maybe in the year before COVID, but before COVID happened and I'm not happy it happened because it's been awful, but, um, I'm happy for how things worked online before that we'd all go to our regional meetings once a month. Our workshops when you know that we help. I think we, maybe each had a workshop, four times a year, maybe three or four times a year. And we're all doing them in our own regions. And while we had, connected every week or two in a staff meeting, I knew what everybody else was doing. But now. I really know, we do have our still have our regional means. Cause it's important for people, even though we're on zoom to make connections with somebody locally and that's great because somebody might realize, wow. I have something in common with, and our kids go to the same school before people realize that their kids were friends and neither of their kids knew, that they have that in common. So that's great. But, with our two provincial groups, one's in English, one's in French. Those are open to anyone in the province and. They can be anywhere from just thinking about adopting to post foster post adoptive and the same with the late nights with camp, that's open to the whole province and I'm understanding high needs kids that is open to everyone in the whole province and actually people in that group, kind of like that aspect that it's open to the small province, because those people said it's hard to come to a regional group, especially. I think of somebody that might live in a more rural region and everybody knows each other. It's hard to come to a regular group when you're talking about a challenging situation, right. So they know if they're coming to this group of people from all over the province and they're all dealing with something high needs that makes it easier. And, our workshops we're able to have more of them and a more diverse amount of topics because all of our webinars are open to the whole problem. And you had mentioned before that this is a nonprofit agency or their nonprofit. Yeah. So there's there, there's no fees associated with any of the services? No, everything we do is for free. That's amazing. I know you've mentioned how to contact. If you look on the website, you can find all our contacts. And I think most people will, usually some people may start out emailing, but most people end up adding us. We have accounts on Facebook for this. So most people add us on Facebook and I know a great deal of us when we're not doing workshops and webinars. A lot of our time is spent either learning more about the adoption process or wanting to talk about their parenting issue are sending us private Facebook messages. You know, they see our green lights on and that's when we connect with them. And on a higher level. Our executive director is there too. The executive director of new Brunswick adoption foundation, promoting adoption awareness, promoting, what you need to know about kids and care working with the higher levels, in different groups and connecting with people. So, there's a lot of us and we're all there to. That's incredible. And thank you for sharing quite a bit about. What your agency does, you're doing remarkable work and I'm sure that our communities are stronger for it. We certainly need more adoption awareness, pre post, you know, going through the process. It's a very, rewarding and challenging at the same time experienced. Yeah, it is. And the greatest thing is knowing that you have other people to talk about it with. If there's anyone out there who is thinking and that pre-phase thinking about adoption, what would you say to them? If you could give them any tidbit or any suggestion? I would tell them if you're thinking about it, Start doing readings, start doing research and learn as much as you can about trauma and trauma informed practices. And that's what we spend a lot of time doing with people, and sharing with people. it's the most important thing you can know about kids who are going to be adopted are the effects of trauma. You know, they could have learning disabilities, they could have disorders or not, but trauma is always going to be present and connect with us early because we're here to support you through the whole process. I love it because I've been here for a while and I will talk to somebody when they're just thinking about it and I will see them go through the whole process and then one day I get a message. We have a match and it's really exciting. And then I get to find out about that and help them on the other side when they're parenting. So it's pretty amazing. That would be amazing. Absolutely. Now from being a person who's gone through the process, and you have mentioned that you've adopted a child with your family, if you could give people a message of hope or, thoughts on. Where you are today what would you tell people about your personal experience? I would say. it was the right decision for our family. I wish I had there had been a support network when we adopted our little girl. cause it was over 11 years ago that she came home. And I wish I'd paid attention and learn more about trauma back then. But, the encouraging thing was, it was an amazing process and it was amazing to, bring her home and like the things she teaches us every day. Yeah, like, don't give up if that's your dream, just know that. Your dream just may look a little different than you thought and be prepared to shift everything that you thought you knew about parenting and take your lead from the kids and learn from them and their experience. That's such good advice. And it seems that even if you are, a birth parent you never know what situation you're going to get and it's the same thing. So I think every family does look different and you know, when it comes to adoption, It's a little more complex it is there, there are some differences. And I think we see more families today, too, that have a mix. They have biological and adoptive and myself. I have one of each in both. My kids have special needs, but there's definitely a uniqueness, you know, to have me to adopting because. You'll S you don't know until you're in it, but if you have both a biological and adoptive child, you can see the difference that attachment makes, like, having had that attachment from the beginning, it makes some of it easier to navigate. So, yeah, that's why I'm glad that I know a lot of trauma informed methods now, because it really does make the. Yes, knowledge is power. If anybody that's listening is interested connect with a coordinator like we're always here and we love meeting people new to us and introducing them to the networks. Yes, and I hope people will reach out because that's a wonderful service that you guys have. So I really appreciate you taking the time when, if your day to chat with me today. Okay. Well, thank you. Thank you. And have a wonderful rest of your day. I want to take a moment to think Catherine, for taking the time out of her busy schedule, to talk with me today about what she does and how our community can benefit from the services, the new Brunswick adoption support network offers. I want to extend my deepest gratitude to Catherine and all of those out there. Listening in. It takes a lot of courage to share personal growth and experiences as Catherine did. And today's episode throughout the series, I am starting to notice a common theme emerge among many of our special guests, each have unique lived experiences and their reasons for doing the work that they do often reflects those things. Part of this journey's purpose is to uncover the natural beauty that lies within the people of our area. I want to extend another, thank you to the guests that I have had so far on the show. You are all valued. And the work that you do is crucial for our community. You can find more information on how to best contact Catherine and the services she offers through an a new Brunswick adoption support network. By checking out my website@wwwthehvcounseling.com and clicking on the podcasts. There you will find a list of episodes, information about each one and contacts join me next week. As we continue on our journey of navigating our local resources, I wish you all a wonderful day together. We can climb any mountain. Sincerely your community partner. Thank you for joining us today for a weekly topic and tune in next week for another dose of wellness.