A MilSpouse Never Forgets

We all have those memories as military spouses that we will never forget.

Whether it's the first time we went on base, the first call that he's coming home, or the realization our spouse is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for their country–these memories will forever be imprinted in our brains.

Join us as we share our core memories as military spouses and see what memories spark for you!

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Check out our friend, Dr. John, in his podcast for veterans Doc On The Road!

Dr. John is a 100% P&T disabled American Veteran of the US Army Paratroopers, a doctor of psychology, and a Senior Veteran Coach at VA Claims Insider (VACI). Now he’s on a mission to help other veterans heal through self-therapy by traveling across America with one goal: speaking at every stop about how we can all be better caregivers for our own mental health!

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Erin: If you are a veteran and have filed a VA disability claim and have been denied, have received a low rating, or you're unsure how to get started. Reach out to us, go to vacifree30.com linked in our show notes and take advantage of a free VA claim discovery call. Learn what you've been missing so you can finally get the disability rating and compensation you deserve. 

[00:00:30] Welcome back milspouses to another episode of MilSpouse House! 

[00:00:36] Molly, how you doing today?  

[00:00:38] Molly: I am good. I am really good. Much better today than yesterday. Yesterday. I felt like I was on like the emotional roller coaster going through like 80 different emotions within like you know eight hour Workday. 

[00:00:54] The the end of the month in our fields is, is a little crazy making sure that everything's [00:01:00] taken care of and kinda wrapped up so that you can start the next month fresh. Yeah, it was, it was crazy with it with us not being here on Monday because of the holiday, you know, Memorial day. 

[00:01:13] That was really hard. The day before the last day of the month and it just, it fell at a less opportune time. Sometime the calendar works against  

[00:01:24] Erin: But you did what you're supposed to do. You contacted your milspouse battle buddy. And we talked it out and we had a little talk right before recording and yeah, like that's what you're supposed to do. You know? I mean, we all have hard times. We get hard on ourselves when it comes to those deadlines and those goals and it, and it's not like ending up exactly how we want it to be, but that's when you got to lean on your MilSpouse battle, buddy, and even if they don't have an answer, cause like, I didn't have an answer for you. Like I didn't have a solution or anything. 

[00:01:57] Molly: I don't think there was a solution, [00:02:00] honestly... 

[00:02:01] Erin: but you know, like you had somebody that you could trust and talk to, and I think that's ultimately what everybody is really looking for is just to be heard and to get it out and to say it out loud. 

[00:02:13] Molly: Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And then last night I was just having, you know, after a day like that, it's just like, okay, how do I kind of reset, relax, and just start fresh the next day. And, and I, I remembered one of my favorite movies inside out because I had to laugh at how many emotions I had through the entire day. 

[00:02:38] And I was like, you know what? It would make me laugh, looking back. At the day and thinking of my emotions as little people in my head, like the movie inside out, you know, like with the little red guy with like the anger and like the fire coming out of his head. I felt like that yesterday. And so I watched inside out and.[00:03:00]  

[00:03:00] Brought up something that I've been wanting to talk to you and actually ask you about is it brought up core memories, you know, how they all have like their little like spheres or Globes or whatever you want to call them, you know, are different colors. And it represents like all of your memories. You have thousands of millions of memories, but only a few are those core memories and they're kept in a separate place in your head. 

[00:03:25] And they're protected, you know? And so I was thinking, what are some of my core memories? Going back to like my first memory that I have. What are some of those core memories? And then I took one step further. 

[00:03:36] And I was like, what are some of my military wife core memories. I was like, I'm going to ask Erin this tomorrow.  

[00:03:43] What are some of your core memories that just stick out that you don't think you'll ever forget that you'll tell like your grandkids one day, you know, those types of events? 

[00:03:53] Erin: Yeah. Well, I think right off the bat is I, there was one time when [00:04:00] adam was deployed. And he had told me that he would not be able to talk to me for like the next 24 hours, 48 hours. I can't remember exactly how long it was, but all he said was watch the news. And I just remember like being scared for the first time for him and being like worried and not being able to do anything about it. 

[00:04:24] And I think that will always stick with me. I think the first time I met all of his brothers in arms. And all of them coming to the house. I will always remember our house in El Paso because all the young single soldiers just would always come over and they would play poker with my husband or we'd cook for them, or I'd make like Banana bread or cinnamon bread or, or they would just play games with us. Like I [00:05:00] remember having those really happy moments and feeling like part of a family. In Korea, it's been a little bit different. I think where a lot of the soldiers go straight from AIT to Korea instead of being deployed first. I think that there's a little bit different of understanding. 

[00:05:19] And reality in terms of what it means to be a soldier, but all of Adam's unit, when they came back from the middle east, I mean, they were so close and, and they really loved each other and cared about each other. And so it's almost like a feeling I'll always remember. Like I remember our house being full of people and. 

[00:05:44] And that like, like I really care about them and I, you know, he still talks to them today. And so I will just always remember that. I think one of my core memories will always be having to quarantine in the barracks for two weeks in [00:06:00] Korea when we first got here and having an hour outside time a day No oven, just a microwave, a fridge, two twin beds my husband, my dog, and my cat. For two straight weeks while I am adjusting to working at night. And he would like sleep at night and I'd be working, then we'd switch. Like that was really hard to do in a barracks room for two weeks. I'm, I'm just kinda like spitting all these out here that we can go back if we need to. 

[00:06:31] I will always remember pinning my husband to Sergeant. A very proud moment for him. I remember even back in El Paso, he would be practicing for the board and we would like take walks and I'd have like note cards and ask him questions and stuff. And I was always really impressed. He has a horrible memory, but he could remember all of those for some reason, like all the codes and everything. 

[00:06:52] But I, I loved pinning him as Sergeant. It was a very proud moment for him and I was proud to watch him [00:07:00] do that. And at that I think that's just like a really big accomplishment in the army to go from specialist to Sergeant. So I would say like, those are like my top, some of my top core military wife memories. 

[00:07:15] I'm sure I have more, that will pop up if we continue to talk, but like off the top of my head, those are them.  

[00:07:22] Molly: Yeah. And I think that's important too, with core memories is it is the ones that when you're asked, like you can recall them. You know what time of day it was, what, you know, what did you feel? 

[00:07:34] All of those little details, like you can just remember like you go right back to it. An important thing too, is core memories don't always have to be good memories, you know, core memory just means that it's going to stick with you. 

[00:07:46] And so my first military core memory was when he went to basic. And I never knew when he was going to call and a call wasn't guaranteed. So one [00:08:00] of my first core memories of the military was, I was still in college at this point and working and so it was, it was really hard, but I was always on edge because I was always waiting day or night for our call. 

[00:08:11] You know, that was our only communication other than letters. And I would send a lot more letters than I would receive. You know, rightfully so.. Yeah, but, you know, it's just so it's so such a strange feeling going from being in constant communication with someone to just, not, not at all, like going back to like old school letter, writing no text messages. 

[00:08:36] That was definitely a shock, because we love to communicate. I mean, I would get "good morning" text messages, "goodnight," text messages all throughout the day, no matter how busy we were, you know, we were communicating. And so I remember I missed his first call. I think it was like, gosh, and I say that like the details matter, but I don't remember when in the process it was, but I do remember it was [00:09:00] like the one of the first times he called and not that initial one, like right after drop off, I think they get one, like within 24 hours that they made it to basic. 

[00:09:09] They call. Like they're reading off a script. Like, Hey Molly, I got to basic training. You'll get a package of my belongings in like X, Y, and Z. Like it was very scripted. So I don't mean that call. I mean, like the first call, like personal call that they, that they could make. 

[00:09:26] And I think I'm almost positive it was like two to three weeks. I'll have to ask him, but I think it was like two to three weeks in.  

[00:09:32] I remember I had just gotten home from work and I was like going from the car into the house and my phone just didn't ring. It just didn't ring. And I remember I was like walking up the stairs and I pulled out my phone and I saw like the Chicago area code. 

[00:09:49] Like I knew it was him. Like I knew it was him. And I remember sobbing. Literally on the stairs, just lost it. I [00:10:00] was like, I cannot believe I just missed this call and I'm almost positive he left me a voicemail, which made me sob even harder. But I was, I was distraught and I was like, my roommate was like, what is going on? 

[00:10:15] Like, I couldn't explain it. Like no one understands like another military spouse, you know, that like, he's fine. He's not hurt, like you would think from the reaction that I had, that like, something was very wrong.  

[00:10:29] Erin: Well, you feel bad because you want them to know that you are there and that you are supportive and like, not only do you miss them, but you also want them to know that you miss them too, but that you can't reach to them. 

[00:10:41] That's so funny that you say that because I was just reading on one of those milspouse subreddits that this girl was really upset because she missed the call from basic. 

[00:10:53] And like, everyone's trying to say, you're not the only one that's done that.  

[00:10:56] Molly: You want to always be available and, you know, [00:11:00] yeah. I was, oh, that was, that was probably my very first memory. And then. My second core memory would probably be at the basic training graduation. And again, I can't remember what award he was given, but he was given an award. 

[00:11:16] And so before, like the. I don't know how, how the, you know, other branches do it, but in the Navy it was inside because it was winter in Chicago. So it was inside this huge building, but prior to them all marching in and doing all of that there, they gave the awards. So the first time I saw him in eight weeks was in this teeny tiny little room. 

[00:11:41] It was the first time I had ever seen him in uniform. And oh, it was, it was like probably a room full of like maybe 20 people. So there were not very many people and his mom and dad were there as well. And I think, I think his brother was there, there too. Yeah. So it was just the four of us.[00:12:00] and he marched in and obviously, he couldn't look at us because he was never given like the parade rest or. 

[00:12:07] The relax. So like you can relax because he was being awarded. But I just, I will always remember him coming in and I was just like, I obviously recognized him, but he was. It was in a way that I had never seen him like so serious and so militant. And I mean, I hadn't seen him at that point in his dress whites. 

[00:12:30] I hadn't seen him in any uniform whatsoever. And so that was kind of like the moment that I was like, oh my gosh, this is, this is our future. And that was, that was a crazy moment. And that was that whole, the whole basic training graduation weekend was a whirlwind because my next core memory was spending think it was like eight hours in the O'Hare airport. He was due to fly to his, a school station that next morning and [00:13:00] they needed everyone at the airport. I think we went to dinner and then he had to report right back. Like he had to go and muster right back. And then like, I was like, well, I literally haven't seen you in eight weeks. 

[00:13:11] Like I'm coming to the airport and sitting with you until your flight. Like, that was our only opportunity to actually be together before he essentially moved across the country. And I don't know when, like at that point we weren't sure when I could go visit him because its a school  

[00:13:25] and everything was so new and he didn't feel like he could ask. 

[00:13:29] So we didn't know the next time we would see each other. And I was just like, okay. So I got up at like midnight. My dad drove me to the airport from our hotel, drop me off at the airport and I got a gate pass and we sat, we ate, we talked, we snuggled, we slept in the, in the upright seats of the airport. 

[00:13:47] For however long we had until he had to board. And until I had to go back. And I'm so glad that we're able to do that because it would have broken my heart. If I only got like an hour with [00:14:00] him, and that's pretty much what we got is like a celebration dinner, and then he had to report back and I was not expecting that. 

[00:14:06] I was expecting that. Like, they'd pretty much let him like come back to the hotel room and hang out for a while. But that was just not the case. But, yeah. And then, other core memories? Oh gosh. The first time I went on a base, I was so nerve wracking.  

[00:14:22] Erin: Oh, me too. Or by yourself, you're driving on it by yourself. 

[00:14:26] And you're like, yeah. Oh, oh, I didn't even tell you. I got  

[00:14:30] Molly: like ma'am. I don't know.?  

[00:14:33] Erin: I got my car searched for the first time. With, with like the dogs and everything. It was just like a routine. I think they were doing them because the president actually came not that long ago. And so I think they were like doubling down on security and stuff like that, but I like you, you don't have anything in your car, like you're not doing anything wrong, but you [00:15:00] feel like you are like, like I had these airmen, The security forces, like with their vests and their dogs. 

[00:15:07] "Ma'am. Can you pull over to the side?" And I pull over to the side and then I get out. Can you open up all your doors? Yes. I can sure absolutely. I'm like, I don't have anything that I would get in trouble for, but you don't like you're sweating because you're just like, this is so official. And then the dogs sniffing everything in your car. 

[00:15:27] I know the dog knows how to do a sandwich in there. Like I know the dog knows how to do his job. It's not going to bark for no reason. Like what if it does, you know, of course it was fine, but that's so funny that you say that. Cause like, yeah, I remember the first time I went on base or, well, it was a post. 

[00:15:44] So first time we went to post the first time and then I'll never forget getting my car searched for the first  

[00:15:49] Molly: time. Yeah. And it was just such a, such a crazy, it's a whole. Honestly, it's like a whole other world. Like on a base, there are [00:16:00] different rules. And I felt like I needed to know everything. And I know we've talked about that. 

[00:16:04] It's like, everyone's new at one point. But like, I really did. It was just so overwhelming when I went on base. Cause then he had to, he was in a school and so like he had to like salute and do certain things when he got onto the barracks. And then there was morning colors and I didn't know that you had to stop, whatever you were doing, it's just, there's so many things. So come into play that after a while you just get so used to them. 

[00:16:30] Erin: And then you're like, well, Fort bliss is one of the largest installations in the country. So it was huge. It was the size of the town, where I'm from,  

[00:16:40] Molly: there's a movie theater here. 

[00:16:42] There's a gas station. There's a grocery store. Like, I dunno what I thought a base was going to be, but it was not what it actually is because we were on a gulf port, which is a, a pretty large Navy base. And that actually, oh gosh, no, we were on Keesler[00:17:00] which is an air force base. And so both very equally as, as large. 

[00:17:06] But yeah, no, we were on a golf board. Yeah. We were on Keesler. Gosh, I say it's a core memory, but again, the details are getting fuzzy. That's okay. So many years ago. But no, and then skipping ahead. I mean, yeah, there are definitely a lot of memories at each base that we went to. I mean, obviously he was at Keesler for a school when we got married and that was, that was a whole, very large core memory is that entire day and weekend that I went. 

[00:17:33] And and then I would say, so you would think like military spouse core memory would be like coming home from deployment, obviously, you know, but when I was thinking about it last night, one memory that stuck with me is actually when he texted me that he was coming home, not necessarily him coming home. 

[00:17:58] I mean, that was obviously [00:18:00] amazing, but him. Like texting me, letting me know, because we didn't have a date for a long time or maybe we did. And we just don't tell me. Yeah.  

[00:18:08] Erin: And even if you, even if you have a date, it moves like you really don't know for  

[00:18:12] Molly: sure. And  

[00:18:15] Erin: it's hard. You can't really talk about it either. 

[00:18:17] Like. Like, you know, I don't, if you are new spouse listening, like there's rules about that kind of stuff. Like you can't, you can't be so excited that you post on Facebook cause that'll prevent them from coming home for weeks,  

[00:18:32] Molly: you know, like yeah. The security issue. If you can, like, if you like post your countdown or, you know, whatever and don't do that. 

[00:18:41] No. Yeah, and yeah, so I think it was the first time. Yeah. Like I remember I was in my apartment. It was like late at night. Cause it was early for him and he got word that he was coming home and he, we had a date. We had a time. We had like [00:19:00] everything and I was just like, oh my gosh, this is finally happening. 

[00:19:03] Cause you know, the last month of deployment is like longer than the entire deployment. 'cause you just waiting for that text. That's like, makes it official, like I'm on the plane or I'm stateside or whatever it is, or, you know, if they're surprising, you, you know, but you know, what's coming, but you just don't know when it's kind of a nervous pregnancy. 

[00:19:21] Oh yeah. Kind of like the end of pregnancy it's coming. And if it's not your first style, do you know what's going to happen, but then you, you just have no idea when. But yeah, so I think both of the times that he. You know, messaged me that he was coming home, but especially his second deployment when I was very heavily pregnant, waiting anxiously to get that text message, his mom was down helping me prepare the house for baby. 

[00:19:47] And we had a shower right before. And I remember I got the text message and I cried in my room for a while. And then I came out and I was able to tell her the good news that he was [00:20:00] coming home and he'd make it home for the birth. That was a, a day that I will never forget ever even more than him actually coming home. 

[00:20:09] That tiny little validation that we were almost positive he was going to be there for the birth. Because I had had no symptoms. Well, I had very little symptoms. I didn't think I was going to go into labor like right then, because I think he, we had like a week notice that it was a potential of him coming home, like next week that he got word. And so, again, still not a date, still not for sure, but like that was better than a month and him getting a plane ticket when I was in labor.  

[00:20:41] Erin: Yeah. It's also like the first wave of safety, in a sense, like the first wave of a safe feeling of like, We got through it, he got through it, we got through it, you know, like it's that first. 

[00:20:53] And then there's the nerves. Cause like, you know, deployments change people, whether, if it's a [00:21:00] small change or a large change, but I remember getting like nervous, like, you know yeah. Are things going to be different? You know, when he gets back or sees me in person again, stuff like that. But you know, I'm glad you brought this up Molly, because I was listening to... we have a dear friend who has a podcast named Dr. John. He's a senior veteran coach at VA claims insider and his podcast, his Doc On The Road. I will definitely post a link to his podcast in our show notes, because I also help him produce that and make sure that his stuff gets on air and stuff. But not only is he a paratrooper was a paratrooper in the army, but he's also a psychologist. He was talking about how it's. Important for vets to remember the good memories for when things get tough or dark and those bad memories start to flood. 

[00:21:58] So, I think it's good for us to [00:22:00] talk about our core memories and yes, there are some bad ones and that's okay. But there are some really good ones. And I always try to remind my husband of that when he's having a tough day in the army, you know, I try to talk about the brothers that he had at Fort Bliss 

[00:22:18] how happy we were with people coming over and spending time together and all the great people that he's met and all the great accomplishments that he's had. 

[00:22:27] And I think us as military spouses we have to do that as well. It can get very tough, especially if you're a spouse right now, and you're going through that deployment. 

[00:22:35] You got to hold onto those good memories to get you through. You got to hold onto that hope and you gotta hold on to the bigger picture. Which can be hard to remember.  

[00:22:46] Molly: Yeah, no, for sure. For sure. It can like, like I mentioned, the last month or two of deployment can feel so long, no matter how you approach it, I feel like [00:23:00] everyone. 

[00:23:01] Just, if you're waiting for something, it's kind of like a, watch a watched pot, you know, it's going to feel a lot longer for that water to boil if you're constantly watching it, then if you're not. It's hard not to think about it, but it will end. It will end eventually they will have your, your service member back home with you. 

[00:23:23] But yeah, stay strong  

[00:23:25] Erin: and get together with your m ilspouse battle buddies and go to lunch together and then talk about what was your favorite moments? What are your core memories? I think it's been good for us to talk about. Cause I, I, you know, I was having a stressful day before getting on with you Molly and I think talking about those core memories is kind of helped pull me out of a funk and will shape the rest of my. 

[00:23:49] Molly: Yeah, for sure. And I actually made a video. My daughter just turned four and for her birthday, I don't know if I mentioned this on podcasts, but she is obsessed with Belle beauty and the [00:24:00] beast Belle is her favorite princess ever. And she has been obsessed with bell probably for two years now. Like she runs around the house acting out different scenes of the movie. She knows every line of the real movie, as well as the animated one. And she just is obsessed. So I said, well, it's fitting that we throw her a beauty and the beast birthday party for her fourth birthday. And it was her first birthday party with friends, cause this is the first year that she's in school. 

[00:24:28] And so her school friends were there and all of them dressed up in princess and their princess gear and their princess dresses. And she of course, was in her Belle dress. And then we surprised her and we hired a princess bell to come and her reaction to Bell was priceless. And I hope it is a core memory for her. 

[00:24:52] And I actually did a video on Tik TOK of her reaction. And I put the inside out core memory [00:25:00] sound behind it and I cannot stop watching, cannot stop watching it. So maybe I'll try and get that video on our, on our feed. It's really fitting, talking about core memories, but yes, that sound effect. The core memory sound effect from inside out is, oh, it literally brings me to, it brings me to tears, but it was one of, one of my core memories, memory moments as a. 

[00:25:25] a parent is like making her feeling like I made her dreams come true. Because Belle came to her birthday party, you know, and it, it was just, I think it will be a core memory for us, both. I hope so. At least. 

[00:25:38] Erin: I love that.  

[00:25:40] Yeah. Make those core memories with your family and your spouse and maybe make that a goal this weekend to either talk to one of your friends or even your spouse about your core memories in the military and being a military family, or try to create a core memory, something really [00:26:00] special and, and do something fun this weekend. 

[00:26:03] Molly: Yeah, I know that I'm going to ask my husband what his core memories are of the service because I'm very curious to see, you know, if he remembers, some of the things that I remember and just looking back at the good stuff, because yeah, it did at the end military life got a lot harder at the end than it, then it started out, but there were so many good memories in the beginning and in between. 

[00:26:25] And so many people that came into our lives that wouldn't have come into our lives. If it weren't for the military, it's important to remember.  

[00:26:32] Erin: Very true. It's an experience that only our community understands. It's a very unique community. I hope that we have sparked some of those memories for you all.  

[00:26:45] Molly: Yeah. And if, if we did feel free to share them with us.  

[00:26:49] Erin: Yeah. 
 

[00:26:50] Molly: we'd love to hear from you.  

[00:26:52] Erin: I get emails all the time. I love responding to them and I sent it to Molly too. 

[00:26:56] And if you were a vet spouse listening, [00:27:00] and your spouse needs help with anything that they might be going through, please message us. Were very connected and we're able to help. 

[00:27:08] So reach out to.  

[00:27:11] Molly: Yeah. And if we're, for some reason, if we can't help, help your situation, we will find a resource for you and point you in the right direction.  

[00:27:20] Absolutely. And with that being said for my house to yours have a great day.  

[00:27:26] Bye everyone.  

[00:27:28] Bye. 
 

[00:27:29] Erin: Mil spouse house is brought to you by VA claims insider let's face it. The VA claims process is a pain, many veterans struggled for years trying to increase their ratings or even get rated at all. Most are not getting the compensation they deserve. Here at VA claims insider we've supported more than 15,000 veterans to win their claims and increase their ratings. 

[00:27:58] Now it's your turn [00:28:00] schedule, your free via claim discovery call with one of our team members. By going to vacifree30.com, linked our show notes, and you'll learn what gaps you need to fill to speed up your claim and increase your rates.