75: Bikini photos: Why are girls posting bikini pics and what should we say about them?

They're everywhere. Tabloid news feeds and social media are awash with photos of girls and women in bikinis, and why not? Women's bodies are beautiful and through antiquity the female form has been admired. 

Yet many parents are deeply uncomfortable with the type of photos being posted, the age of the girls when they do it, and what it all means about them. 

When Sharon asked us to talk about what's going on, and how she can help her daughter think more about her own values, and what she is posting, we knew it was a great topic for us. 

EMOTIONAL EATING HELP:
https://www.helpguide.org/ARTICLES/diets/emotional-eating.htm

RESEARCH:
https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/bikini-selfie
https://her.ie/life/instagram-rule-created-teenagers-beyond-frightening-327076
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66877718 

Transcript

Rachel Richards: 0:02

Hello and welcome to teenagers untangled the audio hub for parents going through the teenage years. I'm Rachel Richards, journalist, parenting coach, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters. Hi there. I'm

Susie Asli: 0:13

Suzy Asli, the mindfulness coach, mindful therapist and musician, and mother of three teenagers two of them are twin.

Rachel Richards: 0:21

Suzy, how do you get a bikini body?

Susie Asli: 0:24

Oh,

Rachel Richards: 0:27

this is a joke. Yeah. So bikini and you put it on your body? Perfect. Perfect. Exactly. Now we've had this message from an Australian listener by Instagram. I'm not going to identify her. But I will read out everything she said. Because I think it's really important and something many of us are going to be struggling with. And parents have sons, please still listen, because actually, this really affects all of us. So she wrote thank you for your time, brilliant research and down to earth chatty style. I have greatly appreciated your podcast in Australia and would love to ask a question around sexualized clothing and images online. My 15 year old shows me what girls are posting, when I questioned her choice of image in a bikini. And quite frankly, I'm horrified. My daughter has very developed curves, but making some choices around push up bras and content, which I feel is hyper sexualized for her age. It's caused many heated discussions and our relationship is breaking my daughter previously dressed well. And we always had a great relationship. She used to listen to guidance, and I feel she made good choices. And all of this has changed so quickly. We're struggling. I listen to your podcast about clothing, but I feel she's too old to play with this sort of dress up stuff anyway. So in this episode, we're going to discuss bikini posts, it'll become obvious why I'm talking about bikini post. We'll talk about social media. And we'll talk about the world in which our girls and boys are actually growing up. And I say that because I think it's critically important that parents of teen boys understand the context so they can talk with their sons, also about what they're seeing. Yeah, really important for boys too. And I shared on my newsletters and graphs in the FT showing how young males and females are diverging in their attitudes greatly. Boys are becoming much more conservative. Girls are becoming much more liberal. And this is kind of, I think they surveyed 18 to 25 year olds or something. And this is seen across the world. It's not in one country. And there's a particular divergence in attitudes in South Korea. So this is this is actually fundamentally important. Right? So let's start with nuggets. Susie

Susie Asli: 2:31

nuggets? Yeah, well, I found myself having been on my own with my kids, since they were tiny, being the main bearer of any worries. And there have been a lot of worries, particularly with one of them, you know, really specific, difficult things. And I found myself falling into the trap of the habit of worrying, you know, the idea that, Oh, everything seems to be okay. Or, and then finding myself there must have something to worry about. And that's it's a real thing as well that I was talking to my partner about something just this morning. And suddenly, I suddenly realised, oh, this doesn't feel very nice. And actually, do you know what? I'm just going to step back for a moment and have a think about? Is this an actual thing? Or am I fitting in something because I need to fit that worry hole somehow? And if that's making any sense, it makes a lot of sense. But we I think we often we often do that we the habits of the norm might not be a great norm or a great thing. But when it changes, we kind of want it back again, because it's familiar.

Rachel Richards: 3:42

Absolutely. I think that's an amazingly good point. And I think we all fall into that trap sometimes where, you know, you get a little bit of calm, and then you think, Wait, I'm supposed to be worrying about something. Yeah. And you fall when you fixate

Susie Asli: 3:54

on something that maybe actually would she's not even alone, picking the scab off.

Rachel Richards: 3:59

Now, I love that. Thank you for that one. Mine is to do with the interview I did last week with Elise rash. And it's to do with eating an intuitive eating. And I had a few bits of feedback from parents going, Oh, this is amazing. But also one saying no, I have to tell my kids what's healthy eating, I have to inform them. And I understand that and I definitely got this wrong. I pushed my ideas and ideals onto my daughters. In terms of healthy eating. I've studied nutritional therapy. I've spent a lot of time worrying about all of this because I come from a background of really poor attitudes towards eating a very strong diet culture that never worked. Nobody ever got thin or stay thin. And I would say that the net impact was that you know, the one who took it on ended up taking it on too hard and the one who didn't like it rebelled heavily and anytime that she He was out of my sight shared by, you know, McDonald's. Yeah. So I don't I honestly don't think us pushing our own values onto our kids will work. And I can't help thinking that we need to take get a new approach to food. That's to do with intuitive eating is the thing that fixed me completely when I stopped and I thought, I'm going to just listen to my body and eat when I'm ready to eat now, am I hungry? No, I'm not hungry. Am I hungry? No, no. And then I waited right and thought, Wait, this is awful. I mean, what how long am I going to have to wait until I'm hungry. And it just completely transformed my relationship with food, because I ate when I was hungry, and I noticed and then I only ate what I wanted to eat. So you stop having all these rebellious feelings about food. But more than that, you start to have joy about food, we need to actually treat it as a joyous occasion. You come together you eat, and you eat slowly and in and you appreciate it.

Susie Asli: 5:53

Yeah. And we panic, don't we, when our kids are not eating, especially when they're little and we think they need to be. But it's letting them listen to their bodies. I used to ask mine when they were little, obviously can't do it when they're teenagers. But, you know, what do you want to eat? What's your head telling you? And what does your body I love that and your head is probably going ice cream, chocolate sweets, and put your body will if you really listen, it will give you a different answer. And they kind of get it. Yeah, I do get it

Rachel Richards: 6:20

now. Actually, it's very hard. And I think that the I think there are so many mixed messages and lots of shame about body and size. And there's so much obesity and concern about health. So I just but I do think just reducing it all to coming back to what how does your body actually feel about food is so much more healthier, mindfully and it's a good way of getting through it? Yeah. You have a review for us?

Susie Asli: 6:42

I do. It is called a lovely five star review from finding a community. I absolutely love this episode. So many great nuggets, curiosity of a judgement will apply to finding why my teenage bonus son is doing a bare minimum at school and trying to build stronger relationship with Him. The importance of community and that everything works out in the end. I had to leave a lovely community when the girls were little and I haven't found another one yet. Well, actually, I did yours. Thank you. Oh, that's so lovely. Well, from wellbeing journaling from Instagram. Thank you so much. It's such it's such a beautiful

Rachel Richards: 7:15

thing to say. And that's exactly what we're trying to do. You're all in our community. Let's do this together. None of us and he's getting it right all the time. The fact you're listening makes you a great parent, however, how about that? How

Susie Asli: 7:26

about that? And you know, we need a village and our village is changed. This is now our village. Yes,

Rachel Richards: 7:31

yes. Now coming back to our listener whose daughter is posting provocative bikini shots. She actually sent up a follow me follow up message saying I just wish I could unpack why there is such a desire to conform with young girls. And we talked about this her daughter had moved six months ago school. So that will have an impact. And we talked about friendship groups and in Episode 10, and the pressure of being in a group and needing to fit in so that will definitely have an impact. Yes,

Susie Asli: 8:01

moving is this can be really tricky for Yes, yes as teenagers. So

Rachel Richards: 8:06

I since she sent this message had been asking everybody who will talk to me about it, what their thoughts are about and I've done quite a bit of research online. And I want to start with context because our girls are growing up online in a world where they're seeing things that will impact on their understanding of what is normal and acceptable. So context. There is a non stop stream of pictures in tabloids and social media of women in bikinis. And the comments like what I did was I did a quick search of comments in tabloids about it, which I work with so this shows off how incredible for him shows off her svelte figure turns up the heat and fluence her insane bikini body shows off her curves in a plunging white bikini. These are the comments made by in the papers by journalists when they're posting these pictures. Yeah. So it's giving these photos a spin. Yeah. A Vogue writer actually talked about this and she said taking a swimwear selfie has become an integral part of modern holidaying experience. At least that's how it feels. If you're on social media. Yes. Now, the issue is that not everybody is doing it is a political thing. So for example, the very beautiful Amanda Holden, she's a woman is very well known in the UK shared a photograph of herself in a black bikini on holiday. And Andrew Tate responded, You are a wife and a mother and your father, Pastor teenager there is no need for this post. Well, he's making the assumption about why she's posting. Right. Yeah, I noticed on Instagram that a woman who'd had children posted a photo of herself trying on a simple black swimming costume and she's a very positive poster. Yeah, there were lots of responses and one word that stood out was That's disgusting. No one wants to see that. And the American Actor Jonah Hill allegedly sent a text to his ex girlfriend who's a surfer saying she shouldn't share photos of herself in a swimsuit on social media because it went against his boundaries. Okay, she's a surfer. So so the reason I'm saying it's a political thing is that there's an element of women saying, you know, this is my body. This is who I am. I'm doing this for me and men looking at it going.

Susie Asli: 10:22

shouldn't be so.

Rachel Richards: 10:24

Yes. It's very interesting. When you start digging, and a team perspective, I spoke to one particularly articulate team because I thought, let's find out what teenagers actually think. And this girl is in her mid teens. I said, How do you feel about girls posting bikini shots? She said, You have to feel okay about it. If you don't, you'd walk around feeling horrible the whole time because it's everywhere. Interesting. I said, What do you think of the girls who post? She said I don't judge, they can do what they want. Although certain posts make me cringe or feel sorry for the girl because it looks like she's trying too hard. Is your opinion different depending on the body of the girl? And she said no, because there is really only one body type that ever gets shown. People don't post bikini shots unless they fit within a very, very tight band of what your body should look like. I asked why do you think they post those pictures? And she said, because they want to show how powerful they are? Because they have that body. Other girls then sort of look up to them, because the boys give them lots of likes and attention. And it's about social cachet.

Susie Asli: 11:31

Yeah, social capital. Isn't it having a beautiful body? Yes. And

Rachel Richards: 11:35

I said, So do you think they're doing it for the boys or for the girls? And she said, Well, is because the boys will give them lots of likes and attention, which then gives them social status and power. So ultimately, I do think it's for the boys. So that's just one one girl's perspective, but I thought it was very insightful, and gave us a lot to think about.

Susie Asli: 11:53

And are these pictures of her friends like people here? Or she's in general, just

Rachel Richards: 11:58

people in general, everything. Because we're surrounded by I also 13 year old because she's just gone up to school. And she visibly squirmed. And she said, Well, if it was someone my age, that would be weird. Yeah. And she said if it's a 15 year old, okay, maybe. And. And I think it's really interesting, because I have my daughter's did when they first went up to senior school, show me pictures of girls in their age group who were 13, who were posting these shots, who all fit it fit into that time. But they felt very uncomfortable about them. So what do we think? Now? I asked her a woman in her mid 20s? Because that's a good, good because these are the girls who started out on social media. They were kind of the the frontline of the social media wave when you get to late 20s. They weren't really it wasn't really there yet. No. So it's very interesting to hear their perspective. So she said, Um, can I just add, she actually has the body of a model. So that will skew the way she looks at things. She says I would never judge what someone else wants to pose unless it's harmful. It's not really any of my business. If we're talking about 13 year olds taking suggestive, come ahead photos and posting them on an open platform, then yes, I think that's problematic. If however, we're talking about women uploading photos of themselves in bikinis or more explicit outfits, that is where I take issue with the shame often associated and perpetrated. And she said, usually by other women, I personally love to see when a person embraces and loves their body and feels comfortable in sharing it, I think it's an outdated opinion that women should feel they need to cover up or hide themselves. Interesting, interesting, and that their bodies are interpreted as sexual, rather than that they're just doing this because it's empowering. Yeah,

Susie Asli: 13:49

those are two very, very different things, aren't they? And the judgement is very much based on those two positions. Yes.

Rachel Richards: 13:55

The Vogue writer explicitly said, you can only post if you're a size eight, she was a size eight. I don't think it's just a size eight, but you know, small. Yeah. And so who, like, well, this is what they're saying. So this is very interesting, because this is when you because there are unwritten rules. And I'm just trying to lay this out. Because if you're looking at girls and thinking, I don't understand why they're doing this, you need to understand the world through their lens. We need to hear what they're saying. And they're thinking, whether it's right or wrong, you need to understand. I spoke to a woman who said she'd seen her daughter posting bikini selfies in front of a mirror and she's mortified because she said, It's all about showing off and getting attention. I can't I just can't bear it. It makes me embarrassed. But her daughter is older. So she said it's not my choice. You can do what she wants. And some people said, Well, you could say there being attention seeking but then everybody's looking for attention if they're on social media. That's what's

Susie Asli: 14:53

tricky, isn't it? And it's clearly triggering us. So we first and foremost, always comes back to why is it triggering you so much. Until you've sorted that out, you actually are kind of a bit see as to how you manage it. Yes. Because if it's really triggering you because you have stuff about you know, your own body or what you think is appropriate, or all of that stuff, any of it your own family stuff, then then you're not going to be able to even know what you think about your daughter. Yes. It's really important to unpack that first. Yes.

Rachel Richards: 15:25

The Vogue writer said it's a way of claiming ownership over something that often feels like it belongs to someone else. Yeah. Studies have found that the pleasure centres in teenagers brains respond to the reward of getting those likes on Instagram, exactly as they would when they think about sex or money is a powerful big boost. Yes. And other people say, Well, what let them be proud of themselves, let them be confident, let them feel beautiful and validated. Why not? So we'll go into this. And why not?

Susie Asli: 15:51

very multilayered isn't? Why not? Why not? Because they were lucky. Well, yes, it has an impact. Yes. Digital, still all online now? Yes.

Rachel Richards: 16:00

So they have little choice about being on social media and I and the reason I say that, I know that some parents are great at holding their kids back, then they're in the minority. I did not I didn't say you can't go on social media. But I really discuss with my girls, the whole concept of being on social media, and they're completely held back. But then my daughter one day, I think I've mentioned this before, he said to me, you know, I feel like I don't exist if I post on social media, because that's where everything's happening. So the problem is, so yes, it's like a social suicide. If you're not, you

Susie Asli: 16:30

can be a particular way on social media. I guess, the whole point of

Rachel Richards: 16:34

it. That's the question. So Natalie, who lives in Holland said, my girls are 13 and 15. Their accounts are private, I know everyone on them. They're very careful of what they share. But once they're 18, they can do what they like, I just want to stop there for a second. Because I was talking to a woman who works in HR. And I mentioned this and she said, huh, yeah, people think their accounts are private, I'm going to tell you now, when people come in for a job, I get every single one of them and say, you have to sign this form, if you want to proceed with this job application, so that we can look through your social media accounts. And she said, and we can see everything, we can see who you followed, we can see. And she said we come back with this massive dossier of everything they've been doing. And she said, I can't tell you the amount of times I've seen things I also where they've, they've liked something. And when you've looked into the detail, it's it's misogynistic, homophobic, whatever. She said, we look at those things. And if there's something that's a red flag, we will go back to them say we can't we can't proceed with this application. Wow. So it's not private. And the I spoke to a friend in America who was hiring and he was when he got down to the last week, candidates, he loved this woman, he thought she was amazing. He was so excited to have her on board. They did that. And there was a big red flag. And he said, we couldn't hire her. And I said, What was it? He said, I can't divulge. And I said, What did you tell her? And he said, No, because I'll get sued. So you might say it's a

Susie Asli: 18:08

first house, city and just weirdly searching occasionally, if you're bored to an AM, I

Rachel Richards: 18:13

think, I think you're searching It's okay. I think if you start liking things, okay, then you might be willing. We all think we're sort of private. And, you know, if you're behind a wall, it's gonna be fine. You don't understand that. If you want to be in a position of seniority in the future, this could well impact it. Is that right? I don't know. No, probably not. But Is there truth? And there? Yeah. So I think we need to understand,

Susie Asli: 18:38

and what platform just sitting here but curiously for my own kids, what platforms are these? Because mine don't seem to, you know, they're not really interested in Instagram anymore. It's all on Snapchat, which disappears. And I know that's very problematic, and we've discussed that as well. But are we talking we do

Rachel Richards: 18:55

all of all of Tik Tok Instagram, I mean, wherever wherever they are having a post wherever they are. The Vogue writers said that she had broken up with her partner and said, I felt like I should put it bikini shot up there because I was participating in some sort of obligatory marketing campaign Hello, I'm the new product on the shelf who wants to cry? And she said it's a routine that's been well established. Right? You break up with someone feel sad post a thirst trap feel better? Wow. Interesting. Right. So So there's also so there's that so now there's also the sense of is this a good use of my time? And I bring that up because the logistics of taking one of these photos shouldn't be underestimated. So I mean, do you take it in a bedroom? Have you got a messy room behind you? I see some light lighting, lighting. Exactly. And trying to get the right lighting and editing

Susie Asli: 19:42

on clothes in h&m and know.

Rachel Richards: 19:46

Exactly, and the whole thing is the lighting will completely transform you lately and you have to not look like you've tried too hard. needs to look effortless. A friend of mine came back from South Africa and she said she'd been at camps Bay and A gaggle of girls arrived she said it was the most beautiful setting. And they all got onto the rocks. And they spent a good hour posing, taking selfies. No one looking like they were really having a lot of fun. And then they left. And she said, I just thought, what a waste of life. This is so depressing. Yeah,

Susie Asli: 20:19

get in the pool, go have

Rachel Richards: 20:22

fun. Why not try living instead? So I think I think they've, they're very

Susie Asli: 20:26

trapped, trapped. And it's we've talked about this a few times, and haven't we, it's, it's social capital. It's like what to be a teenager to be a teenage girl, you want to fit in, and you want to be liked. And you want to assess and social capital is very much how you look, sadly, whether you like it or not, and having a bikini body gets attention, then it gets your dopamine and effects and all of that it's kind of important. And if

Rachel Richards: 20:49

you're feeling a bit left out, and you suddenly you go, Oh, I won the lottery I got, yeah, then you can post that. And somehow you you then have become elevated with no other things involved. And

Susie Asli: 20:59

you've got great boobs. Yeah.

Rachel Richards: 21:03

And so so then the next question is, what are women being told about what's acceptable? And Natalie pointed out, I'm sick of women being told pretty equals worth. And then also being told to cover up, you know, all these double standards, and she says we should regulate the boys. The other mid 20s woman said, I agree, I think the more constructive approach is to tackle the issue of men's behaviour online, rather than censoring what women can and can't post 100%

Susie Asli: 21:30

I celebrating the women who are maybe look a bit different? Yes, thank God, because it's a narrative, isn't it, there is a narrative out there that goes, it doesn't matter what you look like, it's what's inside, it's your brains, etc. So there is a strong narrative out there, which is slowly pushing forward, and then being pushed back and then coming forward, and then being pushed back. But really, genuinely celebrating those women who offer something different, who are genuinely celebrated, because they've done something extraordinary with their brains, or they have their unbelievable artist or musician or, or something that they have done that is amazing. And they look maybe slightly different, or they don't fit the criteria of the bikini body, and genuinely celebrating them. And I think the more of them there are out there, the more that we'll have, the quicker they will filter through.

Rachel Richards: 22:18

And I love that. And I think it's really important when we're talking to our teens, to celebrate the other things that they are. The other thing, you are not a body with boobs, that needs to be flaunted. You are so many other things. The problem is when they're teenagers, they're searching for those other things. Oh,

Susie Asli: 22:35

yeah. And it comes back to that quote that my kids roll their eyes out when you look amazing, darling. And it's the least least interesting thing about you. And I love that quote.

Rachel Richards: 22:48

And it's very interesting, because Taylor Swift made this point, she said, I don't feel great when I'm fed messages that it's more important to be edgy and sexy and cool. And she said, girls are being fed these messages by the popular popular cliques at school. And that's all cascading down from the media and what we seem to prioritise in women. And she said, My life doesn't gravitate around those things. She said, I'm imaginative, yes, smart, and hardworking. But those values aren't necessarily what's celebrated and what culture not at that point, because Because the truth is, she's an immensely successful. But, you know, she's offering other things anyway, Mel comments. On this topic, I do think slightly less of people who post bikini pictures on Instagram. A lot of my self absorbed and insecure friends do it. Like you can be proud of your body and love your body. But going around flaunting it to everyone is a bit kind of over the top. Another one said if every other picture on her feed is a bikini picture. I'll read that as her having nothing to say about her life. Other than that she's attractive, which comes across his shadow in vain. Again, it's and then someone else said, social media shouldn't be that serious.

Susie Asli: 23:58

We care what these people

Rachel Richards: 24:00

like, do we can they quiet? Like, do we care about

Susie Asli: 24:03

somebody having an opinion about someone else posting? Yeah, no.

Rachel Richards: 24:07

But the point is like, if you are posting it, then you you can't you want something but what do you want? What do you want? And if your focus

Susie Asli: 24:15

shouldn't be on those, it should be on supporting them elsewhere in life, like we just spoke about getting away from that not stop trying to fix the problem by fixing that problem, but by supporting their lives in other areas. And then suddenly the bikini the whole bikini issue just get smaller? Yes, naturally

Rachel Richards: 24:34

this one guy said I don't think less of her but I do think differently of her and I'd be much more likely to try and discuss sexual topics with her.

Susie Asli: 24:46

And so we need to have awareness of that. Don't we need to know that and actually fallen into that thinking that it feels good and it's the right thing to do because everyone else is doing it, give them alternatives.

Rachel Richards: 24:56

And one mother I spoke to said I wouldn't be happy with my daughter, I've absolutely said no way, at your age. She's 15. She said, Because I don't think she's ready for the kind of response she'll get. Because she will get people saying mean things about her or she'll get people saying sexual things about her or to her. And she said, she's not ready.

Susie Asli: 25:17

And we have to be careful how we do that, don't we? Because it can really, really easily feel really shameful for the girls apps. If we go. Don't do that. That's an awful thing to do. Why are you putting your boobs out there kind of thing, or your bikini or whatever it is you're doing. And then suddenly, they have this awful kind of hand over mouth feeling of oh, that's all you no shame. And your body's absolutely not where you want to go with it. I complete, we need to really emphasise that they are beautiful. However, they look like however they look in a bikini. They're beautiful and wonderful. And maybe posting, it's not the best thing to do. And like really separating the two things. Yeah.

Rachel Richards: 25:53

And I want to give a shout out for the flip side. So we've got these gorgeous girls with these amazing bodies, posting pictures. And they're being seen by whoever is a friend of theirs, or whoever sees it, who will take it in whatever spirit they take it. Most of the women I speak to actually say I don't mind I don't I or some of the older women say I wish I didn't mind I'm trying not to. But I spoke to another woman with a daughter who's progressively put on weight, and she feels worse and worse about herself. And because she doesn't fit into this ideal. Yeah. And so I got this horrible sense that there are these girls who feel good about themselves, and they're posting and we're really happy for them. And then there were all the spectators who are sitting on the sidelines feeling worse and worse about themselves. Yeah. And I find that really upsetting. Yeah. And that's the reason why I would feel uncomfortable not to do with whether that girl should or shouldn't show her. It's actually the impact it has on the other people and the normalisation of a certain type of body. And the thing about the people who do post photos, who do have a different type of body is they have to write, you know, I'm it's a political thing, I'm happy with my body, they kind of have to shout about it. Because otherwise people will go, Well, who are you? Like, what? Like, you're not, why'd you do that, like that poor woman got this awful response from people. I mean, you're probably going to get a response anyway. And you have to be ready for that onslaught. And I'm so admiring of people who are prepared to put themselves out there to try and change that narrative.

Susie Asli: 27:31

Yeah, there is a big, big wave out there isn't there are people trying to change that narrative, which is really beautiful, and really important, but it's the minority. And they do have to shout loudly about it.

Rachel Richards: 27:42

They have to shout loudly about it. And I think what parents can do, be compassionate, use it as an opportunity to ask your girls and boys to actively think about what what's going on, create speed bumps by saying, so show them photos and say, Well, what do you think? Because they'll look and go, Oh, it's fine. But just say know what I mean, genuinely, what do you think is the intention behind that posting of that photo? Is there? What are they saying to you? The need behind it? What's the need behind it? If you are going to post that photo? What are you doing? Why? And it's not that you shouldn't? It's that what be intentional about everything you do? Say? Ask them to show you what they think is a good example, a good post, and what isn't a good example why. And it's about helping them to start thinking more clearly about what they think. How do these posts make you feel? How does this post make other people feel? What are the rules amongst your friends? Do you have what do you know what they do people feel that there are right and wrong ways to be online? And just be meaningful in every post just before you put something up? Just seeing what's behind? What's

Susie Asli: 28:56

the need? Why What do we need to get out of this? And there can be different ways that that can't know because there's a short term need and that's kind of a knee jerk. Or I want I want to feel better immediately. I need that dopamine rush and I feel a bit bad today like the you know, break the breakup, for example. You go posting a bikini I need I need to feel better. That's a knee jerk and very understandable human reaction, but it's a it's a short term fix. This hurts helped me with it. Or there might be a long term need, I want you know, it's more strategic or something else. But what is your need? And is it a? Is it a knee jerk reaction? Or is it something you've actually thought through?

Rachel Richards: 29:31

And I think once you identify that need, you've got something you can work with. So you can say all the other ways you feel that other other things you could be doing that would make you feel happier long term rather than just a short term.

Susie Asli: 29:44

And I think in general, celebrating Women's bodies is absolutely beautiful, beautiful and wonderful way to go. And and to be honest, when I've seen posts, I get the impression that most women and most girls maybe teenagers are unbelievably Lovely to each other. Yes, yes, they somebody posts something and then there's like a barrage of Oh you look great. How are you? It's beautiful and all of those beautiful comments Yes, which is really lovely. So for most of them it's really lovely but obviously that doesn't work out well for all of them. So there is like the idea of celebrating is beautiful but it has to be done with intention with intention.

Rachel Richards: 30:22

That's pretty much it. If you found this useful, please send it to at least one person or share it on social media.

Susie Asli: 30:29

Not wearing a bikini.

Rachel Richards: 30:33

We love reviews we love hearing from you. We read everything Don't be CCD. If you suggest an idea we will cover it just be patient we will get to you because sometimes things get bumped up the way you know my to do list. Shout a bit louder and you can find all of our episodes on www.teenagersuntangled.com and also sign up for my newsletters. Suze you've been doing some really excellent reels on social media. Thank you very much. woking rails, yes. And I'm very much enjoying them not

Susie Asli: 31:03

in my bikini. Just to be clear. No, never, they will never be in my bikini just to be clear as well.

Rachel Richards: 31:13

And seems to do a lot with business teams helping them work together better because that's one of the things about mindfulness, it's communication.

Susie Asli: 31:21

Learning how to calm down and do all those lovely things.

Rachel Richards: 31:25

So where can you be reached Susie, on my website

Susie Asli: 31:27

is the best place to find me and then you can find all the different things within that. And that is www dot a mindful hyphen life.co.uk

Rachel Richards: 31:37

and that is in the podcast notes too. I just wanted to also mention that I will put in the podcast notes. A an article I found on emotional eating that I thought was excellent because it's another one of the eating issues. So I'll put them in the bottom. Don't forget to hit the Follow button so you don't miss a thing. Big hug from us. Bye for now. Bye bye