Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted.
Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life.
Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy.
Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted.
Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life.
Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy.
Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Rachel Richards:
Hello and welcome to teenagers untangled the audio hug for parents going through the teenage years. I'm Rachel Richards, journalist, parenting coach, mother of two bonus daughters and two teens.
Susie Asli:
Hi there. I'm Susie Asli mindfulness coach, mindful therapist, musician and mother of three teenagers, two of them are twins.
Rachel Richards:
Now we've done lots of episodes on how to cope with all sorts of parenting dilemmas. And in Episode 36, we talked about the pressures of parenting and ways to reduce stress, which is really important, really, but I've been thinking about how important it is to find ways in which we can have more fun. Absolutely. And I was seem to, I seem to remember talking about ways to stay close to your teens back back, back back. I don't even remember when we did that. But we did do that. Something on that. But anyway, the years are short. We're on the homestretch. You're in your me sort of getting a minor kind of halfway through the teen years. Yeah. And I think just getting that bond revved up can be really rewarding. And if you're starting out, it might be nice to hear that it's not all awful. Yes. We're in the middle of it. So let's, I just thought we'd be nice to hear from listeners. And my goodness, you guys have really come up trumps. We've had a great response. Great. Yes, great topics. So often,
Susie Asli:
it's a little bit doom and gloom, isn't it? Or what what should we avoid now? What's what's going to ruin our kids? Now? What are we all doing wrong? And it's really nice to look at the fun bits. just
Rachel Richards:
spot on that whole thing where I think there's too much fear that we're not really doing this right, somehow. And that we need to have some grace for ourselves. Because when we're kind to ourselves and go, you know, what is not? It's not really that disastrous, and then we can be kinder to other people.
Susie Asli:
You know, I found myself avoiding Doom stories around teenagers. I just go away like that.
Rachel Richards:
Yeah. Oh, just switch it off, switch it off, don't have to talk about these things. Nuggets, if you've got a nugget,
Susie Asli:
I have my nugget is I really love kind of observing my kids when they are with other people. I think it's really lovely. And I've had the opportunity to do that recently, just in little tiny, you know, fleeting moments. Because we're all different when we're with different people, aren't we, that's the nature of being human, especially in the family, where they're safe space, hopefully. But we've had my nephew's girlfriend staying with us for a few weeks, and my daughter and her get on really well. And they haven't had much opportunity to hang out because she's had marks. And you know, this girl's doing a placement, boring logistics anyway, they had an evening together. And I disappeared into another room because I could kind of feel that, you know, they maybe needed a little evening alone, and the laughter and the mucking around and I could kind of hear some of it because it was also when I was still in the room. She was just so light and funny. And just thinking, oh my gosh, that's how she is with her friends. And I've also seen that in things. It's that, you know, the classic when you're in the car driving them, and if you're quiet enough, and there enough of them, and the journey is long enough, they sort of forget you're there. Oh, that's the best. That is so fun. And then you hear them. You hear the banter and you hear the relationships and who's the one that mocks about and who's the one that gets? I just love all of that. And then you know, seeing them with other adults. It's just, it's kind of it's really fun to see how they blossom with other people. And also, it's reassuring. It's like, Oh, my goodness, they function
Rachel Richards:
they can talk to other people.
Susie Asli:
Work in the world. Yeah, it's funny. It's so lovely. And we have a fine relationship. It's not that it's just, it's just different. It's just Israel blessing to take a step back and watch it I deliberately watch it.
Rachel Richards:
And I was used to like being the fun car. So I'd say Oh, I say to everybody or scoop up your kids, because I that exactly that I used to like hearing them all chatting together and I share lifts with another mother and she will often say, Oh, you get the chance to listen to them this time. Yeah, that was a really spot on I love that. My nuggets. It's actually about someone who contacted me and the mother has a daughter at school, which seems to have a problem with vaping. She's this is how she puts it and she says the daughter's entire friendship group beeps and she feels like nothing's really be done at school about it. And she's She explained the situation where her daughter had gone to a film with these this friendship group that she's got that all vape but her daughter doesn't be and afterwards they all said, right, it's your turn to go and buy some vapes because we will in she said, Why don't vape so why don't and it turned into a big tussle. That was potentially dangerous. And the mother was really upset about this. And she said she was going to intercede the headmaster could I give her some advice. And it was a really interesting one because, you know, it made me think again about our conflict management episode and how important it is to try and when you're going in and talking to a headmaster or a teacher or anybody to use that sort of LUFU They listen until they feel understood. But I said to her, it's not just about that group, though, is it because actually, in that particular scenario, I've had these situations where my child has been put into a difficult position, because this will happen, where other people are doing things, and you don't want your child to be doing them. And the child frankly, doesn't want to either. And it's about giving them coping techniques. So I, I taught my kids that you need to ring fence some relationships where, for example, when she went out with those girls went to a film, what she could have done was say, Oh, I've got to go home straight after. So that's because she knows that that's the when it's after it, when they're all hanging out in the street, that they're going to end up wanting to go and get vapes. So it's about this. And this is a skill that we all need in our relationships generally, where we've all got friends, where you really like certain things about those friends, but there are other things that aren't quite what you want. And being able to find ways of managing that relationship and saying, Yeah, I mean, you can actually just say, I don't want to Yeah, I'm not good. It can be very challenging for a teenager to do that. And again, with the with the drinking, I told my daughter when she said I didn't want to drink. She's got friends who drink and I said, most people don't care if you don't drink. What they care about is they don't want to be judged. Yeah. So if you just say, oh, you know, actually really want some water right now. Yeah, make it a positive, or I do you know what I really I actually want to Coke, I don't want I don't want any alcohol, and I'm really dehydrated. Just make it something where it just
Susie Asli:
becomes judgement, that's really good. That's really good advice. Not making a judgement, yes.
Rachel Richards:
And it just just these are, these are moments where we can teach our kids these skills, because it's hard. It's classic. It's classic peer pressure. Um, so use those opportunities when you get them. Now coming back to this having fun with your kids. One of the things I saw was Gino de campo, who's just a celebrity in the UK, who had gone on heart FM, which is a radio station and said, I don't really like children isn't oops. And he went on to say, I don't do children's stuff. I don't like the glitter stuff and the bigger painting and what he was people who say, Oh, that's really, but actually what he was trying to say was I didn't really like doing the things that young girls that presumably he's come across want to do. And it made me think that's not that you don't like children is that you don't like doing that stuff? And I think, yeah, I think he's a really sort of modern idea of parenting that you're supposed to be playing with your children all the time. It's weird, isn't it? Because my parents didn't play with me. I mean, I would have liked them to play cards with me or ball when I was bored, but it's not. It's not. It's a strange concept, because you're still the parent.
Susie Asli:
And the judgement in that is like you're a bad parent, because you don't like glitter. Okay.
Rachel Richards:
Yeah, and if I can, I think it's actually one of the things that can put parents off, dare I say, dads where they think, Well, I can't relate. I don't I don't really want to do that and be really good. Yeah. And you can be a fantastic you a great parent. But so I think we need to let ourselves off the hook and think you don't have to constantly be doing stuff that suits them. The answer is what can we do? That makes all of us feel? Yeah, we're having a good time together. 100%.
Susie Asli:
Because what we what the energy we bring to the room, the relationship the family is is essential. And if we're not enjoying the activity, then we're not going to ripple out to very good energy. Oh. So I think the mucking about is massively undervalued activity. Yes. Yeah. I like we have a lot of fun in our house. I think. Everyone My agree, we do we make about a lot. But it's the little moments not so much. We do like a big fan activity, which we will do occasionally. But I don't know, do we do many of them? Probably, but not so much. It's the little moments, it's sitting having dinner and mocking mucking about, you know, putting each other's legs in a gentle kind of silly way. I tell awful jokes all the time. And they groan and roll their eyes, but it's just silly, like silliness is really undervalued. Like we have to be terribly serious. And have you done your homework? And have you got your stuff ready and all of that we also do that because otherwise it's chaos, isn't it? But I think the little tiny moments of mucking about are so important because they send an energy to the next activity the next hour the next
Rachel Richards:
day and shows them that they're valued for just being who they are. Yeah, rather than whether they've done their homework or we like you now or whether they've cleared up you know, it's just that you just like being with them
Susie Asli:
and turning everything on everything but turning things into something light hearted without it being crass or, you know, you're not hearing or seeing them that's that's hard. But if you know, for example, when my kids come home from school every day, if I'm there and I yeah, I'm not always there, but if I am there, I'll kind of stand at the door like really expected me for hug and make a silliness of it and come on. And then my son will often just pick me up and kind of put me on the sofa. And it's, it's just silly, it probably sounds really stupid, but it's just silliness.
Rachel Richards:
I think I was thinking about this, because I think when I became a parent, I took it very seriously, because I knew that I didn't like what my parents had done. And I wanted to be good at it somehow. And I think I'd come from a very competitive, highly driven environment. And, and they and you kind of want to know that you're doing the right. Yeah. And I think, I think it's stepping back a little bit from that and going, you know, hard that not every single moment of every day is about whether your kids are achieving or not, in fact, it should be the other
Susie Asli:
way around. Yes. If, and I actually noticed it, and because I, you know, I meditate daily and I'm kind of, I think I'm quite aware of the vibes in the house. Maybe could be wrong. Like I noticed, mine are doing exams soon. And, you know, there's, there's stuff on there weighing on them that, you know, they're not terribly stressed about it, but they're happening, you know, and that's the thing for them. And they're less chirpy, they're less, you know, that's it's boring, revision is boring. And I noticed and I thought, oh, maybe maybe there's something I can do. And it's just little tiny tweaks. It's how you walk into the room. It's how you how you say, Good morning. Rather than have you done your coursework, have you? You know, I do that too. And then you kind of catch yourself in that, have you done it, we've done it. And my my youngest boy, particularly, he responds really badly to come on up yet. And he's always late, and he's always forgotten stuff. And he's always late with his work and stuff. So it's also real, like, I wouldn't be being a good parent if I didn't also chase him on those things. But it's, you know, it's also trying to not make everything boring or drag. Yeah. And
Rachel Richards:
I think the permission to chase them, it needs to be gained beforehand. I, I said to my daughter, you know, where do you need? Where do you need exactly this? So you create boundaries. And then you say, by the way, you said, you want me to do this? So here we are. Here's your call. Here's a call.
Susie Asli:
And yes, I did drive off without you again this morning. You weren't ready.
Rachel Richards:
I love it. So I put I put this out on various social media outlets. I'm on quite a few and I just wrote helped me out. What's the best thing for you about parenting a teenager? And what do you do with them? That you really enjoy? Barbara? Sorry, completely stumped. Oh, Barbara. You sound like you need a hug Barbara. A Stedman. FPW. Massage. Still thinking carob 31 Hardly anything with my teenage daughter, unfortunately.
Susie Asli:
Well, I think also, going back to this idea that it's fleeting moments. So we don't do many Lego, big fun activities. Yes. Because, you know, it's trying to herd cats. Yeah. We dwell occasionally. Like, we're going to the cinema tomorrow, which is lovely. But we haven't done that for a while. It's the fleeting moment. So when we are asked, What do you do? That's fun. Maybe the obvious answer well, nothing. Maybe they're not recognising that actually. There was a little Yes,
Rachel Richards:
I like sprayed you with toothpaste. Were you? Yes. And that came up. There's a book by Abigail try, which is out at the moment called Bad therapy. And it I think it's the subtitle is why kids aren't growing up. And one of the things that she mentions in it is this, if you ask anybody, if they're happy, at any moment in the day, the majority of those moments, they may not say they're happy, like how do you feel? You'll say, Well, I'm tired or I'm stressed, I'm rushing or you're not joyous. And actually this sense that we should be makes you think, Oh, well, what's wrong with me? Nothing's wrong with you. It's normal. It's normal. It's very rare but actually just try and find those moments and when you when you have them they call them glimmers don't they limit as you notice them? Just a
Susie Asli:
nice moment there. That was good. And sitting on the floor with with the dog with your teen. Yes, two minutes is really fun. Oh, I do and that is a fun activity, isn't it? But maybe it's not recognised as?
Rachel Richards:
Yes, stinky dog breath. Yeah, that's
Susie Asli:
not the funding.
Rachel Richards:
And Dr. Katrina said she's just gets her joy from embarrassing her teenagers endlessly. 100 know what I did the other day, we were walking down the train. And this made me think about the manners one that I did recently. And my daughter was with me, and we walked by this past this man who had his shoes on the chair in front of him. And I just said really loudly shoes it was affected. So
Susie Asli:
funny. I have rules when we go shopping. I have a list of rules I'm not allowed to do I really? Only my daughter my son can care less. Oh, he won't compress them. Buttons.
Rachel Richards:
Yes. Like they give me the rules and I just deliberately Oh, totally.
Susie Asli:
So I'm not allowed to dark because I go to the shopping centre. There's always music and I always just find myself moving dancing and singing along
Rachel Richards:
in music everywhere.
Susie Asli:
Musician. I'm not allowed to sing dance, touch. That's so funny. It's really funny. There's a whole list of them. And we went away for a weekend just me and her and I said, No, we're in a foreign country now, do those rules still apply? Like you don't know anyone here? She's like, yep.
Rachel Richards:
And that's, you know, again, I remember doing that with my, my parent, I forget which one it was when we would drive up to the boss that I had to catch. And I would actually pretend I was trying to find something on the floor so that people wouldn't see me. They will. Rather than have lots of messages just read one after the other. I put them into categories. So one of them was seeing them grow, which really Oh, I thought was lovely. So it was Sherry grant. Watching them thrive and grow the hope in their eyes, spirit and openness and Attica, Bristol, watching them change almost daily into young adults and acupuncture health care. Unexpectedly proud of my 15 year old son taking responsibility for agreed tasks, and getting it done. Wow. What?
Susie Asli:
How? Give us the answers.
Rachel Richards:
That very proud. I Yeah. Wow. Because that's actually lots of layers, lots of layers to get that there. Okay. Learning. And this was a really popular one teenagers are really interesting people, as long as we don't judge them, I think we need to ingesting and and treating them with a bit of respect. Once you can do that, then you'll get so much back from them and NJ dunk PhD. Great tip, meet them where they are. I love that
Susie Asli:
100% And I love hearing what my kids their opinions because they're young. They're kind of half formed. And they're trying out opinions, political, historical, all of the things. And you know, just going oh, I you know, I, I'm always really vocal. I love hearing what you think about stuff. Tell me tell me tell me, and you hear it coming out. And it's sometimes it's a bit kind of like, controversial. Okay, and just in meeting it with non judgement. Oh, that's really interesting and thought about this. Yeah, just hearing them to the end and then going, that's really going to love hearing your opinion. And this is how I see it. And then sometimes they go well, you're wrong, obviously. Or they, you know, they go, Oh, that's interesting. I hadn't thought of that, but always isn't within non judgement. I'd love it. It's really interesting.
Rachel Richards:
Yes. And they and the thing is they open us to a different way of looking at things potentially, just because you think I mean, we were brought up at a time. So for example, el Nari who's an author and screenwriter said the way they constantly challenged me, because I had to examine my own attitudes and behaviours, which definitely I've had, you know, my most challenging teenager is the one who really sees things differently to me and makes me have to justify what I think or go, wow, now I've learned some Yes. And lazy slugs said my kids seem to be much more well informed than me, and particularly on social justice issues in politics, sex race. And, you know, I think I had quite a narrow upbringing.
Susie Asli:
Interesting. Yeah. I think I'm praising them for their opinions is they love it, they can you can watch them sort of blossom. And I often kind of say, you know, I think your generation is going to be way better at this topic. What do you think? Yeah, like inviting them in in a way that they feel valued? Yeah. Yeah.
Rachel Richards:
I'm not just trying to teach them what you think. And what's an interesting one is Ali cos said, hearing his view of the world what I was thinking was, it's very interesting because I have goals. I love the way my husband thinks it is different to me. Yes. Not Not completely, but I love his view on things and he'll he's much more definite about certain certain things. And I am I'm much more wishy washy, sometimes. And it's, it's lovely to chat. I love it when I've got boys, teenage boys, and hearing points because they can be very different. And it's really energised. Especially
Susie Asli:
on topics around, you know, femininity, and, you know, equal, you know, gender issues and stuff. They have different opinions. And meeting that with non judgement. Challenging. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel Richards:
It's super interesting. Yes. And just asking them, how were they where did they get that? From? Would you like to hear a different viewpoint and just being able to have those caught because it's quite, it's quite challenging. We
Susie Asli:
have a little joke in our house like, oh, one of them will come with something and we go, Well, where did you read that on tick tock?
Rachel Richards:
Yes. Always bite my kids, not my kids. And one of one of them in particular is very keen on tick tock viewpoints. And some of them are white. Some of them aren't. So here's the ft.
Susie Asli:
has good information to you. We just have to be discerning.
Rachel Richards:
No. And what's really interesting is I recently took my daughter to a debate in London And because she's very into her debating, and again, it's something I've done because of her not because I've never been to a debate like this before. And I booked it because it was on a very important topic, which is, is immigration good for Britain? And it's a very lively topic. Yes, I can imagine. And there were four distinguished speakers, and how wonderful to be exposed to a huge audience of adults who are all sitting there wondering, but the man behind me, he kept saying things out loud, you know, without meaning to and it sounded like he was shouting his TV at home. But they were all actually really interesting speakers. And it was wonderful for her to see adults putting together an entire speech about a topic, they feel very, matters a lot. And then having to argue their points. Such good lesson. Yes. And she said to me, you know, the thing is when I tried to read the newspapers, but most of the time, the stories reference things that are meaningless to me or don't really relate to my own history, you have to have a lot of depth to your reading to really understand a lot of particularly political stories. And she said, the amazing thing was that with that was that they had to package an entire sort of concert, yeah, in one speech, and she said she learnt so much from it. So yeah, things like that. Brilliant. You know, well, I, I've had to think and learn from it. They teach us and one that you like, particularly is my friends, I love my close friends to the best of threes. It's the best, it's the best. Because, say, for example, Tim and tour said, I enjoy them bringing their friends home, and they're all such good company, FP massage said, you know, when you hear from other people, that they've done something kind Yeah, peacock party, when they find their thinking their thing, which then brings in those true friendships. Right. So it's interesting when they've actually got the, the is actually the thing that's attracted them. And then the friends that start coming home really share values and ideas that are similar, which is
Susie Asli:
quite interesting. Yeah, that is interesting.
Rachel Richards:
And Ray loves the conversation she has with her daughter and her friends. And of course, it's those I found that talking to my daughter's friends is, is I have to be a little bit careful sometimes, because my daughters will shoot a glance at me because I'm a little bit scared on my own up, because I know everything.
Susie Asli:
And so in their opinion, or how do you mean? Well,
Rachel Richards:
what I mean is okay, I've got their entire history. I see live, and they'll tell me anything. Yep, maybe not everything, but they tell me anything. And it really matters to me that I keep that quiet and they know that that's my values that I would never tell any anybody. Even my husband there are things I wouldn't tell him that my daughters are told me because they've asked me not to fine. But every now and then they're like she can affect how far she got to go. Do you think this is funny? Because I do you love prodding, because they prod me as well. So it's just one of those areas where you just have to be a little bit careful. But it's fun fun
Susie Asli:
yet bonds, man, especially when it's girlfriend, boyfriend or partner. You know, say yes, you want to come and see some baby photos. I've done that.
Rachel Richards:
Oh store though. These ones are for the 21st birthday party. These ones are for them the wedding already done. And do you show them the really sweet ones? Or do you show them the mixture?
Susie Asli:
Mixture? mixture?
Rachel Richards:
I love it. Yeah, mostly
Susie Asli:
the embarrassing one. Oh, great. I think they're all cute. And then they're going on mortified. Oh my god.
Rachel Richards:
Well, my daughter was with her friends last night and she said, Mommy, can you send me some video of me doing and it was a really stupid thing that she'd done with her sister. That was pretty embarrassing when she was younger. So I started digging through. I couldn't find it. But I started sending other videos. And eventually she said, Mommy, this is so funny. Have you got any more of me crying? Yeah. She was, but she was crying and like you're a brat? Well, obviously, funny
Susie Asli:
photos of them when they were crying deliberately because I thought I don't want just one side of life. So they we remember in lockdown, we spent hours like scrolling through old videos and photos. Absolutely wetting ourselves.
Rachel Richards:
See that is a really good thing to do in your teens. So isn't that a good thing? Because you know, it hasn't even occurred? What a good thing like it just it's a boring evening just pull ups and stuff. Because also they can see oh, gosh, we used to do those nice things together.
Susie Asli:
Yes, yeah. It's really lovely. And it's really funny.
Rachel Richards:
Now coming down to sharing interests. We've got tonnes and tonnes of these, okay.
Susie Asli:
So sharing it parents and kids doing
Rachel Richards:
things together. So Sean said her eldest son had just signed up for a 10k in his training with his dad and is starting to come into the gym with her and they all volunteer together at their local theatre as well. Fantastic. What a great thing to do together. As Sarah, she said, the HERS usually wants to go into Dublin centre, and they book a restaurant. This is usually Christmas birthdays, but more special events. She has boys, the 17 year old likes afternoon tea. And they're great. And then she said, they've actually turns out they're really good at picking gifts for other people. I want those kids, I'm starting to think I'm missing a trick here because I have real fear over buying people gifts, okay. And I think it's because I'm, I grew up poor. So I'm always mindful of how much money I'm spending like, I don't want to overspend because I don't want to be too flamboyant, and make people feel uncomfortable that I'm giving them to bigger gift. But I also don't want to under gift and make them feel like I don't care. And then I think well, what if I buy them a gift that they don't want? And then it has to go somewhere, but they don't want anything. And so I need someone else to go Yeah, that's a good, that's fine. I do I worry about these. I do what I want my kids to take over. Yeah, Katrina sharing crafts together. They spent a few hours painting ceramic cups, and she said it was her daughter's idea. But they had the best.
Susie Asli:
Make being creative is lovely. If you can get them to the table. Yes, it's amazing. And it's surprising actually, like I often think they're not going to want to and we haven't done it for ages actually. That's a good reminder. But often at Easter we'd like do the eggs and paint them so much. And I think the best way of doing it is to just start if you go let's do it who's coming and what sit there waiting and then you start to get a bit annoyed because they haven't come and if you just start and then you can you like a magnet and they go passing Oh, that looks fun. Okay.
Rachel Richards:
I love that. I think I think you're absolutely right. Rather than demanding every time. We're gonna paint we're gonna have fun. I my daughter's like to come and plant seeds with me on this time of year, you know, just little pots and there's something very just chat and just relaxing. And then they see them coming up. And it's just lovely. And they always then want an entire vegetable plot and then nothing ever happens. But anyway, MJ dunk PhD, plays video games with them brilliant watching movies that they want to see listening to music they like but get this. We rode in the M S 150 Bicycle tours with them their entire home high school years. And I thought what is that? And I looked it up and it's a challenge where you have two days you have to cycle 150 miles. And it says it's power versus fatigue training versus excuses. But I just thought wow, I mean, like cycling. Yeah, like exercise. That's a really cool thing to do together.
Susie Asli:
That is a really cool thing. Yeah.
Rachel Richards:
DNB Hill taught her daughter archery. She says her daughter loves it. She's now disabled the mother, but still able to use the bow so they can do it together. And her daughter has to do all the running. Brilliant, great. Lazy slugs says I just like listening to music with them cooking doing. Board games, board games. Games are brilliant. Yeah, games are great. I didn't ever have board games. Did we? I think we maybe played Scrabble or monopoly occasionally. And I learned the joy of board games from other people. And there is something so incredibly wonderful about getting the whole family sitting down with a good or good board to be good board game. My favourite. We're not just board games. Monopoly deal. Quick, hilarious, really addictive. I've been to other people's houses. We'll monopoly deal it's cards. And it's it's based on monopoly. It's quick. It's various. It can change on a hairpin. And when I've taken it to other people's houses, including all the adults, they wanted to play again and again, and again. It's very monopoly deal. What else is there Peruzzo. Another easy dice. It's liar's dice. Really, all the kids love it. And it's a very quick one. Again, whenever I'm on a in a big group of teens that comes out. Yeah, taskmaster, we played this at Christmas. This is so much fun. I mean, I have never be laughed and cried an entire day. If you've got a whole day with your kids, and you've got time get that game. It's, it's it's hilarious. And everyone can play Williams. And there are things where you don't actually have to have the game. There's something called empire. If you look it up, and you've got a group together, you can play that really, really, really lots of
Susie Asli:
stuff. Yeah, because I have I think I often found that especially when they're a bit younger, maybe that's, you know, I was on my own with three kids. So we were all I was exhausted, exhausted. And if I wasn't exhausted, I was running them around to various things. So I remember, you know, feeling sometimes, oh gosh, we don't really do much together and you see other families with two parents and two kids. And they're doing stuff they may be going to play a game together or do some sport together and I I remember thinking, we didn't really do that. So I also understand from the, you know, the perspective of you know, we don't do much. No, we can't You can't. It's also can be expensive. Of course, there's lots of free stuff you can do, but it's the energy required to do it, but it's the little things that actually, I think, well,
Rachel Richards:
I mean, almost almost free. If you've got some music, stick it on loudly in the kitchen dance around together. Get everybody to pick their favourite song that they'll dance to. We used to do that ever a kitchen disco? Yeah.
Susie Asli:
Energy brilliance. But yeah, we My point was just that, you know, we sometimes think it has to be something you know, really a formal activity. It doesn't know
Rachel Richards:
it doesn't something spontaneous like that can really bring them together. A few people mentioned musicals. I have expensive and really not. Somebody said they went to Moulin Rouge, and I just thought, I'd love to get him removed.
Susie Asli:
We did that. We did that one Christmas with my sister and her kids instead of giving Christmas presents. We all went to see show best present. still expensive. I mean, the prices have gone up in the last few years a lot. But it was you know, we still talked about it. Yeah,
Rachel Richards:
well, that's the thing. That's an actually do remember back to the episode we had on Christmas presents, the best things are doing things
Susie Asli:
and you can go to local you know, amateur stuff, which often really good quality and it's a fraction of the price. Yeah,
Rachel Richards:
yeah. And Ray just says mooching around together, go to charity shops. being included in tick tock dancers. My girl had a TED talk the other day. Oh my goodness, they both dressed up as wrappers and they had tin foil over their teeth. And they'd made jewellery out of tin foil like rings. I was crushed and they had made beards and moustaches. made me cry with laughter I it was the funniest thing. I didn't put it on my social media because I don't show my children on social media. But my goodness, I was desperate to share it.
Susie Asli:
I've never been allowed to do that. I don't make any videos anymore. But even when they did, I wasn't allowed in them.
Rachel Richards:
So I was thinking I really want to be in that. Finally, you know, humour. Steph said sassiness and comebacks. Yeah, love this. You know when they are funny. They are so funny. Yes. And way better way but I can't remember the jokes. They told me jokes. I think that's a brilliant job call. Remember it is timing. is timing. Timing of it? Yes. Yes.
Susie Asli:
And then the you know, the glares you get? I get told when you're going to be funny. And I think I'm hilarious.
Rachel Richards:
I'm trying my hardest.
Susie Asli:
I think I already am.
Rachel Richards:
And Jane said she has chalk and cheese teenagers, which a lot of us do. Yeah. She said one loves to go for a manicure, manicure, get her nails done in a proper shop mooch around charity shops, cook the other bites her nails. So the quick and loves doing sports. So she Jane has started learning walking football. And her daughter didn't have to do that. And her daughter is teaching her how to kick the ball properly.
Susie Asli:
Okay,
Rachel Richards:
how cool is that? As a family, they've done things together, like hire a professional artist and learn how to paint together or how to make pots together.
Susie Asli:
Yeah, making stuff is I mean, you can get loads of kits. There's a brilliant thing to do is I'm dreadful at that. But we do. Like we have an annual tradition which sounds a little bit hippy, but it's very cool. Me and my daughter we make stinging nettle soup once a year. And it is now Yes. Growing up and yes, it's just really fun. I've made that once did you know like it was okay, you put loads of vegetables in and it does taste a bit different. It's a bit
Rachel Richards:
like like the soup stone, isn't it where you just got the stinging nettles in but you then just add lots of other things. Yeah, yeah.
Susie Asli:
Pretty much. It was different. We made
Rachel Richards:
we made elderflower champagne. And that didn't didn't taste that great. I think it's me.
Susie Asli:
And when we lived in Denmark, everyone makes elderflower cordial. Like it's a thing. It's so easy. I never made that. But we did do see nettles. Maybe
Rachel Richards:
you've got to have the citric acid and I think you have to like go to a you have to get it so they can make bombs with it. So you have to be careful. You can do a lemon, you know, I don't remember anyway. And the other thing that my daughter started was she went to another friend's house and they make sourdough bread. She made me a sourdough starter. Yummy. And as a present Yeah. And you can make a sourdough starter from scratch. And we bake sourdough bread.
Susie Asli:
Amazing. I was given a sourdough starter as well.
Rachel Richards:
Did you kill it?
Susie Asli:
I didn't get on with it. Should we say it was like looking at it going this is a lot of effort. I look after enough people in this house you do have to look after itself.
Rachel Richards:
Actually, I have left money in the fridge for weeks and weeks without feeding and then I revived it so I can tell you how to do it. Yeah, I'm
Susie Asli:
not sure it's a thing. That's the thing. Suzy has the
Rachel Richards:
painting and whatever. I want to eat it. I just I don't want to like a painting. I can't eat it. So like
Susie Asli:
a barter thing. I'm not green soup, and you can give me some friends. It's a great deal. Great
Rachel Richards:
job. Perfect, right? On that note. We probably run over time from what we normally do, but I'm sure that yeah, let's It was fun. Like, it's fun. It's fun. And don't forget gossip. I always just say to my kids, what's the gossip?
Susie Asli:
Yeah, no, yeah. within the department. Be careful with that one. But the gossip being mine go What you talking about?
Rachel Richards:
I brought mine up on it. I'm like, Yeah, because my best friend when I lived with him, yeah, every day, I'd come home. And he was he worked in the attic. And he had this little ladder that were just done. He'd come hammering down and then go, what's the course? Yeah. And I put me under pressure to come up with a good story. And
Susie Asli:
so it's great. It is great. As long as it's not actual gossip. Oh, no. Yeah. No, we don't do that. No, just a fun fun story. It's
Rachel Richards:
like fun. So tell me what's been happening. Yeah. And I go, Oh, yeah. Actually,
Susie Asli:
every dinner I asked my kids, it's become a really eyeroll annoying thing. And so I do it, of course, now, deliberately. Like what did you have for lunch? Every day for lunch, and they go, Oh, God. Come on. Tell me. What did you have lunch today?
Rachel Richards:
Right. That's it for today. How about a fun audit. That's the only thing you need to do just kind of have a look at your week and think when can I have just stick a little bit of fun in, you know, any of these little suggestions? Nothing. Nope, no more pressure, pressure, though. No pressure. And also just give yourself a pat on the back. You're doing a good job. Don't beat yourself up. If your kids hate you right now. And they are lurking in their rooms. Keep trying. I love you. You know that. And when they do say something funny laugh at it. Bring the best energy
Susie Asli:
you can to the rooms Yes. will ripple out one day will
Rachel Richards:
look like and they come back to you. I promise. Promise, promise. If you're if your teenager thinks you're the most boring, stupid, ugly person on the planet, and they don't want to tell you anything. And they want to spend time with their friends. Just keep going in there and just say I love you and, you know, be there for them. And it will, it will. So, if you enjoyed this episode, then please hit the Follow button and send it to someone who might benefit you could give us a review. Yeah, make us super happy and joyous. You can find us on www.teenagersuntangled.com We're on social media platforms come and say hi, don't be shy. Yeah, we'd love to hear. Yeah. And Suzy, what's your website?
Susie Asli:
It is www dot a mindful hyphen life.co.uk. And all my social media links are on there, you can find me on that.
Rachel Richards:
And she can teach you how to de stress, the stress how to just not take it too personally.
Susie Asli:
And you know, just adding on to that, you know, laughter is a super brilliant regulator of our nervous system. Really, it really is important. It's not just let's add on a bit of fun at the end if we can integrate it into our day and have a little bit more like not take ourselves so flippin seriously. Absolutely, then it makes a big difference to our nervous systems and to our general
Rachel Richards:
and life has to be we have to find some fun. Yeah. Okay, because it can be really hard and it's not supposed to be great all the time. It is hard work. But just enjoying yourself from time to time not
