My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles.
Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time.
Pew says 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.'
In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life.
GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITION
Gen Z â 1997 â 2012
Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996
Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980
Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) â the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964
And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles.
Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time.
Pew says 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.'
In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life.
GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITION
Gen Z â 1997 â 2012
Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996
Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980
Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) â the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964
And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Rachel Richards:
Hello, and welcome to teenagers untangled the audio hub for parents going through the teen years. I'm Rachel Richards, journalist, parenting coach, a mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters.
Susie Asli:
Hi there. I'm Susie Asli and mindfulness coach, mindful therapist and musician and mother of three teenagers, two of them.
Rachel Richards:
Right, today we're going to talk about a concept that I've become aware of only recently being a parent of the sandwich generation. Oh, yeah, we're not talking about food. Right. So what is it? Well, it's people who are stuck in the middle still trying to juggle the needs of kids, whilst also dealing with ailing older parents at the same time, and probably for a lot of the women at this age group dealing with menopause, or your midlife crisis, whatever you want to call it.
Susie Asli:
So shit sandwich
Rachel Richards:
is a very simplistic description. But the more I researched it, the more I began to understand. I think what's happening in society and possibly what we could be doing better to help ourselves. But I think just understanding where we're sitting in society, it helps doesn't it super helpful because I think sometimes you kind of think I don't understand why it's so difficult
Susie Asli:
as a big thing. Now.
Rachel Richards:
I don't really have a lot of answers, but I do have some advice. Amazing research. Well, let's start with an audit.
Susie Asli:
Yes. So my nugget today is, is I had to have a rethink about something I thought which is good because just always good. It's a good reminder, like, so my daughter is going to her prom in the summer 16 And, and that as we know wasn't a thing for us. It's come over in the States and I was a little bit like poopoo you know, sounds really fun of course you're gonna go but you know, all the dresses can't we just find something really and you like all of the stuff around it I poo pooed it a little bit to be honest and so crikey they're expensive I'm definitely not wearing one of them. And then I could just see the momentum of her mates and her and long story short, we I had a rethink and I could just see this actually really mattered to her it was really important. And you know it will be his idea to kind of make it you know not give her this experience. And so we ended up going to a couple of shops down we had a whole day down in Brighton and going to this amazing shop and it was the most fun day I've had for ages it was so lovely. And the beautiful part was just watching her play you know dress up for the day and she's always loved dresses even since she was little she used to just put on all her dresses at once and the joy in her face was amazing and I'm sure that's not the experience for all girls but for her she loved it and that just made me really think my goodness I am we would both have missed out on that if I had just gone NAS is rubbish and carried on thinking my thoughts so step back in and we having a rethink and listening to her was really
Rachel Richards:
an a fun day out for a really fun and
Susie Asli:
the joy in her eyes I you know I can remember it as beautiful and there
Rachel Richards:
are some charities around here that for people who don't have the money for that which is amazing where they will also people donating beautiful shoes. Yes that can be worn, which I've done which I think is a wonderful thing to do
Susie Asli:
people be selling and even or or yeah the charities. Brilliant.
Rachel Richards:
My daughter's had my wardrobe. Brilliant. Perfect. Perfect,
Susie Asli:
but it was the it was the whole dress.
Rachel Richards:
Yeah. Yeah, doesn't actually you don't even have to wait for that I've done those kind of opened my wardrobe. We all tried clothes on like dresses. It's the most fun so yeah. Everything Yes, love it in my nugget is that many bright sparks responded to the episode saying her son has a paper round and also tutors. So he doesn't need an allowance. But unfortunately for where it for me where we live is really difficult finding work for the girls and being able to get them there. Because we live in the middle of nowhere because it's kind of ties into what you've been saying her daughter's rather younger. And she had given her a daughter an allowance and her daughter went out and bought mascara. And she wasn't comfortable about her daughter wearing mascara to school. And she said she really felt like she'd overreacted, which is either overreacted to things in the past things that really triggered me and it's all my staff and and I've abused the power how not to overreact we use an acronym in that which is part which I found really helpful but it's also this kind of having to get your head around the fact that we we can give our kids are values so you can have conversations with them about what why you have an issue with something happening. So for example, when my daughter tried to put on makeup when I thought she was too young for it I said that we Isn't I feel uncomfortable is because what you're doing is you're signaling to the world that you're sexually available. To me. That's what you did this lipstick. It just feels uncomfortable. But talk to me about your own friendship groups talk to me. And the great thing was it was a really bonding experience, because then she started explaining, well, my girlfriend's do this, and we're doing that. And and, and once I could see it, from her point of view, I thought, okay, so it's not the same. It's not the same as how it felt for me. Yeah. It doesn't mean the same thing. And I need to understand that and then, and then we could both talk about this. And we find a space. Yes. And then she trusted me because she knew that I was listening to her. And I was interested in her viewpoint. Yeah,
Susie Asli:
that's the key, isn't it? It's listening and being flexible with our opinions,
Rachel Richards:
but also being prepared to talk about your values. And because your values really matter why kids do care what our values. Yeah, so you have a another review? I
Susie Asli:
do from Louise, which is lovely. It's fantastic. I've just come across your podcast. And can I just say how fantastic it is. I founded a charity for young people that uses coaching to support their well being. And this is so enlightened to what we are, we try and practice. We're also aware of the need to support parents. So I'll definitely be directing them to this podcast. Thank you again. And she's from grit charity, which
Rachel Richards:
I interviewed. Yes, yes. She's brilliant. And I love what she's doing. And she loves what we're doing. So everyone loves me. Thank you. Yes. Right. So back to the sandwiches. Talking about life in terms of generalizations is obviously quite a curious approach. Because, you know, often there going to be people who aren't the way that we say, so we'll just start there and say, Yeah, I know that not everybody is going to be this. Right. So Jen, let's talk about the generation. So the I got this from Pew Research, and he researched defines errors based on a consensus. Okay, so Gen Z is 1997 to 2012, which is pretty much our teenagers. Then, an interestingly, my younger bonus daughter, and the millennials were born between 1981 and 1996. So my other bonus daughter is a millennial, okay. And actually it is different. Because they grew up in a different with a different relationship to social media. One was one was in social media one wasn't growing up with it. In the same way. Yeah. Isn't it wasn't as big Gen X. That's us. That's 1965 to 98. It's big, big sort of gap isn't a big thing. Big chunk. And Beresford research actually cuts boomers into two segments they have the first is 1946 to 54. And the second is 55 to 64. So that's a big, big error. And pretty sure our parents are boomers. Yeah. Well, mine weren't mine. Were Silent Generation minded, both deceased. So they were 1928 1945. So I had older parents. Yeah,
Susie Asli:
one of mine would be in that category. And the other interesting,
Rachel Richards:
yeah, yes. So, but a lot of our listeners are going to have parents that either silent generation or boomers. And it matters, because the boomers have got a really bad reputation. Or good reputation depends on how you look at it, because well, maybe my parents came from this, sort of spare the rod spoil the child era. And actually, it was a kind around the 1950s, that the attachment theory was developed. And that sort of started to change people's viewpoints of how you're supposed to parent. And this is pertinent. Because then if you talk to a lot of parents, like our generation, they'll say that what their parents did was basically open the door, say, off you go. And they come home at whatever time. That's not true of everybody, because there were people like you who were kind of shutting the room. Yeah, kissing their butt.
Susie Asli:
And lived away from everyone else. Yeah, yes.
Rachel Richards:
But so there are there are differences. But the boomer generation are kind of known for living longer than the previous generation for living better. Yes. You know, and there's also there's actually something called Boomer itis, which is a kind of it's a medical problem where they all exercising too much still. And it means that they get inflammation in all sorts of areas that they may not have done before. We said that the the doctors are gone, or she's got Boomer writers, because they won't give up their stuff, which is a good thing. We know that exercise is really good for you. But they're kind of carrying on beyond where they would have before. Yes. And what's really interesting is of course, our generation started having children later. Yeah. And I remember when I was at university, I looked after all these foreign students one summer as a job. And this girl had come over from Poland, there was a whole Polish contingent who were brought over by the Catholic Church, and she was 19. And I said, so she was leaving the course I said, What are you doing now? Because the boy So we're all going off to go and hang out in fun places and see London and she said, I'm going back to get married. And I said, Wow, that's really young. And she said, No, no, it's normal. It's normal for me. Because in our society, you know, I would be a bit over the hill, if I left it too long. So you know, whereas I got married, Gosh, 2005. And I didn't have my first child since till I was 38. I second one, I was 39. Because I'm really crazy like that. And I had teenagers, bonus daughter, teenagers quite soon after that, and
Susie Asli:
that age is completely normal now. Yes.
Rachel Richards:
And that's the thing because I, I thought, when I went to sort of toddler groups, I was going to be surrounded by young women. No,
Susie Asli:
no, it's a key thing. I don't know if it's if it's going back the other way now, but you know, that that that would not be an abnormal No, no.
Rachel Richards:
So So what's happened is we've got the boomer generation who've stayed alive longer, who are living their best lives, who actually accumulated a lot of wealth. We'll get to that in a minute. And, and then also, there's us having children later. So the grandparents of our children are that much older. So they're less the you know, they are staying alive and being healthy longer, but they're less capable of, you know, if you had a younger grandparent, they'd be much more intimate. A
Susie Asli:
lot of resentment building for that generation, because they've got, you know, their houses were cheaper and all of those different things. It's through no fault of their own, you
Rachel Richards:
know, because we live in our areas. And then, and then there's people like me who, you know, you end up going through slap into your menopause or perimenopause, right when your kids are becoming teenagers, which is great fun, as we all know. And then the kids are taking longer to grow up. We know, we've done the stats on it. And we also got multi generational households on a big upswing in America, and boomerang kids in the UK, where they go out, they try and start their lives. It's too expensive to come back home.
Susie Asli:
So us who get to the kids are leaving home. Hurray. We've got some space. We don't you have not got the
Rachel Richards:
space on either side. Yeah. And it's expensive, because also parents now a lot more parents are double income households. They can't afford to just have one parent at home. So a lot of her parents are out to parents working as well. It's
Susie Asli:
hard. It's a big old sandwich sandwich.
Rachel Richards:
Yeah, and I and so much bread I don't like this, I started zoning. And on this one I saw a tweet, which I'm going to read out is by a woman called Melissa's mammalian vibe reflex. And she said, our Pilates teacher was making small talk after class and asked if anyone had plans for Easter, a boomer age grandmother complained that ever since her parents passed away, her family stopped gathering for the holidays. She said, I missed those traditions. And then side. This, this person tweeting said it's as if she doesn't realize that she's the grandmother now. I see this all the time. And it's not just boomers, people not wearing the mantle of their season of life, and being apparently unhappy with the consequences.
Susie Asli:
Because you have the choices, don't you? But yeah, I'm sure
Rachel Richards:
there's lots of reasons why this happens. Yeah, but what's confounding me is why are people engaging in these behaviors that making them unhappy and then
Susie Asli:
not know doing anything about them? Yeah. And your victim?
Rachel Richards:
Yes. And so coming back to this whole thing, because I think, I think what's happened, because why keep talking about community, I've started really zoning in our community and thinking we don't have the community, where's the community where they're gone. And then I think back to when I was growing up, there was a man called Norman tebbit, who was an MP who basically said to people on your bike, which was if you if you haven't got a job, where you are, get on your bike and go and find a job, and everyone went, Okay, I guess that's what it's about. And we became a lot more mobile searching for jobs. But of course, the downside is that you then lose your communities.
Susie Asli:
Yes. And we leave our parents who then get old and we need looking after and then it's all a bit complicated. Yeah. And
Rachel Richards:
they they're not living near us. So actually, so my mother was living 100 miles away from me. So actually going up to spend time with her when I had small children was very, very difficult, challenging, very challenging. And it's more than that, because the boomer generation are known for being much more independent than the previous elder generation. And they're outspending other generations on travel and dining out. Yeah. And they're living in their lovely house. Yes. accumulated their wealth around. Yeah. And and the truth is, you know, there have been every now and then you get a flare up of people saying, Why don't these people trade down? You know, they've got these massive houses they're living in, and we've got a housing crisis. And the boomers are saying, well, why should I? Because you don't have the housing stock and why should I go and live in a single room in some kind of house? Thing. Thing for old people when I don't feel old you want to Yeah, yes. So it's difficult, very difficult. And then we get stuck in that Cartman triangle. Don't
Susie Asli:
we have victim persecutor? Yeah. Because we didn't communicate around it properly.
Rachel Richards:
Yes, yes. And the millennial parents are. I've often seen people say, Where's my village? Daniel Cox, the director of the nonprofit Survey Center on American Life, which researches changes and developments in American culture said, in the old days, new parents would rely on relatives to provide support and knowledge. Yeah, the good old days we all talk about right because it because let's say, let's be honest, it wasn't always like that, was it? No. And there were lots of bad but I think we can say we can say this. And yeah, but let's just say let's presuppose that that was sort of what was going on, which to an extent, in some cultures, it really is, yeah, the mom will move in with the daughter. And look after her when her children come along. And he said, they're now turning to Google and apps. And there's an entire industry that's grown a billion dollar industry that's developed providing knowledge and equipping parents with information on their best practices. Yeah. So then, so then the boomers are going well, I have I've done this already. And I want to go and have some fun, but be you don't actually want to listen to me. No.
Susie Asli:
And I think that we have to take responsibility for that. You know, we complain a lot about it wherever they're gone. But we also are not very good at taking help.
Rachel Richards:
Yeah, we're not very good at taking help. And we're looking at the way they did it and going well, I didn't like that. Yes,
Susie Asli:
I will do it my way. Yeah, you can't have
Rachel Richards:
it both ways. And, and also, the changes in society have been so dramatic. That for a lot of them, they're they're spinning, you know, the gender, race, politics has changed. It's like a whiplash, how much it's changed over a short period of time. And the whole gentle parent parenting movement.
Susie Asli:
Yeah. leaves a lot of the older generation going, what are you doing? Yes. And
Rachel Richards:
I don't know. Like, what I'm not going to do that with your with my grandchildren. And then the parents say, well, then I'm going to leave my kids. Right? Yeah, they're scared the pet grandparent will traumatize them or something. You can mix it all up. And the grandparents just to put the shoe on the other foot. Grandparents are saying, well, hang on a second. Here. You are moaning about this. But actually, you've over sheduled your kids lives. Yeah. So right. I've got time to see my kids. But where are they? Oh, they're at football matches they're at? Well, you know, I don't have a look in. Yeah, what's happened? guilty and guilty. I've done that. Yeah. Because they used to be a Sunday lunch, the UK, British known as a roast beef, we'd have a roast beef Sunday lunch, and you gather the people around the table. And that's not really we try
Susie Asli:
and do that to prepare, but it's not every week. But it's it's different. It is very different. Yeah.
Rachel Richards:
So I guess the question is, where is our community? And are we being realistic? About what's possible, given the era we're in? And how do we manage our, our parents, because we're now at the point where they are getting frail. And we have to look after them somehow.
Susie Asli:
Yeah, I mean, it's an amazing topic. It's a really good company. And I've just flippantly commented on that Cartman triangle. But the more we're talking now, I'm thinking how relevant that actually is. And I think we've talked about it before on this podcast, but it's the idea of was communication, it sounds like communication, because we all have these great ideas and thing, ways that we think things should work. And probably, because it's family and because it's really tricky stuff. We that's our worst communication space. And the Cartman triangle is this idea that we don't when we don't communicate properly, we often get ourselves into three roles. And or we ping around in three roles. One of them is victim. One of them is persecutor and one of them is rescuer. Interesting, and we tend to have a tendency to be one, but we ping around in all of them. And it's when we don't communicate that we get into them. So the classic example is women at an old lady at a bus stop. She's waiting for her boss boyscout goes, oh, there's a lady over there. She needs to she needs to take his helper across the road. So he wants to be the rescuer. He goes over and she's like, Oh, that's pretty sweet of him. I'll go I'll go across the road. And as they're crossing the road, her bus comes, oh, my boss is coming. She gets really stressed whacks him over the head with her stick. He turns into victim she's now persecutor and and so it goes in circles and because nobody communicated properly in the first right and that's a silly example. But we do that all the time, in the way out of it is to communicate your needs properly. But I think we get into it. So just from what you've talked about just now, you know, the boomer generation one minute their persecutors one minute their victims, one minute they're rescuers, you know, because we're not communicating. We're not really being honest with what do we actually need? What are we willing to do that I think that's a big part of it, you know? Am I willing to take care of my parents? Yes, no. And then the old guilt or expectations, it's really layered, really complicated. But also, we first need to sit down and have a really good think about what what, where are my boundaries? What do I need? What What am I willing to step up and do? What am I not willing to step up and do, and then communicate it neutrally without falling into these really kind of unhelpful, sometimes toxic communication patterns?
Rachel Richards:
Because we're going to be in the situation where, I mean, we already lack a lot of community that would help. Yeah. And and I've been talking about how it's the onus is really on us to start rebuilding these communities, we need to find ways to get our kids away from their screens, doing things together, we need to do more to support each other, rather than judging each other. So we need to be kinder to ourselves, and then therefore, then be kinder to other parents. And look out for them. Yeah. And I think we also need to be having conversations with our, the older generation about what we would like, and one of the things I've started doing is a Christmas get together for the entire extended family. So it's not just our Christmas, it's actually the whole family, even the ones who don't like each other, and you put them all in one dress. And actually, they have said, Oh gosh, this is great, because it's there's such a big number of them that they don't normally congregate. And maybe do that in summer, just because I can do that. So that's something I can give. And we need to start looking like how what can I do watch, and I was I used to do Easter egg hunts stop now because my kids are, they're a bit older. But then I started doing a fireworks thing where we have fireworks around the corner that are free. It's just a charity. So I put money in the buckets. And everyone comes to mind, and we walk across the fields together. And it's kind of a free for all. And I think just trying to look at ways in which we can integrate people in the community, but then also the older people and say, so what, maybe what would what would you like to do with the family more? And also, how are we going to figure this Yes, step out, because that's what's that's coming at us like a freight train, it
Susie Asli:
takes courage to have those conversations and seal that in my system. I'm like, well, golly, you know, I need to have these conversations, too. It's coming down the road. And, and then you know, all the things that potentially we're not very good at communicating in the family, which is our most problematic communication space, because it's can be so triggering, they come out to play, you know, it's like a can of worms gets opened, you know, maybe there's sibling problems. Maybe there's, you know, generational things, maybe there's stuff that happened when you were 10 that comes out, that you don't really want to talk about I'm exaggerating a bit, but still, you know, there's there's, there's a tone in a family isn't there? And we, we push it away, and we don't want to talk about it. So stopping and going, what am I willing to do in this? What? Where can I see my role in maybe 510 years? And what am I willing to do? And what am I not willing to do? Yeah, and I'm having this conversation.
Rachel Richards:
Yeah. And the problem is that, okay, let's say you're not an only child, your parents are going to need support. At some point, you don't know what that support is going to look like. So having so there's a really good book that I've recommended before, and it's to do with dying, actually, it's called Being Mortal, which I loved because it's got a checklist in it. And whilst I'm not trying to dwell on death, it's one of those ones where it's just having conversations about what, what they might see as a good life as the rest of their life, because a lot of them are do decamping to other places going, I've done my bit I've done my child raising don't want to look after your grant, you know, my grandchildren? Or, you know, I'll send you a present. No, what's the well, yeah, but maybe you don't. So having those open conversations, but also having conversations with your siblings about how is this going to be managed? Yeah. And who's going to, you know, if they're living a long way away, how is how is that support going to happen, because Gone are the days to the boomer generation are reaping the rewards of working their life paying their pension, gone are the days where a government's going to be able to do that, they're not going to be able to do it, because people are getting older, living longer. So they've got more complex needs, which means the healthcare systems can't cope. And actually, that's one of the biggest problems is that the healthcare system simply can't cope with the the complex needs. And we are now looking at a triangle where right at the bottom, the tiny, tiny point is the kids coming through us who aren't going to be able to provide for us so we also Lucky us need to think about that too. So it's really tough. So I think I think the only thing that we can be doing is a thinking clearly and honestly about this, trying to think clearly and honestly trying to reach out and find support trying to have conversations in the community. You know, I bumped into a woman or my when I go for dog walks now, I talked to everybody. Absolutely. I just talked to my husband's like you Talk to everyone I like Yeah, I do avoid
Susie Asli:
the fields around Rachel. She's the crazy lady. I'm learning so much.
Rachel Richards:
It's so interesting. And I bumped into a woman I met years ago. And she's got a young daughter. And she said, it's really hard. And I said, What's hard, and she said, like, I've tried to join groups, like I tried to join the knitting club and, and then they really closed off and they sort of don't. And then then there was a book group, and my friend joined it. And then they shut down the WhatsApp group and then started a new Whatsapp group without hearing it at this. She's She's younger than me. So her kids are younger. And my but my point is, we're like we it's almost like we've got a narrative in, in social media, where people are on social media with lots of connections, and then no connections in their in their real life. Yeah. And we somehow have to start looking around going, how do I make this happen around me? Let me talk to as many people as possible. And you know what's amazing when you do that, you realize how nice most people are? Oh, my goodness, yes. Oh, and it's such a relief, because you go online, and there's so much. It's not fair and not, you know, so much victim, everything and people bashing, and then you talk to just chat to people locally, then most people are lovely, lovely. And that sort of,
Susie Asli:
you know, if you go into the conversation, expecting them to be lovely they are if you go into the conversation, expecting them to be idiots, then they always also are that. Yeah.
Rachel Richards:
But I just I kind of I guess that's what I'm getting, I guess I'm thinking that we can't be asleep at the wheel. We need to rather than hoping someone else is going to come and rescue us. Because there's nobody,
Susie Asli:
nobody, we have to be responsible for it. And you said something sort of just earlier about I don't want to talk about death. And I don't want to go into that either. But I do think that's an important part of it is that our we are so terrified of talking about death, talking about people getting older because we don't want to we don't want to dwell on it. We don't want to think about it, that we are in complete denial about things these things happening. And that is a big part of it, I think. Yes,
Rachel Richards:
yes. And I'm also conscious because I've had cancer, I've got friends who've died as well. I'm also conscious that is this it like I could die tomorrow, I want to make sure I've made the most of it. So we have to live with this understanding. And this is getting a bit depressing, isn't it? But it's a balance.
Susie Asli:
Being realistic, isn't it being realistic, that stuff is going to happen in the future and living in the present moment. So kind of dipping into the future? It's kind of being clear and clear on it deciding how do we want to be in the future, and then being in the present for the most of the time. So we're not panicking and written, you know, being anxious about it. We're living in the present moment where we're making the most of what we have right now. Because that's all we have any influence over. And just being a bit clearer on how it's going to look in the future.
Rachel Richards:
And living the seasons of our lives. As this lady said on Twitter. I love that because I think there's so much anti aging advice. And I saw this really painful thing where this mother in law had said she had all these family photos of her mother in law. And she said, Oh, can you take it? I don't want any of those. And she said, I don't like how I look? Oh, no, because I can see all the wrinkles. I just thought, gosh, you know, because this is an episode on that actually. Yeah. Because I think we need to enjoy and accept the part. And actually, as the parents who are going into the teenage years, yes, it's tough. But also think, let's let's be the people, let's be the people who say, I know I'm sandwiched. I know this is tough. But let's reach out to all the other sandwich. Yeah, people Yes. And say this is tough. Let's do things together another
Susie Asli:
cut rather than nature's fields. Yeah. Just get you up. A while
Rachel Richards:
back, I ended up talking to a chap, he just said that. He just said something to me. I said, Oh, yeah, I started chatting to him. And then I realized he wanted me to go to church on Sunday. Oh, gosh. And he'd seen me as a part of His ministry, I just said,
Susie Asli:
Thank you. So I want to do the knitting club.
Rachel Richards:
But even though I have a really big thing, I think we need a space in our lives where we can stop and think together. So it's good to stop and think on your own. But it's also and I've called it with my daughter when we go on the weekends. When we go for a dog walk and we call it church I called her church. And it's where we sort of she starts her confessions and we have these conversations about the meaning of life and reflecting on how things have been so wherever that happens, I think we need to reenter we because we don't have our churches around us. I mean, some people do obviously some of you are will be religious you will be Yeah, whatever religion you have, and for some
Susie Asli:
people, that man inviting them to invite would be very welcome. Very welcome. Yes.
Rachel Richards:
But I just think that we, if you aren't visiting a community something, then you're creating some space in your life where you can do that,
Susie Asli:
reflecting with is a really beautiful way for singers actually. Which is kind of what we do here. Yeah. A bit more Wofully I'd say.
Rachel Richards:
Yeah. And you it's just us.
Susie Asli:
Yeah, so they
Rachel Richards:
can actually switch this off. They can?
Susie Asli:
Probably half. So if you're still listening.
Rachel Richards:
Okay. Anyway, I think we've covered that. What do you think? Oh my gosh. And I forgot to mention, oh, there is a Facebook group you won't believe it's called. Okay, Boomer, it's time to get in your forever box. What? What does that even mean? It means we've had enough of you move on. Oh, God, which is horrific. And there are 21 and a half 1000 members. So if you're one of those members, and you're listening, I didn't like it. That's horrible. It's private. I couldn't get in. I didn't want to join it. But I just thought that's really miserable. Just pitching about the boomers. Yeah. So let's not bitch about the boomer generation. Let's actually try and get some of their cash. Like, can you take us on holiday with that with you? Yeah, we know you're living your best life. Yeah, can you know, we can
Susie Asli:
we can. But it's true isn't like every generation has, you know, we're born into the generation we're born into. It's not a judgment thing. It's
Rachel Richards:
a thing. It's just recognizing it helps. Like when you go, why is it so hard? This is why it's so
Susie Asli:
hard. Yeah. And it's it's true. Right?
Rachel Richards:
So we've we've told you that
Susie Asli:
Yeah. What kind of sandwich should we make now? I mean, what's your favorite sandwiches? And on that? I
Rachel Richards:
didn't really like so much of what can I say that? I don't. I never realized. I don't like all the bread because mostly it's short, right? Like if I made it myself, that would be of interest. I'm much more of a Poke Ball.
Susie Asli:
Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah, we'll go there. Good. Rice and vegetable.
Rachel Richards:
They're like, yeah, lots of lots of like, lots of textures and lots of colors and lots of flavors. What about you?
Susie Asli:
You can't put that in braids? Can you know you will fall out? You can't?
Rachel Richards:
Which is why and no, I'll just make another point while we're on this, that it is very modern, to walk around eating very modern and it never was the case at all use it always used to be frowned upon. And I quite like the half to sit down with my chopsticks my fork something and actually eat rather than walking around you know, just down the street on the track wherever quite like
Susie Asli:
so you don't walk in the fields with your Pokeball for example. Do you think we're kind of going on a bit now
Rachel Richards:
we are I think let's finish Alright, so that's it if you liked that we should probably didn't leave you did share it with somebody or send us a review. Please don't complain about how much we waffle. Well, we promise we'll be better next time. And and you can find us on www.teenagersuntangled.com email on teenage teenagers untangled@gmail.com I haven't mentioned that a couple of times. Where can we find you Susie?
Susie Asli:
can find me at www dot a mindful hyphen. life.co.uk and I'm still thinking about what my favorite sandwich is. which I think might be cheese cheese salad and what kind of cheese or something really tasty like cheddar or Marmite and I'm a big fan of cheese and Marmite well could be could be cheese.
