S04E04 Don't Fear Her Tears with Dominique Ara

Spotlight Book: That's What She Said by Joanne Lipman
Guest : Dominique Ara 

Conversation Highlights:

• soft skills are people to people
• transgender experiences can give a peak into how our gender biases show up
• hard to recognize that we live in a man's world
• not only men interrupt women - women do it too
• we're not dreaming - the experience of the world is different if you are a man or a woman
• need more sponsors versus mentors
• mentors - give us advice, been there before, tactical approaches
• sponsor - pave the way for us, put our name forward for 
• mentorship can create more women acting like men
• the way we are conditioned can set up how we see the gender differences
• how to integrate when you are the "only" 
• when you're trained to look at the differences in order to better integrate
• women have learned to talk "men"
• empowerment - the permission to not "act as if" but to act as I am
• team up with the people who think like me
• 20% of the people can change a system 
• the power of getting together with others to change the system
• men are not the "bad guys" - they are shamed for being a man
• men are good people who have been conditioned into this system
• when courtesy becomes condescending
• when men don't say anything when they could/should
• the risk of speaking up that men feel -- they may disagree, but they don't speak up because they don't want to lose power/rank among the men
• coming in new to an organization where there is already a hierarchy - create a shared community and purpose that flattens the hierarchy
• when bad habits come back under pressure/stress 
• understanding when/how I feel threatened, and what behaviors come up when under threat 
• until proven otherwise, men are seen as competent -- until proven otherwise, women are seen as Incompetent
• what if women don't have imposter syndrome or confidence issues - it's just that the system forces women to prove ourselves more
• blind auditions in symphonies/orchestras - erases some of the bias
• Iceland as the number 1 ranked country for gender equity -- and it's not the women involved, it's the men
• the action men take need to NOT discredit themselves
• alliances between men/women to amplify one another's voices
• educate our boys differently

12 TIPS from the book:

1. Interrupt Interrupters
2. Use Amplification and Brag Buddies
3. Diversify interviewers, not just the applicants
4. She'll help your bottom line
5. She's not sorry, she's not lucky, and she's not asking you a question
6. Yay, that's not a compliment
7. She's pretty sure you don't respect her
8. Don't decide for her
9. Don't be afraid of tears
10. She's ready for a raise, but she won't ask for her
11. Hire women your mom's age
12. She deserves a promotion, she just doesn't know it yet. 

Other Books Mentioned:

• Belonging by Owen Eastwood

GUEST BIO:
Dominique provides teams and organizations with the best appropriate medicine to heal interpersonal communication diseases. She aims to energize and empower people to transform their future by expressing their full potential today. Dominique helps corporation executives to align their core values into everyday life. She is a senior-certified coach in Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ).

You can find out more at:
https://dominique-ara.com/en/about/ 
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominique-ara/

More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm