How To Manage Your Finances as a Single Mom
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How To Manage Your Finances as a Single Mom
Mon, Jan 22, 2024, 6:29AM • 42:51
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
single mom, child support, money, work, account, job, budget, point, deviant behavior, unbeliever, prioritize, rent, deal, put, find, emergency, children, making, stability, rental.
I want to talk to you guys about how to manage your finances as a single mom. I think we need a lot of help in this area. Especially because so many things are coming at us at the same time, right? We have to deal with our children's emotional well-being. And that's not easy. When you have to deal with the fact that they you know, what if their dad is in their life, you have to deal with those emotional variances, right and it gets sticky. It gets hard to deal with. And more often than not, it's you know, we're left picking up the pieces. So how can we manage our finances as a single mom from that perspective? I think the number one thing that I learned is if you're going after your dream, like let's say you know, you're going after your, your dream, whatever it is that you want to go after, you cannot afford to go after your dream without a job. You just can't. Well, I'm going to put all of my attention on the stream and then, you know, I'm just not going to work. If you don't have like, a supportive Mom, if you don't have like a supportive Dad, if you don't have some type of supportive family, you're not going to have that luxury. You know. It's just not I hear so many women say oh, yeah, no, a job is just not an option. I'm sorry, but that has not been my case. You know, so I want to talk to you from my perspective. I know some women that have been able to do it. But they either lived with their mom or they I'm sorry. I was raised in foster care. I was adopted later and did not have a good relationship with my adopted family. So, I had to struggle I had to do it by myself on my own.
**1. HAVE A JOB:
- 1 Timothy 5:8: But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
- Build the Foundation: It will take you ten times longer. You are a single mom without support. You have to have the job support you.
If you have that same story as me you need to lock in and listen up because there is a way that you can still make it and still give your babies everything that you want to give them, but it has to be done with a job. Okay, you have to work your nine-to-five. And that nine to five is going to help you reach your dreams. Here's the thing about the nine-to-five it can't be any old. wrinkling job, right? Take a sip of my coffee before it gets cold.
It has to be a job that aligns with what you're already doing. Right so let's say. For example, I'm a real estate so when I decided to go after a job, the job that I wanted to go for was property management. I thought that that was so fitting, and it really worked out and it tied all things together. So don't just go for any job, go for a stable job. And if you can't find a job and what you want to do, you know, definitely get a nine-to-five office job. I'm not telling you to go get a job where you know, like it's food service and you're working all times a night Listen, or where it's just retail. Any type of service job is going to be like that. But I think that when your kids are home at night, you need to be home at night. You know, you need to be the one bathing them and you need to be the one sleeping, putting them to sleep, and laying down with them until they go to sleep because there are things that are happening to them during the day that you can't see and you're not going to be able to protect them from those things. If you're not talking to them every day. There is just you them going to school and you working at night, and you have never seen them that that's wack and y'all need to not do that. Okay. I can tell you from experience that in the long run, you may think that it's working now but it's not working. Now it's not it's never going to work. Because in the long run what you're going to end up experiencing is your children dealing with either extreme delinquency or any type of deviant behavior, you're going to see either self-harm or harm of others because a child is so very fragile in the beginning. And they need the nurturing. They need you to nurture them. They need your hugs. They need your kisses they need, you know, for you to reassure them. They're so insecure at a very young age and that is the time that is the most susceptible for you to be able to you know, give them that reassurance when they are young, they need that you cannot not do that. And I had some hard battles with my oldest with suicide attempts and you know, a lot of deviant behavior a lot of well I'm not going to listen to mom because she doesn't love me anyway. Right. So, which was not the case, you know, as a single mom, I had to work two jobs. And I had to make sure that I was, you know, the provider because we were left wanting and I had to do that for my oldest daughter. And you know why? Looking back at it now. It could have been so much different. But because I was so young, I didn't have first of all, our brain isn't fully developed until well into our 20s, maybe mid-20s to late 20s. And when I say our brain isn't fully developed, that's the part of the brain that is responsible for risk management. It's not fully developed, and you can't you don't know how to troubleshoot as well as you should. So, as an adult to live in adult life, you need to be able to, you know, troubleshoot as a parent, and I just did not have it. But in my mind, I knew I needed to provide so I had two jobs, and it left my baby very vulnerable to abuse. And it was horrible. She was you know, molested, and tortured at a very, very early age and a daycare in a babysitter's house. So, I don't recommend that and that was an overnight kind of situation like I'm working at night. I don't recommend that. So, try to stay away from that if you possibly can. So, you have to have a stable job you have to, in my opinion, be nine to five so that you can be at home with your babies when they're going to sleep. And they're their most relaxed and they can tell you everything that happened in their day because that's important. Aside from playing with them. And the time when they're lying down, that's when they're most relaxed and they will tell you everything. So, second, you need to find a cheap rental again. You know my story, so this is not for the single mom who has support from her parents, you know I won't knock anybody's hustle. I won't knock anybody's you know, struggle. But it's a different type of struggle when you're doing it by yourself. I struggle when you don't have anybody, not even mom to lean back on like you have to grind. You have to like hustle.
**2. Find a very cheap rental:
- At least a one-bedroom: That way when you work, you’re able to turn on the lights and close the kid’s room door.
That brings me to my next point. Second on the list would be you have to find a cheap rental. There is no reason why you need to have a three-bedroom house. Unless you're like on Section Eight or something. You need to find a cheap rental because this house is supposed to be the temporary home that you're in while you're building your dreams is not supposed to be you know, your forever home. So if you're looking for a forever home and a rental you got to stop that you know, because you're going to need to be able to have money put aside while you're not making a lot of money when you're in this nine to five you need to be able to put money aside to create an effective budget you cannot live off of a savings living off of a savings then what happens when there's an emergency so no, we get a cheap rental. What I did was I got a cheap rental. It was a one-bedroom. The living room was really small. It was tiny. It reminded me of a tiny home. But what I felt was that I needed just a one bedroom just make sure that you get a one-bedroom don't go any smaller because you need to be able to close the door so you can turn on the lights or anything like that, you know gives you studio vibes you have to stay away from it because even now you know if I would have been filming this and the door would have been or it would have been a studio style apartment. My daughters would have woken up my kids would have woken up, so I stayed away from studios, but I tried to get something super cheap.
**3. Create a Budget:
- Track Income and Expenses: Make a detailed list of your monthly income and all expenses, including fixed costs like rent, utilities, and groceries, as well as variable expenses.
- Set Spending Limits: Allocate specific amounts to different spending categories and stick to these limits to avoid overspending.
So, the next thing would be you want to make sure that you create a budget now here's the thing right to be ultra-effective and to be to come out on top in this situation to be successful. You have to create a quarterly budget not create a monthly budget. monthly budgets leave too. It leaves too many rooms too much room for error. And you don't want to leave room for error. Because of what will happen in the quarterly budget, and this is what's happening in the monthly budget. And this is why we're losing so much by the end of the quarter because all right we think we have money in January. Oh, good and we have that money. Bam. That's great. This is what we're going to do we have that money. And then we go towards March now in January. We're good, right? In January. We're super, super good. But then we have that extra expensive February that hits us that we don't realize Oh, Shoo. Now my savings have dwindled. Now I don't have what I thought I was going to have in March. Now March rolls around and when you try to pay your rent, you're at a negative and you have to go find a loan. You have to be so stable for your kids and yourself. You don't get to play around with this anymore. You have to do a quarterly budget if you want to be able to over-survive right, we're trying to self-actualize is all about making sure that we make it to the next level and we cannot make it to the next level. If we're working on surviving. If we're working on shelter on food, you know, because this is what ends up happening is when you're not budgeting that the budget by a quarterly means then what you end up doing is you end up running around all over the place right all over town looking for rental assistance programs like I'm not knocking rental assistance you need to do that if you're a single mom but what is the issue is that when you have to sit at DSS for an entire day just to be able to talk to a worker and I am in New York you know so I'm primarily when I say DSS, I am talking about the Department of Social Services. If you're in Florida, then you're talking about DCF you know, but in Florida, things are a little different, right? In which I'm sure that things are a little different in other states. Primarily. The point is that you have to spend an entire day or two days or three days looking for different assistance programs going door to door, you know from the organization or organization trying to figure out who is going to give you the money that you have short for the rent. That is so not cool. And we got to stay away from doing that. Because that's I don't want to do that. I wouldn't want to do that. I've done it. I don't want to do that. So, make sure that you create that. That quarterly budget and you track your income and expenses. That's so important. You know, I did create an Excel that pulls everything over to the next month and the next pay period and the next pay period and all you have to do is plug in I'll make sure that I'll give you guys a link, but the next thing is setting spending limits. Listen, setting spending limits goes it ties all in with tracking your income and expenses and making sure that you create that quarterly budget. Start with a quarterly budget. Once you have graduated the quarterly budget and you feel like you know you're in there like swimwear, then you might want to go to a bi-annual budget. The bi-annual budget is where it's at, you know, and then making like an entire year's budget, but graduates don't get there you know, you start first grade and second grade and third grade right you don't go from first grade to fifth grade. So don't push yourself have grace on yourself. You know, that's all part of being financially savvy is having that grace on yourself. The third, what would I say?
**4. Emergency Fund:
- Build a Safety Net: Save a portion of your income in an emergency fund. Having savings can help you cover unexpected expenses without jeopardizing your financial stability.
Let me see so the fourth main thing would be emergency fund, emergency fund, emergency fund emergency fund girl. Get you in emergency fund those things are like it is the latest iPhone. emergency funds are so much more on point than anything else. The thing that's always hit me has been emergencies. You don't want to get into an emergency and have absolutely no funds to help you fix it. You know what? The average car repair is anywhere from five to 500 to $1,000. How are we going to be able to cover the rent and take care of this emergency if you're already on paycheck to paycheck? If you aren't paycheck to paycheck, you have to, you know, get it together, because you're not going to be able to survive paycheck to paycheck and I don't know where you get hit with this emergency that you have to take care of because for whatever reason, maybe it's your car. Car emergencies, man I feel like it's like the thing and I wouldn't want to get caught with another car emergency. Luckily for me, my support system is real, I've got some real ones on my team. So luckily for me, I'm able to you know, have a ride to work where I otherwise would not have been able to have a ride to work and I mean, I live an hour away from work with this New York traffic. So um, yeah, I got some real ones on my team. So that emergency fund is so important. And you know, having that nine to five while you're building your dreams is going to be important too. Because when you have a stable nine-to-five, that's usually an office job. You usually get bonuses at the end of the year. You know, and those bonuses are awesome because those bonuses, kind of piggyback on that.
**5. Prioritize Essential Expenses:
- Needs vs. Wants: Distinguish between essential needs and discretionary spending. Prioritize essential expenses like housing, food, utilities, and healthcare.
So, my next point would be prioritizing essential expenses. You know, getting what we've done is not essential. I'm sorry, I don't know who needed to hear that. But getting what we've done is not essential. You know not if you're going to put it on credit. And then your credit is going to start going down. Listen, that credit is a one-state sauce. You have to make sure that you have credit because, without good credit, your credit is like your boyfriend. You have to start seeing it like that, right? Because if you don't, then you're going to keep screwing around with your credit. And then you are not going to be able to do anything, you cannot be your support. And at this point, you have to be your support. This is the whole reason why we do you know why we're trying to self-actualize and have all these things. You have to make sure that you prioritize your needs versus your wants. You need the rent, right? You cannot keep buying clothes and going to get your nails done. I was dealing with a tenant the other day and God helped me I was trying to save her from getting evicted. But what I can find out was that she was a young girl who always had super elaborate nails, guys, unless you're doing it yourself. Everybody knows everybody knows that these super elaborate nails are very expensive. They're very expensive. One time my daughter got these super elaborate nails, and it cost me $120 I was not happy. And I got yelled at like, no you asked me. You asked me if it's already enough that I'm getting your nails done. But you asked me next time we're not doing all that. Okay? So, you have to prioritize. When you go shopping for some clothes, and then you can't pay your rent. Where are you going to put all these clothes? Where are they going? In a box in storage if you can even afford it? You know because storage units are not cheap. Okay. And it's, it's expensive. So, prioritize.
**6. Explore Government Assistance Programs:
- Research Available Assistance: Check if you qualify for government assistance programs, such as food assistance, housing vouchers, or childcare support. These programs can provide valuable financial relief.
Now, the next point is to explore government assistance programs. I was talking to a guy the other day who retired his mom, and his mom is now you know, she's not working anymore. And I was like you need to get like food stamps. You need to get like, you know, put your mom on disability, apply for it, wait for it to come. That's a waiting game all on its own and she's disabled. She needs to get it. And he didn't look like he wanted to hear too much about the assistance. And I'm like man pride comes before the fall. If you're a single mom, you need to get every piece of ounce of assistance that you can get if you can qualify for WIC get that wait girl. If you can qualify for food stamps, get the food stamps, you know that food stamps kept me on the map. Do you even say if you can get child care, get childcare? Get it and stop playing around you guys. This is important. Okay. Another thing about government assistance, right? is going to give them the Pell Grant. There's so much money in school. You know, whether it's scholarships, scholarships, that's not money that you're, you know, you're going to have to earn that money but there are so many grants.
**7. Child Support and Alimony:
- Know Your Rights: If applicable, ensure that you receive the child support or alimony you are entitled to. Familiarize yourself with legal processes to enforce these payments if necessary.
Now, the next point is child support and alimony. Child Support has been the fight of my and my ex's entire relationship, down to when we got married. It was like the basis of our fight. It was bad. It was bad. So, I know that here in Florida in New York, they have a law where if the mother has been part of some type of domestic violence, she doesn't have to put her children's father on child support. So, it kind of like protects, in a sense, but if other than that, put him on the chalkboard. Put him on child support. Stop playing girl. Stop. Listen. If he gets mad, he's on child support. That man is a thief. He is a thief. He's not a father. He's a thief. And he is expecting you to pay all of No., Okay? What happened like for me, for example, I kept having to go to the hospital, take off of work, you know all these different things to support my oldest daughter who had a lot of suicidal thoughts and attempts and all of that. And what happens when, you know, you have to have that extra support when you need money for childcare when there is a copay? When all these different things happen. You have to get it from him. He is responsible for that child. And it's not just your responsibility. And don't you dare feel guilty for putting him on child support? Cut it out. Like y'all, you have no idea the trauma that I've gone through because of child support. Put him on child support. How dare he think that he's not supposed to provide for his children because he doesn't live with you? After all, you guys are not together. I don't need to be with you, for you to provide. I remember my ex once asked me why you don’t get my boyfriend to pay the child support my boyfriend is not responsible for these kids. Do you get what I'm saying? And I was a younger girl at the time. Oh, ciao, but put him on child support. alimony. I'm going to leave that there. I don't I'm you know; I'm not trying to kill him. I just need him to take care of these kids. He doesn't have to take care of me, but he can take care of his kids.
**8. Education and Career Development:
- Invest in Yourself: Consider furthering your education or acquiring new skills to enhance your career prospects. This investment can lead to better job opportunities and increased income.
Okay, so my next point would be education and career though. You have to make sure that you're bettering yourself. You have to make sure that you're doing this for your kids. Because more money means more stability. Bottom line, if you have you know, the extra coming in, right? There are a lot of jobs that will look at you like you know, you're less than because you don't have the special training from Hey, from bachelor’s program that probably didn't change anything. I'm just saying. But I think that a bachelor's program too, really shows commitment. It shows stability because for you to finish a four-year program it needs you need stability, you do so and go after some career development, whether you're getting certified in certain things. Some colleges will give you a degree based on certificates and life experiences. So, take that into account.
**9. Insurance Coverage:
- Protect Your Family: Ensure you have adequate health, life, and property insurance coverage. Insurance can safeguard your family's financial well-being in case of unexpected events.
The next thing I want to say is insurance coverage. Guys, I am a big proponent of whole life insurance, you have to get it, and also in getting whole life insurance that leads me to the next thing. Don't go for one that's super expensive. That's not the goal. You know, the goal is to make sure that um, you know, you are you have a life insurance plan that can go into your budget, and you don't have to worry about how you're going to make your bills and the life insurance plan. My uncle had a $200,000 plan for $10 a month when I saw it. I was so mad because I was paying $150 a month for a $200,000 plan and I was way younger than him you know, so like where make that make sense, you know? So, you know health insurance. So, the thing about health insurance, right? If you're not getting it through your job, I definitely would recommend getting Medicaid. Like, stop to pray. Okay, remember, pride comes before the fall so we're not trying to get there.
**10. Negotiate Bills and Expenses:
- Explore Discounts: Negotiate bills and explore discounts whenever possible. Many service providers offer discounts or assistance programs for single parents.
So, the next thing I would say is to negotiate your bills and expenses. I had T Mobile for the longest. And at the time I was getting I was making 58 550 8500 a year. And by the way, it's the law you have to get paid 58,500 in Suffolk County, that's the law. So, when I saw that, and I ended my rent I think at the time was like 1800. So, making that much money to you know the debt ratio. It was just like, I was throwing, throwing that was throwing away money. And when it came time for a huge emergency. I didn't have it. I did not have it. I didn't have it because I was throwing away money. Then I came and I saw my T Mobile bill this ridiculous T Mobile bill that I was paying $300 For some odd reason a month and I said What am I spending three? In the beginning, I used to look at the bill and be like, wow, that's outrageous and still pay it like a crazy person. But no, those days are completely over you. If you can find like a bundle. Get a bundle I know here in New York. There's for optimum internet. You can get internet and phone service and get $15 off of your internet and get the phone service for $45 a month. And then on top of that, you can get $30 off of your internet bill. Because if you have assistance so if you're able to apply for this assistance program and it's able to be verified that you get food stamps or Medicaid or whatever, then you also get that Lord look for deals like that. Don't stop shopping there's a Chinese proverb that says that a wise man shops and more than three stores for whatever it is that he's looking for. Shop around. Don't settle. You don't have to settle you know, that's the good thing about tax list country like a capitalist society. We're able to go to many different businesses and shops. We have a market. We have that and use it. It's at your disposal.
**11. Save for Future Goals:
- Long-Term Planning: Set savings goals for major expenses, such as your child's education or buying a home. Establishing savings goals will help you plan for the future.
So, the next thing I would say is save for future goals. You know, I don't like being in a car payment. I don't want to be in a car.
I don't want it I rather put $1,000 aside and make sure that I have money for it if in case the car you know, needs work done. I have that boom. But I'm making sure that I have enough savings to buy another car, right? So off top, that's $6,000 I need to have that in my savings account to be able to maneuver certain situations. Right. You don't want to get caught not doing the right thing because you can't afford it. You can't afford it and the minute that you start losing on your finances. You have to go running around looking for assistance. Like I said, so.
**12. Debt Management:
- Prioritize High-Interest Debt: If you have debts, focus on paying off high-interest debt first. Consider debt consolidation or negotiation with creditors to make repayment more manageable.
My next point would be debt management. Don't put everything as a matter of fact, anything is your credit cards I know that people say credit utilization guys. I've tried 30% A to hit my credit. It hit my credit. So, you have to like I said, you have to you treat your credit like your main man. Like that's he that's he, is it? Is it because he's the one who's going to be buying you all your pretty things? That's him that credit so maybe debt management, okay. Make sure that you know, you don't go over the top now. Educating yourself on financial strategies is a thing you have to get there. You got to get there you have to start looking for content to help you there are a lot of experts that you can get, you know, advice from you can read books, there are wealth books that you can read, that will help you understand wealth better, will help you understand different bank assets, banking assets that will help you know, like annuity accounts, Roth IRAs, these things are precious. Because when you counsel like this, you become the bank to the bank. And then you get to charge them a margin. And when you're charging them that margin is the interest. Right? So, all right I'm going to lend this to you, but what are you going to give me a return? And there's a lot of places that you're able to, you know, do that with. So, and there's a lot of accounts that you're able to do that with so you want to make sure that you're really like jumping on board with that.
**14. Seek Support and Community:
- Community Resources: Connect with local support groups, community organizations, or social services that can provide assistance, advice, and a sense of community.
Last but not least, I have to say, guys, seek support and community. You have you need stability. For this one. You're going to need to stay in one place for this. You cannot hop around from house to house from town to town from state to state. You need to stay put in one place. No more moving around. Because then you start working on your stability in that state or that place. And then you move and here goes all your stability down the drain all your support you're not going to be able to find other people like that. When God brings people into your life. cherish those people. Cherish the people who are there for you. You know, I’ve got your back doing everything that you need. And then when you have the opportunity, like when your taxes come spot them a little and do something nice for them, you know, they're going to appreciate that because people are accounts. I see everyone in my life as a bank account. Let me explain. You have to put something into that relationship. You have to deposit an act into that relationship. Whatever kind of act of love it is you have to deposit that you have to make sure that you know you're giving into that relationship. Whether it's a gentle thank you or a gentle compliment, right?
Whether it is honestly a card. A box attracts a coffee, you know, doesn't always have to be gifts. You could try to be there for him. Hey, can I help you with that? Right? If you're on that personal level with them, you could hug them. But if you know and I'm not that I'm very, very affectionate, not everyone is right. So, we want to make sure that we're keeping these things appropriate to lunch, right? And it's not always easy when you don't have the money. But when you start thinking in terms of the long term, I need to nurture this relationship so that I can keep receiving fruit from this relationship. You have to do that because people are accounts. Okay. That's why the Bible, talks about being reconciled to your brother, that word reconciliation that's an accounting term, for you when you are reconciled to your brother. What is saying is you're taking this account in this account and you're reflecting them you're putting them together to see where the discrepancy is. So, you guys can fix it and you guys can forgive each other. So, I didn't get I didn't get this from myself. This is a biblical thing that people are accounts and love is currency. And the more love you put into a relationship the more you know money is sent to you and have in that account. However, the more that you show up late to work, right? That's your relationship with your boss. The more that you're not doing your work, the more that you're not picking up the slack. In that sense, you are putting a debt on that account. So, and even with your friends, the more that you give me, give me give me I don't give you nothing, nothing, nothing. We're going to have to work on that and fix that because we need to make sure that we're nurturing our support system. And our support system is what's going to give us everything we need if there are rules right, if they have rules to whatever it is that they're doing. We have to respect their boundaries. That's part of putting a deposit into that account. Okay, now I want to say this because your finances are the foundation, okay? And how you're dealing with the list of things that I just explained and described. They are your foundation; you're going to have to put these in place because they're systems you need systems in place to survive to thrive. Okay. So, I'll share this with you because this one is really important, right? So, having this job, this one was my hardest lesson because I kept thinking No, I need to focus. I need to, you know, go after what it is that I felt like God was telling me to do, and, yeah, definitely wasn't doing that. And then I found the scripture, and the Scripture is First Timothy Five, Verse eight, but if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Do you know, an unbeliever isn't just someone who doesn't believe in Christ, who doesn't believe in God, and an unbeliever or someone who doesn't believe in themselves? Who doesn't believe in you? Who doesn't believe in anyone? Because this is like believing in yourself is everything. You're never going to be able to make it if you don't believe in yourself because nobody else does. Your dream and your vision. Nobody will be able to understand it, nobody will be able to see it. People will think you're crazy because they see it may look a little all over the place. And people may not understand what you're doing. You have to believe in yourself. But what Scripture is saying here is that if you don't provide for the members of your household as a single mom, you don't have the luxury. You don't have the luxury to go in taking your money away. You know, you don't have the luxury to go and give money away when you're not. When you're not creating the systems and putting these systems in place so you can be successful. You are gambling with your children's lives, you know, and that and you're gambling with their lives because that makes them sick. That makes them sick, and then they don't even want to be home. You know, depression is the leading mental illness. And there's a reason for that, you know, this is a spiritual warfare. And I didn't understand as a young girl that spiritual warfare is it results in the physical because everything in the unseen everything in the scene was made from the unseen. So, you have to make sure that you're taking care of your household because when you're not taking care of your household, you're essentially, you're allowing things to attach to you that you don't want to attach to you. You know, this is worse than an unbeliever. The book of Revelation calls that the dog spirit. Now that dog spirit. That dark spirit is all things how all things evil. Well, guys, that's all the time I have for today.
