Parenting Tips to Getting Your Teens To Finally Open Up to You

Positive Parenting - Teens

Positive Parenting Tips on Getting Through to Your Teens - What to do when you're down to your wits end!

 Communication & Understanding 

1. Respect Their Independence 
2. Set clear expectations 
3. Be a role model
4. Encourage responsibility
5. Get comfortable with the sex talk 
6. Be patient and empathetic 
7. Set aside quality time
8. Encourage healthy habits
9. Seek support when needed

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Transcript

Positive Parenting Tips on Getting Through to Your Teens

Parenting a teenager can be challenging but also incredibly rewarding. Parenting your teens should look like a love story, one of romance. If they run, go after them, look for them. Here are some tips to help navigate this phase:

 
Summary

1. Communication: Let them talk. Keep the lines of communication open with your teen. Be approachable and listen actively to what they have to say, even if you don't always agree with their perspective. Remember communication is best had through the Five Love Languages. 
2. Respect their independence: They are becoming adults. This is a perfect time to see the types of mistakes they’ll make when they are outside of your home. Teens are exploring their identity and seeking autonomy. Respect their need for independence while still setting boundaries and providing guidance.
3. Set clear expectations: Be consistent. Make sure your consequences have an end. They CAN NOT be grounded until the end of time. Don’t be a drama queen. Remember your words can haunt you and send your teen running!! Establish clear rules and consequences and be consistent in enforcing them. This helps teens understand boundaries and know what is expected of them. Teens don’t understand that we can’t go to parties and hang out all the time. Talk to them and level with them. 
4. Be a role model: If you don’t want your teen to smoke, don’t smoke! Your actions speak louder than words. Model the behavior you want to see in your teen, whether it's managing stress, handling conflict, or practicing healthy habits.
5. Encourage responsibility: Praise them when they succeed. Praise them when they fail. Give your teen opportunities to take on responsibilities and make decisions. This helps build confidence and prepares them for adulthood.
6. Stay involved: Your teen’s reproductive system is fully developed during puberty. Be empathetic and understand that by biology, they are ready to mate. Stay involved in your teen's life, whether it's through school activities, hobbies, or simply spending quality time together. Show interest in their interests and be supportive of their goals.
7. Be patient and empathetic: Don’t be the ice queen! Treat your teen like a friend because they are. Honey attracts more than vinegar. Understand that adolescence is a time of change and growth, both physically and emotionally. Be patient with your teen and try to empathize with their struggles and challenges.
8. Set aside quality time: If you have other children, this will need to happen with just them. Snuggles are best, especially if your teen loves rubs, hugs, and kisses. Make time to spend one-on-one with your teen, doing activities they enjoy. This can strengthen your bond and provide opportunities for meaningful conversations.
9. Encourage healthy habits: We have to teach the art of self-love. Encourage your teen to prioritize their physical and mental health by eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and managing stress effectively.
10. Seek support when needed: PMS is a thing. When a woman is on her cycle, estrogen is through the rough. Look for solutions to your own emotions to help your teens regulate theirs. Parenting a teenager can be tough, and it's okay to ask for help when you need it. Whether it's from other parents, a support group, or a therapist, don't hesitate to reach out for support and guidance.

Transcript

Positive Parenting Tips for Your Teen

Wed, Feb 14, 2024, 6:33 AM • 53:34.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

child, love, kids, teen, seeking, team, Chinese food, raising, understand, friendships, encourage, daughter, remember, mom, friend, parenting, nurturing, bible, support, encouraging

00:12

Hey guys, today I wanted to talk to you guys about positive parenting!

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tips

00:22

on getting through to your teens. So hey, oh my Gosh

00:31

Geez Louise. Parenting a teen is not easy.

00:38

It is extremely difficult sometimes; you know because I think they're just getting the gist of their independence. And not only that but understanding that their reproductive system is completely developed, you know, for a girl, you know for a guy Yes, his reproductive system is also developed a for Girl Oh Em Gee. This is why girls are so dramatic. This is why it goes down in the girl’s locker room. Because

01:29

estrogen is pumping. Do

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like yeah, that's what the cycle is estrogen. That's what the monthly cycle is. Estrogen is pumping and I mean it is pumping. Okay. And so that's what I wanted to talk to you guys about today. In a lot of the issues that I've had with my team

01:59

I wouldn't want anyone I

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wouldn't want my worst enemy to have these issues. Please. Oh, I'm G. Oh my god. All right. So, the first thing I want to talk to you guys today about is communication and understanding. If your teen is the oldest in the house, we need to understand that there has been trauma. I don't care who you are. The first one always gets it the worst. Because we're super inexperienced. We don't know what we're doing. We don't know what we're doing, and we can't help that. Because a lot of the time if you've had your first child before the age of I would say 2526 Maybe even 27 your brain wasn't fully developed.

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So

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you were really like all odds were really against you. And then if you didn't have active grandparents odds were really against you because the grandparent is the one who gives all of the nurturing, you know, when mom does go back to work, and if the father wasn't involved, then triple whammy right because now here's this child who doesn't have

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a caregiver that's connected to the child.

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You know, I wouldn't say you know, a caregiver that doesn't love or care for the child. But a caregiver that isn't connected to the child, right? And a lot of the times when they're growing up, especially if the caregiver comes in after the child is, you know, not such a baby anymore. There's no connection, right because the connection happens when a child is a baby. So, with my oldest daughter, with my team, she had a lot of issues with me never being there. And those sucks. That sucks for a teen because especially going into their teen years believing that their mom never loved them. It's hard. Right? How and I grew up in a household where I'm not your friend. I'm your mama, right? And that is not Biblically sound, because if there's a scripture that talks about him being our Heavenly Father, and then it says that he is he no longer considers us slaves but friends. Then who are you to tell me you're not my friend? You're the enemy. If you're not my friend, think about it. What message are you relating to your team? Communication is key and taking care of the way that you're communicating with your team. Is everything. Because if you're not communicating a bond, what you're doing is you're communicating. I want you out of my house and the baby's three years old. I'm not your friend. I'm your mama it how So you mean to tell me that? Especially if you guys bounce around. You mean to tell me that you guys have you haven't stayed in a stable place long enough to give this child stability to build friendships because friendships aren't built overnight. Let's just be real, right? Friendships take time. And if that's the case, then how are you? How are you preparing your teen to be able to fortify friendships and you won't even be her friend? How are you reeling your child in to come and tell you things that are happening at school if you're not her friend? You're not her friend? You're the enemy. Oh, guys, I had such a hard time with this. You know, a child is to be seen and not heard. A child is to speak when spoken to you're not raising a child. You're raising a slave. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I remember my grandma once told my mom you know girl for every one word you have, she has five. And my mom and I used to have these elaborate conversations. You know, this is why this and this is why this is that but what my grandma did was in her very old-school way of thinking right? And unfortunately, this happens a lot in black families. So, it with her old school way of thinking she came and she told my mom yeah

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she you shouldn't be having a conversation with her. It shouldn't even

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be a conversation. She needs to say she needs to do as you say and shut up. That's not a friendship. Nor is it a relationship. Right? Think of how Abraham talks to God. Right? Think of how Abraham talks to God and how He in the way intercession goes, intercession isn't a one-step thing. And Abraham showed us that right because when he went to intercede for Sodom and Gomorrah, he contested for them at least I don't remember it was like three or four times. Yeah, but Lord, if you find so many worthies Will you destroy the Land and God went back in conversation. I no longer consider you slaves. But friends in conversation. Yeah. But you know, yes, if I find that many worthy, I won't destroy it. And then Abraham goes back, you have a lord. If you find so many, will you destroy it? And then God comes back and says, no, Abraham, if I find so many, I will destroy it. And then Abraham goes back, and he kept going back, he kept going back. So

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he was questioning God. Because think about it, what he was doing was asking him.

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questions. So, what was he doing? He was questioning God. Your children are willing the right to question what you're doing, and to ask you what you're doing because if you don't communicate with them, this is why I'm doing this, and this is this is what I'm doing. This is why I'm doing it. You're not communicating with them. The rules, you're not communicating with them what needs to be done, you're not communicating with them growth. Right. So open communication is huge. It's a big thing because it leads to understanding and when you have understanding you have love. That's Bible. That's scripture. Okay, so this is big.

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I don't want to Overpass this one

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point as if it's not as big as it is because it is, you know, your children need to feel safe at home and they need to be able to ask questions, and they need to be able to speak don't raise your babies like a slave. Let me tell you what ends up happening when you do, right because that's how I raised my oldest daughter. A child is to speak when spoken to a child is to be seen and not heard. Get those slave sayings out of your mind because your wealth is your children. When you get old and wrinkly Listen, once an adult twice a child if you didn't have a caregiver growing up, who was loving and affectionate, raise a caregiver for your old age to be affectionate and loving. It's important. This is the child that you're raising to take care of you and take care of your grandbabies. I can't stress this enough guy. I made my daughter sick with this kind of mentality. I made her sick, and suicidal, where she to the point where she did not want to be home for four years, and she had rather cut instead of being home.

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Do y'all feel like i

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and then one day she finally came out and said Mom, you've never loved me. You'd never cared. I had a talent show once she told me I had a talent show that went in during her year of healing because she had a year of rapid, rapid growth. And during this period, she came out and said, Mom, you never loved me. I had a talent show and you didn't come. You didn't come to my talent show. And I said, What talent show? She was like I had a talent show in first grade. And then I was like, I know I don't remember that. And she's like I told Daddy. Now this is a time when I was going through a divorce. And she I was like I didn't your dad never told me about a talent show. And then she stayed quiet. She's like you didn't know. I was like, No. And then she goes, you know when I came up on the talent show, I hoped that you guys were going to come. And when I came on the stage, I looked for you in the crowd. And I ran off the stage when I didn't see you and I cried myself to sleep that night. And I believe that you guys didn't love me. This was in first grade. This child, guys think about it. This is first grade. This is six, or seven years old. She didn't come out with this information till she was 13 years old because she was raised in a household where a child has to be seen and not heard. And I mean extreme suicidal thoughts. I mean, extreme suicidal attempts. Guys, this way of thinking this way of parenting is not it and if you are parenting this way, you got to get away from it. Because you're raising, you're raising a suicidal case. You're raising an anger case; this child will grow up and be in the system. This child will grow up and be in psychiatric hospitals. It will make your child sick because we all need a friend. Why do you think Christ died?

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Think about it.

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Why do you think he died? Because it wasn't until the new Genesis that he came out and said I no longer consider you slaves but friends. I'm giving you the secrets of the kingdom.

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How will your child ever be able to top

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open doors if you don't give them the secrets of the kingdom and the Bible calls the secrets of the kingdom the keys of the kingdom? How will your child ever be able to open doors your child will always be stuck in the same place in a place of poverty and then you will teach your grandchildren that inevitably your grandchildren won't know what to do. Generational curses and wealth happen through

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children.

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So I tell you this from a place of extreme pain from a place of four years of hospitalizations running to the hospital every week. At one point my daughter went to the hospital every week for six months because of the way that the laws are set up in Florida. They're not set up to help children with psychiatric needs back. Okay, so definitely communicate. Foster an open relationship with your teens love them furiously and go after them. Because communication is what makes you human. Um, listen for those of you in the back that didn't get it. Communication makes you whew men and I wouldn't want y'all to go through the pain that I went through with my child. If you if I'm talking to you and your child is still in the, in the you know elementary school age go after your kids. Like it's a romance. Your relationship with your children should be romantic. It should be man. How can I What can I buy to make them feel special? What can I say to make them feel special? What can I do to make them feel special? It should always be in the honeymoon stage. That relationship with your children. That is the one who's going to love you when you're old. Who's going to change your pamper? I'm telling you want to be thrown into a nursing home. I heard stories about the nursing homes you got to stay away from I'm telling you love your kids. Like it's nobody's business. What do you want to go out and you don't want to bring my kids? I can't be your friend. I can’t how I incorporate our friendship into the friendship I have with my best friends.

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If you don't want them around, I don't want you around.

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If I have to pick somebody, it's going to be my kids. If I have to put my kids in danger to hang out with you, I don't want to you're not my friend. And if you don't want what's best for my kids, you are not my friend. Definitely. You are not my friend. And I can’t be seen with the likes of you. It's important. My kids are everything. Listen, and if you don't protect these friendships with your kids, you're going to pay for them. Financially, you're going to pay for them. You don't take it off of work. To go you know deal with their misbehaviors Can I tell you something?

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This happens when you're not your kids’ friends and it is costly. So, moving on.

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The next thing I want to talk about is respect for their independence. Part of their reproductive system being fully developed these guys are ready. Do you understand that their body is ready to have sex? Their mind is ready. Sorry. I'll take that back because no, their mind is not ready. Their body is ready, but their mind hasn't caught up and that is where we get scared. But

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you don't smother they're your kids. Okay.

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Something I did for my team. And you can think whatever you want to, but I have to tell you, you have to protect your household. This scripture says that he who does not provide for the members of his household is worse than an unbeliever. And we have to think about what the unbelieving spirit is. Think about it. That lady that came to Christ and said you know, Lord, heal my daughter. And he didn't answer. Some scriptures say he ignored her. But he didn't answer at first and then the Bible says that she began to worship him. So, she asked him again in the Bible calls that worship. That's another topic for another time. But hey, throwing that in there. Now she began to worship him, and she said, Lord, please heal my daughter. And Jesus turned around to him, and he was like, it's not right for me to take the food out of the children of the mouths of Israel and give it to the little dogs. People say that he wasn't calling her a dog guys. He was calling her a dog. Okay. In Revelation, it says that horror mongers were too funny, horror mongers. idolaters, adulterers, liars, they don't make it to heaven. Okay. Along with dogs, why? Because it gives you a description of this spirit. Spirits are animals. Period. Okay, in the beginning of time when it says that God created the fowls of the air after their kind, and God created the creatures of the land. after their kind, and God created the creatures of the sea after their kind. Now, what is he saying? That the scene is made from the unseen scripture, right? So now we fast forward to the second Genesis, Matthew. Jesus is telling the disciples were flustered because they couldn't take, they couldn't cast the evil spirit off of the child. And they were like, Lord why couldn't we, you know, why couldn't we deliver this child? Jesus says that this kind can only be cast out through prayer and fasting. What did Jesus tell them? That this animal spirit could only be cast out through prayer and fasting? So, what is the unbelieving spirit? Is the dog Why do you think that's all we see now? And people have a mess of pets. Oh, my God. People have them as pets. And if you have one in your house, you're having a hard time with your team. I suggest you take the dog out. And this is not I'm not an animal hater. This is that's not what I'm saying. Because you have to understand, I grew up with a mini zoo in my house. We bred snakes. We had 16 Snakes growing up in Australia Blue Tongue Skink, two Rottweilers that I loved I love Dora blossom. I'm sorry. I love my dogs. We had a rescue cat, who we named Tigger, who used to open up doors and flush toilets. Okay. Like we thought Tigger was half human. We thought ticker, but he used to run into everything. Doors, coffee table, Tigger, it had unbalanced whiskers. So, he just in many cases of vertigo, you understand what I'm saying? So, I love I love loved my animals. But growing up and fasting. The price I had to pay to understand what I understand now has extremely hurt. And the only reason why I'm coming to you with it is because I want you guys to be prepared and I want you guys to be fully equipped with the truth. It is what it is. Think about it. It is what it is. So, respecting their independence. You will have to make sure that you respect what they're going through.

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Okay, respect what's happening. And the Bible also says that a man's enemies will be the members of his household.

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Whenever I see my kids getting ready to fight with me, I'll look at what I do the way that I look into the spirit realm. Okay. And listen, the mind is the spirit all you're doing is looking at your memory. We don't have to you know, let's demystify the whole equation. Right simple math. One plus one. So, the way we look into the spirit realm is by looking into your memory, okay? If you need to close your eyes and look, this is what I do. If I want to look into the spirit realm and see what's happening in my kid’s spirit with anybody my boss, whatever I'll do is I'll close my eyes. And I will remember the place where I actively am in at the moment. And I'll see whatever's around if I see a dog, I already know that it has to do with unbelieving, but this is the beast of how the Bible says it. This is not you know, and those who worship its image, oh, now we're talking about the beast of hell. Think of all the things that the Bible said about the use of hell. Okay. So worshipping means believing means having faith in it to have faith means to believe in that thing. Okay, and we're casting down imaginations that raised themselves above the knowledge of God and we're taking every thought captive to obey Christ and that's obeying truth, obeying peace, obeying joy, my God, so respect their independence and pray for them. Pray for them actively. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. Okay, and prayer is looking into the spirit realm once in a while girl like I'm telling you, this is important. The next one I want to talk about is setting clear expectations. Listen, on the weekends and talking communication is key. Talking telling them Hey, we can't go out again. You know, I'm trying to build something for us. I'm trying to work my little butt off. My nine-to-five is taking care of the bills. The extra that I put is the icing on the cake. The nine-to-five is only baking the cake. I need to put the icing on the cake. I want to take amazing vacations and I'm not going to be able to do it on the salary. Do you understand what I'm saying? And I want to take more than one vacation aside from taxes. Do you get what I'm saying? This is important to set clear expectations. My daughter had this belief that she couldn't make friends outside of the hospital. So, she kept going back to the hospital when she needed a friend. Why was that because I refused to be her friend at home? When God showed me this, it wasn't one of my it wasn't a poverty facet. I did I was fasting from the spirit of poverty. I didn't know this at the time, but what I was fasting from was from the mindset of poverty. And once this clicked for me, I was like, what my kids are my wealth. Say no more. So set those clear. Expectations. Listen, I can't go out with you. Every weekend. I cannot buy Chinese food for you because you're in the hospital and I feel bad I can't guilt parents. Guys, Chinese food is $50 a pop. How are we going to be saving money for the house to buy the house if all we're doing, you know $50 Chinese food every week? You know what I need to have a budget for just you and my budget for the hospital to go out to eat because it's the only thing that we could do together right, but it isn't. We got you know, lie bust. So, setting those clear expectations. You know my daughter loves peanut butter and jellies. Great. Because that's the budget we're on honey okay and Chinese food out the window go buy a pack of meat is $10 and food samples cover it food stamps do not cover Chinese food. Okay. That's all I'm saying. Because listen check out single moms on a budget. How to manage your finances as a single mom. I'm just saying. Also, the next point that I want to bring up is to be a role model. If you don't want your teen to smoke, don't smoke. If you don't want your team to drink don't drink. Because Einstein said the best example is setting an example in your actions. The best example is your action. So how is your team going to know not to smoke and drink if you don't smoke and drink? How is your team going to know not to wear poom-poom shorts? You are aware of boom shorts. How is your teen going to know that she shouldn't be sleeping around with different men if that's what you are showing her? Every time you get a chance, you're showing her a new relationship. We can't do that. So if the way that we correct our team's actions is by showing them the rules don't tell them the rules show him the rules show them.

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Muscle memory is key because what

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you're doing is you're training a child train a child, raise a child in the way that they should go, and they will not depart. And that's that scripture. So, the next point I want to bring up is to encourage responsibility. We want to encourage positive parenting right so encouraging responsibility. This needs to be silent. And what I noticed for my kids is that if I had a sticker chart, as stupid as this may sound, right, don't think it's stupid because we're loving our kids like they are toddlers. Those are our babies. I wouldn't care if my daughter is 1315 1729 That's my baby. I will raise them. I will nurture them. I will love them. I will go through hell and high water to make sure that my child knows that I love them. Right and loving is peaceful. Love is Peace Love is quiet. It is it love is through action. And so, want to make sure

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that

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it listens. The brain has this mirror neuron effect. And whatever your child sees you do is what they will do. The brain is that way you don't have to scream, you know, or raise any type of cane. Just love them through action.

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Okay and

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encouraging responsibility would be you going to school? It's a tax write-off. Guys. Did you know that? It's a tax write off at least take one class a year. And that's an extra tax write-off that you're getting in your pocket. So, if you want to show your kids that school is important, show them it's important. Don't just tell them. Is it important to you? Are you taking extra classes? You take extracurricular activities, you know? Oh, the next one I want to talk about is getting comfortable with the sex talk. Guys. Get comfortable with that sex talk. You will need to talk sex with them so comfortably to the point where they come to you and tell you all kinds of crazy stuff. Don't be so uncomfortable. Don't be that uptight mom. It's not going to help you. Because when your teen needs help navigating what's happening with them and their bodies and the things that are one time my daughter came up to me and said oh, you know.

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I don't like him. He's a boy. And then she goes you know? He he's just you know,

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someone that I'm playing around with, I don't care. But he keeps coming and slapping me but the real person.

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I want the real boy I want.

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is so and so and She goes, I prefer my boyfriend. And then she named his name. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what we do, boo.

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But I came at her from a place of friendship, not from a mom, how dare you or I not say that? And I wasn't going you know to say that because what's important is that I was there for her to be there for her in a way where I can influence her decisions and what she does, especially with boys because we're not girls have many boys, you understand what I'm saying? Like, you don't ruin your reputation. So, I had that conversation with her. You don't want this boy doing that. Don't say you don't care. Because what you're giving this boy who you don't care about, really belongs to the person that you like. And this boy lives in your town. You're going to ruin your reputation, and he's not if he's doing that to you. And then he's also flirting with many girls. That's not the guy for you. You don't want this guy. And you have to protect the girl and protect your reputation above all else. What if word gets around to the boy you like?

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And the boy that you consider your boyfriend and the boy that you want to be with?

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And if he ruins it with that with him. Then you're not going to have the guy who treats you well. You're going to have a guy who treats you badly. He's going to ruin everything. So, you have to put guys like this in their place like, pronto. First thing in the morning you understand. What I'm saying? Like, got to go. No. I remember when I was little, this boy did that to me touch me on my butt and I punched him in the nose. Sorry, not sorry. And so, by the end of the conversation when I finish telling my daughter you know you we don't do that because then we'll lose out on the guy who's going to be the good guy to us. We'll lose us on the guy who we like. She was so receptive, though. All right, Ma.

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Thank you.

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I love you. And I could tell that the conversation took a turn. I didn't call her a whore. I pushed it off on the boy and I told her straight up No, that's not what we do. We are not going to do that. We have to be wholesome. Because if we're spread out among many guys, the one we want we're not one for him. We're bits and pieces for him. Oh, no, that's not what we do. We don't sleep around. We don't you know, and in 10 years you know, letting the boy that's not your boyfriend touch your butt that you know you got to punch him in the face. You got to do what you got to do. Hey, I don't want to encourage violence but I'm just saying like, no, you don't get to do that. And you got to put your foot down, especially with some guys because some guys are you know, get a little DVD when they see a pretty girl. So, moving on. The next thing I want to talk to you guys about is patience and empathy. Be patient. Be patient. Be patient, let your kids make mistakes. Let your kids make mistakes. Mistakes need to be made to program their bodies. There is nothing better. There's no other better way to teach your children responsibility and authority than with mistakes because mistakes are our best teachers. The program I better not do that again. In our in our muscles in our bodies. Okay. So be patient. And here's another thing, right? Stop yelling at your kids for making a mess. If you want to help them if you want them to clean so what if you don't do it? Remember you're teaching this child how to treat your grandbabies and how to treat you when you're older. What if they say to you and you, they really cannot? You really cannot get up out of bed as an old lady. And start cleaning after yourself What if they come to your house or your or whatever and say clean up this mess the way that you're doing to them? And your body isn't able anymore. They're in training. They're adults in training, so you have to train them okay, baby? Come on. Let's clean up and then start helping them clean up clean up everybody. Everybody everywhere you don't say so get down and dirty with your kids. Let's clean up Come on, baby. Let's start cleaning up Mommy. I'll help you. You know and do this with your teens. Treat the big babies as long as possible. Treat them with that love and affection and nurture them as long as possible. Guys, you are the nurturer that never stops. Okay. So be patient and think of the upside I remember one time he hit me, and I was like, I was upset that my seven-year-old was making a big mess. Now I went through a custody battle. I didn't have my son for two years I didn't see him I didn't smell him touch him love him anything. For two years. All we did was video chat because the custody battle got nasty. And

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after I got sick when I left him with his father,

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his father took advantage and refused to give me my son back and then pushed for supervised visitations because he read

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it every

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every blessing hurts. Understand that because it's a setup for you to get what you should get. And when this happened, I didn't see my son and then my daughter was in the hospital in the hospital for four years. So all I had was my middle child and she would make these messes and do and just be all over the place as a seven-year-old shut. And one day I got frustrated that she kept making a mess and a thought just dropped and remembered spirits are thoughts. So, I cast down imaginations that raised themselves above the knowledge of God and I take every thought captive to obey Christ, that word and conjoins imaginations and thoughts or thoughts. So the

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the thought came in and I said.

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how would you trade to clean up your son's mess? What would you trade to clean up your team's mess? That hit home that hit home and suddenly the mess I was grateful for the mess. Suddenly I was grateful that my seven-year-old was able with me and I was able to clean after her I suddenly had this love for the mess. And so that goes to say Be patient. Okay. Be patient and love your kids with empathy. So, the next thing is to set aside quality time, no matter what every day you have to spend quality time you have to play with your kids every day you have to show face. You have to show that they matter. You have to show them that they're important you have to show them that no one else in this world matters more than them. Not no Facebook, not no Instagram, you cannot be on TikTok instead of playing and spending time with your children that time is for when they're sleeping. If you fortify your kids when they're awake, they'll be able to sleep and leave you alone so that you could have mommy time but mommy time is not spent when they're awake. Is not if you don't have support and spend any time when they're sleeping. Just put them to sleep with lots of love and care. And then spend mommy time you know; your teens will be able to come home and tell you everything if you do this. laugh at what they laugh at. joke at what they learned the trending lingo. Like I'm telling you all that matters for a teen because teens feel misunderstood. But you have to show them that they are understood and the only way you're going to be able to do this is through quality time with my team I had to spend I had to do mommy daughter dates and leave my youngest child with a babysitter like it had to be done. Do what has to be done for this child. You don't want this child to get out of your grasp. And your grasp cannot be a chokehold your grounds pass to be a hug. So, in you guys, I'm talking to you guys. The things that I learned the hard way I don't want you guys to go through years and hospital visits and people accusing you of not being a good parent. Because you are a good parent. You're doing a great job. The fact that you haven't given up on your kids is amazing. Go after those babies. You are worth it. You are worth it. You were worth it when you were little if you don't come from a loving and nurturing home a loving and nurturing home has to come from you. It has to so the next thing I want to I want to talk about is encouraging healthy habits. Tell them the dangers of what will happen but do it funnily. Right? Do it in a way it will where it will. It's uplifting all your nasty blah blah blah blah blah. Come on, guys. Oh, you peed on your bed you make your body angry. You have to be careful the way you talk to your kids. You have to encourage, first of all, listen to the word encourage. calling someone a piss body is not encouraging to calling someone a yuck mouth is not encouraging. We have to stay away from calling our kids names from cursing at our kids, you know, blah blah blah blah. I told you a million mothers beat up but at times this is what you need to do. That's not cool, guys. That is not cool. That is just awful. So, encourage healthy habits with that sticker chart. Oh my gosh. The sticker chart is everything because then you will teach them how positivity and Allah, I strongly encourage allowances. I'm not going to pay you for what you're supposed to be doing. Get that mindset out. Like you have to cast that imagination down in obedience to Christ. Like to the truth, to love nurturing to joy to peace. So now encouraging the healthy habits that you want to see. Praising the good and then being silent on the bad and figuring out how to come at your child with respect because remember, this is a romantic relationship if you're not going to come at your spouse screaming and yelling, because you know they're just going to leave you if you do then do your children the same way. Right. So last but not least, seek support need. This is important. Listen, moms. If you see that you are extra crabby when your time of the month comes. I'm going to need you to go and get a birth control prescription. Okay, go and get a there is a birth control. That is super-duper awesome for PMS and PMS is a thing. This is not some new thing that is fictional, is real. And you know when you're tired when your cycle comes. There are a lot of hormones is a lot an estrogen released, and it will drive you insane. It will make you emotional, it will especially if pain makes you emotional pain makes you crabby. Okay. Those sudden urges for needing chocolate and needing you know ice cream all the time and then that what that'll do is it will only cause you to be even more depressed during your cycle. Go get birth control, and get those hormones under control, because you will cause your entire talk to be on edge. With you. And you need to seek support in this for you know to be able to implement positive parenting seeking support would also look like you know, hiring a babysitter every once in a while, for your littles so you can go and spend time oldest with your teen that teen is going to need it. You know, because it's a lot of confusing things and you want it Who do you want your team to take advice from another teen who does not have their life together or are you just saying you know, seek support in that? In that aspect. Another thing too is if you come from a broken home, you need to do therapy. Look for therapy, you listen. Say you don't have time, look for the time you need therapy. And you need somebody to talk to you can't regurgitate all of your problems to everybody who comes around. That's not healthy. That's not healthy and everybody the Bible says that a woman would have discretion without discretion is like a pink. I'm pretty sure that's what it says. Or maybe I'm paraphrasing, but a woman needs to have discretion. This is important. 64 seek support. Oh, make sure your finances that guys that finance piece. I'll link the show. You know how to manage your finances as a single mom because that is really like that. seeking support. Everything that seeking support has to do with has to do with managing your finances as a single mom. So, I do encourage you to go check that. Check that shows out. I will link it below. And

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most importantly

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seeking support doesn't always look like you know, therapy. This is going to sound funny but hear me out therapy you know in all those things that I named previously. seeking support also looks like seeking support from material things, seeking support from software. Right. I realized that my business was not going to be able to thrive without Metricool which is an amazing platform that I'm able to advertise everything on and I should do all of my advertising in one day. And I think I paid $100 for the platform. I seek support. So that's not a human that I had to hire. So, I bought software to do it for me. Right? Buying paper plates. Right? So, you don't have to do all the dishes. And you're not screaming at your kids to do their kids are not dishwashers. Right? We're not encouraging you know dishwasher mentality. Oh, this is what you can do for No, we're not encouraging that we're encouraging higher thinking. So also, seeking support may look like you know, what else can you buy in your home to make sure that you're fortified at home seeking support can look like a trampoline outside. seeking support can look like a washing machine. There are portable washing machines. You can buy a portable washing machine and be doing laundry from Home Instead of going to the laundromat. seeking support looks like many different things. And I want to encourage you to love your babies.

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What can you do in this moment in this instant to put them first of all guys that's all the time I have for today. You are doing an amazing job.

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You are the best

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mom and

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I want you to be encouraged. I want you to be encouraged because the fact that you made it to this part of the podcast

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you're doing a beautiful job.

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And you should be celebrated for that. And I want to celebrate you because it is hard being a mom. The fact that you're looking for answers to better parent your team. You're doing a beautiful job. So keep up the good work mom. Till next time guys

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