My Story - Bill Zirzow's Finding Strength in Vulnerability (Part 2) | Episode 126

My Story - Bill Zirzow's Finding Strength in Vulnerability (Part 2) | Episode 126

Chapter Markers
0:00 Voices for Voices® TV Show
8:16 Overcoming Struggles Through Transparency and Faith
15:40 Navigating Grief and Expressing Love
19:46 Faith, Leadership, and Community Understanding
26:24 Voices for Voices®

When Bill Zirzow and I sat down for the latest Voices for Voices® chat, little did we know how deeply his experience with a panic attack would resonate with those grappling with their own mental health, or that of a loved one. Our heartfelt exchange peeled back layers of emotional armor, revealing the shared human struggle to comprehend and cope with conditions like bipolar disorder. Bill's poignant tale not only highlights the humility necessary in supporting family but also shatters the stigma that men must always hold the answers.

As I opened up about my own wrestle with anxiety and the conscious choice to forgo alcohol, our conversation turned to the sanctuary found in faith and the act of being truly present. It's a testament to the strength found in transparency and the cathartic release that comes from authentic expression. We navigated the shifting sands of life's purpose, emphasizing the importance of connections over material gains, and finding solace in the consistency of medication and community bonds.

Concluding our dialogue, we tackled the universal themes of grief and legacy, sharing the consolations of spiritual connectivity with those we've lost, like my dear father. Bill's vulnerability and the stories that emerged serve as a beacon, encouraging listeners to offer patience and presence to those around them. As I reflect on turning 60, the conversation serves as a reminder to cherish each moment and the profound influence we can have, simply by being available to others. Join us in this journey towards healing, and become a voice for those who need it most.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast. I am your host, justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices. So Voices for Voices is the number one ranked podcast and TV show where people turn to for expert mental health recovery and career advancement. Intelligence recovery and career advancement, intelligence. Our TV show and podcast is all about teaching you insanely actionable techniques to help you prosper, grow your self-worth and your personal brand.

Speaker 1: 0:37

So if you are a high achiever or someone who wants more out of life, whether mentally, physically or spiritually, why don't you make sure to subscribe to our TV show and podcast right now? As you can see, our TV show and podcast publishes episodes every week that focus on case studies, real-life examples, actionable tips, studies, real-life examples, actionable tips and in-the-trenches reports and interviews from subscribers just like you. If that sounds like something that could help you personally or professionally, then please make sure to join me by subscribing. So this episode today is going to be part two of the episode you saw last week, our guest, mr Bill Zerzow. He is joining us again in studio and we were having a very important discussion and Bill was going through some important experiences and we wanted to make sure that we gave that the proper time and attention.

Speaker 1: 1:53

So Bill is going to again join us here in studio and he's going to best we can pick up from our last episode, if that thought and that we were talking about how the Holy Spirit kind of comes in, and when we make things not about us first and we make things about us second, it frees our mind up to do great things.

Speaker 2: 2:24

Exactly and to that point. I think what I was starting to share was one of the things that really hit me. So my daughter, abby, struggles with the bipolar stuff and there was one time in particular. So I think what we're sharing too, the stigma. And before anybody in our family was diagnosed, I'd be one of those people like what's your problem? What are you depressed about? Uh, just pray, whatever.

Speaker 2: 2:50

You know all the stuff you hear, right? Um, so we've been through a major transformation of understanding. You know what's really going on and how, the true illness of all this and you're not in control. Well, and that's a spiritual thing, right, we're not in control. You know what? That's the a spiritual thing, right, we're not in control. That's the other big thing to deal with.

Speaker 2: 3:06

So, anyway, this little story that really kind of set me straight, even in the midst of all this and this was before Lose and Bend, but it was in the throes of Abby what was going on there was one particular day that we're learning all this, we're going through it, and she was really struggling and I was having a hard time. I'm like you know what's going on? Why are you still struggling so bad, like you know? You know like we're having all these discussions, you know, and you can't seem to stop it. And I know it had to be the Holy Spirit, because I get to work and I get slammed with a panic attack that I haven't had in 20 years and I'm and I'm in, and I know because I'm in the middle of this thing and I can't stop it and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is God definitely putting this in me, because I just had this moment of arrogance and impatience and whatever other sin, and I was so humbled in that moment and that kind of started to change too that when you know someone is and I've been around people in the middle of you, especially my daughter and Ben at times you know struggling and it's so hard if you're, I'm assuming, well, I know, because if you're not, if it's not part of you or your family, you just don't understand it. And so, anyway, that taught me a big lesson and understanding like, look at, you don't know what's going on, they can't control it, it's happening. And and just like the grieving, you don't know what's going on, they can't control it, it's happening.

Speaker 2: 4:27

And just like the grieving with my son, you know, it's just being present. I felt Like just being there to listen. You know, try to be compassionately listening, actively listening and being present, and so to this day, I know that's a really big thing. I can tell sometimes, especially my daughter, she gets a little bit wound up, you know, I really want to try to take a deep breath and pray and just kind of sit and be present and nine out of ten times she's very good after that and needed that. Well, and I needed that. When I was going through it there was a guy in my office and I'm like I just need to sit and talk, dude, because I'm losing my mind right now and I can't get it under control.

Speaker 1: 5:06

So, anyway, that was kind of the rest of that story and that's so important because us as men, guys, we're, in our minds, I think, a little bit thinking that we have to know everything, we need to have the answer, the antidote and to have you in a leadership position that has gone through a panic attack or more. Our Voices for Voices gala that we hold each October, we were lucky to have Mr Dan Flowers, the president and CEO of the Akron-Kent Regional Food Bank, as our keynote speaker and he was sharing stories of his 20 years as the head of a food bank that has, I think, 600 or 700 partners that they help feed the community, and he mentioned how he was going through panic attacks at a certain time for many years and our show, which now we're in the TV studio. But when we got started we were in just a still a studio, but more of an audio recording studio, and I didn't know him from anybody. I just reached out to him on LinkedIn and said you said you're a CEO, you're a leader, I'd love to ask you some questions about the food bank and leadership and jobs and interviewing. And he came and he said I don't know what it is, he goes. I don't know you, but I feel really comfortable talking. He goes, I don't know you, but I feel really comfortable talking. And he said he shared for the first time publicly that these panic attacks had happened and how he just he said I never missed a day of work, I just went on, I went on and it finally got to the point where he reached out for help and he kind of took that ego and put it aside as a guy, given the experiences that he had been through.

Speaker 1: 7:13

And I think that's also important, regardless of we're on medication, we're not, we're seeing a counselor, we're not just as guys in general, that we just go through things and we're kind of looked at that society looks at us that we, you know, should have answered all the problems and we shouldn't be a nurse, we should just be able to handle everything that life throws at us and pivot. And I think that's important with you being a leader to share with individuals too that are out there that are also leaders, or saying like, oh okay, that's just, you know common Justin out here, he's talking about his experience but to hear real live leaders that have and are going through, and how that understanding can be difficult, is, I think, important for people to say like, okay, maybe I will seek help or maybe I will try to understand and do some research instead of that. Well, just go for a walk. Just do you know, the top five things to do when you're stressed is to do these things, and it's like I tried them and they didn't work and and it it? It's hard, like you know. Suck it up. Why are you crying? And I mean that was something that my wife was telling me at the at the time and I was just that expectation. I was like why, you know? Why can't you just power through this? Like you know? Like what's the deal? You're making a big deal out of nothing. And I mean I was very ashamed and felt guilty at the time in 2017 when all this was kind of coming ahead for me.

Speaker 1: 8:54

And now your son, tommy, can attest from you know, at Walsh and teaching and even sharing with Dr Collins, the president of Walsh, who also was able to come on and share his kind of mental health background, anyway, so Dr Collins had mentioned. He said you know, keep doing what you're doing, keep sharing. I know you're teaching, you know marketing and business courses, but you know these are still students and they're going through things. You know whether they're being away from home and they're going through relationships, and you know, and we know, that life and death kind of they continue on regardless of if we're a class or we're driving or on vacation.

Speaker 1: 9:42

And that really made me feel good, just as a person, to say, yeah, I just don't spend the whole class talking about that, but, as you're talking about real life scenarios, bring that human element, and that's one of the things that I've really had comfort in with that platform to be able to share and say, yeah, I'm an instructor, but I'm also going through things. I'm up here but I also have anxiety, and here are things that I don't want to take medication, but I am. And alcohol was so big to me and now I haven't had any drinks since 2017. 2017, and I think, the more that we share just these experiences, that they're, they're just gonna, they're gonna help one person. I think if we have one person, which I know we're, we're doing that that's really, at the end of the day, that's where we can do is because we know we can't take the things with us. We can't take the money with us, we can't't. You know there's no U-Haul, you know calling us.

Speaker 2: 10:46

I mean it's it.

Speaker 1: 10:46

You know we're, we're not gonna be able to take those things, so why don't we think of how we can serve a greater good? And that's why I'm so glad that you were, you're sharing, you know, your, your spiritual journey with us, because I think that's so important and and whether somebody's a believer or not, find that something and and go after it and put your you know, we hope, you know God, jesus, we, you know, that's what we hope. But there's something else that's really helping you be present and take in the moment of okay, I'm standing here, I'm taking a bite of food, like little stuff, like that. People are like, oh, that's ridiculous, but those types of things help really ground from you know, what am I going to do in three weeks or three months or three years? And so I just want to thank you for actually coming on and being a part of this in two episodes. But just the transparency, because I think that that's something that we don't see enough, and especially from a leader in the community.

Speaker 2: 11:58

Well, like I said, it's an honor to be here and listening to you. I mean I can't help but think the suffering you went through and now the fruit that it's producing. And you wouldn't have this fruit without the suffering. And how much is that like Christ's suffering for us and obviously the ultimate fruit of eternal life and resurrection. So yeah, I and our family, like we said, the suffering that we've gone through, um, and you can't help, I can't help but feel Ben's intercession. And you know, I've seen so many relationships restored to things that maybe we now will do. In fact, it's hard to even think of it differently. You know, we had aspirations of, you know, retirement home, this and this sort of selfish thing, not always necessarily bad selfish stuff, but kind of. And now the dream is more, can we do this stuff to help other people? And it's just so much more satisfying internally and I'm sure you, I know you feel it, I feel it. So, yeah, I can't help it.

Speaker 2: 12:53

And one little again, I tried to think of business and this related and I was really big on goals. I mean I got from even when I was like in early college. I don't know why, I must have just been having a little gift. I would always write these goals down and everything. It could have been 10 years ago or so, I remember. I thought I don't know how long I'm going to live and I, you know, I'd have big house, more cars, boat, what I don't have also. But anyway, I just write these material kind of things down and finally I thought, what am I doing? Like the only real goal I have and want to have and it's even way more pronounced now is to be at peace on my deathbed.

Speaker 2: 13:31

You know, I mean that would, and to your point, especially losing Ben. You see the stark reality. I mean, there's just that's it. It's his life, it's his relationships, and so that's what it tells me. It's all about the relationships, you know. It's not anymore about how many franchises we sell or markets we open, and again, those are good things, things.

Speaker 2: 13:47

You know we've been given gifts, but in the right context and in the right order, you know, and it's always going to be God first. And then you know, your husband rolls, father rolls, and then the business is down in here somewhere, and I take a lot of responsibility in the employees and the people that we have, and then have I been given that gift to also hopefully steward that and be the example to much that's been given. Much is expected, and so sometimes that's still a big weakness that needs a lot of work. But anyway, yeah, I can go on and on rambling, but no, I think it's what you're doing here and you know what it's funny like when we had.

Speaker 2: 14:26

It's not funny, I don't want to use those expressions, but when Ben passed and we were sharing this, you know I had people say like man, man, you know, no one's really, but like the police, they said they go, you don't owe the fbi. I met him and I had spent a weekend going through ben's stuff and gave him all these files and he goes. You don't realize how little people even do like they won't, because there's there's shame and there's embarrassment, there's all this stuff with like and I'm like I didn't even understand that. You know, I'm just like what. We just want to stop somebody else from getting killed from this stuff, and so I think it's almost as funny, like as you're saying, hey, it's nice, I'm being transparent and all that.

Speaker 2: 15:03

I don't think we know any other way. You know, you're just kind of like and that I guess that's the grace that you know, if that is seen as humility, then it's because it's not from what I'm doing. It's just God saying all right, these events are happening in your life and this is the way I'm taking you and that's what you pray every day right to do his will. So I think in a lot of ways that's that not a conscious thought of it. It's just natural that if you're going to serve God, you're going to just do these certain things.

Speaker 1: 15:34

So anyway, and a little bit tangentially. My father passed March 1st from a battle of cancer and so we had some time to prepare. I guess mentally a little bit. To prepare, I guess mentally a little bit, but I never lost a parent and grandparents and, you know, friends and colleagues and and those but, and so bringing that home, like I, I, I mean, I'm still struggling a little bit with that.

Speaker 1: 16:07

But to to the point that we're only, you know, we're only on earth for a finite amount of time and luckily my dad was able to be at home and had hospice at home and my sister and I and my mom, we were able to spend time with them, even if it wasn't as mobile and coherent as was, as was. And I found myself, once we got the diagnosis last July, that I couldn't even remember the last time I told my dad that I loved him. Like it was just one of those things like, oh, like we just have this, we just know we love each other and we we don't say it, you know just by doing actions of helping out in different times, and and I am looking back now and I'm grateful that I even had that time, because that was like better late than than never. And so then I started telling them you know I love you and here are things you know growing up that you know I they're still sticking with me and I appreciate and all these different things and uh, it and it was uh and it's. And it still is tough to kind of think that they're not here with us physically. But you're right, when a person passes, their earthly body is is not here, so you can't give them a hug, you can't maybe text, text or call, no matter how much or how little we did before.

Speaker 1: 17:40

And I think for our listeners and our viewers that they're in a position, whatever animosity that somebody may hold, for whatever reason, that they say, oh well, we'll talk about that next week or I'll bring it up at the next family function. Well, that may not come with that person. And as hard as it is and as awkward and that's kind of how I felt, like, well, I'm going to tell my dad I love him. Of course he knows that part of just that, that emotional side of okay to your point of you know being on your deathbed and wanting to be at peace, that I wanted my dad to be at peace, if that was something he was waiting for, to hear or to hear me recount different stories or read different passages from the bible that he was reading and that were that most were most important, as he was coming to grips with it himself.

Speaker 1: 18:40

And it's hard I mean life's hard and we're obviously not taking things with us and there's people that are coming and they're gone. And it's your point serving others that when you and I are gone, that there's still going to be relationships and things that are going to still continue on, and so why not work on that as kind of like that first goal, and then everything else kind of falls into place and it sounds like that's how things have been and how they've worked out for you once you made that choice years ago to follow Christ, and everything kind of coming second to that. It's like, hey, if I do this thing or this act, then these other things that I'm doing they're they're going to fall in place. It might not be in my time, but they're going to happen when, when they're needed.

Speaker 2: 19:41

Exactly, yeah, and I sorry to hear about your dad too, by the way, thank you. And you know, the part of this journey too is I've been saying that I I feel more present in the invisible and the eternal rather than the visible and the worldly. And I think to your point, even just recently, how many times, especially after communion, I thank Lord for the 28 years I had with Ben and I started thinking, and just recently I'm like no, thank you for Ben. Now he's present, now he's with us and it's again that belief in that faith.

Speaker 2: 20:19

I don't know if any any fans of the chosen, but we happen to be big chosen fans and I just keep it out again, it's just because of the filter I have on right now, because we're going through, but so many of those stories in the bible all seem about belief and faith. It's all like do you really believe this, you know, and so I think knowing your dad's with you right now, you know, is such a comforting, I would think, and joyful thought that maybe you can't have that physical hug, but you definitely have a spiritual hug, you know. So that's given me a great peace, you know, to deal with this and go through the grieving and hopefully to share with other people too.

Speaker 1: 21:00

Great. Are we missing anything? Is there something that you want to add?

Speaker 2: 21:07

How many episodes can I do? No, I'm kidding, I'll talk forever.

Speaker 1: 21:12

You can plug the Town Money Saver, or how people can learn about your organization.

Speaker 2: 21:19

Sure. Well, I will say one thing too I've been involved with some different ministries and, even though I think Town Money Saver is sacred, heart enthronement is a big thing that affected our family. I actually was very involved with the ministry. Then the guy got me involved there. Welcomeisheartcom is the website you can go to and get more information on that.

Speaker 2: 21:40

Tell Money Saver yeah, we're in about 80-some cities throughout Ohio, michigan, kentucky now and you can get your coupons, you know, and we're there really to help local businesses. That's the other thing. It is a cool model and the franchising aspect offers a lot of flexibility, you know, for the family. So you can hopefully do some of those things we're talking about. And again, getting involved with the community and how much of, I think, what we're talking, that might be something to point out too. And as we talk, I think it's a common thread. We were created for community and that leaning on one another and being, and what you just said, when you're alone and I'm over here, I'm like, yeah, I'm not succeeding in the way I want it. You know Ben suffered horribly and I sometimes I feel guilty of this that you know he had this such a high stand, like like a goal, like he want. You know he loves Elon Musk. Yeah, you really want to be up and it was just. It was crushing at times. You know, like he it like I think he felt defeated or he felt like he wasn't, and so it is like this dual. You know, we just watched it saying Ignatius of Loyola and it was really beautiful. He at one point said you know, the church is this dualness constantly there's this mercy and then this. You know, holiness, you know that you're constantly. You know where you can get caught up in being the Pharisees and the Sadducees and being in communion, being in community. It's a humbling and it's again leaning on one another, but it's so peaceful and comforting that you're loved and you don't have to go. You don't have to be the CEO guy. You know, I think I'm tired of leadership stuff. To be honest with you, I think we need more followership stuff, like I want to follow Christ. I don't need to be the leader guy or whatever, even though I, you know, I try to present that. But the leader guy or whatever, even though I, you know, I try to present that, but no, I'm kidding, but anyway, that's Tommy. He's like yeah, dad thinks he's leader of everything, but anyway. So anyway, to your point, I think too.

Speaker 2: 23:34

The only other thing I want to mention is at 60, I just turned 60. And you know, you said earlier too time. You know that and I it's funny, you know have a finite amount of time and we don't know when it is, and Ben's case was a lot quicker, unfortunately, but to me it almost speaks like right now you can go home. I get tired. I just want to put the news on and get angry. No, I'm kidding, but just put the news on, whatever.

Speaker 2: 24:02

And it's like there's someone that probably needs your ear, you know, and needs you to listen and needs you to be present. And I think that's something I'm becoming more aware of at a, at an older age, to say, you know, so, if there's any message or anything, you know and I think again, mother theresa, how a smile can impact somebody to just take a moment and be present. And I think that's what ben really did too. He never, you know he would, it would be that person first, or whatever they needed to a fault, it would, you know, he might not even get his schoolwork done or something else. But, um, so I think you know that when you put God first and then you recognize to love one another like he loved us, that you really, you know, optimize our time, that you really optimize our time, try to be there, whether it's even just your wife, your children, your friends, whatever, anyway. So other than that I have a lot, but I'll try to wrap it up.

Speaker 1: 24:54

Yeah, well, on behalf of our board of directors and everybody associated with Voice for Voices, thank you so much for coming. I know it's quite a drive and a busy schedule for you, but we really are grateful that you took time, especially double time, to be here and share, because helping others is something that if you asked me 10 years ago I'd be like. Helping Justin is like what I want to do, and there are pieces of that, but what really makes me feel good is being able to touch somebody's life, and hopefully in a positive way, and to have you share your experiences is just really humbling and want to thank you so much Well thank you for having me on and, like your CEO guy said, you're real easy to talk to, so it's a blessing.

Speaker 2: 25:54

Your mannerism, you know your personality and I I know time. He was really lifted up when he learned that you were sharing. He brought it home and and we were lifted up as a family just knowing that, hey, there's other people dealing with this and you know there's a lot out there, but honestly, yeah, we're not really talking a lot to one another. So, yeah, it was a real lift to us too. So, thank you, oh, you're welcome.

Speaker 1: 26:16

And thank you for watching, listening, joining us for watching, listening, joining us.

Speaker 1: 26:24

Please like, subscribe, share this episode and one of the over 120 plus episodes that we do have. Episode 106 again is the episode you can find out more about my active recovery and in my life and how mental health really propelled me to want to start this organization on the quest to try to help 3 billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond, and we're going to thank Mr Bill Zerzow for joining us for this episode as well as part one. We just are so grateful to have somebody so transparent to share and to talk with us and to talk with you, and you know, if you're able to, maybe you can be that person to somebody else. So when we close out and say, be a voice for you or somebody in need, maybe that somebody in need is unable to share their voice in whichever way that they hope to. So you know again, be that ear, listen and help others whenever we can. So until next time.

Speaker 1: 27:34

I'm Justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices. Thank you so much for joining us. Keep your eye out for future episodes and please be a voice for you or somebody in need.