PCS Series: When your sight unseen rental lives up to the bad hype

In this episode, I continue our PCS saga, discussing the exhaustion and stress of moving to a new house in Washington that fell short of expectations. 

We talk about the struggles of renting sight unseen, dealing with an unclean and poorly maintained home, and the financial burden of constantly relocating. 

We then share tips on how to cope, including the importance of local mom and military spouse Facebook groups, strategies for helping kids adjust to new schools, and finding silver linings in difficult situations. 

This episode highlights the resilience and resourcefulness required for military families to navigate frequent moves.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Alison: Hello. Hello. And welcome back to the show today. I was going to continue on with. Our PCS saga. So last episode, I was a real time. I recorded that and I think you can hear my levels of exhaustion. As I recorded that, that was, that was a really long day. We, the, again, the truck, God, that was, We ended up not being able to load the truck until the afternoon and then we still had a nine hour drive after we loaded the truck and it was just, that was a pretty brutal day. 

[00:00:40] Alison: But so I was going to kind of pick back up where we ended there with the, you know, the drive was uneventful. Thankfully we arrived here in Washington. And I think karma came for me with, cause I was bragging almost about how we rented our house sight unseen when we came here the last time. And it was fantastic.

[00:01:08] Alison: It was in immaculate like new condition. And that was not the case when we arrived this time. So again, like so many military families do, we rented our house sight unseen. Because it's just, you're trying to PCS, you're trying to get all the things done, and the time and the expense of taking a trip to wherever it is you might be going next to look for property is Is not in the cards for a lot of us, right?

[00:01:41] Alison: And then, so that's number one. And then number two is when? When do you, when is the best time to do that, right? Because it, I mean, I think the rental markets are different in different places. But here in Washington, it's straight up bananas. Houses are going, well, not all of them. But if it's a good house, it goes really fast.

[00:02:02] Alison: And So planning a trip to come out, like you don't know what you're going to see. You don't know what's going to be available. And so it's just, that's one of the things that's a really tough spot about our lifestyle is that you know, we just, we kind of get, pushed and shoved and jostled into situations that are not ideal.

[00:02:24] Alison: And I think again, this is one of those things for a lot of military families, the moving and the uncertainty and the, just the levels of crap that we have to put up with in different areas of that whole process. Just makes it like a no go at some point. Right. And, and sure. And, and honestly, we're there, right?

[00:02:46] Alison: This was, this was move number 10 for us. And I think, right, or nine. I can't remember. I think it was 10, whatever. It doesn't matter. It's enough. It's enough. It's enough. Okay. I'm going to try and keep it concise here today. We arrived at the house and The house is tiny just driving up to it.

[00:03:07] Alison: So I'm like, Oh my gosh. So I'm already stressed because I know that this house is smaller than where we were coming from. And so we put, I, you know, as I said before, we put a bunch of stuff in storage in anticipation of having a smaller house. We pull up to the house and I'm like, Oh God, this is a lot tighter than I thought it was going to be.

[00:03:28] Alison: So then we walk into the house, it smells like, I don't know what the smell is. It's like, It's like a spice, but like a, it just, it was not good. And on top of the fact that it was 85 degrees when we got here. And the house doesn't have air conditioning. So those of you folks that are like, Oh, you don't need air conditioning in Washington state.

[00:03:52] Alison: You just don't need it. I'm going to call BS on you right now because when it is 85 90 upwards of 90 degrees and you have no air conditioning, miserable, miserable, and I will give you that that weather is not often. Okay. There's like a few weeks out of the year, but let me tell you that those few weeks are enough to have you run in your little happy hiney to the exchange or wherever you need to go to get yourself a portable air conditioner because it is not enjoyable.

[00:04:21] Alison: So we arrive at the house, no air conditioning, 85 degrees outside. It smells right? So we immediately are opening all of the, The windows and everything. So that's not ideal. And then just, this house has been lit. It's only six years old, but it has been lived in hard, like hard. There is paint. On like all of the baseboards like so there's the ugly beige like builder beige on Every surface the ceilings the walls.

[00:04:59] Alison: Everything is the same color. The trim is white, but they've dripped and Smudged beige all over the baseboard. So they just look dirty, right? So I noticed that right away It's got laminate floors downstairs And they are bubbled at like every seam, which we will never have in our forever house. This is one of the positives of having living in so many different homes is that you know what you don't want when you finally get to the end of your career.

[00:05:33] Alison: So we will not be having laminate floors in our forever house. so there's that bubbling everywhere and then the, and then just looking around, it's just like, Oh, my gosh. Okay, this is gonna be This is going to be tight. And then we come upstairs and like the, the stairs, they, the carpets on the, so the downstairs is all laminate floor and then the stairs and everything upstairs is carpet and the carpet on the stairs looks dirty.

[00:06:04] Alison: And I'm like, and, and then we, we come upstairs and the floor in the bathroom is tile and like you could just see how black the grout is in the, and I'm like, Oh my God, that's just dirty. And, so I'm seeing all these things and like, we're supposed to bring our stuff in here, right? I'm like, this is going to be awesome.

[00:06:32] Alison: And so I knew because we got here in the afternoon on whatever day it was and the movers were coming the next morning to offload our stuff. Right. So I was like, okay, I got to like hit the ground running. We got to get everything prepped and ready to go. We bought some Ikea shelves because there's no storage, right?

[00:06:54] Alison: So we're trying to, you know, ahead of time, get some of that stuff in line. And so Michael's going to assemble that stuff and. And then we're, we're trying to like dig through the back of the truck to find our fans so that we can put them in the house because it's so freaking hot and there's no air conditioning.

[00:07:11] Alison: And and then, so my immediate thing was, I'm going to go into the kitchen and I'm going to line all of the cabinets because when, I don't know. That's just one. I think everybody's got their thing that they do. Like I, I had a, there was another spouse that I got to be really good friends with on the first boat that we were ever on.

[00:07:31] Alison: And her thing was carpets. She would always get new, little carpets for the kitchen and the bathroom. That was just her thing. She just, That, that was her thing. And I think mine is lining cabinets. I, I don't know. It just makes it feel like it's fresh and clean. So anyway, so I'd already purchased all of that stuff ahead of time so that I would have it when we got here.

[00:07:51] Alison: And I had my scissors, like I was like ready to go. And so I go into the kitchen and I open the cabinets and I'm horrified with the state of these cabinets. Like there are stains everywhere. It was just, it was gross. I'm, I'm texting, I'm taking pictures, especially like under the sink. There was like this like rust nasty ring of I'm like, what the hell?

[00:08:18] Alison: So I'm taking pictures and sending them to the property manager. And I'm like, what is this? Like, this is not okay. And so, They offered to send someone out to re clean and I'm like, I'm here and I've got, like, we're moving our stuff in tomorrow. Like, I don't have time to sit around and wait for you to send someone out.

[00:08:35] Alison: Because that's the thing that was interesting is that We did a like FaceTime walkthrough of the house because I was starting to get a little worried, right? Because I'm like, is, is this actually property or are we going to show up and like, there's nothing and you're sending. Thousands and thousands of dollars, right?

[00:08:55] Alison: Because they want a full month's rent for your deposit and then we're paying pet deposits and it's just like, I mean thousands and thousands of dollars. And I'm like, I haven't even laid eyes on this place. So the property manager did a video walkthrough with us and while she was doing the video walkthrough, there was someone here that was cleaning the house.

[00:09:13] Alison: And so I coming into it, I'm thinking, okay, well the house is clean. Cause there was someone there cleaning the house when, when we did this walkthrough, right? So this is my theory now. Like, like months out, like we're, we've been in the house for almost two months now. So my theory is that this house was so disgustingly dirty that The state that we received it in was like 100 percent better than what it was when they walked in the door and it was like, this is the best that we can do.

[00:09:44] Alison: Because I complained to the property manager about the carpets. I'm like, they're, they still look dirty and they still smell like wet dog in like the apartment. The, the primary bedroom still, I was like, this is, were they even clean? Cause that was my concern. I was like, were they at least clean professionally?

[00:10:02] Alison: Because I, you know, I'm not doing, I got a rug doctor and did that on the house. Like that's not sufficient. So they assured me that it was professionally clean. So they brought this, so they scheduled the carpet cleaner to come out again. And so the guy that came was actually the guy that did the original clean.

[00:10:23] Alison: And he told me it was one of the worst houses he's ever seen. And I was like, Oh, fantastic. And here is the even more disturbing part is that. We are renting this from a military family. It was a military family that moved out of this house and left it absolutely disgusting and I was like, are you kidding me?

[00:10:40] Alison: And then here's another interesting little tidbit is so i'm training at the gym I was training at previously and there's a client that was there You know years three years ago when I was training there Before and we were having a conversation. I was telling her about the house and how you know frustrating it was and You know And she's owned a home for the past like 20 years near where she is now.

[00:11:03] Alison: And she said she will not rent to military families because they have left her house in the worst condition. And I was like, what? Really? Because I'm like, we are like ideal tenants. You want us to be in your home because we've, I don't know. We, we just respect the house. I want to live in a nice house. I don't, I don't want it to be dirty and disgusting and not maintained and cared for.

[00:11:29] Alison: And so that's what I expect everybody else to be. And apparently that is not the case. So we need to level up our game there, peeps. Then I started, so I started thinking about it and I was like, really, because we are like, Your ideal tenants, right? And and I started to think about it and we've owned multiple homes throughout our career, which I think is, you know, similar to a lot of military families we've bought in some places haven't bought in others.

[00:11:53] Alison: And we owned a home in Jacksonville and we, We bought that house right before the bubble burst and then the bubble burst and obviously you're not selling it and we couldn't even rent it. Like we just, it was, luckily we didn't have kids at the time and Michael went on deployment so we were able to swing that discrepancy for as long as we were, but that was painful. 

[00:12:19] Alison: And It was a military family that moved into the house cause it was right by the air station there in Jacksonville. And we had a property manager. And when they moved out of the house, the property manager was like, yeah, I'm going to have to bring someone in to reclean because it is not clean and there's fleas.

[00:12:37] Alison: So we're going to have to have the house treated for that as well. Cause we allowed them to have pets. And and I remember that she told me that the guy was really pissed that rented the house, the service member, and that they were saying, and cause she sent me the email and the guy was like, I'm military.

[00:12:55] Alison: And I'm going to take this to military or whatever. And I was like, well, that's fantastic. We're military too. And the bottom line is the house does not look like it did when you received it. It is not as clean. I don't care that you spent five hours cleaning. It still is not to the standards that it was when you moved in.

[00:13:11] Alison: And the house did not have fleas when you moved into it and it does now. So you're going to pay for that as well. So I, I, we did get a little bit of, of a touch of that, I guess, but I don't know. I'm just, I'm curious. Do you have to let me know, hit me up on Instagram or email and let me know if you have any stories in that regard.

[00:13:28] Alison: Cause I was really surprised that she said that but then coming in off of this house. I'm, I was just, I'm still, I don't know. I'm starting, I'm trying to get over it. So we're trying to, we're trying to move on. Let's be positive. So okay. So moving on from moving on from that, the house was, that was a, that was not enjoyable.

[00:13:49] Alison: Okay. So then the next morning we're expecting our moving crew to show up at 9am. I don't know what happened here. Okay. They never showed up. I booked them through, I did not book them through Hire a Helper, I booked directly with the agency, and I don't think it was the agency that we used the first time, and I'm not sure why I did that.

[00:14:11] Alison: Because I did the one in Colorado because we had already worked with them before and so I booked directly with them and it was fine. This time, I don't think that was the company we, anyways, they never showed up and so now we're like, well now what do we do? We have no help, we have this huge truck to unload, so I go on to hire a helper and they have a same day crew that can come in the afternoon, but it's like double the price.

[00:14:34] Alison: And at that point, right, I mean, come on, we're, We had just loaded and driven our truck for three days and we have this, you know, we've got 9, 800 pounds of, of household goods on this thing. And for Michael and I do it ourselves. Oh, and then the other thing with this house that we're in, cause it's so small, it has two 90 degree turns on going upstairs.

[00:14:59] Alison: And we were like, there is no way I want to carry our bed or write the bigger bedroom furniture up those stairs with those 90 degree turns, like just not interested in that at all. So, so we ended up going with hire a helper. We had a crew that showed up in the afternoon. So we're like way later than we want it to be.

[00:15:20] Alison: And of course now it's also almost, you know, 90 degrees. It's over 90 degrees outside again, and we have no air conditioning. So it was just, it was miserable. And the, and the guy, so it was a crew, it was a lady that ran the crew and two guys, the one guy I thought was going to have a heart attack, like he kept coming in and standing in front of the fan.

[00:15:43] Alison: And like, he was very out of shape and the lady said that he was new to the crew, poor guys, probably never going to come back because, oh my gosh. And then the other guy. was sweating so profusely, like dripping sweat on all of our boxes. It was gross. So that was not an ideal experience. But again, at the 11th hour, You get what you can get.

[00:16:11] Alison: So we ended up actually getting rid of all of our boxes this time, which we saved them in Colorado. Our intention was to save them here, but there is no space, no space. And then the guy drip sweat on like everything. And I was just disgusted and was like, okay, I think we just gotta, we gotta go. Okay. So, so everything got moved into the house and then it's just, you know, the Jenga game, where's it going to go?

[00:16:34] Alison: How's it going to fit? We've got. It's, yeah, it's just the big chess board. And then as the person that is the putter together of the house, it was just like disappointment after disappointment, after frustration, after it's just, this is the stuff, this is the stuff that, that we don't talk about. And that we, that is the big, the stress.

[00:17:07] Alison: And just the, the disappointment and the frustration that we've had with this move is just, is just unreal. And the expense, like the amount of money that you just like hand over fist, give out to try to make a home work for your family in that time at that moment is unreal. I mean, it just, it goes so fast.

[00:17:35] Alison: I saw I think it's, I can't remember the Instagram wives of the armed forces, I think, or army air force wives or something. I can't remember what it is. But she did, she did this real, and it was like, so on point. And she was, it was like 123, 568. Yes. Look at this. And then, and then, And then you take one of those decimal points away and then you take another one away and then you take another one away and another one away and another one away and you're left with like a dollar and you're like, Oh yeah.

[00:18:11] Alison: And that is honestly how it goes when you move. Like you get an advance and you're like, all right, we got like 8, 000 worker. This is going to be amazing. And then you pay for your truck and the movers and this and that and the, and it's just, and then it just is like, it's gone. It's gone so fast. And then you're above and beyond.

[00:18:28] Alison: I read a statistic one time. That the average military family goes into debt five to 10, 000 every single time they move. And I believe it. I 100 percent believe it. Because you're going to Ikea to get this and you're buying an air conditioning unit and you're buying a ceiling fan because your house has no air conditioning and it has no ceiling fans.

[00:18:48] Alison: You're, you know what I'm saying? Like it's just you, these like little unseen things that she, that are there. And it's just, it, it goes so fast and it's so frustrating. And then on top of that, you have the, I don't even know. I don't know who is running things. Like, And the system that there is to get reimbursed for your moves, but it is a straight up shit show.

[00:19:17] Alison: And for it to take six to eight weeks for you to receive reimbursement for your move is not okay. It's not okay. There are so many military families that are out of pocket so much money and you just are sitting there for weeks and weeks and weeks. And then this is the best part. You're sitting there and waiting for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks.

[00:19:37] Alison: And then they're like, Oh. Yeah, we didn't receive your claim.

[00:19:43] Alison: That happened to us this last time. It's like, Oh, we're waiting. Oh, we should be getting it anytime soon. Anytime, anytime. And we call, Oh, we don't have that. You need to resubmit it. Oh, fantastic. Okay, great. So we resubmit all of the paperwork that we submitted six, seven weeks ago. And now we get to wait another six to eight weeks before we get payment for that.

[00:20:02] Alison: So that is just delightful and so fun. And once again, why not? So many military families are like, that's it. We're done. We just, we're done. We've had enough of that. So, okay. So the expenses of moving into a home, all of that stuff is a lot. And then on top of all of that stuff, I touched on this a little bit the last time is that we have not been able to, and I know I'm not unique in this situation stay together as a family when we move.

[00:20:35] Alison: He's got a school, he's not finished his tour, whatever we move, he helps us get in there and then he's gone to go do whatever it is he's got to do. That is really hard, especially when you get put in a situation where you're not happy, right? Like here and in this house, I was not happy, right? Not happy with the house.

[00:20:57] Alison: With, gosh, it, and, and that just breeds that little. of, Oh, well, he's not here. He's getting to stay in a hotel. How nice for him. He's got air conditioning and he's got, you know what I mean? Like all those things, it's really challenging to navigate through that as you know, for a marriage, for a family, for kids.

[00:21:19] Alison: And then on top of all of the stressors that you have of setting up your house and getting that stuff ready to go is. You know, if you've got kids, now you're trying to manage and regulate them and help, you know, pump them up and, okay, school's coming and we're going to make new friends and it's going to be so good.

[00:21:38] Alison: Meanwhile, we're drowning in our own frustration and misery. And it's just like, it is so hard. It is. So hard. So it's just, it's a, it's a lot. And I think that as spouses and as parents, we have got to give ourselves grace to not get it right the whole time. I had quite a bit of time where I was feeling like a letdown, right?

[00:22:08] Alison: For the girls, we'd had all these plans. We're going to do this homeschooling stuff. We're going to, you know, and it's just like, Not homeschooling, but like, hey, let's do a little summer school y kind of stuff. Let's learn about things that, you know, really get flossed over in school. And, and really do a deep dive into it.

[00:22:24] Alison: And we're gonna, we're gonna be reading every day. And we're gonna work on our multiplication facts. And like, yeah. Those were really great goals to have and they were not really met. So just, you know, managing the, as I just felt very, locking as a, as a mom during that time. And really trying to be like on my game and For the girls to get them ready to go to school, you know, Sophia started middle school this year and Savannah as a seventh grader is having to move to a new middle school and we all know that middle school is not enjoyable.

[00:23:04] Alison: And so to have to go into that in the middle of the year and then for Sophia to be brand new. 

[00:23:08] Alison: Okay, so when we're in the moves like this, I think one of the things that things that's really helped me is looking at the silver linings and I know that that can be really hard to do especially when you're in the throes of a PCS. But you know, there's, there's, there's almost always something that is a positive.

[00:23:33] Alison: Okay. So for us here, I'm back at the gym that I started at. Six years ago and training in a really nice facility. So that's been really good. We already know the area that was a, that was a big stress relief coming here. We've never, we've never gone back to some place that we've been before. I know there's a lot of families that.

[00:23:57] Alison: Kind of bounce around from between duty stations. And so I think that that's a positive, right? You don't have to, if you've been at a, at a duty station before, you don't have to learn your way around again which is nice. And then you kind of have an idea of some of your favorite restaurants. And then hopefully you have some services that you liked while you were here.

[00:24:18] Alison: You had someone to cut your hair, maybe a vet or a groomer, things like that. And then for us specifically here, it's how close we are to the base. We've never lived this close to base. That's no, I don't think we have. We've never lived this close to base before. So that's really convenient to have the commissary and things like that.

[00:24:36] Alison: So close by. So so those are all positives, which are, I know it can be hard to look for, but I think that that is an important coping mechanism when we're in this season. Okay. So then the, the last thing that I wanted to talk about was school and helping our kids adjust to school because I don't know how you guys are feeling, but for me that one of the biggest stressors for our moves going forward is that is school for our kids.

[00:25:06] Alison: It's getting harder and harder the older our kids get. So Savannah is in seventh grade. Sophia is starting sixth grade this year. So two middle schoolers and you know, for Savannah to have to come in as a seventh grader, It's just, it's just hard, you know, it's hard to come into the middle of I don't know.

[00:25:27] Alison: It's just, it's, it's not an ideal situation and my mama heart hurts for them. And so coming into our PCS, I was talking about how can we get our kids ready for school and how can we advocate for them and what can we do? So I wanted to touch on that in real time, what I've done. So. I reached out to the school liaison officer and the school liaison officer put me in touch with the guidance counselor.

[00:25:55] Alison: So, and in our particular situation, I feel like that's a step we could have skipped. I could have just gone straight to talking to the guidance counselor at the school. So there's a good tip. Just, you know, go online, go on, all the schools have websites and it's usually pretty easy to find the site.

[00:26:12] Alison: And you can find who their guidance counselor is going to be. They usually split them up by alphabet and then just send them an email, reach out to them. So I did that. And that helped a lot as far as setting expectations of what they have before the school year starts. So we were lucky and part of why we moved early was so that our girls would be ready to start school when school started and we would be able to be settled in and start the school year early.

[00:26:40] Alison: at the beginning of the school year with everybody else. I know there's families that move mid school year and that's just that's a whole nother can of worms and that's really tough. I was disappointed to be honest that the school did not have any kind of like mentor program or buddy program or something like that where new kids coming in could have someone kind of assigned to them to show them around and whatnot.

[00:27:08] Alison: Apparently they do do that if you, if you transfer in the middle of the year, but they don't have that at the beginning of the year. So I was, I was a little frustrated with that because one of my biggest things is. That I was looking for and trying to help the girls navigate is, you know, finding your way around a school that can be challenging and things.

[00:27:30] Alison: And, you know, but it's really lunch, right? It's just like you walk into this huge room with all these tables everywhere and you're, you know, elementary school, you usually sat with your class. So you didn't really have to worry about who are you going to sit with? You're going to sit with your classmates, right?

[00:27:45] Alison: Well, in middle school, you don't do that. It's a free for all. And so I think that's a huge, that was one of the things that, I don't know why I was focused on that so much, but it was them having someone to sit with at lunch and, and I think just someone to help them get around the school. So I think that's a big miss and I'm not really sure.

[00:28:04] Alison: I'm not really sure what can be done, what I can do to fix that. I don't know. I'm going to, I'm going to dig in. I'm still going to dig in. More and see if there's something that can be done that was better. Cause I have to say, you know, again, one of the silver linings of what we have moving all the time is that we've experienced a lot of schools, Savannah.

[00:28:27] Alison: Oh my gosh, she was doing a get to know me thing. And she's been to six different schools, including preschools. And I think that's, that's pretty crazy. She went to two preschools, three different elementary schools, a middle school, and now she's at another middle school. It's pretty, pretty crazy. But anyways the middle school that she was at in Colorado did this like summer start program where the incoming sixth graders had three Half day.

[00:29:00] Alison: So they were there for like three hours and they got to know the people and they like they had them split up into pods. The sixth grade class split up into pods. They got to get into their pods, meet the people that were there. They did a bunch of icebreaker stuff. They met all of their teachers.

[00:29:17] Alison: They learned how to navigate around the school. You know, this was like before school started, they did this in July and school didn't start until August. And Savannah went into sixth grade feeling really confident that she knew her way around the school. She knew how to get to her classes and she had met a couple people that, so she had some familiar faces.

[00:29:39] Alison: when she walked into the door and it made such a difference for her. And so I'm like, why does, why doesn't everybody do this? It doesn't make any sense to me. So I don't know how difficult those types of programs are to get going, but it made such a difference for her. And then having something similar like that to, you know, for the, for the, you know, sixth and seventh graders or even as you get into high school just so that they can, you know, have a little bit more time to adapt before school starts.

[00:30:09] Alison: So what we did do is they had a new student registration day a couple of weeks before school and the girls were already registered, but we just went because they, you could go into the school and the girls were really, wanting to kind of get the lay of the land a little bit. And just, I, so what ended up happening is we showed up to the school.

[00:30:30] Alison: There really wasn't a lot of people there. The school was still, it was still a couple of weeks away from the first day of school. So there was still minimal staff and a lot of, you know, most of the classrooms were still closed and things like that. But the girls got to walk around. We got to meet their guidance counselor.

[00:30:49] Alison: who was lovely and she spent like almost 30 minutes with us and just talking to the girls and answering questions. And we looked at their schedules and the classes that they're going to take. And I, that the girls felt so much better after doing that. So if your school has that as an option where they have an early registration day, you know, We just went, I mean, again, the girls were already registered for school, but it was just an opportunity for them to kind of look around a little bit and at least get to know one staff member.

[00:31:22] Alison: And they were able to ask a lot of questions and I was able to ask a lot of questions. And I think that that really helped them feel a little bit more confident. And then they just had it was like the day, the day before, a couple of days before school, they had a, like a back to school night kind of thing where the school's open, come meet your teachers, get your schedule, walk around.

[00:31:46] Alison: So we did that as well. And so they got there, you know their schedules and we got to go around and meet all of their teachers. We walk them. Okay, this is where your class first class is and then you're gonna go here and then you're here. We walked both of their schedules so that they would be comfortable where they were going and And that was, that was, that's kind of the, that's kind of the end of it.

[00:32:11] Alison: So the positive thing, I guess, in the school is the middle school that Savannah was at, everybody was very separate and they did that intentionally. So like all of the sixth graders were in one area, seventh and another eighth and another, and they really didn't care. mix. So they didn't have, they called them passing periods, right?

[00:32:27] Alison: Where you're switching from classes to classes. They didn't have that as like a school wide thing. Everybody's switching classes at this time. So all grades are mingling together. They kept everybody very separate. Same thing with lunch. Which I think was probably, I liked that as a parent, I was like, oh, okay, well then you're not gonna have to, there's not a lot of opportunity for older students to, you know, cause drama for younger students.

[00:32:54] Alison: And I, I like that. And this school is not that way that they're at now. Everybody mixes together. And, but the positive to that is that there was a, an option, or there was a potential that the girls would have lunch together, which I was really hoping that they would. And unfortunately they do not.

[00:33:12] Alison: So that's a big bummer. But they are seeing each other a couple of times a day, which I think helps because it's just, it's that familiar face, right? Cause you're in a new place, you don't know anybody and nobody looks familiar and it's just, that's daunting and it's very stressful for our kids. I think it is for mine anyways.

[00:33:33] Alison: And so that they're able to see each other a little bit, I think is really helpful. So the parenting side of that is It's been a tough, it's been tough, right? Because I'm tired. Michael is like full bore in this, in his new job and just, I mean, super busy and engaged with that. And so the girls being home and trying to, you know, build them up as much as I can has really fallen to me.

[00:34:05] Alison: And And it's hard because I'm tired. I'm stressed. There's all of these, you know, big events that we have coming up that we're getting ready for. And so it's, it's been really hard. And I have to say that it's been, It's been really hard for me as a parent to be gentle with myself and let something slide.

[00:34:32] Alison: We had really grand aspirations for the summer that we were going to do homeschooling kind of stuff. Like what are some, Things that, you know, you really glossed over in school that we should spend some more time on or that you really would like to read, learn more about. And let's kind of dive into that together.

[00:34:51] Alison: So we picked a couple of things and most of it was around the ocean because we're ocean people. We love the water. But we're hoping to do an Alaska trip. So we said, Oh, let's do some research on Alaska and like the history and things like that. And of course the animals that you would find there because that's what's important to them.

[00:35:09] Alison: And just, you know, working with money because they really don't touch on that very much. And I think that's a skill that they need to have. Just little things like that. And it just did not happen. It just didn't happen. And so I just, I, I have struggled with feeling guilty about not doing enough and summer slide and all of this stuff.

[00:35:30] Alison: And I, you know, I just, you just got to let it go. We're doing the best that we can. And we're just, we're doing the best that we can. They're going to be okay. And if we think back to like, how we grew up. We didn't, I didn't do anything over the summer. There wasn't, right? It was like, no school, hip, hip, hooray.

[00:35:52] Alison: And you'll worry about school. You got to go back to it. There was no like, let's keep up with our multiplication facts and let's be reading and all this. No, there was none of that. I'm fine. I got into college. I graduated from college. It's, you know, I did okay. So I think we have to kind of Give ourselves some grace in that regard to maybe not be at the level that we were hoping to be at and that's okay.

[00:36:18] Alison: And then again, emotionally, Emotionally, PCSs, I think, are exhausting for military spouses, right? Because we shoulder so much of that, of that transition for everybody. For the house, for making sure that everybody's comfortable, they have what they need. Our, we put ourselves last in all of those things. And just holding ourselves to a really high standard of making sure that everybody's okay.

[00:36:43] Alison: And then for me, as you know, mama bear worrying about the girls going into school and trying to pump them up and you know how can we make good friends and make good decisions and you know, little tips and things on, you know, looking for new friends. Hey, what do they have on their backpack? Do they have something?

[00:37:03] Alison: That do they have like a Gryffindor sticker on there or something Harry Potter on their, on their backpack, on their notebook. Okay, well you like Harry Potter too. There you go. Start a conversation, right? Like just little things that they can do to try and make friends. And it's a lot. It's, it's very draining to pour that into them.

[00:37:22] Alison: Encouragement and hope and just, they need so much encouragement for this transition and it can be, It can be very draining for us. It can be very draining for us. So all right. So winding up here, the, one of the last things that I wanted to touch on is some of the biggest helps that have, that I have had in this transition.

[00:37:45] Alison: And that is the local Mill Spouse Facebook groups. So if you I had a mentor here who reached out to me and was like, Hey, let me know if you need anything. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I don't know. What? You know. I need all the things. So she pointed me towards two local Facebook groups. And so I joined both of those and they are just a wealth of information because we're all in the same boat, right?

[00:38:15] Alison: And so there's a lot of, Hey, who's your favorite vet? What are you guys doing for a dentist? Who's your primary care? What does anybody have a good groomer? Who do you, does anybody have someone that does really good, Highlights or balayage or whatever hair thing you want. And who's a good person for nails and what's your favorite restaurant?

[00:38:33] Alison: Like all of those things, right? That you're looking for as you establish yourself in a new place, you don't even have to ask the question. Someone else has already asked it. You just go to the search bar, right? That little magnifying glass in the upper right hand corner and type in your question. And I guarantee you someone else has asked that same question and there's all your answers right there. 

[00:38:54] Alison: So that was huge. If you can get tapped into the, those local groups is going to be huge. So what do you do if you don't have a connection to somebody on the base already? How do you find the local groups? And that's a really good question. And my, I would say that If you are, if you don't have someone local, I would go to fleet and family services or whoever the family readiness group, whatever it is for your branch of service and ask them, cause I guarantee you that they know at least a couple of them.

[00:39:31] Alison: And then if you can get into a one, then you can ask that question in there. Hey, are there any other groups if you're looking for something specifically, right? Cause a lot of times there's, You know, moms of this group or, you know, wives of this area, or they're specific. If you're going to a specific boat, there's a specific boat Facebook group.

[00:39:50] Alison: And so you can ask in those bigger, so there's like a military spouses of Kitsap. Right. The, that's a great over overhead group. And then there's a lot of subgroups off of that that you can go to. But if you're at least one of them, then you can ask, Hey, I'm looking for something specifically, and get into, get into those.

[00:40:09] Alison: So those are huge, a huge wealth of information. This is just a personal thing that drives me bananas, and that is when you go into groups like that and you're looking for information and whatever. Don't ask a question that you can Google yourself. Okay? Like let's come on. If I, I see people asking these questions all the time in these groups and I'm like, Oh, hold on a second while I go and Google that for you.

[00:40:39] Alison: Like just do it yourself. Like, I mean, that drives me bananas again in a lot of these groups. In the upper right hand corner, there's a little thing that looks like a magnifying glass. That's the search bar. Click on that, type in what you're looking for, and then it will show you relevant posts to the question that you're asking.

[00:41:00] Alison: Right? So, you can do that. Then, you can also just read through the thing. And then, if you have a question, type it into Google first and see if it answers. I don't know, it just drives me bananas when it's like I don't know. And then the, the, the posts that are like, give me all the good, the bad and the ugly on this.

[00:41:26] Alison: And I'm like, wow, really? I, can you not search that base or wherever you're going and then look at what other people have said? Let me, I just, let's try to ask better questions and to do our own research and not ask other people to do research for us. Okay. So that is what I have. That's what I have for today.

[00:41:53] Alison: All right. So until next time.