How to Attract Romance: Dating Tips from the Quantum with Victoria-Monique Balmatie Jagroe

When I interviewed Victoria back in March, she was still single. Since that time, Victoria has met someone and says she is very much in love. She also knows she can change her mind at any given moment as she continues to follow her guidance and trust her intuition.

Whether you’re interested in dating or not, you’ll get a lot out of today’s discussion with Victoria-Monique Balmatie Jagroe. Victoria is a spiritual student and teacher, a YouTube personality, a Transformational coach, athlete and creator of a vegan lipstick.  

In this interview, Victoria candidly shares her journey of overcoming a heart-wrenching breakup, her insights on using Neville Goddard's teachings, and her experiences in dating and self-love. We explore the importance of focusing on oneself, releasing resistance, and having fun in life and during the dating process. 

We also discuss practical tips for attracting a romantic partner and the importance of following one's intuition. I share a lot too, including my many years of navigating the dating arena as a single mom before marrying my husband 20 years ago. 

Connect with Victoria-Monique Balmatie Jagroe

https://www.youtube.com/@Victoria-Monique

https://moniquebjagroe.com/hello-freedom/

https://www.instagram.com/victoria_moniquebjagroe/

https://www.instagram.com/fralippolippie

Victoria’s YouTube video with Ramona Galey who channels Opra, “Where’s My Dude? Advice on Attracting Your Perfect Partner”

Victoria’s YouTube video with Ramona Galey who channels Opra, “Love & Dating Made Easy! A Conversation with Ramona Galey on Dating and More”

Chapters

• 0:00 Transforming Dating Through Self-Love
• 12:20 Navigating Self-Love, Relationships, and Trust
• 25:47 Law of Assumption and Manifesting Relationships
• 33:07 Law of Assumption and Intuition
• 39:08 Navigating Dating With Inspired Action
• 54:25 Finding Happiness and Love, Through Self-Discovery
• 1:00:50 Dating and Pursuing Love With Courage

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I wasn't doing all of that. I was just busy with things that are not part of something that fulfills me deeply and all of this really fulfills me, I guess. Yeah, I'm a part of changing the dating scene, because that's one of my missions, of that people, that we will all start to take responsibility for ourselves and, of course, you can f up, we're still human but that we go within and keep returning within and then becoming so much more together. And when we create that, all with each other, love is one of the things that we came here for right love, sex, food that's why we have a body but not to have these blame, shame, guilt, I'm not good enough because I'm not 20 anymore and my bum is not as tight, and blah, blah, blah. It's none of that. It's all being the beacon of light by loving ourselves as hard as we can.

Speaker 2: 1:09

Welcome to the Delicious Alignment and the Art of Abundance podcast. We cover topics related to health, wealth and happiness from a spiritual and metaphysical point of view. I'm your host, author and intuitive coach, rhonda Ryder. So, whether you're interested in dating or not, I think you're going to love today's discussion with Victoria Monique Balmati-Jugru. Hope I got your name right, victoria. So yeah, because Victoria is fantastic and we're talking about all kinds of things, spiritual and metaphysical, and as it relates to non-attachment, and specifically here we're talking about dating. Victoria is a YouTube personality, a transformational coach, an athlete and a creator of a vegan lipstick. Yes, she is multifaceted and pretty amazing.

Speaker 2: 2:09

In this interview, victoria candidly shares her journey of overcoming a heart-wrenching breakup Most of us have been there Her insights on using Neville Goddard's teachings and her experiences in dating and self-love. We explore the importance of focusing on oneself, releasing resistance and having fun while being single and while dating and while being married. We also talk about practical tips for attracting a romantic partner and the importance of following your intuition. I share a lot, too, including my 11 years of navigating the dating arena as a single mom before marrying my husband. Let me see, 20 years ago now. Yes, 20 years ago. So I also want to say when I interviewed Victoria this interview took place back in March for this podcast she was still single, but since that time I checked in with her and she has met someone and says she is very much in love. She also knows she can change her mind at any given moment as she continues to follow her guidance and trust her intuition. So, without further ado, I can't wait to introduce you to Victoria. Let's get started.

Speaker 1: 3:36

Hi Victoria, hey Rhonda.

Speaker 2: 3:39

So great to chat with you today about this delicious topic chat with you today about this delicious topic.

Speaker 1: 3:48

Yeah, I'm super happy to be here. You know that I've been a fan of yours for a while, so it's really cool that now I'm being interviewed on one of my favorite shows.

Speaker 2: 3:57

Oh, thank you, Wow, thank you so much and I know you have your own YouTube channel and we'll get into all that. Let people know all about the stuff you have going on. But first we want to chat about dating. Dating and law of attraction metaphysical world that you and I live in a lot of my listeners and your listeners it's a whole different ballgame and, like I shared with you before, I will live vicariously through you because I'm married and I am no longer dating. But I have lots of stories and not that I'm going to get into them today. We'll see what happens. But I love this topic because I remember when I was in the dating arena and really using these principles for that as well creating what you want and attracting and allowing what you want and all that kind of stuff. So I know that you're the one that came up with this topic. So where would you like to start? What would you like to share about it?

Speaker 1: 5:05

I'm going to give you the short version. When everything clicked together for me, that was pretty recently and because of a very heart-wrenching breakup which happened a couple of years ago in Berlin, I literally thought I don't want to live anymore, because I don't want to live anymore, because I don't want to live because it was so painful, rhonda, and I remember there was a point in the day that I felt so low that I felt like my soul was going to leave my body literally. And I know that we can choose when we step out or when we stay, and I really I didn can choose when we step out or when we stay, and I really I didn't care what would happen. So what happened? That evening? When I turned off my phone, I managed to get myself to a yoga class on this particular day. So it was already. We had broken up. I had gotten into the teachings of Neville Goddard to get this guy back, only for that, for nothing else. Little did I know that was my path to get deeper into these kinds of teachings.

Speaker 1: 6:14

Anyway, I had wished for something that had happened the night that I turned off my phone. So I turned on my phone the next day and there's a missed call from this guy, my ex, and I was like, finally contact. My heart was racing everything. I called him back. I said, hey, you called me hopeful, and he said, yeah, you're not going gonna believe this. I didn't call you, my phone called you. I was sitting on the couch, my phone started calling you and then from that point, I was like, okay, I'm staying in this life, I'm staying in this game. This is too interesting. Okay, fast forward to a lot of years later.

Speaker 1: 7:03

I have grown, mature, matured, so to speak, around this whole topic of dating and love and I had some interesting experiences after this particular man. And at one point I thought this is my thing, because I always keep coming back to wanting to know how this stuff works. And there was a point, there was a period of time, a big period of time, that I was super ashamed of being single. I always thought, oh, this says something about me, about my value. So I was so ashamed of this, rhonda, that I didn't want to communicate because I knew this is something that I should research.

Speaker 1: 7:49

But I didn't want to come out of the closet that I was a single person. And from the moment that I decided wait a minute shame. What is shame anyway? Because I know that shame is just an emotion to keep people small and down. It's not like we didn't make it up. It's made up for whatever reasons and I don't really care. So at the moment that I felt that super strongly and threw that shame off and came out of the closet like everything has been mind-blowingly amazing, vibrationally, all the things that are happening around me and I just started with the interviews ask a hot dude, and hot between brackets, because who's to say what's hot?

Speaker 2: 8:35

What does that mean? You started a show. What does that mean?

Speaker 1: 8:42

So I started a series of interviews. So this is why I knew that this is my shtick. For now, at least, all the information that's out there is if you behave, you will get this and that, and I don't believe it has anything to do with that. I believe it's become who you are meant to be. Oprah gave me because I asked in a private session with Oprah and I also put that live on my channel. And actually that's when it started, because I already put the clip up on my channel but it was on private, because I was just ashamed to put it live. And when I realized this and felt this freedom, I was like what shame.

Speaker 1: 9:30

So I published it, and in this clip I asked Oprah where's my dude? He's taking a really long time.

Speaker 2: 9:41

That's the name of the video. Right the title Where's my Dude? Where's?

Speaker 1: 9:46

My Dude. Yes, exactly, I love that, I love it.

Speaker 2: 9:50

Very good titling there, my friend.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Actually, it's also what I said to Oprah Oprah, where's my dude? And Oprah said to me and I love this because I know this stuff, love this because I know this stuff. Anyway, she said to me, as you learn to love your body in new ways literally my body, as I learn to love my physical body in new ways, I will learn to love others similarly, and then from that I will vibrate higher and higher, become a beacon of light and they will find you. These are my words, right? If people are interested, they can check the video to hear what Oprah had to say Exactly.

Speaker 2: 10:34

I'll link it. I'll link it in the show notes Perfect.

Speaker 1: 10:38

So it's all about me focusing on my highest excitement and not thinking and looking. Okay, is this the dude? Are you the dude?

Speaker 2: 10:50

are you no?

Speaker 1: 10:51

because that takes me away from me and all of the rules that are given out there. And it's fine, because there are multiple ways to roam. I just like the easiest way to roam and the way that is the most. That is the way that I love to take again, which is working on me. Yeah, being whole and fulfilled myself and seeing the results that come from that. And what do you know, there's stuff happening.

Speaker 2: 11:29

Yeah, okay. So just to rewind a little bit, just touch on a few things that you said. The first one is you mentioned oprah. The channel said something about loving your body when you love your body more. So I guess my question is did you have an issue with your body?

Speaker 2: 11:47

Because I see you all your videos and you're in the gym all the time and you're doing these amazing things monkey bars and yoga positions and just really doing very athletic, very into fitness and working out and work with a lot of women with their bodies, helping them love their bodies. So I'm curious, because Oprah said that to you did you have an issue? Or we all do to some extent, but what was that all?

Speaker 1: 12:17

about. Yeah, that's a really good question. So at first, when she said said that I was surprised because I thought I do love my body. And then I understood, because when something resonates with me, it's it takes some time to figure out like what was meant, and for sure I had an issue in the sense of that I was constantly judging myself for certain things. And where is judgment focused? At my being or not at my being, at my physical being, which is the body? So for me, I always really loved my body and there was a lot of judgment Because, for instance, I was jumping rope every day. At one point my knee was like I don't like this and I was like, yeah, but you have to like it because I love, I want to stay on track and I don't want to lose my fitness.

Speaker 1: 13:14

So that's not really loving. That is judging. So from that point I tuned in more and more and I think it will be a constant, like it's a journey till the day I take my last breath. And there's a big difference between the moment that Oprah said to me when you learn to love your body in new ways and where I am today speaking okay, yeah, so it.

Speaker 2: 13:44

It is a unfolding that keeps on getting better, not like I'm a hundred percent for me loving my body, but I'm pretty darn close and, compared to where I come from, with really the yeah, this, lots and lots of self-criticism, but so that's changed and all of that. So I just wanted to hear your story on that. But okay, so back to the dating. Yeah, tell me, like what's happening now and what are what, how you're having fun with that. Are you dating? Are you dating anybody?

Speaker 1: 14:19

Let me first go back to what happened. This was actually also because obviously we didn't mention Gina yet, but most of your listeners have heard of Gina Mallison in the meantime and if they haven't, gina Mallison teaches and about calibrations, and I've had a couple of calibrations, in the beginning with her on dating and I remember, after a particular important one where I released a lot of resistance, rick the guy that I just published an interview with today, ask a hot dude. Rick came to me in the gym literally the day after.

Speaker 2: 14:59

And I was very after you got calibrated by Gina on dating Okay.

Speaker 1: 15:04

All right, but actually there were two men. So there was one man waiting for me to finish my training. And I woke up from my and I was looking and there were two men waiting for me and I was like what?

Speaker 2: 15:15

Not one, but two After calibration.

Speaker 1: 15:19

I was so startled I thought what the what is going on here? But anyway, rick was, I love it.

Speaker 2: 15:28

I love it.

Speaker 1: 15:34

It was really funny. That's how that happens when we lose resistance and when we allow ourselves to move energy At the right moment.

Speaker 2: 15:40

I want to share how I met my husband and I just putting a mental note there, because it was like releasing resistance and like when you, I was just like I don't care, I don't care, and then so anyway, we'll bring that in later yeah, the first man since that time, since the releasing of the resistance, since me loving my body more and being very focused on my own vibration and not so much on.

Speaker 1: 16:09

Is he my dude? Is he my dude? Oh he's hot. Is he my dad? So rick, and rick came to me and he would and I could feel he was on a mission and my first response was okay, back up. So what I've learned and we're going a bit from here to there, but what I've learned is my body has very specific wishes and when she says I, I say she about my body. When she says I better listen, because when I don't let so, my body has intuition. And it's not that rick was not the right person or whatever, it was just my response Whoa.

Speaker 2: 16:48

Physically, like when someone's in your space. You just felt in your body like oh, wait a minute.

Speaker 1: 16:54

It was too intense, his energy was too intense and I needed space to allow myself to get to know him, because something that is I don't really care. I'm just going to say it. This is pretty personal and I don't care because we don't do shame. So I haven't been physically intimate with someone for over three years because my body just doesn't. I've been there, have been opportunities, but I just didn't want to. So all of this to say that I feel like my body's fine tuning more and more it's. I almost feel like I'm a virgin again, which is also totally fine, and I also think it's a beautiful process because I'm just I'm rediscovering what it means to be physically attracted to someone and while there is. So we're now with rick. So a couple of things that have happened since. And your question was are you dating? I'm not dating and there is someone. So there is there's something unfolding and that's super vague and I do not want to be any more clear than that.

Speaker 2: 18:11

I totally get it. I told there's a love interest. Yeah, but it's more than that. Even it's more than that.

Speaker 1: 18:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:20

Is with this guy, with this Rick guy.

Speaker 1: 18:24

We are friends in the meantime and I love him. He's a beautiful guy and this interview that I did with him he's in, uh, brazil, now south america. When we spoke I thought, wow, you're so much deeper than I gave him credit for, actually, and he's been a couple of times to my place here in amsterdam because he also lives in amsterdam, and he's been a couple of times to my place here in Amsterdam because he also lives in Amsterdam and he's not here at the moment. And there was something developing, like I started to develop feelings and then he decided to leave to South America, which at first I was disappointed because I thought, oh, I'm doing all the work, it's going in the right direction, and and now he leaves. So I felt like it was a failure.

Speaker 2: 19:08

It wasn't a failure.

Speaker 1: 19:11

He is not the person for now for me to be intimate with. I'm also learning to trust what's going on. Sarah Landon said it really potently, or the the council recently, that I got it because I had a period of time that I didn't trust myself because of this breakup. We were each other's lists. He said to me you're everything on my list. And I said to him you're everything on my list.

Speaker 1: 19:40

And when that fell apart, I thought I messed up because I create my own personal reality. And then when I heard the council say so it's the expectations that you have that caused the disappointment, which caused the lack of trust For me. I was like this is my guy, we're going to get married. If I would have known what I know now and it's all fine because it's all learning in the grand scheme of things and that's why I'm here expansion if I would have known like abraham also says, I like you pretty good right now, let's see how it goes. But I was like, no, we're getting married.

Speaker 1: 20:22

So this expectation was shattered to 5 million pieces and now I understand ah, just go, I'm just going with the flow without having to know, and obviously that's a practice. Like now, I feel very calm about it. Tomorrow. I can be super frustrated for a couple of moments until I release resistance again. So now I know the expectations, I can trust myself. I can't. I don't care. If I can't trust myself, what do I have Right? So it's all about self love for self and trust of self.

Speaker 2: 21:05

Yeah, when you say expectations, I think of it also as attachments. Like you were, this is my dude, we're going to get married and then we get very attached to different things. I was talking to someone, a client, yesterday and she is very attached to this is the house I want, this is the house we're going to buy and it's this house and just like walking through that that's great and we even visualized on it. We did a visualization exercise. But again, letting go of the attachment of this is the thing, it's going to look this way, this is the thing it's going to look this way and a soft desire, right having a desire for something and then letting it go, and not to say yeah and trust, and not to say that you, I, you have a strong desire, say to get married to this particular person.

Speaker 2: 22:01

Yes, that's nothing wrong with that. It's just like going with the flow, though, and realizing not being attached.

Speaker 1: 22:09

And now. I'm also at a point which took me a while, whenever someone said that I just wanted to pull their hair like this or something even better.

Speaker 2: 22:20

Oh, you wanted to pull their hair.

Speaker 1: 22:21

And now a couple of moment points later years. I know because there have been something even better, Because I couldn't believe there could be anything better than my then partner, Like he was everything Rhonda to the.

Speaker 2: 22:40

T. How long were you guys together? A couple of years.

Speaker 1: 22:44

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:44

Sure yeah, sure yeah, and you obviously really loved him a lot.

Speaker 1: 22:52

It was attachment. When I look back at everything, it was just like he's the list. I got to keep him because he's the list.

Speaker 2: 23:00

He checks off everything on the list.

Speaker 1: 23:02

Yeah, but later, like I evolve, my wants evolve, what I want to be with who I want to be myself evolves. And from this whole ordeal I finally got to the point where I started to do what I came here to do, which is dive deep in Neville teachings, the council, bashar yoga. I've been teaching yoga for a couple of years. I will be teaching yoga again. So all of these things I wasn't doing, all of that I was just yeah, with things that are not part of something that fulfills me deeply and all of this really fulfills me.

Speaker 1: 23:46

I I guess yeah I'm a part of changing the dating scene, because that's one of my missions, of that people that we will all start to take responsibility for ourselves and of course, you can f up, we're still human but that we go within and keep returning within and then becoming so much more together. And when we create that all with each other, love is one of the things that we came here for, right, love, sex, food that's why we have a body but not to have these blame, shame, guilt, I'm not good enough because I'm not 20 anymore and my bum is not as tight, and blah, blah, blah. It's none of that. It's all being the beacon of light by loving ourselves as hard as we can.

Speaker 2: 24:43

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Speaker 2: 25:47

So I want to tell the story of how I met my husband, because it falls into the conversation of non-attachment, and so we're together. Let's see my daughter's 27. So we're together 20 years since we met, and prior to that I was a single mom and I at that time was doing Matchcom. There were a lot of opportunities, I was having a lot of fun and finally I said I just need a break. You go out two times a week meeting somebody for the first time, just doing that whole thing, and after a while it was like, okay, I'm taking a break. I had a breakup with someone because he wanted children. He was a little bit younger than me and I was like, nope, I've been there, done that, I've got a girl and a boy. I'm good. So we had to break up and that was really sad because I really liked him, he was so nice. But then after that I was like, okay, I'm just taking a six month break from this dating thing. I just I need a break from all of this and I'm just gonna focus on me. And but so it was like I didn't care, I went to, I got to that I don't care.

Speaker 2: 27:16

And a lot of people say that if you don't care, if you're not trying, that's what people when it happens, when you're not even trying, because I did ultimately want to meet someone and get married as well, now that's the thing you need to do, but that's what I wanted. So, anyway, yeah, I met him. We were going to these pool parties, he was their mutual friend, and then he threw me in the pool or whatever it was, just like that was his way of showing me that he liked me. It was fun, but anyway, we wound up. Yeah, we wound up dating and that was it.

Speaker 2: 27:52

But my point is that I really didn't care at that point, like I was not looking, and so I find that interesting that when we're trying whether it's creating more money or finding a relationship or anything that you want it's, it can be this thing where you're trying or you're attached to wanting it, having these expectations, and then when you let go, like you have a desire and you let go. That is the quote-unquote, seems to be the formula, seems to be the secret to the secret that that letting go of resistance yeah, and that is really.

Speaker 1: 28:33

That is so true and I believe that something. So the universe also expands and evolves and I know that the whole forget about it and it will come that that works for sure. And I also know from experience now, because I've been playing with this for a while, that I can have the desire come into fulfillment when I'm not attached so I can be like, playfully, play with it, because when I'm like it has to happen, that's not that's attachment. I can still have the desire for the money, for the guy, for the whatever, without the attachment and going with it playfully. Just to say for anyone that's listening and thinks but I have to forget about it, then I can't forget about it.

Speaker 1: 29:31

So it's not about you have to forget about. It's about being open. It's not being this person, being open to it not happening next week, knowing that it will happen and that it will be someone really amazing, because we created ourselves. So we're not going to put someone on our path and we're like, okay, I'm just going to choose you because apparently that's no, it's someone speaking about love that we will really like and we need to get. We, we need to butt out like who it is, we can still enjoy and play, but the whole idea is play, play. Yeah, let it be fun yes, yeah.

Speaker 2: 30:15

And to your point about you, don't. It's not to say that you need to forget about it, because when it comes up, when it comes into your mind and it feels good and it's fun to think about it, great. But the moment it's like it feels a little wobbly and not so fun to think about it. Pivot, think about something else, get a calibration if it won't go away, this yucky feeling. But feeling good is the main thing. Yeah, yeah, and so you don't have to forget about it. And you can also visualize. I love visualization. I do want to ask you a question about law of assumption in a second. And you can visualize about it. That is so powerful. Like, just take five minutes and just see yourself there with your beloved. He could have a face, he could have a name, or he or they, or them or she, and just like bask in that, see it, experience it as if it's happening right now, pre-pave it, write it in your journal and just knowing that. Okay, also, I'm not going to be attached to a certain specific result, let it unfold. However, it unfolds. Yes, yeah, exactly, yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:37

So let me ask you about the law of assumption. And here's why I want to ask that because I have a friend. It was a while ago. She was telling me about how she wanted this specific guy. Yeah, she had gone out with him and then they broke up. He broke up with her and then she told me that she's using law of assumption to get him back. And I thought that was interesting because that sounds a little bit like attachment to me. Again, I want that specific person, but she was swearing by the law of assumption, which is where is that from? Again, is that Neville Gardard or yes.

Speaker 2: 32:17

And so can you talk a little bit about the law of assumption.

Speaker 1: 32:21

So what would you like to know specifically?

Speaker 2: 32:24

She was writing out things as if they were already done. Yeah, so you're assuming, which I love. Act as if is it the same thing Like for me, I might prepay and write out everything as if it's already happened. Talk about it like it's happening. Oh, I want a second house. This is true. I want a second house like a vacation rental, so I could go ahead in my journal and write down we have our second property and we're renting it out. It's making us so much money. We also get to go and stay in it, so is that law of assumption?

Speaker 1: 32:59

That is, it is law, that is law of assumption, and so different teachers call it different things. With regards to specific people, there's an interesting I'm not sure if you can say dichotomy, like there are different camps of people. One says it's possible, the other say it's not possible, and I have a take on it. That's in the middle. I believe that it's possible, for sure you can manifest a specific person. There is a but to it, however. So when? Because this is how I got into Neville Goddard because I wanted and I needed this person back.

Speaker 1: 33:42

I was extremely attached to it. It was not healthy, was not good for my health, and it's all fine because, in the grand scheme of things, it got me to where I am now and I've been through all the ups and downs that you can think of. I've been there, I've manifested crazy success in there and also crashed and burned many times. So connecting the dots backwards because that's what I love to do Like I'm hyper aware of what I'm using, what teachings I'm using and the results that I'm seeing. So now, thinking and looking back and feeling back, I already knew viscerally that it was not good what I was doing, because every time I was busy with the law of assumption and every time I was super focused on him, my body would feel off. And now I understand what it was.

Speaker 1: 34:39

It was my body that said cut it out. He's not the one, stop it. I didn't want to listen because I wanted what I wanted, I would say, because everyone has this system. We all have a body and we all have an inner being which speaks to us through our feelings and our intuition. So whenever you do the law of assumption and you feel like this is what I want to experience, go for it If it feels good. If it feels good, do it it also. If it doesn't feel good, do it because you will reap the fruits of the labor in any case, like it will be bitter fruits or there will be sweet fruit. Do whatever. It's how your body responds to you. So the law of assumption is a thing, it is real and it works. And the question is do you want it to work because you're attached or do you want it to work because this is really your path?

Speaker 2: 35:45

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and being open to whatever unfolds, because your inner being, your higher self, whatever you want to call it, knows the whole picture. And we don't necessarily know the whole picture, and that's why listening to your body is like listening to your intuition, which knows it's guiding you. Your body is always communicating to you and I love how you keep weaving that in, because that is just such a wonderful way to access intuition as well that your body knows, yes or no.

Speaker 1: 36:23

Yeah, and our higher self speaks through the inner being with us, like it's a trinity the higher self on the mountaintop this is Bashar's analogy the higher self is on a mountaintop, the personality self, me, body is in the valley, and then the inner being is the link between the two. So the inner being is attached to both, to the higher self on the mountaintop. It's like that string on a balloon and that's how it communicates through to me the personality better not, yeah, but I want you, yeah, but better not. And it's all fine, because there are no there, nothing goes wrong. It's just sometimes I think now, oh, what a waste of time. And I also know perfect, apparently I needed that time. And now I just know next time I will listen sooner, or actually there won't be a next time, because there's a whole different way that I look at all of these things now. There'll be a new time.

Speaker 2: 37:28

Yeah, a new experience. So what would you say to someone listening who is dating and would like to either find someone a companion, or would like to find a significant life partner or just someone to have some fun with and spend time with, have a romance, have some excitement? What would you say to someone who is really has a strong desire for all of that? What are some? I want to say tips, but I don't even know if that's the right word because we're in a metaphysical law of attraction-y kind but, from that viewpoint, not like dating tips, so to speak but there are tips, there are metaphors, the new rules let's call them the new rules.

Speaker 1: 38:20

The new rules are no rules. So if you're not at that point yet where you can tune in clearly yourself because I listen very attentively and I have a breathing practice that I do sometimes once a day, mostly a couple of times a day, and always to tune in okay, what wants to be, what wants to make itself known to me, if you're not there yet yourself, I don't know if it's intuition or if it's fear, or if it's someone else collective consciousness, or if it's fear or if it's someone else collective consciousness then I would say follow. Do you feel good? Does thinking of dating feel good? If not, there might be something to work through and you can figure that out in numerous ways. There are people that can help you with that.

Speaker 1: 39:08

If you meet someone because I think some people say don't go online dating but if it's inspired action, I met people through online dating. That was super inspired action. It was like, yes, and you can also sense through the inter-ethers, because everything is energy in the end, and it doesn't matter if someone's online or if someone's standing next to you. You can sense into it, feel, do they feel good or is there something that says not sure. Listen to that. Listen to and, most of all, make it playful. It's not serious.

Speaker 1: 39:46

We're making all of this stuff so serious, and I've been one of these people, and sometimes I still am, and I constantly remind myself this is playful, it's fun yeah yes, and I want that person and it needs to happen. That's not playful. Yeah, at all.

Speaker 2: 40:08

Yeah, I, my God. When I was single, I had this platonic friend and we were talking about dating all the time because we were both single and we started writing a book together. I was so into this, it was really good, it was a good book, but I never published it. It was about how to. I don't even know what we called it, but it was about having a certain amount of leads in the hopper, like a sales term, because my problem at the time, or my challenge, was I would get attached, I would go out on a date and if I really liked the guy, I would be one of those women who would be waiting by the phone for them to call, so codependent, very attached to someone that I liked.

Speaker 2: 40:57

And so we found a solution to that.

Speaker 2: 40:59

We said if you have multiple leads in the hopper, like you're talking to multiple people, not necessarily you're intimate with all of them. And actually we said just be intimate with one of them so you're getting your needs met, so you're not so desperate when you're actually out on a date. So it was all these like games and rules, and at the time this was a long time ago, and so this book was really fun and it actually helped me because I found myself not being so attached and codependent when I didn't meet somebody that I liked, because I was talking to some other people just talking or chatting online or whatever, or actually going on dates, and so that I wasn't all my what did we call it? All our eggs weren't in one basket, so to speak At the time. That was very helpful to me because it helped me not be so codependent with that one person and just let things evolve. And then eventually I did meet someone by just continually over time, releasing more and more resistance and loving myself, which the journey led to more going within.

Speaker 1: 42:17

Eventually, what I can say, because I would love to respond to what you said before and it inspired something that I would love to say about that. So it's not about poo-pooing on any rules or things that people do, because it's about whatever feels good and, if you feel really comfortable, safer, if you would have five what was the term you used?

Speaker 2: 42:46

Leads in the hopper. I can't remember what we were calling it, but it's like a sales term, yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:52

I know hopper, I know whopper, but okay. So if that feels good to you, it's fine, yeah. Where it becomes problematic because it's still not a problem, but where it becomes problematic is if you feel like you have to strategize, because otherwise, abc, because that's not what it's about. It's about and, as I said, like there are multiple ways to roam, which is your way, my way is the easy way, like the. Okay, I've got me. I've got this because for me, if I I would go in the rule, a whole rule book, then when everything goes to pieces, then who's going to pick me up? Not me, because I've broken down, because the rules didn't work. Do you know what I mean? I'm working on having my own back. I'm having my own back. I'm fulfilled and whole within me. I'm working on having my own back. I'm having my own back. I'm fulfilled and whole within me. I'm playing, I'm looking forward to play with someone else and that, yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:00

So that is, if anyone takes anything from this interview on dating is follow what feels good and play, have fun. Flirt my God, I've been flirting my head off. It's amazing. Is follow what feels good and play, have fun. Flirt my God, I've been flirting my head off. It's amazing I'm finally allowing myself. I figured out so many things that I was believing that was just like, ah, interesting, where did that come from? And not necessarily that I need to know. It's just so nice to just not mind. Ciao, what's that? No, not thinking that either. So I'm giving myself permission to be fully free and fully me and I'm enjoying all of the attention and whatnot. What comes with that?

Speaker 2: 44:44

I just love this topic because obviously, if I wrote a book about it, I was really interested in the whole thing. And it's funny because I was really. It was like a game. I was having so much fun meeting different people and all of that. And then on Matchcom which I don't even know if that still exists, which I don't even know if that still exists but then the way that I met my husband was just not through any action, just showing up at these parties, these pool parties, and he wasn't even on my radar. It was just like he was there and was just like some guy, and then we wound up together. And then we wound up together. And so it's just so funny how the universe or we are the universe is orchestrating the events. You can't, even if you tried, you couldn't plan it out, like as good as that.

Speaker 1: 45:44

I have so many stories, rhonda, of like how, because everyone that I dated was a perfect manifestation of a really strong desire. And my very first boyfriend. I had been in love with him for two years. I had him seen play basketball in the school gym and he was one of the most popular guys in school and everyone was like him, forget, look at you, look at him. Like literally right, that's what people yeah, that you know how it goes in school like people are not really mindful, yeah, they say, in any case, two years later he was my boyfriend and it all came together in the craziest beautiful way. And so I also wrote out a lot of these stories and I made videos about them because they're so nice to share, and I had not have been able to think up how we would eventually meet and come together. I didn't know anything about manifesting then. How old was I? 14, almost 15. And he was 18. So you know this beautiful blonde guy, blue eyes. I saw pictures of him recently. I thought, oh, I would totally fall for you again.

Speaker 2: 47:04

Where was this? Where did you grow up? In Germany, no, in.

Speaker 1: 47:08

Horden in Holland.

Speaker 2: 47:09

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:11

I was born in South America, grew up in Holland, in Horden, and so it is so beautiful when we just get out of the way and you know what, like one thing that I know, and that's also what Oprah said, or Ramona said when I interviewed her about this, because I also interviewed Ramona on dating focus on things that you love. And I remember that I was every night I was just like, oh, gideon I thought his name was Gideon, it turned out to be different. Then I made a drawing on my wall and I put something on top of it so no one would see it, and my mom and and I was only thinking this loving thoughts because I didn't know him yet, so I didn't know if he had not loving things. And so we came together because it was just pure open-hearted love. It was just only like a blast of love that constantly went to this guy, without attachment really, because when you're so young, I don't think I think there's way less attachment.

Speaker 1: 48:12

Yeah, and you know what, ronnie, you said if dating tips one, one other important thing that I got from my interview with ramona and which she also said in another interview she did about dating only focus on positive aspects of all the men you dated in the past, or women. Only focus on positive aspects. Don't go. Nah, I don't want that again, because you will attract it for sure and you will be like huh, why is this happening? Yeah, because you're focusing on it, dummy. So only focus on things you like of your ex-partners and focus on things that you would love to see again, and all the things that you didn't like not important Gone. No, only the positive.

Speaker 2: 48:58

I love that Save the date. The Delicious Alignment and the Wisdom of Oprah event is happening. Ramona Gailey and I have a date and location for our one-day workshop in the Asheville area on October 19th 2024. The location is only 15 minutes away from the Asheville airport and close to the Biltmore, Black Mountain, Chimney Rock, Lake, Lure and much, much more. About the workshop itself Ramona Gailey receives her guides, called Oprah, to answer your questions. Many call this channeling. This is a hot seat format similar to one you would see at an Abraham Hicks workshop, but much smaller and more intimate, with ample opportunities to interact directly with Oprah and get your questions answered. And as the author of Delicious Alignment, I will be facilitating a workshop, a one hour workshop focused on self love, body love and celebrating our food. There are only 20 spots available and registration will open this month, so stay tuned for more details. And what do you think about making a list of things that you would like in a partner like your must-haves and your negotiables? I think it's good to have clarity.

Speaker 1: 50:23

Yeah, I think our inner being and our higher selves, like God already knows, right, we don't have to keep repeating I want this, he knows what suits. But, and it can also be fun Like it can be fun to focus on it and make a list, and this happened a couple of times, that the list just came what? And then I found out like, oh yeah, it's everything on the list, but it's actually not really what I wanted. So I would say do what floats your boat. If it feels good, do it. And I would say also go qualities over, like emotional qualities, because, duh, of course they need to be pretty or handsome, you need to be attracted to them because otherwise To you.

Speaker 2: 51:07

Yes, you need to be attracted. I would say that's important. But again, it's really otherwise to you. Yes, you need to be tracked.

Speaker 1: 51:14

I would say that's important but again, it's really up to you. What feels good to you, yeah, yeah, but the whole brown hair, brown eyes only I would go for it if it feels good. But I would leave that open because I know of a lot of people that said, yeah, I ended up with so and so only not my type on paper, but I'm so in love with them. So just give yourself more wiggle room because you're creating it.

Speaker 2: 51:36

Yeah, I like the list. I think clarity is really important for when you want to manifest things that you want again, without attachment to a specific thing. But the clarity gives you power. It's oh, I want a relationship and these are the things that are important to me.

Speaker 2: 52:05

Non-negotiable. I think negotiables and non-negotiables are important too. I think negotiables and non-negotiables are important too because, again, I've been divorced once and so, yeah, wish I had those non-negotiables in there for the first marriage and also, knowing that nothing's wrong here, there's no mistakes, everything's perfect, and I got my daughter out of that relationship. But looking back, yeah, if I had gone with my non-negotiables, I probably wouldn't have gotten married to that person. And so I think it's powerful to have a clarity about what you want and, again, not focusing too much on the non-negotiables but go, oh, I don't want, I definitely don't want anybody that smokes cigarettes. Okay, oh, meet somebody they smoke cigarettes. I definitely want somebody who is has certain amount of financial stability.

Speaker 2: 53:05

If I was to be single yeah, let's just say I was single I would have my list, me personally, because that feels good to me. If that doesn't feel good to you, then don't worry about it. I met with a friend recently and she said I don't care about the money, I have money, I don't care about it. I'm like, okay, because I was helping her kind of make that list in a way in her own mind, just while I was trying to find out, cause she was asking me for advice, which is weird because I don't really give advice anymore. It's let me talk to your inner being and all the answers are within you. But yes.

Speaker 2: 53:48

So what else would you like to say to anybody listening that would like to find their dude or their dudette?

Speaker 1: 53:57

or their they.

Speaker 1: 53:59

It is possible for you. If the desire, when the desire is there, it is possible. Period, because that was a long time. It was my fear. Maybe it's not possible for me. Now I know that it is.

Speaker 1: 54:17

I'm just sifting and sorting like that and the interesting thing is I integrate energies really quickly at the moment. So what I think I want in a partner, I meet it pretty quickly, we dance together and then I'm like huh, no, not interested anymore, and so I don't need to have physical intimacy for that, it's just an integration of something that I know I need. And so I would say, and I say it is possible for you, and you will meet them when you're having the most fun, like when you feel happy and joyful enough. So, happy and joyful enough, you will meet the person and you won't go into oh my God, what if they fall away? Because then you're in attachment and you need someone to into. Oh my God, what if they fall away? Because then you're in attachment and you need someone to make you feel whole. So make sure that you're first at that point that you're like you know what? It would be really awesome to meet that person, because I feel I'm ready.

Speaker 1: 55:23

And not because I've been there for a while it's been so long. I don't want to meet anyone in that state, because when there's someone in my life I will hold on to them for dear life and for sure they will run, because who wants that?

Speaker 2: 55:38

Because it's true, you, I've been there where I feel so lonely. I just want, I want that special. Where's my person? I started at 13 years old with that conversation. Where's my person? I started at 13 years old with that conversation just boy, crazy, and wanting to be in love and wanting to have that experience and it was like everything. And, of course, as you get older, you realize that my happiness is within me.

Speaker 2: 56:07

I'm the only one responsible for my happiness and I think of my dear friends Karen Money Williams and Mark Toms. They're from Florida, they run and they still. They started another Abraham Hicks group where people actually get together and have a meeting and I went there for 10 years when they were having that and I always think about their relationship because he would always say I'm the luckiest guy in the world and she, karen, lets me know I'm not responsible for her happiness and I just love it when they share that and they. He's not responsible for her happiness, she's responsible for her happiness. So he's off the hook.

Speaker 2: 56:52

And I learned a lot from that because in the beginning of my marriage, a lot of times I would make my husband responsible. I'm not going to lie. I would make him responsible for my happiness happiness when I let go, stopped trying to control him and just knew that I'm responsible for my happiness, not him. The relationship got better. I'm sure he appreciates that very much I know he does and, oh my God. They have such a beautiful relationship and I am so thankful that I was able to go there for 10 years and just see them and see how they do things, how they really walk the living.

Speaker 1: 57:39

It's also. It's super attractive. I find people that are centered within themselves so attractive and, of course, you can get into your sexually cute as well. So attractive, and of course, you can get into your sexually cute as well. Yeah, it's I. I like it's been. Especially the guys that I meet are all these really? They're gym dudes, they're strong, fit men and then, noticing that they can get shy, like, oh, that's so touching they can get shy.

Speaker 2: 58:07

Yeah, yes, of course, oh, so sweet, yeah. And I think again to your point that when you focus on yourself and having fun, you will attract open the door and they'll be waiting online like for you. They're waiting on the site to talk to you and maybe not like that, maybe they'll show up at your door. Sarah landon I remember she's sharing how she says her uh partner. He literally showed up on her door because he's a veterinarian and I guess he was showing up for the horses or to something like that. I don't know the exact story, but he literally showed up on her tour. That is amazing.

Speaker 1: 59:01

It's so interesting to me because what I noticed is that people come to me and I'm just like, yeah, but what about these people that come to me? Don't they want someone that come to me? Don't they want someone to come to them? Do?

Speaker 2: 59:12

you mean these guys that come to you, don't they want somebody to come to them?

Speaker 1: 59:18

Exactly. I was just wondering, like how is it for them? But because they this is an assumption they are men and men. They say men like to chase, but then, at the same time, I think men also like to be wooed.

Speaker 2: 59:35

I actually like that question because with me, with my husband even though, like, he threw me in the pool, that was obviously his way of flirting and I would see him at the seminars we met at landmark education and he would flirt, but then he never asked me out and I was getting very frustrated like why? Because I had that thought in my head that the guy should ask me out. That's what I want. I want the guy to ask me out. But I would see him at these pool parties and sometimes I would bring my kids and he would hang out with my kids and give them so much attention and just be so wonderful with my kids. That's way to a single mom's heart is be nice to her kids. And so I was baffled and I didn't understand. So finally I just asked him him out and the rest is history. I love that.

Speaker 1: 1:00:36

Now tell me more. How did that go? Were you nervous, Like when? What happened? Were you at a pool party? Give us the deets, Rhonda.

Speaker 2: 1:00:44

Oh, okay, now there you go. Okay, this is fun.

Speaker 1: 1:00:48

I love this stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:00:49

Yes, now, there you go. Okay, this is fun I love. Yes, I really I guess kind of old school in a way where I wanted the guy to pursue me, and so I had an experience a couple of experiences, though where I just I asked a guy out twice, like two different people, and it didn't work out so great. I was working in a corporate world and I felt like this man kept staring at me and he was very nice, I liked him and he worked in the IT department, but he never asked me out. So then I finally asked him out, and then he was offended. I would never frat with somebody that I work with, and it it was just so horrible to get that rejection. I was like, oh my to put yourself out there.

Speaker 2: 1:01:35

I don't normally go around asking people out, so it was. It was really not devastating, but definitely hurt. Yeah, it burned and but I still with this thing with my husband, I still still, after a while I'm like. I know he likes me, I know it. So I just couldn't take it anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:01:57

I just asked him out, yeah, but yes, and I love it, but were you at the pool party? Was it at Landmark Education? Do you remember this?

Speaker 2: 1:02:07

Oh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, education, do you remember this? Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, okay, so you really. I have to tell this story because at the pool party where another time it was adults and we were playing truth or dare and someone dared they were, I don't know, I guess they were picking up on something between us where I hadn't picked up on it at all. I was in the pool, he was sitting outside of the pool and I was. I just had this thought, like what's wrong with that guy? Why doesn't he go in the pool with everybody else? And that was about the extent of it. That's, that's it. But somebody, this lady friend, must have picked up on something because we're playing truth and dare. And so she dared him to make out with me. So I was like this I was hanging over the side of the pool, I was in the pool, and so when she dared him to make out with me this is my memory, he tells it differently he ran over to make out with me. He this is my memory, he tells it differently he ran over to make out with me and we made out, and then I was like, oh, hello, oh, and who are you like? That was like a nice kiss and I love it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:03:26

So then, even after all, he still didn't ask me out. So I was like after that and then so it was a few more times of stuff getting together, seeing him in a group scenario. We all went to the movies in a group, we all did this as a group was always group. And then finally I had this party to go to was a Halloween party, costume party. So I just thought I wasn't nervous, I just thought I'm just going to ask him to go with me to the party. And he said yes.

Speaker 2: 1:03:58

So we, yeah, we didn't get crazy with the costumes, but I think I was like a vampire and he was like a nerd, which he is anyway. So we had these, the white shirt with pens sticking out of the pocket. I thought you were going to say nurse, but you said Nerd, yeah, which he is. He's a yeah, so a computer guy, techie, so. And then we've been together ever since. But yes, so I didn't give up. I mean I followed my inner guidance. Even though the one guy rejected me when I asked him out, I still was following my guidance and I think I was into I was definitely into spirituality and I just said, screw it, I'm just gonna ask, I'm just gonna ask him to the party and yeah, I love it.

Speaker 1: 1:04:45

And you know what, when you were saying that this guy at work reacted in that way, I'm just like, yeah, what? Always when people because I've had it in the streets a couple of times that people just walk up to me to ask me out and never been that I thought, oh, I would like to go out with you and I always say, wow, thank you for having the courage to do that, because I can imagine that's pretty nerve-wracking. And then I go into the, I'm flattered but I'm not interested, and I think it's amazing when someone has the guts to do that. Yeah, I applaud that. I'm just like, wow, good on you going for what he wants.

Speaker 2: 1:05:27

Yes, really. And when you think about it in my world I don't know what it's like now. Obviously everything's different, but in my world it was traditional. I was more traditional in the sense that the guy asked the girl out. Now we have different pronouns. I respect all of that In whatever way, but I think still, like you said, it takes some guts when I think about in the past the guys having to usually do the asking. Even going to clubs when I was younger and waiting around for somebody to ask you to dance. I could dance with my girlfriends, but other than that I felt like a wallflower. You just have to wait for somebody to ask me to dance. I'm sure it's very different now and I hated that. I hate that part of going to clubs.

Speaker 1: 1:06:23

Yeah, I know what you mean and you know what. Because this whole new way of being, because when we are in a playful light mode, things just work differently. Because I also take inspired action when I feel it. It has to be really inspired, though. I have to feel the surge. For the rest, I'm just happying myself into more happiness and vibrancy, not to get something, but simply because it feels better and the great thing is, things do happen from that.

Speaker 2: 1:06:57

Yes, I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation with girlfriends over the years. I want to meet somebody. I want to meet somebody. I'm not meeting anybody and it's just go have some. Just do what interests you, follow the yes, your highest excitement. Just do these things that interest you. It's in my belief that person don't worry, the universe knows what you want.

Speaker 1: 1:07:27

And because you can't orchestrate it like I did, all the online dating stuff but I didn't meet my husband that way yeah, you know, and I also did online dating and I had some really cool boyfriends from that, and never the man, because it was always out of frustration that I went on to dating sites. It was never from Ooh, I like this so much, I just want to meet someone. So what do you get? Someone that's actually a match to that energy.

Speaker 2: 1:08:03

Yeah, it's like with anything right, the energy you bring to it go into it with, and there's nothing wrong with it, I'm just yeah, that's not my game anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:08:13

I'm going for high vibe.

Speaker 2: 1:08:14

Yes I'm going for high vibe. Yes, this has been so much fun. We could talk about this for another couple of hours, this. I really enjoyed this conversation, which I knew I would. Me too, I too, I love it.

Speaker 1: 1:08:29

I love this stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:08:30

Yes, and we look forward to hearing what's next for you on your journey. And so I'd like to ask you, victoria, because we didn't really get a chance to talk about anything like what you're up to Are you a coach? I know you're multifaceted as we often are. Are you a coach? I know you're multifaceted as we often are, so tell me whatever it is that you like to let people know about what you do and how they can find you.

Speaker 1: 1:08:58

Yes, so I do, as you said, a couple of things. I have a vegan lipstick brand which I put a link in the description if people are interested in knowing more about that, because I have a link in the description, if people are interested in knowing more about that, because I have a website and this is a whole long story for a whole different time and I will speak to Bo tomorrow about it, actually about the lipstick.

Speaker 2: 1:09:21

Oh, timothy Waterman. Yeah, okay, how can people find you?

Speaker 1: 1:09:27

I will give you my Instagram handles. I think that's the easiest, because I also have a website with a blog with a lot of articles on this. I have a YouTube channel with a lot of videos and if people are interested in finding out more about me, then they can just follow their guidance and click whatever feels good.

Speaker 2: 1:09:48

Okay, so what is your Instagram handle?

Speaker 1: 1:09:52

Ah, you want me to mention it now. So my full name. It's pretty long.

Speaker 2: 1:10:00

Okay, so I will put all of the links in the show notes and you can find Victoria that way, just her YouTube channel and her Instagram and all of that great stuff, cause she has a really long name and just it'd be easy just to click on the link. Wonderful.

Speaker 1: 1:10:17

Yeah, exactly yeah. Thank you for having me and for, yeah, letting me give my side perspective on things. And if it feels good for whoever listens, take it. If it doesn't leave it, Always go like that.

Speaker 2: 1:10:37

Yeah, exactly. Thank you so much, victoria. Thank you for having me. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I don't know if you can tell, but I really had a blast talking to Victoria, and if you'd like to get in touch with her, one of the best ways you can do that is on her YouTube channel at Victoria-Monique. Just go to YouTube and search Victoria Monique. I'll also post that link and all her links, including her website and Instagram handles, in the description below. And here are a few ways you can connect with me. You can go to my website, deliciousalignmentcom. You can join my Facebook group, delicious Alignment, and, if you enjoyed this content, you can make sure to subscribe to this podcast or my YouTube channel, or both. It's the podcast, episodes are on both, so you'll never miss an episode, and you can also follow me on Instagram at Delicious Alignment. Well, that's it for today, my friend. I will see you next time.