Embracing Singlehood and Seeking Partnership Past Fifty

Navigating the murky waters of midlife dating can feel like a solo voyage in uncharted territory. Chanel and I, with laughter as our compass, chart a course through the often tumultuous sea of romance after 50. Our latest Real With Love episode is a lighthouse for listeners, casting a bright beam on the complexities of seeking companionship during life's second act. We unfurl our own stories, candidly sharing the trials and triumphs of dating in a world where the once vibrant nightclub scene has given way to the serene, though sometimes dreary, landscape of modern communication.

Dating over 50 comes with a backpack of challenges, from stale suitors believing they're still 'players' to unraveling the ties of past relationships. We delve into the underbelly of dating apps, discussing how to gracefully swat away the unwanted advances that sometimes feel like an endless game of whack-a-mole. Our conversation becomes an anthem of empowerment, arming you with insights to recognize red flags and embrace the joys of solitude and self-discovery. With wisdom peppered with humor, we offer up our lived experiences as a guide for navigating the search for romance with eyes wide open and hearts guarded by self-respect.

Wrapping up this heart-to-heart, Chanel and I extend a warm invitation to our fellow over-50s to join the dialogue and share their own tales of love and life. As we bid adieu, we remind our listeners that happiness is a solo project, and finding contentment within oneself is the greatest love story of all. Tune in for a blend of real talk and laughter, and let's journey together through the intricacies of midlife romance, celebrating the days ahead with love, care, and a touch of independence.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Well, hello, hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Real With Love podcast. I'm Lav, your host, and we have Chanel, your co-host.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Hi everyone, happy new year. I hope everybody's new year is starting off well?

Speaker 1: 0:15

Yes, everyone. So we're happy that you've decided to join us today here, and today's episode is Woman Over 50 in Relationships for 2024. So you know, woman Over 50 and Relationships for the most part, it's for most women. I think it's a challenging thing. You know, in this day and age that we live in, there's so much distraction going on among us and, you know, even though we're over 50, we're still trying to work on our own growth. You know, in that next phase of our life, you know what I mean. So it can be challenging.

Speaker 1: 1:06

So, since you've been in your 50s, how would you describe your dating life, my dating life? I don't really care for any dating life Because for the most part, these men, it's like you have another son. They don't want to grow up. You know I can't be bothered to be. You know like it's almost as if you're correcting them with certain principles and you know how you see you having a healthy relationship. You know the communication right, communicating, the listening skills. You know it can be very it's like you have another child, like you're raising. I already raised two sons, I don't need a third one.

Speaker 2: 1:57

Which is fair to say.

Speaker 1: 1:59

And for me, you know, as you get to be this age, you get to understand yourself more. You know what you want in life and it's okay to be alone. You know the lying and the gains and you know they play with your feelings, with your emotions, and sometimes their behavior can be somewhat narcissistic, yeah, and selfish, and selfish. So, and mind you, I'm not saying all men are like that, but for the most part there's a lot of them out there like that.

Speaker 1: 2:35

Right, and it's more than the ones that are pretty good. So you have more that don't want to act, their age more than the one who do you know, have that responsibility and are committed to their responsibility, right.

Speaker 2: 2:50

Right.

Speaker 1: 2:52

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:53

So do you think the men in your age group? Would you say that they're immature, or would you say that they're still a little bit nervous to commit?

Speaker 1: 3:06

What would you think the issue is? I just think most of them in my age are tiring and draining, yeah, and I don't care to really get to know, like to get to know anybody to start a relationship, I kind of just. I think I like the space that I'm in.

Speaker 2: 3:25

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Because sometimes they come and they see you by yourself, yeah. And when you open up your heart and your door to them, yeah. And when they're ready to start to hurt you emotionally and even mentally, they make sure when they come in and they see you happy. They make sure when they're exiting they leave you sad.

Speaker 2: 3:42

I agree it's like. It's like an revenge.

Speaker 1: 3:45

Yeah, so I think I am I shouldn't say I think I am comfortable in the space that I'm in right now.

Speaker 2: 3:52

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 3:53

I don't got time. You know I still got goals set that I'm trying to reach. Yeah Right, I don't have time to focus on. Oh, is your feelings hurt? You know? What are you stressed out about? Is there anything I can do to help? You know, I just, I just I don't have the energy for all of that.

Speaker 2: 4:14

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:14

It's fair to say. You know, I feel like I'm the same way too. I don't have the energy. Life is too short to be wasting it on wasters.

Speaker 2: 4:25

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 4:25

That's what I believe. Yeah, it's too short to be wasting it on wasters right when you could be. You know, if you don't respect my time and if you don't respect me as a woman, as a person, then you're not worth me even. You know you would be saying hello to me to start a conversation.

Speaker 2: 4:45

Right.

Speaker 1: 4:46

So I really don't have time like that. My life that I live is very busy lifestyle with lots of curves and bumps along the way and a lot of challenges and stuff. So I really don't need anyone with any baggage to come and add to my baggage. Exactly, I have enough, exactly. And if we cannot make one where you can suggest or, you know, do something wonderful, then you can just donate. It doesn't even make any sense, just keep it moving and let me stay in my happy space, yep.

Speaker 2: 5:18

I agree. How would you describe your date? How would you describe dating in your 20s and 30s, compared to now?

Speaker 1: 5:25

But would you see the big difference. Well, when I was in my 20s and 30s, you know, it was something like I was moving towards having some success in my life, along with raising three children on my own With my beautiful mom. Her soul, rest in peace, was always there, you know, as my support system and loved her grandchildren, her children, very much. But back then it was somewhat, I think, life, because life has changed, like so many changes in this era. But then, from my experience, the men were a little bit more energetic.

Speaker 2: 6:14

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:17

Their approach was somewhat how should I say? You feel that attraction, the talking, was more in communicating, talking about life skills and talking about certain things and what we foresee might happen in the future, depending on what was going on at that time in that era. So sitting down and having a good conversation with a man back then was much, much better and much healthier than now. Now there's hardly any communication really.

Speaker 2: 6:54

There's hardly any communication, and when you do, get down to talk, some serious talk.

Speaker 1: 6:59

it's like they shy away from it because they don't know how to hold a healthy conversation. When a woman who has ambition and goals comes with certain strong point and certain conversation of today, they don't really care to hear it. But back then everybody was in that age where they want to reach somewhere, they're working on something. Mind you, there's something that was like a lame. It's like every day for them is a playday. But I've met and had friends and met in my dating scene that you know what it wasn't as bad as now.

Speaker 2: 7:47

Would you say they were more committed? Well, I know that.

Speaker 1: 7:52

Then some of them weren't really as committed. But then, when you did have the relationship and it didn't work out, we parted in a more decent fashion. It was just different, but we still respect each other and we're still friends. You know, compared to now, you're cussing that person and that person's cussing you out, and it's a whole different ballgame. But then, yeah, there was things, but it's just different here now. And the men they got older and they think that they're the age that they were 25 years ago. It's like they go through this midlife crisis where they just don't want to grow up, right? So I just think women mature faster than men. I really do believe that that they mature faster than men. I just think men are somewhat afraid of responsibility and being committed. You know most of them anyways.

Speaker 2: 8:53

How would you describe dating and in a relationship Like, how would you differentiate the two?

Speaker 1: 9:00

I think dating is okay. So I'm dating this guy, okay, we're just dating, we're going out, we're getting to know each other, but you're not setting anything to say okay, we're going to be like, committed to each other, we're dating to see where it goes, right, if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out. You know you're going to date, you're going to see how he is, his habits, how he communicates with you and stuff like that, and from there you know okay, I don't like your style, so we're going to move on, so we're not, we're not going to really date anymore. Just go, do you and I'll do me.

Speaker 2: 9:36

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:37

Now, when it comes to relationship, you know you guys need you start enjoying each other's company more and more you enjoy each other. Relationship is more it takes, if you're, if it's, if the goal is relationship, then it's going to take a while before you really you know, see certain things and before you even start really putting in. It's just like a one step at a time thing. But when you're dating it's like you're just dating, you don't really care, like I'm just dating and I like him. He's cool, we're going to go out, but I'm not really looking for you to come and latch on to me, sort of thing, but when the both of you, you know, want that relationship, it takes more time because now your emotions are in it.

Speaker 1: 10:23

Right, your expectations are in it.

Speaker 2: 10:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 10:28

Right and your communication skills. You know having serious conversation about what you want or what you expect from you know from both sides. You know what I mean, how you feel about each other and that you know it's like a man would say you know, I really I'm really interested and I really I want this to work out. You know I want us to get to know each other more. I want us to do things together. That's when you know, you know that's trying to have. You know, develop a serious, a good relationship.

Speaker 2: 11:03

Yeah, yeah, I agree, I feel the same way, too Different from just dating. I feel the same.

Speaker 1: 11:09

I've dated, I've gone out with a person maybe three times on the third date, while you suck.

Speaker 2: 11:14

Yeah, forget it, I'm not going nowhere.

Speaker 1: 11:15

Next time you call me no.

Speaker 2: 11:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:18

You know, that's true. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:21

I feel the same way, being in my 30s. It's kind of challenging too, because of all these guys in my generation not all, but some majority of them they're all players. They don't want players.

Speaker 1: 11:34

They don't want to commit, but you know, what.

Speaker 1: 11:37

Even in my age group they're still. They think they're players Like their game is so stale and boring that it's like okay, like just don't even, don't even go any further with your conversation. You know, because you sound so stupid. You know what. You grown ass man, like you in your 50s and you're acting like you know you're in college or high school and you really, you know you want to check this girl out, so you're coming with your stupid lame talk. You know what I mean. Like you're grown Right. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. So I don't go for that. As soon as I see the comment acting like that, I just I just back away. Sometimes I've had guys that comes up to me like grown ass men, you know in my age group and hi, you know you feel so familiar. I don't even answer, I just keep walking.

Speaker 2: 12:26

Yeah, because they don't keep some game to you.

Speaker 1: 12:28

Yeah, I just keep walking. Or when they start saying hi, how are you Okay, I'm not ignorant like that I would say hello, you know, and how are you, I'm good on yourself, good. Then when they go further than that, now, no, I said okay, here it comes, you know. He starts to strike up a conversation about all so you're married? And then, of course, the answer is yes, because I'm not interested. You know what I mean. Or sometimes, look at it. What makes you think that I would be interested in you?

Speaker 1: 12:58

Yeah, you know what I mean. You're probably on child support or some you know having a difficult time and you're just looking somebody to dump on. So I just you know, when it comes to us in this age, we want to be content, we want our peace, we want our respect, right, and we love to be in our space. As you get to this age, you don't care if you are alone, Like you're not married and this and that, because a lot of people out there they have husbands and they're going through hell, right, and so you know you have some women they don't like to be, they can't handle being alone. It's something that they just can't handle. So what they do? They date and they date and they date and they date till, you know, nothing really comes out of it. Some, maybe something comes out of it down the line, All of a sudden they break up because they're so eager to have that somebody in their life, right, but not all women are the same.

Speaker 2: 13:58

That is true.

Speaker 1: 13:58

I just I like my little happy space, no matter if I'm stressed out or things are bothering me things are not going that well at that moment I still love my space, my quiet space. I feel the same, you know. So I mean, you guys are young and of course you know you have somebody in your life and stuff like that. But us mothers and us women, 50 and over, you know, for the most part we don't really care, at least from who are the people that I've talked to, the women that I've spoken to and had good converse, conversation with I got the cups, got good conversation with they don't care. Yeah, it's just all about them. Right, it's all about me and my growth and my self care, self love. That's what it's about. No more coming in cooking and I know honey, I'm not into that. Call me honey and cook for me and give me something. I'm not going back there again.

Speaker 2: 15:04

You know I feel the same. Um, what challenges do you find with women who are 50 and up who want to date Like? What are the challenges that you?

Speaker 1: 15:18

think that they face all the time. You mean like if you are, like, if you want to date, yeah the book challenges.

Speaker 2: 15:27

Do you find that women who are 50, when they run to men and those are the women who want to date what challenges do you think that they face with?

Speaker 1: 15:36

the men that they come across. Sometimes the men they lie and say they're not really married or they're separated from their wife.

Speaker 2: 15:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:41

Right. Or they broke up, but they're still sleeping with their wife or their girlfriend, their ex-girlfriend, Right. Sometimes they're going through a hell of a lot with child support and court, you know. Or they just want to just date, tell you what you want to hear and, um, but what they're telling you it doesn't match their actions, Right, Right and everything. They don't want to answer the phone, you know, or they have you on do not disturb stuff like that but they still want to fight, to go ahead to say you know, I really want to meet somebody. Yeah, Right, and I spoke to. She's not my like close friend or anything, it's just an acquaintance. And she goes on these, these, these dating app and I'm saying you want?

Speaker 2: 16:26

dating apps.

Speaker 1: 16:28

You know, and it's like dating apps you don't even know if you're going to sociopath or psychopath. Right, that's how desperate you are to have somebody in your life. Dating apps, you know. And she's met a couple a couple of times. I think there was one where he only showed. She always wondered how come he's only showing like from his head to his chest, but she can never see him full, right, she can never see him full, full on this whole body. And, um, he was crippled and they went on their first date and she met him. Oh my gosh, yeah. So he says that's why? Because most time when he shows everything, they just they blank out, they don't really want to to go out or anything, they cancel it or whatever. So this time that he didn't really want to say anything, right, yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:22

And she said he was a really nice guy, but he has, he has a disability.

Speaker 2: 17:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:26

Right. So, um, that didn't work out. And then there was another one where when she met him, it's like it's the face, but when she met him it was. He was like 400 pounds. Okay Right, not that your body's changing anybody, but she wasn't expecting that and he was trying to lose the weight. Then he started to become. She decided to give this one a little chance, you know, and he's trying, but then he started to become really overly possessive.

Speaker 2: 17:56

Oh, that's such a rich flag right there, right yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:00

And you don't need that. You know that's a rich flag right there Because he's already insecure. That's why he's so overly possessive. Yeah right, if he calls and he doesn't get on the first ring, it's like he's wondering what are you doing? Where were you are coming in? Tell me you're going there, this, that, that. So I said because he's insecure.

Speaker 1: 18:16

So, that's not going to work out. He's already insecure of his body, his weight Right and probably can't get a good date until when you know he's you're trying with him. So now he's all excited, thinking that things you got to be, I told you, you got to be careful with all that.

Speaker 1: 18:29

That's a red flag for me right there. I mean, even if you're overweight, it's okay, you're working on losing weight, nothing is wrong with that. But what comes with that behavior is you. He's stifling you, like that's too literally. So I said, these dating apps and these things, some of these people have emotional problems. So I think so those are some of the stuff that Women in my age you know they've well. Of course, I've met this woman, like you know, we're just acquaintances, we're talking and um that. Those are the challenges and she was telling me about.

Speaker 2: 19:03

Oh, wow.

Speaker 1: 19:03

Yeah, I'm not into that.

Speaker 2: 19:05

Do you think you've met any challenges Me?

Speaker 1: 19:10

No, because I'm not looking. Yeah, I'm not really looking. Yeah, I'm not looking at all. I remember at one point I was in the mall in the sky we're in the same store and it was, it was winners or whatever marshals or home since whichever one and you know, I'm in the aisle and he comes over and he's looking, say hello and I smile, said hello and he goes oh, you have a beautiful smile, I go. Thank you then from there. So Did you want to go out on a date? Just like that, random, just like that? I said, um, no, not even to the park to watch the stars, said I don't do parks and I don't watch stars. Then he switched off and he says okay, how about we go hiking? I said I don't hike, for the most part black woman. We don't hike, we don't do the camping thing. No, okay.

Speaker 1: 20:02

Majority, we don't do that, then that didn't work. Then he goes okay, how about Just going from a night walk, just a night walk, just to walk and just to talk? Said I don't do night walks, I don't do camping. He goes the movies. I said I sleep at movies. I sleep at movies, I fall asleep, so I don't do that either. And he kind of looked at me like you bitch, like you know. I mean, well, I guess you don't do anything at all. I said no, I don't. And then I turned to him no, no, I freaked the script. I said so are you married? He goes home me. No, no, no, no, I'm a James Bond kind of guy.

Speaker 2: 20:42

I said oh, You're James Bond kind of guy.

Speaker 1: 20:47

I said okay, well you have yourself a lovely day. Yeah, so you know, and he was a younger guy too, geez, you know he's complimenting me of a nice smile, you look nice and and I said thank you, like I'm not that kind of ignorant.

Speaker 2: 21:02

Yeah, kind of behavior.

Speaker 1: 21:04

Oh, no, I don't do those things. I say thank you and stuff like that Kind of weird though, but you asking me just come out randomly like that. That's weird. Yeah, I mean that's weird, you know, and I'm like, okay, so those are the things that I find it's very irritating.

Speaker 1: 21:21

Yeah, very especially those ones that comes over to you oh, you look beautiful. I said yeah. I said yeah, thanks. And then he'll say, okay, um, my name is so, and so you know, would you like to go to dinner sometime? I told him no, I'm married.

Speaker 1: 21:35

Yeah, he goes so she's just ones that you're not interested in or you're not trying to do so you should see this guy, I go, I go, oh, he goes to me. Oh, okay, okay, sorry about that. I said, no, it's no, worries, it's fine. Oh my gosh. So these are the things where you know right off the bat, you can tell that you are just, you are one of those waste man. Yeah, you know what I mean. So that's good to see. Yeah so I'm very comfortable in my space. That's for good to see. Yeah, very comfortable.

Speaker 2: 22:04

So um.

Speaker 1: 22:07

Do you in the future? Do you want to date? No, you know, I don't want to date at all. I just want to enjoy my life and do some traveling and you know, like how we want to go away soon again and, you know, enjoy my grandkids and stuff like that and enjoy, you know, do work on my goals of what I see myself In the near, near, near future. You know what I mean, right? Um, that's pretty much it. I cannot, I don't have the energy.

Speaker 2: 22:38

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:39

I don't have the energy. You know, you hear women. They say, oh, if I get it, I, he has to have a lot of money and he has to have this and he has that. That's. That's not my, my, my issue.

Speaker 1: 22:50

I don't go off looking like if I, if I would want a relationship, to say he has to have a lot of money and he has to have a big house and he has to this, and that you go with a man, have a lot of money. You think that man has a lot of money, is gonna give you his money, like that. No, you think he's gonna take up all his money and just say, here, you know you want a man with a big house. Why don't you get your own big house? I have my own house, right, it's true. So why am I looking, you know? Oh, because you know that way, you know, you can probably go live with him in this big house. I don't. I don't have time to be thinking Stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 23:28

Of course, if you meet a guy and he's a very respectable man and he's, he's wealthy, let's call it that. Yeah, and he likes to be kind, yeah, that's fine. That's different. But I'm not going out there to talk about, oh, he has to be rich and he has to be this and he has to be that Right, if a man's working hard and nine to five or whatever, and he has his goals and his ambitions, I'm good with that, I'm good with that. As for to say, you know, but I'm not looking that you got to be rich, you know, for me, to date, you, you gotta have that little mansion going, you gotta have business, business. What do you think you think you're gonna get any of that? You're not gonna get any of that. You know, for the most part, men, when they have their money, they're like when they're wealthy, they're not stupid with their money when it comes to relationships.

Speaker 2: 24:14

No, they're not to his denies. Okay, they're not.

Speaker 1: 24:16

You're not at all and it's just vice versa. Ain't no man gonna come and put claim on our home, you know, and stuff like that or anything, that I've worked hard and you worked hard for our to for to come in here and claim yeah, no, claiming going on. So I don't go for all of that. When I hear women talk about oh yes, that money has to be rich, he has to be this, he has to be that right, because some of these men that have a lot of money, they're the most corrupt.

Speaker 1: 24:44

Yeah and you got to adapt to their nasty lifestyle. Okay, exactly, you want to jump into their bandwagon. You better follow everything that they want you to do. You better, you know you better bow down, because that's what they're gonna expect, because a lot of these men, when they have their money, their money, is what they praise.

Speaker 2: 25:03

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 25:04

Okay, take all the love out of it, take all the affection out of it. It's all about the money. It's all about the money, that's it. They're married to their money, they're not married to you. Once they start making those big dollar signs, you are secondary. Once they're working towards that dollar dollar sign, yeah, you're there first because you're helping them to move up there. Once they're there, now you become secondary. So I don't look for no man to To to give me anything.

Speaker 1: 25:34

I don't look for no man to give me anything. I don't look for no man to show me no gifts. I don't look for all of that, but I look for no man is quality. Yeah and his honesty. Yeah and it's hard work. You know his mannerism, you know, I think that's, those are the cause of all.

Speaker 2: 25:51

Those qualities are very important. Those are the quality, those are the qualities, right.

Speaker 1: 25:56

So aside from all this money business, they say, the fool and his money shall surely part, and that is true, right.

Speaker 2: 26:05

So I Don't chase what advice would you give young women like myself in terms of dating as we get older? Well, I would you give us.

Speaker 1: 26:21

I mean you all are young still and I mean, you know, you guys are the age where, yeah, you have your special someone and I just say, you take it one day at a time. If it's something serious, you're looking forward to Every nothing. That is nothing. Anything that you're working towards Does not come easy, and that includes relationships. It takes time to build, because you got to take time to build the trust, Right, yeah, it takes time to build and you're gonna learn to understand each other. You got to know what's going on in order to respond correctly. If you give me, if you're giving me, somewhat of a behavior, as if you don't want to communicate with me, then I'm gonna respond to that.

Speaker 1: 27:22

Yeah and it's not gonna be a positive response Right Now. If you communicate with me and talk to me and Explain to me even 50%, Right, Because you know nobody. You don't have to tell the person 100%, but you can tell them enough for them to understand.

Speaker 1: 27:43

That shows me that you care how I feel, right, because you must can hold something to yourself. You know what I'm saying. And men are sensitive, right? If a man is opening up to you and he's opening up to you in a way enough for you to understand what's going on, it's different from when he doesn't want to open up to you and he's only calling at you when he feels like it. Well, I'm going to respond, right? It's like a thing you play the music and I'm going to dance to it. So if your behavior is negative, then I'm going to push back Until it's like you know what this ain't working out. So all of that is like it's like a big umbrella, right. So relationship, you know you got the trust. Communication, affection, emotion, your mannerism, respect, you know trust All of that, under that umbrella, is working towards developing a good relationship.

Speaker 1: 28:49

That's pucks, I agree, and sometimes you think, okay, this is just not, and you know, with time you see that it just flourish because there was time and there was patience and there was understanding on a different level. Right, but you don't want to use that time for to stretch out because you want things to, you know, move forward where you know UK we were at this stage of it you know you want to have a child, you know stuff like that.

Speaker 2: 29:21

I agree Right To all our listeners and followers what do you guys think? Tell us your opinion. So all the listeners who are 50 and over.

Speaker 1: 29:32

Yeah, ladies.

Speaker 2: 29:33

How was your dating lifestyle? How was your dating life? Any challenges you guys have run into? Tell us, send us an email, send us a message, let us know.

Speaker 1: 29:46

Yeah, so that's all for now, everyone, and we thank you so much for joining us from Be Real With Laugh podcast. Don't forget to check out our YouTube, our YouTube page at Be Real With Laugh, and our Instagram and Facebook. And so it's the end of our episode. Thank you again. You guys, take good care and have yourself a wonderful week. Take care, everyone.

Speaker 2: 30:13

Take care, have a blessed day Love.