128. Transforming Leadership with Self-Awareness and Emotional Control

How can leaders harness their personal power by developing self-awareness and emotional control? What role does self-regulation play in effective leadership? In these difficult times, especially for corporate companies, leading effectively hinges not just on technical skills but on a leader’s capacity for self-regulation and emotional control. 

In this Leading with Power & Purpose episode, we'll explore those questions with Dr. Yasmin Davidds. She is an entrepreneur, organizational psychologist, and CEO of the Dr. Yasmin Davidds Leadership Institute and Multicultural Women Executive Leadership Foundation. These organizations are dedicated to teaching and developing leadership competencies, primarily focused on women in professional corporate and entrepreneurial settings.

Listen in as we explore the concept of personal power and its role in building leadership effectiveness. You will also learn how to navigate “playing the game” without having to lose yourself in the process.

Key Takeaways:

• How self-awareness can serve as the foundation for authentic and effective leadership.
• The importance of emotional control in maintaining personal power and making smart decisions.
• Practical tips for developing self-regulation as a core leadership competency.
• How to use self-awareness to build stronger relationships and lead with greater impact.

What You Will Learn in This Episode:

• (02:45) How Dr. Yasmin’s career journey started when she was actually just 5 years old 
• (07:04) Why personal power and emotional control is crucial in leadership
• (12:09) How embracing personal experiences, including discomfort, is essential for leading yourself and others.
• (20:20) Strategies for reframing conflicts to communicate your values and resolve issues effectively.
• (24:05) The challenges that C-suite women leaders face and how self-awareness can help
• (34:04) External pressures push CEOs to choose women leaders, but the shift should come from within.

Book Recommendations:

• Graciously Assertive: How Becoming a Better Human Makes You a Better Leader - Dr. Yasmin Davidds
• Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao - Dr. Wayne Dyer
• The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-Create Your World Your Way - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Connect with Dr. Yasmin:

• Website: https://www.dryasminedavidds.com
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dryasminedavidds

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HOST INFO:

Sabine Gedeon is a dynamic force in the world of leadership and personal development. As the Founder of Transformed Leadership Institute and CEO of Gedeon Enterprises, Sabine leverages nearly 20 years of experience to guide clients in both startups and Fortune 500 companies. Her unique approach combines human-centered principles with tech-enabled solutions, delivering customized programs for leaders at all levels to tackle crucial leadership and talent development challenges.

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ADDITIONAL SUPPORT:

Download Free Resources - https://sabinegedeon/gifts
Get Coaching Support: https://meetwithsabine.as.me/Discovery

Transcript

0:00

Are you tired of playing small and ready to step confidently into your greatness and share your unique brilliance with the world? Well, you're in the right place. I'm your host, Sabine Gideon, and I've dedicated nearly two decades empowering individuals and leaders as they confidently navigate the twists and turns of life and career transitions. If you're seeking direction, connection, or just a little push to play bigger, consider this podcast, your VIP path to a community that genuinely understands your journey. Join me every week for candid conversations and practical guidance designed to help you navigate the challenges of life and business, foster a growth mindset and cultivate meaningful connections. It's time to embrace your inherent power, define your unique purpose and prosper in every aspect of your life. Let's get started.

Sabine: 0:54

Hello and welcome to another episode I'm your host Sabine Gideon, and I'm excited to be back with another female powerhouse. So if you're completely new to me, of course, I'm the host of the show. I am also the CEO of Gideon enterprises, a professional development firm that works with organizations and leaders who are looking to uplevel. And support their personal and professional development goals. So with me, I have an amazing guest and you guys missed the earlier part of the juicy conversation, but I'm sure you'll get plenty of that. So today with me is Dr. Yasmine Davids. She is an entrepreneur, organizational psychologist, and CEO of the Dr. Yasmine Davids Leadership Institute and Multicultural Women Executive Leadership Foundation. These are organizations dedicated to teaching. Instruction and development of leadership competencies, primarily focused on women in professional corporate and entrepreneurial settings. She has been recognized and highlighted as one of the top leading Latinas by Hispanic magazine, and as one of the most influential Latinas in the book of Latina women, how awesome. Welcome to the show. Dr. Yasmeen. I am so excited to have you here.

Dr. Yasmin: 2:06

so much for having me. I'm super excited about being on your show. I've heard great things. I've read great things about it. I've heard some of the episodes and they're The conversations are amazing.

Sabine: 2:15

Oh, Thank you so much. Well, I have been, um, I've been following you since you've come into my orbit, uh, the last couple of months and every, every post hits hard. And so I am excited to have this conversation and, you know, of course, as always the audience is in for a treat, but before we get into the nitty gritty, I would love for you to share, you know, the cliff notes version of your career journey, all the work that you've done that. Has led up to the work that you're doing today.

Dr. Yasmin: 2:45

I would say that my career journey really started at the age of five years old. And people say, what do you mean? I said, well, that is when I found my life purpose. And that is because I grew up in a very dysfunctional family where my father was very abusive towards my mother and my mother, my sisters. And I, and I asked my mom at the age of five, mommy, you know, my mother, immigrant didn't speak English, came from Mexico. My father from Ecuador to the U S. I said, Mommy, like, we have to leave, like, I knew, like, this is not good, like, that it hurts us. And, and, and she says, Mija, I don't speak the English language. I don't have any skills. If we leave, we'll be homeless. This is just the way things are. And I say, Oh, no, Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to change the world to make it better for women. I didn't know how I was going to do it. I didn't know it, but I now believe it was my only way to find hope. In my life. If not, if I didn't find hope, there would be no purpose to live at age five. That's how bad it was for us. So I made a decision at that age and I don't know where I got my little guts. that I can change the world. But everything I did moving forward was even like protecting little girls on the playground, making sure bullies, you know, were disciplined, making sure it was, it was fighting an injustice, um, and growing up focusing on helping women become the best versions of themselves. And at the age of eight, I asked my mom, mommy, it's gotten real bad. We got to go. And she says, you know, your grandma told me as long as I was a good, uh, wife, I'd be taken care of. She never told me the price I have to pay to, and she said, whatever you do, don't be like me, get your education because she had a third grade education. And I didn't, at that moment, I made a choice that I was going to be the most educated Latina. No surprise. I have my PhD, right? So I do believe these choices we make in childhood do determine who we become as adults. So my focus now in my career and the businesses that I build, my companies that I build, the books that I write, everything is focused on helping women understand that the choices they made in childhood could be helping them and also could be hurting them if they were choices made on a survival basis. And really freeing them from trauma that has caused them to play low, play little, and now open them up to become the best version of themselves, helping them heal, to be able to go to the next level and become the best version of themselves as leaders, as business, whatever it may be, to play big, to think big, to be big in their life.

Sabine: 5:15

I love that. There are so many nuggets I want to take away first and foremost, you know, thank you so much for, for sharing and for being vulnerable. And, you know, I love the fact that, you know, you have. You have such a vivid memory of, you know, those key pivotal moments that made you decide, this is who I'm going to be. This is what I'm going to stand for. This is what I'm going to represent. And so I think that that is a great segue into the conversation here because we're having this conversation around. Um, power and our relationship to power amongst other things that we'll talk about. But first and foremost, you know, you speak a lot on the experiences of, uh, women of color, first generation in corporate environments and business and everything else. And you're able to provide this real life, uh, expertise because you've lived it. on the challenges, the unspoken things, right? We know that in corporate, there are unwritten rules, but there are unspoken challenges, um, or you don't things that you don't see that people are experiencing. Um, we just see the highlight reels, right? We just see the accolades and we assume, oh, okay. Yeah. They, they had it all together, but don't know. The generations of messaging, if you will, or paradigms that they had to work through to be able to to change that are still working through. And so, given your experiences, I'm so interested in hearing what your responses are to this particular question. So, You know, when you think about just where you are today and all the experiences that you've lived out, how do you personally perceive the differences between power, authority, and influence, and I should probably say how do you define the three, and then how do you personally perceive the differences between the three.

Dr. Yasmin: 7:04

So I'll start with power and there, I see two different types of personal power, you know, personal power. I see it as power over feeling you have power over your life agency over your life, every decision you make self managing your emotions self managing understanding that there's going to be grief and loss and you will hurt, but yet you want peace of fully understanding the power you have. In your self awareness, social awareness in your self regulation. That's that's what I call personal power and understanding that you can manage and control almost every aspect of your life. Of course, the world in the universe will do what it's going to do, but not feeling ever feeling that you are powerless, even in making a decision. So that's personal power. Now power, utilizing power to make things happen is being able to use your resources, whether it's relationships, whether it's money, whether it's status, whether whatever it is to make things happen, whatever that may be. Right. That's how I define utilizing power. Right. And so I choose to utilize my power and resources to make things happen. In order to further. The betterment of women for the most part, because that is my purpose. I mean, humanity in general, but women is where my heart authority, I would say is a title. A title, you usually only have authority when you have a title. Once that title is gone, that authority is gone, because then it shifts to influence, right? Influence is when you are able to make things happen on whatever resources you may use. It may be authority, it may be relationships, but you're able to make an impact, or you're able to make a difference, or you're able to, once again, make things happen. With whatever resources you may use, it may be for good purposes, bad purposes, but I would say authority is only position driven and influence then is beyond a position driven.

Sabine: 9:15

Okay. Okay. So it sounds like if I'm hearing you correctly, you're saying that authority is, um, is given to an extent. Um, and whereas influence, it's, it's you, it's the way you show up. It's, it's what you do with what you have, regardless of whether or not you're in a position of authority. Um, and I love the way that you broke down power in the sense of, okay. Personal power and the actual demonstration or manifestation of power. Um, I think often, you know, depending on our experiences, right? And I thought you were going to go a little different with the authority. Um, but I'm, I will, we'll dig back in there, but I think with power, you know, when we're so accustomed to seeing power modeled in a certain way, right? Like most people Most people, when I asked them, like, Hey, do you want to be powerful? Let me take that back. Most women I asked, like, do you want to be powerful? They're like, well, I mean, yeah, sure. Like, I don't, I don't know about you, but I don't have a lot of women in my life saying like, I want to be powerful. Now, are they powerful in the way that they have, um, overcome and been resilient and done all the things? Absolutely. But do they see themselves as powerful or do they see that power is the thing that drove them to do the things that they that they did often not they often more than often I should say they don't. And so there's that space between, you know, your personal power and understanding that and then also the positions of power. Some there's also been, you know, this this I don't want to say this disconnect. Maybe it's more of a connection between power and a position, right? So almost like you put it with, uh, authority, authority being a title, um, power gets lumped into, okay, this person is powerful or they have power because they're sitting in this particular seat. So like the CEO, we're both CEOs, right? There's just an assumption. Oh yeah, these people are powerful, but we go, if we go to work at, you know, Citibank or wherever else, we're not going to be the CEO, but That doesn't take away from the fact that we're still powerful.

Dr. Yasmin: 11:22

Yes, I agree. And the word authority, you know, I've never been asked to find the word authority. I don't like the word. To me, it's just a title given, you know, a set of, of, of tasks you've got to do. Like, I don't see any, any benefit or any kind of impact. I'm all about impact. I don't see impact coming from authority. And that someone chooses to use that to have influence, right? So, that, I just see it as a very command control kind of word. I have authority over this, therefore I need to do A, B, and C. Um, I don't see it as maybe, I don't, I see it as very neutral.

Sabine: 12:03

Okay. Okay.

Dr. Yasmin: 12:05

And neutral is boring to me.

Sabine: 12:09

Understood. And, and no right answers I hear, or no wrong answers, no right answers, uh, I shared with you in the beginning, right? Like as I've been having these conversations, it's really to build more awareness. Um, within us and how we're defining it, what the relationships are, um, what are the things that we shy away from? What are the things that we lean into? What are the things, experiences from childhood or from corporate that we've had, where we've kind of been like, Nope, I don't want any parts of that. But I think essentially when you look at Now we're going to take it to the leadership, right? When it, when it comes to being able to lead first yourself and then others, and then an entire organization or a movement or whatever, you essentially need all three of those in order to be effective. Like you need to be able to operate in and through and not, you know, abdicate one because it quote unquote feels uncomfortable because then you're not in the space that you need to be in order for you to effectively lead.

Dr. Yasmin: 13:10

You're absolutely right. Cause I thought of a situation right now when I thought, you know, I can see where authority, like, I guess what's in my mind right now is everything that's been going on in the colleges and the sit outs and USC is one of my, you know, my, my alma mater and I'm on chair there for the Latino alumni association for USC. And there's. The authorities, the police got involved, and that's authority to me, right? And it's how you handle that authority, and it's like, which way did they go? Did they use it to influence in good or bad? But in order to make a decision in situations, you do need that authority, right? You do need that authority, so authority plays a role. It's how you choose to use that authority that makes, that defines whether or not you have influence and use your power in a way that could be for the betterment of humanity.

Sabine: 13:58

Yeah, totally agree. So because you, you mentioned, uh, personal power, I, I have my thoughts on, on how we engage with our own personal power, but I'm curious, are there any strategies that you've employed, you know, within your own life to help build or maintain your personal power?

Dr. Yasmin: 14:16

Absolutely. I use them every day. If I'm going through difficult situations, situations where I don't know what to do or which direction should I go either with my business. Should I go with this that's making me more money, but it's not really fulfilling me and it's like, no, but will I be happy to me? At the end of the day, how do I make business decisions? I ask myself, will it make me happy? And people always think that's the weirdest thing, and they don't even know what to say because that's not traditionally what is considered, you know, real business. But for me, I have, I feel I have a short amount of time in this world. What makes me happy is where the space that I want to live in for the time that I'm in this world. And having impact makes me happy. So it's like, where can I have the most impact, feel the most wealth, and at the same time, um, and, and help as many people as I can, all those have to take, have, have to take, have taken consideration when I'm making a major business decision. So there's times that I, I, I can't figure it out. So I say, okay, let me take a deep breath. And remember, trust yourself. That you will make the right decision and it will come to you. You just have to let it be like, I have to stop thinking sometimes. And so I remember my power is in my peace. And I have to remind myself all the time, like my power is in my, your power is in your peace, stop thinking. Like, and so the way I stop thinking is literally by watching Netflix. And watching like reruns of Grey's Anatomy or something, because my mind is not working. It's being entertained so it can like rest from itself. But to me, like finding, finding my, my peace in, um, in the power of self navigating and talking to myself and self nurturing myself in ways that I know that I can make the best decisions is, Knowing that the world is not going to give it to me, that people are not going to give it to me, that a strategist is not going to, and it's because I'm like, maxed out on all of that already. Don't, don't get me wrong. I tried it all. And it just, I have a very difficult time for people really understanding how I make my decisions. And, and, um, so my personal power, really, my strategies are really in what works for me and being true to that and not letting anyone else sway me in any other way.

Sabine: 16:40

Oh, I love that. Oh, specifically the your, your power is in your piece. Um, that is That is powerful. Not to use the word in there, or I should say it's profound. That is profound. Um, because oftentimes we're so busy doing right. We're so busy thinking it's so, it's so much about what's happening outside that to your point, if you really want to be powerful, it's, it's really being able to connect with that personal power. And it sounds like you've done the work to understand this is where. This is for me. I'm curious though, at what point, at what point along your journey. Did you discover that? Was there a catalyst? Was there something that happened that was just like, okay, whatever I'm doing right now, it's not working. I have to find another, another way to do that.

Dr. Yasmin: 17:30

Yes. And it was in a personal relationship I was in with a beautiful man who I adored and he adored me and he was very good to me. And I felt so loved, but because he hadn't done a lot of the work. There was a lot of drama and there was a lot of like extremes, like being very loving, but then being, you know, super traumatic and jealous and things that were just disruptive to my peace and I could no longer even make a good decision because I could not be still long enough in my mind, not trying to figure things out about how to help him feel more safe and comfortable and not job. Like, I was continuously trying to help him feel safe. Um, and that's work he had to do on himself, that there was nothing I could do about it. But even when I detached from trying to make it better for him, the space, because we lived together, the space that we were in was not peaceful. And I'm all about the peaceful space, right? And I said, although I love this man, the powers in my piece, I discovered that. Um, that I have to step away from the relationship in order to have peace, even though I loved him. And even though there were so many great elements and nothing is worth that for me.

Sabine: 18:56

I love that. I love that. Um, so along the lines with this next question, I want to set it up because I was watching, one of your Instagram videos, and you were talking about having to, um, Do training, a two day training for negotiations, um, in front of an all male machismo audience. And they immediately told you how they felt about you. And so obviously you talk through, you know, what you had to do, some of the internal self regulation that you had to do within to get to the place where you were like, I deserve to be here. I'm here. I'm the expert. I'm going to walk into that. And I imagine that that was not the first time or that won't be the last time that you, uh, that you experienced that, but somehow, you know, outside of the emotional regulation, it sounds like you also tapped into the reminder of this is who I am. This is what I bring into the table. And I just thought that that was a great way to demonstrate how you maintain your power when the environment outside. Tries to diminish it or usurp it or deny that it even exists. So, you know, outside of that example, are there any other examples in which, you know, you faced resistance or opposition in some capacity when trying to exercise your personal power or achieve a particular goal?

Dr. Yasmin: 20:20

You know, it happens all the time. I mean, honestly, all the time and it and it comes to situations where, my value system and another person or or system empower value system is misaligned. They're not aligned. And I realized that what I feel is important. They do not necessarily feel is important. So I have to. Quickly try figure out what do they find important that I can connect with and I can reframe the situation so that they see the value of what I'm trying to get at the end of the day. I want to have impact, but they don't understand the way I want to have impact. So, how can I make them win and feel like they're winning? So, I have to reframe the scenario and I'm trying to think of a recent situation where I had to do that. And, um, and actually, yeah, it was, um, in jury duty, actually, where I had to reframe the situation for the rest of the jurors, where they were seeing the situation one way. And I was like, Okay, they're not understanding where I'm coming from, yet, the verdict was going to go one way. And it's like, but I have to have them. See the world through that, my perspective. So I had to tap into something that was personal. What if this was your brother? What if this was your uncle? What if this was somebody you love? Would you think the same way? And it was like, Oh no, everything changes when it's somebody I love. Right. I said, okay, well, this is somebody people love. Right. And the person that we were deciding for. And so it completely changed the perspective. What I believe really helps me be able to do that is letting go of my ego. I mean, to really be in your power and not try to go power against power. People, people's personal power against someone's personal power is let go of ego. Release the ego. Um, because at the end of the day, it's about the impact. It's not about me. Yeah, it's me. Right. So I really, and I know it's not, I know it's not easy, but I think the reason why it may be easier for me is because I work. With thousands of women from, you know, homeless women to billionaires. And we're all the same. We all have a story, and there is trauma in every human person, and we all just want to be loved, and we all want to be accepted. And so to me, it humbles me all the time to see humanity and who we really are. So I think it allows me to. I'm not thinking about ego because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.

Sabine: 23:02

Yeah, I agree. and I want to shift gears here a little to the conversation that we're having before I press play on here with regards to okay we've, we've had the conversation around. Power authority influence how you know how you've navigated that for yourself personally, um, in, in the business world, if you will, or in the professional space and in the personal space. Um, for those who are listening, I have a mixed audience of Individuals who are in corporate as well as individuals who are in entrepreneurship as well, um, or were former corporate and now they're in entrepreneurship or maybe never did corporate, um, God bless them. Um, and so, you know, one of the things that we were talking about is like this dynamic and you had mentioned a really, really key point around, you know, For those of us who do get in positions of power, like these, and then we're talking positions right for those of us who do get in positions of power where we're required or asked to lead. First of all the climb up is exhausting in and of itself. But then even when we get to the top, it still feels unsettling. And then it's hard to even think about, Hey, let me, let me look behind me and pull that ladder down or pull the next person up because you're still trying to catch your breath. You're still trying to make sure there's not a cliff around the corner or there's not something happening. And so, I'm just curious because I know you live in this world, you, you, um, you work with women specifically who are at the C suite and they're still facing this, like, I don't feel settled yet. Um, and I think we, we don't, we don't necessarily always see that. We just assume, okay, they're in, they made it. So they're good, but the truth is, no, they made it and they're still processing. And so I'm just curious if you can just share some insights around, you know, what you've seen for those who have made it to the top and who are able to thrive while there and support the next, like, what is it that they're doing uniquely different or what have they discovered about themselves that allows them to show up differently?

Dr. Yasmin: 25:11

You know, I have yet to meet a woman in a C level position in the top 100 corporations. We're talking like the big of the big, right? Because that makes a big difference compared to a smaller one. I equate not feeling settled to not feeling safe, right? There's an unsettling, there's a fear, right? There's a fear and I have yet to meet one that feels safe. That feels safe to own the power that comes with that should come with the position that men have with those positions that they make decisions in ways that they know one, one bad decision, or one decision that might not be the best decision unless it's like extreme, it's not going to end their career is not going to end their position, and the women tend to feel that one bad decision could end. Their career could be like, Oh, we gave the women that shot and look at, you know, things didn't work out. So the ones that I feel are, um, that are probably, they're still fearful. They still have some fear, but they're probably taking more risk are the ones that have told themselves. I'm going to give it all I could, and whatever happens, I'm prepared. Right, that do have some fear, but don't live in the fear, and don't live through the fear. Right, that are willing to take the consequences of whatever decision that, you know, because they feel that it's the right one. For example, there is some women in C level positions right now, where DEI is very, it's a big question in the company right now. Which way do we go? What direction? And they told me, I'm going to push for it. It's not popular right now. You know, I have leadership really asking me about it, but I'm going to push for it. I'm going to be strategic. I'm going to, but I'm still going to push for it. I'm going to do whatever and whatever happens happens because I can't imagine my career where I have to take a step back on it. It doesn't, it won't even, it's not purposeful anymore. Like it, they, they see the way the world is going and they're not going to take the hit sitting down. Right. To me, that's gutsy. That's gutsy. And I admire them for that. But there is some fear still involved because the power system is fighting back hard right now, as we were talking about before the show is fighting back hard, and we have to make a decision where we're going to stand in it. And I think these, these courageous women that are standing up are, have made a decision that they are financially okay, they're definitely more senior in their position. They're definitely probably closer to retirement. And, they have arrived. Um, the ones that are, that are taking these risks, the ones that are not there yet, that are very new, and those, they're, they're taking a step back. Yeah, because I can't blame them though. Right. I mean, this is families, careers that people don't see these individuals as, they have a lot to lose when it comes to, they're supporting multiple people, they're making decisions and. For women, there's different set of rules and it's not fair, but it's the truth.

Sabine: 28:23

Interesting. Um, so you made me think of, uh, Roz Brewer, who was the, uh, CEO of Walgreens. She, and she's obviously stepped down or is stepping down and They've said very little on like why she's stepping down. And I feel like we have so many examples of. Women who made it to the top and who wanted to bring others along, or at least use their positions of power to influence and to change the overall structure. And time after time, it never fails. They are, they, they aren't politely shown the door or they decide, all right, you know what, this, This mountain is a little bit more steep than I had anticipated. And so, you know, obviously you're in the space, you're working with women who, um, to help support them, especially, uh, diverse women or multicultural women to help support them that are trying to navigate that. That environment. Um, I also do that. I'm, I'm first generation, everything. I'm an immigrant, all these, like all these things, right. That we know we understand. Um, I was saying this to you before that, you know, I, I get it. I tell people that it's a game. It's a game that you have to, you have to either make the decision that yes, I'm going to go all the way and play the game or you decide that you, you're not. And I think, you know, it's I think we look at corporate, even though like it is a game, I get the same could be said about entrepreneurship, right? In the same way. It's a game. It requires sacrifice. It requires all of these things. The difference is you're sacrificing for yourself essentially, right? Where in the corporate space, you're sacrificing for someone else, but you know, let it be known. There are sacrifice on either side of the game. The question just becomes, you know, how much are you willing to sacrifice? Right. I think for me, I'm, I, I, I'll give my all for myself. Right. And that's why I got corporate. I was just like, if I'm, if I'm willing to go this hard for them, imagine if I did that for myself. Right. And I'm still going hard for me, but I think the difference is when it's a structure or an organization and you know, there's, there's all this other stuff you have to decide, is it worth going that hard? Is it worth going that hard? I actually just, uh, just talked to someone not too long ago. She's back in corporate. She was in entrepreneurship for a very long time. She decided to go back into corporate, but she kept, she maintained her business. And so she's focusing on women in leadership. And I was just like, why would you do that? She was just like, we need more women. In leadership, like they're leaving. Right. And while we may think that that's a good thing, if they leave, then what we need more women in that space. And so she's going from it, from the perspective of, I want you to stay. And I'm going to teach you how to stay without losing your soul. You're still going to sacrifice. It's still going to be hard. It's still going to be all these things, but I need you here to, to not sacrifice or to not. To not let, I guess the system completely crumble or to actually maybe influence how the system is being rebuilt. We were just talking about this and I've shared this before six years from now, 2030, right? Um, majority of the people who are sitting in those positions of power, they're going to be retiring. They're going to be exiting. So those are, those seats are going to be open. We need more people who are willing to say, okay, okay. You know what? I got six years to get it, to get it together within myself first. And then, you know, to work through whatever I need to do to navigate. And so as you look at the corporate landscape, and I know you're not in corporate right now, but I know you do a lot of work with corporate, where do we have the most, um, opportunity? To impact, um, both for those who are at or in supporting those who are at the, you know, top leadership levels as well as the new generation that's coming in.

Dr. Yasmin: 32:28

Well, I think the new, I mean, I'm a true believer. The new generation is going to change the world. At least that's my, they're going to make it better because after seeing us, we've had to accept, you know, the world, the way it has been. Been to a certain degree, we're trying to make changes, but it's the Internet, the power of information and all of that, that makes the new generation easier to to navigate and change the systems. I do think we absolutely need women in positions of power and corporate corporations are the most powerful source of power in our society. And so we, it's the board members at the board level who make the decisions about who the CEOs are, about whether they stay or leave. We need more women and allied men. I mean, men, they take up those spaces for the most part. We need brave men. We need men who are able to say, you know what, like, it's not just about winning. It's about what's best for society, what's best for our shareholders. I understand that. But, you know, research shows, and it actually achieved, um, the organization just came out with a report, I think two days ago, but I was just read it, that stakeholder pressure, external stakeholder pressure for corporations, which means that the people, the customers, is becoming more of a concern. Two CEOs than it ever has been. Probably about 60 percent of their decision making is coming now from external stakeholders and 40 percent from internal stakeholders, which it was never like that before, but we also know the generation nowadays councils, you know, the cancellation of, I mean, easily goes viral. So CEOs are afraid of that. And you know what? Good. I'm glad they should be with all due respect. I know their position is difficult. But I think that we talked about earlier about shifting of power. Right. It needs to go to a lot more to the external than the internal only because the internal has not worked. We have seen how these power structures do not allow women to thrive, We all know having women in board positions, board of directors and C level is more profitable for companies. We know it. We've seen the research statistics and it still does not happen. And that is because people are afraid to let go of power. And I'll say men are afraid to let go of power. Not all of them, but many of them. It's the fear, right? So then they're going to be forced to. Through the external pressure. So, women need to stay in there. This is what I help do. I help develop women to take them to those positions. But what I, my work is not only help to prepare them. Help, because many women move up and they lose who they are. Their authenticity. They become like men. Right? Because they feel that's what they have to do to survive. So what we do in our work is really helping women become true to themselves, finding their own value system, understanding, aligning their values to what works in the organization, and learning how to navigate the game of corporate life without losing their soul. Right, we talked about that as well. And I love what you said earlier about what would Bob do? I want to use that, I'm going to take that. What would Bob do ladies? Because that's what they learn, just never use that term. What the women learn in our programs is that they can, they can play the game, they can now, they don't have to become the game, right? They can play the game, they don't have to become the game, because it comes down to the game, so they can step in and step out. They can step into it, navigate, and they can step out, but they have to have a community to go to when they step out. That support system, right? The community of other women that are like minded and are doing the same thing. So that's what we provide, a community of like minded women who are navigating the corporate game, and stepping in and stepping out, and sharing the stories, and support, because we need a lot of support from one another.

Sabine: 36:13

Yes. To

Dr. Yasmin: 36:14

be able to, to not burn out, and not think we're going crazy at times.

Sabine: 36:18

Yes, I totally agree. I totally agree. I love that play the game but not have to be the game. Um, something I just want to double back and then I want to transition because you have a book that really like the four pillars I want to get into that and then move into our blitz session. So something that you mentioned with regards to, um, you know, the, the. The power, if you will, or the exercising of power is really happening at the board level. And so if I, you know, if I've been paying attention, I understand that these CEOs retire and then they become board members, right? And so now as we're thinking about it from the perspective of yes, In the organizations, these seats are going to be emptied and there's going to be room for women to step in there. Well, guess what? They're like that. There's still that other level of power over them. So I'm, I'm seeing a lot more probably in the last, I don't know, maybe five years, more organizations tailored around supporting women to, uh, build the skill sets that they need to step into that board role. I think. Uh, now that I'm thinking about it, I think there's, there's probably more of a, uh, an importance, if you will, that should be put on women moving into board seats, um, than necessarily being in the C suite. Um, cause we, we know, right, the C suite, yes, they have authority, they have power in the day to day, but if the board says no, then it's no. If the board says we're going in this direction, that's what they're doing. If the board says no, Thank you for your service. Then they're out. And so I think it's a balance, you know, we can't just limit it to organizations. It's organizations and boards. And I think this applies for the entrepreneurs to entrepreneurs too. There's nothing stopping you from gaining the skills that you need, especially if you're running a business or if you've run a successful business, gain the skills. How can I sit on boards? How can I learn that language? How can I step into that position of power, authority, and influence? To help, you know, an organization that I care about or an organization that is, you know, near and dear to my heart or relevant to the field that I'm in.

Dr. Yasmin: 38:30

Absolutely. I think that's where the true power is, you know, the boards hire and fire CEOs. And so at the end of the day, it's been the board, the board positions. And the people on the boards that are making the decisions, unfortunately, there's very few people of color and very few women. I mean, it just, the numbers, you know, go up, go down. We gain a few, we go backwards, five steps, you know? And so, but at the end of the day, those board positions are where the true power is held on the next CEO. And if the board does not approve it, then it's not going to happen. So we can have so many people in succession planning since we want. But at the end of the day, we do need people in positions that can think differently than we've thought about what power looks like in the last hundred years or what power looks like and how it's supposed to act. We're so focused on the masculine energy and masculine energy is great, but we do need humanity. And that means the more compassionate, the more humane, empathetic. leader as well, because sometimes natural energy is just about winning, you know, and the truth is winning at what cost. So I think that that is where it needs to be balanced, winning at what cost. And I think that's not when you take it into consideration many times.

Sabine: 39:50

Yeah. Yeah. I think it's important that we, we start to expand. What our definition is on where we can lead and how we can lead. I believe leadership is innate so you can lead wherever you are, but if we're really truly going to step in and equalize this distribution of power. Then we need to be at in the places and that can, the same could be said for government, for, you know, education and all those other pieces, but it's just like, if we're not happy with what we're seeing. Let's not just go for the, like that next rung in the ladder, let's figure out, okay, how do I get to whatever that level is and start to build and y'all gonna get tired of hearing me saying, start to build the relationships and the networks that would allow you and support you to, to have those open spaces. I want to be respectful of your time. So I do want to talk about your book. as I was listening to you talk about it, um, it was very aligned with obviously the emotional intelligence pillars, but you've put your own spin on it to help support. So please tell us a little bit more about the book, um, and where, uh, the audience can find it.

Dr. Yasmin: 40:57

Absolutely. So the book is titled Graciously Assertive How Becoming a Better Human Makes You a Better Leader. I'm super excited about it. Um, it really is about, it's really the trajectory of my 20 some years of work and what I have discovered and helping leaders become the best versions of themselves. Well, first of all, when I was empowering and developing women, they became so empowered that they went back and told the process exactly how they felt. And it was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, ladies with power comes responsibility and not power feeling empowered is what is the outcome you want to reach? And how do I reverse engineer to make sure that I'm communicating in a way that I am making the other person not making them wrong, but making them feel understood and being empathetic to their decisions as well, whether it's your boss or whoever it may be. Well, I'm self advocating. So it truly is about how to self advocate while holding space for the other side. How to be gracious and bold at the same time and that and that's why it's called grace assertive gracious be assertive because that has been the communication model that I've used and taught the women that I've met and taught for over 20 years, thousands of women that I have seen have become the most effective over over the career and have also helped them become better human beings because the type of work that we do, the type of work that I do with women, Is that I believe in starts with meeting yourself and that means self awareness, which is the first pillar, you know, social awareness. How do you impact other people, your energy? That's the second pillar. Third pillar is empathy. Self regulation, which is the video you talked about the negotiation. How do I manage my own emotion to act for me to get the impact that I want to have the outcome, then self compassion, which is another pillar. And then it goes into gracious communication. How do, how do I communicate in a way so that the other person feels I care about them. There's these different pillars. That as you're practicing them to become a better leader, you automatically become a better human being because you're becoming more self aware of yourself, how you're impacting people. And how do you manage that? Then now you know how to manage yourself to be a better mother. You manage yourself to be a better wife. On self compassion, learn how to love yourself more. You're teaching your children how to love themselves more. You're employing how to take care of themselves more. So. You automatically, I've learned where all these women who have become these phenomenal, graciously assertive leaders. They're, they're an incredible human beings and I'm sitting there watching and watching and saying it wasn't even created because I wanted to create better human beings. I mean, I've always wanted to help humanity, but as a result of trying to be a better leader. You become a better human being as a result of becoming a better human being, you become a better leader. It really goes hand in hand. And my philosophy is, you don't love people. You shouldn't be leading people, period. Get out of management right now. Get out of leadership because these people depend on you. These people are influenced by you. And there's so much toxic workplace culture that, that, you know, scars women. There's, it takes about seven years to heal from a toxic boss. Seven years. I've done the studies. Okay. So You need to remove yourself from those scenarios, or you better get yourself into a way to start loving people because you have so much influence on people. So, I love to see that these women are becoming better leaders, but better human beings, because to me, The greatest gift I can give to humanity is knowing that I help people become the best version of themselves better human beings to contribute more to the world. And God knows we need it.

Sabine: 44:41

Yes, agreed, um, so we're gonna move into the, the blitz session here and so I have three questions for you. We're going to try to answer these in two minutes. So it's a rapid fire. First and foremost. Knowing what you know now, if you could go back to a younger version of yourself and give her a key piece of advice, what might that be?

Dr. Yasmin: 45:03

I would say, I know you don't understand what I'm going to say, but every pain, every failure, everything horrible that you may go to go through, find the gift in it, find the gift in whatever you go through, because there is a gift you just happen to spread.

Sabine: 45:20

Love that. Next, um, as you look ahead, And think of all the impact that you're making now, all the impact that you're going to make years from now, when you're looking back at your life, what do you want the narrative to be?

Dr. Yasmin: 45:34

I want the narrative to be, Yasmeen helped women, people, but women is my focus, become the best version of themselves, become the best human beings that they can possibly be. And overall helped humanity.

Sabine: 45:53

Love that. And then I'm a big believer that leaders are readers. And so I'm curious, is there a book outside of your amazing books, of course, um, that has been pivotal for you in your own development, either personal or professional?

Dr. Yasmin: 46:10

You know, I would say All of Wayne Dyer's books. Wayne Dyer is a spiritual philosopher. He passed now that all his books are spiritual books. I'm a very spiritual person, not religious, just spiritual. So any book by Wayne Dyer, the author, I would say has been very moving for me and it helps me stay in my peace.

Sabine: 46:30

Yes, yes, I just discovered Dr. Wayne Dyer, and I don't know, I have like six of his books in my Audible queue. Um, so yes, I completely understand that it really shifts. He really helps shift perspective and it is it puts that focus back on humanity and away from from self and individuality. So I love that. Um, so with that, as far as for those who are listening, if they want to get in touch with you, they want to learn more about your programs. Where do you hang out? Where can people get in touch with you?

Dr. Yasmin: 47:05

They can get in touch with me through social media. I hang down on LinkedIn much more than Instagram. I would say they can go to our website and email me there through there.

Sabine: 47:14

Okay. Awesome. We will include all of those links, including a couple of, uh, Wayne books that are Dr. Wayne Dyer's books that I have, um, in the show notes. Dr. Yasmeen, thank you so much for coming on, sharing your wisdom, um, sharing the insight and also Giving us a glimpse of, you know, how we move forward and what we can do that's within our own, uh, sphere of control or sphere of power and authority here. Um, so that we can not only just make it better for us and the generations that are here, but the generations to come. So with that, thank you for being on here. For those of you who have tuned in this week, thank you for tuning in. We will be back next week with another female powerhouse. Have a great rest of the week. Take care.

Dr. Yasmin: 47:56

Thank you.

Sabine: 47:57

Thank you.

48:01

Hope you enjoyed this week's episode. If you found today's conversation helpful or got a piece of insight that you plan to implement in your life, I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on LinkedIn at Sabine Gideon and send me a message, or feel free to leave a review on either Apple or Spotify. I also invite you to share this episode with anyone in your network, another powerhouse, possibly. Who you think might benefit from today's conversation. Lastly, as always, any links, any resources, or any upcoming training is included in the show notes. So be sure to check that before you leave today. Until we chat again, have a blessed and powerful week.