In this episode, Jordan Robins shares his story of growing up as a young man dealing with seizures and depression, and how God helped to strengthen him in his darkest moments.
Jordan also reflects on various experiences throughout his life where he has been able to love, serve, and bless others through the priesthood.
*** Please SHARE Jordan's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/iQ6anqbqIPI
-----
Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
In this episode, Jordan Robins shares his story of growing up as a young man dealing with seizures and depression, and how God helped to strengthen him in his darkest moments.
Jordan also reflects on various experiences throughout his life where he has been able to love, serve, and bless others through the priesthood.
*** Please SHARE Jordan's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/iQ6anqbqIPI
-----
Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brantley.
Alisha Coakley:And I'm Alicia Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode we're going to hear how a struggle with depression and the power of a priesthood blessing helped one man to realize just how much God sees and loves each and every one of us. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today. We're really excited to introduce our guest, jordan Robbins. Jordan, how are you today? I'm doing well. How about you?
Jordan Robins:Scott Great.
Alisha Coakley:Well, what about me? I'm not chopped liver over here.
Jordan Robins:Jeez.
Alisha Coakley:It's only been what? 20? Has it been 24 years, 24 years?
Scott Brandley:How long have you known each other?
Alisha Coakley:Oh, Scott, do you not know this? I don't think I told you this.
Scott Brandley:No.
Alisha Coakley:Jordan was a missionary back in Florida when I was in high school when I was my senior year of high school.
Jordan Robins:So that's how we knew each other, yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Yep, he came to good old Fort Myers Florida. That's really long ago, though I'm pretty sure I was in high school like 10 years ago. I don't think it's been like 25 years since then. I don't know, maybe you got old and I didn't. We'll go with that.
Jordan Robins:Time has flown, that's for sure.
Alisha Coakley:It definitely, definitely has. So for those of you who don't know you from your mission, or don't really know who you are right now, why don't you tell our guests a little bit about yourself, jordan?
Jordan Robins:Okay, well, I am a mental health and a family therapist here in Burley, idaho, work at a nonprofit organization. I've been there for we're going on 12 years now, and also a dad a husband, my wife and I, we have five kids, including one on the way coming up in just a few weeks.
Scott Brandley:That everybody's excited.
Jordan Robins:And as far as a little bit about me, really, you asked about hobbies, interests and stuff like that. To be honest, I love the dad life. I coached all my kids in various sports over the years. I just love just being there for them and you know, I just think of this world today. That's something that really kids need to know is that they have parents that care about them, that are present, that are encouraging of them, and I just and so that's probably my interest, my hobby, a lot of my time is spent with my kids and then also, I guess, apparently I love weeds because my wife and I we got a full acre, and so I spend a lot of my time either mowing or taking care of weeds.
Alisha Coakley:So that's what I love to do. You know, I have a solution for that. If you just buy AstroTurf, that's like here in texas, everybody's just going, astroturf right, and then you don't have to do hardly anything at all. I mean, you got to spray round up a little bit sometimes, you know, in the corners, but for the most part you're good to go yeah, we're trying to debate up we want.
Jordan Robins:My wife wants alpacas, right, so she can have that wool, yeah. Or if we want to have bees and maybe just do a whole pasture full of wildflowers.
Alisha Coakley:We're trying to figure, there you go. You could do half and half. I don't know. Do they work well together? Do alpacas and bees work well together? Maybe they don't. Maybe they don't like each other.
Scott Brandley:Well, good putting astroturf on a whole acre of ground is not cheap.
Alisha Coakley:It might be a little expensive, possibly, it's a good possibility.
Scott Brandley:Yeah.
Alisha Coakley:And with five kids I'm sure finances could probably go somewhere else. It's a little more usable than AstroTurf, right?
Jordan Robins:Well, probably they're all involved in sports like travel sports.
Alisha Coakley:Well then, that's where all your money's going for sure.
Jordan Robins:Yeah, my wife, she's been a good sport about it. Uh, I probably owe her a cruise or two to make up for all the time we've spent traveling and yeah getting hotels and eating out and whatever else but her waiting out practices being out in the sun.
Scott Brandley:There you go.
Alisha Coakley:Very cool, all right. Well, mr Robbins, we're going to go ahead and turn the time over to you and let you tell us a little bit, a little bit about your story. Let us know how. How does it? How does it begin? Where does it begin? What happened?
Jordan Robins:Well, I think, just to start off, I just think about a Sunday school lesson we had just last month, about five or six weeks ago. I remember the Sunday school teacher just wrote on the board that a blessing is anything that brings us closer to God, and that's just kind of something that's kind of stuck with me.
Jordan Robins:I don't know if that was his own quote or he got that from someone else, but a blessing is anything that brings us closer to God. And, as I've been thinking about that, that includes our trials and our challenges as well. And of course, being a therapist myself, I just think about Alfred Adler. He he often would talk about how we're not determined by the experiences we have but by the meaning that we give them. So just kind of, as I share my story, maybe just some things, some thoughts to kind of keep in mind. Anyway, where to begin?
Jordan Robins:I guess I just think about my parents, how Nephi started off in the Book of Mormon, describing his parents as just goodly people, and I think I could describe my parents the exact same way.
Jordan Robins:I mean they were just good, they were good disciples of our Savior. I'm not going to say they didn't have flaws or imperfections, but they were seriously just good people. My dad I just remember him always being just a faithful home teacher. I mean he was a hundred percenter, but it wasn't about the numbers. I mean he really truly cared for the people that he was assigned to and he'd get dressed up and slap on his aftershave and you know, you knew he was going out to serve the people that he's been assigned to. You know he'd come in off the farm all dirty and, like I said, get himself all dressed up and we're like, oh, he's going home teaching tonight and my mom just a very, probably the most thoughtful person I know, I mean she remembers people's birthdays. She thoughtful person I know, I mean she remembers people's birthdays. She'll send them cards, she'll go to their grandkids' graduations.
Jordan Robins:I mean she's just always thinking about other people, just, like I said, truly just good people. And so I think just having been raised with that, you know, with a gospel perspective, and then just having the parents that just modeled that behavior, I think was just really a good foundation for me and of course I had siblings.
Jordan Robins:We grew up south of early Idaho. It was really kind of an ideal situation. When I say we lived in the middle of a potato field, I'm not kidding. We lived about a quarter acre lane down the road to the well. We got to hike back and forth on to catch the bus to go to school. But where we were we really didn't have neighbors within. You know, three quarters a mile, a mile or so. We're probably our closest neighbors and uh, so my siblings, which there were seven of us I was the third of seven, they were my playmates, right and uh, my aunts and uncles always called us kind of the wild bunch because we probably were a little bit rambunctious and but we had a good time. We had, I mean, we could scrap with the best of them, but we could also just enjoy being outside, you know, playing catch, playing football, wrestling. I grew up in the 80s and 90s and so we rode sleeping bags down the stairs, we watched Saturday morning and cartoons, watched TGIF on Fridays. There's a lot of good memories with that family and, like I said, so I just think I felt like I had a good foundation there, just where you did feel that you were loved and you had kind of a perspective that there's something bigger and greater than just being thrown onto this earth.
Jordan Robins:Anyway, around third grade I remember I was going to class and I was typically a really good student, had straight A's. And I remember my third grade teacher. She had us do timed math tests and even though I knew how to do the math problems, I was thinking more about making sure that my numbers were written perfectly, really really nice and concise. And I think after a couple of those tests where I'd only get half of them done in the minute that we had to do them only, she came up to me and she said Jordan, she said I guarantee you have the prettiest penmanship in the entire county, but I just need you to finish this math test. Prettiest penmanship in the entire county, but I just need you to finish this math test.
Jordan Robins:I think a lot of that perfectionism kind of stuck with me for quite a while, which was both kind of a blessing and a curse, and as I progressed kind of through elementary school, you know, there was just kind of this feeling that I wasn't good enough and I don't know that I really ever voiced it and I don't know that, you know, as a 9, 10, 11 year, this feeling that I wasn't good enough, and I don't know that I really ever voiced it and I don't know that as a 9, 10, 11-year-old kid that I really even acknowledged it. It was just kind of that unconscious thought that I'm just not good enough and you're trying to strive through your own means to make things right, to make things perfect. And I think in my early years, just things I was involved in, I loved sports, I was active in, you know, cub scouts and boy scouts and enjoyed that. And uh, I think as a kid, I mean when I play sports I'd go 110. There was, uh, it's either fifth gear or nothing at all, so I was all in.
Jordan Robins:I remember playing baseball. You know I get hit a double and know I'd watch other teams kind of see how they're playing me or how their arms were or if they could hit their cut. And I mean if I could turn a double into a triple or a triple into the in-the-park home run, I was going for it. So I'd blow through the coach's signs telling me to stop. I'm like no coach, I got it. I know I can beat this throne and so I just had that go, go go kind of attitude.
Jordan Robins:And as I got into well, as I got into like became a deacon, I remember really taking that responsibility serious. You know, as a little 12 year old we'd gather the, you know we'd pass the sacrament and then we'd go gather fast offerings for the different people in our ward. And I remember I probably had I don't know, maybe four or five families assigned to me for fast offerings to pick up. And I remember going to a couple of guys on my route which I remember both of them actually smoked. The one guy even had beer cans outside of his house and as a 12-year-old those were the only guys I knew people smoked but those were the only ones I knew kind of personally. That actually did Never saw them at church, but I was assigned to go to their house and I remember the first couple times I went there was kind of this reluctance or this, I guess, hesitancy to go in because I didn't want to smell like smoke.
Jordan Robins:And then I go to church and I'm like, well, now I smell like cigarette smoke and the first couple of times I kind of dreaded going. But then I noticed something as I kept going back once a month that I noticed these men. You know they might have a cigarette in one hand as they're filling out their fast offering. You know they might have a cigarette in one hand as they're filling out their fast offering. You know the other with a pen, and they come to me that they're doing the best they can and you know, we heard recently that President Nelson talks about how the Lord loves effort.
Jordan Robins:I mean, as a 12 year old deacon, that really kind of hit for me is that the Lord loved these men. They were doing the best they could and he was accepting this offering that these men, even though they had things that they were struggling with, that, like I said, they were loved. And that just kind of set the tone for me just in how I started to view other people, is that I really feel like I could kind of see what people brought to the table and what their potential was, even though I just like said this is kind of this little kid. And uh, as I aged, I got. I turned about 13.
Jordan Robins:I actually, I guess, with the onset of puberty and all the hormones and craziness that goes along with that and all the hormones and craziness that goes along with that, I actually started having some seizures and my mom took me in to a doctor a specialist, I'm guessing, probably a neurologist and they put me on some medication which was a barbiturate, a very powerful medication which stopped the seizures, but in the meantime it also caused me it also triggered this severe depression and it was really uh, I mean it was really a tough time and it came on really quick once I started taking that medication.
Jordan Robins:I mean just had a lot of really dark, dark thoughts and uh, it was. It wasn't anything that I really spoke with my parents about and I don't really know why, looking back on it, that, why I didn't go to them. I mean I know they had other kids and they were busy, but for some reason I didn't really vocalize that. I don't like how this feels. Do you remember did they?
Alisha Coakley:say, like when they gave you the medicine, did they say that it could cause, you know, depression and things like that? Like, were you aware of the side effects or did you just really? You guys just didn't have any idea that that was even a thing.
Jordan Robins:I mean, if the doctor did, I probably would have shared it with my mom, who was the one that was taking me to those appointments. I don't remember him talking about the side effects or anything Gotcha. So I mean it's possible that he did Anyway to deal with. About every few months, about every six months or so, I would just stop taking them and within a couple days I would end up having seizures again and then I'd get to go back to the doctor and then start all over again and that went on for about two years. So from about my eighth grade through, yeah, eighth grade, through the probably end of my freshman year, I was taking that medication and I could just feel just that life in me that I was talking about, just kind of have that zest for life, and that just you know, fifth gear type of mentality just depleted and life went from color to just kind of just black and gray, and it was. I just remember it being a really difficult time and I remember friends at school they'd invite me over to do things, to hang out, and you know, know when you, when you're not really feeling all that good about yourself and you don't have really a lot of energy and motivation. Uh, the answer was typically no, you know, maybe some other time. Of course, after you tell somebody no two or three times, then they just stop inviting me, which is what happened. So I started just kind of losing friendships, um, which then just made it kind of a bad situation even worse. And, and, of course, my grades just they just plummeted, they just they just tanked.
Jordan Robins:It wasn't that I didn't have knowledge, it's just the thoughts that I would have. There was, like I said, dark thoughts. I mean, it's more. It wasn't like hearing voices or anything, that was just these loud thoughts just about myself, very, yeah, just like I said, very just dark, negative thoughts. And it got to the point. I remember there was times when I just kind of shake my head, you know, just trying to get these thoughts out of my head, almost like you know, if I could just knock them out, maybe something's loose, I can knock it back in place. And anyway, like I said, it was lonely and it was a dark place. And it went on for and it became increasingly worse and I remember the end of my freshman year.
Jordan Robins:For a while I'd actually been contemplating ending my life and, uh, actually I got to the point where I actually had a plan and set a time a day in a time that I was going to do it. And when that that night came, um, I just went to, you know, went to the place where I was planning to do it at and, uh, was sitting there and as I began thinking about, well you know, I started having thoughts about my family and especially my siblings. You know, if I were to do this, it would be my siblings that would find me first. I just thought there's no way that I can do that to them. As much as my life just felt so bleak and negative. I just thought I cannot do that to them.
Jordan Robins:And even though I had prayed and had been going to seminary for that last year and reading scriptures and doing everything by all means and accounts of my fulfilling the gospel, living the gospel, I just didn't feel the spirit, the gospel, um, I just didn't feel the spirit. I probably hadn't really felt the spirit, probably since I was about 12 or or so before the seizure started coming on and I got on that medication. Even though I was doing these things and I knew that it was right, I just didn't. I just couldn't feel and I don't know if it's the medications. I know it caused a central nervous system, that depression and I don't know if it maybe kind of depressed a lot of that emotions you get spiritually. But I just could not feel and anyway, as I was thinking about my siblings and my family, I thought I just can't do that to them. I turned to the Lord.
Jordan Robins:I turned to the Lord and said a prayer like I've never prayed before. Like I said, I would always pray. But it got to the point where I just remember basically saying, lord, is there no other way? Because I don't know that I want to die, but I cannot live like this anymore, and I don't know. It seemed like it felt like maybe an hour and a half, two hours that I was just talking with the Lord and I again didn't feel anything, at least right away and after I just kind of bore my soul. I remember I was just kind of pondering what my options were and then I noticed I just started to notice two signs of life. I noticed my breath just going in and out and that I could actually feel my heart beating. I remember I was just noticing, I was just noticing those signs of life for a while and all of a sudden this, this peace and this stillness just came over me. I mean, it was beyond peaceful and beyond stillness.
Jordan Robins:I'd never felt it before and I noticed that all those thoughts that I had were just gone and then, as I was just taking this in, I realized that I was not alone and I felt the presence of someone there with me and I didn't hear, you know, vocally or auditorily, I didn't hear anything, but I felt the spirit of God inside of me and at that point I knew that I wasn't alone and that I was loved, that I was being seen and I was being heard, and that is I mean, like I said, that's the first time I really felt anything spiritually for a couple of years probably, and because of that it gave me just some hope that I can go forward. And even though the depression still was there for a while, uh, the thoughts, the thoughts of not wanting to live anymore, were just gone. I've never I have not struggled with that since that day, but that depression still lingered and I was still taking the meds for a while, uh. But but after that experience I remember, something stood out to me was I was playing American Legion baseball. This is, I'm guessing, probably within just a week or two of that experience. But I happened to be playing with my two older brothers. My older brother, he had just graduated high school and my other one was, I think he was going into his junior year and I was like a freshman going into my sophomore year but we ended up being on the same baseball team together and it was, I just remember this brother. He ended up pitching we had a global header and he pitched the first game and shut out that team. And I ended up pitching the second game and I shut out the you know that team. And I remember the newspaper article the next day just said Robin's brother shuts out you know whatever team it was and one of us threw a one hitter and one of us threw a two hitter. And it was just one of those things that I, just one of those memories I treasure, was playing baseball with my older brothers and so I just, like I said, just from that point, just kind of gave me this hope that you know there is more, that there is life is life, there is hope going forward. And I think was later that summer, I ended up actually stopping.
Jordan Robins:I stopped taking the medications again and this is about the third, maybe third or fourth time I think. The doctor is like what are you doing? I putting on this, this is a stop, the seizures, you realize, yeah, we struggling with this, the rest of your life. You need to take this Understandably. He was upset Basically why are you doing this? That's the first time when I said that I don't like how I feel when I take them. I told him exactly what I felt. Of course, he looked at me like well, and he said why didn't you tell me this before? And from here I'm like well, you're, you're the doctor why did you ask?
Jordan Robins:yeah, I go in for those checkups. They check my liver, you know liver make sure it was functioning like it was supposed to and I wasn't having seizures. So check, check and you're good and off to the next patient. And so he ended up and the thing is I give him grace. The thing is I remember him actually being a kind man. He was just. I think he was just like what are you doing, you know, trying to figure out what was going on yeah.
Jordan Robins:And then, like I said, he switched medications and over the next probably year, year and a half, I could feel that depression just slowly alleviate. I actually felt like I really started coming into my own about midway through my junior year or senior year, just coming into my own. The problem with that is when you act a certain way, of course. I grew up in a smaller town where I graduated with about 220 kids and we knew most of my first name basis and kind of get typecasted right as this is how they are, and so I just kept getting kind of treated that way. I don't know that anybody thought I was like a horrible bad person. Maybe I thought I was a little timid or I don't know. I was quiet, generally kind of kept to myself, but it was just kind of hard to become somebody different. But once I got off to college, my freshman year and my mission I just loved that time. I really felt like I could actually just kind of flourish. Of course that's where Alicia and I met was when I was serving my mission.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, you would have never in a million years thought that you were shy, not at all. So I I remember lots of really fun times with you and, uh, just like the things that I like. I don't remember what was that, and maybe it wasn't you, maybe it was another set of missionaries, but there was like Katunga Was that the name of a game? Do you guys remember that? Do you remember anything like that?
Alisha Coakley:Yes, it was like sitting on a plate of water there was this whole tribal thing and you would play the guitar and you and Gillings, right?
Jordan Robins:Yep, elder Gillings yeah.
Alisha Coakley:You guys would always oh man, you guys were so funny, you guys were hilarious together, actually. So, yeah, I never in a million years would have guessed that you were treated as an outcast or that you were shy or timid or depressed or any of those things. This is super new information. You know what I mean. It's like how does that match up? So that's interesting. Well, I think it goes along the lines of that we really don't know what other mean, Like it's different. It's like how does that match up? So that's interesting.
Jordan Robins:Well, I think it goes along the lines of that we really don't know what other people, what they're going through. Right, yeah, I think for the most part, I think I could put on kind of a face, I think, but inside, you know, when I was depressed I was just carrying me out. That's just one of those conditions. It that's just one of those conditions that's, in a lot of ways, unseen. Sometimes people don't even recognize it.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Jordan Robins:But yeah, I mean, like I said, once I got to my mission, it just I love that time. My wife often she says I think you'd you know if you could, you'd just serve a mission your whole life, and she's you know. There's probably a lot of truth to that. Right now I'm serving as a ward mission leader. I love it. I get to hang out with the missionaries, so it's kind of like reliving that mission time all over again.
Alisha Coakley:Very cool.
Jordan Robins:Anyway, go ahead.
Alisha Coakley:I was going to say so just real quick. Do you feel like the change when you got on the new medication was really slow and gradual, or was it a little more like were you able to recognize it, kind of like how you did when you first got on the first, the first medicine?
Jordan Robins:No, when I got on the new medication it was more gradual, like I said, it probably took about a year and a half or so where I still felt depressed, but I could. I could kind of feel myself slowly coming out of it.
Alisha Coakley:Okay Gotcha. Wow, that's interesting, so okay. So take us. You know you're, you're on the mission, you're feeling better. You're still on medication. Is this correct?
Jordan Robins:Yeah, I was on medication throughout my mission. Okay, last seizure I had I was 18, almost 19. So just getting ready to go on my getting ready to leave for my mission, I getting ready to go on my getting ready to leave for my mission, I was actually I was at college and it was midterms and I ended up forgetting, I think, just caught up with the stress of studying and essays and whatever else we had to do that I just forgot to take my meds for a few days. And then bam, and then my roommate, lucky him he got to call the ambulance and not knowing what to do with the seizure, right. So then I got to take this nice ambulance trip to the hospital and I have no memory of it, I still had to pay.
Jordan Robins:you know, probably my parents paid, you know, seven 800 bucks for a trip that I don't even remember. I don't think that's it.
Alisha Coakley:They could have sent you pictures or something you know, Wow, okay, so so you go on your mission, and then what happens there from there?
Jordan Robins:Well, and then just another experience when I was on my mission I was actually with Mark Jepson and we were in Tampa for South that was the name of the area at the time and anyway, I remember we were just doing our nightly call-ins one time and the sister, the Spanish sisters, sister Bejosa and Sanchez they call up and they say Elder Robbins. So there's a less active family in the branch. They haven't been to church for a long time but their son's actually in the hospital right now and he's needing a blessing. And can you and Elder Jepson, can you come over and administer to him? And it was kind of late.
Jordan Robins:I said, well, is there anybody in the ward? And they're like, well, they haven't really been in a long time, they don't really know anybody, they don't feel comfortable with anybody. But they said they'd be okay with missionaries coming over. So I said, yeah, we'll be, we'll be there when we can. And I remember I recalled up, uh, brother Andy Smith from the ward and just ask if he could give us a ride over. And you know, help us with that blessing. And he came over, picked us up, and I remember, on the car ride over to the hospital, uh, I just had this impression.
Jordan Robins:I just had this, I guess, knowledge that I was going to be asked to give the blessing, and I don't really know that at the time that I knew the extent of whatever was going on. But in my mind, I mean, I knew that it was the sisters were clearly concerned and were taking it seriously and I knew that this was going to be kind of a big deal.
Jordan Robins:And I knew that this was going to be kind of a big deal. I remember in the car ride over, thinking I just kind of give myself a pep talk like, hey, you can do this, right, we're we've just been studying the scriptures. You know Jesus performing these miracles. We have the disciples performing some of these miracles. You hold that same priesthood, you can, you can do this too.
Jordan Robins:And we get to the, we get to the hospital room and the young man he was, I don't know, early 20s, it turned out that he had alcohol poisoning and his parents were there and we talked to them for a bit, with the sisters translating for us, and I still had this thought, like you know, I, when I was at college. I remember there's a young man there that he had alcohol poisoning as well and he went to the hospital and actually was able to get through and he recovered. So I had no reason to believe that this couldn't, we couldn't have a similar effect.
Jordan Robins:You know, outcome Right and so in my mind I'm still like, okay, okay, we're going to do this blessing, we're going to make him whole. Tomorrow he'll come back, he'll be good, his eyes will open and remember we were getting ready to give the blessing and when it was my turn to to administer to him, I remember I put my hands on his head, calling him by name, and as soon, you know and I used, you know, using the authority that Melchizedek Priest did, and I said in the name of Jesus Christ, and right at that moment in my mind's eye I just saw the image of our Savior, you know, with his hands open. No-transcript, and that wasn't something I was there for, you know, in the MTC. I don't remember them teaching us how to call people into the next life. I don't remember that in the missionary handbook, maybe it was, but I slept through that lesson or something. So it was kind of a little intimidating at first. But at the same time the whole room I mean immediately just filled with this just amazing presence and the love was just so powerful. And I remember I began to go forth with the blessing and the words were not, they were not mine. I can't remember. I mean, even afterwards, I don't remember exactly what was said, other than I knew that this young man was going home to the Savior.
Jordan Robins:And I remember partway through the blessing, as the sisters were to be translating for the parents, all of a sudden they stopped and I was just bawling through the whole thing and I thought, you know, they probably can't even understand what I'm saying. We finished the blessing and we talked with the parents just a little bit and then we and then we left and the sisters came out with us, if I remember it, came out into the hallway and, as we're in the hallway, I apologize. I said I'm sorry, you know that I I was blubbering all over the place, you probably couldn't hear. And I remember sister vajosa said elder robbins. I said his parents told us to stop because they could understand every word that was being spoken, as though you were speaking spanish. Wow and uh. They wanted, they said they wanted it to stop because they just wanted to hear it straight from you, which is really straight from the Lord, and it just, they said, it just spoke, spoke to them and comforted them at that time.
Jordan Robins:I think it was just within a day or so that the young man ended up passing away, but that was just within a day or so that the young man ended up passing away. But that was just for me, just kind of testified the love that the Savior has for everyone, that, even though this young man had made some choices that weren't the best and obviously there were some consequences to them, that the Savior still loved him. And there's just those, and there's. I mean, I've had similar experiences at other times. Something that always comes to mind is when I was in the right place, being where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to do. When I've had those type of experiences, I'm just so very grateful for the understanding that I have of the gospel and I'm just so very grateful for the understanding that I have of the gospel and I know that the Lord, he has descended below all things and he's experienced all that we've gone through and that we're going through and that we're trying, you know, being tried with and challenged and you know.
Jordan Robins:But it's through him that we can be perfected, that we don't have to do it all on our own and that we're not expected to do it all on our own, and that we're not expected to do it all on our own, but we're to turn to our Savior.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, wow, I am.
Scott Brandley:Oh my gosh, those are the hard ones. I don't know. As a priesthood holder, you're always on the back of my mind. I'm always scared, I guess, of getting some type of a call like that. I mean, when I was a bishop I had to do some pretty intense, you know, like handle some pretty intense circumstances and give blessings in in difficult situations, and that was always really hard. I mean, you really have to lean into your faith and then and into your you know, your testimony of of the gospel and the savior and just put it in his hands, because if you start thinking, overthinking it, you almost crumble under the weight of certain blessings that you give.
Jordan Robins:Oh, yeah, I remember, as soon as that image popped up in my head, I remember it was kind of like hey, little brother, I appreciate your faith and your willingness to come here. I'll take it from here. I mean, that was almost like the feeling that I got and I realized at that point that I mean, the priesthood has been restored to this earth. It's through the laying on of hands. It's not through some degree, it's not through some theological organization, but it's through the laying on of hands. And I know that it's been restored to this earth and that the priesthood thing is, it had nothing to do with me, but this was the Lord's priesthood, right, and so that, just like I said that, I confirmed for me some of these things that I believed in. But then you have these experiences and you're like no, I know, I know for sure.
Scott Brandley:Right yeah, living, living right, living as good as you can and just being there when the situation arises to be that vessel Right For God's purposes. That's really cool.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, you know, Scott gave a, um a talk back when, um, when he was Bishop in Ogden and it was all about showing up. Do you remember this, Scott? Do you remember?
Scott Brandley:your talk.
Alisha Coakley:It was like one of the best talks I've ever heard, honestly, Like you should put it out here. I'm sure you probably have it saved.
Scott Brandley:I wrote about it in my book.
Alisha Coakley:It was so good, it's so good. And I just remember, like when you were giving that talk it's so good. And I just remember, when you were giving that talk, that feeling of even when things are so dark and so hard, it's so important for us to keep showing up, because we never know when we're finally going to get through that and where we're going to be on the other end and then who we're going to be able to help on the other end. And it just made me think about you, jordan, and your situation, of how you had this really, really dark stage of your life. And you mentioned how you still were reading the scriptures and saying your prayers and you were going to seminary and you did the things.
Alisha Coakley:All of us at one point feel that like monotonous, like okay. Another, you know, checking off the list, like we're going to church check, going to the temple check, doing our callings, check. And sometimes we just get so into the monotony of our routines that we really do feel this dullness inside. I know it's something that I kind of. I tend to go in waves, right, I'll be really really good. And then I just hit this plummet where I'm just like that's all I'm doing is just the routine, and to think about not only what you would have missed out on right, and not only the people that you were able to teach the gospel to. And I know, like for my family you know my family was that smoking family right? Like I had that same feeling. I remember I used to literally like take my clothes out of the dryer and I'd put them in a trash bag that was like a scented lavender trash bag and I throw it in the back trunk of my car just so that when I got to church I could change my clothes, thinking that maybe that would help to get the cigarette smoke smell off of me. It never did. It never did. But you know, there was always been like little couples of missionaries, you know, like a handful here and a handful there, and you were one of them, and Elder Gillings was one of them too, where my family was so changed by you. You know, like you left this, this lifetime imprint on their hearts and like everything was brighter in my house when you guys showed up, you know, and with my family being so inactive and you know I mean it was I joke her all the time that my family could have been on, like Maury Povich, jerry Springer, dr Phil we could have been on all of the shows. Never repeat an episode twice. It would always be different subjects because we just had so many issues twice. It would always be different subjects because we just had so many issues.
Alisha Coakley:And despite knowing all of that, like the changes that you've made, I think, especially for that young man and his family, you know, like the fact that you kept showing up during your dark times so that you could be a light in someone else's dark time a light in someone else's dark time. It doesn't make what you went through easier, but I think that it makes it a little more rewarding. Like, what did you say? Everything that brings us closer to the Lord is a blessing right, and I think that that was something that definitely you know. You don't need to be prideful about it, but I feel like you could definitely be very grateful, you know, like, for the fact that you had to in the priesthood, so that you could trust in your Heavenly Father, and even in yourself too, to make the right choice, to not just say what Jordan wanted to say right, but to deliver that hard news to that family, and so I just think that that's such a beautiful thing that you did and very inspiring, very inspiring, very inspiring.
Scott Brandley:I love what you're saying about the people that were smoking their cigarette while they're filling out their fast offerings. I think one of the lessons there is that at each point in our life, I mean it's kind of like we're on a constant roller coaster, all of us right, and there are moments when you, I mean the most you can do is take a baby tiny step forward, you know, in faith, and I mean maybe the best you can do is just say a prayer in your mind for, you know, a minute, I don't know, like maybe the best those people could do right then is is fill out a fast offering slip because the world had pulled them in so tight right with addictions and just you know all of the all, of the all of the craziness in the world, um, but I think God sees the effort, even if it's small, and he and he rewards us for it, right.
Jordan Robins:Oh, yeah, for sure, right, and that's that's why I think it's important, like I said, we, it's important to be kind to other people, right, and really try to see them, if we can, through, you know, the eyes of our Savior himself, to be able to see their potential, right and what they have to offer.
Jordan Robins:And even if, whatever, I don't profess to be perfect myself, right, and I don't expect anybody else to be perfect other than the Savior himself, that's why I'm so grateful that we have him, that he's willing to take upon all our struggles and our difficulties and our challenges and our sins, you know, to be able to do that. I think really, prior to that depression, I probably view the Savior as someone who can take away sin. I don't know that. I really thought too much that he has dealt with and he can take on, he can comfort us right. He can take away our pains and our sorrows and our aches, our heartaches, right as well, and that, really, you know that was really a big moment in my life to be able to have gone through that and to be able to share that with other people.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Alisha Coakley:So let me ask you, how has um, how has, I guess, the priesthood and the, the ability that you have to use that you know on a regular basis, how has that helped you to see and to love you know, all of all of God's children, all of the ones that you come in contact with.
Jordan Robins:I think I've had opportunities in not just the church. I've served in various capacities in the church where I'm able to reach out and to bring others to Christ and, I think, just give them a little sense of hope. That I think in my occupation as well. We talk about gospel principles without talking about gospel principles, right, I mean, but we talk about forgiveness and we talk about, you know, really having faith right, sometimes in ourself and really our own worth really being able to identify that we are worthwhile, that we have value, and so it's kind of bringing those things into those messages you asked about.
Jordan Robins:You know how have I done that? I think about another experience when I was back in Virginia. I remember my wife and I we just moved into a different ward and within a month or so I remember a member of the Elders Quorum Presidency called me and said hey, we have this course, home teaching. At the time we have this home teaching assignment for you. They gave me a list of maybe three or four families and I said what can you tell me about them? Right, I'm new, can you give me some more information? And you know, they kind of went through some of the families and they got to one and it was kind of an older couple, I think. They're probably about, I guess, mid, you know, early mid 70s. I asked about them and I remember the guys, like you know, I don't really know about it because they don't come to church. You know, I think they're not really all that interested and you know, but you know, we just we put it with you and you know, do your best kind of a thing. Good luck to you.
Jordan Robins:And I actually remember going home right after that and I remember I went straight to my room and actually prayed over all these families and when I got to that couple I remember their names were Lewis and Mary, in Buena Vista that's how they pronounce it there Buena Vista, virginia, lewis and Mary. And I got to them and immediately the thought was just go, just go see them. And I think I kind of thought for a second. I'm like really I don't even know. I was just like just go. I remember I just got up right then and I drove straight through the house and I knocked on the door and it took a little while and then I remember Mary answered the door. She opened the door. She kind of just looked like who are you? I just introduced myself and said hi, I have recently been called to be your home teacher.
Jordan Robins:I just introduced myself and said hi, I have recently been called to be your home teacher. And you know, would it be OK if I set up a time where maybe I could come by later? Anyway, her perplexed look just turned to just a warm smile and she said we have not had home teachers. She said I can't remember the last time we had home teachers come by. So she invited me in and so I ended up talking to her and Louis was in the other room. I remember he was watching football and he didn't seem all that interested. I remember talking to Mary I don't know, maybe 10, 15 minutes, and I said would it be okay if maybe I come back in a few weeks or so? And she said, oh, that would be great. So I left. I remember over the course of maybe I don't know four or five, six months, I just go by and it turned into more like going maybe twice a month.
Jordan Robins:I go a couple times a month just to visit with Mary and I started noticing that every visit Lewis's chair even though he's always watching football or NASCAR, whatever's on TV on Sundays I remember I started noticing that his chair he was sitting in started kind of scooting a little bit closer every week until one day I knocked on the door and Lewis opened it and he invited me in and we ended up talking and anyway, I don't know that he, I don't remember him coming to church, but I remember he started coming to church activities and he'd be the guy that show up and be the first one there setting up chairs and he'd be the last one to leave, putting the chairs away and sweeping the floor and uh all, because somebody said, well, I don't. I mean, I think we just miss some opportunities sometimes because we get something in our mind that, oh, they might not be interested. But sometimes the Lord's just like just go, just reach out, just love them, just love them. Let's start with that. And so I think, from my experiences, I think, where I felt the Savior's love in my life, that's something I've tried to share with others, I think, as far as a hobby's interest, I say just the dad life.
Jordan Robins:I love the dad life. I love jumping on the trampoline, love, going to their ballgames, love playing catch with them, playing checkers or connect four, and whenever I played dolls with my little girls when they were younger and I enjoyed that, and I just think about how you know our kids today. They need to know how much they are valued and how much they are loved, and I think that comes through just being present. I remember, actually, jason Kelsey. He's an all pro center for the Eagles. He recently decided he was going to retire because he wanted to spend more time with his family and I think in his retirement little speech he said something along the lines of the best gift that we can give our children as fathers is to be present, to be loving and to be devoted, and I think that just goes along with you know. I think Helby Lee talked about the greatest work we can do is within the walls of our own homes, and so if
Jordan Robins:we're struggling to share, to love or to do anything like that sometimes. I think let's just start in our homes. Homes that's where we're going to probably have the biggest impact With my kids. I have a couple that have struggles. They have questions about things. They struggle with the church. In some ways, I think they're always going to know that they were loved and that they do have a higher purpose. That's something they can. Hopefully they can always turn back to you know when those get dark.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, I think, especially in these, in these times, like that's probably the best thing that we can do is just show love, and I feel like we're, you know, as as a church in a whole, I do feel like we're we're getting out of that culture mindset that we've kind of established over the last few decades and into this whole like disagree with things and whatever else, like we don't all have to be on the same team, on the same page, to be on the same team. But I really do love that and and I really appreciate you coming on and sharing these stories with us and this insight and stuff like that, cause I think it's definitely needed. I know I felt the spirit very strongly throughout the whole episode and something that I was really praying for today. So thank you for being you and for just sharing and for being vulnerable, so I really appreciate that.
Scott Brandley:You're welcome. Yeah, thanks, jordan. I really appreciate your insight and your stories and being willing to share it. It's not always easy to share some of that stuff, but I think it'll help people and give them some hope and maybe some motivation to go and do something. Just go, just go and help somebody. I love it.
Jordan Robins:Yeah, I just actually just a quick thought. I just the other day, my youngest son and I, we're actually just we're on the trampoline and as we're jumping and playing games and whatever else, all of a sudden he stops and looks up and he notices that the moon, and it was like basically a half moon. And I looked at it for a second and he said, dad, how come I?
Jordan Robins:can only see half the moon today, and so then we ended up having to talk about the solar system and orbits and rotations, and we talked about like where the sun is right, but the sun is always shining right, sometimes because of for various reasons, I didn't have this in-depth talk with my picture, I was just thinking.
Jordan Robins:but even though the sun's always shining, sometimes there's things in our lives right, whether it's sin, whether it's doubt, whether it's depression or some other mental health issue, or maybe physical pain or whatever the case may be, is that we find ourselves on the dark side of the moon, right, I think about? In some different languages we talk about repent, which just really means turn around right, and that's what we sometimes. We just need to find a way to turn around. Like I said, whether we're depressed, have some sort of sin, something we need to overcome, or we have other life obstacles in our way, sometimes we just need to turn around and face the sun. Right, son of God is always there, his light is always shining, right, we just have to make ourselves available and ready and to be able to receive that in our lives. And anyway, I'll leave you guys with with this, and I say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen, amen.
Alisha Coakley:I hate when you guys make me cry at the end of the show because there's a closeup here on my face and then I'm all sobby. But I appreciate it and I appreciate you coming on here and and we definitely appreciate all of our listeners too. Guys, we're going to encourage you to do your five-second missionary work. Just go and hit that share button. Make sure you get Jordan's story out there. We would love to hear what resonated with you as you listen to his story. Go ahead and leave us a comment.
Alisha Coakley:Let us know what your favorite part was, what you're struggling with, what insights you kind of were led to see and to understand as Jordan shared his beautiful stories. And if you guys have a story to share as well, we want to encourage you guys to reach out to us. You can either head over to latterdaylightscom and fill out the form at the bottom of the page or you can email us at latterdaylightsatgmailcom. Scott and I we go through the emails, we read stories, we reach out to you guys and we would really, we would really love to have more opportunities to share light with the world. So make sure you guys just go and do that and and make sure that you guys, tune in next week for another another episode of Latter-day Lights as well.
Scott Brandley:Perfect, yeah, Thanks again, Jordan, for being on the show and thanks everyone for tuning in. We will talk to you next week. Until then, take care. Bye guys, thank you.