Living on the Run and Receiving Pinpoints of Light: April Giauque's Story - Latter-Day Lights

Have you ever been on the run for your life? 

In this episode, April Giaugue shares her gripping story of marrying a husband with Schizophrenia, and living for years in a difficult and dangerous world that constantly blurred the lines between reality and fantasy.

With the church as her north star, she held on to her faith during the darkest times of her life, realizing that Heavenly Father was placing pinpoints of light in her path to guide and protect her and her children.

*** Please SHARE April's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/ijqso104QeA

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To READ April's book "Pinpoints of Light: Escaping the Abyss of Abuse", visit (direct link): https://www.amazon.com/Pinpoints-Light-Escaping-Abyss-Abuse/dp/1640853510

To LISTEN to April's "Beacon of Light Podcast", visit: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC-rCY8L7NI4A-AwU_IMOyLDDuGQ9dawI

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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.

Transcript

Scott Brandley: 0:00

Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley: 0:02

And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.

Scott Brandley: 0:10

On today's episode we're going to hear how a marriage turned dark, and living on the run showed one woman that despite the darkness, there's always hope and pinpoints of light. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad that you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our special guest, April Tribe Giauque. Our special guest April Tribe Juke April, welcome to the show.

April Giauque: 0:54

Well, thank you Scott and Alisha. You'll notice right away my hands are moving and signing. It's because it's part of the story, but I'm signing because I have two daughters who were born deaf, so I'll do my best to sign through this opportunity. It's a little bit of importance, and why is she moving her hands?

Alisha Coakley: 1:09

That's why I love it. You probably have like the most amazing muscles right, Like arm muscles, hand muscles, just from like all the moving.

April Giauque: 1:19

Maybe I'm trying to get more. Mostly my muscles are like did you remember that time? Do you remember how that goes? Oh sorry, still learning muscle memory.

Scott Brandley: 1:31

There you go. I had a. I had a deaf friend in in school and I learned a little bit, a little bit, of sign language, um, but I I can't remember most of it anymore, but it was fun. I used to be pretty good at it, not not to your level, but enough that I can have a decent conversation. Yeah, I.

Alisha Coakley: 1:55

I've always loved sign language. I am not any good at it at all. I do have sometimes like my tick tock videos or the Facebook reels will pop up with like people who like to teach certain signs and it's always like so fun to like learn it and then the next day I forget it. So I can't even speak regular English Half the time. My brain doesn't work on that. I don't know if I could ever learn a fully a second language, but maybe we'll see.

Scott Brandley: 2:22

So maybe Well, April, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

April Giauque: 2:29

Okay, so to start off with, I have nine children. I'm a mom of nine and I have been married twice, but all the children were birthed from me, one at a time.

Scott Brandley: 2:44

I don't go twinsie.

April Giauque: 2:45

It's a one-time thing, because I'm too short. I guess I don't know, or that's what the Lord was like.

April Giauque: 2:51

Nine is fine, one at a time, okay, we'll have a little conversation with that and I really enjoy teaching I'm a special education teacher at high school level all about transitional skills and functional skills for students grade nine through 12th so that they can become functional within our communities and get a job and all of that. So we really focus in on a lot of living skills for that and my husband we have been married. This is my second husband Talk about the first husband a minute. My second husband and we just celebrated our 15th year wedding anniversary and so that's how we have nine kids in 15 years. Maybe things don't add up. We'll explain in a minute.

Alisha Coakley: 3:40

Gotcha Well, congratulations, that's awesome, yeah, okay. Well, miss April, we your story is phenomenal. Scott does not know hardly any of it at all, and I cannot wait to hear more of the details, so we're going to turn the time over to you and let you tell us where does your story begin?

April Giauque: 4:07

So my story begins. We'll start here with this slice of time. There's more information prior to and we might touch on it a little bit, but we're going to start here. So I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I served my mission in California, down in Carlsbad, california, and enjoyed that opportunity of sharing the gospel with so many people. I learned a lot of things about how people, people in relationships, how they work, and I was like, oh, I got this. I had a little bit of it, a little bit, but it was a good place to learn a lot of things. So then came back and this is in the nineties, so it was 96 when I got home and you know, everyone come to the missionary homecoming. I know today it's not really a thing, but it's still a thing, yeah anyway. So a bunch of missionaries from from the area who had all served and they lived in ut Like let's go. So they would do mission homecoming, hopping Right.

April Giauque: 5:28

And so one elder that was from our mission. I knew him in one area for about three weeks, then he got transferred to another place. So you know, when sisters and elders are in the same zone, you meet each other for a little bit and you know transfers or exchanges or I don't even know what they're called now. Same old, whatever happens, and you get a new companion. When that happens, um, he was transferred to another place, fine and dandy Anyway, came to the homecoming and he really never left. We just started to chat and became friends and then started dating and so on and so forth. And I will say this right now didn't date long enough, and soon we were engaged and even sooner we were married. Yay, yeah. So here we are and my checkboxes were checked.

April Giauque: 6:34

Someone who believes in the gospel, someone who has a testimony of Christ, someone who wants the temple in their life Didn't have to really be returned missionary. I mean, that's amazing too, because your testimony is usually gone deeper, but I wanted those things and I always knew that I was going to have a large family that comes from ancestry. So my fourth great-grandmother she was five years old when she crossed the plains with the Martin Handcart Company. She was the seventh of nine children and they lost over half of their family in that tragedy and she remained faithful. She's five, she's an orphan, she has one older sister, one older brother and one younger brother and they arrive in the valley, they get taken in from another family, raised, and then she went on to get married and she had 11 children and that 11th had nine children. So wait, excuse me that the 11th had eight children and the first of those eight had three, so a little small there. And then my mom, who was the bottom of those three, had five and then I have nine, so a little shrinkage in the middle there. But I knew that I was going to have a large family.

April Giauque: 8:06

Back to the story. I just knew that if we were temple going we had testimony in Christ. That's the same team. So if you're on the same team you can have the same dream. I know problems are going to happen. I know I saw many things growing up in my life. I understand. So my thinking was the problems would be health problems, cancer, maybe loss of a job. But same faith, same team. That's what I thought. But same faith, same team.

April Giauque: 8:44

That's what I thought, well, I forgot. Agency is part of this. So, with that kind of darkness starting to set in, when I was first married I knew we wanted to start our family. We got married in May and I had one year left of college, graduate, with my English degree and my PE minor. I was going to be a teacher in high school and coach the cheerleaders. Because that's what I did, so I'm like perfect, right. So checklist off, you can see I. I like lists. Yeah, things were matching up just fine and I worked pregnant, going to college, finishing up and just life is awesome. My first husband at the time was in construction and building and he and his dad were going to make a new kind of construction company and they could build whatever. So my first husband, I like to say like Michelangelo, was to marble. My husband was to wood.

April Giauque: 10:05

He could carve, make anything. He could do everything, even draw the house plans. So again, check. And we were always going to the temple at least one time a month. Check, I mean could any more light be shining on this? It was amazing. Check, I mean could any more light be shining on this? Amazing. We were given callings and just I mean same team, same dream. And then I started to notice well, tell me, I'm going to ask you a question. Okay, okay, scott, here's your question. So ready, if some. If someone takes a picture of the sun in the position at the near the horizon, do you know, just from the photo, if it is a sunrise or if it's a sunset? Do you know?

Scott Brandley: 10:58

I don't, I can't, I don't know I didn't know either.

April Giauque: 11:03

So this was just like my life. I was like, okay, I could not tell if the light of rays were coming, you know, brighter, like a day, or are we going down. We were kind of in this hovering place Because I started to notice a few things. First thing that I noticed with my first husband was some old friends started to enter in. They're his old friends. I don't know these friends, but we're going to invite, welcome and feel you know, share our light with all that we can. Serving others is like first priority for myself or my.

April Giauque: 11:51

What would you say you'd say the love language or whatever service. And what I started to notice with the old friends popping in was that within my home the light was maybe dimming by degree. So suddenly I found myself looking not at a sunrise but at a sunset and I'm like, oh, this is weird. We're just starting off and everything's checked. How can things be coming darker?

April Giauque: 12:24

Hmm, I started to think. Watch my husband a little bit more and question and ask still going to the temple? Still on the checklist? Something's not matching. Hmm, so that's the gut, that's the holy spirit. I always say God gave you your guts, so trust them. Okay, but I remember my marriage covenant and I'm trusting that too. So what's happening here? So now I have become the wife of questions Probably too many questions.

April Giauque: 13:16

So I started asking what is happening here? Why were you late? Why don't we have enough money for food? We've had the baby oh, I'm going to have another baby. And things just weren't matching. So his work with his dad and the construction company. When we would have a job, there was more light. When we were waiting for a job to happen, or he was hustling to try and get another job lined up before the other one ended, we felt a little bit more darkness. Now I wish I was really perceptive to see all of that when it was happening. At the same time, I could feel something was off. Now in reflection, because 2020 is amazing vision.

April Giauque: 14:02

I can really see it Back then I just knew in my gut something's off. Well, what was it? First time, let's see, we've been married for almost two years. My husband comes home drunk. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hang on a hot, hot minute. We were at temple two weeks ago. Wait, wait, okay, I'm a little surprised by this. I don't know anything yeah what's happening.

April Giauque: 14:32

Like I said before, we didn't date long enough, so this first drunk episode comes home with this and I'm just shocked and upset and I'm screaming Probably not the best moment of my life and I just remember feeling so hurt. Why could he do this to me? I was just so me in the moment. I wasn't even thinking about, hmm, maybe he's drinking because he's in pain. No, not even near thought. We're married in the temple. Why are you doing this to our family? And just on and on and on, not good.

April Giauque: 15:15

So he sleeps it off and the next day trying to kind of okay, get a grip again and figure out life. The next day happens to be like a family party. So we go to the family party and he has his sunglasses on and I'm like whatever? And start talking with a stepsister. Stepsister says oh, I really wanted to meet with you and talk with you about a lot of things. I'm out of screen, right? I'm like, okay, so I'm nursing baby watching the other one, and out comes a story about his high school years. Okay, my bad for not asking better questions. And this is that innocence or hope or you know. Anyone out there can judge it because, whatever, I didn't ask the deep enough questions and so, learning about the high school day days and behaviors and the alcohol and the drugs and all these this whole life, my thinking was he changed, he repented, he served a mission. We're, we're over here.

April Giauque: 16:33

How do you go from here, over to here, which felt like for me, like two weeks ago we were at the temple and now we're coming home drunk. It feels like I think I missed something. I think I missed a grand canyon there. You know, whoops, and thinking okay, so I'm listening, I'm listening to the story she has to say and now I understand why all the old friends started popping up again. Well, first off, he started having money, he started giving them jobs in construction.

April Giauque: 17:04

Okay, you know, I know it's a. I understand that it's a rough crowd, but he's in charge of it. It'd be, he's fine and it's good to serve and help other people that are down on their luck. Oh, you are still. Oh, okay, wasn't ready for that and just kind of understanding and learning more about his past. I had to. Just really, I was glad I was sitting down and nursing the baby and just thinking okay. And then, when she was done, she's like okay, see ya, I'm like what do I do with all of this? And my husband, my husband, was like, oh, no, she talked to so-and-so. So I know that he knows that, he knows that she shared and he's like right, so I'm like let's go home and let's figure this out.

April Giauque: 18:03

And so he does admit and share a lot of the story. What I thought was a lot of the story, no, it was a lot more. I didn't know about it. He wasn't ready to share all of that, which was in a minute. So we try again, reset, build some more homes, take on some more jobs. Staying busy is really important. Go and talk with Bishop, make a plan, an idea what to do. But you'd think maybe like counseling or support, would be part of that. No, not, not really at this moment. It was just a, it was a lapse, just went off for a minute. We'll be back. And he was back for a minute until I was pregnant with my third.

April Giauque: 18:58

So you can see, within our marriage, as the sun is dipping, the lights are turning darker. So now I'm my third and we have to sell the home. We can't sell it, we've got to find renters. I just kind of moved us into my parents home, didn't really ask, I just kind of moved because I needed a roof over the head, because it was very blurred and my nesting skills were a little crazy at the moment and that's probably not a good idea either, but that's where we were, stayed there for about four months till baby was born, and then we made a move to Idaho and I was thinking, okay, this is going to be perfect, we'll separate from old friends, we'll have a new place, we'll have a new life, we'll have a new place, we'll have a new life, we'll have a new opportunity. New equals good. No, because I'm not facing and he's not facing what the real problems are.

April Giauque: 19:58

So in our third well, our third son we've got three sons we're in Idaho. We're trying to build up another company. He's with a framing position, so it's so beneath him, right, because he could do everything. So framing is just like. So he's doing it so he can get some money, but then he's not really doing it for very long. And I'm finding ourselves like opening. There's no food, not enough for diapers. I've got to ask the Bishop for help and what I thought was maybe a one-time, two-time drinking episode started to happen weekly and then nightly, and then added with drugs with that. So I'm in the crazy house thinking what happened? Can I love him enough? Not enough. What's going on? And using church as my base, I never missed. I needed that to hold on to. I that love, that light, that hope. Because it is set, the rays of light within the, within the sky, are dimming, dimming to you.

April Giauque: 21:13

Just have that hue of like of a lightish blue before it goes black so I'm holding on to that little pinpoint of light, just that tiny ray, and hoping for the best. Well, he quit the framing. The framing job wanted to start his own, helped him get a few things finished. Then 9-11 happened.

April Giauque: 21:43

Then 9-11 happened and we were in a small place in Idaho and you know, really conservative, they're not going to start building because we don't know what's going to happen with the world and all of these things. What's interesting is that I'm noticing at this time with my third son, who's still a baby, with my second son, who's about about two, with my first son, who's three and a half. I'm having kids, boom, boom, boom, like every 15 or 17 months, like we're just having them. And I'm noticing with my, my older boy. He's talking, he's picking up words. He's like amazing, he's brilliant. Okay, this is amazing. And I'm looking at my second son like you're standing on your head and you're crying all the time and we're pitching fits and nothing is satisfying and you have no words and we don't sleep and and and and I don't know what's happening and I'm just missing all this because of the stress of of our marriage. And I don't know what's happening and I'm just missing all this because of the stress of our marriage and I don't know what's going on. And he's two, it's just the fitful twos, don't worry about it. And I'm like gut again is doing the gut check, something's off, something is not right. He's two, he can't even say mom, like what's happening? This is the early 2000s, right 2001.

April Giauque: 23:08

So autism, here we go with this. So now my focus is like how do I help my son? Because the tantruming, the self-injurious behavior, all of these things are just crashing, crashing. So I pulled the plug of staying where we were and we move back to Utah to a basement apartment from his parents' home in their basement and we're just going to try to make it. The idea of going to work and becoming a teacher has long since left, because now this focus on this child is full. And, husband, I hope you can take care of yourself because I don't know what to do to help you, because you're still doing drugs and drinking and that's the quiet hush, except for the one stepsister who knows everything. So we're just just going to and we're just going to live and I'm going to figure out what the doctor about my son.

April Giauque: 24:08

So I do, I start to learn, and now we have services coming in to the house and I'm learning and they're like I don't know, it could be autism, maybe it's not. Yes, no, yes, no. All these like no one can give me answers. So for myself that likes checklists check the box. No, no, erase the box. No, no, check it. No, no, erase, check, check. So I feel like I'm now in the loopy bin. What's happening? And so with that, I'm watching my husband make financial decisions that are really you know, really I was going to say killing the relationship. That's what you would sign. They're harmful for the relationship. It's not good. We're living on the WIC coupons, so it's really. I have a great recipe for life cereal mix it with some cheese and a little bit of tuna. Oh, and then carrots on the side, maybe a glass of milk.

April Giauque: 25:12

You're getting innovative Right. I'm like I don't know what to do here Because there was just nothing. We could get the formula, we could get the diapers. And then it was that Half of me is like, well, no wonder no one wants to be home, You're feeding them tuna and carrots. I'm like, well, that's all I have. And it wasn't even a thought to think we'll go out and get a job or start. It was just this iron focus in the dark. Do your eyes really work well in the dark? You?

Alisha Coakley: 25:41

guys, yeah.

April Giauque: 25:49

No, not me either. One thing I did right was I kept going to church. I just kept going. I wanted to remain temple recommend worthy, so I did, and I hauled those three kids everywhere I could would go. And you know, look at the ducks. There was nothing to feed the ducks. Go look at the ducks threw a lot nothing to feed the ducks. We'd go look at the ducks, threw a lot of bark at the ducks. It worked. So I tried to keep you know something, going to free things, walking everywhere, doing whatever I could to just escape the trap of the basement, of the basement, because of how dark it was. And every night, either missing my husband, he's not showing up, or when he does, he's drunk, stoned, something.

April Giauque: 26:32

So I'm like okay, then we kind of have a heart to heart and have a big discussion. We start to get some support, some help. I asked the bishop for some food. I was like, huh, we have bread with our tuna now. Woo, like miracles, just the simple things, cause I was not going to share.

April Giauque: 26:53

My pride was part of that, my shame was the other part. So when you have pride and shame, you're pretty quiet. Shame, you're pretty quiet. Not much light there either. Yeah, so, um, you guys depressed, yet it gets better. I'm just teasing, but I'm not teasing.

April Giauque: 27:15

Yeah, so we're working on things and he thinks, okay, if I can get a big loan and we build a huge, like multi-million dollar home, this could change everything and I could be in the parade of homes and I could be this and I could be that. So these dreams start and he stops drinking, he stops doing drugs, everything just stops. And I hear this slide sounds in the middle of the night and that's his slide bar on the drafting table, table drawing more house plans. Like he's back and he's right into it and I'm like better, I see a pinpoint of light. Woo, much better.

April Giauque: 28:03

And yeah, sober, everything's better. So I could focus in on the kids. I could get the help. We were now having some part services and he was going to like it would be like a pre school, but it wasn't quite exactly. That was just like a two hour kind of learning zone place and my other child now who's's one and a half he's not talking. So I have a five-year-old, a three-year-old and this one and a half who's not talking, and because things have gotten better, I'm pregnant again. Here's our fourth cycle, with every. We never went back to the top.

April Giauque: 28:50

We just kept going lower. But on that upswing you're like oh, we're going to make it all the way and we're here. Well, that's better than where we were. So, we'll take that and again stay with church, keep going, read the scriptures, serve the Lord, because that I knew was a happy place. This is a side note, but because of my kids' behaviors we were asked by the stake primary president to not come back to church.

Scott Brandley: 29:30

Whoa.

April Giauque: 29:31

What I came back to church.

Scott Brandley: 29:33

Yeah, good for you.

April Giauque: 29:34

Too much, we were just too much, and what was so much fun with that is that they were the back door neighbor.

Scott Brandley: 29:43

Oh.

April Giauque: 29:46

So fun, I would drag, drag, the didn't matter scream the whole time. I don't know. I don't know much about the autism spectrum, didn't know that every time the organ was played that sound was like like he was chewing on glass. I didn't know that there was sensory. I didn't know. And we're here and you're going to like this puzzle and I'm like the great woman octopus Doesn't matter, we're going to stay and if you all are offended, I'm sorry but I'm staying.

April Giauque: 30:16

I need this place and so I stayed and it was a huge testimony to me that I was in the right place and if they were having problems, it was their problems that they were going to have to work on. I did not have to accept that. So, I didn't, so let that be a lesson to you all out there.

Scott Brandley: 30:35

Wow.

April Giauque: 30:36

So we start building this huge multimillion dollar home out.

Alisha Coakley: 30:47

Scott, you'll know where this is up in Huntsville Love.

April Giauque: 30:49

Huntsville Right so we start building this.

April Giauque: 30:52

It is amazing. All from his mind. All of a sudden it's created and is phenomenal and the house is going to live for two. It's going to stand for 200 years because of all of the work and the amazing everything that he put into it. And I was part of that project. I helped with the cutting of all the wood, I helped with everything. I had kids strapped to me, crackers everywhere, and we worked together. So in that togetherness of working for one goal, we really improved on so many things and I felt like we were coming back Again. We'd never up to the top, but we were getting better, and that was really a good amount of hope.

April Giauque: 31:35

So I just didn't see one pinpoint of light. I started to see several. So this was more like we've got a dark sky cast and now there's several stars. I'm like you can navigate through the stars, or with this, by the light of the stars, you can navigate. So I'm like, okay, we can get back on course. So we start that and again I'm pregnant with number four and go until number four is born. Ah, and it's a daughter. So I have three boys and a daughter.

April Giauque: 32:05

The house is finished. Don't have a buyer for it yet, so we will move in and wait for a buyer. Okay, oh, there's a mortgage with that Kind of expensive. But because of this he can now show other people his home building skills. My parents were one of them and he started building their home. He did not, um, come to I can't even think the proposal. It was a little off by about a hundred thousand dollars. So put them into huge debt. And now we've got this debt. They've got got that debt. Oh, but we're still building these huge homes, which is great. And we get another person who wants one of these amazing homes and this one will be in the parade of homes. So we're like, okay, if we can just focus in and start this and work our tails off, it's going to be okay. All of this is happening.

April Giauque: 33:01

Baby's young Got the three young boys. I'm getting better at learning what autism is. I'm now involved with a program. I'm learning all about sensory and technology and how we can help, because he's four and he's still not speaking. But we're going to be okay. I know more there. My husband is on some kind of a track now. That's better. It's not where we were, like going to the temple, but it's better than we were with drugs and alcohol. It's gonna be okay. So I'm like I will take this and we moved into the home. On one night we decided to watch a movie and it was a dvd watched. It called a beautiful mind anyone ever seen that movie.

April Giauque: 33:41

Yep, so we're sitting down watching. I am hooked in, I'm like. I am like I don't know If my kids fell down the stairs I wouldn't have known. I was so enthralled I could not leave. I was like uh-huh, yeah, what? Like I was in the zone with the movie. At the end of the movie my husband stands up, he turns it off, he kind of holds the TV console, kind of shaking, and he says finally, someone knows how. I think I get a what.

April Giauque: 34:25

Record scratch moment how I think I get a. What Record scratch moment. I have like a Google image attack of like pictures flashing through my mind of everything of what he means with that. We've just watched a portrayal of an actor who's having challenges with his mind with schizophrenia, and now he can connect with that character and it's milk. Yeah, what so? Sorry, that's spoiler alert. That's part of the book of pinpoints of light, but that was what. And then he got real quiet and I'm in my thinking and I'm watching the kids and I'm looking at him and he's just in Suddenly. I start to think about a few things with his building company. One of them is John. Start to think about John. John was our money manager. I always miss John Every time I pull up to a construction place. There's a truck driving away or I just missed him by 10 minutes or whatever. Now I've seen him talk on the phone to John. I know he's there, everything. Spoiler alert John's not real.

April Giauque: 35:43

Wow, john is part of his mind oh my gosh, so all the money is going other places. So in my mind I'm thinking is this like the movie? It just goes in an envelope somewhere and gets dropped off? I was close. It was a good guess. He would put the money in envelopes and take it down to people who were homeless. That's nice. But your family people who were homeless, that's nice. But your family is just about homeless. We're back to the WIC coupons again and there's no money, there's no gas. You know how far away Huntsville is from any real services. So I am trapped there in this valley that's a beautiful place with four kids and two with autism. Oh wait, I mean three.

April Giauque: 36:32

We were part of a study, a medical study, and after all of the testing came back, I got the stack of files and I was going through them and I was like, wow, look at everything they got for my second son. Amazing, that's my first son's name. Okay, second son, I thought it'd be more than that. Okay, third, third, third son. Oh, there's one more file. Oh, it's my husband. Okay, so I just had to sit down. Moment, I'm gonna have these moments. I go into my southern drawl. I'm like what? Then, like an eagle, I look over, or like you could say, a hawk, to look at my daughter who's not crawling, who's not speaking, who has sensory challenges, and I'm like, and I'm like, okay, it's okay, figure it out, figure it out. And so now we have services coming in to help her and trying to figure out what. The first three we do have some respite because they're going to school, a special school. It's very helpful, and this special school required me to use 40 hour, 40 hours a month to learn the program too, so I could go home, which was fantastic but challenging at the same time. So we did it, and then I started learning. Well, maybe I can really this idea of teaching and I could do some homeschool. Maybe All of that was really feeling successful.

April Giauque: 38:16

And now my husband is doing the parade of homes. It is fantastic. He is nominated to win the show and I know when he talks about John and the money, I'm like can I see it first? No, no, no, john doesn't allow for anyone to touch it. Maybe my dad, but not you. Wow, trying to figure this out. And then he wins the parade of homes and on that night I discover I'm pregnant with number five and he tells me that he needs to sit down with me, like I can't even imagine what we're going to talk about. So he sits down and he says I want you to know.

April Giauque: 38:58

Two things happened today with this win. First, I got a phone call from the Chevy corporate offices. Like Chevrolet, yes, okay, they are asking if they can use my company's name for their slogan. What? No, I'm completely famous. And people now are asking for this because they're going to start running commercials in about two weeks and you'll see it and it will say Chevy, an American revolution. Well, our company was Revolutionary Homes, maybe a little bit of a match. But I'm like what? And I'm remembering what he said about the movie and the way he's thinking. I'm like, no, no, and now I have to think if I just explode here, it's not going to work. So I'm like, well, what if I tried a different way? I'm like, tell me more about this. And then he said okay, now I need you to understand that. I was approached by two men in black.

April Giauque: 40:11

Like, well, it sounds like a movie, like well, it sounds like a movie and he says they want to change the US currency for the $10 bill and it's going to have revolutionary on the bill. So the US Mint apparently contacted my husband.

Scott Brandley: 40:31

Wow.

April Giauque: 40:34

So now I'm in, I'm like in a panic of like we don't have reality here. We've been able to kind of visit this place and then pop back into reality and visit. This is now the new reality. I'm thinking how am I going to get through this? So I start reading, when every time we go to the library, I start reading up and researching what schizophrenia is. And now, mind you, the doctor has not said that he has this. This is his own mind. Connecting with this. He is on the autism spectrum, according to the files that we got back, and it's possibility that schizophrenia is part of that spectrum. That's all I have. So I'm like, okay, so I'm researching, trying to figure things out.

April Giauque: 41:17

Now my older kids are getting a little bit older, so six, four or six, almost five, four, three and one, okay, so I decided I need a break. So I do break and we separate for a little bit, and things that you will read in the book have to do with a lot more challenges. That actually happened and so I won't share all of that. But we do split for a little bit. And I remember one time in this split I was trying to, you know, build and finish a basement so we could have a place to live. And I'm laying down flooring so we have a place, and my neighbor came to me and just just railed on me saying you need to get in a safe place. You can't have him keep coming back. I know everything that he's doing at night. And I'm just like and he literally backed me into a corner from where I was laying the floor and I was like this is not helpful and I know he meant well, but just, you need to get that. You need to leave him like all these need lists, and I'm like so much easier to say than to do so. In that little separation things were easier for me. I've had my fifth child now and now it's time to like move on to another place.

April Giauque: 42:45

I won't share one of the stories that gave me a lot of strength because it's too long of a story to tell, but I will say it's connected with my great great-grandmother and walking the trail of the Martin Company and I had a connection there that was very spiritual, I believe, with my great-great-grandmother and in a moment that just kind of hit me that I needed to change things and get safe and secure now. So my youngest is now 13 months old, so just a little over a year, and my oldest is six, going to become seven. So we've got this, or going to become eight, almost becoming eight. So I've got from eight to one with these five kids and we're going to be okay because now I'm going to take this on. I'm no longer going to rely on him and the challenges that are happening going to take this on. I'm no longer going to rely on him and the challenges that are happening. Well, he gets a little upset by, or sorry, upset by that, and soon more, not just like neglectful abuse that had been happening for a long time, but now a little more physical starts happening and I'm like it's okay, I can take this and protect my kids and I will have another plan and we're going to move again back to the basement apartment which would be closer to a school that I was helping to set up, spectrum Academy. I was a founding parent and I'm like this is going to help with my kids personally with autism. We're going to go there and, as a physical, things happened a little bit more.

April Giauque: 44:19

I knew that this move away from Huntsville and out of that house and we'd finally sold it was going to be successful. We moved and, as I was a board member, I helped with enrollment and getting people ready for the school. The school's going to start. We have a few delays because of construction. And then the board president came to me and asked can you become a teacher? We can't find the fifth grade teacher.

April Giauque: 44:46

I had my bachelor's in English and my PE minor and I said yes, with my brain going how does this happen? What do we do? I'm going to get licensed, right? All these questions start popping up and I'm like it's going to be okay.

April Giauque: 45:02

And I felt that comfort from my heavenly father Because, again, I never stopped going to church, I never stopped attending the temple, I never stopped praying. So I know I haven't shared much about the prayers, because those prayers, they were that lifeline. And I said that the stars can guide your boat within that pinpoint of light and every so often he would drop another pinpoint within my life and it's just like being in a cave where, if you see one light, no matter how far it is, your eyes are focused there and as you're approaching it closer, I would see the next and the next and the next. They're very soft and subtle and I had this feeling of you have to extract yourself very carefully from the situation. If I would just turn on the lights, your eyes would not be able to adjust, his eyes would not be able to adjust, your children's eyes would not be able to adjust and in the end you would all be in more danger.

Scott Brandley: 46:09

That's really interesting.

April Giauque: 46:11

And he said my brightest stars shine in the darkest of night. So with that we followed through. Started school, I became involved with a master's program. I started teaching full time. Three of my five children were at the school and two were now in daycare. I was given a blessing. I would say the most challenging decision of my life would soon be coming and to be ready, and I thought that decision was placing my girls in daycare because that's what it?

April Giauque: 46:54

felt like to me. Right and then just jumping in and working. So now I'm a teacher of a classroom of 17 children with autism, as I'm learning how to build the boat as we're in it or fly the airplane as it's flying, you know put your analogy in there.

April Giauque: 47:10

So I'm doing my best. And off we go, and there's income. And off we go, and there's income. I remember a prompting was really specific was to separate my bank account and to hide it. So I did. Now, with the intensity of his mind, with the schizophrenia, he started to imagine himself as Thomas Jefferson, as in the president, as Thomas Jefferson, as in the president, Wow.

April Giauque: 47:37

And he would ride in the back, standing up of the truck, and he would pay his workers to drive him around and he would say that he rode home today in the carriage. He would say I was able to collect more property, meaning he hired more people to work for him.

Scott Brandley: 48:01

Oh, wow, and off we went.

April Giauque: 48:04

So I knew, based on how those lights were going out and how he Heavenly Father cannot flood the cave with too much light, that I was going to have to join this mind game with his mind friends that's what I labeled them as, because there were more that started to come and, depending on the day, some would show up and some would not. The drinking sorry, the drinking and the drugs continued not as often, or I was either far away from it and not such emotionally crazed with it that I either didn't notice or care.

Alisha Coakley: 48:40

Either way.

April Giauque: 48:41

I don't know Whatever you want to think about that. And so, in continuing with church, our move back to the basement apartment gained us a new ward because boundaries had been split from the other ward so I was not in the ward where the stake primary president said to not come back. I was in a different ward and with that ward my bishop from Huntsville had called that bishop and shared a huge background of the story, because my Huntsville Bishop had known and seen so much and I was so grateful that he shared all of that because it made it easier to just come in. And I would say, Scott, you said once you were a bishop. Is that right or you still are? I don't know, Okay.

April Giauque: 49:31

So I don't know if that's normal or not, but I was so grateful and this group just wrapped around us and when my husband would come to church, fine If he didn't, fine, they were there for us. And so we went to church, continued and I made my plan, which at the time, I would never have called it an exit plan.

April Giauque: 50:01

But, I knew things were probably going to have to change. So I started to get this idea of, oh, we're probably going to have to get divorced. I had no idea what really divorced means. Like okay, I know you're not going to live together, you've split the marriage, I get that part. But what does that look like in our situation with finances? No, finances, not enough, not, I'm just barely teaching. I have money for food. I have money to get the kids a pair of shoes if they need.

April Giauque: 50:29

Wow, like, I'm like so grateful so grateful and my work on Tuesday nights, learning in the master's program for special education and just learning as much as I can. Well, I need help with all my kids, father-in-law and my mother-in-law. They've both passed, so as I share this part of the story, um, there's, you know, they're not here to to say anything back, but I will say my mother-in-law tried and worked and did her best. My father-in-law there was a challenge there between us and, sorry, between my husband. So one day at the school it's time for him to drive down, pick up the kids, exchange the cars. I drive out to Murray and I go to school and work with the master's program at university of Phoenix. So here comes this night. It's a regular Tuesday, Tuesday night. They love. My kids love Tuesday night because they get to be home with grandparents and they get little Caesars pizza. Yeah, but hey, this was a big deal to go from the tuna and wicks we got to have pizza one time a week. It was like celebration. So he would do that, drive home, get that and take care of the kids.

April Giauque: 52:05

I would come back about 1030 at night, make sure everyone was where they need to be, Sleep the next day, keep going. So it was just, it was a grind, but I was having income and it was fine and I was hiding it and I knew that eventually, probably within the year, we'd be divorced because you can't sustain all of that. And he's asking question of how do you have this money? So I imposed myself in his story and at first, trying to go to the school and become a teacher, I said that I was going to become a spy for his group and I would give all the information to John. And he was like I'm okay with that because I don't want them changing our kids. I'm like okay, so I'm like I will put down all the notes. So I would write down whatever his mind wanted to hear that day on notes and how they learned and what they did.

April Giauque: 52:59

I became a fictional writer for my life, so I was involved with the story and when we were going to meet I kept asking can we meet John? Yeah, he's like no, I'm just going to give him, because you're writing this down, I'm just going to hand this off to him. And I'm like okay. So I'm like all right, we're, we're still good with all of this, so trying to keep them my, my kids, the 17 I'm in charge of my own mind and his games, you know.

Scott Brandley: 53:31

So I guess this is where my checklist came. That's a lot. Yeah, that's amazing. You could keep track of everything going on and stay sane yourself.

Alisha Coakley: 53:38

And I have to ask real quick did you confide in, like your family or anyone, about what was going on, or did you still keep that all quiet?

April Giauque: 53:49

So I had shared, we will say the tip of the iceberg and, as a response, just to see how they responded to that was very overwhelming. So I knew that that was it. It's all they could handle, and that's okay, because who can really handle this? God, god can, heavenly Father can. I had all reliance on them and I just I just followed because I had to trust in that fully. I just followed because I had to trust in that fully.

April Giauque: 54:19

So back to those Tuesday nights. Here it is as a Tuesday night in November and it's time to do the exchange and I noticed my father-in-law coming into the school building, bleeding and staggering. I'm like, what happened? We're at the end of the day, we're just getting ready for carpool. So this is a charter school. So the teachers are the nurses, the teachers are the librarians, the teachers help with carpool, the teachers are everything right. So it was my turn for carpool and my father was bleeding and I'm like, okay, sit down. And I'm like, pass the chain off to someone else. I hoped it was a teacher, I don't know. I'm like here, I got to work with this and he tells me your husband attacked me. Now, mind you, this is his son.

April Giauque: 55:07

Wow your husband attacked me in the car. He hid and I'm driving down and he hit me in the head with a hammer, pushed me out of the car in the intersection of Redwood Road and 2900 South, right in Moore, salt Lake. So a few witnesses, I'm just going to say. And so he's staggering to the school. The witnesses call 911. So as he, like he, barely finishes the story, here are the police officers All here. Bell rings, everyone's out. It's time for carpool, oh my gosh.

April Giauque: 55:51

So we kind of get moved to the library and the library is awesome because it has windows. So now we're in the fishbowl, it's okay, it's good. So all the kids, what happened in there, anyway? So I'm talking now with the police officer. The police officer goes back to my father-in-law and he says do you want to press charges? What do you want to do? And he looks at me, this strong, prompt, press charges, press charges. I just say it that bluntly and he's like okay, I think I will. I think it's time for him to learn the lessons.

April Giauque: 56:31

So my father-in-law knew about the alcohol. He knew about the drugs. He did not know about John. He alcohol, he knew about the drugs. He did not know about John. He did not know about the split personality. He did not know any about that. He might've had guesses, but I never shared those stories and I don't know how far my first husband shared with him.

April Giauque: 56:46

The point of why he attacked my father-in-law in the first place was that he needed to sell the car. He needed it now. So he started to drive away with the car. Then he saw my van in the parking lot. He got out, had his. He there was somebody walking on Redwood road and he said I got 10 bucks, can you drive this car? Sure, so the guy gets in, starts driving the other car. My husband drives away my van. Now two of them are driving oh no, because everyone witnessed this.

April Giauque: 57:21

The police officer caught both like two blocks down because they stopped at maverick sorry, I'm like commercial for y'all sorry, yeah, the gas station, because I was out of gas so. So maybe it was a good thing Always running on fuel. So they stopped there. They got arrested there. Well, they got taken and then brought back and now the story was shared. The cop tells me these things and my father-in-law says, yes, press the charges. And now we're moved from the fishbowl library into the principal's office with blinds, and I remember looking through the blind and my husband being put into handcuffs and against the car, and my husband looked in the direction of the school and we met eyes and we met I. I'm like I'm going to be a new story tonight. I'm not the one.

Scott Brandley: 58:29

I'm going to be able to hear. I just was like oh, okay, I.

April Giauque: 58:33

I had seen the look one other time in a physical altercation, and that look I don't know how he found me, but he did and I'm like it's today, it happens today, and I saw one more little pinpoint of light within my mind Wasn't a crazy mind, yet I was getting close though. So I turned to my father-in-law and now again, y'all can judge me on this, but this is how it went down Turned to my father-in-law and now again y'all can judge me on this, but this is how it went down Turned to my father-in-law I'm thinking about routine and stability for the kids.

April Giauque: 59:04

So I tell my kids, tell my husband or, sorry, my father-in-law take everybody home. It's going to be a normal Tuesday. I'm going to go to class. I'm going to see if I can get out a little early. I'm going to come home. We'll talk about everything. My father-in-law wanted to discuss everything. I said I really can't miss my class, which was partially true, because if you miss a six week class you have to repeat the whole thing. I wasn't keeping everything in order. This plan had to stay within the plan and the timeframe, no matter what situation was happening. So father-in-law takes him home.

April Giauque: 59:44

I blast out to school. I meet my teacher and I said I'm going to sign that paper right now that says I was here for all four hours of class. And she looked at me and handed me the paper and I signed it. I said when I get a phone call and I have to leave tonight, you don't ask questions, you keep teaching. I'm like wow, okay, I guess that that's right, it just was pouring out of me. And I'm like okay. So before that all happened and I left, one police officer lingered around it. Police officer is Officer Dersha. There's a small connection here. His wife was a teacher for my second son and helped teach him how to break through his autism, how to write, how to communicate, how to draw, how to write, how to communicate, how to draw. So, teacher Dersha and her husband, officer Dersha, big influence in my life.

April Giauque: 1:00:49

And that night, when I'm ready to leave, he's the last one there. He hands me a card and he says are you running? Yes, so you must call this number first and tell him what you're doing, because if your husband posts bail tonight, he can call saying that you have kidnapped the kids and now I have to come after you. But if you call this number to the shelter, tell them what's happening, I don't have to come. Wow, so I don't watch a lot of CSI. I don't know, this is not high school classes, I don't know. Yes, I called, left the message and I go. Yes, I called, left the message, went to school, signed the paper. Now, what phone call was I waiting for? I was waiting for a phone call from the second counselor who was a bailiff at the county jail where my husband was going to be booked, and I knew his drug buddies would get him out and post that bail. And they did, and I got the call and I left and broke a lot of speed limits on the way. So I'm sorry, there's my confession.

April Giauque: 1:02:12

So I went from Murray to Layton in about 17 minutes. Oh, my gosh, a little too fast. Anyway, I arrived there, I turned off the lights parked in the driveway. I am not going to discuss this with anyone. I open up the door and like for the first time, like your eyes are open, right, I see a few more pinpoints of light. I open up this place, there's just spoiled milk. There's diapers on that. Like I'm like looking at this, like what happened? I don't know what happened and my kids are still wide awake.

April Giauque: 1:02:52

It's about 1030. No, I'm sorry, so it wasn't that late. It was about 830 because I had just left and I knew I had about eight minutes to get everybody before he showed up. So I'm like come here, we're going to go on a trip. Yeah, we're going to go. We're a swimming pool and we're going to have a vacation. And my oldest son is like, yeah, let's go. I'm like, okay, we need to put stuff in here and now we're going to pack this.

April Giauque: 1:03:22

And I was just as quiet as I could be and I said this is part of the game. Can you show me how quiet you can be? Yeah, so we tiptoed all around that apartment and I snuck out all the kids at a cooler with some food, I grabbed a few blankets, put some toys in a bag, grabbed some clothing, picked up my one girl who was asleep. She still had like a princess dress up clothing on and her daycare diaper. Still it's November, it's snowing, she has no shoes and we get her into the car and then I lift up my baby and buckle her in, I fold the pack and play, put that in and I start pushing out the van because I know if I fire it up I'm going to wake up my father-in-law because he knows I'm home but I haven't gone upstairs to have this discussion because we were going to talk.

April Giauque: 1:04:14

And so I hop in and I fire it up and there is banging on the hood of the van and I first it's my husband, it's not, it's my father-in-law screaming at me. We can work this out. And I pop it into reverse and he falls off the fan, pop it into drive and I drive around him and it was like Jesus, take the wheel, and I don't mean that in a silly way, it was really actually playing on the radio at that moment. But as the snow came down, we just took off and I called the bishop. The bishop had said do you have money? I said I have a little bit, because payday wasn't until two more weeks, and he helped me float some money to get a hotel, got a hotel and now now I'm in the cat and mouse game because I know he's going to be looking for us. So I drove and now my, my van becomes part of this cat and mouse game. I have to hide the van as best I can and it's snowing and I'm like it's okay, it's okay, I got this, I got this, I got this. And I didn't really mean, like me, I've got this. It was more like you know, we've got this right and so we come into the hotel. I'll show this little quick story.

April Giauque: 1:05:31

The clerk's name was Gloria and she and our eyes met. She didn't say anything. She offered a room. There was a Christmas tree, because it's the end of November. There were candy canes on the tree. She invited the kids to grab a candy cane and she helped us to our room, get the kids inside. And she unlocks the door and she, well, she unlocked the door to get the kids inside. And then she says are you running? And I'm like yes, and I just lost it. And she gave me this hug and she said you'll be safe on my watch.

April Giauque: 1:06:11

This woman and her strength match her name of Gloria. That was purposeful for sure. The next morning we wake up. We just keep a routine as much as possible. We stay and linger in libraries and this, that and the other, so that he cannot find us. Then we go back to the hotel and we swim and we do these things for three nights. On the third, let's see. On the fourth morning the Gloria comes to me and he says she says he was looking for you because I had given her a picture.

Scott Brandley: 1:06:44

And.

April Giauque: 1:06:47

I said thank you. We left, didn't return. I had a friend that we were able to stay in a basement and there's other places that we kind of cat and mouse for a month. Because at the moment that I left I'm like, okay, we're going to get an apartment. Like I had a plan. I just wasn't really well informed. I didn't know that you needed a credit score to get an apartment. I didn't know that there were, like what is it called? Waiting lists. So my clueless, I didn't know. I was making a plan that I didn't even know all of the parts to. But I was trying my best, put the name down on the waiting list. She's like, yeah, two, three months. And I'm like, okay, it's okay, we've got a van, we can live in the van. Like that's my head spinning. Like we have a cooler, we can do cereal, we can, and we can do sandwiches. Like I'm just making the plan we will survive this and we will not go back.

April Giauque: 1:07:40

And it in this week long of hiding with the cat and mouse and still showing up to school and I'm letting people know. And now I'm involved with the police and I'm getting a protective order and going to court, still teaching, still making it, still going to school, making it to my master, like I thought the story was good enough. Now there's even more parts. It's okay, we were kept safe. Heavenly father kept us safe. One more pinpoint of light just kept kept going. Okay, now we'll go here. Okay, now we'll go here. Okay, now we'll do this. And I will say and this comes from my great-great-grandmother it is an honor to know your Heavenly Father and His Son, jesus Christ, in your extremities. I'm not saying you have to have extremities to know them. They will not leave you when you're in them. And I just need to testify of that. Because those pin boys were amazing. It kept us safe, it kept us alive. We would meet with the right people at the right time. We got the protective order. We won all these things. That were just amazing.

April Giauque: 1:08:44

Putting the name on the waiting list probably wasn't going to come up until January or February. Going to come up until till January or February. We got in in two weeks and we moved things in. I had nothing because I was not going back to the apartment. My parents were allowed to go in and to get a few of their valuable things that were there they had to stay away that I had not seen my mother-in-law. I did not see my father-in-law other than the pounding on the van Like everything was such a torn rip. And then it's going through divorce proceedings and hiding and getting the apartment, all of these things happening, and requesting a divorce and him never showing up to court and paying an attorney on a teacher's wage and asking my family for help.

April Giauque: 1:09:31

And I'll share this little part. When we were, when we'd been running for a week, I knew where. My parents at the time were long haul truck drivers and they had a run from Utah to Georgia. It was a paper run. They'd pick up these huge, huge wheels of paper and it would go. They would take it from the mill and they would bring it back and it would be made into diapers, paper towels, toilet paper, all of these things.

April Giauque: 1:10:04

So I knew the best time to call my parents was when they were dry, almost to Georgia. If I called too soon they'd come back. If I called too soon they'd come back. If I called maybe here they might come back If they're already there picking it up. I knew they had at least four days before they got back. So I called them and I shared with them the information and I asked them can't I ask my dad if he could be the priesthood leader for our family now and if we could build a home together? I said, just think about that, because we had built a home for them that had put them into horrendous debt. It was a big ask at the moment. I asked, asked, and my poor mom, what's happening? What's happening? Go to the home, go. I'm like no, he will find us and I don't want to become that new story no right so, um, do you guys have any questions for me?

April Giauque: 1:11:05

because I just have a little bit and we're almost finished so many, but I just want to keep listening.

Scott Brandley: 1:11:10

So I feel like I'm watching a tv show, like I'm not I know like my heart is just like so in it so he's still trying to find us um.

April Giauque: 1:11:25

One time he did try to break into the apartment and we had um, prayed and asked for the spirits of the 2000s stripling warriors to stand guard by our home. I know it sounds kind of silly, but it was so powerful at the moment I mean it still is, obviously and I just imagined them, probably in some freiburg painting, standing outside the window and they were going to be okay. What was so interesting about all of this? And I skipped over it or maybe just purposely saved it till now, when I was praying to know if I was going to divorce. I was living in that basement apartment again, it was so dark and I just had a few pinpoints. I remember really specifically the Lord saying I was asking, asking how can you help? How? What are we going to do? Help, help, help, help. Like how who can help him? And I got chided a little bit and he said you are not a savior, that's my son's job. Wow, that hurts a little bit. So I didn't realize that was how my my prayers were coming across like that. So when I got that warning, it was like he's my son too and shrunk the world really fast and I was able to let go because I knew that my first husband someone, had his back, even though it looked really different and it looked like we'd fallen off lots of cliffs. But he said I have him too. So I just let go and that's why all these things just tumbled into place. I firmly believe that, because I was probably part of the problem, because I was trying so hard and I don't fault myself now and so I, you know, no one has to call and say, well, you should go to counseling, I'm good now. I've had lots of in-depth reflection on this, almost 18 years worth. Now know that you follow those pinpoints. You follow that light and that hope wherever, because it was given in the moment and the amount that I could help me to see around corners, that's all I needed at the time. I didn't need to have the big floods up, because I probably would have gone crazy. Very true about that statement. So we continued. We got the apartment, we were safe and life continued. Eventually, my parents and I, we built a home. We moved into that home and raised five beautiful kids there and, to give a little bit of a spoiler alert, I'm married again, and that's more pinpoints.

April Giauque: 1:14:39

One happened when I was actually lecturing at an autism conference. My oldest son fell and broke his arm in such a way that he was going to lose his arm because of how it was broken. And they were trying to reach me and it was just terrible. And again I find myself driving in a snowstorm in Utah to try and race to the hospital and get there to save my son's life. And I remember screaming in my prayer Not very, it wasn't fairly reverent, I was like screaming in my prayer. I wasn't fairly reverent, I was like screaming in my prayer.

April Giauque: 1:15:22

I'm like I can't do this alone anymore. I knew as soon as I said that I was like I'm going to take that back because that means I'm going to start dating. How am I going to do it? I'm not. I'm, oh, yeah, me showing up with these five. Hey, look at this package deal. Yeah, you know. Oh, no, a little crazy.

April Giauque: 1:15:37

So, anyway, there was one amazing and I can point behind this wall Amazing, amazing man. His name is Scott, scott, great name. And, uh, we met online. Yes, it was alias, planet, whatever, whatever it is. We started dating and he accepted those five as his own and we were able to get married. I was able to cancel. Well, I asked for our ceiling to be canceled for my first husband and it was granted. And a week before our wedding it was given. So we frantically called which temple was open. And the Bountiful Temple had an opening and we grabbed that. And it was on the same day that we were going to be married civilly. So we called everybody, change of plans, change of venue, great venue. It was amazing. And we got married and then soon found out oh, we're going to have number six and she was born deaf, my daughter's born deaf, and I'm like I just short story she was the best baby she slept through everything and my home is like crazy and I'm like, oh y, gotta have number six.

April Giauque: 1:16:56

She's the best. She was born on st patrick's day. I'm like lucky charm, look at her. And then I'm washing dishes one day and these dishes crash to the floor and she doesn't flutter, blink, flinch, nothing. She's six weeks old and I'm like banging the pop behind her head. Anything, anything, anything, no, flutter, no blinking. I'm like, well, we're going to go test this out. So we tested her. Yep, deaf. Okay. So I'm like, well, you learn sign language. So I went back to my sign language days you ready for it, days, you ready for it.

April Giauque: 1:17:29

Here it is, sesame street with Linda. I know a C, that's all I know. So it was a crash course in learning and she just been a delight. And then number seven came, who's just jabber, jabber, jabber mouth he was. He was born talking. Number eight born deaf and with autism. Oh, so I, I knew. I'm like, oh, I know this, how do I do it when they're okay? So I had to learn a little bit more.

April Giauque: 1:18:02

On the number nine, a scott jr. He's not deaf, hey, I don't think he has autism, hey, I don't know, just kind of a normal family. So here we are. So my oldest son not husband, my oldest son got married last September and so now we're just watching new things happening. And I will say my older five, they've been through it for sure, but they are still strong and you know just lots of love and they're amazing people, amazing people. I love my kids and now we've got well five, still at home she's in college but living at home and the last of the four little ones. So we go from age 25 to nine Sorry, 25 to nine, and that's kind of family. So my husband is amazing, celebrated our 15th anniversary, went through kind of a sick spell for a few minutes, but he's back and all is better. Now.

April Giauque: 1:19:11

More pinpoints of hope. And how I close out my book is I kind of share a little bit about that story and about a move that we made with our family. And after writing that first book I wrote it. My pinpoints, pinpoints of light, escaping the abyss of abuse, in a way that very similar to how I shared the story. Just, I wanted you to feel and experience what I experienced, because how can you understand it unless you live through it? So I just wrote it as that feeling. And then my second book, out of Darkness, kind of explains what I learned. I didn't want to interrupt the story with my learns and so I wrote the second book.

April Giauque: 1:19:57

Wow, and the point is that there was always hope, there was always light. It's always given through Christ and through Heavenly Father. If you follow the Spirit and the promptings they come from them, if you follow the prophet, you follow what your scriptures say and you do your basics, you pray, pay your tithing, go to church, you attend the temple. The strength that happens with that is more than what anyone out there can promise. And I will say this staying, staying on the good ship Zion and watching the chaos happen all around you and watching people that you love jump off that ship you know, metaphorically speaking jump off and wonder why they can't make it back, like no, stay on the ship. Look who's the captain. He's like right here, christ is right here, stay here, don't look for other things. It'll it'll take you and it's so hard to come back. But it can happen. I know you've had many stories that it can. But if you're there, like trying to lean over the boat, think well, maybe that's a better place here to tell you it's not stay on the boat.

April Giauque: 1:21:27

So I know it's kind of a plea, but where I come in with boats and lights I notice these lighthouses. And the last thing I'll share is that a lighthouse has one candle power, so there's one candle. How far can you see with one candle? Casts a glow just a few feet in front of you. When you put it with cut and reflective mirrors and lenses, it can concentrate and amplify that light up to 20 miles from one candle.

April Giauque: 1:22:15

Now I know a common thing is that if we all join together our lights grow, which is true. But I really think that we are more of a mirror or a lens when we approach another's light and our lens reflects and refracts that light and amplifies it towards others. So I really think that in that idea of the lighthouse, the lighthouse is in a firm foundation and as christ beckoning the boats to come home to the safe harbor, and as we do, we add our lenses and more amplification can happen as we serve and love each other. So as those pinpoints out in the darkest night from a lighthouse, as you come closer to that, the pinpoint becomes a ray, becomes a beam, becomes a beam, becomes a beacon and you know you're in safe harbors, so I just wanted to close with that.

Scott Brandley: 1:23:18

Wow, wow.

Alisha Coakley: 1:23:21

Oh, my gosh, this was so, oh, I'm absolutely in awe of you. For number one, just the things that you were able to make it through with the faith that you had and when you had every reason to stop believing and to stop trying. The fact that you didn't and that you held close to the savior like, of course, your children are going to be amazing. You know, like you are the ultimate mother. I just think it is so phenomenal and so inspiring to like be able to hear your story and to see how it is that you got through all of that and where you are now. I am. I'm curious what happened with your first husband. Did he just stop, you know, looking for you?

Scott Brandley: 1:24:12

I was going to ask that same question.

Alisha Coakley: 1:24:13

Yeah, are you still in fear of him Like where, where did that leave off?

April Giauque: 1:24:21

It's probably a whole nother podcast, but what I can summarize is that he was in constant trouble with the law, arrested, jailed on probation. Arrested, jailed on probation, constantly looking for us, came into the school one time the cameras caught him. He had violated the protective order, and so things like that continue to happen. We did have a cross-country move because of some of the other issues. I mean, there was a plethora of things. It wasn't just because he was still following us and then we had that move to Texas and then the move here to Idaho. In those moves and his decision-making with his probation officers, and just kind of slap on the wrist, he um, there's a whole writeup. I can share the whole story with you, with all the links, and KSL has the whole week long story on his reign of terror with 15 year old girls.

April Giauque: 1:25:25

He was looking for my daughters. It's a whole. It's a whole nother podcast. So, um, what we understand of right now my daughters it's a whole nother podcast. Wow. So what we understand of right now he's still in the state prison system. He gets out next April.

Alisha Coakley: 1:25:43

Oh, wow.

April Giauque: 1:25:44

So we just keep it safe. It's been a really nice five years Because I know where he's been. So his parents both passed. Now His stepbrothers and sisters I don't know if they're helping him, I don't know. There's a lot going on. I know that the Savior is with him, so I just leave it there and I hope and pray that one day he can find that light again in his life, because mental health is such a challenge and I know suffering with that but being dangerous it's an awful mixture. So that's where I know right now, as this podcast is going out.

Scott Brandley: 1:26:34

We'll see right now, as this podcast is, you know, going out. Let's see. So, do you? Is that how you kind of just live your life, just putting it in god's hands and having?

April Giauque: 1:26:42

they're pretty good hands to put it in, so I'm just gonna leave it there. Yeah, I mean, I mean, you know, just be aware, and I might my older five now, like you know, they're all adults now.

Scott Brandley: 1:26:56

No, that's true, it's a little bit different, right.

April Giauque: 1:27:00

And I my third. My third son is I. If he were to ever meet that man, I'm afraid that might become a news story.

Alisha Coakley: 1:27:16

So I mean, that's there's still hard things. But yeah, yeah, when you, when you said that you knew that, um, that you were going to be on a news story and you weren't going to be around to hear it, that just like I've never experienced that before, how did you process that, like knowing that you were like your life really was in danger, that you would have been killed, and just really knowing, like, how did you process that and be able to get you and your kids to safety?

April Giauque: 1:27:51

And be able to get you and your kids to safety. So it's like a lot of how I knew was what happened that night, and I didn't share that story because it's in the book. Okay, there was a lot of events that happened in that night that showed me what he was capable of. And that night was not the night that he was arrested at the school. It was on Sunday evening when I said I want to get a divorce, get a divorce, that all of these things happen. There were knives, there were guns involved Again, I just skipped that part. You have to read about that. So I knew what could happen. So I knew with the look, I'm like, hey, okay, we're out of time, that's okay, wow. So, and that's how I was like, okay, all right, you ready, and I'm not kidding.

April Giauque: 1:28:44

When I said the music was Jesus, take the wheel, I'm not, I'm not getting'm not getting, it was like, okay, where are we going? Oh, I guess we're going there, okay, and where we're staying for three, three nights, okay. And then we're gonna, oh, we're gonna live in a basement, okay, we're gonna go there for how many? Two nights, okay, then we're gonna go over here, okay. And I just followed that wow, wow. It's a really interesting way to live and you know there's there's intensities within a situation that when you're following that it's going to be okay. And you're okay Doesn't mean that you're going to be alive, doesn't mean that you're going to be dead. It's going to be okay. So you trust that until you go around the next corner, I'm okay, okay, go to the next, I'm still okay, okay, and if you're wanting to control anything, it's just let it go right there. That's a nice little dream.

Alisha Coakley: 1:29:55

And just trust your captain and go. So I'm curious, you know, having been through all of this, what would you say to someone else who's in a similar situation, who is married to someone who has a really extreme form of mental health issues that is dangerous for you and for your kids and stuff? What advice would you give them?

April Giauque: 1:30:17

Make an exit plan, find friends. The biggest thing that they do is they try to isolate you. I mean, I was in Huntsville with no gas in a car and a beautiful place with no neighbors one mile away from another. Isolation is the first thing. So do whatever you can to connect with people. Stay at church, connect up, share with those that will be part of your team. So I call it the supporters team, this supporting group that you have. Supporters part of them are maybe they're the only ones that can hold the backpack that has all of your stuff and your documents in it Great. Maybe there's another one that all you do is vent to and all they say is and they don't give advice. And if you have somebody that's part of your team that said you promised you were going to leave and then you came back, and then you leave and you came back, so I'm done. They're not good teammates.

April Giauque: 1:31:12

Think of it like this, like a first responder Anytime a firefighter comes into the house, he doesn't stop, put down the hose and say who started this fire, who did this? He goes in, does his job, saves the people, puts it out. The other group the investigators is going to find out that part, don't worry. If you are a first responder, which is the ultimate supporter, like Gloria was, like so many of my friends were at the you know the time that I needed it, like my family was you make an exit plan. Yes, part of that is separating out your money. Part of that is keeping a job. Part of that is if you have to involve yourself in a story so you can stay alive, that might be part of your exit plan.

April Giauque: 1:31:58

Don't think of yourself that you're in any control. Put it in God's hands, but still you have to take action. You can't just go. I guess it's God I'm taking that pair. No, you've got to be a part of this whole process and trust and trust is the thing that's most damaged. So it's hard. So I'm not going to say it's easy.

April Giauque: 1:32:20

But your exit plan is the first thing and setting out the ideas. If counseling can happen and work, great. But don't think that you're ever going back to the way it was. Remember my cycles. They will never go back because he's made different choices and has grown differently. You've had to make different choices and you've grown differently.

April Giauque: 1:32:45

So if you're stuck and holding on whatever it was for those first little bits. Stop, let it go. Look at the reality of what is when you have your hope of what was, write it down, cry it out, blow your nose and make your plan. If you need to cry it out again, push, pause, cry. I'm telling you, I was crying. I'm telling you people are depending on your life. You are depending on your life and it doesn't mean that everything is always dangerous. I'm not saying that. But you need to make a plan and the plan is also letting go, not saying at 845, this will happen, and then no, no, no. Your planning is who can be a part of my team that can show up when I need it. That's part of the plan. That's a first responder. There's firefighters. No, no. Your planning is who can be a part of my team that can show up when I need it. That's part of the plan. That's a first responder. There's firefighters. Police Officer Dersha for myself. Without that card, I wouldn't know what to do. Yeah, yeah.

Scott Brandley: 1:33:45

That was a miracle that he had that card right then.

Alisha Coakley: 1:33:50

Yeah, for sure.

April Giauque: 1:33:51

What's so cool about that is four years ago. Three years ago, I was at a conference talking about this story and I was sharing a little bit with a police officer from North Salt Lake and she's like, oh my gosh, that's so cool. That's so cool. We left it there. I'm getting ready, I'm setting it up. All of a sudden, who comes into the conference? Officer Dershowitz. She had called him. He left what he was doing, came down. At that point it had been 16 years since that night.

Scott Brandley: 1:34:23

He's like.

April Giauque: 1:34:23

I never know what happens after that. I'm like, oh, I lived. And I like flip through the book. I'm like, look, you're on page here and here.

Alisha Coakley: 1:34:31

I didn't know his.

April Giauque: 1:34:31

I didn't put his name in there, yeah, but I'm like the officer, so it was amazing it was. I mean it's amazing, so yeah.

Alisha Coakley: 1:34:41

That's phenomenal.

Scott Brandley: 1:34:44

Very cool. Oh, man Staying on the boat. Um, I've had close friends and even family that didn't stay on the boat, and some of my kids and I've even seen like friends, really good friends from my teenage years that were super active and they left.

Scott Brandley: 1:35:07

they kind of went off on other paths. And then I met up with some of them later in life and their kids never grew up in the gospel and it's incredible that just one generation can make such a huge difference. So I have to say that it's amazing that you stayed on the boat after everything you've been through one, but um also that you've managed to keep your, your family, in the gospel through it all, like just you're amazing well, not everyone's still in the gospel, but I'm watching them.

Scott Brandley: 1:35:49

I'm watching them and I'm watching them and that's okay. At least they know. At least they know where the boat is. That is the truth.

April Giauque: 1:35:55

They know hey, the boat's right here, come on back.

Scott Brandley: 1:35:59

They know, and that's all I could do, because agency right Agency.

April Giauque: 1:36:05

And I think what's interesting you said you know I stayed on the boat. That's amazing. I knew who the captain was. I trust him, my savior. I mean, if I were to be offended by everything, it should have happened at the stake primary president who said please don't come back to church, or 10 Nazi. And I wasn't like, oh yeah, girl, I'm coming back in, in, I'm like I don't know how to handle that. Uh, jesus, I still need you. I'm coming back every Sunday. So I hope you can help her, because I got to be back here and maybe my mind is really strange that way, but the conviction was deep and I knew I never questioned. Why would I question my place of safety? Yeah, I thought about it.

Alisha Coakley: 1:36:57

Wow, oh man. So now here you are. You have your two books out. Where, where can we find those? Is it kind of everywhere, or do you have a specific link that you'd like for us to share?

April Giauque: 1:37:11

They're on Amazon. I can share those Amazon links with you. But yeah, go there and read through and everything is there.

Alisha Coakley: 1:37:21

Okay, perfect, we'll make sure that we put that in the description here, and then you also have a podcast. Do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

April Giauque: 1:37:29

Yes, I have the Beacon of Light podcast and that want to tell us a little bit about that. Yes, I am the beacon of light podcast and that is for authors anyone who is a published author that writes a story of hope and light, anything. It can be a religious book, it can be a business book, it can be a children's book. Whatever is going to bring hope and light that I'd love to chat out with you, and I have a Google form that they complete and then, once they're there, it's on there and I put it on the schedule. We go live every Tuesday night because I think that in life and in real life it's just going to happen.

April Giauque: 1:38:06

I don't do many recordings first, I just go live and I sign it out and they share about their book and it helps them to get the word out and more people will get their books and then they can go on more speaking things and it's just something to offer and amplify out more hope and light to the world. So they don't have to be members of the church. The only qualification is does your book? Will it uplift somebody? Does it give them some hope, some light, something to look forward to? And if that is qualify, come on in. So I know like people are like, oh well, what's your niche? Only for this? And that I'm like huh, you got hope and light. Come on, I'm going to be uplifted, so that's it.

Alisha Coakley: 1:38:47

Oh wow, that is. That's phenomenal, so cool.

Scott Brandley: 1:38:51

So is that beaconoflightcom, or what's the website they go to?

April Giauque: 1:38:57

So it's on YouTube. So Beacon of Light podcast, and then April Tribe Giauque Yep, that's how you say it, it's not how it's spelled, but, yep, you go there, you'll see it and it's just great. So I would love to have more subscribers, of course, because we just can amplify more stories out there. And, um, it's just a way to share that we all believe in something higher than ourselves and when we connect with other people from other Christian religions, they're all surprised Like you believe in the same Jesus. I'm like it's all good. So come and share your hope and light. And again, it doesn't have to be religious, it doesn't. I've had business, I've had children's book. I mean whatever is going to bring some hope and light, come. If you were a pup, you do have to be a published author, can't be writing the book, it's got to be published where we can go and send them.

Alisha Coakley: 1:39:52

But yeah, Gotcha, that's awesome, all right, well, april, this has just been so great to have you on the show, to hear you know a part of your story. Right, we have so much more in the book that we can learn about and read about, and we really are so grateful to you to grateful to you for reaching out to us and for coming on our show and for writing your story, for sharing your story, for sharing other light I know that's, of course, one of the main things that we focus on here at Latter-day Lights, of course is just sharing light, and so I think it's amazing that you, um, that you're doing that all on your own and you make me tired, I have to say. I don't know when you rest, but you make me very tired with nine kids and book tours and learning sign language and, and you know, working with, uh, special needs children. It's just I don't know how you have so much energy, but I am so glad that you do, because this has been great.

Scott Brandley: 1:40:59

Yeah, you're an inspiration, for sure.

April Giauque: 1:41:02

Well, thank you, he put it in, so might as well amplify it out, right?

Alisha Coakley: 1:41:07

I love it. I love it All right Well to all of our listeners. Thank you guys so much for tuning in today to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We really hope that you guys will comment on this show, let April know what your thoughts are about her story and the way that she's inspired you. We would love for you guys to support her as well.

Alisha Coakley: 1:41:30

Go pick up both of her books, um, go check out her podcast. Share, share, share. Do that five second missionary work, click that share button and make sure that this story gets out to others who desperately, um, need bits and pieces of what it is that that April talked with us today about. And remember, if you guys have a story to share, if you want to share some light here on latter-day lights, or even if you want to, uh, go on to april's podcast too, go ahead and send us an email at latterdaylights, at gmailcom, or you can head over to our website, latterdaylightscom, and there's a form at the bottom of the page that you can fill out and you can get in touch with us.

Scott Brandley: 1:42:13

Yeah, Thanks again, April, and thanks everyone for tuning in and we will talk to you next Sunday with another story. Take care.

April Giauque: 1:42:24

Bye everyone, Thank you.