LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Love, Loss, and the Promised Blessing of an Eternal Family: Angel Coates' Story - Latter-Day Lights
In this episode, Angel Coates shares the heartbreaking loss of losing her husband to a tragic car accident, and how her and her family were able to lean on their knowledge of the gospel and the promise of eternal families to give them peace.
Angel also shares how, through this difficult experience she's been able to provide additional comfort and hope to others who are also struggling with various types of loss.
*** Please SHARE Angel's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/yxD0CxAMWTw
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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Hi everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley:And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode we're going to hear how a young widow, despite facing darkness, despair and depression, is learning to let hope guide her path. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our guest, angel Coates. Angel, how are you today?
Angel Coates:I'm doing great. How are you?
Scott Brandley:I'm great.
Alisha Coakley:So good. You look absolutely adorable in your hat and with your little background. I just, I love it so much. It just makes me smile. I wish I could pull off hats.
Angel Coates:I feel like I feel like I just look like a boy Whenever I put a hat on. I just look like a boy, you need the right hat.
Alisha Coakley:The right hat. You think so you need the right hat. I'll just have to keep trying, I guess I don't know. Well, you look fantastic and I love it. I think it just like not only do you have just a beautiful and sad story, but it is one that, like I just watch you and I'm in awe. I see your progress, I see the way that you're going through all of these challenges, and just the light that you're bringing to your situation has, honestly, just touched my own life and my own heart the last little bit, and so I'm very much looking forward to being able to share your story here today with others, because I think that it's very, very needed. But before we get into all of that, angel, why don't you tell everyone a little bit about yourself?
Angel Coates:Sure, so my name is Angel Coates and I am in Northeast Louisiana, and so currently I am the owner of DIY Joyful Creations, which is an arts and crafts and entertainment studio here in my area where people come from all walks of life. We even have creative wellness. So my thing here is that, regardless of age or stage in your life, there's something for you, whether it's painting on canvas or watercolor or making a wreath. You know, we try to make sure that everyone has an opportunity to create. But I also have two daughters. One is 18 and the other is 23. And so they both are trying to figure out what they want to do. My 23-year-old recently changed her major from pre-med to psychology, and my 18-year-old, after my husband passed last year, instead of diving right from high school into college, has waited, so she's not going to be starting college until probably this fall, and she's still I'm like, hey, first year's prerequisite. So just just start. Just get started, yeah, yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, Very cool, and you and I we actually for our listeners. We met in Florida. Yes, we knew each other back then. Well, I don't even know how many years ago that was.
Angel Coates:I probably don't want to age us by saying you were in the young women's program when I first met you.
Alisha Coakley:I was, I was, so that's a minute or two ago.
Angel Coates:It's a little bit of time, a little it's a little bit of time, a little bit 20 something year, I don't. Is that that's right? Yep, okay, florida for 11 years and then I've been home in Louisiana for 14, so we're talking like 24 years. That when we first moved there and Fort Myers was our first ward and you were there, yeah yeah, and I remember just falling in love with you.
Alisha Coakley:then, like I, I, you know what it is like of the. Of course, other than your glowing personality, it's the accent. It is that Southern drawl. I love it so much and you know what's. You know it's so sad. I moved to Texas thinking everyone would sound like you, angel, and like this many people do. I'm like what I feel so deceived True Southerners.
Angel Coates:we can tell what area you're from by your accent. So my Louisiana accent from Northeast Louisiana is very different than if you go to Central or North Louisiana. Arkansas sounds very different from Texas. Texas has a little bit more of a twang like this, louisiana has more of a. In my area we have the refined lady. We have the refined lady.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, the bless your hearts.
Angel Coates:Yeah, we have. So every area that you're from we can. We can be talking to someone and be like they're from you know, they're from Calhoun or they're from Eris or they're from this. Like we can pinpoint, you know where they're from based on their accent here in the.
Alisha Coakley:South. It's kind of interesting.
Angel Coates:Yeah, that's funny.
Alisha Coakley:Scott, can you guys do that? You Canadian born folk, you can't no.
Scott Brandley:I mean, unless you speak French, then we know you're from Quebec. But other than that, that, that's pretty much the same.
Angel Coates:You're mixing your french and english. We know you're from new orleans or around here, so we're laughing.
Alisha Coakley:There you go, laugh yet is that how you say it, laugh. Yet I always thought it was lafayette if you're from here, it's lafayette.
Angel Coates:The way you say it is Lafayette.
Alisha Coakley:Lafayette. Okay, yeah. Well, I guess I wouldn't be able to infiltrate anyone. They would know. Well that's interesting. Bless your heart, awesome. Well, miss Angel, let's go ahead and turn the time over to you. Why don't you go ahead and tell us where your story begins?
Angel Coates:Okay. So my husband and I actually went to the same high school but we didn't know each other because I'm two years older than he is and I also skipped my senior year, so as far as grades go I was like three years ahead of him. So when I met him later on in life at a restaurant when I was in grad school, I kind of recognized him, like he seemed familiar to me, because, you know, the last time I saw him I just knew him as some goofy freshman that was running around being immature in a hallway, never knew his name, didn't know of him, just I just goofy kid freshman from when I was in high school. And so he really pursued me hard and made his intentions known very quickly that he was interested in me romantically and I was just like no, not not going there. And I friend zoned him pretty hard.
Angel Coates:At the beginning I had come out of a relationship with another LDS member and it did not end well and I was just like just not ready for a relationship and he just had, he was just not hearing it and so he played the card of like that's okay, we'll just be friends. And so I think that was his diabolical plan was to just become the very best friend and just eventually make me fall in love with him, which obviously it worked. So, yeah, so it's funny because he actually ended up having a girlfriend while we were in the friend zone and I helped him plan a date with her. And I'll never forget it was when the Titanic was out, and so we went to Walmart and I was like, okay, so here's a cat, you know, get her this new um, uh, you know CD that's got the songs on it, cause you know, the songs from Titanic are huge and you know, and so I'm helping him like plan this out.
Angel Coates:And so then he off, he goes because, um, his girlfriend at the time went to uh, a college in Texas, so he had to leave and travel there, and so he was gone for two days. And the whole time he was gone like I kept wanting to talk to him because he had become like a really close friend, and then the realization struck. I was like, oh man, I'm in trouble.
Alisha Coakley:What did I do?
Angel Coates:I kind of caught feelings from him and I just sent him into you know to go, you know, be this perfect boyfriend to this girl that he's wanting to date, you know, and yeah. So the whole plan was that, you know, on his way home he would call me and let me know when he got home that he was safe. And so he called me and I knew he was going to be calling me. Got home that he was safe, and so he called me and I knew he was going to be calling me late and I was up. He called like at 1am and so I faked like I had been asleep so I was like hello.
Alisha Coakley:You know, and he was like hey can I come over?
Angel Coates:And I was like it's 1am in the morning and he was like I know, I just need to talk to you and I was like, okay, so of course I get up and I'm like, all right, I can't look like I put on makeup for him to come over at 1 am in the morning. So I'm like you know, I'm trying to like, but you can't look like you've been asleep either. I can't look like I've been asleep either. So, like, brush my hair and I'm like where are my cute pajamas? You know, try to find your pajamas and everything Pinching your cheeks to get a little blush on there.
Angel Coates:You know, take the oil from the forehead, put it on as lip gloss. So he knocks on my door and you know, at this point it's like 1, 30 AM in the morning and I opened the door and he has roses in his hands and I'm like hello. And he's like hey, we need to talk. And I'm like, okay, he's like first of all, I have to tell you I did have a dozen roses, but it's not a dozen anymore because I haven't had to give a rose to a cop because he pulled me over for speeding and that was the way I got my speeding ticket is.
Angel Coates:I gave him some roses and I was like he's. And I said, well, I need to talk to you too. And he's like well, before you say anything else, I just need you to know this. I was like all right, he goes. I know you keep saying that we want that, that you only want to be friends. He was like but the whole time that I was with won't say her name, that I was with so-and-so, all I could do was think about you.
Angel Coates:In fact, I got in trouble because I talked about you, the whole time with her and I said well, I have something to tell you too. I think that we have moved from the friend zone, and the whole time you were gone I thought what a stupid mistake I've made, and so you know we hugged and all that good stuff, and literally from that day forward like our relationship began. And so we started our relationship in May of 98. By December we were engaged and then the following May, we were married oh yeah, that is such a sweet story.
Alisha Coakley:Oh my gosh, I had. I had no idea. I never even bothered to ask, so thank you for sharing that.
Angel Coates:Yeah, because we, because, since we went to the same high school, we knew a whole bunch of same friends and stuff and they were, just like you guys, never knew each other in high school. So it's kind of odd that you all, that you, ended up together. And so it was interesting because, like even his best friend throughout high school was one of my good friends in college and so we we had all of these different people that knew us, but we were never in the same place at the same time.
Alisha Coakley:And now you were a member was Jeremy. He was not.
Angel Coates:So I took a chance marrying a non-member. I was in a point in my life too where I was inactive, and so I had a dear friend who had moved from Louisiana to Utah and because there's not a whole lot of husband prospects here in the South, so everybody sort of kind of after high school goes to BYU or something like that so that they can find a spouse, but anyway. So she left on her journey to Utah and I'll never forget she actually flew here to meet with me to make for sure that that you know that I knew what I was doing. She was, it was a rescue mission. She was meeting with me to make sure that you know are you sure you want to do this?
Angel Coates:What if he doesn't convert later on, and all this kind of stuff. And I just and I talked to the girls about this all the time I said you know what? Mama took a chance, Like there was no, there was no promise that daddy was ever going to convert to the church or whatever. I took a chance and I was very, very blessed that it worked out. And so I say this because my girls being 18 and 23, they're at the age where they're wanting a forever person, they're trying to find their person, and I just don't want to hear that, Well, daddy wasn't a member and you married him, and so you know, I try to emphasize that there's nothing wrong with you know anyone of other faiths that you know believe in Christ. But you know it is a little different for a member when you're looking for a forever companion, because it's a difference between for till death, do you part, or for eternity, and so there's a little bit of a difference there. So I always, like you know, counsel with God first, you know, yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, it's hard. When I was in Young Women's as a leader, I remember telling the girls like I know that my story turned out okay, you know like I married a non-member exactly.
Angel Coates:I didn't know how much you would share with the audience, because I knew yes yes yeah we did.
Alisha Coakley:But but my first 13 years were not blissful. It was very hard. There were a lot of tears, a lot of fights and even now I think back and I'm like I don't know if I'd do it again, because it was really really hard those first 13 years. Maybe when I have 13 years of really really good underneath my belt, because we've only been married for 18 now, so I've got five years where it's been much better. But maybe then, maybe in the next 20 years, I'll look back and I'll be like I would definitely do it again. But right now I'm like I don't know if I'd want to. I don't know if I'd go through all that again because it was hard and John and, I'm assuming, jeremy too they were Christian, like they right, like they believed in God.
Angel Coates:So, yeah, jeremy was raised Baptist and had a. So was John, you know, had a testimony of Christ. Yeah, he was definitely raised that Mormons were bad, and so you know he converted. After five years of us being married, we actually went to John's baptism, did you, I think?
Alisha Coakley:so you came out to utah no, I was gonna say yeah, no, you, I think you're thinking of, uh, zach, you're thinking of zach's baptism, maybe, okay, okay, in florida, yeah, okay, so yeah but, um, yeah, so it was.
Angel Coates:it was five years, um, right before, yeah, he joined the church. Yeah, five years after us being married.
Scott Brandley:So how did that happen?
Angel Coates:Yeah, how did that happen? Ok, so it's a great story. So, Alisha, as you know, place was my husband was hired to manage the hot room at a reptile shop called Glades Herb at the time.
Angel Coates:And the hot room is basically the Venoms Reptiles. And so here in Louisiana he volunteered and worked for our local zoo in the reptile house when I met him, along with his job at the restaurant where we met, and so that's how we ended up in Florida was we honeymooned there. And then while we were on our honeymoon he had a job offer because part of our honeymoon was going to this reptile shop where he ordered a lot of animals from for the zoo. And so anyway, back to the baptism story. So we were living on a street called Moran, over Moran Drive, and at that time Jeremy was running his own reptile company called Exotic Gems Reptile.
Angel Coates:So we had about 500 snakes and amphibians and lizards at the time in the sunroom of our home and I saw the missionaries in our neighborhood and so I told him I said, look, I've seen the missionaries out biking in our neighborhood. I know that you've gone to church with me a couple of times and you just weren't feeling it. I said but these missionaries give up two years of their lives and it is hot because it was like a hot summer. It's like it is hot. So you be kind to them, you be nice to them, you invite them in, give them water. You know you do all the good things that you're supposed to and you know I'm not saying that you have to be baptized by them, but like you know you're going to be nice. And he was like I'm going to be nice, I'm like OK. So about it was probably two weeks later, so I guess they had just been working their way through all the homes or whatever.
Angel Coates:I came home and Jeremy is in the snake room and he's like cleaning cages or whatever and I'm in the, I'm in the kitchen making supper and we had this like little window between that we could talk through. And he was like, hey, babe, and I was like what he goes? I met the missionaries today. I said you did? I was like, were you nice to them? And he was like, yeah, I was nice to them. I was like, okay, he goes, I let them come in. And I gave him some water, like you told me to. It's like okay, he goes, yeah, they're going to come back on Tuesday. And I was like they are. And he goes yeah, they're going to come back on Tuesday and, um, and share a message with me. I know what that means, yeah, but bless his heart, he did not know what that means. So on the other side of the wall, I was like, and so I was like so what'd you talk about? And he was like not a whole lot.
Angel Coates:They mostly came in and were fascinated with the snakes, and so I showed them all the snakes and lizards and stuff.
Angel Coates:And so Heavenly Father sent us like the two most perfect missionaries, elder Morin and Elder Ewan, because they came in and they just friended Jeremy. They just became like they just were fascinated with, you know, this reptile man and they would just let him talk their ears off about snakes and reptiles and everything, and through this friendship and they would come and like volunteer and help him in the snake room, they just slowly converted him and then when it really picked up, it was quick and they just kept coming over and I would feed them. They gained like 20 pounds because I was feeding them red beans and rice and gumbo and fried chicken and everything else they had never eaten before and they were like, oh my gosh. So it didn't take long before he was really, you know, feeling the Holy Ghost prompting him to be baptized. And I'll never forget we were driving one day and he didn't cry but he was very soberly, said um, I'm afraid that my family is going to. You know, shun me.
Angel Coates:And I was like what's what's wrong? He goes. I know that it's right and that I need to get baptized.
Scott Brandley:Wow.
Angel Coates:And I was, like you know, at this point tearing up and he was like and I know my papa is going to disown me. I've been holding off making this decision but I realize now that I would rather be disowned than not be baptized. And his testimony from that day forward was just so strong and he got baptized and the first time that we went home to Louisiana for the holidays after being baptized, his, his papa grandfather, sat us down and and kind of started to grill Jeremy and I was so proud of Jeremy. Jeremy never raised his voice, never, never said anything disrespectful. He just said I know that Jesus Christ is the son of God and you raised me to believe in God and to believe in Jesus and we don't believe the same things anymore. He goes, but I know that this is true and I will answer any questions that you have for me. You can ask me anything you want.
Angel Coates:So we sat there and his grandfather, kind of you know, threw out several questions and Jeremy answered the questions you know, to the best of his abilities and you know, after that it was fine, we weren't disowned and at no point did his grandfather ever come out and say if you ever join that church you're going to be disowned or anything like that. I think it was just the stigma of feeling like because we knew. You know people in the South do have very strong feelings about LDS. There's just that idea that if you kind of leave your religious background or your religious family, that your family you know is going to not accept you anymore, and so to this day, I'm so proud of him that he did what he knew was right and he made that choice. That's awesome, yeah, this day.
Angel Coates:I'm so proud of him that he he did what he knew was right and he made that choice. That's awesome, yeah, cause he was risking losing everything, but he was willing to lose everything to to, to gain salvation, to gain eternity.
Alisha Coakley:You know what I think it's funny is? I think well, not funny, haha, but just interesting, I guess is is is there's a writer, andy Andrews. I don't know if you've ever read any of his stuff, but he is fantastic and I love him so much. My favorite book of his is called the Traveler's Gift, and one of the things that he says and I can't remember if it's that book or another book, but he says worry is just imagination used in an uncreative way or an unproductive way. And I love that so much because I feel like that's what we do when we start worrying, right, like we start creating these really unproductive scenarios of what's going to happen, you know. And so, with Jeremy, he could be worried that he's going to get disowned and all this horrible stuff is going to happen, and I do think that Satan plays a part in you know, whispering in our ear and telling us that, oh, this is going to happen.
Alisha Coakley:And I do think that Satan plays a part in whispering in our ear and telling us, oh, this is going to happen and that's going to happen.
Alisha Coakley:But I've been telling my kids for the last few years. I'm like you don't get to decide how someone else is going to react, so don't even imagine how they're going to react. You just stand your ground and you do what you know is right and let the other people that it affects decide how they're going to react to that, because you don't know where they're at in their life, you don't know where the spirit is at in their life, you don't know what they're thinking or feeling or any of that kind of stuff. So don't even worry about it, right, like, don't even go down that rabbit hole of negativity, because it could all end up great and even if it doesn't right in the beginning, it's okay, because you still don't know what's going to happen later on, you know so that's awesome, that he just yep, did what he felt was right so how was the relationship between him and his family after that point?
Angel Coates:his relationship between he and his family were good, um, so he and his family depend on which side um have always had, um trying to think how to explain it. So his grandfather was not the most um like warm person to, to just embrace you and hug you and touchy, feely type person, but he was one that um, through other types of acts of kindness, you knew that he loved you and so at no point were there ever words shared like you know, it's fine or it's okay. It was just, he just let it be. You know, and so you know, knowing that it was it was fine, he let it be and his he's all.
Angel Coates:My husband always had a really strong relationship with his grandmother and so you know she was always like, as long as you believe in God, you know we do believe different, but you know it's very important that you know that you believe in God, that you know Jesus is real for you and same for his mom. You know, I think they were concerned at first because there's not a lot of understanding about what a Latter-day Saint does believe in. But I think they know and trust Jeremy and know that he was not going to do anything or believe in anything that was going to deny Christ in any way, and so they trusted him. They trusted his judgment that you know he was doing what was right for him. That's beautiful.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, so. So take us to you know, okay, now he's, now he's baptized, what does life look like for you guys? You know, how does that help, help or complicate the relationship even, cause I know sometimes it can be complicated, right, cause then you're like, wait a minute, what do we do with this?
Angel Coates:right. So, of course, because I had been inactive when I started going back to church, when, you know, the missionaries started getting involved with Jeremy, and so there were things that I needed to go see the bishop about for the time that I was inactive, that I needed to go see the bishop about, for the time that I was inactive, that I needed to talk to him about. And I remember telling Jeremy you know, I need to go see the bishop and talk to him about some things, and he was like why can't you know, why can't you just, you know, say I'm sorry, god, and like repent, or whatever. I was like, well, there's some things that you know you need the guidance of leadership on, and so I need to go see the bishop. And I'll never forget, I was so worked up overseeing the bishop and Jeremy was waiting for me out in the hall and when I was meeting with the bishop and kind of confessing all these things that I had done, I got to a point where, like I was almost throwing up and everything and um, and it was Bishop wins and he was like he was like sister, cause I'm like heaving, and like I was like he was like sister you gotta listen to me.
Angel Coates:He goes um, you have put yourself through so much and at this point God needs you to forgive yourself.
Angel Coates:You know he's like but you, you know, you, you have put yourself through a lot, going through this repentance process, and so, you know, a lot of things that we talked about, of course, are private, I won't share that here, but when I left the bishop's office, I felt like this elephant had been sitting on my chest, had now, you know, was released. I just felt like this huge burden was lifted and I'll never forget. When I come out, jeremy was like so, you know, and I'm like, my nose was swollen, my eyes were swollen shut and he was just like what is wrong with you? And uh, and I was like it's good, I'm going to be good, it's all good. And he was like okay, you know. And so, from that point, mike, with him getting baptized and me, you know, seeing the Bishop and being relieved and going through that repentance process, we both were like on on the path of, you know, temple, marriage and everything we went through a temple prep class, and we're really excited about that.
Angel Coates:And that was back when you needed to wait at least a year. So since he had we had, you know, said marriage vows, we had had already been married for five years and so, since he was a new, recently baptized, we had to wait a year for us to go to the temple. So during that time, I ended up getting pregnant with our first and only baby. We had been trying but we just weren't blessed. And then, all of a sudden, these blessings started happening. We got blessed and I got pregnant and we were trying so hard to go to the temple before she was born while I was still pregnant, but I ended up being put on bed rest and so we didn't make it and I would cry and I was like but she's supposed, you know, I wanted her to be born under the covenant, you know, and all this kind of stuff. And, and Jeremy was like we're going to go, you know we're going to go, it's going to be okay, you know. And so we did, and it was just an amazing experience to go to the temple with, you know, jeremy, and and and our little Faith when we went. And then later on, um, when we adopted our oldest daughter, we had the opportunity to go back again through the sealing ordinance and have her sealed to us, and then Faith was there, as you know, I guess, in the sealing room.
Angel Coates:But, um, yeah, our life just changed in so many ways. It's not that, you know, everything was just roses and we were just lucky and everything was just wonderful and nothing bad happened. But because we had the guidance of the Holy Ghost and because we had Christ in our life, we were on that covenant path of things. I won't say we're easier, but we endured it well, because there's a difference between enduring something and enduring it well. You can endure something wide, knuckle your way through it, barely survive it, versus enduring it well, where you have your support system of Jesus Christ and you have your support system of your spouse with you, to where you feel invincible, like it doesn't matter, babe, we're going to make it Like, as long as we have each other, we got it. Yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, yeah, that is so cool, so okay, so take us, you know a little bit further, you guys, you end up moving from Florida. Like you're sealed together. This is before you adopted your oldest. Yes, you, you move out of Florida back to Louisiana, is that right?
Angel Coates:Yes, we moved back to Louisiana. So Faith at this time was five years old and she had started kindergarten and we received the news that my grandfather here in Louisiana was dying of some pretty progressive cancer. And my mom was like I'm just going to be honest with you, you know, it's just going to be months. And she called us in August and she was like I, you know, I don't think he's even going to make it to Christmas Cause. We were like well, we're going to come home for Christmas Cause we normally did. And she's like I don't, I don't think he's going to make it. So Jeremy and I we just started praying about the situation, like should we go early to go see him? And from prayer it went from going home to see him for a visit to actually moving home, because the realization set in that our daughter did not really know her family Because with us being in Florida, we had our church family but no biological family there. So she didn't even know who this grandfather was, that was dying and that was sad, like we felt bad that he was dying and she didn't even know who he was. And not only that, we experienced some things in the school that she was in that. I did not like that. I did not like what I was seeing there and we longed for that sort of small town feel of you know, with the kids being able to play with their cousins on the weekends and going over and spending the night at my mom's house and and have all the things that we did as kids growing up that were in Fort Myers. We just, we didn't have those opportunities anymore and, um, so we made the decision to move back, even though we had a house and we had good jobs and stuff, and so we made it back on October the 27th and he passed. I think November the 14th, I think, is the day that he passed. So we were there for less than a month before he passed. And it was such a good decision for us to move home, not only a good decision for Jeremy and I, but also a good decision for Faith and our girls. And of course, we would have never met our oldest daughter, isabella, had we not moved home. And so definitely know that. You know, moving home was the right move for us and it was inspired by God for us to do that. So that's how we ended up here in Louisiana.
Angel Coates:Moving back was, you know, just the being close to family. And through that experience you know we stayed in church. Of course, once Jeremy was baptized, he never wavered. So there was never a period of inactivity for Jeremy. There was never a time where he stopped going to church. There's never a time where he was like I don't think I want to do this anymore. He was like I don't think I want to do this anymore. He was kind of. In fact, before he died he sent me a text message that sort of got on to me the weekend because he died on a Monday. I skipped church that Sunday before he died on Monday because I wasn't feeling good and he tried to be about it. He was like we have experienced all these blessings and you couldn't go to church today and I was like babe.
Angel Coates:I was a night before, you know, but he was just, he was very adamant. Like you go to church and you know the kids go to church with you. That doesn't mean that you know we were always consistent with you, know family, home evening and prayer and scripture reading and all that stuff. But like church, yeah, we're going to church and everything.
Scott Brandley:But that's cool.
Angel Coates:So fast forwarding to sort of our life. So my background is in education, social services. You know I continued in my career path and working in education and then moving from the classroom teaching to administration to where I'm doing things more with compliance and grant writing and in the social service world and policy and procedure and things of that nature. And Jeremy, he had a career in finance.
Angel Coates:However, on the side we kind of had a side hustle where we started to breed miniature schnauzers and we were very successful at our little miniature project with our miniature schnauzers and we quickly grew to have a very good reputation within that community of dog breeders. And we had a friend who sold a dog to someone in California and they were in a conversation and she was saying, man, I wish we had some type of service conversation and she was saying, man, I wish we had some type of service where we could have someone drive our puppies that we sold to someone in California, new York, us being in Louisiana, that I could trust to deliver them, because I don't like putting them on an airplane and just sending them through an airplane to be picked up.
Angel Coates:And Jeremy was like, well, being the little entrepreneur that he is, he was like, well, what would you pay somebody who would do that? So they got into this conversation and she ended up hiring him to deliver this dog to someone in California. And then this other dog breeder contacted him and was like, hey, I heard that you're, like, you know, delivering dogs, um, you know, all over the United States and if you do that, then I can advertise outside the Louisiana, texas, arkansas, border outside if you're going to deliver dogs. And so like it just like progressively took off. Yeah.
Angel Coates:So he so pay attention to the dates here. So he. So pay attention to the dates here.
Angel Coates:So he quit his job as a loan officer in finance on February the 17th excuse me, february the 18th Because we opened the business Pet Taxi HQ and he had all these bookings lined up, okay, so he made his first run.
Angel Coates:He went to California, I think, north Carolina, and some other places. He came home and he brought a dog back with him. It was a giant Schnauzer who stayed with us for a week because while he was there getting one dog, he, like you know, corresponded routes to where he picked up another dog to deliver another place, but they weren't ready to just receive it until a week. So it stayed with us for a week and, um, he was just so excited because, like, business was just rolling in, like his calendar, he was just like calendaring after calendar calendar, I can't talk but um, so he had this perfect plan right. So the trip was Florida. He was going to Florida to deliver the giant schnauzer, picking up two miniature schnauzers there, then going to North Carolina to drop off two schnauzers, pick up two schnauzers there, north Carolina. He went to South Louisiana and slaughter, delivering two schnauzers there to then get one schnauzer to then take to our house, to wake up the next day to take to Texas.
Angel Coates:So it was quite you know a steady route, right, that's a lot, yeah. And so, jeremy, because he is who he is, he likes to save money, and so he was doing things like rather than getting in a hotel, he would like just do a pit stop at a visitor site or, you know, you know at a gas station or whatever. And he would sleep. It's hard to when you're traveling with dogs as well. Yeah, he did stay in a hotel one night. Between it was like a three day thing. So so the last night that I had with him was the night before my birthday. My birthday is February 24th. So, just to kind of get the dates right, february 18th was his last day as a loan officer. Okay, we're talking about the same year. Okay, so February the 18th, my birthday is February the 25th, so that the night before, on the 24th, we had dinner together because he was leaving the next day on my birthday to go on this route. Okay, all these deliveries, and so that morning on my birthday, we say goodbye and that's the last time I see him a lot. So he makes it to Florida, he makes it to North Carolina. He tells me on his way to North Louisiana, to South Louisiana, via text. I'm so tired, I'm so exhausted and I'm like you know, okay. So we're talking about what the plan is and I was like when you get to our our friend cause it was a friend that he was dropping the dogs off to us and when you get to her house, you sleep there Like you can sleep in their driveway, cause you've got an animal with you. So, like, sleep in their driveway, like just take it four hours, like, if you're that exhausted, just conk out, it's February, the weather is nice, it's not going to be hot, you don't even have to run the vehicle, and so that was the plan.
Angel Coates:So when he got there it was late and they're both talkers. So when he got there it was like a little after 1130 pm and I think they talked for two hours. In his mind he's probably thinking well, I'm kind of awake now because we've been talking to her for two hours. He's got a lot going on in his head. He's thinking home is only two and a half hours away, I can do this. And so he did not.
Angel Coates:He did not sleep. He did not sleep like he was supposed to, and so I got a text message at 1.40 am saying I'm heading home I was already in bed. I went to bed like at 10.30. And when I woke up that morning he was not there. I didn't think anything of it because I wasn't expecting him until the next day anyway, because he was supposed to stay the night there.
Angel Coates:When I looked at my phone and I saw that I had a text message from him at 1 40 AM. I also looked at life 360 because we have the life 360 app. It did not show crash detection and if it did, I didn't understand. I didn't notice it or whatever. But what I did notice is that he stopped in Mississippi, in Woodville, mississippi, at 2.32 am. So in my mind, what was I thinking? He got tired and he pulled over at a restaurant like he had been and was sleeping. So I did not call him because I didn't want to wake him up, because obviously he needed the rest. So I didn't call him. So I was like I'm going to just keep an eye on Life360. And if I see movement I'll call him and see how things are going. Or he'll call me when he wakes up and see how things are going, or he'll call me when he wakes up.
Angel Coates:So I get ready and Faith is getting ready for school, because this is in February, so she's still in school and she says goodbye to me and she leaves. But she comes back in after less than a minute and I'm like what's wrong? And she was like mama, there's, there's some policemen here. And I was like mama, there's, there's some policemen here. And I was like, oh no, the like. I got scared immediately that they were going to arrest me because, because Faith had gotten in a car accident a month prior and, with her being a minor, you have to go to court, like, appear before court or whatever. And even though I had put the date in my in my phone and everything, I started thinking that police were there because we had missed the court date. And I was like there's a bench worn out for me or whatever, because I'm responsible for it or whatever Like it. All these different scenarios were one of my mind, but none of it was ever that something was wrong with Jeremy.
Scott Brandley:Right.
Angel Coates:And so we go outside and I still didn't notice that they were troopers. I just knew that it was law enforcement. And so they were. They're very, you know, very professional and they verify my information. Are you Angel Coates? Yes, and you live at this address, yes, w. Are you angel coats? Yes, and you live at this address, yes. Wife of Jeremy coats? Yes, and like I was just kind of like, oh, my gosh, he's gotten himself in trouble.
Angel Coates:Was he speeding, you know? And so they were like there's been an accident. And I was like, oh no, you know, still, it just was not putting things together. And he was like we're sorry to tell you that he didn't make it. And I was like what do you mean? He didn't make it to the hospital. You know where is he? Do I need to go to the hospital? You said it was in Mississippi.
Angel Coates:And they're like, no, ma'am, you don't understand. He didn't make it, like he didn't make it to the hospital, he didn't survive the accident. And I was like what? And the sounds that came from my body, the wailing that came from my body, I have to say, were probably the scariest sounds I've ever made of pain in my life. And faith was there and of course we were crying and it is such a strange experience to receive news like that and not truly understand how to process it like that and not truly understand how to process it. And so, with my reaction because it was a very physical reaction as well they suggested we move inside the house. So inside the house, they explained that it looked like he fell asleep at the wheel. They said that no time there was. He did that there was no, with there being like no break. You know, there was no break marks or anything on the road that literally there was a curve in the road and he went straight. He just went airborne, flipped again, landed upside down and caught on fire.
Angel Coates:Oh my gosh when they said that I can't explain the panic that set in my heart, the panic that set in my heart. And then that young state trooper who gave me the information realized his mistake in not explaining that Jeremy died on impact that I in my mind thought my baby burned. He explained I don't know, he did have to tell me that the impact was so hard that when it flipped the second time, from the damage of the front of the vehicle that he came out of the vehicle. And because the car caught fire and he was near it, that being near the vehicle, that's the reason why that part of Jeremy burned in the accident. And so you know, I did not have to go to Mississippi to identify him. I was able to give description of his ring and send a picture of his ring. But, Alisha Scott, I have to say that there's nothing you can do to prepare to receive news like that, because you feel like I just saw him, I was just with him. I just saw him, I was just with him.
Angel Coates:And then you go through all of these emotions. I felt anger. I was so angry at him that he did not get the rest he needed, that he was supposed to sleep and he didn't do it. I was angry at myself that when he texted me at 1.40 am that I didn't wake up and say what are you doing? I was angry that he didn't call me and talk to me and say hey, baby, I'm sleepy, keep me up while I'm driving, because I made a dumb mistake and I decided to drive home anyway. Right, I was angry at the troopers for telling me that it happened.
Angel Coates:But then, once I was angry, then the guilt set in. I felt guilty that I felt angry. What kind of person that I got angry at? My husband, who is now gone for not getting the rest of the sleep that he needs. What kind of person you know doesn't stay up until they hear from their husband to make for sure that they are, you know, safe. And why didn't I say to him hey, you know, hey, it's late, aren't you going to stay? You know I just all these scenarios of like what, if, what, if, what, if I could have done this, I should have done that, and that right there can be, so it can destroy you, it can just send you into despair, because you just the emotions that you have, are just all over the place.
Angel Coates:And I had to then share that news with Isabella. We had to call Isabella and say, hey, babe, we need you to come over here. Well, faith did that. And then faith came and I shared that with her and Isabella was and still is that's our oldest daughter that we adopted. They had a very close bond with Isabella's background. Coming from the family life that she had, she finally had a forever family. She had the dad she never had. She had the family she never had. And here she was losing it all over again and finding out that this dad that she loved and adored and looked up to, that just loved and adored her, was gone. And it was like a sucker punch. Not that Faith didn't feel that, but I will say that Isabella and Jerry had a different kind of bond. You know, if you ask Faith, she says that I'm her person. If you ask Isabella, she's like Daddy's my person you know Right.
Angel Coates:And so it was just devastating. And then it was like so you're trying to balance the emotions of finding this out, and so within an hour of eight o'clock hitting, I had to call work and tell work. And of course, jeremy's very personable, you know, jeremy, everyone loves Jeremy.
Angel Coates:He is so funny and just personality central. When I told my boss on the phone, she broke down and wailed and cried and I was like I can't do this. I'm like how many more phone calls do I have to make From there? We had to go to Memaw's house because I mean, I told you at the beginning, memaw was a very special person in Jeremy's life and so Memaw's sort of like our family hub. Every Sunday we went to Memaw's house after church and we had lunch together, myself, my girls, memaw and his mama and his stepdad. That was just our tradition. And so of course she greeted us hey, angel. And I was like, hey, memaw. She saw our faces and she's like what's wrong? And I couldn't even speak. And she said where's Jeremy? And I just shook my head like this and she said, no, angel, don't tell me, don't tell me. And I said I'm so sorry, mimmo. And she just broke down and I said, oh, I called Rick, which is his stepdad. And I said, oh, I called Rick, which is his stepdad, and I said I need you to go pick up your wife face mom, I mean Jeremy's mom. I need you to pick her up and bring her here. And he said, angel, what's wrong? I said, rick, I just need you to go get her, bring her here. And so they already knew something was up and again.
Angel Coates:When they came in and they saw us all there and they could clearly see that we were upset, I had to say you know that we lost Jeremy. He fell asleep and from there I had to call my mom, I had to call my brother, I, I had to call my brother, I had to call his best friend, matt, that I told you that we were mutual friends with in high school. And those phone calls are the hardest phone calls I've ever had to make To hear other people's pain or to see their pain. When you tell them to deliver news like that is unreal and then it victimizes you over and over again because you have to say it over and over again. So, with Jeremy's wishes were to be cremated. So that's what we did.
Angel Coates:And his memorial he, you know he passed on received that news on Monday. His memorial was on Thursday. So many people came that there was a line outside the funeral, came, that there was a line outside the funeral home. They turned them away because there were not enough room for everyone there. His Boy Scout leaders came. His bus driver from when he was in first grade was there. His fourth grade teachers were there. He touched so many lives there, touched so many lives. There were so many people there that wanted to tell me funny stories about Jeremy and tell me about him and shake my hand and tell me, you know, about things that they experienced with him. And it was just a real impact that he had.
Angel Coates:Jeremy was a very um loving man. Um, we fostered children and, uh, we were no longer fostering children when he passed, but we were fostering and during the time that we were fostering, that was also when isabella came to live with us and, uh, that's when she and she was adopted. Soon after that, and we had been discussing, we were so excited about being empty nesters and getting rid of faith because she was our last kid and getting hurt. And we had all these plans, especially with his business taking off. And I knew I was getting laid off in May because we had another company taking over the company I work for and he was like babe, you could just work with me, we'll just travel, we're going to do all these things together and we just had so many plans.
Angel Coates:And it's interesting because you realize that and all my life I have heard and I've said bad things happen to good people all the time. You know you just never realize how bad it can get. You know, and at Jeremy's memorial I expressed to everyone there that my relationship with Jeremy was one that was for eternity. Because you have to understand, at the memorial there were members and non-members alike there. But I said you know Jeremy, I will not speak to him in past tense and say he was my soulmate, he was my husband. I said I am still married, I will still celebrate my anniversaries. He's just in a place right now. I'm stuck here while he's there, but Jeremy and I are married for all time and eternity and that surpasses death and he's my soulmate. And for those of you who are lucky enough in this lifetime to have that kind of connection with someone, cherish it Never. Take it for granted and understand that you cannot move through this life feeling like you always have tomorrow, because I have learned the hard way that tomorrow is never guaranteed. So whatever you got going on in your life, you know, get it right, because you know relationships are precious and you know it really.
Angel Coates:Christ was definitely carrying me through those first couple of weeks and I think that when you go through an experience like that, you have something to distract you. Like I had the memorial to plan, I had all these things that I had to call. I had to handle calling insurance companies. I had to call, you know the car insurance company and explain that you know the car insurance company explained that. You know the car was destroyed. I had to request records. I had to deal with the police department in two different states Mississippi and Louisiana since the accident happened in Woodville.
Angel Coates:And all these things are a distraction because you, you know, you focus on that and you have something to focus on. But then, after the memorial, when all that's done, you know now what? Now you're just left to think about it and I would go home to a house that has all his things in it and I would just despair. You know I had never understood people who had suicidal thoughts before and at no point was I one that was going to take my life. But I remember several times thinking, if I didn't have the gospel, if I didn't have Jesus Christ, I would be swallowed up in this and I would not be able to cope or deal with what I'm going through. I really can't cope and deal with what I'm going through now, but I have so much to live for with my girls and um and I really would just every day come home to this nothingness of just being by myself.
Angel Coates:And even though Faith was there for a time, she's moved out since but even though Faith was there for a time you know you can be surrounded by many people in the room, but still be lonely.
Angel Coates:Loneliness is not always a physical thing. Loneliness is a feeling and emotion, right, and I remember just crying out to the Lord and this happened in, I think, november Just crying out to the Lord out loud on one of the days that I was just having a really bad day and I was just like I just don't know what to do. I was asking him you know, heavenly Father, I don't want to feel like this anymore. When am I going to find joy and happiness again? Like how can I? You know, my best friend is gone. I started getting these impressions. I never heard a voice or anything. You know, crazy like that. That people would be like, oh, angel, you didn't experience that. But I just started getting these impressions to a point to where I grabbed my journal and I started writing things down and I would just ask questions and then just wait.
Angel Coates:And then I'd write, write, write and I was like Heavenly Father. And I was like Heavenly Father. I have not asked you the question of why, because I always have been like. I will never be one that says why, god, why, why did you take my husband from me? Because I know that God didn't take Jeremy from me. He allowed life to happen. Jeremy made some choices and the next natural consequences happened from those choices. But I did ask him what, what is my purpose now? What now? What do you want from me? What do I do now? How do I move forward? What do I do? What's my purpose?
Angel Coates:And when I go back and look at my journal entry on that day, my purpose was clear, was that I needed to take the experience that I have and connect with others who have experienced deep loss and trauma in their life and help them understand that, through Christ's infinite atonement, that, despite the despair and the darkness and the depression, that we can find hope again, that we can learn to move forward. Moving forward doesn't mean that you forget. It just means that you are able to put one foot in front of the other again and that you can start making progress in your life, with your mental health and stop feeling like you would rather die than keep going the next day, you know, because I realized that, although I was not suicidal, that I would have thoughts like if I were to receive some bad news, that something bad was going to happen to me, I wouldn't be that upset, you know, and that's a horrible thing to say. It was like I didn't have a death wish, but it was kind of like death became very different for me. It was like not scary anymore, and death is not scary to me anymore, um, the way that it used to be, because having having him on the other side makes death a little different.
Angel Coates:It doesn't mean that I'm rushing to die anytime soon, because, having finally found kind of some light again in my life, I realized that a heavenly father has plans for me, and I've been able to reach out to people and talk to them about loss, and I have learned that loss comes in so many different, different uh different ways. It's not always death. People experience loss through divorce and separation, through lately working not working with someone, but talking with someone who has basically lost a family member to dementia, because that person is no longer the same person. So they're mourning the person that they used to be, because they're no longer the same. Right yeah.
Angel Coates:But grief and loss does not have to be just lumped into just like losing someone to death. There's things worse than death Losing someone If. What if Jeremy did not die in that car accident? What if Jeremy did not die in that car accident? What if he survived? What if he survived that head on collision and couldn't walk or talk again? Right.
Angel Coates:And so I understand that it was merciful that the part that God did step in and help with was mercy that the part that God did step in and help with was mercy, and I realized that, you know, when we talk of God's grace, I think a lot of times people think that, oh, as long as you believe in Jesus, as long as you believe in God, god's grace is going to save you. Well, let's talk about that for a moment, okay, and uh, second, nephi, chapter 25, I believe it's verse 23. Nephi is talking to his people and he's talking about how he and his brothers, jacob and Joseph, have been preaching to the people and he's worried about them. He's like you know, they're not going to make it if they don't start making some changes. And he basically says that how blessed they are that they have God's grace in their life, but only after they've done all that they can. And so I have learned to have hope again and I've learned that I do have God's grace on my side when I've done all that I can.
Angel Coates:And I didn't understand grace before because I was like, well, I don't understand. Like, if we have grace, then what's all this? What's the word? You know, what's this life for? And it's because we're never going to reach 100% perfection, but let's say the percentage that I can get to here and doing all that I can is 75%, then 25% grace is going to fill the gap.
Angel Coates:For me, that's what grace is for is to fill the gaps when we've done all that we can. And how lucky we are to be able to have that hope again that our lives are going to be okay, that we're going to be able to overcome this, that Heavenly Father is there with us, that our Savior, jesus Christ. When he died for us, it wasn't just to atone for our sins, but he also felt our pains, our sickness, our temptations, our addictions, every illness. He has felt the loss. He has felt the deep grief, the depression. He has felt all those things that we feel because he is our perfect advocate and will advocate for us someday. Feel because he is our perfect advocate and will advocate for us someday, and knowing that is what gives me hope. I'm not quite a hundred percent at peace, but I'm getting there.
Angel Coates:You know, and if I can help other people understand that hope is not lost, then that's a good thing, because I realized that we have to experience despair and darkness to be able to appreciate happiness and joy. We can't recognize good if we don't understand bad.
Angel Coates:So, I do see that there's been some things because of Jeremy's death, that there's been things in our lives that, uh, I would hate to say this, but you know some blessings that have come from that. I wish I could change it, but I can't and I would never, never pull him back here because I know he's happy where he is. I would never deny him those blessings of him being where he is. I know that he is busy and he's doing a lot of good missionary work where he is and I'm proud of him and I hope he's proud of me.
Alisha Coakley:I bet he is. Yeah, you know I am one of the things that was just a really beautiful piece of information that I received after Zach died was when I went in the temple and I was doing initiatories Angry. By the way, like that anger is real. I was very angry, you know, but I was like initiatories angry by the way like that.
Alisha Coakley:Anger is real very, very angry, you know, but I was like I need to be somewhere, somewhere where I know that God is, even though I'm angry right now. And uh, and I, I remember there's a part in the initiatories. I hope it's okay for me to share this. I think I've shared it once before, but there's a promise that's given and in that promise, the gist of it is that when you're faithful, when you are wearing your garments properly, you're taking those covenants that you make in the temple seriously, seriously, that you have a shield and a protection until your work on earth is through. And it was in that moment that that was pointed out to me by a temple worker, and she didn't know what was going on. She, I mean I didn't tell her anything about my brother, but she, she said, isn't it beautiful to know that this can be our protection until our work is through? And it was. So I'm not going to say it made me feel good, but it gave me some direction, right, Like I was like, okay, I can rest, at least knowing that my brother's not missing out on something he was supposed to have experienced here, that anything else that he was supposed to experience he still gets to experience, just on the other side, and so it kind of made me feel like wow, like almost proud of my brother for having accomplished his work on this earth at such a young age and I think one that Jeremy is really proud of you and I think it's a beautiful thing that you can be really proud of him, knowing that he did what he was supposed to do and not that he's done, it's just anything else he has left to do can be done on that other side. And I also don't think it means that as soon as our work is done, that we're going to, you know, exit this life. But just knowing that we can kind of offers a little bit for me of a direction in knowing how to move forward, you know, with that enduring well kind of attitude and that mentality, and it's hard and it takes a really long time.
Alisha Coakley:It is not something I wouldn't even say in the first year or the first two years after death that you're going to, or after any big, huge life change, that you're going to just all of a sudden bounce back and be like everything's great and I'm okay. You know you're going to have a lot more good days. Everything's great and I'm okay, you know it, you're going to have a lot more good days, you're going to have a you know, a much better attitude and you're going to be able to function better. But it's not going to be perfect. You know, I don't know if it'll ever be perfect, because we're meant to be together, Right?
Alisha Coakley:You know not, not until we are back together. I don't know if we'll ever really fully feel that complete peace, without any pain kind of laced into it. But I love that. What you're doing is you're taking that pain and you're you're putting purpose into it that you're, you're letting, you're letting yourself stray away from the bitter angel that you could have been and into that better angel that you can be. Now you know that you're offering that light and that hope and that direction to others.
Alisha Coakley:So I want to ask you just about that real quick you know, before we, before we wrap up what, what are you doing to connect to others, you know, or what's your? Do you have a plan or are you just kind of just being available whenever something comes your way? How is that?
Angel Coates:Yeah. So it's interesting that you asked that, because that was one of the things that I asked God when I was having that moment of, like you know, asking questions and then like documenting my impressions. I was like, well, what does that look like? Are you expecting me to like create some kind of nonprofit? Like, what are your expectations here? I got a lot on my plate and it was really just kind of like no, you just need to be open.
Angel Coates:And it was interesting because within that week when I kind of had that eureka moment, when I had that guidance from the Holy Ghost, I had a couple of ladies come in here to the studio who would come and work on a project and would just open up and start talking to me about different things going on in their lives. And you know, one lady had lost her husband three years ago and another lady had another lady. She's been single for 40 years. She, she married young and divorced young and never remarried, and she's just lonely and they would just just come and talk. Just come and talk while they were working on their different projects or just fielding phone calls, listening to the spirit guide me.
Angel Coates:Who do I need to call today? Who needs to hear from me and I think a lot of it. You know, if God has a plan for me to speak in other capacity, because public speaking is one of my you know backgrounds and things like that and doing presentations and coaching and training. So I'm very comfortable with, you know, delivering messages even, like you know, via camera, like we're doing today. So should that come later on, great, but it's going to happen organically. It's not going to be something that I am out there actively trying to create some type of group or anything like that, unless God otherwise inspires me to do so. I think he just really wanted me to have my heart open and for me to heal myself, to put myself in a position to be able to help others when and if that happens, my oldest daughter go ahead.
Scott Brandley:That's what I was going to ask. How are your kids handling this?
Angel Coates:So we've been in therapy since Jeremy passed and there's been progress made. And Isabella, her major started off being. She's been in pre-med for a while. She recently changed it to psychology. She on her own, through Inspirations, has started a student organization on campus at the University of Louisiana for Monroe for students who are experiencing loss to help them have a safe place to be able to talk about their loss.
Angel Coates:She's going as far as trying to change policies at the university and universities across the United States to give students more time to grieve after a loss, so that it's not counting against them when they're missing classes and missing tests.
Angel Coates:She had a friend whose father passed about six months after Jeremy passed and he's an international student and she helped try to raise funds to get him home, because when you have a sudden loss like that many times our international students those families are putting all their money into sending their child to college. Something happens Now how's that student get home? And she's like there's just so many things that could be provided on campus that aren't that there's, you know, there's missing there, and so she has the attention of the leaders there at the university. She's putting together a student organization, getting it organized, and they're talking about doing a walk-a-thon for awareness. So she sort of has created a passion project and channeling that to sort of carry on Jeremy's you know Jeremy's legacy of kindness and so that's what she's she's been doing, and so Faith she, she's 18, but she met a young man at a young single adult conference and they seem to be hitting it off pretty well. So it looks like, you know, there may be an opportunity for a typical marriage for them and I'm excited for her for that.
Angel Coates:My girls are very different, so their paths are very different and so, um, but the thing is that we've all gone through different stages of healing and one of the things that, when I go back and look at my journal, that Heavenly Father revealed to me when I had that day of basically personal revelation, of basically personal revelation and I think I received this because of my girls, because they deal with grief differently and I deal with it differently is that everyone deals with grief differently and the tears that we shed, the amount of tears that we shed and the emotions that we show are not equivalent to the pain that we feel, or who's grieving more or who's grieving less or who's emotionally more invested. And I admit that in my life with going through this process, there's been times where I've talked to other people who tell me about things that they're going through and I'm thinking to myself how are they dealing with this? They must not have loved their husband as much as I love my husband if they're not reacting the way that I think that they should. And it's been a very humbling experience to understand that everyone deals differently.
Angel Coates:Some people are highly dramatic in the way that they respond to grief. Others keep it bottled up and move on and you wouldn't know that it was not just another day, but you don't know what's going on in their heart. You don't know what's going on inside their head, and so I've learned, you know, just to kind of take it to see people where they are and understand that I don't know everything.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah that, and we're human and we do things based on the best knowledge that we have at the time, right, and sometimes that knowledge it may not be that we didn't know better, it's just that we didn't think of it, you know, in that moment.
Alisha Coakley:And so we do things that can seem hurtful or can seem like we're trying to like we're disregarding another person's feelings or thoughts or their grief process or something like that, and in reality, it's just we're just trying to figure it out ourselves and, like you said, even if we've been through loss before, every loss is different. Every relationship is different. So you could have lost someone that you were really close to in one aspect and then lose someone else who you didn't think you were as close to, but all of a sudden you're like, wow, like they actually had a much bigger impact on my life and your grief can look so, so different. So it's never going to be the same, it's not going to be as easy and there's no shortcut to grief. That's what I've learned, definitely no, shortcut no you just got it.
Alisha Coakley:Like you said, you just got it, you're going to endure it one way or another.
Angel Coates:right. The decision is yours on how well you do that, how well you endure it. Jeremy's father passed December 28th of 2023. So we lost Jeremy and his dad in the same year, and then his grandmother, which was his father's mother, um recently passed.
Angel Coates:So there, so it's just been a lot of loss. Um, but I will. Um, I know that we're wrapping up, but I'm going to share one more experience with you that really was a turnaround point for me recently in um, in bringing hope back to my life. So I decided that for Jeremy's one year anniversary of his passing, that I was going to the temple. And so, uh, I went to Baton Rouge cause that's my nearest temple is in Baton Rouge and, uh, planned a ceiling session there and I really just wanted to sit in the celestial room and just pray.
Angel Coates:And, um, some experiences I will not share, but I will share one. I had been praying sincerely and a sweet lady that was in our ceiling session she came up to me and I was by myself praying and she bent down because I was sitting down and she was standing and she grabbed both my hands and she said sister, I know why you're here. I lost my husband last summer and you need to stop being so sad all the time because your husband has work to do on the other side and he's so distracted by you and he's so worried about you, my goodness, and you need to stop being so sad because he's okay, okay, and it was like what.
Scott Brandley:Wow.
Angel Coates:Yeah, I don't know her. I know her name now, but she said she knew I was there and she said that I had to stop being so sad because I was constantly calling Jeremy to me, Wow, and that he's distracted, that he's got a lot of work to do and he's trying to get it done but he's really worried about me and that he wants me to be okay because he's okay and that I left feeling like a new person. I left the temple feeling like a new person. I left the temple feel like a new person. I never doubted for a minute that Jeremy wasn't happy. I know he's happy. I mean, we're being where he is. You know he's happy. I know he's doing missionary work.
Angel Coates:But for her to tell me outright that I need to stop being so sad because, because you know it's going to be okay and that I'm distracting him, I was just like holy cow. It brought, it restored my hope and it did start to. That seed of peace has started inside my heart because I'm like this is real, like I know he's one of my attending angels and that he's there for me when I need him. I can't see him or anything, but I know I probably call to him more often than I should.
Angel Coates:Um, but to have her reaffirm that and let me know that lets me know that this life is so much bigger than just what's happening here on this earth, that there's things going on beyond this life. And that is hard and do like, listen to my heavenly father and do it, but think celestial, because if I don't do that I'm going to go crazy, because you know I have to. That's what brings me peace, Alisha and Scott, is. What brings me peace is to know that this is not it, Because what a sad life this would be if we thought this was all we get. You know, we're so blessed to have the knowledge that we have to know that, and I am so blessed to know that I'm going to be with Jeremy again. You know that's wonderful.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, I love that. I mean, my dad passed away a couple of years ago unexpectedly and I took it really well Surprisingly. I mean, me and my dad were super close but I took it well because of that knowledge of the gospel, like that. It just brought me peace right immediately and it stayed with me and I just, whenever I think about him, I'm sad that he's gone, but I just have peace, knowing that there's a plan and that we're going to be together again, absolutely.
Angel Coates:And it's that, and it's that peace that that my girls rely on, because you know it's going to be that peace when they graduate. It's going to be that peace when they're walking down the aisle or they're getting sealed and dad's not there. It's going to be that peace that gets them through to that next phase. Knowing that you know they've got him waiting for them and that you know that he's waiting on me, it continues to bring me hope every day. Knowing that I have I have that to look forward to. Covenants are so important. Covenants are so special. Weants are so special.
Angel Coates:we're so blessed yeah, for sure definitely I'm sorry that I like cried through half of this or made you cry you're good.
Alisha Coakley:You're good, I really appreciate it because, you know, I I knew bits and pieces of the story, but just not not being able to know all of it. Um, it really you know. I knew bits and pieces of the story, but just not being able to know all of it, it really, you know. Yes, it made me cry because some of it was really close to things that I, you know, experienced myself, but also it really left this feeling of hope in my own heart, of hope in my own heart, and I just really really appreciate you being vulnerable and coming on here and letting us know and sharing your beautiful story. I mean, gosh, you just had us cracking up the whole first half of the episode, so I guess it's only right that you had us crying during the last half, you know, because it is a really, really beautiful story and I do think that you and Jeremy, you guys, have something very, very special and very unique and very eternal, and I love seeing that and I love knowing that your story is not done with him, that you still have more chapters to write and it may look a little different for a while, but ultimately you're going to have every blessing and then some because of this marriage and because of the covenants that you guys made and because of the testimonies that you guys have really held on to and the people that you've been able to change and to touch in this life. So, thank you so much. I love you. I just I'm so, so happy that you came on here today and that you shared your story.
Alisha Coakley:And you know, if I can offer one little thing that I was kind of thinking of, maybe just not to disregard the example you gave, but just to offer a different perspective when you talked about grace and you talked about all we can do and then the percentages and stuff, I like to look at it a little differently. I like to look at it like grace is if you imagine a whole spread, like a Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving dinner, you have everything. You've got the turkey and the stuffing and the rolls and the deviled eggs and the salads and the fruits and the desserts. You have everything. That is God's grace. The part where we do all we can do is how much are we going to fill up on our plates? Are we going to go for seconds and thirds? His grace is all right there. He gave us 110% and where we come in is how much are we going to take from it, how much are we going to enjoy that grace and how much are we going to apply that to our lives and really internalize it and be grateful for it and recognize it too?
Alisha Coakley:Because I think sometimes we're sitting there with blinders on and we're looking at the green beans that we don't want to eat, right, and we're like, why is this all we're getting? And then it's like what are you talking about? Like there's all these other things. So I don't know if that made any sense. I don't know In my head it works out, but who knows? I do think that, regardless of which way it really is, the fact of the matter is it's there. It's there. Our Savior's there. He has already atoned for us, and not only for all of the hurt and the sadness and the sin, but for death itself, that he overcame death for us, so we really don't ever have to worry about losing our loved ones for too long. So anyway, thank you for coming on today and for sharing your story we really appreciate you.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, I'd also like to thank all of our listeners for tuning in and and being with us to listen to Angel's story today, for tuning in and and being with us to listen to Angel's story today, and if you guys want to support her and show her support for the the story that she shared, make sure you leave a comment. Yeah, that really is supportive and it means a lot when you when you take the risk and you put yourself out there. It means a lot to when you take the risk and you put yourself out there. It means a lot to to get comments back so that people know that that it touched them and made a difference, absolutely. And also, if you have a story you know, go to latterdaylightscom and share with us. We'd love to hear about it.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, absolutely Well, that's all that we have for today, guys. Thank you for tuning in to Angel's story and, Angel, thank you for being our guest.
Alisha Coakley:We really really appreciate it and this was a really I mean all up and down roller coaster ride of an episode, but overall I feel like this is a really beautiful episode. So thank you so much for that and to all of our listeners. Guys, make sure that you tune in next week for another episode of Latter-day Lights. Until then, we hope you guys have a great week. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
Scott Brandley:Thanks See ya.
