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LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Popular LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" gives members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints the opportunity to share their stories of inspiration and hope to other members throughout the world. Stories that members share on Latter-Day Lights are very entertaining, and cover a wide range of topics, from tragedy, loss, and overcoming difficult challenges, to miracles, humor, and uplifting conversion experiences! If you have an inspirational story that you'd like to share, hosts Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley would love to hear from you! Visit LatterDayLights.com to share your story and be on the show.
LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
When Your Spouse Comes Out - From Heartbreak to Hope: Melissa Rollins' Story - Latter-Day Lights
What do you do when the life you thought you were living is suddenly shattered?
In this episode of Latter-Day Lights, we meet Melissa Rollins, a woman whose world was turned upside down when her husband of 19 years revealed he was gay. With grace, vulnerability, and unwavering faith, Melissa shares her journey of navigating heartbreak, anger, and uncertainty—all while holding on to her love for God and her family.
Melissa opens up about the deep emotional and spiritual struggles she faced as she sought to reconcile her faith with her new reality. From feeling isolated and questioning God to rediscovering joy and purpose, her story highlights the power of trust in Jesus Christ and the strength found in allowing Him to carry our burdens.
This is an episode about finding light in the darkest moments and discovering that God’s plan for us, though different from what we may have envisioned, is always filled with love and redemption. Melissa’s story will inspire you to embrace faith and hope, no matter where life takes you.
*** Please SHARE Melissa's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/CTUlmutg98g
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To VISIT Melissa's Instagram page, go to: https://www.instagram.com/riding_with_melissa/
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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
#LatterDayLighs #ChristianStories
Hi everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley:And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode, we're going to hear how a shocking secret led one woman to realize that, even in her anger towards God the Father, she could still trust in her brother Jesus Christ. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce to you our special guest, Melissa Rollins. Melissa, how are you doing today?
Melissa Rollins:I'm really good.
Alisha Coakley:Thank you. Thank you so much for coming on. So guests or well, not guests, sorry listeners Melissa was a referral. I had another guest on the show and after we recorded Teresa and she said you have to get in touch with Melissa. And so she connected us on Facebook and I'm so glad that she did because Melissa's story I had just had the best conversation with you on the phone. We talked about so many amazing things and just the fact that you're here and you're like doing this and you have the faith that you have with everything that you've gone through, like just like. I feel so honored to be able to, to have met and to have heard your story already a little bit, but super excited for everybody else to hear it because it's just wow, it's just a whirlwind of a story. But we're not going to start with that, we're going to start with you a little bit. Do you want to maybe share with our listeners just a little bit about who Melissa is?
Melissa Rollins:Sure, so I grew up in Arizona but I've lived here in Utah since I was about 19 years old. I served a mission to Porto, portugal. I have two boys. They are 20 and 22. And I got a degree in recreation therapy from the University of Utah and I am doing some divorce coaching on the side as well, as I went through a divorce and it it it took me a minute to kind of get my footing and to find my happiness in life after divorce. As far as me, as a recreation therapist, I highly believe in finding things that are your passions, things you enjoy. I really enjoy going to concerts. I go to a lot of concerts and I also really like to travel, so kind of up that ante during my single time and just kind of enjoyed, enjoyed that been trying to enjoy this chapter of my life.
Alisha Coakley:I've never heard of recreation therapy. What is it just like? What it sounds like, where you just get therapy through fun things that you like?
Melissa Rollins:Yeah, so the difference between like something diversional or just going out into nature and doing something great is that when you have a recreation therapist, we will process it, we'll kind of see, we'll do an assessment, we'll see what your needs are and then we'll do like maybe an activity with you. I work with inpatients, I work. I work at the veterans hospital up in Salt Lake city and I've worked with veterans for over 20 years. So I work mostly inpatient. So I don't do a lot of the outdoor recreation things. But we'll do a game and then we'll we'll process and it'll be working on, like communication skills or coping skills, a lot of things that people might be needing. But we do a game and then kind of do the analogies and relate it to your everyday life.
Alisha Coakley:That is so neat. I'd never heard of that man. There are so many cool jobs out there.
Melissa Rollins:I like it. I love it Wow.
Scott Brandley:Have you ever, have you ever sat at a stoplight and just made up jobs for people that pass by you in their cars, based on what they look?
Melissa Rollins:like no, mine would be like Hmm, what would they enjoy doing? What would help them bring something more passionate to their lives, to help them enjoy life more.
Alisha Coakley:That's what I would do Way better than me. I used to make up stories about how people were going to go hide a body. Oh okay, but I mean, to be fair, I grew up in Florida, so there's I mean there's just so many good ways to hide a body in Florida. You know, you got the swamp, you got the gators, you got You've got all of the poisonous insects, You've got hurricanes that can take people away. It's just, you know. Yeah, I went dark there, I don't know. Different type of childhood than I think.
Melissa Rollins:You're just showing us how Florida gave you all these options and ideas.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, oh boy.
Melissa Rollins:Well, melissa, we're excited to have you on the show. I'd love to hear your story. So where does it begin? Let's turn the time over to you.
Melissa Rollins:My mom's a convert. My dad's family goes kind of way back in the church and I was just raised that way and I was one who was blessed with faith. My personality I kind of always joke about this because of the fact that I told you I work at the VA with substance abuse and we'll talk about things and I'm like I'm a rule following people pleaser, and they just don't. A lot of them don't understand that because they're not, and but that's just like how I grew up is just, I followed the rules and I didn't ever push back against the rules. It was fine with me and I had a lot of faith. And I grew up and I I felt like there were boxes you had to check. You know, I, I don't know, I think it's kind of changed, but I think maybe in my age group, I don't know, I think it's kind of changed, but I think maybe in my age group, we felt like we had to check boxes to get to where we were going. So I was checking all the boxes, you know, and I graduated from seminary, I went on a mission and I came home from my mission and then, you know, the next thing you do is you get married.
Melissa Rollins:And so I was a lot more insecure when I was younger and it kind of took me a little bit longer, I think, to get married. And maybe it just wasn't just because of my insecurity but just the timing and everything. But I didn't date a lot and I started dating this guy and just really liked him. And I was 26 when I got married and I remember one time going to the temple and just thinking about him and I hadn't gone to get like an answer like should I marry this guy? I was kind of thinking about him and I was being kind of nitpicky and sitting in the temple, going I don't know about this, you know, and I don't know about this, and I had the strongest impression that said stop it, he has a testimony. And I remember thinking, all right, he's good enough for God, he's good enough for me. So we continued dating and we ended up getting married. We dated for a year and a half. So we had dated, yeah, from the time. We continued dating and we ended up getting married. We dated for a year and a half. So we had dated, yeah, from the time we started dating until we got married. So so we get married, we have two kids. Things are going going well.
Melissa Rollins:He had started struggling with some depression and and so there were some changes, but a lot of it just seemed to make sense. A lot of you know the things that you that you go through with, with things you know, and during this time I had gotten diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. So we had had some challenges in our marriage. But he was literally like my best friend and we just we had what I thought was a pretty easy, good marriage and we just we had what I thought was a pretty easy, good marriage.
Melissa Rollins:And then, 17 years into our marriage, he came to me one night and he says I need to talk to you. So he wanted to wait till after the kids went to bed. And after the kids went to bed, you know, I was like, okay, let's talk and we sit down. And it literally took him two or three hours to get out what he wanted to say. And you know my anxiety is building and building and building, as I know he's trying to. He needs to tell me something and he just won't say it. And finally, after about three hours it was like one o'clock in the morning he finally just said I'm gay. And I remember just my heart just shattered, I was in disbelief and I just thought, what you know? And I remember asking him what does this mean? Because you know, you know it's going to be a shift and you know there's things. But you also, like for me, I just absolutely loved him and he was my best friend and I didn't know what it meant. So we kind of talked about that and at that point he wasn't ready to let other people know.
Melissa Rollins:And so I spent the next year and a half trying to figure out how to make things work. And I tell people you know, my marriage kind of died that day and I tried so hard to recreate a new marriage, felt like I couldn't get divorced. You know we'd made covenants and this life is short in comparison to eternity and can this work this way? Can this work this way? And and tried to say, hey, if we want to make this work, can we put effort in this way or that way, just to kind of make things work. And he really didn't put a lot of effort into it and it was a year and a half of being very lonely. Nobody knew. I had, I think, two friends that I talked to about my situation, one a little bit and one a lot. My family didn't know, bishop didn't know. Nobody knew. I felt very, very lonely and there was a lot of sorrow, there was a lot of tears, there was a lot of my hope was gone, it was lost.
Melissa Rollins:And after a year and a half I had a friend who we'd gone out and she said something about like, well, you know, you've got this great husband and I don't know about, uh, other people, but my face, if I don't say it out loud, my face will say it.
Melissa Rollins:And, um, she said that and I didn't say anything. And she's like you do still have a husband, right? And then I just broke down in tears and I told her what was happening and she said you need to get a divorce. And I said I can't. I said I'm already hurting. I don't need my kids to hurt, I don't need our families to hurt. I don't need, I don't. You know, I don't want everybody else to hurt, I'm already hurting. And she looked at me and she just said something that kind of changed a lot of things in my life Actually. And she looked at me and said who do you think you are the savior? That's his job and it just it almost released me from taking all of that on from my kids, from our families, and um, so it was after a year and a half of trying to make it work, feeling like I couldn't get divorced, to going. I think she's right, I think I need to do this.
Alisha Coakley:So so did he? Did he not bring up divorce? Or was he kind of letting you decide where you want, like I? Just I'm trying to wrap my. I'm such a big, it's such a big thing and, like you said, he was your best friend too, so it's I could see how maybe you could both agree hey, we're still best friends and we're going to raise our kids and we're just we're just going to get rid of the physical intimacy part of that, which is a huge part of marriage. But also marriage can look very different for, for you know, different reasons. So I don't know what was his take.
Melissa Rollins:I guess so I have a couple of different theories on that. First, because time changes your perspective and stuff, but at first I kind of thought, well, he just he was willing to do what, what I wanted to do. Even though it wasn't what he wanted to do, he was willing to do what.
Melissa Rollins:I wanted to do. And then another part of me thinks, well, he didn't want to be the bad guy and ask for the divorce, and so I'm actually not sure. You know, when I brought that up, so when we had talked about trying to make it work, one of the things I had is I was like, well, let's just kind of show each other that we do care about each other, that we do love each other. And I'd gotten this little notebook that just said hey, when one of us does something that we just notice that we love about the other person, because I mean, you just feel like you're not sure if you're loved anymore.
Melissa Rollins:I mean a big basis of your relationship just completely crumbled, crumbled and um, um, uh, and so, um, when I brought up the divorce he, he's, and I, and like we, I I had these things that we could work on, and you never did any of them. And he just said I didn't want to give you any hope, and and I remember that him saying that and thinking, gosh, he just kind of waited out until I just couldn't do it anymore, and so that's why I'm like it was kind of like, well, was it one way or was it the other way. Um, but it was just it was.
Alisha Coakley:It was hard because I was trying to try and find a way to make it work when he was just kind of being being there but not really putting a lot of the effort, like he was just kind of being there but not really putting a lot of the effort, like he was just kind of waiting on you to be ready. Yeah, how was I mean did everything change with him as far as like his testimony and everything like that? Because I mean you got that impression in the temple, yeah, yeah, how was that?
Melissa Rollins:So, you know, at first it seemed like his testimony was still there and he just wasn't quite sure what this was going to mean. He had known his whole life that he was attracted to the other gender, and he even brought it up with some priesthood leaders growing up. One happened to be our single-sport bishop, and back then they gave different advice than they do now, and what he had told me was that two of them had told him to get married and it would fix itself, and so that is obviously not the advice that is given today, but you know, 25 years ago that was the advice that was.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, we just didn't know.
Melissa Rollins:I mean, yeah, and not everybody gave that advice, but that was the advice that he'd gotten from from two people, um, and so, you know, he, he had no. So people have said, well, did he know? Does that something that he came to later and he had, he had known, he had struggled with it and and his, his worth and his value and stuff, and so so when this all first happened, um, he did seem like his testimony was still really strong and he still had some things he was trying to figure out. Um and over, over time, it has it's, it has it's not where it used to be and you know, I I struggled with that. Um, after you know the whole, we decided to get divorced and even before then I I became very angry with God because I was hurt so bad and I'd had that strong feeling that this needed to happen. You know, or that I that he had a strong testimony and I felt like I'd gotten this confirmation from God to to marry him and and, and I just remember asking God, how could you do this to me? You knew, you knew and I, and not to just you know and to just put me in this situation. So this anger just kind of built up inside of me.
Melissa Rollins:And then I struggled with so many church policies because here's this man that I'm just absolutely, you know, my best friend and I love and I care about and I don't want to see him hurt. And there are church policies that are hurting him or hurting families. And there are things that I just don't understand. Like I don't understand how this could be a trial in somebody's life. I don't understand how God could do that. I don't understand. And so I got to this point where I kind of wanted to walk away from the church and which was for me, was like wow, like this person that just wouldn't have never.
Melissa Rollins:But it was during that time when nobody knew. So because of that, I was still going to church, I was still doing my calling, I was still doing all those things because nobody knew. And during that time I remember thinking, okay, I've got to put everything to the side, like every church policy, everything I just put. Put everything to the side, like every church policy, everything. I just put it all to the side and I felt like I'd lost trust in God. But at the same time, when you're going through trauma things, it doesn't make sense sometimes the way you think.
Melissa Rollins:So I was very angry at God, but I knew I could trust the Savior. I knew I could trust the Savior. I knew I could trust him. I don't know if it's because of all the things we've been taught about the atonement and that he will take up on our sins. We've been taught that he knows how we feel, and so I just said I just like all of my focus with all the stuff that was going. I just zeroed in on the Savior and said, okay, I'm just going to focus on the Savior and see where he takes me. If it's in the church, so be it. If it's out, so be it. I trust the Savior. So I went in that direction.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, I really love that you had that distinction, because I think and this is something we spoke about on the phone too that distinction, because I think and this is something we spoke about on the phone too just that today there are so many people who just assume that God the Father and Jesus Christ are the exact same in relation, like in regards to our relationship with them, right, like, obviously, most Christianity does believe in the Trinity too, and so I can see how maybe they would be a little bit more confused on like, well, how can you have a different relationship when they're the same person? But in our faith, that's one of the big distinguishing characters between us and mainstream Christianity is that we do have God, the father, who has a very distinct role and who is his own, his own being. Then we have Jesus Christ, who is his literal son, which means our brother, you know. And how often do you have the same exact relationship with your father that you have with your brother? Never, right, it just doesn't happen.
Alisha Coakley:You may have some similarities, some things that you like, that you don't like about them, but I, you know, ultimately it's like, if you can really pay attention to what your relationship is with each of them. Then you don't have to put them all in the same bucket and be like, well, if this, if this, you know, uh, happened from heavenly father, then I have to be mad at Jesus Christ too. You know, and it's just not the not that way. So that was awesome that you were able to do that, and I think it makes the atonement more personal. You know, and it's just not the not that way. So that was awesome that you were able to do that, and I think it makes the atonement more personal. You know, it makes that more sacred to you, because you can see how much as our brother he loved us.
Alisha Coakley:You know, when sometimes parents are a little harder, you know, sometimes siblings can associate more with our feelings and they can relate to us in a whole different level. And so, but let me ask you, um, how, how was this, when you guys brought it up to the kids and did you? I mean, was he starting to be more comfortable with having that conversation? And you have two boys, so I can imagine that once they found out there was probably, I don't know, I mean, maybe, maybe it was a smooth transition and they knew or didn't care, I don't know, but how? How did that all look?
Melissa Rollins:That's another long story in and of itself, but I'll give the shortened version of it. So we had decided it was two weeks before school got out, um, for that that we decided to get divorced. So we decided to wait until school got out to tell them we were going to get divorced Uh, cause, who wants that on your kid's plate? The last two weeks of school. So, uh, the weekend school got out, we set them down and we and he told them that we were getting divorced. And we were getting divorced because he was gay.
Melissa Rollins:And our older son said what did he? How did he say it? He was like, oh yeah, I knew. And I was like how did you know? I didn't know, but he had.
Melissa Rollins:You know, we all, we both do things with groups of friends and stuff. And, and in this day and age, we, there are a lot of people around that you know are gay or lesbian or whatever. And I mean I have friends that I know they're lesbian, you know. And so he. I know that there were some friends that have his that were gay. But you don't think, oh, he's with a, he's got there's gay men in his group. So you know, I need to think about this, you know, but my son had.
Melissa Rollins:My son had gone and done some things with them and he saw how he had interacted with gay men or how gay men had interacted with him.
Melissa Rollins:And so he he said he had told me he's like, yeah, I thought dad was gay and so he had kind of seen it, um, coming, he was not blindsided, um, he was. It was, uh, right before his senior year so, and then our younger one was two years behind him and he was blindsided and that was really hard, because when things affect him and they hit him hard, his little bottom lip will quiver when he's trying to hold it together. And so we're sitting there telling him and his little bottom lip is quivering and it was. It was pretty hard but you know, we made it through and they, you know, and he didn't really change in how he behaved towards people. I mean, he's kind of evolved into some to, you know, a different person than I was married to now. But there was no big changes, immediate changes, so there wasn't that like I don't know who my dad is anymore. They were, it was was it was subtle.
Melissa Rollins:so so they, they, they handled it pretty well, um, all considering, and I would try to try to follow up on that with with them, especially my, my younger one. Um, my older one was already struggling with some things with the church and so it just kind of it, it wasn't as like it didn't feel as as I think it didn't feel as like serious to him as like with my younger one, of like what does this mean? Or you know, things like that, um, and I've tried to, you know kind of be on top of it, like how is your relationship? Are you okay with this? You, how are you? And they both have have done a little bit of, gone to a little bit of therapy, and I'm a big proponent of therapy, so I think everybody needs therapy, everybody has some sort of issues that they need to work through. So, um, you know it helps you just process things. So I think they, they, they've both done pretty, pretty okay with the situation. It's just, you know it's hard anytime your parents get divorced.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, yeah, I can imagine there's such a grieving process involved and and this doesn't have to be for just um families who experience, you know, someone coming out as being gay or lesbian or bisexual or any of that kind of stuff. But any change in our personality right, Like you, you could have people who just all of a sudden, aren't really interested in church at all and not that they want to go out and do bad things, they're just not interested in that can be a huge, um, a huge loss to the, the future that you had in your mind, right, the expectation that you had. And so it's not necessarily that people are mad at you for, for I guess deciding to change and to to do something that you feel at the time is honoring a truer version of you or whatever you want to say, but it's more like dang, like that just really messed with my dreams and messed with what my perspective was, and so I'm going to need a minute to like step back and create a new future and see where that fits and how it's going to look with our relationships, and especially between father and son. I'm sure that there probably were so many layers to the questions and the problems that you're.
Alisha Coakley:I mean, I have two sons too, you know, and so I think sometimes my sons will identify with their dad in certain things that he does or says, or, or you know, whatever else. Um, to the point where there've been conversations in our past where they're like, well, I want to be just like dad. For this reason, you know, and if they can't mirror that, it's disappointing. And for the flip side, I'll never be like that. This reason, you know, and if they can't mirror that, it's disappointing. And for the flip side, I'll never be like that. You know, they get me angry and stuff like that, Like I'm never going to do that.
Alisha Coakley:And we all do that with our parents, Right? So I can see how even your boys had to like, kind of look inside themselves and be like well, does that mean that I'm going to be gay too? Does that mean that? You know? Will dad like me better if I am? Will he like me less? Like what? You know what I mean Like there's just now, all of a sudden, a whole new layer of complexity to the situation. So, and especially with teenagers, I mean, teenagers are just, they're just trying to figure out life. Anyway, you know what I mean To throw something this big, and I guess too, cause it's, it's just, it's the lifestyle, but it's also the church thing, right, Like, what does it mean for us being sealed? Are we still going to be able to be, you know, in the eternities together? And gosh, like there's just so many, like I'm just having a down.
Scott Brandley:It opens up a million questions.
Melissa Rollins:Right.
Scott Brandley:Did you?
Melissa Rollins:go through that? Well, it really does. So I know, like with my younger son. He says sometimes he struggles when they will sing the song families can be together forever. And you know we've had some discussions about ceilings and that they are you know, because we've even had talks in general conference about you know we've had some, some discussions about ceilings and that they are you know, cause we've even had talks in general conference about, you know, the horizontal and the vertical and that you're sealed to God and that this ceiling will, whatever happens, you you're, you're under the covenant with God and and whoever is, whoever's worthy to be, you know there will be there and but you know it's it's all gonna, it's all gonna work out.
Melissa Rollins:And I think that was one of the things sometimes, that there I finally got to the point too where I was like I don't have to understand everything and I just have to kind of have that faith. And I'll tell you, as I went through some of this, I I didn't want to be happy in this divorced phase of my life. I like you. You hit the nail on the head when you said you have to like your. Your vision of the future just like my. My vision of my future just imploded. You know, I'm like, well, I have in my head like how, when our kids graduated from high school, and what we were going to do when we were empty nesters and once we retired and all the things, and it just imploded. And then the other things of, like, my son that's not active in the church. I love him and I've told him this. I'm like you are on your own journey. Sometimes my heart aches, but my heart aches for what I want. My heart aches for my desires and my wants and because at this point I have rebuilt my trust with God and I trust God to take care of him, it's like God's God's got him. That's the other thing that I think I really learned.
Melissa Rollins:So I went through this part where I didn't want to be. I did not want to be happy, because that meant that I accepted everything that happened and I didn't want to accept everything. So I fought to be happy or to, to, to avoid like that joy in my life. Um, and you know, and I had, I was, I was angry at God and um, I I'm trying to remember when it was. It was almost two years ago. So I've been divorced for four and a half years and it was almost two years ago I ended up, um going on a on a singles trip. Um, my, a friend that lives in the same townhomes as me had a trip with a group and her roommate couldn't come, and so she asked if I wanted to come, and so I just kind of was like, okay, I'm going to do it. You know, it was a Christmas market river cruise in Europe and I just thought I'm going to do it and I just did it. I just thought I'm going to do it and I just did it, and that was kind of the beginning of the change, of me enjoying this chapter of my life I'm really big on the fact that you have different chapters of your life and I thought, okay, I'm in this chapter and I found something that I enjoy doing and a group that I enjoy doing it with, and so I started doing some traveling and and I started having some more experiences with with God.
Melissa Rollins:And one day I it was after this trip I was unpacking and just thinking about some things and I just had this thought, um, about a situation that I'd been in before. Uh, this had all happened Cause I had dated someone shortly after I had gotten divorced and I, oh, I was head over heels for him and I kind of was hoping to get married and didn't, and all these things, and so that was another thing that added to my I don't want to be happy at this point and couldn't find anyone else to date after that. So I was putting stuff away and I just had this little thought that said you could have been happy with him, but you would have missed out on everything I've planned for you. And I was like, okay, okay, so I'm going to listen for a minute you know, I'm going to start listening to you again, I guess and see what's going on here. And so I did that.
Melissa Rollins:And then I think it was right around that same time, either the month before right around that same time, I'd gone to the life after divorce conference and while I was there, I was sitting there and I just the spirit just kept telling me you need to do this, you need to do this, and I was like do what?
Melissa Rollins:So for two days the spirit just said you need to do this and I started feeling like I needed to share my experiences and my issues that I've had with my doubts, being angry with God, all these things, and I remember thinking I don't know how to do this. And then, the last session I went to, a woman talked about how she helps women find their purpose and helps them get where they need to be, and I was like, oh, this is what I need to do, so I started doing that. Then I started, you know, doing, you know more traveling, and I there were still some struggles, there were still like just a lot of some tears and some pain, and but over the over that year, but over that year I really grew. And I remember one day, I remember feeling like I trusted God, except in my love life. I remember thinking that and I was like, well, hey, but I was like, hey, that is something, though, that is progress.
Melissa Rollins:I thought that's what I remember thinking that's progress. And I remember thinking that. I thought that's what I remember thinking that's progress. And I remember thinking that and I do also remember an overwhelming feeling from Heavenly Father that said and it's okay, it's okay that you were angry with me, it's okay, it was. It was and I have been here the whole time, right, waiting for you to be ready, and just kind of this impression of like hey, if you're going to be mad at anybody, go ahead and be mad at me, because I can take it and I understand and I know, and I know what I these situations that you're in and I know what I can do with you if you're willing to, to let me. And so that's when I kind of was like you know it's okay to be angry, it's okay to have these doubts, but it's what you do with it next. That's important and I'll tell you. You know it's not like you know that happens.
Melissa Rollins:And I never stepped away from the gospel, even though I did really struggle with a lot of things, but I did leave myself open to gaining that knowledge from our Heavenly Father and from the Savior of what is truth, and I left myself open for that, even though it took a while.
Melissa Rollins:And I'll tell you, there was just like this feeling of like, yeah, it's okay. Of like, yeah it's okay. And I really liked that because I feel like sometimes we don't want to say we're angry at God, because God knows all and God, you know, he knows the best things for us, and so why should we be angry with him? But he's put us in these situations to grow and become like him, and we can't do that just through easy things. And I, you know, I always tell people to. You know, sometimes you read an obituary and it's like she just did everything with grace and kindness and I'm like, oh, that's not gonna be mine, it's going to be like she fought and she kicked and she screamed and then she accepted it. So that's going to be fine. But I think there is that's okay, and he knows we're human and he knows we we need to do those things to to grow, because that's where we're like submitting our will to his and and learning how to do that.
Melissa Rollins:There were so many times where I would also be like you know. People say let the savior take your, your pain. And I would pray and pray, and pray and say, please take my pain. It was so painful, it hurts so bad. And I used to say, you know, my knowledge knows that it's all okay, but why does it still hurt so bad? And so I would say, please take my pain.
Melissa Rollins:I didn't know how to, I didn't know how to give it, until one day I just did. And I can't even explain how I did either. It's just, it was just work and work and work, and trying to just pray for it and think about it and figure out how to do it. And then one day I just did, and and it's I, it's I can't tell you how to do it because it's everybody else's process. Um, but you just, you just got to work for, for things.
Melissa Rollins:And then I saw so many miracles in my life and so many things that the Lord had blessed me with after my divorce that it was just like I just cannot doubt so many things right now. Like I look at how I went, my job, my job situation, I feel like the Lord knew from the beginning like what was going to happen and he prepared me even from in my youth, like when I got divorced. I had a degree and I switched from never working full time to a fulltime job. That I was working at the VA, already part-time but I went full-time to a job. That where I could sustain myself. You know, a lot of women get divorced and they're going back to school and they're, you know, just trying to struggle to, to, to make it and I I landed on my feet and I I look back and see where the Lord guided me in that.
Melissa Rollins:You know, when I, when I decided to, when we sold the family house and moved, I was going to stay in the family house with my youngest son until he graduated from high school because he has a lot of social anxieties and and depression and that wasn't going to be good to move and I felt prompted to move. And this was in April or about April of 2021, when the market was just crazy and I was able to get my house on the market, move, find another place. When the market was crazy, I thought I was going to have to move in with my parents for like nine months to try and get a house. You couldn't buy and sell at the same time at that time. So I had to sell my house, move into them five weeks from the time my house closed to the time that I found my new place and closed and was in my new place and that was the time when it was like it was like six to nine months to get into places.
Melissa Rollins:I saw that happen. I just saw so many of these things where the Lord said this is your, this is still your path. You know you had a different idea of what your path was, but this is your path and I'm going to open a few doors for you. And just, he opened some doors. Some doors didn't open quite so easily and and that's hard, but there were doors that opened that I was able to see, how, how, the things that he he saw that I couldn't see and in fact I used to pray.
Melissa Rollins:I used to pray all the time. I'm like Heavenly Father, I know you can see everything, but I can only see what's in front of me right here. I need to know more. I need to know more. I used to pray that all the time, all the time we're going to have this discussion again, cause I just I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see how it was going to work out. I couldn't see anything, and so I'd have that discussion and I'd wave my hand in front of my face Every single time. I had that little discussion with him. I can't see past here. You got to help me out. But you know, and again it's sometimes you just can't see and you gotta wait till you go through it to be able to turn around and look back and be able to see, and that is the hardest part yeah, just taking those steps forward with faith, and that's sometimes what I felt like I had to do.
Melissa Rollins:I was like I guess I'm just taking a step forward with faith because I cannot see anything.
Alisha Coakley:You know, there's two things that that you said, that kind of like, I would love to talk about for just a second. The first thing is, just like, um, we have sometimes a hard time distinguishing between heavenly father and Jesus Christ. I've noticed, uh, that especially nowadays, um, people have a very hard time distinguishing between church policy and gospel doctrine. And even like, like you specifically said, I never walked away from the gospel, you didn't say I never walked away from the church. And I think, even just like that, that realization that the church is an organization on this earth that is guided by God but run by man and men are men, are flawed, like it just is what it is. Like we do the best we can with what we have, hoping that we don't screw things up too badly. Family, father can't fix it, but the gospel is the gospel, you know, and right now the church is the place where the gospel has that fullness there, right. And so sometimes there's going to be policies or procedures, there's going to be people in leadership who give the wrong advice or just give horrible advice or do horrible things. Not that, not that the the gospel is flawed, right, it's just that we're trying to figure it out right, like the church is sometimes trying to figure it out. But I love that when you spoke on that, you're like you still did the things, you still went through the motions, but you never walked away from the gospel. You let that be the thing that centers you and I, I feel like there are so many reasons for us that we can come up with to walk away from the church.
Alisha Coakley:You know, just for whatever I mean it could be, I don't like two hour Sundays. I don't like. You know what I mean Like I don't like the music that's being played in church. I don't like that. Uh, youth is on a Wednesday night instead, or whatever it is.
Alisha Coakley:Like we can come up with like little things. We can come up with really big things like, well, because, you know, because my family is gay, that means they can't go to the temple, or because someone identifies as a gender different than what they were born, maybe they can't have certain callings in relief society or priesthood, or something like that. You know what I mean. And so there are things that people can definitely look at and say, well, this is wrong and this shouldn't be, and so that means everything needs to be thrown away. But you didn't do that, like. You saw the things that weren't feeling right for you at the time, but you also knew that there was something bigger and deeper and more important than those surface items, right? And so I think that, well, let me ask you how, how do you do it Like? How do you stay focused on what really matters most when what's happening so loud?
Melissa Rollins:Okay, if you're going to weather the storm, you've got to have built your foundation before you're weathering the storm, and I just really feel that that's important. So when we were married and we went to the temple every month, we had a stake president that issued a challenge to make a goal of how often you want to go to the temple and, and so we set a goal to go to the temple at least once a month. And so we went, and it wasn't always together. Sometimes we had to divide and conquer. A lot of times it was on the very last day of the month and I was running in. We were running in and doing like initiatories, but we went every month. Like I'm not kidding you, for like seven years we went every month. It may have even been more than that, and I think having built a strong foundation is what got me through that, because you know it's like you can.
Melissa Rollins:I've served most of my adult life in primary presidencies and people. You know. I would say you know they're the primary answers for a reason because they are the ones that get you through these things. But you know, you think about the primary song, the wise man and the foolish man, and building your house upon a rock, and I also. So I'm going to tell you this little story, this little analogy that I found very interesting.
Melissa Rollins:I went on a trip to Ireland this past summer and in Ireland they have these like towers, these round. They're not very, they're not very big, but these round towers, and they go up really high and they have been there for 1000 years and they were used to go up and, like you know, kind of tell people from city to city different things or send messages out or see what was going on. You know, but they were, they were there, but they've been there for over 1000 years. Well, because of how Ireland is, the rock is just right there at the surface, so they didn't dig down to the rock. And then on top of the rock there's this round part that goes up about 10 feet before there's a door. And they said, well, we looked at like, why is there 10 feet above it before it goes in the door? Was it for security? Was it for this? No, it was because it needed that strong of a foundation so it would stand. So really, it really pointed out to me like they had this foundation and the foundation was right on top of the rock.
Melissa Rollins:And that reminded me of Elder Bednar's talk that he gave, I think, conference before last, where he was talking about the difference between the rock and the foundation, cause sometimes we get those things mixed up or we just combine them or don't really think about it. Cause I remember listening to the talk and being like wait a minute, what? And I just had to like, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, that makes sense. But at first I was like wait a minute, that's the same thing. And then you realize it's not. But it was this visual for me to see that like these have lasted so long because they built a strong enough foundation.
Melissa Rollins:So you are going to go through trials. And up until that point in my life I had gone through some trials and some of them were difficult. You know, I got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. That was really hard. You know, I didn't know what was going to happen in my life. There were some other things, but then this one, this one was the one that just knocked me to my core. And if I didn't have that strong foundation because even with that strong foundation I was it was the winds and everything were knocking at that and there was battering that as hard as it could. So I think the biggest thing is to have that strong foundation.
Melissa Rollins:And then the second thing is, like I had said, and what I say is like you, you want the truth, you know you. If you want the truth, you go to the source of truth. Okay, if you're having issues with the church, if you're having issues with whatever it is, um, and you're like, well, I don't know, if you go, you can find anything in the, on the internet, basically, to confirm your, your bias. You can find anything. So if you want to find something to confirm it now, you know, against it, you're going to find it. So my thing was the Savior. I felt like we, as a member of the church being baptized, we have access to the gift of the Holy Ghost.
Melissa Rollins:One of my favorite scriptures, if not my favorite, is Moroni 10.5. By the power of the Holy Ghost, you may know the truth of all things. All things, it's not just the Book of Mormon. We can know the truth of all things. So we want to pray and get that answer from the Holy Ghost and because that's, that's the truth, you want the truth. So that's those are my things, build on the foundation and then ask someone to ask for the where the source of truth comes from. And that's where you're going to go, because that's what happened to me is I? I just, I just thought I need to go to this, to the source of truth, and he will, you know, and the truth will take me where I need to be.
Melissa Rollins:And you know, and over time, little by little, my heart softened and I could feel like little things. There was almost sometimes a little like awakening, sometimes, like I said that first time, that I was like, oh, I trust God, even if it's not in my love life yet I trust him here, which I didn't for a little while. And a lot of times I would sing to myself that primary song Heavenly Father, are you really there? Do you hear and answer every child's prayer? And then one day I just started singing the song and I I changed the words without even thinking about it. I said Heavenly Father, I know you're really there, I know you hear and answer every child's prayer. And I went Well, look at that. I feel like I learned another thing. You know, just these things that I didn't intend to happen, but they just happened because of all of that, and you know I will tell you too, one of the things, the thing that I struggled with the very most, was that very beginning, when I thought Heavenly Father, how could you do this to me? You knew, yet you told me he has a testimony. And it was even just in this past year.
Melissa Rollins:I was sitting there, I remember I was sitting on my couch and I was thinking about something. I can't remember even what it was. Maybe it was a talk I was doing, maybe it was oh no, I remember what it was. I had read something about. You know, did I make a wrong decision and who I'd married, and stuff. And I was thinking about that and the thought came to me no, you didn't make a wrong choice, you married someone who had a testimony in the gospel.
Melissa Rollins:Things changed over years. Someone can choose to walk away, someone can choose to let their testimony fade. I didn't make a wrong choice and I kept doing the things to keep my testimony, but somebody else had their agency, somebody else could choose what they wanted to do and different choices could have been made. Different choices could have been made and and kept our marriage.
Melissa Rollins:And you know cause I was. I was willing to put some, some effort into it and I was. You know, who knows what would have happened. But we have the choice and sometimes we're affected by people and their choices. But it really made me see I did not make a mistake, I did what the Lord wanted me to do, but then you just got to keep doing it. It's just like your testimony. You can have a really strong testimony and then things can happen and you can walk away and you look I mean, you've seen that with some people you're like they were so strong, what happened, and it's something that happens and it just kind of you have to. Sometimes you have to fight. You have to fight for your testimony. We had a guest.
Alisha Coakley:Okay.
Scott Brandley:No, I like that because the question that's been in my mind for quite a while while you're telling your story is, like, you've mentioned, that you've been mad at God. I'm like, weren't you mad at him, like, for making some of the choices that he made because he could have chosen, even though he had that tendency he could have chosen to keep his commitment. But I like what you just said was very tasteful. You know, you kept your commitment. We all have that choice to make and keep the promises and the commitments that we make with God and with our spouse. And the real challenge in life is, like you said, to keep your commitment and you did that, and so you answered my question in a tasteful way, even though I wanted to, like you know, go down that road, and I was.
Scott Brandley:I was like mad at your, at your ex-husband talking, but just because from a husband like you know, like I, just I see it from a different perspective but we all have those choices and he and he could have made different choices, but we all have the roads that we have to go down and we all have the choices that we make and between us and God, and us and our spouses, and us and our kids.
Melissa Rollins:And you know, it's kind of interesting because I wasn't angry at him. I did have a little. I did go through an angry spot which, when I was talking with my therapist, I was like, well, this is actually good, I finally got to an angry spot. I wasn't angry at him, like well, this is actually good, I finally got to an angry spot. I wasn't angry at him. And this is this is why it would just I happen to be, you know, just again with my personality, who I am.
Melissa Rollins:I'm very caring, very loving, and I just my heart ached for him because how hard like he tried to do everything right. He tried to read the gospel he tried to like to me. I felt like it and at that moment, like it took longer for me to realize what he made, choices that made him go away from that. But back then, in that time, I thought my heart, my heart ached for him and I thought, well, if we were to get divorced, I could still go find someone that I, that I love and feel that for and I can still keep my covenants. If he does that, he doesn't keep his covenants, and that broke my heart, you know. And and so I was just so because I was still so wrapped up in the love that I had for him. You know, like with a divorce. So I tell some people I was like you know, my situation is like was different. A lot of times when you get divorced, you're just so ready to be done with that person because, just, you just can't get along anymore.
Melissa Rollins:It was just, it was gut wrenching and I just had to, like you're continuing to untwine your feelings for this person, because I had just felt like I had just cared for this person for the past. I had just felt like I had just cared for this person for the past. It was 19 years before we'd gotten divorced. You know, we'd been married for 19 years and so that anger wasn't there, it was more just a heartbreak for him. And then, you know, through it, I kind of realized things like oh, he did make some choices that really affected me, even though I knew that it took a while for it, like hit me and go well, that wasn't very cool, you know and be like have that little bit of anger and you know, and I I wish that happiness for him. You know, it's his, it's his life and I don't want him to be unhappy. I mean, he was part of my life for so long and but the choices that he's making now are his choices and my choices are mine and and you know, what I've decided to do with mine is I.
Melissa Rollins:You know, even in dating I was like, well, do I just need to find a good man, because it's just hard to find good active LDS man. And and you know, and I remember one time after I dated someone for just a short time that wasn't active and I had this strong feeling that I needed to find someone who was active in the church. And I remember doing the little like, oh, it's hard enough to find just a decent guy. It's got to be someone that's active in the church, which is what I want because I'm very active. But it's hard to find that person that you connect with. I always say the stars have to align. You know they're both the same, you're just. I mean all of the things. It's just so hard but but but I was like, okay. So I always say I throw my tantrums and then I say, okay, let's go ahead Some tantrums are longer than others.
Melissa Rollins:But um, but uh. I just remember that day feeling like, oh, okay, well, I guess I'll be more my single life. I found it about a year and a half ago and I'm like, okay, okay, I found my happy in my single life.
Alisha Coakley:That's awesome. You know we had um I was gonna say I guessed um about probably about a year ago or so. His name is Dusty Smith. Fantastic, I mean, seriously. Go listen to his episode. It's the best, like you will just be laughing and it's full of miracles. But one of the things that you were talking about with testimony, you know, and just the fact that that your ex-husband you know he did have a testimony, dusty.
Alisha Coakley:Dusty was in the church for a while and then he became an apostate for 26 years and he I mean hardcore anti Latter-day Saint. I mean he was like he would call people that he had baptized on his mission and apologize to them. He was like very much like super apostate, um, and then he ended up coming back through this series of amazing miracles and stuff and and one of the things that we had asked was you know, how was that for you to to have such a strong testimony and then to lose it and then to, to, you know, find it again, type of thing? And he had said for him, the only way he can explain it was he never actually lost it. It's that heavenly father held onto it for him while he was going through all of his stuff and then, once he was finally ready to come back and to be humble and to make the choices to really go back to that source of truth right, instead of getting all nitty gritty on all the the facts and the logic and all the things that are out there right now, he said he felt like heavenly father gave it back to him and said here, this time don't throw it away. And he said it was. It was just such a cool thing for me to hear, because sometimes you think that your testimony is kind of like a rollercoaster ride, like you either have it really strong and then all of a sudden you don't have it anymore. And then you have a video and he's like no, he's like it's there, it's always there. Whatever, whatever truth you had experience with, is still true. It is still true Now, whether you choose to remember how strong you had that impression or or how much that mattered to you.
Alisha Coakley:Sometimes we get focused on things that are a little louder or a little brighter or a little, uh, more enticing of whatever feeling we're feeling, whether it's passion or excitement or anger or rebellion or whatever it is. Sometimes we just let those other feelings mask how strong the spirit was with us in those moments that built our testimonies, but it doesn't mean that that ever changes. It's just we can't see it or can't hear it, or don't remember it fully and perfectly, and I think all of us will at one point, especially when we are there at the end and we meet the savior, I feel like he's going to give it all back to us, Everything that we might've forgotten. He's going to restore our memory completely and we're going to be like, oh dang, wow, I really do know where truth is. I know what truth is. I know that I'm loved. I know that I am forgiven.
Alisha Coakley:I know that there are things that are so much more important than what I paid attention to when I was on the earth, and so, for me, it's just, it's been. It's given me so much hope for my own loved ones you know my family and friends who, um, either have walked away from the gospel or have walked away from their duties, um, in the family, who have walked away from the person that I always thought that they were and who I loved and adored and wanted to be around all the time. Um, it's kind of given me that hope that, like you're right, heavenly father knows them, he knows where they're at, he knows what they're going through and he's going to be able to help restore all of those testimony building moments to them in due time. It may not happen in this life, it may not be until you know they're face to face again with the savior, but, um, but they'll get it all back and then at that point they will have a perfect knowledge and they'll be able to make the choice, with all of the information given to them, that they can be very confident in making that choice. And maybe that choice really is not to be, you know, in the celestial kingdom, so to speak, because maybe they're just really genuinely going to be super comfortable in a different kingdom of heaven and a different space and with a different relationship, uh, with the savior and with and with heavenly father than what we have. But that's okay, because we can still have our own relationship with them too.
Alisha Coakley:It doesn't have to be well, you have to have the same relationship with the savior and with the heavenly father that I have in order for me to have a relationship with you. You know, um, and I think you're right, like when it comes to all of those questions about temple ceilings and the eternities and what's going to happen to our family. I do know that there I'm. There was a prophet, I believe, sometime in the past that said something like the um, the relationships in the hereafter are going to be so much more beautiful than we can even fathom. So all of those what ifs that we're going through right now, it's not important. It's not important, and we wouldn't even be able to fully understand it, even if it was explained to us, because we're just not there, you know. But heavenly father will work it all out to our good.
Melissa Rollins:So that's beautiful. I love that thought that he's just holding on to things which you know. I guess that kind of makes sense. It's like when I finally my heart finally softened.
Scott Brandley:It was like yep, I'm right here, just just been waiting for you, just holding, holding on for you. Yeah, um, I my thoughts on some of these things that we've been talking about.
Scott Brandley:I was first kind of mad at your ex-husband and now, as we've had more conversations, I'm feeling more like compassion and maybe like even like charity towards him, because, I mean, and for people that are going through these kinds of things, because the Satan is real and he is. He has a lot of influence in the world right now and I think we have to have some compassion and some charity for, for what people are going through and and some of the challenges that that people are facing um in the world today, and and this is one of them- yeah.
Scott Brandley:And I think it's easy to get mad and to reject people that maybe make some of these choices, but ultimately, I think the best thing to do the high road would be to have some compassion and some charity towards them. I don't know what are your thoughts on that. I mean, you've gone through it, so you probably have a better idea than I do.
Melissa Rollins:You know, through that and through so many other things, I think I've just been so grateful that I don't, I don't, I don't have to judge people, the Lord knows. I think it's really helped me really see that the Lord really knows what situation that everybody has gone through and you know who knows. Like, like I said at one point, we I used to believe in the checklist you got to check, check, check, check, check to get where you're going. And now I'm wondering maybe there's like a different expectation for somebody that was born, you know, in the covenant, as opposed to someone who was born with parents who were drug abusers, and that the Lord says to this person I expect you to live the gospel, I expect you to this. Maybe to the other person he says I expect you to try to be nice to people because you got a rough start.
Melissa Rollins:You know, I just, I just have just said you know, I'm pretty sure now this is, you know, I don't know, I don't haven't seen it as doctrine anywhere, but I'm pretty sure that it's time of judgment. He's not gonna say you know, hey, alisha, will you come up here and judge with me? So yeah, we don't, we don't have to take things. We can take that off our plate, right? You know, when we worry about so much, we're like, hey, you know what, I don't have to worry about it. The Lord's going to judge him Not our circus not our monkeys, right, right.
Melissa Rollins:And so I think there's just some things where I've just thought, you know, yes, people make choices that do affect their happiness, that may affect their salvation. If we want to go that route that affect other people's happiness, um and and do affect that. But I think also that I think you said, like the grace and the compassion, and that there's never any point that said, oh, you blew it all, you blew everything, it's just blown. I can't, even I can't. I just don't see god saying I just, I don't know how to recover from this. I don't, I don't know what to do with you now.
Alisha Coakley:I feel like he's done this to me sometimes, alisha, come on, I know he has.
Melissa Rollins:So I think he knows how to handle it. I think he's kind of like when he says, oh Alisha, oh Melissa, just would you just hang on, would you just have a little faith, would you just hang on? I think he does that, I think he might do that, but I don't think that something messes up and he's like well crud, now I don't know. Oh, how is this going to work out? How am I going to fix this? You know, I things like I felt like my life was going to go in that you know that track, that trajectory, and it wasn't going to have a big. I was just like man, the temple, and now we just keep going riding that little ride up.
Melissa Rollins:And so when it did, it was just like, oh well, wait a second. This wasn't on my timeline of how I was supposed to get there, and it's just made me see that the Lord has beautiful things in store for us when horrible things might happen. That something that just was the most devastating thing in my life opened up the door for something beautiful to happen. And would I have been okay to stay in my, my area? Sure, but because I didn't, and because that that happened, he didn't say well, you lost it. You lost your hope for that happiness. You lost that hope for for joy. You're just in this mess now. He's like no, well, other people have had to go through some messes too. So let's maybe find you another person that's kind of gone through some stuff too and there can be joy and happiness and beautiful things to come out of devastating things.
Alisha Coakley:You are amazing, like I knew it over the phone. When I talked to you, I just got that feeling and and can I just say you totally have that whole look of like general primary president. I'm just gonna call it right now. We're gonna see you in general conference one day. Um when?
Melissa Rollins:when that happens, give us a shout out like this is all, because it's not because of all the things that the lord did to prepare me for this, it's because I did this podcast and it just exactly, just I mean elevated me that's just how we roll, melissa, yeah. Yeah.
Alisha Coakley:You really are fantastic and I can feel the love that you have, not only for your ex, for your children having to go through what they went through, for others who might be experiencing the same thing, but you can feel your love that you have for the Savior and for your Heavenly Father now, and it's just been such a joy having you on and hearing your story and I feel like even you know I wasn't angry like Scott, you know, cause I'm a I'm a little more compassionate no, I'm just joking, I'm really not, but but I do feel like my love and my compassion has grown for those who you know, not just those in the LGBTQ community, but just everybody who is struggling with figuring out who they are and what they want their life to look like and where they're at and how they got there and, you know, just carrying the grief and the burden, the anger and the confusion.
Alisha Coakley:Um, I think we're all just, we really are just trying to figure it out and sometimes it is really really hard to see the light through the darkness. Um, and so you're right, like we don't have to be the people that pass judgment, we don't have to be the ones that figure out everyone's life. We just have to be there to love them, we have to forgive them and you know we have to to put as much light in our own lives as we can so that, hopefully, we can be a beacon to others so that they can find their way through the darkness. And so thank you for being you and for coming on here today and sharing your story.
Melissa Rollins:It's a pleasure, thank you.
Scott Brandley:Do you have any last thoughts you'd like to share before we wrap things up? Do you have any last thoughts you'd?
Melissa Rollins:like to share before we wrap things up. You know just that. Turn to the Lord, turn to the Savior. I mean, he is the one that can heal wounds, that can really help us, and that is His job and, like I said, not our job. It's not my job to do the saving. Let the Savior do the saving and that he can heal wounds. And I will tell you, I cried myself to sleep every night for such a long time, In fact, even when I moved into my new place, my new townhome.
Melissa Rollins:I loved it, I thought it was cute and I'd cry myself to sleep every night and say, at least I like my townhome, I love my townhome. I found this little place that was my home and my refuge, but it took. It took time to heal and give yourself grace and compassion and time to heal, and but. But try to move forward and find those, those that joy.
Melissa Rollins:Try to try to find those little things that bring you little bits of happiness in your life and look for the things that the you little bits of happiness in your life and look for the things that the Lord is doing for you. Look and see, because they are there and you may not. You're not. It may be so hard when you're in these really hard times to see something every day. I did a gratitude journal where I try to look for something good every day and sometimes it was, you know, like I made it through the day. That was my good thing today. But when we start looking, our mindset starts looking for the good and seeing that and it doesn't make the bad go away, but it makes you realize that there's some good things still out there.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, wow, it's so true, and I have to say I vouch heavily for doing that. Daily gratitude and even finding little things I used to do this with my kids when we would go to school is, um, I'd have them pick three things, three things that they were grateful for. They couldn't repeat the same thing like within a week's time, and they couldn't say what someone else said. They had to come up with their own stuff, and so we got really creative. About a month in from starting this, you know, like trying to think outside the box, I mean, I remember some of the things were like I'm really grateful for traffic cones so that we don't drive in that big, huge pothole, and I'm so grateful for safety locks on the car door when we're driving through the bad time, you know, bad side of town. I'm so grateful for, um, the way that the leaves are changing colors.
Alisha Coakley:Now, you know, like we I mean my kids and I really had to start looking for those blessings, and it's like it just made us so much more aware of being in the present and not not going through that like, oh, our shattered future Now we have to figure it out.
Alisha Coakley:Or oh, all of this past stuff actually means this instead, and we didn't have to create stories for either time period.
Alisha Coakley:We could just be in this present moment and just be grateful for what it was, and sometimes that was like the only thing that I could do was sit there. For me it was, it was the mountains in Ogden, the North Ogden mountain, you know, area there, um, and that was a place where I would just go and if I could see a little bit of it, I could just sit and be grateful for that moment of seeing those mountains and so, um, I love that that you focused on that and I highly recommend it for anybody who's going through any kind of garbage. Seriously, there are so much power in our brain and heavenly father knew it and that's why he talks about gratitude over and over and over again in the scriptures is because it literally changes our brain and it helps us to go out into this next stage of life where we can progress and grow and be better and be stronger and be able to get through things. So definitely good advice there.
Scott Brandley:So if somebody wants to get ahold of you, Melissa, what what options do they have available?
Melissa Rollins:Well, I have a website, melissariding. com, so riding's my maiden name, and I kind of went through some some branding and tried to figure some things out. Some of us writing dot com instagram is writing with melissa a little play on words there and I do a lot of stuff in my car, right? So those are the. Those are probably the two best ways. Awesome, so riding like riding a bike.
Alisha Coakley:Gotcha, we'll make sure that we put the description or the links to your all of your things in the description here. So, um, if anybody would like to get ahold of Melissa, you guys can go ahead and do that, or you can reach out to us. We'll. We can get you guys connected too. That's a good way to do it. But, um, well, melissa, thank you so much for coming on again, for sharing your story, sharing your light with us.
Alisha Coakley:Um, this has just been a really wonderful pot. I just feel so good. I just feel so light and airy and wonderful. Um, we are so, so grateful for you and and we're so grateful for our listeners for tuning into um guys, we're going to ask you, like we do every single episode please, please, please, do your five second missionary work. You have no idea who needs to hear this and when they need to hear it, so just blast it all over your social media, hit that share button, leave a comment for Melissa. Let us know you know what today in this conversation really helped you to? Um, strengthen your testimony. What questions maybe do you have? What experiences do you guys have too? We would love to hear from you guys. So, um, be sure that you guys share Melissa's story today and and give us your thoughts.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, and if you have a story that you would like to share, send us an email at latterdaylightsatgmailcom and we'd love to have you on the show as well. And, melissa, it has been an absolute treat, um, thank you so much for sharing your story. It was very inspiring and we really appreciate it thank you all right, guys.
Alisha Coakley:well, that's all we have for you for this sunday, so stay tuned for our next episode next week and until then, we hope you guys have a wonderful week. We'll talk to you later.
Scott Brandley:Take care.
