The "Mere I"
We are not born with a name or personal sense of “I.” We are not born with habit patterns, perceptual templates, reactive tendencies, judgements, or a personal history. These are acquired over time from a cascading series of life experiences recorded in memory and mentally strung together to provide an illusory sense of continuity. In this manner our personal “I” develops over time in both content and complexity. Let’s look at these levels of development.
The most basic “I,” the mere “I,” is the simple and innocent awareness characteristic of the young child. This foundational identity is minimally developed yet it’s sufficient to navigate the basic aspects of a young child’s existence. The mere “I” lacks historical content or patterns of action and reaction. It functions in the present moment. It experiences and responds to what is as is, uncolored by interpretations and commentary.
The second level of ego development is the reified “I.” This shift is critical. It transforms the simple mere “I” into a seemingly solid ad independent entity, our personal self. This personal self progressively becomes the center of a mentally constructed individual self. Our natural self, a simple and pure moment-to-moment awareness, is covered over and recedes from view. We fabricate a separate, individual self that fosters disconnection and hyper-individualism.
The third level of ego development is the self-cherishing “I.” The perception of a distinct and individual “I” disconnects us from our original experience of oneness. We are separated from our natural inner self, other individuals, and our environment. This gives rise to a sense of “I and other” and “I and It.” We begin to cherish and care for this made-up separate “individual self,” as who we are. This shift is accompanied by a growing sense of aloneness, isolation, and insecurity, at times subtle and at times apparent.
This leads to the fourth level of development, the self-protective “I.” As we increasingly experience our personal self as separate and distinct and cherish our individual self, we seek to protect and defend it from perceived harm – from others or life’s difficult circumstances. This protectiveness and defensiveness diminishes an openness of heart, leading to further disconnection.
The fifth and final level of ego development is the “cultural I.” Having lost connection to our natural self, the heart center of our being, we are taught to turn towards the outer world to attain security, peace, and happiness, qualities that although forgotten are always and already present in our natural self. The “cultural I” learns to compete, achieve, and establish attitudes and behaviors that are socially and culturally rewarded.
That’s where we are, an individualized, disconnected, protective, and defensive ego structure. Long forgotten is the simple, easeful, and innocent “mere I,” which was once sufficient to navigate worldly life and enjoy it. Instead of upgrading the “mere “I” as needed to respond to a more demanding adult experience, we manufacture a multi-level, complex, seemingly solid and self-sustaining ego structure.
The five-level ego self is the default we use to navigate both the outer world and the complexities of the inner world. This self-cherishing protective self leads to an entirely new set of difficulties. Self-imposed anxiety, mood disorders, stress, isolation, and disturbed relationships are the result of this complex and confused personal “I.” It’s effort to control, organize, and manipulate people and circumstances seeks security, happiness, and safety. Such efforts may achieve temporary success, however these moments are time limited and perishable.
The ego cannot restore the peace, simplicity, ease, and happiness that was forgotten when we lost contact with our natural self, our inner home. Given this dilemma –a complex and unworkable sense of “I” – how do we find our way through this self-created conflict and confusion?
First, we must know what has happened, which begins by understanding the multi-level mental development of the personal “I.” Second, we must let go of the belief that we are that personal “I,”– the belief that this complex mental creation is who we truly are. Finally, we must re-assert our natural self as the center of our being.
As we become increasingly frustrated and disillusioned with the notion and consequences of a complex personal “I,” we can begin to deconstruct its more onerous elements, re-establish through meditation the presence of our true inner self, and progressively return to the mere “I” as a minimal persona that can help us navigate day-to-day life without the complexities and afflictions of a hyper-developed “I.” The mere “I” can be held lightly, upgraded as needed, and applied when appropriate to navigate daily life.
Try this in your own life. When navigating a conversation or circumstance drop the concerns and posturing of your social “I,” then your fear-based protective and defensive “I,” and finally your ego-cherishing “I.” What remains is your mere “I” that is informed by your deeper self. It is flexible, wise, and can navigate your circumstance swiftly and peacefully, and then dissolve back into your heart. You can also do this in meditation.
When you become fully aware of the five levels of the personal “I,” they will lose their solidity and tenacity and you will slowly return to your foundational true self, relying when needed only on the mere “I.” And there, in this natural spaciousness, you will find peace and a permanent end to suffering.
