Lucky in Friendship, Love, and Life

In Episode 23 of True Tales by Disability Advocates, hosts MsBoye, Jennifer McKinney, and Adam Griebel welcome storyteller, actor, dancer, and friend Juan Munoz. Juan shares with MsBoye touching and humorous stories about his friendships, his childhood, and his enduring love with his late wife Susie. They discuss his journey as a dancer and his involvement with Actual Lives Austin Theater Group.  Juan's reflections on love and loss offer a poignant exploration of his life and relationships. He opens up with vulnerability & honesty,  about the challenges and blessings he encountered in his life.  Listen to hear how Juan's radical decision to embrace dance and his unwavering bond with Susie shaped his extraordinary journey and have become the foundations for his future adventures.

Guest Bio

Juan Munez, born in Santa Maria, California, is a storyteller, actor, and certified dance instructor. Passionate about inclusive dance, Juan initially focused on teaching dance to individuals of all abilities. His journey later took him to Austin, Texas, where he performed with the Actual Lives Austin Theater Group and shared poignant, often humorous stories about his experiences. A devoted person of faith, Juan advocates for religious communities to be inclusive and accessible. His life reflects a deep commitment to community, connection, and creativity, showing how challenges can spark advocacy and the desire to build empathy and understanding through storytelling. His enduring dedication to his late wife Susie and their shared adventures exemplify a life richly lived with love and resilience.

Links

Art Spark Dance

Body Shift Collective

DanceAbility International

For more details about our programs go to Art Spark Texas, True Tales Podcast Page.

Transcript

Theme Tune - Scandinavian-Sunbathers-7385 ​

Kristen Gooch 0:09

Welcome to True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast, authentic voices of people thriving with disabilities, where individuals use the art of storytelling to change the world.

John Beer 0:22

The True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast is produced by Art Spark Texas, Speaking Advocates Program. The free virtual training is open to people of all disabilities, no matter where you live.

Kamand Alaghehband 0:35

Keep listening to hear how life's challenges can spark a desire to speak out, and Advocate for yourselves and others.

MsBoye 0:50

Hello, you're listening to The True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast. Changing the world one story at a time. This is the show where advocates harness the power of storytelling to build community with their peers and develop empathy in others. Hello, everyone, I'm MsBoye.

Jennifer 1:09

I'm Jennifer McKinney,

Adam 1:11

I'm Adam Griebel,

Transition Music - Children-logo-116101

MsBoye Welcomes Juan

MsBoye 1:12

and we are your hosts for season three. Hi, I'm MsBoye, and, um, I'm the host for this, Episode 23, Lucky in Friendship, Love and Life. And I am here with Juan Munoz, who is a storyteller, an actor, a dancer, and I'm very happy to say, friend of mine And like me, he met a girl and traveled all the way across the country to be with her. Uh, I am really happy to be able to have this chat, chat with Juan, I've missed him. But now he's in Austin this week, so, we're going to have a little chat and he's going to bring us, he's got some stories that we're going to share with you. Uh, first of all, welcome Juan and, yeah, thanks for doing this with us.

Juan 2:12

Thank you MsBoye, um, I'm real honored to be here.

MsBoye 2:25

You know, I remember when we first met, um, one of the first things you told me about yourself was that you were a dancer and that you liked to teach, you, you were teaching men dance classes for men.

Juan 2:40

Yep.

MsBoye 2:41

That's one of your passions right?

Juan 2:43

Yes. Umm, I took a little course and I'm a certified dance instructor. Umm...

MsBoye 3:04

So, you took training to become a certified dance instructor.

Juan 3:09

Yes.

MsBoye 3:10

And why did you particularly want to work with men?

Juan 3:15

Well, it wasn't men, it was all different abilities.

MsBoye 3:28

Oh, so at first you were interested in dance for folks with all different abilities, right? So it's inclusive, improvised dance that anyone can do, but it's only later that you started doing groups for men.

Juan 3:43

Yeah.

MsBoye 3:44

You know, um, that's a pretty cool, pretty radical thing for you to do, you know, because a lot of guys, especially around our age, your age, my age, I'm older than you, but, um, you know, guys our age didn't get to dance, right? I mean, dance just wasn't a guy thing to do when we were growing up. Let alone a kid with a disability who had a habit of falling down all the time.(Chuckles) In a way, in a way, you choosing to dance and teach dance was, is a very radical thing to do.

Juan 4:21

Yeah. It was fun.

MsBoye 4:25

It was fun.

Juan 4:26

Yeah.

MsBoye 4:27

Yeah, I've seen you dance, it's beautiful.

Juan 4:31

Thank you.

MsBoye 4:31

You're so welcome. Uh, I think we should listen to your first two pieces that were written and performed, um, for, for Actual Lives Austin. Are you ready?

Juan 4:43

Yeah.

Transition Music - Sunshine---Trans-3

MsBoye 4:46

Brilliant! I can't wait to hear them. Um, I want to tell everybody that usually in the show, we have guests read one longer story, but we're changing things up this episode. Juan, Celia, and I have put together shorter pieces, and we've separated them into three categories Friendship, Luck, and Love. This first section is about the power of friendships, especially Juan's friendships with other guys. It also shows how, you Juan embraced being a rule breaking, radical type of guy, even from an early age.​

Juan 5:28

Hi my name is Juan Munez Um, I'm gonna read some things.​McDonald's, I'm loving it! When I was a kid, I had an older friend named Del. He worked at the Boys Club. He took me under his wing.

Alan 6:04

"Hey Juan, wanna go eat at McDonalds?!"

Juan 6:07

Do you mean eat there or take it out to the car?"

Alan 6:14

"We're gonna eat there!"

Juan 6:14

"I can't do that."

Alan 6:17

"Why?!"

Juan 6:18

"Because I'm embarrassed to eat in front of people, I make a mess."

Alan 6:29

"Don't worry about it! People are paid to clean it up. And besides... who cares? I think we've gotta go in and just have a good time!"

Juan 6:37

"That was the first time eating out at a restaurant. I was fourteen year old. McDonald's, I'm loving it ever since." Giggles The Last Time I Talked to Dell The last time I ever talked to Dell, it was a Monday night. He was old and had really bad asthma. We would call each other every Monday night. We would talk for twenty minutes. This night was weird. When I got off the phone, I told my wife,"I'm never going to talk to him again." I just knew this. Two days later he was gone.

MsBoye 8:17

Thanks, Juan. Those stories are so sweet, reflect your sense of humor and, um, they're really tender. So, thank you for sharing them. Um, what I want to talk about right now is, um, California. that's where you first met your wife Susie, wasn't it?

Early Life and Meeting Susie

Juan 8:38

Um, I met Susie when I was nine and she was ten. Um, we went to a Special Ed school. That, um, we were in Santa Maria California.

MsBoye 9:12

So, you were both at a Special Ed school at, um, in, in Santa Maria, California?

Juan 9:18

Yeah. Umm, when she came in, um, to meet the class. The first day she came in and look at the class And, uh, she took a tour of the class and when she left I told my teacher,"I'm gonna marry her one day!"

MsBoye 10:06

Ha! So, here she is, new girl in town, she wanders around the class and gets a tour, and there's this little boy in the back going,"Mm hmm, I'm going to marry that girl one day."

Juan 10:20

I told my teacher that!

MsBoye 10:23

You actually told your teacher that you were going to marry her. Mm.

Juan 10:26

Yeah, and we laughed every year. AHHHHHHHHH!(Laughs)...Um,

MsBoye 10:35

(Giggles)

Juan 10:37

and we dated off and on for many years

MsBoye 10:48

hahumm.

Long-Distance Relationship Challenges

Juan 10:49

after that. At seventeen she moved to Austin. The family...relocated here. Um, we stayed in touch.

MsBoye 11:10

Stayed in touch. Okay. Of course you stayed in touch. You, you were going to be willing to let that girl go easily, were you?

Juan 11:18

Yeah For a couple of years and then, um, she asked me to"go steady"! And I said,"Yes!"(Laughs)...umm, For two years we flew back and forth every six months..

MsBoye 11:56

You actually moved back and forth every six months?

Juan 12:00

No, no, no. We flew

MsBoye 12:04

Flew... back and forth, oh, I get it. So, Susie being Susie, she asked you to go steady. Mm hmm, because she knew what you wanted, and then you would, like, fly back and forth every six months.

Juan 12:21

Yeah, one, one, one would go one way and the other one went the other way.

MsBoye 12:31

So, one would fly one way, one would fly the other way, and that's how you stayed in touch.

Juan 12:36

Yeah.

MsBoye 12:37

Long distance relationships are hard, especially when you're that young.

Juan 12:40

Yeah, it was very hard for a while.

Transition Music - Cartoon-intro-13087

Juan Stories #2 - Love

MsBoye 12:51

I, uh, I love the story that you wrote about the very first time, uh, that you met Susie and how you may not have been looking your best and didn't really give her the best impression. So, this seems like a perfect place to stop and take time out to listen to, uh, that story and two other pieces about Susie in your story compilation about Love.

Transition Music -Ukulele-jingle-cheerful-happy-bright-148415

Juan 13:23

The Helmet When I was five years old, even though I was in a wheelchair, I wore a helmet because I fell so much. It looked like an old football helmet. At ten I went from the wheelchair to the walker. I still fell a lot. By the time I was thirteen I got rid of the walker, I fell every time I took a step. When I turned sixteen, I got better at falling. The first time that Susie met me I had the helmet on. She thought I was a weirdo. Little giggle The Booth in the Mall The first time I came to Texas to see Susie, It was the first time I, I had been away from my family in a big city. I, uh, I was scared shitless. Susie and I went to the mall a couple times a week. We had fifty dollars a day to spend. I remember that we took a picture in, in one of those little booths. Susie, had to get out of her wheelchair to get in to the booth. I got her laughing so hard she fell out of the booth. A UPS guy picked her up and put her back in her wheelchair. We had shirts made from one of those pictures, with the words,“See you in my dreams.” My relationship to Spaghetti Spaghetti and I do not get along. I like, Spaghetti but it does not like me. I, I cannot wind it up on the fork. I get it all over me. I get it all over the table. I get it all over the roof! They make it too long! My wife makes me feed her spaghetti., I do a really good job feeding spaghetti to her because the fork goes away from me!

MsBoye 18:17

I, I can't express how much I love the way your stories convey the spirit of your relationship. Well, what I was able to see of your relationship with Susie. The playfulness, the joy, the deep love. And, and earlier you told us that for you it was love at first sight. Um, you want to say more about Susie's first experience of, of meeting you? Um, uh, yeah, you probably. You didn't feel like you were looking your best when she walked into that classroom and saw you for the first time? So what did Susie think of you when she first met you?

Juan 18:56

Wait, let me sit up. Okay. When Susie met me... I was sitting at a typewriter and I was doing my work, wearing the helmet. She thought I was a weirdo!(Big Laughter) Laughter

MsBoye 19:30

Was she right?

Juan 19:32

ummm!

MsBoye 19:33

In a good way!

Juan 19:34

In a good way, yes!, Yeah, yeah! Laughs

MsBoye 19:39

(Laughs)

Juan 19:40

Ummm.

MsBoye 19:41

You both have a great sense of humor.

Juan 19:43

Yeah!

MsBoye 19:44

You matched sense of humors.

Juan 19:47

I mean, Susie was my life. I miss her... You know?

Actual Lives Austin

MsBoye 19:53

I do know. That was blatantly clear for everybody to see. So, um, I wanna jump ahead a little bit now to your life in Austin and, um, about, uh, I wanna talk about the uh, Actual Lives, Austin Theater Group, uh, that all of these pieces were written for. Um, from what I can tell you and Susie became an an essential part of actual lives, right?

Juan 20:24

Yeah, I was. Um.

MsBoye 20:27

OK. What made you go to Actual Lives? You went together with Susie?

Juan 20:33

Well I had to drive Susie everywhere and then...

MsBoye 20:41

Huhmm.

Juan 20:42

I asked Susie,"Can I join with you? We could do it together." She goes,"Yeah, yeah, yeah! So, she asked Chris, and she goes,"Yeah, come on." and...

MsBoye 21:02

Had you ever acted before? Have you ever done that at school or anything?

Juan 21:06

No, no, no, no, I haven't acted or nothing, I'm like, why not? If I fail I fail If, if I did good, I would do good.

MsBoye 21:24

Haha Yeah. Yeah. And you had fun?

Life Now

Juan 21:28

Yes.

MsBoye 21:31

So now you're back in California.

Juan 21:36

Yeah

MsBoye 21:37

And where are you living?

Juan 21:39

I live with my sister and her husband.

MsBoye 21:47

Your sister and her husband.

Juan 21:48

Yeah. Because I lost my, I lost Susie a year ago.

MsBoye 22:02

Yeah.

Juan 22:03

And um, I, um, I said to myself,"Okay, what am I going to do with myself,? And, when Susie was alive, I went to my sister, and I go, I asked her,"If Susie dies what am I gonna do?" Well...

MsBoye 22:46

Alright, so you asked your sister, like,"What am I gonna do when she dies?"

Juan 22:50

Yeah, because Susie, Susie was getting sick at that point.

MsBoye 22:59

Right.

Juan 23:00

And, luckily my sister was... she goes,"You could come live with me. Don't you worry about that."

MsBoye 23:17

Alright.

Juan 23:18

And that's what I did, I packed my bags...

MsBoye 23:26

mm

Juan 23:27

..And moved. I mean, I, I've been there a year now, so...

MsBoye 23:38

Oh, I know that for you it's probably dragged, but it only seems a few weeks ago or something that you were packing up your stuff and I remember us talking about your decision to move and how that was what you needed to do. Um, but I know for you, it's probably been a really long year.

Juan 23:58

I, I still miss her. I've been together for thirty-two years with Susie.

MsBoye 24:10

How many years, how long were you and Susie together?

Juan 24:13

Thirty-two years,

MsBoye 24:17

Thirty-two years you were together and she was your life.

Juan 24:22

Yep, but we'd known each other forty-two years, yep. We were a big part of, uh, each other. It's like, we grew up together.

MsBoye 24:43

Right. Well you did grow up together.

Juan 24:46

Yeah

MsBoye 24:47

Yeah, you really did and you had a wonderful life.

Juan 24:50

I mean, we had a great life before cancer took over... I mean.

MsBoye 25:03

Yeah, I know that was hard. It's, it is hard. It's hard for everybody. And at the same time, it's clear that the depth of your grief comes from how deeply you loved her and You know, it's like grief holds hands or coexists with your awareness that your relationship with her was such a gift, you know, the grief and sadness, and I expect some anger too, can't wipe out your gratitude for the gift. And what a gift. I mean, particularly as two young folks with disabilities in a world, an ableist world, where. Not so long ago, those kind of relationships weren't allowed, and even today, they are often made to be difficult. You two made it happen for each other, and I know that there is no way to fill that hole in your heart, or in your life.

Juan 25:59

Oh yeah, we, we, we used to go everywhere together. We went to...the ball games, on vacation, we made a life together.

MsBoye 26:19

Yeah. Yeah, you did, uh, you made a life with her and now you are learning how to make a life without her. Um, you know, that's a really wonderful way of honoring her.

Juan 26:37

And I honor her because the...

MsBoye 26:41

uhum.

Juan 26:41

Because if the situation was the other way around I wouldn't want her to mope around and give up.

MsBoye 26:56

Right, yeah. That's a really important insight, Juan. It's a great moment of empathy and courage. I mean, you can allow yourself your grief, but you also know that she wouldn't want you to be miserable. She loved you, and she would want you to live. And um, that's amazing.

Juan 27:20

Umm you know I'd want her to We've gotta go on I mean that's all I'm going to do is go on I miss her a lot, but I gotta go on with my life.

Transition Music-- Friendlyguitarsound_j008bwav-14758

MsBoye 27:43

Ahum. Yeah, in a way you've got to create a new life. Um, you know, you were very blessed and lucky to have found each other, which brings us to the last of your story combinations based, focused around luck. So, uh, let's listen to a couple of short pieces about luck and give everybody a little insight into the role luck has played in your life.

Transition Music - Jolly Boat clip - short tag

Juan 28:23

Poker Face People always tell me I got a a kind face. I have a good Poker Face. Nobody can read my Poker Face. They cannot tell if I have a good hand or a bad hand. Is that just a good thing or a bad thing too? Cha Ching. The first time I went to Vegas, I played the slot machines first, and I lost my ass. So I went to go look for a poker game and I found one for thirty bucks. But I lost my ass on that one too. The next day, I found a machine called"Deal or No Deal." It was a very good deal to me! I won five hundred bucks. Cha ching." I decided to take the money and roll. At the airport I won another forty bucks.

MsBoye 30:34

So you mentioned that you and Susie would go to baseball games. I heard that you used to go all the time to baseball games, and you were, like, really well known at the Dell Diamond.

Juan 30:49

Yeah! Before Susie and I Before Susie got sick, we used to go to every Landmark, the best games. And umm, we knew the owners. We knew the staff. They kind of adopted us.(Big Laugh!)

MsBoye 31:25

You knew the owners, knew all the staff, and they kind of adopted you.

Juan 31:29

Yeah, we'd go to pay to get in and...."No, no that's okay!"(Giggles)

MsBoye 31:36

HA! You didn't even Have to pay to get in?

Juan 31:39

No.

MsBoye 31:41

Oh my goodness, you're such a charmer!

Juan 31:44

We, we, we got a lot from them.

MsBoye 31:50

Um, um. You, you got a lot from them? What, like free hot dogs and popcorn or something? I don't know whatever it is you have at baseball games.

Juan 32:00

We got a van donated by them.

MsBoye 32:05

Hang on, hang on. They, they gave you a van? How the heck did that happen? That's a bit more than a hot dog.

Juan 32:12

I told them one time,"We're not gonna come out no more." And the owner goes,"Why you don't like us no more?" I told them,"No my transmission's going out."

MsBoye 32:40

And that'll do it.

Juan 32:43

And you know it's It was seventy miles both ways.

MsBoye 32:54

Woah, wait up! I'm sorry, Juan. I don't think I heard that properly. Because what I heard you say was seventy miles both ways. Surely you mean seventeen or something.

Juan 33:07

Seventy!

MsBoye 33:09

SEVENTY! Oh my gosh, you're passionate about that sport!

Juan 33:12

(Laughs) Yeah! But so the next day the owner called me up,"Juan and Suzie I need you at the ballpark. I need you at the ballpark, like, two hours before."

MsBoye 33:42

So, out of the blue, you get a phone call at home from the owners and, uh, telling you to get to the ballpark two hours early, huh?

Juan 33:54

And they donated an accessible van for me.

MsBoye 34:01

Oh, they sent an accessible van for you?

Juan 34:03

No, they donated.

MsBoye 34:06

Oh, they donated an accessible van to you!

Juan 34:09

Yeah.

MsBoye 34:10

Wow!

Juan 34:12

He goes,"The only thing I ask you yo do is come to ball games." Laughs) Of course, I go,"We could do that!"(Laughs)

Baseball & Universal Support

MsBoye 34:28

Yeah, that was a price you were willing to pay.

Juan 34:30

Giggles... Yeah!

MsBoye 34:32

That is a fabulous story, but that wasn't all, was it? I mean, I heard that there was another time when they stepped up to help you.

Juan 34:40

Yes. They bought Susie a manual wheelchair.

MsBoye 34:47

Oh, and they bought her a manual wheelchair when she couldn't use her electric one anymore. Huh? Wow.

Juan 34:59

When Susie died um I opened Go-Fund-Me account. He donated the money.

MsBoye 35:09

So, when Suzy died in order to help with her funeral expenses, you did a GoFundMe, and they donated money to that.

Juan 35:18

Yes,

Segue Ping-Cumbia-banda-2716 - Outro clip

Last Questions

MsBoye 35:19

Okay, got it. Well, they just sound like amazing people and very generous, and they obviously really care for you and Susie. Uh, that's just amazing. I'm very impressed. Um, I think that would be a sweet place for us to end this chat. Oh, oh, hang on, hang on... I almost forgot. It just occurred to me, I do have one other little question for you, if that's okay? They laugh.)

Juan 35:54

Yeah.

MsBoye 35:55

So, if there are any young lovers out there listening to this? What advice would you give to young folks, who are in love and, are fighting the system that doesn't support that love? What would you want them to know? Or even what would you want your young self to know?

Juan 36:15

Um, never go to bed mad.

MsBoye 36:23

Never go to bed mad.

Juan 36:26

You could go to bed angry, but never go to bed mad.

MsBoye 36:40

Okay.

Juan 36:41

I mean, another day is another day.

MsBoye 36:46

Isn't that the truth? That is just a fact. And there is no way, oh, there's no way getting away from that.

Juan 36:54

I mean, if you go to bed, mad, you're gonna wake up mad...

MsBoye 37:02

Yeah. Okay.

Juan 37:04

and life is too short to be mad.

MsBoye 37:10

Life is too short to be mad. Blessed be!

Juan 37:14

Laughs) Yeah!

MsBoye 37:16

Laughs)

Juan 37:17

Yeah!(Laughter)

MsBoye 37:22

Hey, have you found a church? A church community was really important for you and Susie together. Have you found one in California?

Juan 37:29

Yes I did, I, I I go to a church that accept accept me and love me and I'm happy.

MsBoye 37:43

You're happy?

Juan 37:44

I'm I'm going to church.

MsBoye 37:46

Okay, good.

Juan 37:47

Yeah.

MsBoye 37:48

Good. Because I know spirituality was a big part of your life here.

Juan 37:51

Oh, yeah, Um, Los Dios was with me everywhere I go.

MsBoye 38:02

You know, have you heard that saying, uh, wherever you go, there you are? But the other part of that is, wherever you go, there you are, and God is with you everywhere too. So, that is so true.

Juan 38:18

You know. Mm hmm.

MsBoye 38:20

Yeah, I do. Thank you, Juan. This was great. Is there anything else you wanna say?

Juan 38:27

Nope. Thank you!

MsBoye 38:29

Well, Juan, I am really glad that you came back to Austin and we were able to record this today. Um, and I want you to know we miss you in Austin, and I want to thank you for everything you did for Actual Lives and dancing here in Austin with Art Spark Dance. And um, I really hope that you get to have, well, I don't hope, I know you are going to have a ton more adventures out there in the world in this next phase of your life.

Juan 39:02

Thank you..

MsBoye 39:03

That's it.

Juan 39:04

Okay.

MsBoye 39:05

Great!

Juan 39:06

(Juan laughs) Thank you!

Transition Music - Children-logo-116101

Thank you & Call to Action

Podcast Outro

MsBoye 39:08

Thank you. Thank you for listening to the third season of True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, oh, please share it with your friends and talk about us on social media. If you're feeling particularly adventurous, consider leaving us a review on Facebook or even on your favorite podcast platform, and of course, don't forget to follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Goodbye, everybody, and have a wonderful day.

Kamand Alaghehband 39:40

All episodes of The True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast, are free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and anywhere you get your podcasts.

John Beer 39:50

The program is funded in part by a grant from the Texas State Independent Living Council, the Administration for Community Living, and individuals like you.

Kristen Gooch 40:01

To learn more about The Speaking Advocates Program, sign up for our newsletter at Artspark T X dot org. That's A R T S P A R K T X dot O R G.