Motor City Hypnotist
Managing Negative Thoughts
Ever grapple with thoughts that seem to sabotage your peace of mind? Well, buckle up as we join forces with a master hypnotist to unearth the root of those pesky negative thought patterns. We're not just talking about the woes of the mind, though; we've got a platter of heartwarming tales and a sprinkle of humor to keep you hooked. From the heroics of quick-thinking barbers to the pure joy of laughter's healing powers, this episode packs an emotional punch that's sure to resonate with your soul.
Prepare to chuckle and be moved as we zip through the true story of a man and a fox—talk about an unlikely friendship! Alongside this tender narrative, we'll dissect the trickery of cognitive distortions. The way we think can be a maze, and with our guest's insights, we're breaking down the walls of overgeneralization, labeling, and those pesky 'should' statements. It's not just about pointing out the pitfalls; we're laying out a roadmap to a healthier, more realistic mindset, one thought at a time.
Now, don't think we'll leave you in the lurch when tempers flare. Our episode takes a deep dive into the calm waters of mindful reflection to navigate the stormy seas of anger. Sharing personal stories and the occasional stumble along the way, we emerge with strategies that can turn rage into a constructive force. And as if that's not enough to keep your ears perked, the charming tale of Bob Dunlop and that friendly neighborhood fox will leave you with a cozy feeling that humanity and nature can indeed share a harmonious bond. So, settle in and let's embark on this journey together.
FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
(Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!)
Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
Ever grapple with thoughts that seem to sabotage your peace of mind? Well, buckle up as we join forces with a master hypnotist to unearth the root of those pesky negative thought patterns. We're not just talking about the woes of the mind, though; we've got a platter of heartwarming tales and a sprinkle of humor to keep you hooked. From the heroics of quick-thinking barbers to the pure joy of laughter's healing powers, this episode packs an emotional punch that's sure to resonate with your soul.
Prepare to chuckle and be moved as we zip through the true story of a man and a fox—talk about an unlikely friendship! Alongside this tender narrative, we'll dissect the trickery of cognitive distortions. The way we think can be a maze, and with our guest's insights, we're breaking down the walls of overgeneralization, labeling, and those pesky 'should' statements. It's not just about pointing out the pitfalls; we're laying out a roadmap to a healthier, more realistic mindset, one thought at a time.
Now, don't think we'll leave you in the lurch when tempers flare. Our episode takes a deep dive into the calm waters of mindful reflection to navigate the stormy seas of anger. Sharing personal stories and the occasional stumble along the way, we emerge with strategies that can turn rage into a constructive force. And as if that's not enough to keep your ears perked, the charming tale of Bob Dunlop and that friendly neighborhood fox will leave you with a cozy feeling that humanity and nature can indeed share a harmonious bond. So, settle in and let's embark on this journey together.
FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
(Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!)
Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast I'm going to help you manage your negative thoughts. So thinking has a lot to do with mental health. If we think poorly or negatively, we're going to feel that. So I'm going to kind of go over how negative thoughts come about, how they can affect you and then what you can do about them. And as usual, you know we give away free stuff, whatever. I mean not a million bucks, but maybe someday, who knows. Okay, all right, folks, we'll be right back. Hang in there.
Speaker 2:Get ready for the Motor City hypnotist, david R Wright. Originating from the suburbs of Detroit, michigan, he has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome the Motor City Hypnotist.
Speaker 1:David R Wright. What is going on, my friends? This is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist. We're back with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast. Hello David, hello Matt, that is Matt Fox, the other voice you hear. Yes, it is, we are here. If you're on Facebook Live, we are actually live. Yes, as we speak, this is your voice. Southfield Studios it's happening right now I just hopped into the last 10 minutes of the man Cave Happy Hour podcast and got myself a drink, so that's all good there.
Speaker 3:Hey, we were in the new parlor, yes, of the man Cave.
Speaker 1:Happy Hour suite. In case you guys want to see the new parlor, they actually brought a bar in. It's a fantastic setup for, like, if you want to demonstrate something. Yeah, you know, if you have a podcast, you need a bar, for which maybe our podcast should have that, yeah the co-host.
Speaker 3:Owner of the podcast.
Speaker 1:He's like.
Speaker 3:I'm calling an audible and he brought in a bar, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So check out man Cave Happy Hour to check out the new setup.
Speaker 2:Thanks for that New bar, and yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Appreciate it Good times. So let me tell you, folks, first where you can find me. My website is MotorCityHematistcom and I've gotten a couple of requests over the last week for shows. Unfortunately, I've been booked on those nights, so time is here. I was back in Iowa this past weekend. Shout out to Beckman Catholic High School. You were in Iowa, Iowa yeah, twice, I was in Iowa one weekend. I went back to Iowa this past weekend. It's an eight-hour drive right About. Yeah, give or take a few minutes, and this weekend I'm in Galesburg Illinois.
Speaker 3:That's only well with the time change. That's probably a seven, seven and some change With the time change. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, right, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, good times, uh, and you're busy. Yeah, it's uh. You know it's fun, it's, it's kind of nice because I right now it's just once a week on the weekends, on saturday nights, because that's when these proms are happening. But once grad season starts, it's weeknights, weekends, middle of the night, yeah all right, so good time.
Speaker 3:So don't pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Sure I gotta share every monday morning when you're doing your. You know, I know you're out and about doing your thing on the weekend, monday morning I'll send you a message. Hey, are you recording tonight? Because I just never know if you're going to be dead on your feet from the weekend. I was dead on my feet yesterday because.
Speaker 1:So here's what this is, just my own body clock or whatever. When I get done with a show, I'm hyped up, so like, for example, the show at Beckman this past weekend started at 1230. In the morning, 1230, yeah, in the morning. So did an hour show. It was about 130. By the time I got back to my hotel room, it was probably like 2, 215-ish. Okay, bars are closed. It was about 1.30. By the time I got back to my hotel room, it was probably like 2, 2.15-ish Okay.
Speaker 2:Bars are closed and I couldn't sleep Of course I can't sleep.
Speaker 1:So what I do is I just get back to my room, pack up and start driving. Oh wow, I drive until I'm tired. Then I'll pull over into a rest area. So you have a routine.
Speaker 2:Catch a nap you.
Speaker 1:This time I pulled over to the rest area. I think I may have slept not even an hour. And then you ever get. When you're in a car you get like the heebie-jeebies, like you just have to get out and walk.
Speaker 3:Let me go back. No, because I don't sleep in my car at 3 o'clock in the morning. Well, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly. But I just woke up and I just couldn't get comfortable. It was just like so I'm like, okay, I need to get out and walk.
Speaker 3:You said heebie-jeebies, and I'm thinking. You know, you think something's happening that you're not comfortable.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, I'm thinking more like you just can't get relaxed. It's like everything like your muscles want to move.
Speaker 2:Do you ever have?
Speaker 3:that feeling your brain is firing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there was no way I was going to sleep some more, so then I just got walked to the rest area, used the bathroom and got back on the road. So yeah, by Sunday night I was working on like 45 minutes of sleep from the night before. Dude, dude, I slept great last night. I'm sure you did. Well, you look rested. Well, I mean I did and I golfed today, I don't know why.
Speaker 2:It's just you know, and I'm liking you less and less. Yes, I know Every single week.
Speaker 1:You know what was not a great golf day, but hey, whatever.
Speaker 3:It wasn't raining this morning. Did it? No, it wasn't.
Speaker 1:It was really windy, that was the only thing, but the temperature was warm, it was like 72 degrees.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but you got to try your skills out in all elements. Well, your skills out in the all elements.
Speaker 1:Well, sure.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 1:Especially with Wynn, because you got to plan for that.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, that's part of it.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, good on you, man. So my website, motorcityhypnotistcom. We're running out of time. If you want me for a grad night show those are all coming up soon Reach out to me on the website. You can get it done. I'm serious. Start to finish in probably 10 minutes. Check that out. Nicely done. My social media Facebook and YouTube are both Motor City Hypnotist, and Instagram and Snapchat, which are both Motor City Hypno. That's H-Y-P-N-O. Love it. And, as usual, we always give away a free hypnosis guide. Text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. Again, text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. Again, that's 313-800-8510. If you need that number, check the show notes. Or you can also just go to my website. The phone number is the same on the website as this one. You can text right to that number. Yep, fantastic, biggest thing. Wherever you're listening, whatever platform you're on, please leave a review. That would be super helpful. I know a lot of. I know people listen because I look at the data.
Speaker 3:Well, let me just preface by saying if you leave a review, it's going to be read.
Speaker 2:And it will be, taken into an account.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Because then we can understand, you know, what we might be doing great, what we might be doing wrong, and that's the great thing.
Speaker 1:What things do you like, what things do you not like? Is there a topic that you feel like we should talk about that we maybe have not done before?
Speaker 3:That's what reviews are for Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Because I want to give you information you can use, because the followers will come right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely. So we don't need to have you leave a review and get more followers. We don't need to have you leave a review and get more followers. We want to listen to what you're thinking, so we can.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Good point, matt, because, again, the feedback is great, because without feedback, you don't know Do people like this, do people not like this? What do they like, what don't they like? Yeah, very good insight on that, thank you. So, yeah, absolutely, Leave a review and connect, subscribe. You know whatever you have to do on your platform. Firstborn. Yeah, to get the podcast Fantastic oh, is it time, it is time.
Speaker 2:That's how winning is done.
Speaker 1:All right, all right. Do you want to hear a story about two barbers?
Speaker 3:Two barbers walk into a bar. Two barbers walk into a bar.
Speaker 1:Two barbers walk into a bar. One says I need a haircut. The other one says you have my scissors.
Speaker 3:I don't know what they said, the other one said ouch.
Speaker 1:No, the other one says you did this to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, points to his head.
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's crazy.
Speaker 3:I was at uh before you get into the yeah, the bar absolutely I, my, my, my, uh. I don't want to say I'm too old to have a girlfriend, my partner well, she's a girl and she's a friend, so it's girlfriend but she's my partner she's a woman's friend, she's my life partner, okay life partner.
Speaker 1:Life partner is great, perfect yes.
Speaker 3:We saw a couple of standups over the past few weeks. Nice, we saw Jeff Dunham Okay, you know, ventriloquist, very funny. We just saw Josh Blue.
Speaker 1:Yep. Do you know who Josh Blue is? I?
Speaker 3:know, I know who he is. Yes, he is one of the funniest people on this planet because he is so humble. We got to meet him, we got pictures with him. He's so down to earth. He's out there earning a living trying to raise kids like everybody else in this world. Absolutely. We had such a blast these past couple of weeks just going out. Because laughter is one of the best things you can do for your brain.
Speaker 1:You know what it's funny? You mentioned that and I'm going to jot down a note right now. Yes, it's funny. You mention that and I'm going to jot down a note right now. Yes, please, I want to do a podcast on the health benefits of laughter.
Speaker 3:Oh my goodness, we felt so much better because, you know, after Jeff Dunham we laughed our asses off and we felt so great the next day. We're still talking about it to this day. The following week, can we go see another stand-up comic?
Speaker 1:One of those on our bucket list?
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely, you know he had won Last Comic Standing the first season. It was on right. He was the first stand-up comic to perform on the Ellen DeGeneres show.
Speaker 1:Really yes.
Speaker 3:Okay, you know that kind of speaks volumes to his talent, right, but then AGT, he was on there as well. Right, yeah, talent right but then agt he was on there as well and he came in third, I believe, okay, and he got beat by a magician and he talked about being beat by a magician on agt. He's like don't they know that? It's not real well yeah, that's the magic.
Speaker 1:Magic is not real, it's comedy is real. That's what made it so funny anyway, absolutely, but laughter is so beneficial to the soul. Well, we're talking about and we're going to get into negative thoughts in a few minutes and we're going to talk about that, but this is the opposite of that. It's impossible to feel sad if you're laughing.
Speaker 3:Yeah you're absolutely correct.
Speaker 1:Your body's reaction to laughter is infectious and it's impossible to feel bad if you're laughing.
Speaker 3:Yes, Just the togetherness when you're laughing at something with somebody at the same time. It just makes it even that much better, absolutely so, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, speaking of our joke about two barbers, let me start with a story. Go ahead. Two barbers who dropped everything to save a little girl from traffic say they're simply dads with lucky timing. Oh, surveillance video posted to the Instagram account of Look Sharp Barbershop owner Osvaldo Lugo, okay, and his employee, rafael Santana Okay and his employee Rafael Santana shows the pair racing out of the establishment after a young girl who was running down the road by herself. How old is this young girl?
Speaker 3:Hopefully, we'll get to that. We'll get there.
Speaker 1:Hopefully Santana tells Todaycom that he was cutting hair in the East Hartford barbershop. When he saw a small pink reflection whiz by the window, I said yo, there's a little girl out there by herself At the shop. We joke around all day to make the hours go by, so I'm glad my co-workers believed me. Okay, it's like cry wolf type scenario, right, yeah, maybe Santana, a father of four with a baby on the way, says he's always vigilant, especially in public. I have to keep my eyes on my kids. Santana and Lugo ran out the door and chased the girl who was heading toward a busy intersection. As Lugo's Instagram video shows, lugo caught up with her at the crosswalk just before the intersection. Oh wow, lugo, a father of three, tells Todaycom that while running he kept thinking to himself you've got to get to her on time. It reminds me of the movie Pet Sematary.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when the father's running after his kid to get yes, and it's just out of his reach. You know what I mean. Sorry, and you see, didn't mean to bum out things. No, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:Don't shut me up. What was the little boy's name in?
Speaker 2:Pet Sematary.
Speaker 3:Gage, gage. Thank you, yes, thank you Yep. But it's the original Pet Sematary from the early 90s, right? Yes, yes, yes, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because the new one was awful, correct it. I just want to make sure we clarify that.
Speaker 2:Great Odin's Raven.
Speaker 1:No, no, that is very yes.
Speaker 3:That little boy who played Gage in that, oh my goodness, he was terrifying. Yes, yes, once he came back.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh, yeah, anyways, go on. Yes, yes, lugo. Oh wait, lugo stated I have a responsibility to this corner of the street, he says. When I grabbed her, she was yelling for her mom. I looked around and saw her mother at a bus stop around the corner.
Speaker 3:Wait.
Speaker 1:Still, how old is this girl? We'll get there. I hope we get there. Lugo walked the little girl back to her mother and who, lugo says, seemed confused and shocked, but grateful.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Then, then, with their clients waiting, the men returned to the barbershop. Barbershop owner osvaldo lugo, left, and barbara rafael santana have been hailed as heroes courtesy. Oh, sorry, that was a photo courtesy, never mind. East hartford mayor connor martin awarded santana and Lugo with their hero certificates and the local police department publicly commended them. Heroic barbers to the rescue. Today we want to give a massive shout out to the quick thinking and brave duo, osvaldo Lugo and Rafael Santana, of Look Sharp Barbershop. Read a police department Facebook post. Their swift action saved a little toddler who had escaped from his mother and started moving towards traffic on main street. That's worded wrong because it's a girl, but I I'm her mother and started moving towards traffic on main street I'm surprised that they used the word escaped yeah, okay, so that's why.
Speaker 3:That's why I'm like how old is this child? Right? Where's the parent?
Speaker 1:Thanks to them, a potential tragedy was averted and a family remains whole. We're incredibly grateful for these two everyday heroes Absolutely. Santana says he and Luger are simply dads with lucky timing. We did this out of love and we do it a million times again. Santana told Todaycom. We protect and serve our community at all costs.
Speaker 3:So these barbers left their client mid fade.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, mid shave or mid shampoo or whatever.
Speaker 3:After a toddler who had escaped their parent who was just sitting at a bus stop around the corner Around the corner. Right, was the parent doing I?
Speaker 1:just Every time. Every time we have one of these stories, we have so many questions like how did this happen? Yeah, they don't go into that, they don't say it.
Speaker 3:I'm proud of these guys for stepping up and saving the young lady. I'm with you Absolutely. But, oh my God, the parent just yeah, it's like oh, da-da-da-da we're, I was like oh, we're on a busy city street with cars and buses.
Speaker 2:I like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you? There you go, perfect, that's it.
Speaker 3:That's perfect. That's it. Yeah, we always have these questions, but I'm glad that these guys had perfect dad timing. It's like their internal clocks are on point Right. What are you people?
Speaker 2:On dope.
Speaker 1:Thank you, yeah, so yeah to the two barbers and and there is a video of this that that was taken from the surveillance. And then when I watched the video, the child looks small. Had to be no more than six. Oh, wow, Five, six, maybe. I said, toddler, that's gotta be three or four. Yeah, you know there there. Yeah, you know there. There's one of the. That's one of these things on some of these stories, it's like we need a little more info, how old was the girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, yeah right. So anyway to the two of them absolutely great job that's how winning is done.
Speaker 3:I don't mean to be the Debbie Downer, no, no, but see sometimes, when I see these stories, I want more info.
Speaker 1:I'm like tell us a little more. Like did the mom I don't know, did she drop something or, I don't know got distracted?
Speaker 3:I'm happy for the bravery. I'm happy for them keeping their heads on swivels right, so they're paying attention to their surroundings. Yeah, I'm proud of that. I'm happy for that, sure, but what the hell? Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:But think about a lot of these stories that we talk about, especially if they're like rescue stories. It's like how the hell did they get in this position in the first place? Point. I mean, it's a fair question. Yeah, point, yeah point set match.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely, so back to it. Yes, so we're talking about negative things.
Speaker 2:Negative thoughts.
Speaker 1:Speaking of, speaking of negative thoughts. So the big question is, and when I say negative thoughts, everybody probably pictures or imagines something different to own, like, like their own understanding of what that means. So let me try to kind of give you, I mean and again this is a very subjective explanation or definition, because everybody thinks and feels differently but if you think and you feel negatively, it is going to affect, it's going to affect your physiology, it's going to affect your physiology, it's going to affect your emotions, it's going to affect your health. Yeah, so the big thing with negative thoughts is that sometimes we don't try to think negatively. People don't say, oh, I'm going to get up today and I'm going to think negatively because that's what I like.
Speaker 3:But why do people always go towards and this is a question that I have when something happens, when they see something, when they're interacting? Why do they always tend to go to negative before thinking positive?
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you a simple answer. It's habit. See, that's a big word. They've developed this habit over many years, since childhood.
Speaker 3:Could I was gonna say, life experiences just the way they think, and it could be life experience.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing I know a lot of negative people and when I say negative people that like like matt you just mentioned, like you talk about something, they're always negative or pessimistic, or oh, that's never gonna work, or oh, I'd hate this, or I hate my, or I hate my job, or I don't agree or I don't agree. But most of the time I don't think these people are thinking to themselves I want to be difficult or I want to be negative. I think it's just what they're used to. I think it's just what they've developed, this habit over many years and that can be brought on by a lot of things, such as social anxiety, depression, stress, low self-esteem. It's amazing how many people with low self-esteem are so negative towards others. It's a projection of their lack of confidence onto other people.
Speaker 3:Are we going to talk about how folks can change that thinking?
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you, yes absolutely, because the key to changing your negative thoughts is understanding how and why you think the way you do Not the person that's making that happen, but you internally. Yes, you yes, your own internal thoughts and struggles. Okay, so, and we will talk about strategies to manage these negative thoughts or to reduce the effect of them.
Speaker 3:Let's say Not just on you but the people around you.
Speaker 1:Well, think about it. If you become a more positive person, do you think that's going to affect people around you? Of course yes, and yes, it affects your whole social circle, your work circle. All right, yeah, absolutely, thank you.
Speaker 1:So, in an interview, rachel Goldman, she's a PhD and a psychologist and assistant professor at NY School of Medicine, ny as in New York City, yep, new York University School of Medicine, yep, our thoughts, emotions and behaviors are all linked, as I was kind of describing. So our thoughts impact how we feel and act. So, although we all have unhelpful thoughts from time to time, it's important to know what to do when they appear so we don't let them change the course of our day. Okay, therapy can often be helpful for changing negative thoughts. So and this is something I would recommend, because I'm a therapist and I deal with people all the time on changing their thinking I mean, shoot, the whole tagline of the show is change your thinking, change your life.
Speaker 1:Right, that's the whole point of this, um, so, so there are some things you can do, um, but, but before we get into the things that we can do, I want to talk about why, and and I want to kind of kind of get a little bit more into why people think negatively. Okay, please, okay. Um, so there are a lot of things that happen when you think negatively and it's based on, like matt said earlier, it could be based on life experiences, based on upbringing, it could be based on your parental, your parents view of things. So there's a lot of things that influence this. There's a lot of things that that affect the way you think and feel, and if and if you're, if you're trained to think negatively, that's just going to hang on because you don't know any different and, honestly, you probably feel depressed or anxious or fearful, and you're not even realizing it, but it comes out as this negative thinking. I'm curious if there are triggers. Definitely there are triggers.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay. So those triggers, are you going back to those life experiences and I use that in quotes, right, yep, and that's that habit, that you have, so it's about breaking inbuilt. So it's about breaking that habit because of these negative thoughts that that you're having. You know those triggers. It could be a statement, it could be a sound. It could be. It could be a statement. It could be a sound, it could be a person.
Speaker 1:Yes, it could be anything based on your experience. A smell yes, it could be that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. So the biggest thing for people to realize is and this goes for everyone, whether you think you're negative or not it's important to identify your thinking patterns. It's important to be aware of how you're thinking, right? So because if you're aware of it and you're examining how you think, you're going to realize that some things might be what we call cognitive distortions, which means you're not thinking about this. I'm trying to think of a good way to to state this your, your thinking, is not factual I understand where you're going with that because, you're.
Speaker 1:It's more of the now, more than it was the when true, that's part of it, and it's also the assumption that it's going to be as bad as it always has. Okay, in whatever situation or thing that you're thinking about. Okay, the other. The other thing that people have a hard time with is that that if they've had trauma even if they haven't had trauma necessarily, they just had bad experiences. Or you know, and I'll just throw out a random example Say, you got screwed over by a partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, when you were 20.
Speaker 1:And at 40 years old, you have a hard time trusting people when you're dating them. That happens all the time because something flipped a switch in your mind that said I'm going to get screwed over, so I'm not trusting anyone. It's it's defense mechanism, is really what it comes down to. Right, the? Yeah, the defense goes up, the wall goes up, I'm going to protect myself. But by doing that, you're shutting out possibilities, positive possibilities, because you're living in fear of being hurt again. So, so, so there's, there's some ways of thinking that are not healthy, and we're going to cover some of those. Okay, all right. So as an example, let's say that that a person tends to think of themselves as either a complete success or a complete failure. Those are two extremes, very, but there's a gray area. Well, that's the point. There's got to be a middle, and people with this black and white thinking have a very hard time coping with issues and feelings.
Speaker 3:And negative things. I'll tap on your nerd sensors.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's.
Speaker 3:Jedi or Sith?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's black or white. It's black or white. There's no in between. So the first thing that you might want to see or you might want to self-analyze and see if this is happening to you is jumping to conclusions. That's never a great thing to do. You know what?
Speaker 3:Yeah, not just conclusions but solutions. You know you jump to a solution that may not be the right course of action, but you believe in that negative thought so much that you feel that's the right solution to do, right, right.
Speaker 1:Right. Right, right Thing to say and it could be okay, but in most cases it's not, because it's a knee-jerk reaction to the feelings that you're feeling Because it's got that negative persuasion, not the positive side.
Speaker 1:So when you jump to conclusions, it's a distortion of thinking, it's making assumptions about what other people are thinking. Because when you jump to a conclusion and I'm going to tell you if, if you're in a marriage or a relationship, this happens all the time. Yes, somebody will say something and another person will take offense at it, like it was meant to insult them or to hurt them and that's two people that have that negative right.
Speaker 3:That are they're they. Just they're butting heads at that moment, right.
Speaker 1:And the thing about jumping to conclusions in order. When people do that, they already have something in their head about how something should turn out, and if it doesn't turn out, the conclusion is negative oh, I'm to blame, or that person doesn't like me, or I'm not skilled enough. I could make a list of a hundred things, these self-deprecating statements that go on in our heads. So jumping to conclusions is definitely a sign of negative thinking. This one's a big one, catastrophizing.
Speaker 3:Catastrophizing I've never heard that word. I've heard of catastrophe. Catastrophizing I've never heard that word. I've heard a catastrophe I've heard of catastrophes.
Speaker 1:I know what they are. Yep, catastrophe. Well, based on that, you know what those words are. This is just. Everything is a catastrophe. It's like. It's like the, the end, the. The world is ending. Yes, and in every situation.
Speaker 3:Yes that sounds like someone who's very analytical, with negative thinking.
Speaker 1:Well, and the way this negative thinking is characterized, this catastrophizing, is that always assuming it's going to be the worst possible outcome, no matter what? The end of the world? Right, and in every situation? Yeah, yeah, and and here's something I do with clients a lot Okay, they will say something and I will say well, that's a pretty definitive statement. Is it always like that?
Speaker 3:And then they'll say well, maybe not always.
Speaker 1:I'm like well, percentage wise break it down for me 80, 20.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And they might say that, and I'm like well then, it's not always bad, then Right. And they might say that and I'm like well then, it's not always bad, then. That's the whole point is getting in and rewiring that thought process, because it's not always a catastrophe.
Speaker 3:You're hitting some serious topics and thought processes. For me personally, with all of this because things are great, life could not be better. You know what this type of thinking, the negative thinking, is what really destroys a relationship.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, it absolutely does.
Speaker 3:A companionship A friendship, a family relationship. It goes across the board. It's hitting on so many different levels. Absolutely, I'm glad you're talking about this, yep?
Speaker 1:The next one is overgeneralization. So this pattern is marked by a tendency of people to apply what happened in the past to every situation. Right, so I'm going back to like a breakup. Somebody screwed you over and whatever cheated on you, so that overgeneralization now is the assumption that everybody's going to do that. So you're always suspicious.
Speaker 3:You don't trust anyone because the expectation is you're going to get cheated, because that's what's happened before.
Speaker 1:It's an overgeneralization. Overgeneralization. Labeling this is a big one. For people who are negative I'm a failure, I can't do anything right, I'm not smart, I'm not attractive, I'm too short, I'm too fat All of these self-deprecating statements lead to feeling bad. It's just negative. It's a negative pattern. So when somebody says, oh, I'm bad at math, I'm like okay, well, why, what brought that on? How?
Speaker 2:do you?
Speaker 1:know that and they'll say I got an E in math in high school and I'm like well, was that because you're bad at math, or that you didn't put the work in? Put the work in, yeah, or you may be an idiot teacher and that's. I'm just saying that there are other possibilities. And when you label something like that, the assumption is it's always going to be that way or it's for a specific reason.
Speaker 3:So I'm going to trigger a few people, yeah.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 3:I'm going to say the word Excel, mm-hmm, going to trigger a few people, and I'm going to say the word Excel, because math is math, but it's understanding the formulas to math and that's where people really have a tough time, because anybody can do math, it's not that difficult. One one equals four, I promise you. It does in some way shape or form Right, but when it comes to Excel, a formula has to be absolutely perfect for it to work.
Speaker 3:Sure, yep, and people that use Excel and know Excel, they know Excel. But people that just you know, every once in a while go in there and they're like, oh, look, parentheses, look what I did. Yay, it's not enough. Yeah, so that's where that. Am I good at math? No, you're fine at math, it's just how do you?
Speaker 1:apply it Well and again. But this fallacy, this false assumption, is that you don't have the ability. And that's the problem, because you may have the ability, it's just one maybe not been tapped into or you haven't been encouraged to pursue that ability Absolutely. So you just believe you're bad at math. So, therefore, you're always going to be bad at math because that's your assumption, that's the label you put on yourself. Here's one that that's kind of obscure, but but it's it should statements. It should be that way, it should happen like that. I should have to do this. They should have to apologize.
Speaker 3:Oh, I disagree with the should statement.
Speaker 1:So what I say is when you think as far as should, it creates a negative perspective, and it's a way of thinking in terms that something ought to be the way you think it should be.
Speaker 3:And I'm disagreeing with people that's saying using the should say no, it should not be the way you think it should be. And I'm disagreeing with people that's saying I, yeah, using the should say no, no, you, it should not be that way. You need to understand why it is that way. I mean because it should not be the way you want it to be, and I can make a ridiculous statement.
Speaker 1:That is true and in my mind it should be the case, but people should not kill other people. No, I am wow, I'm saying that in my head, that that that's my belief system. So when it happens, I have a very hard time and there's no justifying that. I'm not saying it like I'm not saying that but nobody should no way to accept there's no way to say oh, okay, that, okay that happens.
Speaker 3:Yeah. To go back to say you know, that's life, that's the way it is. No, it should not be that way, Right?
Speaker 1:But if you apply that thinking to everything in your life, that's a problem. Yeah, that's an extreme, Right, it's an extreme. So it causes people to feel defeated and pessimistic because things aren't the way they believe they should be and that just is like oh, my way or nothing is great.
Speaker 3:My way or the highway? Yeah, because it's not the way it should be.
Speaker 1:The next one is emotional reasoning, and I'll go into this a little bit to kind of explain what it is. It's the assumption that something is true based on your emotional response to it. Can you repeat that? It's assuming something is true based on your emotional response to it? Oh yeah, okay. So, for example, if you're feeling nervous let's say OK, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, for example, if you're feeling nervous, let's say emotional, your emotional reasoning that you have would say you're in danger because you're anxious. That's kind of goes together and this can escalate, that this anxiety becomes unmanageable because it's constantly there. So here's the thing and here's what I would say as far as the emotional reasoning part goes, there are times that you should be anxious. If you're crossing a five-lane highway on foot, you're going to have some level of anxiety because it protects you, it makes you aware. If you didn't have any anxiety you'd be like la-da-da't have any anxiety, like this guy.
Speaker 3:Did I like this in the background? What the fuck is it with?
Speaker 2:you.
Speaker 3:If you're going to walk across five lanes of highway and just be like la-ze-da about it, you're going to get hit.
Speaker 1:But that emotional reasoning that you're always in danger. It is going to give you a constant state of anxiety. That's what happens and again, it's the way you're thinking. It's that thinking process.
Speaker 3:But then that anxiety folks will let take over. Yes, and that's where medication becomes involved and they can't understand why they're feeling the way they feel in certain social yeah.
Speaker 1:Knows this is a big one Personalization and blame we're just going to keep it.
Speaker 3:This is going to be one big episode, Dave.
Speaker 1:Okay, we can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just run with it. Yeah, absolutely, it's one big episode, yep. So this is a around there give or take whatever, yeah, whatever. So personalization and blame. So this thought pattern it. It involves taking things personally, even when they're not personal. Somebody might say, oh, matt, um, looks like you've lost a little weight, thank you. Well, that should be the case. But somebody who has irrational thoughts might say what Was I fat? What's wrong with me? Was I fat before?
Speaker 1:Well yeah, exactly Exactly that's the thought process, though. Like am I too thin, right? Like why are you looking at me? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, if you just extrapolate this out, it's just this irrational thinking.
Speaker 1:And what happens with this personalization and blame is that people are always looking to blame somebody else, right, for their issues, for their struggles, for their feelings, because they don't have any control over it. So the blame has to be put somewhere else, because the person who is experiencing this doesn't realize they're the ones in control, it's not someone else. So when you blame somebody else, it's pushing the responsibility from yourself onto them, and that is never going to be a situation that's resolvable. You just won't be able to do it. So think about it for a minute. When you start blaming someone else for an issue or a feeling, you have to ask yourself is that coming from them, or is it really coming from me? Is it coming from inside of me? Now, don't get me wrong. I know people can be assholes, they can say mean things, they can do mean things, and I'm not talking about that. What I'm saying is that if you feel everything's a personal attack, that's something in your personality, that's something in your thinking. That is not right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, I'm with you.
Speaker 1:So thinking patterns make us feel and act certain ways. That's what this is all about. But the problem is many people have this distortion in reality when they think, and irrational thinking when they think about situations and other people, and that's something that you have to be aware of. So our psychiatrist that we mentioned earlier, she suggests that the first step is all about identifying and labeling negative thoughts.
Speaker 3:Was her name Rachel yeah, from New York University, or something.
Speaker 1:NYU.
Speaker 3:NYU. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Rachel Goldman, thank you. York university or something. Nyu nyu, thank you, rachel goldman, thank you. So she says that that if you've observed the thought, you can identify it as an unhelpful thought. If you're, if you're very objective as far as how you're thinking, that's very difficult to do because most people think they think this is the the right way to think.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to think of the terminology for that. I don't want to say inner peace, because inner peace is you agree with everything that's going on inside, but it's more of looking internally and questioning the thoughts you have before.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely Okay, it's analyzing how you think Analyzing, yep. And is this really accurate? In fact, our, our dr goldman states that she suggests pausing to accept the thought for what it is. Remind yourself that it's a thought, not a fact internally, your thought, or even externally, coming from someone else.
Speaker 3:But you have to internalize that thought before you actually react to the situation right or the person or the the situation in front of you. But in.
Speaker 1:But here's the best way to look at this, because you think something doesn't mean it's true, it doesn't mean it's accurate, it's's just a thought.
Speaker 3:Right. What's really tough to do is to do this on the fly, because you have to put this in practice.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely. You have to prepare to think like this because when things happen in the spur of the moment, you're going to resort back to the way you've always done it. Because it's a habit? Yes, because it's ingrained.
Speaker 3:But if you think about this and if somebody says something that you know is triggering you, you need to have the fortitude and the mental fortitude to sit back and think we're very smart people we really are. But you need to sit back and then process what was just said and then prepare your reaction without taking the negative part first and then putting the positive spin on it to make it better for yourself Absolutely Not for the situation, but for yourself.
Speaker 1:But that's the whole key here. A lot of people are resistant to changing their thinking because they believe they're right. But nine times out of 10, they're not. Well, no, that's the point, that's. The whole point of this is that if you have negative thinking patterns, you're never going to be happy, you're never going to be satisfied, because you're always going to be in that negative mind space and blaming other people for the way you feel.
Speaker 3:That's what makes this topic so difficult, because this is stuff that you have to do on the fly. You have to understand your own thinking and put that, like I said, into practice every single day. You wake up you're like okay, I am working on this. This is something I need to get better at, and I need to understand that things aren't as bad as I think. They are Right, and if something happens, that's when I need to take that mental step back to then react in a positive way.
Speaker 1:So here's another question I propose to clients. Sometimes, when they're having these negative things or they're depressed, or they're anxious, or whatever they're dealing with, I, always I I will ask them what is the worst case scenario that's a.
Speaker 3:That's a broad question.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a very broad question but at the worst, what will happen? Well, so, so let's say somebody's depressed, I'm like, well, what's the worst case scenario for you? And if they say, well, if I were dead? Because what if they're, if they're having suicidal thoughts or they want to hurt themselves?
Speaker 3:in that question is very leading, because as a therapist, I totally get where you're coming from. Yeah, what's the worst case scenario? Okay, if I'm dead? Okay, so now you understand that they might be having those suicidal thoughts.
Speaker 1:Well, but the other thing is and here's where it gets, that's a genius question. Well, here's where it becomes more genius. Okay, I'll say, well, if that's worst case scenario. You just said that you don't want to live. So why would that be worst case scenario? Man, that's I'm just saying think about that. Frame that in your head for a minute. If somebody says I want to die, and I say what's the worst case scenario? Well, being dead. Well, wouldn't that be best case scenario? No, really, and I'm not being funny on this?
Speaker 1:No, you're not, I'm just trying to get to that faulty thinking trigger and try to flip that, switch the genius of that question?
Speaker 3:Uh-huh, it's just. It's I don't want to say demoralizing, I want to say it's opening them up to oh.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's not that bad Right, and that's really the thing I'm trying to push. Is that worst case scenario? Yes, somebody could pass away. And here's where we have to bring in some rational thinking into everyone's minds. People are going to pass away. That's a part of life in general. It is a part of life and it is sad and it's difficult and it's something that people a part of life and it is sad and it's difficult and it's something that that people so, so here's.
Speaker 3:But for you to ask the individual that question, yeah, worst case scenario, well, if I die, that is pinpointing where their mindset is as far as positive and negative.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely go on, go, yes. So, and here's the other thing that that I look at yes, certain things are a part of life. So what is the difference? And and I have, and I have people that I know that think both of these ways and I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you two examples. Okay, one person they lose a parent, let's say, say, mother, father, whatever somebody close to them. It's very difficult and it happens and, again, as Matt said, this is a part of life. I'm not minimizing the sadness and the trauma with that, I'm just saying everyone is going to die someday. So what's the difference between the person who loses a parent they were super close to and is grieving for years, sometimes even 10, 20 years. They can't get past that loss Right. They're constantly in that morose state of depression and sadness. Morose, yes, that's person number one. Person number two loses a parent they're equally as close to. They go through the grieving process. They hurt, they, they, they they go through the steps.
Speaker 1:You know they accept it sure, sure sure, the whole grief, stages of grief now, and stages of grief can be debated, but but at point they're able to go back and function normally in life. When I say normally, typically, whatever that is for them, yes, they're still sad, yes, they can still remember that person, yes, they sometimes will kind of nostalgically think about them and look at pictures or whatever. They never forget about them, no, in a positive light, but they are able to be a functioning, a functional human being without feeling depressed and anxious and and lost. What's the difference between those two people? The only difference is the way they think. It has nothing to do with your situation, has nothing to do that somebody died, has nothing to do that you lost someone, because everybody deals with that, everybody goes through that. The difference between those two people is the way they think about it.
Speaker 3:I almost want to say that folks that use that negative approach. They use it as a crutch to make excuses for why they haven't moved on or why they haven't done certain things in their life. They use that as a crutch.
Speaker 1:Well, and I, and I'm going to be very blunt it may, I'm just going to be blunt it may it may it may affect some people or may offend some people, whatever If you, if you're triggered. Social media has made us more needy needy in what way? So I'll just use examples People who post a picture of their grandmother or grandfather, grandmother, whatever, somebody they lost. They'll post a picture and like Grandpa it's been 10 years, I can't believe you're still gone.
Speaker 3:I wish I could talk to you today happily, happily, heavenly birthday. Have you seen those? I have. Yes, that's the same thing right in, in.
Speaker 1:I get that you're, you're. And again, I don't want this to sound uncaring. I'm a therapist. I care about people's feelings. It's been 10 years, they've been gone 10 years. Stop wallowing in it. And I don't say that in a harsh way. I say that in a way that if you're not able to process this, it's going to be an anchor for you. It's always going to keep you in this state of loss and depression and grief. State of loss and depression and grief.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I will preface that by saying you know what, when I see those posts on social media, I'm not offended by it because I know the person that's posting it and they're not held back because I know how they think and I understand that they're a friend, close friends.
Speaker 1:Okay, so if you know them, then yes. So let me clarify. The post itself is not the problem, right? The problem is if you have spent years and years grieving and have not moved on you got to differentiate those that's yes absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 3:You know social media. Social media, people are going to remember their loved ones in any way that they can. But if you are going back and using that as so I see that as an attention-seeking behavior.
Speaker 1:Okay, in some cases I'm not going to disagree with you. You shouldn't grieve. I'm not saying you shouldn't pay respects or memories towards people you lost, but some people I'm telling you. I've seen clients that will break down and sob in my office and they'll be like well. I've seen clients that will break down and sob in my office and it'd be like well, I lost my mom and I'm like well, when did that happen? 20 years ago. 20 years ago, yes, but it's still. They can't get past it.
Speaker 3:It's a difficult thing to get past. No, I agree, I'm not going to say it's not, no, no.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying, oh, what's the big deal, move on. No, you don't want to say, as a therapist, well, what's the big?
Speaker 3:deal. Come on. I don't know what we're yelling about, but the fact that they're I hate to use the terminology it's a crutch, yes, and it's holding them back from living and being themselves and succeeding, and feeling like that they're a constant state of grief, and that's it's impossible not to be negative when you feel that way.
Speaker 3:So what are the things that folks can do to move beyond? Yeah, you know, and that's what you're there for is to help them move beyond. Yes, it's a. It's a tragedy. You lost a loved one who was near and dear to you. It's a tragedy. You lost a loved one who was near and dear to you, but what can we do to help you think positively about how they lived and then live your life?
Speaker 1:So let me and this is going to be a little bit subjective, a little bit vague, but I'll try to verbalize it best I can Okay, Get out of your own head.
Speaker 3:I love that. I absolutely love that phrase. Get out of your own head. I love that phrase. Go on.
Speaker 1:And as our friend Clint Malarchuk, the goalie who got cut, and I use this a lot on the podcast- Right across the street. That's what he said he almost died on the ice, and later on, when he was doing some self-help work with people, he said I never wander my mind alone. It's a dangerous place. I love that, yes, and I'm going to use that from now until I die. It's just a fantastic statement.
Speaker 3:I've never heard it put so well, and I love that statement so much. I want to know what the other winner of the week is. Oh, I need a statement so much. I want to know what the other winner of the week is. Oh, I need a little positive encouragement.
Speaker 1:How about we do that? We'll do that right at the end.
Speaker 3:Yes, please, I want some positivity. No, no, we'll get another winner of the week.
Speaker 1:We'll do two because we're doing an hour-long show or thereabouts?
Speaker 1:Yes, you get me. So the point being is get out of your own head. I love that. If you sit and you just ruminate and wallow, you're never going to get past it. You're never going to get free of those thoughts. So one of the best ways to do that and I'm going to say this, and a lot of you out there are going to be like, ah, shit that, but I'm telling you it's mindfulness. Ah, shit that, but I'm telling you it's mindfulness. Mindfulness training is the best way to get past these thinking patterns. So you're going to say well, for those of you out there who don't know what mindfulness is, it actually has its roots in meditation. That's where this came from. It's a practice of detaching yourself from your thoughts and your emotions for whatever time you feel like you need to. It helps you to become more self-aware. It helps you to monitor your thinking, because you're just chilling and, again, that's vague as well.
Speaker 3:It's vague but chilling is Netflix and chill. You hear that. Yes, absolutely, You've heard that before I have. You've heard that, Shmirnaji. It's about getting laid while watching something you don't care about.
Speaker 1:Well, no, you watch a movie and get laid. That's kind of the you know. Yeah, it's stupid. Yeah, well, I mean mean you know why watch a movie. It's dumb, hashtag, dumb what.
Speaker 3:Skip the netflix hey, you want to chill. That that's what I say, nice shoes.
Speaker 2:What a fuck boy. That escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, exactly so. The biggest thing is becoming aware of how your thoughts are impacting your emotions and your behaviors both. This takes some practice, but with mindfulness techniques you can be aware of what you're thinking and say is this constructive or is this destructive?
Speaker 3:There's so much more we have to dig into on this, dave, I know.
Speaker 1:I know. So the whole goal of mindfulness is to gain control of that emotional reaction that you have towards certain things, like people with anger issues. This is huge. Mindfulness is one of the best tools you can use for people who have anger issues, because anger is simply repressed feelings of inferiority, insecurity, frustration. That's what anger is, and anger is not an independent emotion. Anger is always attached to another emotion. Anger doesn't exist in a vacuum, so you either have to be sad or frustrated or embarrassed, anxious or anxious or depressed. That anger comes from these other emotions, these other feelings.
Speaker 3:Wow. And so I'm kind of thinking back to you. Know, I know on this podcast I use a lot of personal experiences. Yeah. Now, I know on this podcast I use a lot of personal experiences, yeah, and yeah, in the past I've had anger issues where I've had, I would say, expectations. Okay, you know, when you go out and you're being served and things aren't the way you expect them to be and you have a way of wanting to be served right and it's not happening, and that's then you get angry, yes, and then you're not being looked after the right way, and then the food comes out and the server just throws it on the table and they're like, they have no personality or what have you and you're like or no interest in your satisfaction right zero, zero satisfaction.
Speaker 3:You have one job right Yep, yep. So anything can come from those anger issues. Anything can happen to promote anger issues, almost.
Speaker 1:Well, and I'll give you a good example, I'll tell you a time when I just freaked out. Okay, like just.
Speaker 3:I just had a situation.
Speaker 1:Like crazy.
Speaker 3:I had a situation this past weekend, but go on, so I'm going way back, our first house that we bought.
Speaker 1:I think it was the first house, it doesn't matter. We moved into a home, got everything you got to set up all your utilities DTE, comcast, whatever, consumers, consumers, whatever. So we get set up with our phone number At that point, a landline you know through.
Speaker 2:Comcast Wow, this is what 20 years ago. Yeah, oh, at least.
Speaker 1:Maybe 25. All right, go on, so we get everything set up, move into the house. A couple weeks later, our phone doesn't work. It's nothing, just dead Interesting. Call Comcast. Okay, what's going on? Our phone's not working.
Speaker 3:Can you come out? You call on your cell phone, right?
Speaker 1:I probably call from work, I believe. Okay, yeah, but I think we did have cell phones then. I don't know, but maybe not. I have to check my abacus on the dates.
Speaker 3:My landline's not working. Oh, good for you. Where you calling? From my cell phone?
Speaker 1:Okay, go on. Yeah, I tried to get into the operator to connect me, but it wasn't working.
Speaker 3:Press one for operator no Press two for English Press, three for Spanish Press, four, if you don't give a shit.
Speaker 1:So, long story short, I call and say our phone's not working. What's your phone number? Blah, blah, blah blah. What's your name? Blah, blah, blah. This is not your phone number. I'm like yes, it is. We just got this, like three weeks ago or a month ago. She's like well, this phone number belongs to someone else. I'm like what bullshit it does I freaked, oh boy so, so.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing it's a mistake, something happened, it was a glitch, it was an error, whatever, but but for me I felt like it was personal, like you. Just you've just effed up my whole day and how am.
Speaker 1:I going to get pulled back from that and just say, ok, here's the issue, how do we resolve it? Right? And I know it's difficult. It's hard to do sometimes because you feel like you've been slighted or offended or ignored. But this goes back to your own self-esteem. That you know, just because somebody says something doesn't make it true. Now, in this case, it's a situation. Situations come up. That's going to happen. You're going to have difficulties and things that you have to fix. It's part of life. And if you're blowing up on every one of those situations, that that's something that that concerns me, because if you don't have control over it, what it's it's, it's just not productive to flip out and be angry oh man, that is one of the I.
Speaker 3:I feel one of the biggest problems with people today is that they overreact to at the smallest situation that could be handled in such a different way that everybody walks away saying you know what? That was a really great experience, right.
Speaker 3:And that's where those folks that call that you call and, yes, it might be in a different country, and that is the way of life today, because it's one world. We're all living in the same one, right? And if somebody with a different accent answers the phone, you know what. They're there to help you and they want to help you, and it's your response to them that is going to push it in a positive direction, hopefully.
Speaker 1:Hopefully, hopefully, but that's not necessarily true, I mean. But here's the thing your chances are better, yes, if you approach it in a very positive you know what? So this phone number thing. Yes, I did flip out. I raged on this woman and it wasn't her fault.
Speaker 3:No, it wasn't, but you're the consumer.
Speaker 1:So once I came back to earth and calmed down a little bit, I called back and I said yeah, I was really rude to this woman. I'm sorry. I know this is not intentional, this is not an attack on me. We just want to get our number fixed.
Speaker 3:How much do you want to bet that that person you just said that to had?
Speaker 2:no idea who that other person is?
Speaker 3:They probably don't.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But you still made yourself feel better.
Speaker 1:Well, my point being I'm going to retry this in a better way. That's what the difference was. So, being mindful, the biggest thing is observing your thoughts and asking yourself is this thought something that helps?
Speaker 3:me or hurts me. Well, in that situation it hurt you, it did.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Because it was a reaction. It was a gut reaction and, again, based on I felt I was slighted, I felt I got screwed over whatever term you want to use. But so the thinking is that if you're thinking something that makes you feel bad, mm-hmm, that's where you have to be aware and say why am I thinking this? What purpose does it serve?
Speaker 3:Let me kind of go back. You said it makes you feel bad.
Speaker 1:Makes you feel bad after the fact or while you're doing it, it could be both, or it could be one or the other Okay.
Speaker 3:So a lot of folks they have that initial reaction because they've always had that habit of that negative thinking and then they think on it, it, and then they have to go back and apologize. That's where the on the fly thinking like I was retorting to earlier Yep, that on the fly mentality is like OK, this is a situation I know I might get upset. However, if I handle it differently, going into it is the biggest challenge.
Speaker 1:No, it's like, it's almost like preparing yourself.
Speaker 3:But folks don't have that time to prepare unless they write unless they have the mentality of I need to do better with my reactions.
Speaker 1:And it's that practice on the fly, you can't just well, and and and I and I'm going going to, I'm going to group of group of people together, which I never do, but this is a fact. You're welcome, I mean, and I hate to use the name, but, but it's just what it is. It's been coined over the last 10, 20 years. If you're a Karen, you're always bitching about something. You're the problem. Round of applause, not the people around you. Right? You're the issue, mm-hmm, because if you go into a restaurant 10 times and you complain 10 times, I will bet money. You're the problem.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes and so Thank you for that, and I will guarantee you every Karen you've seen on YouTube, I I will bet money, I will put money on the table. They are not happy people.
Speaker 3:All right, you know this is a challenge for me. So so, Dave, personally, this has always been a challenge for me because I did not have a bad childhood. I did not have. I raised my kids and, yeah, there were negative things.
Speaker 1:Well, things happen.
Speaker 3:That's's what life is I was in a marriage that wasn't the most positive thing right, yeah there were great positive things, but there were a lot of negative things too, and unfortunately there have been habits that have been made that I have been working through right, understanding that I need to think differently. Yeah, I need to react differently. And now, in my current situation, yes, everything is so positive, I could not be happier, right, but there's always a negative. There are some negative things that it's not them, it's me.
Speaker 1:Yes, well, but see, that's the key thing. You can acknowledge it's coming from you, not from them, and that's what I'm pushing on this. You have to look at yourself Because, listen, nobody's going to come to your rescue, nobody's going to come and say, hey, I got the solution right here. That's never going to happen. So if you want to feel better, you need to make changes. That is the bottom line. Now, you can do that with mindfulness training, you can do it with therapy, you can do it with coaching.
Speaker 3:It doesn't matter, as long as you realize that you have to make changes to the way you think, and that's one of the reasons why I enjoy sitting down for my hour-long therapy session every single Monday. I'm kidding, but you have. You've hit some definite areas that affect everybody. Yes, I'm just a part of, I'm one person, but everything that you've talked about this evening is spot on. Yeah, you have to internalize, you have to understand the own negative thinking, yes, and then understand why you think that way and then change it to a positive.
Speaker 1:I'm going to make a statement. Go ahead. It's not bold, it's just a fact. The only person in charge of your happiness is you Perfect. No one else is going to resolve that. No one else is going to satisfy that. I don't care if it's a partner, if it's a spouse, if it's a child, if it's a parent. Nobody is going to make you happy. You being happy falls to you, so you need to make the changes to be happy. I love that.
Speaker 3:Yes, and you know what happy I love that. Yes, and you know what that the point is your own happiness relies upon the person sitting in the chair across from you, right?
Speaker 3:Absolutely Sitting on the phone, that you're communicating with sitting at your desk, that you're communicating with sitting on teams, on your whatever. However you are communicating with people, there's always a positive that you have to find Yep. And if you have that negative thinking, however you are communicating with people, there's always a positive that you have to find Yep. And if you have that negative thinking, you are going to only hold yourself back from making it a positive situation.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:I love it. Yes, thank you. We've spent an hour on this.
Speaker 1:No, no, and I think it's important, though I'm glad we did, because it is an important thing, and I think this therapy and I'm going to generalize here, but you know what therapy is? Simply put, it's just helping people change the way they think. That's all, it is Right. That sounds simplistic, but that's at the base of every single client I see is changing thinking.
Speaker 3:So let me ask you this as a therapist yes, we've talked about changing thinking, but what can folks do to put that into practice?
Speaker 1:Well, here's what I would say. There are a couple things. Mindfulness is the big thing, mindfulness Wherever you're thinking. Is this productive? Is it destructive? Is it accurate? Is it true, is it?
Speaker 3:constructive. You said destructive. What about constructive?
Speaker 1:well yeah, is it constructive? If it's not, then why are you thinking it in thinking? Thinking we're human beings and wonderfully made, but the mind is a effed up place to be. It kind of is, and if you spend too much time in your own head it's going to lead to problems. That's all I can say. Okay, so I would say, if you want to change, then you have to do something different. You can't do what you've been doing for 50 years or 30 years or 20 years or two years, it doesn't matter. You have to try something different. And most people will be resistant to that. Even I've had clients and I'm like why are you resistant to change? You're here because you're unhappy, so why would you be resistant to changing your thinking to make you more happy?
Speaker 3:So let me refer to technology, because technology is getting so much better and so much faster, and the information that we have at our fingertips is so much more accessible.
Speaker 3:Everything that's going on in the world nuclear bombs, this, that- wars, whatever famine yeah and you can have your thoughts about that, but don't put that into your daily thinking with a person across the table from you, right, because that's another individual that might be having the same apprehensions or the same anxieties that you are well, and here's the thing I would say if somebody offends you, whatever, whatever the case, just watch youtube or facebook, you'll find somebody who offends someone. Of course, it's just a fact.
Speaker 1:I'm sure we've offended a few people tonight but the point is why are you offended? What is the issue here? Did they personally insult you? If they did, is the insult true or is it not true?
Speaker 3:If it's not true then, why are you? Angry about it then why, are you angry about it? You have hit on a lot of great areas this evening and I really would love us to dig in a bit deeper. Sure, we can do that, but we need to get back to the positive yes. So who's our winner of the week?
Speaker 1:Okay, let me give you another winner of the week.
Speaker 2:Since we have an hour-long episode, we're going to add a second one in here.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, I love this.
Speaker 2:That's how winning is done.
Speaker 3:So I see the picture. Yes, it is. I see a picture and it looks like a fox.
Speaker 1:It is a fox.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 1:It's a fox for Matt Fox, all right, okay. Man reveals heartwarming friendship with a fox. I love it. It's a fox for Matt Fox, all right, okay. Man reveals heartwarming friendship with young fox. That's the title of the story. I love it. Do you want to know why? Yes, yeah, okay, I would love to. A wildlife fan has struck up an extraordinary friendship with a young fox after he noticed she was ill. Okay, female fox, all right. Bob Dunlop realized the fox had developed mange on her tail after spying her lack of hair on a wildlife camera set up near his home in Littleport, cambridgeshire. Okay, so in England, yep, yep. Great Britain, yep. The 69-year-old worked out where the animal's den was located and began to treat the cub by feeding it bread with a homeopathic remedy recommended by a wildlife expert. For a gate for mage. For mage, all right, yeah, right.
Speaker 3:I love it when people take care of foxes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, any animals. I mean, we're animal lovers here.
Speaker 3:As a fox. Yeah, as a fox, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:Did you have mange Matt?
Speaker 3:In my early childhood. My hair wasn't growing quite great. Oh, good for you. I got a little mange on the back of my head. That's called a bald spot Like a chicken.
Speaker 2:It's quite pungent. It stings the nostrils. It probably does it probably does, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:The heartwarming friendship blossomed as the young kitty or young kit.
Speaker 3:Is that?
Speaker 1:slang for a young wolf Child fox. Okay, okay. The young kit began to greet Mr Dunlop on his daily walks through the forest. Mr Dunlop said he knows he must let her rewild and is slowly cutting down the amount of time he visits Okay. Video below the fox can be seen rolling on her back and affectionately biting at Mr Dunlop's trousers for his attention. She also greets him as he approaches, yelping and whining with excitement. Dunlop began treating the mange, a skin disease caused by microscopic mites that burrow into the skin. Back in December. Bob Dunlop's friendly fox in Littleport England. Oh, sorry, Take that out. That was a photo caption that I wanted to delete, Go on. He was unwilling to leave it untreated and sought advice from the National Fox Welfare Society. They sent Dunlop some homeopathic remedies to treat it free of charge. He put the drops on some bread alongside some dried food, delivering it every day to the fox. Curing the mange also resulted in a unique bond between the compassionate Scotsman and the fox, which began acting more like a dog than a wild animal.
Speaker 3:A kit fox is actually the smallest species in North America.
Speaker 2:Oh okay. It's the smallest species, smallest species in North America, oh, okay.
Speaker 3:It's the smallest species of fox in North America. So, but this is in Great Britain, in Europe, scotland.
Speaker 2:Scotland, scotland, oh, wow, okay.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep.
Speaker 3:That's interesting. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:Go on. It was a labor of love, he told SWNS News Service. I monitored and fed her on a daily basis. I think she's coming up to a year old, because I believe she's the last remaining cub of the previous family who lived there. The day I put the food down she first showed her belly. It was just wonderful. I know at some point I've got to stop and let her rewild. I think she was just a lonely animal that was ill, has recovered and is showing her appreciation. She hides when she hears other people approach and is hunting at night, which I see on my camera. So I'm not concerned that she's being too tame. Okay, so she's still wild, yes, and I and I. He hopes that she might have her own cubs one day.
Speaker 3:All right, that's yeah, I I love fox stories. I I just love animal stories. I love fox stories.
Speaker 1:I just love animal stories.
Speaker 3:I love animal stories, but you know I'm I really do enjoy the fox stories, right, yeah, but thank you for sharing how a gentleman helped to save a fox well, it's just, and the fox had mange.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that's deadly, I don't know if it will kill them, but it's not pleasant. It's a virus, right yeah, but even just to have that compassion on another living being, that's the big thing.
Speaker 2:Thank you so, bob Dunlop definitely Second winner of the week.
Speaker 1:Second Two in one episode.
Speaker 2:That's how winning is done.
Speaker 3:So this past weekend? Yeah, go on, are we going to do a back to it? Oh so, thank you. There you go Back to it. This past weekend, something happened in Detroit and you're wearing your hat this evening I'm wearing my lion's cap. Yeah, and we, as Detroit, had the.
Speaker 2:The draft. The draft draft.
Speaker 3:It was the biggest crowd the. Nfl draft.
Speaker 1:We set a record.
Speaker 3:We set a record, definitely over the three-day period. My point on bringing that up is what is happening with all of the flooring at the NFL draft?
Speaker 1:I read that they're repurposing it. Yes To something.
Speaker 3:Yes, they're repurposing it for the Detroit dog rescue.
Speaker 1:Nice. Yes, I did read that man. I'm so sorry. No you're good, so let me show you real quick. I know we're like over an hour, but but we're gonna.
Speaker 3:we're gonna show our detroit dog rescue dogs now because, because kristin rinaldi of the detroit dog rescue, I believe that's her. Yeah, she, she's a friend of the animal talk, uh, podcast oh nice yes she's been on the show nice um, but when I saw that story I was so happy to see that they were putting their hands into helping. There was so much stuff that went into the campus marshes and run down to Detroit and the staging and everything, but what do you do with all?
Speaker 1:that material, all the material afterwards.
Speaker 3:They're utilizing, they're repurposing it, they're rematerializing it for the Detroit Dog Rescue. Nice materializing it for the Detroit Dog Rescue, nice For a, I believe, a neuter and spay area, yep. To really just really help out the animal population in the state of in the city of Detroit and the state of Michigan for that matter, okay.
Speaker 1:So let me show you. We're going to quickly go through two dogs, okay. First one is Rufus. Rufus, all right, rufus needs a home.
Speaker 3:There's Rufus, there's Rufus, there you go. Bigger picture, there we go. So that's like a beagle. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a hound mix. It's a hound mix. Okay, a male, 30 pounds. It was the ears, cat-friendly, unknown, most of them are Kid-friendly. Over five Most hounds are okay with cats and he was born in 2020, so he's about three to four years old, okay, but Rufus needs a home. Aw, he's cute, he is cute. Look at that face. Aw, that's fantastic. Okay, number two. Okay, it's Lucky. Wait, wait, before you show the picture.
Speaker 3:Wait, wait, before you show the picture. Yeah, does Lucky have one ear? No, no. Tail, Nope. Three legs no.
Speaker 1:One eye. No, no, it's not that, that's one of my favorite.
Speaker 3:I know my eighth grade band teacher, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So Lucky. Lucky needs a home. Aw Terrier, is that a terrier?
Speaker 3:border collie, border collie yeah border collie.
Speaker 1:Born in 2022, so one to two years old, fair enough, 40 pounds. Dog friendly, yes. Cat friendly unknown. Kid friendly over eight okay activity level medium high.
Speaker 3:I would say medium high because they do like to run yes, yeah, they want to be active, just just the way that his eyes are lit up right there. Yes.
Speaker 2:He's like I want to do something I want to go play.
Speaker 3:Do you get a ball? Yeah? Fantastic Are there squirrels in your yard.
Speaker 1:So Lucky also needs a home. So can I dance to For folks out there, rufus and Lucky, let's do a double shot.
Speaker 3:There it is. There we go. See Lucky's like Rufus and Lucky. See, I can see Lucky running around the yard going. Can you play Usher?
Speaker 1:Yeah, detroitdogrescuecom. They are adoptable right now. I just pulled it up today. Love it. They're ready for a home. Pick them up.
Speaker 3:Give them a good home. It's one of my favorite things about what you do is just everybody's got to be happy, absolutely. That's the point.
Speaker 1:We love it. All right, all righty folks. Thanks for hanging in there. I know it's a long show, it's one show, but that's fine. I think we cover some great stuff and I'll be back again next Monday evening from at 8 pm Eastern Standard Time. Join us on Facebook live at Motor City hypnotist on Facebook, mm-hmm, and we will. You can join in, you can ask questions, you can interact Fantastic.
Speaker 3:A few folks have looked in tonight, did they? No comments?
Speaker 2:No comments, but that's okay.
Speaker 3:If you need a comment we will definitely accept your comment and we will ask you a question.
Speaker 1:No, absolutely and again, this is the whole thing the more interactive we can make this. This would be fantastic. If you just want to join in on Facebook Live and ask questions or join in the conversation, have at it. Absolutely. Leave a review, give us a comment. Yep, do that too, all righty folks. Thanks for joining in. Change your thinking, change your life. Laugh hard, run fast, be kind, I'll see you next time. So back to it. Wrong one, sorry.