Mom Writes First

27. Intentional Rest to Boost Creativity

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The Power of Intentional Rest for Returning to Creativity and Joy

In this episode of Mom Writes First, host Jen shares her personal journey of taking a five-month break from podcasting and writing to focus on intentional rest. She discusses the inspiration behind her decision, including insights from a TED Talk and the book 'Wintering' by Katherine May. Jen explores the seven types of rest as outlined by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith and explains how she applied these principles to restore her energy and creativity. This episode encourages listeners to reflect on their own need for rest and the impact it can have on their creative pursuits.

00:00 Using Intentional Rest to Boost Your Creativity

00:02 Introduction: Why I Took a Break

00:46 The Decision to Pause

02:43 Struggles and Realizations

06:12 The Turning Point

11:46 The Framework for Rest

16:32 The Seven Types of Rest

22:10 Implementing Rest in My Life

28:24 Encouragement and Conclusion

 Mentioned in the Show: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGNN4EPJzGk

https://ideas.ted.com/the-7-types-of-rest-that-every-person-needs
https://katherine-may.co.uk/wintering

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Intentional Rest to Boost Your Creativity

[00:00:00] 

[00:00:02] Introduction: Why I Took a Break

[00:00:02] Jen Larimore's audio recording: Today, I'm pulling back the curtains, I'm getting vulnerable and I'm sharing with you. Why and how I took a break from podcasting and writing. I'll share with you this specific Ted talk and the book that inspired my season of rest and how I made the intentional decision to rest. So that I could return to podcasting. And writing with more joy and more purpose. 

[00:00:29] Jen: You are listening to Mom Writes First, where we're all about inspiring busy moms to make their writing dreams a reality. Let's go!

[00:00:40] Hello and welcome to Mom Writes First. I'm your host, Jen. I'm so glad you're here. 

[00:00:46] The Decision to Pause 

[00:00:46] Jen: it is the start of a new school year, and almost the start of fall, and that means it's time for me To finally get back to this podcast. I have been anticipating this day [00:01:00] all summer. Last spring I made the intentional decision to hit pause on this podcast so that I could take care of myself, take care of my family, get some rest, And attend to some personal things that really, truly needed my attention, but now I am grateful to be back.

[00:01:24] I am ready to be back and I am ready to podcast. I'm ready to write. And I hope you are too.

[00:01:31] If you have been with me for a while, maybe since I first started podcasting back in 2021, you might be wondering, where did Jen go? Did she quit podcasting? Where is she? Why no new podcast episodes since last April? It's like five months. If you are one of the folks that I interviewed for the podcast last spring, you might really be wondering, where is my episode?

[00:01:59] And [00:02:00] if you're joining me now, you may have noticed a gap between episodes. A five month gap.

[00:02:07] I want to acknowledge that gap. I don't want to pretend like it's not there. But I want to thank you for being here after I took a break. 

[00:02:18] And I want to thank myself too. That past version of myself that made the big, courageous, scary decision to take a break.

[00:02:28] And my present self, who is making the big, scary, courageous decision to come back and be behind the mic again. It feels so good to be here, although it is also a little nerve wracking too. 

[00:02:43] Struggles and Realizations

[00:02:43] Jen: And seriously, I feel like even though it's been five months, a lot has changed.

[00:02:48] I have been anticipating recording this podcast episode for you all summer long, but I nonetheless had a hard time settling on a topic for us to get restarted with. [00:03:00] And then I realized that that was because I really wanted to be in a space of authenticity and honesty and even vulnerability with you.

[00:03:09] And I wanted to share with you my own experience with rest and what I learned in making the hard decision to step away and then create purposeful restoration in my life.

[00:03:23] I thought it might be helpful for you to hear because let's face it. Who among us? Has not struggled to feel rested, even on those nights when we can get the seven, eight, or nine recommended hours of sleep that our bodies supposedly need, who hasn't sometimes ended up waking up tired. Nonetheless

[00:03:43] I know I have. And when that happens, it can be so hard to function and it can be hard to fix it. 

[00:03:52] Last April, I found myself in this position where it seemed that no matter what I did, I did not feel rested. [00:04:00] If you know me personally, You might be thinking, well, Jen, maybe that's because you do too much. You have five kids, you work full time, you're doing a podcast, you're coaching other women, you're writing, no wonder you're tired. It's just too much.

[00:04:14] I've been hearing that my whole life about how I have too many ideas, how I do too much, or I am too much. But look. It's not usually too much for me.

[00:04:28] But last spring, I wasn't feeling like that. I was feeling like everything was too much. I felt tired. I felt drained. I couldn't get up the energy to do the most basic things that I normally love to do. And that's not because I was doing too much. I think it's because I wasn't getting the restoration that I needed.

[00:04:53] At first I thought I just needed to prioritize my sleep. If I can get a solid eight hours of sleep for a few [00:05:00] days, I'll be golden. But I was kidding myself. I knew from my sleep tracker that it wasn't sleep that I was missing. Nonetheless, I gave it a go and I tried to get more sleep. And the more I slept, the more frustrated I became, because I was still so damn tired.

[00:05:17] So then I thought, hey, I'll take a few days off work. I'll spend a weekend at our cabin on the lake. I'll feel better then. But it didn't work. No matter what I tried, I still felt tired. And on top of that, I felt frustrated because I wasn't able to be the kind of mom I wanted to be. I couldn't show up in any area of my life, personal or professional, the way I wanted to.

[00:05:40] And of course, when it came to my writing, it felt like I had hit a brick wall and nothing that I was trying helped. Has this ever happened to you? I felt stuck. Irritated, frustrated, and I had this lurking feeling of anxiety. I knew there was so [00:06:00] much that I wanted to get done. And I was feeling pulled in all kinds of directions, but at the same time, I also felt like no matter what I did, I could not get anywhere.

[00:06:12] The Turning Point

[00:06:12] Jen: I started to wonder if maybe I really did need to take a break, like a big break. It's so hard for me to share this with you, but I want to be vulnerable and honest with you because I know so many of us struggle with taking a break.

[00:06:29] There was a part of me that felt like taking a break was like quitting or giving up.

[00:06:34] And there was a part of me that felt like I was failing if I took a break or I had failed. I felt like I was letting others down. I felt like I was letting myself down. If I took a break. And I felt like I was letting you down.

[00:06:49] And so a part of me really resisted taking a break. But there was also a bigger part of me that knew a break was necessary.

[00:06:57] I can still remember the day in April [00:07:00] when I took a big breath in, exhaled, and decided to take an honest look at what was going on in my life. An honest look based on facts. Not based on emotions or based on what I wanted to be true or based on judgment, whether it was my self judgment or the judgment of others.

[00:07:19] So I went to a coffee shop and I journaled it out. I took inventory of what was happening in my life. Not only did I have these symptoms of exhaustion and irritation and frustration, but I also felt very stuck and I couldn't get into that creative space that so often renewed me and brought me joy.

[00:07:36] As I took inventory of what was going on in my life, I sketched out a long list of areas that needed my attention.

[00:07:44] My husband and I were in the middle of doing serious work on our marriage, really hard work on our finances, and like a zillion projects around our house and cabin. There were things that needed our [00:08:00] immediate attention that we had put off, things that had to get done.

[00:08:04] Not everything, though, was hard, of course. We had some really joyful and happy experiences. And that's how life is, right? I always feel like life is so 50 50, like there are all these really hard things happening, but there are also at the same time, really great things happening, too.

[00:08:24] So for us, my sister was moving across the country to be closer to us. We were so excited, and of course, that was also a lot of work, helping her to get settled, the anticipation of her being there, celebrating with her. It was all so great.

[00:08:42] Our kids, at the same time, were hitting huge milestones. educationally, developmentally, in their sports and in their activities. And all that was fun, but it was also super tiring at the same time. Also expensive, which kind of added to some of the [00:09:00] financial things. So, all these things can be true at the same time.

[00:09:04] I used to work with my colleague and friend, Anne, who used to say to me when I would have like this, like kind of cognitive dissonance about what was happening in my life, like this is happening and this is happening and I feel this way and I feel the opposite also. And she would say to me, Jennifer, all those things can be true.

[00:09:21] So, even whilst all this was happening, we were also reuniting. with some family members that we had not seen in almost seven years. It was joyous and wonderful and also at the same time, a lot emotionally to process. And then coupled with all that joy, my husband's dad passed away.

[00:09:41] As I look back at that time, and my journal entries listing everything that was happening, and my journal entries kind of trying to process through all the feelings and thoughts, I think to myself, wow.

[00:09:54] No wonder I felt exhausted. No wonder I couldn't feel restored no matter [00:10:00] how hard I tried. And as I look back on that time now, it isn't surprising that at the time I felt like I had to make a choice.

[00:10:08] It seemed like I had found myself at a fork in the road, or maybe more accurately, at the edge of a precipice.

[00:10:14] I knew it was time to make a decision, make a choice. Either go full bore, put all the chips in, push myself to the max, cut back on my sleep, exercise in self care. Or take a break from some things so that I could truly feel rested. I had tried for a long time to kind of be in the middle, to make a third option out of it, and that third option was leaving me feeling stuck. I was kind of half assing it in every area.

[00:10:46] I wish I could tell you After journaling it out, that I immediately decided that I would take care of myself and rest, but I didn't. Remember, I had this tension inside, this cognitive dissonance that felt like if I [00:11:00] stop, I'm failing. If I stop, maybe it is too much. If I stop, people who are telling me that I'm too much are right.

[00:11:08] I was also afraid that even if I took a break, if I did not do it with intention, that it wouldn't help. That I would stay in this feeling of tired, exhaustion, frustration, irritability, and stuckness. And so I took time to process that. I discussed it with my therapist. 

[00:11:32] I worked with my own life and business coach and I discussed it with my husband.

[00:11:36] I made a plan for what I would want to do if I took a break and what taking a break with intention would look like.

[00:11:44] I was going to rest. 

[00:11:46] The Framework for Rest

[00:11:46] Jen: With intention, and I'll share a little bit here in a minute about what exactly I did in the framework that I used, but I was going to rest until I felt called in my heart to return to things with joy and [00:12:00] purpose. 

[00:12:01] And even as I say this to you now, I want to acknowledge it was so hard to hit the pause button.

[00:12:09] My ego was pushing me to go, go, go. And instead I chose to listen to the wiser part of myself that was called to rest.

[00:12:17] I found the courage to rest in part because of a book I had read last winter. That book called Wintering by Catherine May highlights the importance of seasons of rest.

[00:12:27] What I loved about the book was how May so artfully pointed out that wintering, or those periods of rest and recuperation, are a natural part of life. Animals and plants go through such periods, and even many cultures allow and even honor periods of rest. And if you think of it like that, So much of our life is actually very cyclical, like the seasons.

[00:12:51] There are times when we can produce a lot without tiring. There are times when we are planting and growing. And there are [00:13:00] times when we need to rest. When we need to winter. It is no wonder to me that her books and her stories of rest resonated at that time with me so much. so much. And it led me to recognize that when we are not rested, we cannot show up as our most full, creative, resourceful, beautiful selves.

[00:13:24] I know it's pretty damn hard to write a book when I am a tired, overly busy, stressed out, anxious mom. And when I am stuck in that place of frustration, irritation, and anxiousness, the creative juices don't flow. I think we all know this at some level, and yet, In the world that we are living in, so many of us experience this world, particularly in mainstream U. S. culture, as one where we are not called to rest, where we are told to push harder, to go farther, to push ourselves, to try more.

[00:13:57] The world doesn't say to us, rest, [00:14:00] recharge, recuperate, restore. Instead, it tries to sell us something, whether it's more caffeine or other stimulants, so that we can keep going.

[00:14:11] Or it tries to sell us things to numb out, whether that's food or drugs or TV or social media.

[00:14:17] I know I don't have all the answers in this life. And I know and believe in my heart that you have to do what works for you. But I believe that you deserve rest. I believe we all deserve rest and real rest.

[00:14:34] Rest should equal restoration.

[00:14:38] I also believe that in a world where we are asked, directed, or called to do more, see more, provide more, consume more, comment, like, and tweet more. Where we are called to just always be more. The simple act of resting, truly resting, is a [00:15:00] radical act. It requires bravery. It requires authenticity.

[00:15:05] It requires us to listen to ourselves. An honor. What we hear to put aside our egos and to listen to that wiser voice within us. And it requires vulnerability to step into what is needed and step away from what is draining us. It is an act of rebellion.

[00:15:28] I love thinking of resting in this way because, as a rule follower and recovering people pleaser, I have always tried to meet expectations, no matter how unreasonable those expectations are. And even when they require me to sacrifice my own well being by not resting. And when I think back to last April, when I was trying to decide whether to rest or not, I can still feel that part of me calling me to go, go, go and not rest.

[00:15:54] I can hear her and her unreasonable expectations. And I'm so proud of myself for [00:16:00] rebelling against her and those expectations by choosing to rest. And it is leading me today to ask you, where in your life do you need to rebel? What do you need to set aside in order to become restored?

[00:16:15] What do you need to embrace?

[00:16:18] Earlier, I shared with you that when I finally made the decision to take a break, I did it with intentionality and purpose. And I came up with a framework for how I would rest because I wanted my rest to really be restful. 

[00:16:32] The Seven Types of Rest

[00:16:32] Jen: My framework for rest was inspired by the work of Dr. Saundra Dalton Smith and her TED Talk on the seven types of rest.

[00:16:39] I'll link the information for her TED Talk, as well as Catherine May's book, Wintering, in the show notes for you. Dr. Dalton Smith explains that rest should equal restoration. And then when it doesn't, like it didn't for me last spring, it is because we have a rest deficit in one or more specific areas.

[00:16:57] And then in order to address that [00:17:00] rest deficit, we have to take action that is restorative to us in that particular area. That is why When we get loads of sleep, we don't necessarily wake up feeling rested. And that is why when we Netflix and chill on the weekends, we don't have our creative juices magically restored.

[00:17:17] It turns out that there is more than one kind of rest. According to Dr. Dalton Smith, there are seven types of rest. Going to share with you now what those seven types of rest are, And then I'm going to cover what they mean, and then I'm going to tell you a little bit about how I got my rest during my five month break here and how I restored myself in each of these seven areas.

[00:17:40] Here are the seven types of rest. As I'm listing these off for you, I want you to think to yourself, what does that type of rest mean to me? And is this an area where I might have a rest deficit? Number one, physical rest. Two, mental rest. Three, emotional. [00:18:00] Four, sensory. Five, creative. Six, social. And seven, spiritual.

[00:18:09] Dr. Dalton Smith teaches that if we have a rest deficit in one of these areas, we have to take specific action to address it in order to feel restored. If you need social rest, for instance, taking a nap is not necessarily going to help. Now, doesn't this make sense when we think about it? Think about when as a mom, you feel all touched out.

[00:18:29] That's because you need sensory rest. And think about what it is like when you just cannot make another decision because the mental exhaustion and decision fatigue is so freaking real. Or think about how good you feel when you get the chance to be creative, whether it's working on your book, writing poetry, or creating some art.

[00:18:48] Let's talk a little bit about what Dr. Dalton Smith says goes into each of these types of rest. So, first, physical rest. Physical rest is just like it sounds. Taking a break, physically, [00:19:00] from what we have going on. It could be getting more sleep. But it's also things like taking a short break, stretching your body, getting a massage, going for a walk, taking care of our physical body so that we can give our physical body time to repair and recover and ultimately reduce that feeling of physical fatigue.

[00:19:20] There's also mental rest. Mental rest is taking a break. from all of the mental stimulation that is constantly flying at our faces all day long. We live in this world where we are always called to be on because the world is always on. And so it's unplugging and giving our brains a break.

[00:19:44] It also includes taking a break from all of the Carrying of the mental load, from making all the decisions, from being the one to know where everyone needs to go at every specific time. As a mom, I think finding a [00:20:00] way to achieve that mental rest is one of the more difficult rests to get. 

[00:20:06] Then there's emotional rest. Think about all of the stressful situations that happen in your life. Emotional rest is about taking a break from all the emotional demands that we have and it can include things like spending time alone, journaling, talking to a trusted friend, processing things with a therapist.

[00:20:27] Sensory rest is probably really obvious to you if you're a mom. Like I said, I like to think about that feeling of being all touched out, but it is also, like, just from being a human in this world, the idea of, like, all the lights and sounds and noise that are coming at us all the time, all that stimulation where we're being bombarded constantly with our sensory system, we need to give it time to recover so that we can reduce that sensory overload.

[00:20:57] And then there is creative [00:21:00] rest, ? Creative rest is taking a break from feeling like we have to constantly produce and create, particularly at a level that we will be satisfied with or not judge ourselves for.

[00:21:15] The sixth type of rest that Dr. Dalton Smith talks about is social rest. Social rest is about taking a break from social interactions.

[00:21:24] And finally, there is spiritual rest. Spiritual rest, regardless of your personal beliefs, is about taking time to connect with something bigger than ourselves or taking time to connect with that inner being within us. And it's what ultimately, I think, helps us to be grounded and truly fulfilled in this world.

[00:21:46] this idea of seven types of rest was my framework when I hit pause on this podcast and gave myself the time and space to figure out what I needed in order to feel rested, how I was going to get there.

[00:21:59] [00:22:00] And then ultimately implement that so that I would truly feel restored because like Dr. Sandra Dalton Smith says, right, rest should equal restoration.

[00:22:09] 

[00:22:10] Implementing Rest in My Life

[00:22:10] Jen: When it came to physical rest, I slept, I slept a lot, I disabled my alarms, I started restorative yoga classes, 

[00:22:18] I gave myself sensory rest. Over the last five months, I've given myself a lot of sensory rest by removing social media apps from my phone, turning off notifications everywhere, minimizing my use of screens, especially outside of work.

[00:22:35] And just allowing myself to have moments where if I have some sensory input coming in, I'm also giving myself equal time of having a sensory break.

[00:22:46] I also incorporated a lot of mental rest in the last five months in order to really like build up that feeling of being restored. So mental rest for me was really only achievable when I had [00:23:00] decluttered my space because having a lot of clutter creates a lot of anxiety and I, both my husband and I, we tend to like kind of pile things like, so he'll pile things and he's good with piles, I'll pile things and I'll be like, I'll address that later.

[00:23:12] And I can't really feel mentally. rested or mentally well, until I've sort of decluttered. I also gave myself mental rest by not making decisions or at least not rushing to make big decisions. I would tell my husband regularly over the course of the last five months, Hey, I have really reached my decision limit for the day.

[00:23:32] Like, I know it's like only 10 morning, but, um, I can't make any more decisions today. I'm done. And if it came down to things like dinner, like I can't make a decision about dinner. I'm sorry. I am all decisioned out. For the day. And so yes, if the kids want to have cereal, I don't care. They can just have cereal.

[00:23:49] Over the last couple months, I did something that I don't normally do, which is I gave myself social rest to I limited Really intentionally who I spent time with over the summer. I turned down a [00:24:00] lot of invitations I didn't reach out to a lot of the people I normally did Taking that kind of social rest was something that I never ever would have done a year ago, but really allowed me to rest socially as an introvert and also gave me time and space for the other types of rest.

[00:24:13] I gave myself emotional rest by deciding that I was going to start saying exactly what I needed in my relationships and allow myself to match the engagement level of the other person in the relationship, whether it was a professional relationship or a personal relationship, I decided to allow for that balance instead of one sidedness and feeling like I had to be the one to kind of carry that relationship in some fashion.

[00:24:38] I also gave myself emotional rest by spending time alone, avoiding stressful situations whenever possible, choosing not to pick certain battles, whether it be with my husband or with my kids

[00:24:49] and I practiced a lot of journaling and a lot of time in nature. So these are things that they kind of like bleed into other areas, right? Like, I get [00:25:00] sensory rest by being in nature, but I also get social rest if I'm alone and emotional rest if I am in nature, as well as spiritual rest. 

[00:25:08] And finally, and here's the one I'm really excited to share with you. I gave myself. I gave myself creative rest by creating things that I didn't judge, or didn't try to improve, or didn't try to make perfect.

[00:25:22] I gave myself creative rest by just allowing myself to play again in a creative space. I filled up coloring books, I played with Legos, I doodled with fun pens, and I read poetry. And I just allowed myself to be in a space where I wasn't thinking to myself, Oh, I have to turn this into a podcast episode, or I have to work on my next chapter of my book, or I have to get the language just right in this children's book that I'm working on.

[00:25:52] I allowed myself to just hit pause on all that and allow whatever creative work I was [00:26:00] doing to be fun.

[00:26:01] There are a couple of principles that I used when incorporating the seven areas of rest into my life over the last couple of months. And I want to share them with you because I think that they might be helpful to others. And they were really part of my intentional process for creating restoration in my life.

[00:26:22] So number one, like I alluded to earlier, I was really intentional about looking at what type of rest I needed and what I would need to do personally to feel restored in that particular area. So this is about knowing yourself and knowing what you need. So I tried to go in from a place of curiosity, from a place of non judgment, and I tried to really listen to myself.

[00:26:48] I also took really specific breaks throughout the day. So I took a break at lunch, which I don't always do. I would take a break in the morning before I got the [00:27:00] kids up. I would give myself time in the morning to journal.

[00:27:03] That was a time for my introverted self, my spiritual self. To rest and prep for the day to come. I was very intentional in disconnecting from technology and social media to avoid that constant stipulation. And I allowed myself to really experiment and play. I tried to make it fun. I want to encourage you to do the same wherever you are in your own personal journey.

[00:27:28] When it comes to rest, whether you've heard of these seven types of rest before, whether you've never heard of them, whether you are feeling very restored right now, or whether you're feeling like, hey, I mean, need to hit pause on a lot of areas and give myself time to figure this out. I want to encourage you to be curious and make it fun.

[00:27:48] Rest, but make it fun. And I want to encourage you to give yourself grace too. Because Rome wasn't built in a day, right? You're going to [00:28:00] move forward and then you're going to fall backwards. You're going to feel rested for a minute and then you might not feel rested the next day.

[00:28:06] And that's okay. Nothing has gone wrong. Give yourself grace. Be curious about what it is that you need. Make it fun. And allow it to just unfold.

[00:28:18] Over the last five months, I've tried to embrace that kind of an attitude of being open and curious and playful. 

[00:28:24] Encouragement and Conclusion

[00:28:24] Jen: It's September now, and it's the start of a new school year. It feels like the start of a new season in my life. It feels like I'm ready to come out of this wintering season, this wintering phase.

[00:28:36] And in fact, the journal I started in April was full on the last day of August. And I started a new one on September 1st. It just feels right. It feels right to start up with writing again. It feels right to start up with this podcast again. And so I'm so glad to come back here and produce and edit this podcast for you and for me and to allow it to be fun for myself.

[00:28:59] [00:29:00] Because the truth is that most of the time, the podcast really does fill me up.

[00:29:04] It's a creative outlet for me. And having that outlet is an important part of having a balanced and actualized life. It's the same with my writing. Now that I'm feeling restored and feeling more balanced ish, and now that I have time, energy, and the mental, physical, and emotional resources, it's for creativity.

[00:29:23] My writing has again taken off. And my friends, I share this with you, not because I want you to think I have all the answers, because I don't. I'm a human stumbling through this world, just trying to figure it out, just trying to do the best that I can, just like you.

[00:29:37] Wherever you are right now, whether you're in a season of wintering or a season of go go going, It's okay. Nothing has gone wrong and you are welcome here, just as you are. If like me, you find yourself needing a rest, then take what you need. And when you are ready, know that the creative flow, whether you are working on a book, writing poetry, whatever it [00:30:00] is, that creative flow will return to you once you are rested.

[00:30:04] Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to move forward.

[00:30:08] So where are you right now? Are you in a season of wintering? What kind of rest do you need? What kind of rest is most elusive? How would your writing benefit if you allowed yourself to rest? Let me know. You can touch base with me at momwritesfirst on Instagram and on TikTok.

[00:30:28] In the meantime, thank you so much for listening to this episode and for being here with me. Oh, it just fills my heart to know that you're here. And in case nobody has reminded you today, you are a resourceful, creative, whole human being. You are capable.

[00:30:43] Jen: You are loved, and your ideas, your words, and your stories matter. Keep on writing. 

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